Inside Amy Schumer S2 Ep7 - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Inside Amy Schumer 
This show makes me laugh, and here's the best part - Amy Schumer tends to bring it when it comes to realism and female sexuality. She brought it in her movie Trainwreck, in The Joe Rogan Podcast, and largely in the other episodes of this show I've SSL Reviewed so far. She has shown a strong willingness to give the clit the glory it deserves, speak some truths about lady sex experiences, rep for actual lady-gasms - all things largely absent in media and also incredibly important to Orgasm Equality.

As I often say, being a particular thing is only a first step in creating content that expresses a fresh and unique perspective of that thing. Just because she or anyone else is a woman doesn't mean that they automatically bring a thoughtful and unique lady-perspective to their work. I mean there's plenty of women that just regurgitate male-centric understandings of lady stuff as actual lady insight because, hey, I mean male-centric understandings of lady stuff gets soaked deep into all of us. It's hard to bring a new voice to the world when the world tries hard to define your voice for you. It takes something else in a person to parse that out and something even more to express the parsing and the unique perspective in an entertaining/relateable/interesting way. She has all that, and I think her voice has probably helped a lot of other ladies out there pull their own unique voice from below all the shit we soak from the culture we grew up in. To be fair though, I must say she could use some schooling and humbling when it comes to speaking about race though - but that's pretty true of a lot of us.

The SSL Reviewable
There is plenty to SSL Review in this show. And for those that don't yet know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussions or depictions of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I focus on that and really only that (unless I want to talk about something else). I'm looking mainly at realism and about how the depiction/discussion plays in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and women's sexuality.

All that said, this scene doesn't quite fit the SSL Reviewable criteria. However, it does make an insinuation about orgasm that I think is worthy of addressing.

Please, my friends, do enjoy more SSL Reviews for MOVIES and TV SHOWS.

Mine is Doggy! S2 Ep7

I'll describe this (kinda murky) SSL Reviewable scene and then discuss it a bit. 

This is the final scene of the show and as in many of her shows it's her doing stand-up in front of a live audience. She has a container of questions from the audience, and she's reading one.

Amy: What is your favorite sexual position?
(crowd laughs) 
Amy: Okay. Actually like eight people wrote the same one. But before she lets me answer, she wants me to know. 'Mine is doggy style, hits the G-spot!'
(crowd hoots and hollers and Amy points toward the crowd like she's answering back to something someone said out there) 
Amy: I know!
(Crowd continues to laugh)
Amy: This is what happens when you're a pretty girl. Everyone, like tells you what you say is interesting and important and you get really confused. No one ever did that to me. O, my favorite sexual position.  Well, I'm lazy, so it's usually I'm laying there like - like an actual slug.

Then she goes onto another joke.

My Thoughts (aka - fuck a G-spot)
The reason I'm doing an SSL Review on this scene is because the audience member's comment (let's call her Katelyn) insinuates that a penis hitting the 'G-spot' causes an orgasm. Granted, she didn't say it caused an orgasm. She just said she liked it because it hit the "G-spot." But, I mean, it's sex. Why would your favorite pozish not include an orgasm? Why would ol' Katelyn bring up the G-spot if not to insinuate that it made the position orgasmic to her? I mean maybe she's just saying she likes the g-spot hitting as an extra bonus, like saying you like 69 because you get to have something in your mouth - we can assume that's just a bonus to the best (and orgasmic) part- which is getting ate the hell out.

Cool, but either way Katelyn is still telling us she orgasms during doggy style - whether it be because of the G-spot hitting or because of the additional G-spot hitting during the basic situation of intercourse (i.e. getting a penis rammed in and out of your vagina). And to Katelyn I call bullshit - not on it being her favorite position, but on it being orgasmic. Straight up truth is that stimulation inside the vagina, whether it be basic ol' penis banging, specific G-spot stimulation (which I will define here as the female prostate which can be felt through the wall of the vagina), cervix stimulation, stimulation against the inner legs of the clit through the vagina, or anything else that sexperts might say gets stimulated in the vag - NONE OF THAT HAS EVER BEEN PHYSICALLY SHOWN IN SCIENTIFIC LITERATURE TO CAUSE ORGASM. It just plain hasn't. Go through the literature (here's some to start with). There are scientists who claim those things cause orgasm because a small percentage of women claim that it does, but even after half a century of physical testing for orgasmic response, not once has any scientist been able to prove it physically, and it's not like it's that hard. Women and men have been having physically recorded orgasms caused by penile and clitoral glans area stimulation pretty easily since the mid century.

Yet still, there are women who claim to orgasm from a good ramming - with no additional outer clitoral stimulation. They could be telling the truth. They could have physical qualities that other women don't have ...that are almost impossible to detect in scientific inquiry (because these 'special' qualities that cause 'vaginal/G'spot' orgasms absolutely have not been detected in scientific inquiry)....or, and hear me out, they aren't having orgasms from getting banged. There is no G-spot that exists as a mysterious spot in the vagina that causes orgasms when pounded on. Maybe, just maybe, a percentage of women say they orgasm this way because they wish they could, they think they are orgasming but are not, or they speak about pleasure sans orgasm during sex the same as orgasm - all of which are related to how confusing the information is around female orgasm.

I believe Katelyn's favorite pozish is doggy style. I also believe that all the sexpert advice out there telling women (without scientific basis) that g-spot stimulation is the ultimate in orgasm and that doggy-style can make it happen - influences us women and can twist our understanding of our orgasm and pleasure. Truth is G-spot stimulation (female prostate stimulation) has been shown to cause ejaculation in some women, but ejaculation and orgasm are different events - even in men where they tend to happen at the same time. It has not been shown to cause orgasm. So, maybe Katelyn likes to ejaculate. Maybe she's getting a reach-around on her clit that she's not speaking about. I can get behind all that.

I imagine though that her comment was really quite simple. She likes getting banged from behind because it 'hits the g-spot,' and she 'orgasms' hard from that - which to me is like a dude saying he gets banged hard in the ass with no reach around and comes hard from that. It's just not physically sensible.

I think Amy Schumer saw it in a similar way I did. I think when she said pretty girls think everything they say is interesting and important and they get confused, she was really saying, 'Fuck a fake-ass G-spot. That's some silly, naive shit this Katelyn just said.' That's the way I took it at least. 

The Vulva Rating
Just as it is, this scene showed a woman being excited about G-spot stimulation in a way that makes one assume that it caused orgasm for her. Although me and my minutely critical orgasm eye saw Amy's response as a criticism of Katelyn's G-spot hype, I don't think anyone else would have. So, realistically, Katelyn's statement just stands on its own and adds to the already strong pile of shit that is women and sexperts hyping of the G-spot as an orgasmic spot in the vagina. It's scientifically baseless, but the more women and men see other women and men hyping it, the more it seems like it should be real.

So, overall this scene increased the misinformation out there about lady-gasms. However, it was not really Amy's words. It was another person's, and this show's only sin here is that it didn't challenge it enough (although I kinda thought Amy made a small attempt to poo-poo it). Maybe if Amy had made mention of the G-spot doing nothing for her or the unlikeliness of the G-spot's reality - all of which she's done before, I would give this a high vulva rating, but she didn't. I'm not giving it a low one either. To me this just kinda stood in the middle holding the status quo. I give this a very average 3 out of 5 vulvas.

(!)(!)(!) 

Inside Amy Schumer - S2 Ep1

Share

Tweet

Inside Amy Schumer 
This show makes me laugh, and here's the best part - Amy Schumer tends to bring it when it comes to realism and female sexuality. She brought it in her movie Trainwreck, in The Joe Rogan Podcast, and largely in the other episodes of this show I've SSL Reviewed so far. She has shown a strong willingness to give the clit the glory it deserves, speak some truths about lady sex experiences, rep for actual lady-gasms - all things largely absent in media and also incredibly important to Orgasm Equality. (She could use some schooling and humbling when it comes to speaking about race though - but that's pretty true of a lot of us).

The SSL Reviewable
There is plenty to SSL Review in this show. And for those that don't yet know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussions or depictions of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I focus on that and really only that (unless I want to talk about something else). I'm looking mainly at realism and about how the depiction/discussion plays in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and women's sexuality.

Please, my friends, do enjoy more SSL Reviews for MOVIES and TV SHOWS.

The SSL Review

Season 2 Episode 1: A Car Accident

The end of almost all Inside Amy Schumer shows is her doing a piece of her stand-up to a small crowd. That's where we are for this first SSL Review.

She's telling the crowd that she's jealous of how dudes get to come. It seems fun...and not just because they get to spread their funfetti around. She pantomimes dude spreading their cum around like Oprah giving away free cars. No, it's because they're so ridiculously tired, satisfied, and disoriented after - like they were just in a car accident or something.

Then she ends with, "We're not like that. I need more recovery time after a sneeze than an orgasm." 

My Comments

First off, I just want to mention that clearly her saying this is funnier than reading my description of her saying it. That's a given. Well... I guess I can think of one incident where hearing a detailed description of a thing was way better than the thing itself - and that was when Tosh.0 gave a 25 minute detailed explanation of the movie Human Centipede. I can only find abridged versions of this now, but if you find the full version, I recommend that over the actual movie.

Anyway, Amy's saying this. She's got gestures and an attitude, and it works for humor. I like the visual of calling dudes ejaculating 'spreading their funfetti.' It's good for a laugh. However, I think if you get to the kernel of this bit, it doesn't hold up for me as the kind of humor-through-hard-truth-telling that really excites me about some of Amy's lady-related sex comedy. She's basically coming at this from - 'dudes get all tired/satisfied after an orgasm and women don't.' To me that kernel doesn't feel necessarily true. I mean I feel like a good orgasm can make a lady just wanna flop down and lay there for a while, ya know. 

Also...it's kind of a tired, not-that-perceptive premise for talking about differences  between men and women during sex. I feel like I've heard it a lot. I remember a bit I saw some comic do a while ago...I feel like it was Chris Rock, but I'm not sure...about how men fall asleep after an orgasm and women get more activated and start bouncing off walls and shit. Louis C.K. also did a bit where he basically said that men go to sleep and women don't after sex because men actually came and women didn't. I mean he actually never used the word come, he instead speaks about it in terms of women not being 'fucked well' enough to satisfy them - which is of course problematic because 'fucking' a woman is not what she needs anyway. Vag-banging ain't gonna get her there. A lady actually needs clit stimulation to come, and C.K. completely misses that point. However, his basic premise that women don't get all drowsy and shit after sex like men do because they are actually not physically satiated  (i.e. they didn't actually come) is not wrong. And, it seems to me a bit more in the humor-through-hard-truth-telling realm than Amy's kind of generic dudes-get-all-tired-satisfied-after-an-orgasm-and-women-don't-and-I'm-jealous thing.  

All that to say, I feel like Amy's whole joke here was funny on the surface, and thus not unsuccessful, but also it was kinda stale in that it played on old stereotypes about female sexuality without criticizing or more deeply examining those. I mean, it seems to me that it's worth considering that if a woman isn't as tired-disoriented after her 'orgasm' as her male partner is, then maybe she didn't actually orgasm. Maybe she just faked it or had intercourse (a thing people still very wrongly use interchangeably with 'had an orgasm') and just didn't come. Like, maybe there's a stereotype of women not acting satiated after sex or "having an orgasm" because lots of times ladies literally are not satiated. They didn't come and their male partner did...maybe that's why they seem to act different after. I feel like Amy missed her opportunity to dig into that. And by not digging into that, in essence she reiterated the pretty incorrect idea that women's orgasms are somehow intrinsically different than men's, and completely ignored what I think would be a pretty humor-through-hard-truth-telling avenue of pointing out why that stereotype exists in the first place.

But that's just, like, my opinion, man. Humor is a tricky thing, and I'm being picky. Picky because I respect her comedic work generally on these topics, so really it's just a loving critique to a person who in general does a fab-ass job with this kind of shit. And that's what SSL Reviews are about anyway - being uber-critical...because someone has to be.

The Vulva Rating
So, there is nothing revolutionary or progressive about Amy's joke. In fact it kind of bolstered the idea that women and men are naturally, physically different when it comes to orgasms. At the same time, it's also just neutral. It plays off a tired old stereotype, yet doesn't really make it any worse with extra inaccuracies or anything. It just doesn't question and dissect the stereotype, which does inadvertently reiterate it, but also....what I'm asking is a lot to ask someone to do every time she speaks of lady sex stuff. She does it well most of the time, and I'm heavily appreciative.

So, I'm going to stick to a very neutral 3 out of 5 vulva rating for this episode.

(!)(!)(!)

Saturday Night Fever - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Saturday Night Fever
I remember catching this movie on late night TV sometime in my late teens or early 20's. I'd only really known it as the whole BeeGees-John Travolta-Disco Dancing Point Move thing. Turns out, it's a dark, gritty movie, and I really liked it. Also, like for real, Travolta's dancing is more than that point move he did. He's a stone cold fab dancer. Anyway, saw it on Amazon Prime a couple nights ago, and decided to give it a re-watch. Still very much enjoyed it - even with all the rapey-ness and actual rape in it (I don't remember how I related to those scenes when I first saw it, but now I feel like they seem particularly poignant about how women are forced to traverse our sexual and romantic culture. I don't think the movie plays these lightly, but I also wonder how these scenes were perceived in 1977 when the movie came out).

There was also a lady-gasm scene in this movie, and so lucky me/lucky you, I get to SSL Review it.

The SSL Review Review
Here's a quick summary of an SSL Review for newbies. An SSL Review is a critique of depictions or discussions of female masturbation, female orgasm, or the clit. I only review those scenes - not the movie as a whole (unless I feel like talking about more), and I focus mostly on the realism of the depiction/discussion and also how it fits into a larger cultural discussion of female orgasm and sexuality.

Check all the SSL Review movies HERE and TV SSL Reviews HERE.

Lady-gasm Through A Car Window
Let me set the scene. Travolta (Tony) and his friends go to this disco in their home area of Brooklyn every weekend. They all drive in one car, and as they are getting out of the car to start their disco night, we hear them remind each other that they get 5 minutes in the car for fucking and then the next guy gets his turn. So, stuff happens in the disco, and then one friend (Joey) and his lady friend come up to Tony and complain that another friend (Double J) has already been in there 25 minutes, and he can't get him out. Tony, annoyed that these dudes can't do anything without him (he is the leader of this pack), goes out to the car followed by the couple. They bang on the wind and the following conversation ensues

Tony: Alright. Get out. You've been in there 20 minutes. Get out!

Then we see into the car (they're looking right in there at him), and we see Double J's naked butt, his pants around his thighs doing the girl missionary across the length of the back seat. We can't really see her underneath him. He kinda turns his head back to they guys looking through the window and says

Double J: 25 in the car, 20 in the chick
Tony: Yeah, well get out before we pull you out.

We hear her let out a bit of a moan

Double J: She ain't come yet!
Tony: (straight faced) Since when do you care?

We then see Double J move so that he's sitting on the middle of the back seat facing forward, and she is in front of him kinda on his lap facing away with her hands on the backs of the front seats. Since we don't see them again until after she comes, it's possible that she could have rubbed her clit, but nothing indicates that.
We are outside the car now and can't see quite what is going on.

Double J: Whoa...Okay. It's happening.
Lady in car: "Harder! Harder!
Double J: It's happening. It's happening!!

It clearly happens

Double J: I'll be out in a minute man 

Lady in car: Harder! I'm coming! I'm coming! (screams in orgasm) 

Double J: Oh Yeah!

The Review
Classic Laugh Line
First off, I think the lines where that dude says the gal hasn't come yet, and Tony says he never cared before, are pretty poignant about the state of our culture. It's like, kinda a joke but also not. That joke always is...still to this day. That whole dudes-don't-care-if -the-women-they-fuck-come thing can be used as a classic laugh line because even though at that time and today it's clearly a thoughtless, shitty way to approach sex with a woman, it can be a laugh line because it's also 'real-talk, hard-truth humor,' and that's kinda sad.

In 1977 when this movie was made, the idea that women should come during sex was maybe even more of a cultural topic than today because it was only a few years after the big important milestones in the women's sexual revolution. Masters & Johnston released their research showing that women can and do orgasm from appropriate clitoral stimulation and that couples should make sure the woman orgasms. Shere Hite published her surveys of women talking about their orgasm, masturbation, and sexual experiences. Hite told the world that it's BS women don't come during sexual encounters when they are absolutely capable of doing so given the right stimulation. The women's movement in general was heavy in the air in the mid-late 70's making, I assume, men feel wierd and nervous and defensive. The idea that women should be orgasming during sex was all part of that ( I wasn't even born at this time, but the writings from this time made it clear that this was a seemingly new and nerve-hitting topic of the day).

All that to say I think maybe, and I could absolutely be wrong here, that was one of the lines specifically added in this movie to demonstrate what types of guys these were. They were macho and old-school in their feelings - particularly about women. I say this because the movie absolutely has a strong theme involving men's inability to see women - as anything other than a pussy to stick a dick in, that is. So, if you ask me, I'd say that this laugh line pointing out disinterest in a woman's orgasm indicates these characters are the kinds of dudes that like to specifically give the fringe feminist ethos of the time a big 'fuck you.'

That line was written over 40 year ago, and I'm talking so much about it because I find it particularly relevant given that laugh lines about this kind of thing are still quite popular - in more machismo elements of our culture, but also in more mainstream media, memes, etc. Even if it's meant as a joke it's still true in our culture that it is a joke because it's kinda true. And when it's used as a laugh line, most would argue it is 'just a joke' - making fun of those people - you know, the other people who unlike 'most guys' don't have utmost understanding and respect for their lady-partner's desires and orgasm. Please. Like I said before, it's a laugh line because of the truth behind it, and I know that there is truth behind it because of all male-orgasm-only sexual encounters happening out there that include way more than just 'those other dudes.' It's kinda dudes in general with women in general being complicit. So point here is that I think we should remember we haven't come that far on the topic of female orgasm from where we were when this movie came out.

Car-gasm
As for the woman's orgasm in the car. I don't know how this was intended to be perceived, but since there was no indication she was diddling her clit during the time she was off screen. This, I would argue, is a depiction of a woman getting a penis moved in and out of her vaginal canal and vocally expressing an orgasm even though the physical things happening to her were not realistically things that would get a woman off - like anatomically speaking.

I always consider the possibility in these common, yet unrealistic depictions of female orgasm  that the intention was actually to depict a woman faking an orgasm. Occasionally I can argue that, but mostly, it doesn't seem to be the case, and in this scene, I would venture to guess she was really intended to be orgasming. I mean we were told that he had been screwing her for 20 minutes, and the incorrect/misleading notion that women need their vaginal canals banged for 20-30 minutes before they can come was around then as much as it is today, so it makes sense to me that the director wanted her to come and assumed that within the sex act they depicted, her orgasm was realistic. He was wrong to assume that banging a woman would cause her to come . It's actually unrealistic as hell because WOMEN NEED OUTER CLITORAL STIMULATION TO COME, but whatever. This is so common of a way lady-gasms are depicted that I'm not even mad.

If you ask me, though, the fact that she did make orgasm sounds there makes a lot of real-life sense to me. It seems realistic to what would actually happen in that situation. Granted this is completely fiction, and I'm now musing about what was really happening in this fictional scene, but I want to just play through this. So, what I mean here is that a classic way women fake an orgasm (or maybe a lot of times it's not quite faking, but just showing excitement in the way we think we should and is sexy for the man) is to vocally 'come' while he is actually coming. It's been a sensible option in a lot of ways for a lot of women. It's hot to him so it helps him get over the hump and come, but it also lets him know he can come if he feels he has to bang and hold off his orgasm until she comes. Bada boom bada bing. It ends all the banging that is actually not making her come and probably getting boring, Plus he's satisfied he's a real man and satisfied her. Everyone's happy...well, except the woman who in the moment or even years later will realize she's been having orgasmless, shit sex that has slowly chipped away at her once bountiful sex drive...I mean other than that.

The Vulva Rating
Saturday Night Fever had a classic scene of a woman coming during intercourse even though there was absolutely no clitoral stimulation involved. It's unrealistic and adds to the mountain of other scenes like this that continue to convince every new generation of women that they should be able to orgasm this way, even though anatomy and research into female orgasm says otherwise. It pushes incorrect ideas about how sex and orgasms should be, and does a lot of harm to women and men alike.

So that's bad, but I also think this movie is good and I think for its time it was a thoughtful look into how men so easily and commonly disregard women. So I give it a little point for that. I give this movie a 1 1/2 out of 5 star rating.

(!)(!

Big Little Lies - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Big Little Lies
Big Little Lies is an HBO miniseries with a preview that intrigued me enough to make a point in watching it. Plus, I have a thing about Reese Witherspoon. I'll always be willing to watch whatever she's in because I think she brings it, and even if it's kind of a crappy piece, her being in it will make it a little better. I feel the same way about Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Deal with it.

Anyway, I watched it. The preview is a bit misleading, which is fine. I kinda don't like to know exactly what I'm getting into. I liked this show. It was a good ride, and I don't want to ruin it too much with my SSL Review. So I'm going to be vague when I can, but there were 4 SSL Reviewable situations I'll be going over. Also, this should be the only season, because it was a completed miniseries, but of course there are rumors the author of this book the series was based on is writing a second season.

SSL Review
As always, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of the depiction or discussion of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I'm particularly looking for the level of physical realism and for how the depiction/discussion fits into the larger cultural discussion about female sexuality and orgasm. Sometimes I comment on other aspects of the movie. Sometimes I don't.

Please feel free to check out all the SSL Reviewed movies HERE and the SSL reviews TV shows HERE.

Real Rough Sex: S1 Ep2
Celeste (Nicole Kidman) gets slapped by her husband Perry (Alexander Skarsgard). She slaps him back, and then he pushes her hard against a wall, hurting her. He immediately starts to apologize and drops to his knees in front of her saying he's sorry and making excuses. He starts touching her and she pushes him away, and then he grabs both her hands and they sort of scuffle. It's aggressive, but almost looks like they're playing. He get ups and starts kissing her, and she is still kind of fighting back, but also she unbuttons his pants.

He aggressively turns her to face the wall and pushes her up against it, pulling his and her pants down just enough to enter her. He starts pounding her, and she begins to make orgasm sounds. It is over and they both seem to have come in under 10 seconds. She turns back around toward him, looks anywhere but in his eyes, squirms out from between him and the wall, and walks to look out the window, seemingly still kinda pissed. He slumps forward sort of regretfully.

Later she is having dinner with a friend, Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), and they are talking about a problem in Madeline's marriage, but it moves to Celeste and Perry.

Madeline: Are you telling me you and Perry don't ever fight?
Celeste: No, we do...sometimes.
Madeline: And then do you run off to therapy afterward?
Celeste: (chuckles) More often than not we end up having sex.
Madeline: Really?
Celeste: Yes. It starts with anger. I don't...it's complicated. sometimes I think he likes to fight because it leads to sex. Sometimes I think I like it too.
Madeline: How often does this happen?
Celeste: Happens...enough.
Madeline: I have to say, Celeste, that sounds a little bit twisted, but kind of great.
Celeste: yeah (laughing)

My Review
First things first. The sex that was happening in this scene didn't look like something that would realistically cause a woman to orgasm. You know what I'm gonna say here if you've ever read my blog before. Women need external clitoral/vuvla stimulation in order to orgasm. The in-out stimulation in the vag alone ain't likely gonna do the trick. In this situation, her vulva was not pressed up against anything that might be giving it stimulation while she was getting banged. Neither of them had a hand on it. She just came from intercourse, and quickly, I might add. So, physically, this was just unrealistic.

However, I think you might easily interpret this as her faking though. She still seems pissed once it is done, and I think one could look at this as her doing what she knows she needs to do to deescalate the situation; fuck and come for him. Then again, it gets murky because she says to her friend later that she "thinks she might like it too." I feel like that gives the audience the impression that she really was turned on by it and her orgasm was supposed to be a real one.

I actually think the larger arch of this character and her relationship to this guy weigh in on this. This early scene here makes it seem a bit like they may be mutually masochistic, but I think her story becomes a much more complicated depiction of a person in a violent relationship. We see her rationalize and bounce between her understanding of the situation, and to me with that larger picture, I feel like this was her doing what she needed to do, like I discussed above. However, I'm cognizant that most people don't obsessively detail out depictions of female orgasm in their minds and assess and re-assess them. So, I think to many viewers, this might also be another of many scenes they have watched showing a woman getting fucked to orgasm, and it will gently sit among all the others in their head with little follow-up thought.

I guess that means I think overall this was an actually quite complicated, delicate piece of a larger story about sex in this relationship, but what it may mean to most people in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm is simply a reiteration of the status quo feeling that women can come from a good banging.

Skype Sex: S1 Ep 2
Later that night, She is skyping with Perry who has gone away on business. sexing and starts to put her hand on her vulva

Perry: Hey will you do me a favor?
Celeste: What?
Perry: Take that beautiful robe off for a second.
Celeste: The boys are waiting for me downstairs.
Perry: Yeah, well, I have to help myself go to sleep. You need to help me help myself.
Celeste: Do I, now?
Perry: Let me just look at my gorgeous wife for a second...ten seconds.
Celeste: I'll give you five (begins taking off her robe.
Perry: Wow, what a nice five.
Celeste: She gives a quick show, pulls up shirt and shows her boobs.
Celeste: Okay, that's enough naughty boy. You'll have to come home sooner if you want more.

Then later that night, we see her with her computer on the bed skyping him again. He's naked under the sheet, and reaches under to start masturbating. She does a little strip from her robe to a little satin nightie shorts/camisole thing. She reaches her hand down her shorts to her vuvla area. They are quick shots, but the last one is her on her knees on the bed, clearly rubbing her vulva area with little moans.

My Review
So, this is a complicated one too that continues the arch of our evolving understanding of her sexual relationship with this guy. The depiction is not as complicated as the one before though because she's masturbating...or about to, and she seems to be doing in a physically realistic way. The only thing we can really tell is that her hand is generally on her vulva, but that's good enough. That's the place one would stimulate to get herself to orgasm, and we don't see her doing anything that looks like she's imitating intercourse or anything. It's physically realistic.

I like that we are seeing a woman masturbate.  To me any time that happens, lady-bation gets a little more normalized, and more women will feel less silly or embarrassed or ashamed to try it. I believe the more women do it, the more women will understand as they go into partnered sex, how they orgasm which will give a much better chance of molding that partnered sex into something that might be orgasmic for a woman.

Shower Oral: S1 E3
Celeste is in the shower. Her and Perry had a fight earlier. He brings a huge diamond necklace in to her and puts it around her neck. Then we see a bust shot of her clearly getting pleasure from down below, and then a far away shot through the glass shower, clearly showing him knelt down giving her oral sex while she is standing with one leg over his shoulder.

My Review
Again with this couple, there is all the baggage and complication we discussed above, but this time, the physical thing happening to her is something that could physically cause her to orgasm - because, nothing says lady-gasm like a mouth on a clit. So, this is realistic, and it depicts a dude going down on a lady. I always applaud that because the more we see something the more we might mimic it, and cunnilingus is certainly something I approve mimicking. (I mean, we see enough blow jobs, amIright? We could use a little balance out there in the media).

Loud AF Office Sex: S1 Ep3
Renata (Laura Dern) and her husband (Jeffery Nordling) end up having sex in his office bathroom (like, he has a huge office and this is his private bathroom in it). Before they do it, she says with a sly smile that they can't because people will hear, saying to him, "you know how I get." When we cut back to them, it's clear the whole office can hear. They are both super loud. She is sitting on the bathroom counter, skirt on. He's standing fucking her. He's really banging into her. It's really not grindy at all. She's screaming, "Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me to the moon and back."  Then they finish. With their final intensity increasing to a peak before they collapse against each other, it really seems like they were depicted as orgasming simultaneously.

My Review
Man, I don't know. It might just be me, but I'm real poo-poo about being super loud during sex. To each her own, but like, I feel it takes extra effort to yell and scream and project your voice - shit that takes your mind off your junk getting stimulated and onto your 'performance'. It just doesn't seem very orgasm conducive to me. And honestly, men don't do that loud shit much at all - not in porn or in real life, and they almost always come during sex. I mean some sounds and breaths and the ol' kinda involuntary vocalization/breath that might happen as you're orgasming makes sense to me, but all the yelling? I guess arousal is a very personal thing, and some people might really get excited by yelling, who knows?  I'm just not that down with it, and you're reading this blog, so you have to listen to me spout off about it.

Which brings me to this: I think her orgasm in this scene is fake as hell, but I don't think it was meant to be, and that's not great. I think she's faking because nothing seemed to be touching her clit vulva area. He's banging into her. He's not grinding at all, and certainly not in a way that her clit/vulva area could make contact, much less consistent contact withanyhing on his body. She's just getting the inside of her vagina stimulated. Again, not great for an orgasm. His loud ass bullshit is gross to me too, but at least I know his whole penis is encompassed in a warm wet place that is uber-conducive to a man having an orgasm, so there's no reason he should be faking his.

Anyway, this fictional couple is, as so many real hetero couples all over thee world, having sex that is only really conducive to male orgasm, but the female acts as though she is orgasming as well. Why? Well, there's lots of reasons and most of us have used at least one of them: because we think we should; because we think the excitement and pleasure of the situation is good enough to vocalize in that way; because we know it won't end if we don't orgasm and the only way we'll orgasm in that situation is to fake it; because we assume what's happening is an orgasm, or a different kind of orgasm; because we want to show our appreciation to the guy fucking us or maybe just don't want to make him feel bad; because we feel like it; because it's fun to act wild and sexy.

Whatever it is, it does happen all the time, and this is just another depiction of that. It, like all the other depictions out there like this, serves to reiterate something false in our minds - that other women do orgasm that way, and that it is expected and normal for women to orgasm from nothing more than a dick in the vaigna.

The Vulva Rating
This is a very mixed review, but overall this series adds to the impression that women orgasm from the ol' in and out. I'll give some points for depicting cunnilingus and the start of a woman masturbating, but I don't think this does anything to move forward on orgasm equality, and might even help to keep us stagnant. I give this 2 out of 5 vulvas.

(!)(!)

The Deuce S1 Ep1 - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

The Deuce Episode 1 Season 1
The Deuce is a new HBO series, and James Franco is a main character that plays a set of twins, which, you know, is quite a thing. I've actually only seen the very first episode, so that's all I know of the show, but it's supposed to be about the rise of the legal porn industry in New York in the 70's. I actually enjoyed the first episode. I'll be watching more of course. I mean, this show is clearly one that will have lots of SSL Reviewable moments in the future, and I can't miss out on that.

SSL Review
As always, an SSL Review is the critique specifically of the depiction or discussion of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I'm particularly looking for the level of physical realism and for how the depiction/discussion fits into the larger cultural discussion about female sexuality and orgasm. Sometimes I comment on other aspects of the movie. Sometimes I don't.

Please feel free to check out all the SSL Reviewed movies HERE and the SSL reviews TV shows HERE.

O Face
So a young woman is doing her professor on a couch. He is laying flat on his back, and she is on him cowgirl style with her body completely perpendicular to his. It's grindy but also up and down (like his pushing up into her and down more than she's using her legs to bounce up and down on him). Despite the grindiness, her body is so perpendicular to his that there's no way her clit or vulva are being stimulated against him, and none of their hands are near her vuvla. Her clit is not being stimulated in this situation. We see a quick long shot of them and their whole bodies when the scene opens, but then it moves and and is mostly a bust shot from then on. Overall it's a quick scene, and starts just before he comes. She clearly does not, and she starts calmly laughing at him right after he does.

Professor: What?
Student: The expression on your face when you came. That look. (scrunches her face up)
Professor: Okay.
Student: If people stopped for a moment an realized what they looked like during sex, they'd lose it. I mean if it wasn't fun it'd be ridiculous.

Motel Sex
James Franco (one of him) is doing a coworker in a motel room.She's laying on the bed on her back. He's standing. Her feet are up on either side of his head - knees about his body width apart, and he's fucking her - like banging into her. It starts with a close just really on his naked butt (which I was cool with). We hear her kinda moan-screams with each thrust. She's kinda like perma-gasming during this whole thing - very porny.

Then the shot moves up to his back and her feet up in the air. He's still banging. We see that his hands are around her knees. They're still banging. She starts adding in a 'yeah' to her perma-gasm sounds. The shot pulls out a bit, and we see one of her hands is gripping his leg and the other is up by her head. Nobody's hands are on her clit. Her clit is definitely not touching his body. It's also unlikely that there's a sorta stimulation thing going on with her legs being pressed together (which could press her pussy lips together around her clit maybe giving it some stimulation) because her legs are actually not pressed together. Her knees are about a foot apart so that's not happening...plus, that Rube-Goldberg legs-press-lips-kinda-stimulate-clit type of orgasm possibility is a bit of a stretch anyway, methinks - even if she did have her legs pressed together.

It ends with them both kinda amping up; his intensity/breathing, her perma-gasming. He collapsed down to the bed and they both lay there panting as if they had both orgasmed.

My Thoughts
Same vagina banging, two different results
Well, there was one scene where a woman was getting the inside of her vagina stimulated without any clitoral/vulva stimulation...and she did not orgasm while the man underneath her did. Then there was another vag stimulation scene with no additional clitoral/vulva stimulation, but this time the woman came simultaneously with the man. The first is realistic (because women need outer clitoral/vulva stimulation to come and stimulating the vagina just can't be expected to get the job done) and the second is some bullshit, but bullshit that we see all. the. time.

Depictions of regular intercourse - just a dude banging a woman where no one uses hands, vibes, bedding or each other's bodies to give that ol' clit/vuvla area consistent stimulation like the penis gets inside the vagina - those oh-so-normal scenes are telling when it comes to female orgasm. The woman orgasms or doesn't orgasm based not on what is physically happening to her. That part is pretty consistent (and consistently not conducive to lady-gasms). It's based on other crap; like her mood or whatever the writer thinks would be a good scene.

Men's orgasms aren't depicted so willy-nilly
It's wierd because that doesn't happen for men. If a man in a regular ol' sex scene doesn't come, it's because the scene was stopped before that part of the sex act, or there is a specific and touched upon reason why he didn't. Maybe it was stress, or he's drunk, or something happens that prevents it, but rest assured it's not just sitting out there without comment that he didn't orgasm. The truth is a vagina is a perfect stimulating device for a penis, so if all else is well, there's no reason a man shouldn't come during intercourse. So, depictions are like that for men, I can only assume, because in real life men do almost always orgasm during regular ol' sex and if they don't it's a 'thing.' Viewers, writers, director and actors all are on a similar page about this.

Ladies have confusing orgasm depictions because people are confused about how women orgasm
However, we can have 2 scenes in the same episode that both are basically stimulating the same parts on the women, but one comes and one doesn't because, well, women don't often (I might say almost never) come during that type of regular old sex. BUT...then again, sometimes we fake it and our partner (maybe even we ourselves), don't realize it's faked. We even sometimes actually come, but it was because we were grinding our clits against him just right, but he (and maybe even we) thought of it as just coming from getting banged.

My point is we as a culture are kinda ignorant about what the fuck makes a woman orgasm, and the real life experiences we have during intercourse just add to our confusion about it. So, unlike men, when it comes to women and orgasm during regular ol' sex, we assume she can because we see it in movies, but we also don't assume she will. We don't always notice or care if she doesn't, and we don't really question it either way. So when we depict it, we just depict it in a haphazard, however-the-fuck-I-want-to sorta way. This is the situation in this episode, and like I said, it's telling about how we view and experience female orgasm in real life.

The Vulva Rating
These 2 sex scenes are just status quo. I may be proved wrong, but I feel like they are done with very little thought or energy. It's just like the scene said 'sex scene' and the creators did it like they think a sex scene should be or how they've seen them done before. The truth is, it takes some particular insight into the female sexual experience and some gumption to make a better sex scene when it comes to female orgasm. This show didn't have that.

I will give it a little boost because 1 of the scenes realistically showed a lack of orgasm during that regular ol' sex...but not too much of a boost, because I think it's less a result of thoughtfulness and more a result of the crap-shoot orgasm/no-orgasm situation that naturally happens in these scenes due to miseducation and confusion about female orgasm in our larger culture.

I give this episode a mere 2 out of 5 vulvas.

(!)(!)

The Night Of S1 - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

The Night Of
After hearing some this and that about it, we watched The Night Of  a couple weeks back. I liked it. There were parts where I liked it more or less than other parts, but all in all it was a good watch. Plus, there were some really thoughtful points made about the justice system in this show. I'd give it a look  - especially if crime drama is your sort of thing.

Sex between a guy and gal was a main plot point in the series, but neither the point in the sex where orgasm might take place nor any insinuations or discussions of that aspect of the sex where a relevant part of the plot, so there was no SSL reviewing to be done there. However, there was a couple SSL Reviewable scenes.

What is an SSL Review?
As always, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of a depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or masturbation. I look toward realism (for instance - were the physical things happening to that actress while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and to what the depiction/discussion reflect from and add to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

I will continue adding these reviews to the big ol' list of TV SSL Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSl Reviews HERE).

I will first describe the scenes and then I'll discuss their relevance:


S1 E3 Prison Bangin'
There's a large portion of this show that takes place in prison, and there is one inmate, Freddy played by one of my very faves Michael Kenneth Williams, is a famous boxer and is kinda like the king of the prison. He has a private room. The guards bring him take-out. He basically does what he wants with the permission and/or turned heads of the prison employees.

So, we see him in handcuffs being led somewhere by a female guard, but then we find that this was not some normal ol' prison guard moving a prisoner around, but was in fact a hook-up. We see the guard in a stark room, facing the wall and bracing herself against it with one hand while the other is on (or maybe cuffed to) a pipe above her. Freddy is standing behind fucking her.

It's not a long scene, but the insinuation with her screams and moans was that she came. There was nothing, including his or her hands, anywhere near her clitoral/vulval area at all. So, if she came it was from the penis stimulating the inside of her vagina...which if you look at the scientific literature on female orgasm (and you know I do), you will find is something that has never ever been shown to cause an orgasm.

So, was this a common depiction of female orgasm? Absolutely. A depiction of a woman being banged into orgasm from mere penis-inside-vagina-friction is standard fare in TV, movies, books, and porn.

Was it a physically realistic depiction of female orgasm? No, absolutely not. If the outer clitoris/vulva area was not stimulated, then it's simply an unlikely (if not impossible) way for a woman to come. So, as common as that type of depiction may be, it's still not a good one.


S1 E4 Prostitute Gettin' Real
The lawyer Jack Stone played by John Tuturro, sometimes hires a prostitute named Ciara (played by Racquel Bailey). He also represents her when she gets into legal problems. Anyway, in this scene he's having sex with her missionary. He's on top. She's laying pretty motionless below him. He's pumping on her. None of their hands are near her vulva. There is also no grinding or writhing that might insinuate she's stimulating her vulva against his body. So, my point here is it's real unlikely she's orgasming. However, she does...well, she pretends to. As he's getting closer, she starts saying "That's it. That's it. That's it!" before 'coming. ' Then we see her roll her eye's as he's coming. It's clear that she was faking so he would finish up and think she enjoyed it.

My Thoughts
So the prison scene was about as classic as you can get - a woman getting banged and coming with no external clit stimulation. That's pretty much how lady-gasms are portrayed the majority of the time in porn, movies, TV, books, all of it - even though the majority of women have never ever orgasmsed during intercourse and no orgasm from vaginal stimulation has ever been recorded in scientific literature. So, it's just a bunch of bullshit that reinforces the incorrect assumptions about how a woman orgasms. It's keeping that status quo alive.

The prostitute's scene was solid. I like it. I like seeing something that I think we can all agree is a very real part of life - a woman faking orgasm. So, this part gets a good SSL Review from me. However, I want to point out that depicting a prostitute fake an orgasm or not have an orgasm during intercourse is not that uncommon, and I would argue, not super duper progressive. Prostitutes in movies can have orgasm-less sex while standing or get banged in missionary or anything else, and those depictions often physically look no different than depictions of non-prostitute couples where the female is shown orgasming.

Why? Well, here's my 2 cents. Maybe the world knows deep inside that banging a woman's vaginal cavity does not bring her to orgasm, and we can openly acknowledge that if the sex involved is emotionless like we assume prostitute sex to be. However, it's hard to openly admit that when it comes to a romantic couple because doing so might open up the door to another possibility; that the sex nice, loving couples, couples like many of us believe we are, are having is ladygasm-less too...and that's just a little too real maybe.

The other part is that a link between emotion and orgasm for women is deeply embedded in our culture in a way it is not for men. I mean, yeah, arousal is important to orgasm and a good partner is important to arousal, but the kind of strict connection between emotion and ability to orgasm that we attribute to women seems ridiculous when we apply the same standard to men.

So, it makes sense (in a very nonsensical way) to depict a prostitute in a sex act faking orgasm even though depictions of a woman deeply in love with her partner doing the exact same physical sex act might very well be depicted as orgasming enthusiastically.

SSL Review
So, the prison scene is not realistic, but it's also not taking the plight of female orgasm and female sexuality backwards. It's completely status quo, and just reinforces all the same incorrect assumptions about ladygasm that already strongly exist.

The prostitute's scene is realistic and I very much appreciate that. However, I wouldn't say it's pushing the culture much farther forward in our understanding of ladygasm or female sexuality. It fits easily into the misguided but strong cultural feeling that women's orgasm is governed more by their emotional connection than by the actual physical things that are happening to their genitals. So, it's a very middle of the road scene for me.

Overall, I rate The Night Of - season 1 Three Vulvas.
(!)(!)(!)

SSL Review - Seinfeld S5 E1 "The Mango"

Share

Tweet

A Seinfeld SSL Review
Charlie's been randomly watching old Seinfelds during his lunch lately, and I happen to be around during a particularly SSL Reviewable episode, Season 5 Episode 1, "The Mango."

As my most of you already know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of a depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or masturbation. I critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

"THE MANGO" DETAILED SUMMARY
I usually take each scene containing depiction/discussion of lady-gasm one by one and discuss them that way, but this whole episode is about lady-gasm, particularly the faking of, and it is better discussed as a full piece. So, I'm going to give you an overview of the episode with transcripts of key parts (from my ear to the paper, so forgive any misspellings and such). Then I'll discuss at the end.

Scene #1 - Cafe Lady-gasm Discussion and Discovery of Orgasm Faking
So it begins with Jerry and George eating at the diner and George is talking about his new girlfriend, Karen. He thinks it's all good except one part which Jerry guesses correctly is something sexual. George begins to explain.

George: I've never really felt confident in the...ah...one particular aspect.
Jerry: Below the equator?
George: yeah.
Jerry: Nobody does. You know, nobody knows what to do. You just close your eyes 'n hope for the best. I really think they're happy if you just make an effort.
George: I..I..I don't know. Last time I got the tap.
Jerry: You got the tap?
George: You know, you're going along, you think everything's alright. Then all the sudden ya, ya get the tap. You know it's like,  '(he whistles) Alright that's enough. You're through.'
Jerry: The tap is tough.
George: It's like the manager coming out and asking you for the ball.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, maybe she just wanted to move on to other business.
George: Nah, no this wasn't moving on. I got the hook. I wish I could get a lesson in that.
Jerry: It's a very complicated area.
George: You could go crazy trying to figure that place out.
Jerry: It's a hazy mystery.
George: Anyway, I think everything else is okay. Unless of course she's fakin'.

(Elaine comes in and sits down)
Elaine: Who's fakin'?
George: Nothing.
Elaine: Fakin' what?
George: Nobody's faking.
Elaine: Ahhh! orgasm?
George: She's not faking.
Elaine: How do you know?
George: I know, I can tell. It's one of my powers. Why? Did you ever fake?
Elaine: Of course.
Jerry: Really?!
George: You faked?
Elaine: On occasion.
Jerry: And the guy never knows?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: How could he not know that?
Elaine: 'Cause I was gooood.
Jerry: I guess after that many beers he's probably a little groggy anyway.
(Jerry and George laugh)

Elaine: You didn't know.
Jerry: What?
Elaine: You didn't know.
Jerry: Are you saying...with me?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: You faked with me?
Elaine: Yeah
Jerry: You faked with me?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: No.
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: You faked it?
Elaine: I faked it.
Jerry: That thing, that whole production? It was all an act?
Elaine: Not bad, huh?
Jerry: What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?
Elaine: fake. fake. fake. fake.
Jerry: I'm stunned. I'm shocked.

(Elaine shruggs her shoulders)
Jerry: How many times did you do this?
Elaine: Uuumm.....All the time.
Jerry: All the time! I thought I was so good.
George: I'm sure you were.
Elaine: Listen Jerry. it's not you. I just didn't have them back then.
Jerry: She faked...maybe they've all been faked.
Elaine: I'm sure they're not.
George: Maybe Karen is faking

Scene #2 - Jerry Goes Home And Talks To Kramer About It
Jerry tells Kramer he doesn't understand why she would lie. He says it's like sexual pejury.

Jerry: How'd she do it? She's like Meryl Streep this women. And I know how to work the equipment! I'm not unskilled. I'm in the union! How did she do it? I mean if she could have at least told me I could have done something about it.
Kramer: Yeah - I could have helped you out.
Jerry: What could you have done?
Kramer: Well, I could have given you some pointers. I know how to press those buttons, buddy.
Jerry: Well I'm feeling very inadequate about the whole thing.

Then Elaine calls because they are supposed to see a movie later. He's all upset and says he doesn't want to do anything with her, but then he does anyway.

Scene #3 Elaine's Office After The Phone Call To Jerry
Elaine: Renee, can you come here a second. Let me ask you something. Ummmm...have you ever, you know, faked it?
Renee: Yeah sometimes.
Elaine: Really, like when?
Renee: Like if we went to Broadway show, if we had really good seats. Well, and you know, if it's enough already and I just want to get some sleep.

Scene #4 George And Karen On A Date
They are eating dinner. After she finishes her risotto, she kinda ooo's an ahh's and moans all orgasmy-ish and lights up a cigarette. George is freaked out and tries to cryptically ask if she orgasms with him by asking if she feels the same way about the risotto as she does about him. He never gets any kind of answer and is just more freaked out.

Scene #5 Jerry And Elaine At Dinner - He Asks For a 2nd Chance
Jerry can't stop talking about the faking thing and Elaine keeps trying to tell him to stop worrying, but then Jerry blurts out:

Jerry: Give me another shot.
Elaine: What?!
Jerry: Another shot. I want another shot.
Elaine: You mean? No - I don't think so.
Jerry: Come on. One more shot. I can do it. I know I can do it.
Elaine: Jerry, we're friends. We can't do that. We're friends. It would ruin our friendship.
Jerry: Oh friendship sminship.
Elaine: No - that's important to me.
Jerry: Oh - we won't ruin the friendship.
Elaine: Yes we will.
Jerry: Elaine!
Elaine: It is out of the question. No Jerry. You know what sex does to a friendship. It kills it.
Jerry: A half hour. Give me a half hour.
Elaine: No.
Jerry: Okay, 15 minute. I guarantee you 15 minutes, and I can make it happen.
Elaine: No!
Jerry: You're worried I'll be able to do it, aren't you?
Elaine: What? No. It doesn't matter. Jerry, I don't caaare.
Jerry: That's it. That's it. You like having this on me. You don't want me to do it.
Elaine: That is so ridiculous
Jerry: Come on Elaine!.
Elaine: No!
Jerry: Elaine!
Elaine: No!

Scene #6 George And Karen In Bed After George Couldn't Get It Up 
They are laying face up next to each other looking up forward. He looks animated and neurotic, going over stuff in his head, and she looks unsatisfied. He tells her it was Jerry's fault, and she replies:

Karen: Oh I don't care. George, really it's alright.
George: So you feel okay?
Karen: Well, it's not like after the risotto.

Scene #7 Jerry, George, Kramer, and the Introduction of the Mango
They are all 3 at Jerry's apartment. George is basically telling them that he couldn't get it up with Karen, and he's thinking it'll never work again. Jerry had been calling ex girlfriends asking about if they had orgasms when they were together. He gets ahold of one and she says yes, and then he immediately calls Elaine to tell her other girls have come with him.
Then George eats some mango that is really good and starts to feel a tingling in his man junk, so he leaves triumphantly.

Scene #8 George In Aftermath Of Sex With Karen
They are both sweaty, and Karen is giving little aftermath moans like it was good. George starts talking in a little bit of an arrogant way.

George: Thanks. It's not necessary.
Karen: What's not necessary?
George: The little extra moan you threw in there. Laying it on extra thick aren't we?
Karen: What are you talking about?
George:What am I talking about? Come on. You really think I bought all that?
Karen: What?
George: You're very good. You're very good with the moaning and the gyrations and all of that. You really had me going there for a minute
Karen: You think I was faking?
George: Come one. Oh George! Oh George! Come on. Not that I don't appreciate the effort that was put into it.

Then she kicks him out.

Scene #9 - Jerry's Other Shot
Elaine comes by to give Jerry some of his stuff from her apartment since Jerry can't get over it and the friendship can't go on. But, just before she leaves, she gives in and says she'll give him another shot. He's giddy, and they go into the bedroom.

It cuts back to them and they are next to each other in his bed. Elaine's on her side reading a magazine. Jerry's freaking out because he clearly couldn't get it up, and he's lost his 'other shot'. He says it's all George's fault. Then Elaine says, "You know, I'm a little hungry. You wouldn't happen to have any of that mango left?"
And there my friends is the punch line - Jerry's eye's widen at the thought of some mango giving him a boner again just like it did for George.


THE REVIEW
I'll try to keep this quick, so let me bullet point the things I want to say:

• Jerry, I'm not sure if you're an idiot or an asshole. You wanna make Elaine come so bad? You wanna prove you can do it? EAT. HER. OUT. News flash: you don't need an erect penis to do that. You don't need a penis at all really. No mango required.
• The fact that there was not even a nod to the fact that he could have used something other than his dick to make her come is quite telling. I would be blamey towards him for not knowing that most women (and probably even more than we currently acknowledge) don't orgasm during intercourse, but it's actually not surprising and ya almost can't blame someone for that. With the media and sex ed and every other part of our sexual culture insinuating that ladies come from penises moving in vaginas, one probably never hears the cold hard fact that there is absolutely no physical record of an orgasm caused by stimulation inside the vagina in all of science. Clits need to be stimulated, people. Clits.
• I'm not trying to harp on this, but...listen, they spoke at the beginning of the show about going down on the ladies, so I know they know it exists, and I also know they can find ways to speak about it in the show and still get by censors. So, you tell me why there was no discussion or attempt by Jerry to orally get at Elaine's clit. You. tell. me!
• I'm gonna side with George on one thing. She probably was faking...because the situation was about him being able to get it up....which means he was able to fuck her hole with his pole, which means he probably did nothing but stimulate her vagina...which means she probably didn't come.
• Jerry's comment about women simply being happy that a man would make an effort at eating her out: Man, fuck you. Yeah, Jerry, we don't want to come. We just like to be aroused and then NOT come - kinda like the blue balls situation you dudes like so well. We are just happy you gave us an opportunity to help you come. Yeah, I know this is a joke line, and it fits the notoriously thoughtless style of Seinfeld characters, but this type of sentiment from men is too real to just be a joke. It acts equally as a reinforcement and normalization of that viewpoint, and sadly it isn't much different now, 20 years later. See this lady who gave up BJ's due to men all too often giving about as much fucks or less than Jerry did in that statement.
• George's wishes that he could get some lessons on the ol' oral were nice, cause at least he's thinking about it, but it just reminded me how very much porn teaches us ladies about dick sucking and how little it teaches about clit sucking. Seriously, porn cunnilingus is showy, often painful looking (at least to me - those dudes do some rough shit sometimes), and rarely takes the lady to orgasm. I actually do feel more sorry for guys in that department. Ladies, if you can't figure out how to suck some come out of a man from watching porn, then you aren't great at learning. That said...it's still not that hard to do the ol' cunnilingus. If a dude puts in the time, he'll figure it out just fine. Lots of men have done it. It's not rocket science.
• Why they gotta be straight up saying that the female orgasm is a mystery? It ain't. I'm not surprised it was said. That's an incredibly common sentiment, but it's BS. Female orgasm is a mystery in the way making a PB&J without the peanut butter is a mystery. You need the P for a PB&J and you need the clit for the female orgasm. Banging a woman usually doesn't include the clit. Women don't walk around tickling guys balls and being surprised at the mysterious nature of the male orgasm - we know that won't work, so men shouldn't walk around stimulating our vaginas and being surprised at the mysterious nature of the female orgasm - they should know that doesn't work, The lady-gasm isn't mysterious. You just stupid.
• I call bullshit on Elaine telling Jerry it wasn't a big deal that she didn't orgasm with him. She says she just didn't have them back then. Let me tell you a story; Jerry never ate her out or touched her clit. That's why she didn't have orgasms with him. It's not like at 30, her body just evolved like an x-rated Pokemon, suddenly going from no orgasm to orgasm power even though she was doing the same shit she'd been doing before. That's ridiculous. Okay, to be fair maybe she didn't have orgasms back then, but it was probably because she has since started advocating for her orgasm. She dates dudes that go down and she makes sure her clit gets rubbed when she's fucking. So, just 'cause she didn't come back then doesn't mean it's fine and Jerry is a fine lover. He's still probably a selfish, clueless, penis centered lover. It's just that now Elaine either avoids, educates, or rubs her own junk despite those types of lovers.
• All the stuff about women faking is unfortunate, but true. And it's true partly because of everything we talk about above. Lady-gasms are not prioritized, depicted correctly, and not a natural part of the 'normal' flow of a sexual encounter (ie. some, but not enough, foreplay to the clit and penis, then intercourse until the male orgasms). We women do the best we can to navigate a sexual culture that is very much not conducive to female orgasm and very much unwilling to admit it is not conducive. Sometime our best option is to fake. If people don't want women faking, people need to create a sexual culture where it doesn't make much sense to. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
• Notice how the problem was framed as poor George and poor Jerry feeling like they weren't able to bring any woman they wanted to orgasm. It wasn't that poor Elaine had a bunch of sex with Jerry and probably other men without any orgasm at all. Take a minute and think about how much that sucks and how much a guy would think that sucks if that was his experience. It's a perfect reflection of how very little the female orgasm is valued as part of a sexual encounter and how not problematic it seems for a woman to go through all the work and grossness of sex without that lovely final orgasm that makes it all worth it.
• Yes, I know these are pretend characters on a TV show 20 years ago. I'll talk at them like they are real anyway. The thing is though, pretend people that we hang out with over a period of years pull strong influence on us with what they do, how they dress, and what they say, so I think critique, even nit-picky critiques, are important.

THE VULVA RATING
So, this whole episode is a reflection of some of the worst aspects of our sexual culture when it comes to lady-gasms.
There is a reinforcement and normalization through humor of:

1. The female orgasm and female genitals being confusing and mysterious
2. The idea that to get a woman to orgasm, one needs an erect penis to put in and out of her vagina
3. The sense that women don't need orgasms and that it's no big deal if she doesn't get to have orgasms when she has sex
4. Male sexual pride, not the pleasure of the female is the most important loss when a woman doesn't come or fakes coming during sex
5. Completely ignoring the clit and stimulation of the clit when it comes to sexual encounters and to making a woman orgasm

All of that adds up to a backwards step for Orgasm Equality and a ZERO VULVA RATING.

Coming to America: The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

I put on a movie yesterday - cause I was cleaning and I wanted something I liked but didn't need to pay attention too, and dag burn it, ya know what? It turned out to be SSL Reviewable. What was that movie? It was Coming to America. I also watched Grease, which I'd never really seen before, and Dirty Dancing that day. Shit was reeeal dirty.

Anyway, I haven't SSL Reviewed in a while, so just to refresh your memory - an SSL Review is exclusively about a depictions or discussion of female masturbation and/or orgasm. I'm judging on realism and what this depiction or discussion brings to the cultural conversation about female orgasm. I rate in vulvas, but I honestly can't remember if I rate on a 4 or 5 vulva scale.  A movie may be superb in every way but get a 0 vulva rating, or it might be a complete piece of crap, but get a 5 (let's assume it's on a 5 vulva scale) rating. One does not mean anything to the other...unless I decide otherwise, since I can do whatever I want.

The Description
I'm going to make this one quick, because honestly I have more cleaning to do. If you're not familiar, Coming to America is a 1988 movie starring Eddie Murphy as a Prince who decides that he doesn't want to marry the woman who was raised to be his wife, a lovely, blank woman who literally will do whatever he says and has no personality of her own. Instead, he and his right-hand man (Arsenio Hall), go to America - Queens, NY to be exact, on vacation with a secret mission to find a woman that he might actually want to spend time with. The two pretend to be regular ol' people (instead of a prince that has flower petals dropped in front of his feet wherever he walks).

So there was only one moment in the movie that is eligible for SSL Review, and it was when they first get to Queens. They go out to a night club and then there is a montage of them sitting across from women as if on a sort of speed date or something. The women say things and the guys react. As you might imagine, clearly none are suitable. The first woman (played by Mary Bond Davis) has 3 shots in front of her. She takes two and says the following thing.

"See that's the problem. I can't find a man that can satisfy me. Now some guys go an hour, hour and a half. That's it. A man's got to put in overtime for me to get off."

Then she takes the last shot and it cuts to the next women.

Mary Bond Davis in Coming to America

So, the basic joke in this montage is that these women are all saying things that indicate something really weird about themselves or something that would make them a really bad person to date. One woman is married. One worships satan. One is only interested in money. Twins sit down and reveal they are actually recently separated Siamese twins. The undateable/weird thing about this shot-taking woman quoted above is that she is brash, hard to get off, and her sexual demands of men are outlandish. The insinuation being that these are all opposite of desirable in a woman. To me there are 2 parts to this - what it indicates about the cultural understanding of female orgasm, and also what it adds to the cultural conversation.

What it says about our cultural knowledge on female orgasm.
Women take a long ass time to orgasm. They don't actually. Women masturbate to orgasm as quickly, easily and reliably as men do. True story. So, that cultural assumption is wrong and it persists because we measure male time to orgasm while they are getting their penises stimulated, and we measure time for women when they are mostly just getting their vaginas stimulated...and vaginas do not orgasms make. Clitoral stimulation is needed, and if as a culture we realized this, then there would be no jokes about women taking a long time to pop off.
Oh and men's dicks are responsible for orgasm - She could be talking here about dudes licking her  clit for an hour and a half, but I'm guessing most people take it to mean she's talking about how long a dude has to fuck her for. So, the insinuation in that case is that a hard dick ramming into a lady's vagina is necessary for a woman's orgasm....and that's simply untrue and actually completely unrealistic.

What this adds to the cultural conversation
It's hard enough to get a woman off without her being EXTRA demanding. I mean we all know women take longer than men, am I right? But come on, ladies! Don't be a crazy bitch by asking for too much during sex. Jeez - it's already a pain to deal with your ladygasms as is.
Women who get off easily are sexy, desirable women and women who don't are, well, not sexy? annoying? undesirable? Big ol' crazy bitches you'd never want to touch? I mean you always hear women take a long time, but plenty of my ex's/porn actresses/women in movies/girls I heard about from my friend get off like super quick when you fuck 'em, so...ya know, some women can make it happen.  Here's the deal - women do get off easily, just not by getting fucked. In fact, just getting fucked - which is the most normal and acceptable way to have sexual interactions - will likely never get a woman off and if it does, it's probably because she was able to eek out just enough skin to skin contact on her clit during the banging to barely inch her way over the edge...and yeah, that'll probably take a long time. Or, well, she was faking it. It's not a likely situation at all that a woman will just come real quick from a pounding, so if she wants to seem cool and sexy, faking it might be the best way to go. My point is, I think this is the kind of thing that encourages women to react during sex in ways that are expected instead of in ways that are real.

The SSL Vulva Rating
The vulva rating on this won't be great, but I'm going to go easy on it. Yeah, there's definitely some misogyny. It doesn't pass the Bechdel test (*edit: My bad. It does barely make it), and there's female nudity but not male nudity, but what movie doesn't have all those problems - am I right? It does have some progressive aspects, and I have always liked this movie, so I have a soft place for it. Plus, it is chock full of famous people who were not famous at the time which is kinda fun....and there's McDowell's....and the line "Your royal penis is clean, Sire" that me and my cousins said a like hundred times after we saw it.

So, because Coming to America plays for laughs on an old incorrect understanding of female orgasm and because I would argue the insinuation around ladygasms about what is and is not desirable promotes a culture of faking, this movie gets 2 vulvas. I would give it just 1, but you know, i'm going easy on it and all.

(!)(!)

P.S. I was looking for the link to the IMDB for the woman who played the above quoted lady, and I saw her character name was "Big Stank Woman" which to me says the makers of this movie (Eddie Murphy) really assumed that this character and what she was saying was like, THE WORST, and that's pretty much uncalled for, so I demote this movie down to a 1 vulva rating.

(!)