The G-Spot/Vaginal Orgasm Debate is Ridiculous

Charlie came across this article on Jezebel about the confusing nature of the G-spot/vaginal orgasm debate, and as is the practice of pop articles on female orgasm, they asked a sexpert about it. What she said was taken without a bat of an eye and pretty much unabashedly and appallingly defines the current (and completely insane) state of discussion on the female orgasm.

I asked sexologist Dr. Logan Levkoff over e-mail what she thought about the whole debate. Here is what she had to say, "What this ongoing research does (for the lay community) is question the legitimacy of what women experience when they climax. Orgasms are subjective; orgasms can be spiritual and not directly connected to either the clitoris or the vagina. Does a vaginal orgasm exist? Depends on who you ask — but try answering ‘no' to a woman who has had (or believed she had) one."

This is what I imagine a spiritual orgasm is like. 

So, an orgasm is defined as...well...it's defined as anything and everything. There is no actual definition one could work from (for women of course. We all understand what an orgasm is in men). Oh and also, don't say anything that a woman might not like, even if it's true (because that's good science?).  I'd laugh if it weren't so true and so right on about where we are right now as a culture. We need to change this discussion.

The thing is, pushing against this ridiculously confused mindset when it comes to female orgasm is pretty damn radical. It shouldn't be, but it is, and the movie I made does just that with a simple idea. The stimulation of the inside of the vagina has never been shown to cause orgasm (the standard definition). I stand by that, and if you look into it at all, it's not a crazy statement. However, it plays as radical because for some reason, almost everyone in the research sexology community and the sexpert community straight up ignore this lack of physical evidence. Sure, most can get behind the uncontroversial idea that many women (about 70 - 80%  most would estimate) cannot orgasm from stimulation of the vagina. Sure, that's fine. Everyone knows that, but saying that maybe that last 20 to 30% are either ejaculating and calling it orgasm or having spiritual/emotional highs and calling that orgasm, or orgasming from incidentally rubbing their clitoral glans during intercourse and calling that orgasm, or simply not orgasming at all and saying they orgasmed - well that's where things get dicey. 

To do that, one has to "question the legitimacy of what women experience when they climax," which I am perfectly happy to do, because I don't even know what Dr. Logan Levkoff means when she talks about a woman's "climax." I assume it means orgasm since that's what the article's talking about, but even so, I still couldn't know what she means because these sexperts use orgasm to mean anything. Here's the deal. I know to many it seems mean and presumptuous and narrow, but I don't have a problem saying that maybe lots of women don't understand how their own sexual organs work, or that maybe some women lie about their ability to orgasm, or that there is one definition of orgasm and that using it to mean something different is unacceptable. I think these things need to be said.

Women get little and often terribly inaccurate information about their orgasm and organ of sexual pleasure from both structured education and from everyday education like media depictions and popular lore. It's not like women are known to be universally well educated about their orgasms, so why is it so strange to think that women might feel confused or be uneducated enough to call something that isn't an orgasm an orgasm, or be insecure enough to lie about their orgasm? I would think it pretty uncontroversial to say most women don't understand how their sexual organs work, and that there is a lot of women lying about orgasms. I don't see these assertions as offensive or off-base, and I think ignoring these is the same as tolerating them. I don't blame any women for dealing with this terribly confusing and uninformed sexual culture in whatever way she can figure to do so, but I don't want it to continue, and that means we need to be realistic.

I'm also going to say that there is one definition for orgasm and using it in other ways, specifically when experts use it in other ways, is unacceptable. It is. We don't do it for men. For them, the scientifically uncontroversial and documented physiological definition of orgasm coincides with the societal understanding of orgasm. For women too there is the same uncontroversial, documented understanding of orgasm, and the word "orgasm" is used to describe that...sometimes, but for some god-awful reason there are several other ways that orgasm is used - and not just in fringe communities, but in normal scientific and sexpert speak. It's not okay. 

This isn't fun and games here. When an expert tells a woman that she could "orgasm" from a particular stimulation and that expert means something other than the established uncontroversial, physiologically defined "orgasm" (the one we use for men and should use for women) - that is not trivial, either for the woman or for scientific understanding of orgasm. That woman does not become more knowledgeable. She becomes more confused, and may even take on a completely inaccurate understanding. And, how are we supposed to move forward with the scientific understanding of "orgasm" in females when we can't even agree on what constitutes an "orgasm." That should be first priority. How can I study or talk with other scientists about igneous rock, when dropped coke cans, the thing we all know as igneous rock, and clumps of dirt are all being discussed and researched as "igneous rock." They are 3 different things, and describing igneous rock as red and aluminium just because we want to call coke cans igneous rock, is a terrible idea. It's just the worst science - the WORST.

Let me be clear. There is a definition of orgasm, caused by stimulation of the clitoral glans or penis that is documented, definable, and uncontroversially accepted as an orgasm. We accept this when it comes to men, but we find it perfectly fine to throw in all kinds of other ideas and call it orgasm when it comes to women. Unless we find that stimulating the vagina causes this uncontroversially defined physiological reaction, then we shouldn't be calling whatever happens from this kind of stimulation (pleasure, ejaculation, an emotional high, stars shooting from your vag and becoming one with the universe) an orgasm just because we feel like it. It's bad for science, bad for women, and we need to acknowledge this. 


Philomena - The SSL Review

Well, the Olympics are over, and I'm on to the Oscars. I love them. I love movies. Plus, I'm a sucker for live TV. The last few years I've been obsessed with trying to watch every single movie that gets a nomination. Some are pretty tough. Short documentaries ain't no easy thing to find, and if I miss the 2 days that the short live action and animations come through town, I'm screwed on that too. I think I'm gonna make it on all the other ones though, so don't you worry about that. Now, seeing all those movies doesn't help me win the Oscar pool. I'm actually terrible at it. However, like I said, I love movies so I kinda just like seeing them all.

So all that to say that I just saw Philomena a couple days ago. It's one of the Best Picture nominations, and by golly, it's also eligible for an SSL review (kinda). Honestly, I hadn't really seen much about this movie. I think I might have partly seen some of a trailer, but I didn't know what the movie was about except that Judi Dench was in it.

Judi Dench and Steve Coogan in Philomena (this is actually the scene containing the quote below)

Now maybe you saw a trailer, and if you did you probably didn't expect there would be a discussion or depiction of female sexual release or masturbation, and you'd be almost right. There wasn't discussion about female sexual release per say. It was more of a couple sentences out of Judi Dench's mouth that touched on pleasure, but what made it interesting to me in an SSL kind of way was...well let me just show you what she said. So as not to ruin anything, I won't give you any background except that Philomena (played by Judi Dench) is telling someone about an experience from her youth.  
But what made it so much worse was that I enjoyed it...the sex. Ah, it was wonderful, Martin. I thought I was floating on air. He was so handsome, the way he held me in his arms. The thing is I didn't even know I had a clitoris, Martin. And after the sex was over, I thought anything that feels so lovely must be wrong.
Now, this is kinda an open statement. I mean, we don't know exactly what she means. Did she realize she had a clit and that it felt good during that sex, or did the sex awaken her sensuality, and she later discovered it. Did she orgasm? How was the clit involved in this sex? We don't know, but I don't think it matters. She said the word clitoris. CLITORIS, first off - how often do you hear that at all in a movie? Then on top of that she is clearly linking that clit to sexual pleasure. It's so very rare to specifically involve the clit in movie sexuality in any way at all, so I was just floored and very pleased. So, I had to tell you all. Philomena, my friends, gets a 5 Vulva Rating! Oh, and Philomena is simply a lovely movie on top of all that. I recommend you check it out.



Is Ejaculation an Orgasm? Betty Dodson Tells Ya Straight

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I think Betty Dodson is kick ass. Well I agree with myself once again. Betty and her cohort Carlin Ross answer the question in their vlog, "Is female ejaculation an orgasm?" Hells no. Ejaculation is ejaculation. Betty lays that shit down straight. I. Love. It. All too often, the word "orgasm" is used to describe all kinds of things that are not actually orgasms.

It's a confusing problematic aspect of sexpert talk in an already confusing sexual culture for us ladies. I'm over it, and I think Betty might be too. If anyone is fighting the good fight for the Orgasm Equality Movement, these ladies are! Check it out.



Olympic Bulges

Well, I'm kinda obsessed with the Olympics. I just like watching them. I don't watch sports any other time, but I like me some Olympics. I also don't have cable. We just use Hulu and Netflix, which is usually fine, but it means I can only watch Olympics through my antennae on regular ol' TV. Luckily, we have a huge antennae cord that can be snaked around the house into a back room where the antennae will actually pick up signal. Luckily for us, the Olympics are on NBC so that trick works, but if it were CBS, then I would need to move the antennae out the front door onto a trash can in front of the porch.

It is incredibly annoying to me that the Olympics don't have a online viewing option unless you are a cable subscriber. If you have cable, and can watch the Olympics on like 10 different channels anyway, then you get a passcode to get onto a place with streaming Olympic stuff, but if you are like me and only watch things on the internet anyway, you are shit out of luck...unless a kind relative lets you use his passcode. Then you can screw over the cable companies and use their precious streaming Olympics anyway. Seriously, I would pay a little bit to get the 2 weeks of access to online streaming Olympics. Stop being assholes, cable companies and the Olympics - and let me see 2 man bobsledding on the internet. But I digress.

None of that has to do with orgasm equality or Science, Sex, and the Ladies, or anything I usually write about, but the Sochi Olympics do involve seeing penis bulges in those long sleeved onesies that winter athletes all wear.

I was checking out what Cosmo Magazine online had to offer about female orgasm lately (spoiler alert - a lot of New Positions to Hit Your G-Spot! bullshit), when I found an intriguing collection of 19 Best Olympic Bulges. For once, Cosmo, you have impressed me. Now, dude junk bulging from athletic wear, doesn't necessarily have anything to do with ladygasms, but I think it's fair game for this blog because our culture needs more balance in our sexual objectification of people who are famous for really cool things that have nothing to do with their sexiness or sexy parts. Women get this type of objectification way more than men. This situation gives the hetero men out there so much more to fantasize about and enjoy on a sexual level.

Well, we hetero ladies would be overwhelmed to get even a tenth of the masturbation fodder that men see in normal ol' media on the regular. So, in the spirit of sexual balance, and because Sochi is rockin' the Olympic at the moment, Please go check out -->  Cosmo's 19 Best Olympic Bulges.

Some of them are not that interesting to be honest. However, # 11 (seen below) was awesome cause it's literally an outline of a dick. Oh, and a lot of them just look like a straight up camel toe. I feel the picture choices could have been better, actually. Cosmo, can you never live up to my expectations?

Steven Nyman, USA
Photo Credit: Getty Images


Cast And Crew Screening!

Well, the cast and crew screening of Science, Sex and the Ladies was last night, so this marks the end of my blog once a day post marathon. I know you'll miss me, but I'll be back 2 or 3 times a week. Also, more good news...the screening went really well. I mean it's cast and crew, so they are a lot of people we know, and they're gonna be at least polite. So, I realize we may not be getting the whole story, but I'll tell you what, people were really excited about it. I got texts and emails from 5 different people on their way home letting me know about ideas they had for more group showings. We are encouraging people to share the movie in small groups anywhere from their own homes to art galleries to meeting halls to bars. Anyway, it looks like we may have some coming up including a "silent screening" and the first SSL Dude screening. So I feel pretty happy about the whole thing. I'll keep you posted about how the small screenings are going. Till we meet again...

AnC right before the SSL cast and crew screening


I'm So Excited! Tonight's the Cast and Crew Screening!

Today is the cast and crew screening for Science, Sex and the Ladies. I'm so excited, and because of this, I embedded the Pointer Sisters singing the song "I'm So Excited" below. Enjoy it. It really does get ya pumped up. Seriously, though, I really am excited. This will be the first real screening. The cast has been waiting about 5 years to see this thing, and I'm really pumped to see them all again. As we speak, I am at my AnC partner Barnaby's house typing this pout real quick while Barnaby and Charlie load the food and goodie bags into the car. We'll be headed over to the venue in about 5 minutes Holla! I'll put up pictures tomorrow.

p.s. YouTube won't let me embed the actual Pointer Sisters video. :(




When you live in the Indianapolis area and you are in the arts. The go to paper to get coverage of your work is NUVO, the alternative paper for Indianapolis. AnC has been in it a few times over the years for our movie making, and we just graced their pages again for SSL. It's a super sweet spread over two pages in Their "Sex" edition. Pretty appropriate if you ask me and timely since we are having our cast and crew and friends screening tomorrow. This is just the start of getting this wild movie off the ground and we like to think a big move on the road to realign the cultural (mis)understandings around female orgasm.  If you want to see the article it's here. Page 18 and 19.

Thanks to Rebecca Berfanger, first, for wanting to write about our little movie, and, second, for writing it up so well.We were also pretty excited that we had more than one picture and in color even, that's a first for our NUVO appearances.


Cunnilingus Video from Key and Peele - Happy Tuesday!

I'm not used to blogging every single day. It's been 14 straight days now (3 more to go!).The 2 to 3 a week I usually do gets too much sometimes, so you can be sure I'm feeling the pinch for getting something to write about. Luckily, Barnaby happen to send me a Key and Peele video that I think fills the role as a fun Tuesday diversion. It's about a cunnilingus class.

I will say that this skit somewhat reinforces the idea that women's junk is crazier and more mysterious than male junk. I mean, I honestly don't think cunnilingus would be so hard for dudes if they saw more realistic eatin' out in porn, and if they (and the woman they were doing it to) had a a basic understanding of female anatomy and orgasm. However, I'll give this a pass because it also reinforces a couple other things 1. that ladies love their clits tongued 2. the clit is like a super densely nerved penis 3. dudes need to listen to what their ladies say...and then do that shit. So it's all cool.

Enjoy. See ya tomorrow.

(Oh and after the cunnilingus class skit, there's more to the video, but it's just a commercial for the Key and Peele Halloween episode, so you can just turn it off after the punchline.)


Advice to Olympians About Sexy Time in Sochi

It’s still early in the Olympics. A lot of the athletes haven’t competed yet, and I imagine for now they want to stay focused, so there probably hasn’t been a lot of hook-ups yet. There will be though. Oh, there will be. How could there not be? You have a bunch of mostly 20-somethings in the best shape of their lives, either riding a high or wanting to forget a loss. Oh – and the accents.

The Olympics are a perfect crossroads for a little hanky panky, and the winter Olympics especially because of the whole “getting warm” thing, ya know.

Anyway, here’s my unsolicited advice to all the Winter Olympians wanting to take advantage of this sweet spot of a sexy situation. Ready?...MUTUAL MASTURBATION. I know. It’s always my go to, but hear me out.

  • Unless you brought condoms and dental damns from home, you’re going to have to rely on these things from whatever random country your partner of choice is from. Or, you’d have to use Russian ones. You don’t know how these Soviet era contraptions are gonna work. For all you know, they could just be sandwich bags dipped in vodka (so the ethanol in the vodka can kill the sperm or something – I don’t know.) Point is, best to do something that avoids this issue all together.
  • You’d  be in charge of your own junk, so everyone’s sure to come. Gold metals all around!
  • But wait, you could also make it a competition. We all know you Olympians are competitive people, so a race to the finish might get your ‘down there’ blood pumpin' just right.
  • How often do you get to rub your lady/gentleman parts while taking in a full on view of a perfectly sculpted, top level athlete working themselves into a sexy heated mess? Seriously, that’s a beautiful thing. Plus, imagine them speaking dirty nothings to you in a foreign language or a suave accent. It’s like the best live porn ever. If you were all up in eachother’s grill doing the normal ol’ sex stuff, you’d miss the unencumbered view. Take advantage.
  • You can get a little practice/workout while you’re doing it. Part of the fun is the show you’d be putting on. Yes, you’d be looking at a perfect specimen, but remember you’re a perfect specimen too. Throw in some of those muscle rippling warm-ups you do or pull your leg up over your head to stretch out. Your new friend will thank you, and you’ll be all the more fit for it.
  • No unintended ice-skating-ski-jumping super babies

Take my advice or leave it, but I think you athletes would do well to consider a little mutual masturbation on your Sochi down time. Go team MM!

P.S I'd like to thank my AnC Movies partners, Charlie and Barnaby for suggesting, while we all watched the Olympics yesterday, that I write something about all the nasty that is surely going on.


Assembly line Fun with AnC Movies

Today was a good day. Some family birthday stuff for luch including good pizza and cherry pie. Then some old school AnC assembly line fun. You see, we here at AnC Movies have a long tradition of doing weird holiday cards for our mailing list that are ridiculously hands-on intensive. There's always been a lot of folding, cutting, hooking, signing - one year there was a putting on lipstick and kissing the envelope part of the assembly line. There's always a lot of fun, memories, farts, bitching. It's a good day. The thing is, we've kinda been busy with the movie the last couple years and have neglected our AnC holiday card duties.

We're still neglecting them (although we have one in the plans for the near future), but we are getting ready for our cast and crew screening of the movie this Thursday, so we were assembling goodie bags and also getting all the prizes ready to ship for Kickstarter backers, so it felt a lot like the ol' card makin' days.

We're watching the Olympics too, cause why not? Who doesn't love figure skating and snow boarding competition once a year? No one sane - that's who.

Anyway, enjoy some pics, and I'll be back tomorrow.

Me and B doin' the damn thing

Charlie showing off the pieces of a Kickstarter package

Barney's cat Yancy sleeping on things we need to use


Orgasm Equality Advice from Lauren Gray at MarsVenus!

Who knew? I've never been a fan of the whole women are from venus, men are from mars thing. It always struck me as putting men and women into weird stereotypical buckets that didn't really coincide with my experiences of men and women. However I will give credit where credit is due. Lauren Gray from the MarsVenus website gave a fantastic answer to a question from "Marie." Check the full video and article HERE.

Hi Lauren,
I am 33 years old and I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. What do I need to do to have one? Do I have a disability down there?

Long story short - Lauren tells Marie that the majority of women can't orgasm through g-spot stimulation; that she absolutely doesn't have a disability; that she, like most women, needs clitoral stimulation to orgasm; that asking a woman to orgasm just from intercourse was like asking a man to orgasm from stimulating his balls; that a dude isn't less of a man because his penis isn't what gets his lady off; and then, when she gives "sure fire" ways to orgasm during intercourse, I was overjoyed to find that they all relate to manually stimulating or vibe-ing the clit.

That's straight up orgasm equality baller advice right there, Ms. Lauren Gray! Respect.

Of course, you know me. I would probably harp on the idea that even though 30% of women claim to orgasm through vaginal penetration, it's probably a lot less than that (if at all) given that our culture uses the word "orgasm" to mean so many things, and given that there is actually no scientific documentation of a g-spot related orgasm (ejaculation, yes. orgasm, no), but that's me, and I'm kinda obsessed with that. However, simply keeping the focus on the clit when giving sex advice and not vaguely alluding to ways that a certain position or something could maybe allow hands-free intercourse to cause orgasm is so very rare in sex advice that this approach in itself is pretty radical.  Rock on Lauren Gray.

Oh I also like the comment from "tellmisty" on 12/30/2013 
"Your penis might be THE most awesome penis of all time ..." LOL! I love it. Ahhh, Lauren, that's good stuff. A guy I was dating once had this unrealistic idea that his penis was his gift to me. I reached out one day and massaged his palm. "Does that feel good?" "Uh. Yeah." "That is what your penis feels like in my vagina. Just like that. Just ... that." His face ... was classic. I was so annoyed that he'd been with so many women and none of them had told the brother the truth about his penis, or more accurately, OUR VAJAYJAY. You know I beat around the bush (no pun intended) about it for weeks. The only path left: the straight-up DIRECT TRUTH. Now. I love penises. I do. But we need to put it all context, people!...

To which "Lauren Gray" replies on 1/1/2014
Hahaha. Thanks tellmisty for taking us all to school! ;-)
Indeed. Indeed.


First SSL Screening Next Week!...and more daily posts

Guess what? Since you can't respond, and I don't even really know if you exist, I'll just tell you. This dagburn ol' movie I've been working on for oh-so-many years now, is done. I don't mean that the picture is done, but we're still working on sound stuff or that it's done but we're still going back and forth on a few tweaks here and there. I'm talking about this movie being done, son. (If you don't know what movie I'm talking about check the trailer HERE or to your right on this page if you're in desktop version)

There are DVDs on their way to my house for cast, crew, and Kickstarter donors. It has been seen by its first reviewer (I'll let you know how that turns out in about a week), and next Thursday, there will be a cast and crew screening. It's our first screening of this finished movie, and I think it's a pretty exciting thing - at least for me. I mean this movie is what I've been working on my whole adult life, and the cause of this movie - orgasm equality- is what I've devoted this blog to and what I imagine I'll be continuing to spend a lot of my future time on.

 So, since I've already completed a 10 day run of daily blog posts, and in honor of this first screening, I'm going to continue the daily posts until the day after the screening. That way I can finish the run off with some good pics from the cast screening party.

The Fun Bunch, from Science, Sex and the Ladies movie


"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #10

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-honestly-don't-think-I've-ever-read-this-magazine fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy the final installment.
10. For most women, it takes a while…Many women take longer to climax than their male partners, and that’s perfectly normal, says Stern. In fact, according to statistics, most women require at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to climax. “If you find that your partner often reaches orgasm before you do, there are ways to help him slow down,” she says. “Mental exercises can sometimes work, and so can firm pressure around the base of the penis. If premature ejaculation is a concern, your partner may want to see a primary care doctor or urologist to find some techniques that might help.”
Yes, I think it's fair to say that in general women do tend to take longer than men to orgasms when they're doin' the nasty together, but I don't think that this should be a fact of life so complacently swallowed. Women's bodies can orgasm as quickly, easily and reliably as men's. But ladies tendency to be slow makes sense given that dudes are probably getting their dicks rubbed nicely with something warm, maybe wet, and tightish for as long as they need to come. On the other hand, women are, well, probably not getting their clits touched at at, at least not on purpose, or if they are, it's just to warm up...or if they do get their clits stimulated awesomely into an orgasm, did they get that last go round? the time before that? What would you say the percentage is?

I bet most women are not batting near as close to 1000 as their male partners, and if that's the case, then it's also no wonder why he would be more readily and quickly in the mood and aroused when a chance for some doin' it came up. It makes sense that a dude's gonna be on a speedier tract. His body and mind are likely primed for an almost surefire orgasm, but for her, it's kind of a toss, so she's gonna take a bit longer to get excited, if ya know what I mean. 

You've heard the saying that men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots in the bedroom, right? Sexperts say it all the time. Well, I'll agree with that sentiment...as long as by that one means that men and women are both microwaves, but the lady microwave is turned on from 4 feet away by pressing at the buttons using a long floppy rod of drinking straws that were connected together end to end - and then that whole situation is called "a crockpot." Oh, and "crockpot" doesn't really mean something that it is merely slower at cooking, but something that often doesn't cook at all, but when it does, it's usually slowly. I mean sometimes this crazy ol' crockpot lady thing works. I mean, almost by accident it'll cook from time to time, like when that crazy long straw thing happens to get enough pressure on the power button (or when the "crockpot" is treated by actually pushing the correct buttons with something that is actually capable of pushing the buttons). 

So...that's my take on that. 

Thanks for sticking with me on my 10 day marathon of rants about all 10 of these "Surprising Facts About Orgasm." It was kinda fun, but honestly I'm feeling like a bit of a Debbie Downer with all my rantiness, so I'm going to try and be a little more upbeat in my next few posts, cause balance is important right? Till we meet again!


"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #9

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of is-it-like-jank-Better-Homes-And-Gardens fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 9.
 9. In rare cases, orgasm can happen without genital stimulation. We’ve all heard about women who can orgasm while sitting on a train or while getting a massage, but it's no urban legend. Experts say it’s a real phenomenon. “I had a friend who had an orgasm every time she used the treadmill,” says Stern. “If that happened to all of us, we’d be a much more physically fit society!” But, humor aside, there’s an explanation for why this occurs. “The reason for spontaneous orgasms during certain activities is twofold—increased blood flow to the genitals and vibration of or contact with the clitoris. The increased blood flow and the general relaxation of a massage can lead to orgasm sometimes, too.”

 So, did this author really mean to follow up "Experts say it’s a real phenomenon" with some Planned Parenthood nurse's (that's who Stern is btw) random story about her friend that miraculously gets her rocks off every - she did say every - time she does a little exercise on the ol' treadmill? Cause that's not great journalism.

Also, an orgasm that happens because clothes are rubbing against your clit are not "orgasms that happen without genital stimulation." The cloths are literally giving the genital stimulation. But besides that, let's not get too excited about orgasms that some women say they have randomly in non sexual situation.

People use the word orgasm to mean all kinds of things, from a feeling of general pleasure to an emotional/spiritual excitement to physical arousal, and studies very rarely ever discern between these different uses of the word before declaring that this or that causes an orgasm. We women are living in a confused world when it comes to our orgasms, and frankly you just can't trust us to mean an actual physiological orgasm (the kind recorded and described by Masters and Johnson, the kind males understand to be orgasm, and the kind that women can and do have without much problem if we get enough and the correct clitoral stimulation) when we say we've had an orgasm on a survey. Scientist should understand that and not be so quick to jump on the women-have-all-kinds-of-crazy-orgasms bandwagon. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade here. Truly, do what you want, and enjoy it as much as you want.

But listen, if you want to hear about how women can think themselves to orgasm or exercise themselves to orgasm, or orgasm from vaginal penetration, anal intercourse, nipple stimulation, meditation, kisses on the neck, being whipped, or how women can get a back massage and come, then feel free to go just about anywhere else on the internet. There's so many people out there, including women ourselves, saying these things, that sometimes I feel like a real asshole for poo-pooing it. There are even studies out there showing that these things happen from time to time, but they're mostly surveys of women telling us that these things happened, and they just don't seem to deal with really understanding what these phenomena are in a physical, experimental way.  If you can show me studies that include physical confirmation of orgasm (not ejaculation, not arousal, not any other way that we use to mean orgasm, but an actual physiological orgasm) included with these survey reports of "coregasms" and "think-gasms", and all the other "gasms," then awesome. That's an interesting discussion.

That's not the case though. We as a culture are so willing to grasp onto these wild accounts of female orgasm because it fits so nicely into the completely incorrect story that female orgasms are somehow way more varied and magical than male orgasms are. We do not treat male orgasm in this way, and frankly that's probably why men have so much easier of a time orgasming than women do - because our culture doesn't act as though anything could make men orgasm and then underplay the importance of stimulating their organ of sexual pleasure the way we do for women.

I'm putting myself out as the counter balance - the asshole who poo poos these fringe accounts of female "orgasm" because we don't know if they are even orgasms, and even if they are I'm gonna point out that it's probably just a tiny, tiny minority of fluke orgasms. I'm the bitch who's skeptical of a woman's use of the word orgasm and of her account of strange, yet unaccounted for, ways she gets off. I'm gonna keep reminding people that the clitoris needs to be stimulated in order for women to come, and I'll continue doing it until excessively talking about fringe orgasms doesn't annoy me anymore due to the fact that clit stim is a given, taken for granted, aspect of sex.

So, point is, maybe there are some orgasms out there using no genital stimulation, but it's annoying that these are spoken about so matter of factly, like the whole thing has been observed physically, settled, and is something that might happen. Yes the title of #9 uses the word "rarely," but that's not how the body of #9 feels. It feels like if Stern's friend casually orgasms every time she's on a treadmill, you or your friend might too. It feels like you really might get an orgasm next time you go for a massage. I mean she says sometimes."Sometimes" means something very different than saying something like "rarely." Sometimes means sometimes, and I think speaking so flippantly about how female's could orgasm in a world where some women don't even know where their clitoris is, is irresponsible on the part of our sexperts - and I'm not just blaming her. Most of them do it. It's the norm.

P.S. There is actually a recognized condition that involves spontaneous arousal and orgasm, and it's not awesome. It's a painful and sometimes debilitating, so just make sure you don't wish for that.


"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #8

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of probably-has-a-basket-of-fruit-on-the-cover fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 8.

8. There is an orgasm “gap.” While it’s true that a small number of men have trouble with orgasm, sex experts report that it’s rare. Instead, a significant percentage of women report not having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, even when their male partner thought they had. “We still have an orgasm gap,” notes Dr. Herbenick. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” The cure? It’s complicated, says Dr. Herbenick, but women who are comfortable with and understand their body’s pleasure points can often learn to orgasm regularly.

Yes, it is complicated. Well, wait, no - it's not that complicated...but kinda. I've said it before - an excessive amount of times really - and I'm about to say it again. Women need clitoral stimulation in order to come. Intercourse is a terrible way to get that, yet a great way to give men the penile stimulation they need to come. Yeah, not every couple is just banging the p in the v for every sex act, but some are, and I would bet that those who are doing other more clit stimmy things are still doing a pretty good amount of straight up p in v even if they do mix it up sometimes. The point is that because things are just the way things are, a lot of intercourse is happening and not a lot of clitoral stimulation is. It really doesn't take a rocket scientists to see why there is an orgasm gap. 

Herbenick is right though, the cure is a little complicated. You'd think it would just come down to men and women realizing that clit stim is needed; dudes being cool and open to change; ladies learning for ourselves what specific physical things we need to get there; and then bringing that all into the bedroom (or backseat of a car, or office bathroom, whatever you're into at the moment). Problem is, those things don't just fall into place. People are stubborn, scared, unsure. People are people, wild and unpredictable as we are. Plus all of us alive right now had a lifetime heaping helping of bad ladygasm learning, and some things we just can't unlearn so easy. 

Anyway, it is actually complicated, but it's also very much not. We have a place to start. We know why the problem exists, so maybe we can start uncomplicating it a bit - if not for us, maybe for the next generation. 

...#9 tomorrow...


"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #7

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of covers-that-are-a-mix-of-The-Enquirer-and-Martha-Stewart fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 7.

7. A woman’s sexual self-esteem can affect the quality of her orgasms.Research shows that how a woman feels about her genitals is linked to the quality of her orgasms. “As a women’s health clinician, I can vouch for the fact that every vagina looks different and there is no ‘perfect’ way for a vagina to look,” says Stern. “As long as your vagina is pain-free and you don’t have any abnormal discharge, sores or other medical problems, you can consider yourself healthy and normal.” Increase your orgasm potential by increasing your confidence, she says. “It’s important to treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you—send yourself healthy, positive messages about yourself and your body.” Another trick: Pull out a hand mirror and take a look! Getting to know yourself down there is the first step in feeling confident about your parts.

This one's fine. Well, she is using the word vagina when she means vulva, but maybe the word vulva just seems pretentious, so I won't push it. We know what she means. Honestly, I don't have any reason to rant about this little piece of advice like I did with numbers 1 through 4. I mean liking yourself is gonna make most things in your life better, right? And, it does take some confidence to communicate with your sexual partner and let that person in on what you need to orgasm - especially since we ladies can't just go along with the normal, expected routine of sex (you know, the ol' kissy-face, maybe licky for just a little bit, and then hands free p in v routine) if we want to actually get off. 

It really does take some big, hangin' lips to make it happen for yourself. Dude's o-needs are usually met with the normal stuff, so ain't no big deal for them, but if you are a lady getting your rocks off for real on the regular in the presence of other(s), then you probably got there with a good deal of work and hard knocks learning on the job, and I commend you.  

This is not an easy world for the female orgasm and any work you have done to make your personal world a more hospital place for it is a down right revolutionary act worth being confident about. Keep up the good fight, my sisters (and brothers) in arms!

(Photo of "Vulva Mirror" Screenprint on paper + mirror foil by Tanja Pippi)

Also, I'd just like to mention Betty Dodson (now over 80 and awesome as ever) is kinda the person who made the whole looking at your junk in a hand mirror a thing. She loves every unique shape of cunt (this is the word she would use) out there and made loads of women sitting naked in circles feel proud of theirs, so props to her too. 

BTW  - I happen to find this pic for the blog by searching "vulva+hand+mirror." Tanja Pippi, the artist who made it, works in a variety of mediums and touches subjects of gender and sexuality among other things...and gave me permission to use this badass pic. Check the artist's site HERE. It's pretty sweet.


"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #6

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-think-that's-like-an-old-50's-house-wife-magazine-or-something fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 6.

6. Women who mix things up in the bedroom have more frequent orgasm.If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, says Dr. Herbenick. “It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act,” she says. “For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone. This may be because more sex acts mean that people spend more time having sex.” 
I'm not opposed to mixing things up in the bedroom. Please do. Variety is the spice of life, but I think this "fact" is misleading - not terribly misleading, but just kinda misleading. I mean, I figure there's got to be some correlation between variety in the sexy time and communication between partners, and communication has got to help with ladygasms, right? Since the most standard, common, go-to type of sex act, intercourse, doesn't often involve a female orgasm, I imagine some amount of communication would help to get other, possibly more clit stimulate-y options on the table. So, I kinda get the connection that's being made here.

However, I think if you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, some generic advice like "switch things up, sista!" isn't going to be very helpful. Does that mean getting it in the butt for a bit after regular old vag sex would be more orgasmic? How about a boob job added to some doggy style? I would say the mixing it up isn't the helpful thing here. It's the adding of clitoral stimualtion, so really this should just say, "Women who get enough clitoral stimulation during their bang-fest have more frequent orgasms...since. you know, clitoral stimulation is literally what causes orgasms, so if you don't include it, then good luck getting an orgasm, my friend." That's how I would have worded it at least. And I really don't buy Herbenick's thought that "For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone." Yeah vaginal plus oral would be better than just vaginal sex, but would that combo really be better at giving a gal an orgasm than just a good ol clit lickin'? Oh, I think not, I. think. not.


"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #5

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-kinda-get-it-confused-with-Redbook fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 5.
5. Orgasm gets better with age.
Sure, there are plenty of things to gripe about when it comes to age, but your sex life may actually improve—specifically the quality and frequency of orgasm, reports Dr. Herbenick. “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” she says. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” Though the survey didn't indicate why orgasms come easier with age, we can assume that as women become more sexually experienced, they have more confidence in the bedroom and therefore enjoy themselves more. Additionally, the trust and intimacy that most women experience in long-term relationships can help improve sexual confidence as well.

Well, you might be used to me griping a lot about these things, but this actually seems fairly legit. I mean, particularly since we women come of age and live in a culture that largely ignores and disrespects our clitoris and thus create a huge uphill battle for orgasm that we must self-consciously (cause all the women we see in movies and read about and books seem to be able to orgasm easily from a good banging) trudge through.So, I basically agree with this. By the time a woman's 40 and had 3 kids, she might just be done with doing shit that isn't that great just to be nice - like have sex without an orgasm. So, she just might be more likely to say, "Fuck it. You go on and keep doin' your bangin' on me. I'm gonna pull out this vibrator and have a little fun while you're at it." Or maybe the words "lick it" just roll of the tongue easier after years of being with someone who has finally convinced her he doesn't mind doing just that.

Now, let's just hope in the future women don't need 20 years of mediocre, often unorgasmic sex before we are lucky enough to break the spell of our terribly misleading and confusing sexual culture. Maybe in the future, the young gals will be getting theirs too.  

Check out #6 tomorrow