Amy Schumer on the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast: An SSL Review

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Hello there. A fantastic friend introduced me to Inside Amy Schumer, and I pretty much liked it a whole lot. It's pretty funny shit, and it's got that feminist edge, ya'll. I'm sure you've heard all that before since I'm apparently the last feminist on earth to suck her labes on my blog. However, you probably haven't read an SSL review of her on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast (if you have that would be insanity, so let me know about that). Charlie listens to it every once in a while, and after hearing her, he told me I probably needed to give it a listen and an SSL review. He was on point cause there was some good shit in there that made me want to kiss Amy Schumer's asshole even more.

If you don't know Joe Rogan, you probably don't watch UFC or aren't at an age or temperament where you watched him on News Radio or hosting Fear Factor. I actually didn't realize he is also a working stand-up comic, so that was new to me. He's a dude, through and though, but I find him kind of endearing. His podcasts are almost 3 hours, and sometimes, maybe often, everyone in the studio is high, so they can be pretty fun. Anyway, Amy was on 4 different podcasts, but I've only listened to the first 2. Here's the SSL review so far.

Episode 188
The part I want to bring up about this one involves Amy trying to call bullshit on a pretty common thing people spout off about. It started because Amy was telling a story about a douche bag dude that was working a comedy club that she was headlining, and he was acting all alpha-it-should-be-me-headlining the whole week, and part of that included him being extraordinarily loud while banging this waitress in the room next to her (They were in a comedy condo- which I guess are these crappy places where comedians can stay cheap/free? when they come into town to do a show). So her meaning while telling the story got all confused for a minute and Joe started talking about how dudes are just plain driven by sex, and either he or his producer Brian also said something like, "you just don't know what it's like to have a dick." So people talk like this all the time, like guys are so insanely driven by sex in a way that women couldn't possibly understand. Like there's some, girls-not-allowed, dick-having club where people are in touch with their seed-spreading, neanderthal, getting-off-above-all self. It's bullshit for many reasons (mostly because we base this very common idea off how women relate to intercourse and male focused sexual media and neither have much to do with women getting off at all - even though everyone acts like it does, but I digress. Watch my movie to hear more.)

Anyway, at the very least it's annoying - as a woman who feels driven by these same getting off urges but also knows that the urges don't quite fit into the male shaped box our culture has carved out for them - to hear that. The annoying part about it is not an easy explanation or even an explanation that most women feel equip to articulate, but it is annoying. I feel like Amy had at least a spark of this annoyance cause she was like, "I don't know, I think I'm driven by sex." She said it a couple different ways, and then the subject kind of changed, but I like that she spoke up even a little.

So I know that wasn't strictly SSL review material. It didn't specifically discuss or depict female sexual release or masturbation. However, I think it related so closely to our cultural misunderstanding of orgasm that I'm going to let it slide. Plus, I hate when people insinuate that women are just naturally incapable of understanding the male sex drive. It's bullshit.

I'm
Episode 204 
So this was her second time on the show. This part is directly related to female orgasm, and Amy knocks this out of the park, comedy-wise and in like a feminist existential kind of way, man. It was way deep because it kinda summed up what I think about 95% of ladygasm advice and discussion that exists out there in the world. It was pretty badass.

I've just transcribed the conversation below. Be aware that a lot of the lines are a bit over each other, so maybe read it like that or something. Also, I might have mixed up Brian and Joe's lines because they are hard to tell apart for me in some cases. Oh, and I might have added a couple comments in there.

Joe: Did you know that a lot of women are admitting now - there was a study done on it - that a lot of women are achieving orgasm during strenuous exercise.
Amy: What?
Brian (producer): Yeah, very common.
A: That sounds great. What are they doing?
B: looking at me
J: I'll Google it here....study shows
A: I was so sick in the hospital I haven't like masturbated in like a week.
B: Really?
A: Yeah, I like forgot about it. That's how sick I was.
B: You haven't mutually masturbated with another guy like for real?
A: Yes, of course.

Fucking A, Amy. Admitting to masturbation and mutual masturbation, gets you like extra points on the SSL review vulvameter.

J: That's just stupid. Why not just fuck?
B: Yeah.

Not yeah. Mutual masturbation is THE BEST, and it's a much better way to get off for us ladies than a screwfest, so maybe take note Joe and Brian.

A: Well, I guess cause when you're together a long time you're trying to make things fun.
J: Women have orgasms at the gym study shows.Wow, yeah that's really true.
A: What are these women doing at the gym?...fucking their trainers.
J: Findings add qualitative and quantitative data to a field that has been largely unstudied. A field? Yes!
B: What really makes the vagina go pop pop pop? That's my field. I'm in the orgasm field. A field? Has women's orgasms been a field?
J: It's largely unstudied according to Debby. Oh Debby you silly bitch.
A: Oh Debby, always thinking about her clit, Clit deb.
B: Debby probably loves pussy.
J: Oh deb Debby probably has a fleshlight and she licks it sittin' in the office like woa woa... pussy is so awesome. This is my field. I'm doing research in my field.
A: Debby's in the field you guys. She can't talk.
J: Thank you for your work...Co-director of the Center for Sexual Health at Indiana University. For instance Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues first reported the phenomenon in 1953 saying that 5% of women they interviewed mentioned orgasm linked to physical exercise. Wow, that's fucking awesome for those 5 chicks.
A: What is this Brian?
J: The report of so-called coregasms named because of their seeming link to exercises for core abdominal muscles have circulated in the media for years according to researchers. So, apparently it's working your core. So getting on the knees and tightening up the pussy shit's real.
B: Yeah
J: So what you want to do is get on your knees,
A: Okay
J: and then I want you to rock your ass back to your heels,
A: Okay
J: and pull yourself up with your abs while you're squeezing your pussy.
A: okay, why don't I just rub my clit. What?...Like why all the...why all the work?

Indeed, Amy, indeed. Why the fuck are we always being told about these great ladygasms that you have to get to from exercise or weird positions called things like Nancy's Twilight Reign or some shit like that? Why do we have to do things like slowly slide the puss down the cock then kinda corkscrew our body as we move up then let the dick pop out and slightly glide against the clit then go back down or some stupid complicated dumbass thing like that? Dudes get to just find a way to get their dick encompassed and rubbed. Simple. Can we not just get to a point where ladies can just find a way to get their clits rubbed. It's honestly, truly, for realz, that simple, and the fact that all this stupid complicated advice fills our culture, means we clearly don't know that yet.

5 out of 5 vulvas for you Ms. Schumer.
(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #9

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of is-it-like-jank-Better-Homes-And-Gardens fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 9.

 9. In rare cases, orgasm can happen without genital stimulation. We’ve all heard about women who can orgasm while sitting on a train or while getting a massage, but it's no urban legend. Experts say it’s a real phenomenon. “I had a friend who had an orgasm every time she used the treadmill,” says Stern. “If that happened to all of us, we’d be a much more physically fit society!” But, humor aside, there’s an explanation for why this occurs. “The reason for spontaneous orgasms during certain activities is twofold—increased blood flow to the genitals and vibration of or contact with the clitoris. The increased blood flow and the general relaxation of a massage can lead to orgasm sometimes, too.”

 So, did this author really mean to follow up "Experts say it’s a real phenomenon" with some Planned Parenthood nurse's (that's who Stern is btw) random story about her friend that miraculously gets her rocks off every - she did say every - time she does a little exercise on the ol' treadmill? Cause that's not great journalism.

Also, an orgasm that happens because clothes are rubbing against your clit are not "orgasms that happen without genital stimulation." The cloths are literally giving the genital stimulation. But besides that, let's not get too excited about orgasms that some women say they have randomly in non sexual situation.

People use the word orgasm to mean all kinds of things, from a feeling of general pleasure to an emotional/spiritual excitement to physical arousal, and studies very rarely ever discern between these different uses of the word before declaring that this or that causes an orgasm. We women are living in a confused world when it comes to our orgasms, and frankly you just can't trust us to mean an actual physiological orgasm (the kind recorded and described by Masters and Johnson, the kind males understand to be orgasm, and the kind that women can and do have without much problem if we get enough and the correct clitoral stimulation) when we say we've had an orgasm on a survey. Scientist should understand that and not be so quick to jump on the women-have-all-kinds-of-crazy-orgasms bandwagon. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade here. Truly, do what you want, and enjoy it as much as you want.

But listen, if you want to hear about how women can think themselves to orgasm or exercise themselves to orgasm, or orgasm from vaginal penetration, anal intercourse, nipple stimulation, meditation, kisses on the neck, being whipped, or how women can get a back massage and come, then feel free to go just about anywhere else on the internet. There's so many people out there, including women ourselves, saying these things, that sometimes I feel like a real asshole for poo-pooing it. There are even studies out there showing that these things happen from time to time, but they're mostly surveys of women telling us that these things happened, and they just don't seem to deal with really understanding what these phenomena are in a physical, experimental way.  If you can show me studies that include physical confirmation of orgasm (not ejaculation, not arousal, not any other way that we use to mean orgasm, but an actual physiological orgasm) included with these survey reports of "coregasms" and "think-gasms", and all the other "gasms," then awesome. That's an interesting discussion.

That's not the case though. We as a culture are so willing to grasp onto these wild accounts of female orgasm because it fits so nicely into the completely incorrect story that female orgasms are somehow way more varied and magical than male orgasms are. We do not treat male orgasm in this way, and frankly that's probably why men have so much easier of a time orgasming than women do - because our culture doesn't act as though anything could make men orgasm and then underplay the importance of stimulating their organ of sexual pleasure the way we do for women.

I'm putting myself out as the counter balance - the asshole who poo poos these fringe accounts of female "orgasm" because we don't know if they are even orgasms, and even if they are I'm gonna point out that it's probably just a tiny, tiny minority of fluke orgasms. I'm the bitch who's skeptical of a woman's use of the word orgasm and of her account of strange, yet unaccounted for, ways she gets off. I'm gonna keep reminding people that the clitoris needs to be stimulated in order for women to come, and I'll continue doing it until excessively talking about fringe orgasms doesn't annoy me anymore due to the fact that clit stim is a given, taken for granted, aspect of sex.

So, point is, maybe there are some orgasms out there using no genital stimulation, but it's annoying that these are spoken about so matter of factly, like the whole thing has been observed physically, settled, and is something that might happen. Yes the title of #9 uses the word "rarely," but that's not how the body of #9 feels. It feels like if Stern's friend casually orgasms every time she's on a treadmill, you or your friend might too. It feels like you really might get an orgasm next time you go for a massage. I mean she says sometimes."Sometimes" means something very different than saying something like "rarely." Sometimes means sometimes, and I think speaking so flippantly about how female's could orgasm in a world where some women don't even know where their clitoris is, is irresponsible on the part of our sexperts - and I'm not just blaming her. Most of them do it. It's the norm.

P.S. There is actually a recognized condition that involves spontaneous arousal and orgasm, and it's not awesome. It's a painful and sometimes debilitating, so just make sure you don't wish for that.