"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #10

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-honestly-don't-think-I've-ever-read-this-magazine fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy the final installment.

10. For most women, it takes a while…Many women take longer to climax than their male partners, and that’s perfectly normal, says Stern. In fact, according to statistics, most women require at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to climax. “If you find that your partner often reaches orgasm before you do, there are ways to help him slow down,” she says. “Mental exercises can sometimes work, and so can firm pressure around the base of the penis. If premature ejaculation is a concern, your partner may want to see a primary care doctor or urologist to find some techniques that might help.”

Yes, I think it's fair to say that in general women do tend to take longer than men to orgasms when they're doin' the nasty together, but I don't think that this should be a fact of life so complacently swallowed. Women's bodies can orgasm as quickly, easily and reliably as men's. But ladies tendency to be slow makes sense given that dudes are probably getting their dicks rubbed nicely with something warm, maybe wet, and tightish for as long as they need to come. On the other hand, women are, well, probably not getting their clits touched at at, at least not on purpose, or if they are, it's just to warm up...or if they do get their clits stimulated awesomely into an orgasm, did they get that last go round? the time before that? What would you say the percentage is?

I bet most women are not batting near as close to 1000 as their male partners, and if that's the case, then it's also no wonder why he would be more readily and quickly in the mood and aroused when a chance for some doin' it came up. It makes sense that a dude's gonna be on a speedier tract. His body and mind are likely primed for an almost surefire orgasm, but for her, it's kind of a toss, so she's gonna take a bit longer to get excited, if ya know what I mean. 

You've heard the saying that men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots in the bedroom, right? Sexperts say it all the time. Well, I'll agree with that sentiment...as long as by that one means that men and women are both microwaves, but the lady microwave is turned on from 4 feet away by pressing at the buttons using a long floppy rod of drinking straws that were connected together end to end - and then that whole situation is called "a crockpot." Oh, and "crockpot" doesn't really mean something that it is merely slower at cooking, but something that often doesn't cook at all, but when it does, it's usually slowly. I mean sometimes this crazy ol' crockpot lady thing works. I mean, almost by accident it'll cook from time to time, like when that crazy long straw thing happens to get enough pressure on the power button (or when the "crockpot" is treated by actually pushing the correct buttons with something that is actually capable of pushing the buttons). 

So...that's my take on that. 

Thanks for sticking with me on my 10 day marathon of rants about all 10 of these "Surprising Facts About Orgasm." It was kinda fun, but honestly I'm feeling like a bit of a Debbie Downer with all my rantiness, so I'm going to try and be a little more upbeat in my next few posts, cause balance is important right? Till we meet again!

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #9

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of is-it-like-jank-Better-Homes-And-Gardens fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 9.

 9. In rare cases, orgasm can happen without genital stimulation. We’ve all heard about women who can orgasm while sitting on a train or while getting a massage, but it's no urban legend. Experts say it’s a real phenomenon. “I had a friend who had an orgasm every time she used the treadmill,” says Stern. “If that happened to all of us, we’d be a much more physically fit society!” But, humor aside, there’s an explanation for why this occurs. “The reason for spontaneous orgasms during certain activities is twofold—increased blood flow to the genitals and vibration of or contact with the clitoris. The increased blood flow and the general relaxation of a massage can lead to orgasm sometimes, too.”

 So, did this author really mean to follow up "Experts say it’s a real phenomenon" with some Planned Parenthood nurse's (that's who Stern is btw) random story about her friend that miraculously gets her rocks off every - she did say every - time she does a little exercise on the ol' treadmill? Cause that's not great journalism.

Also, an orgasm that happens because clothes are rubbing against your clit are not "orgasms that happen without genital stimulation." The cloths are literally giving the genital stimulation. But besides that, let's not get too excited about orgasms that some women say they have randomly in non sexual situation.

People use the word orgasm to mean all kinds of things, from a feeling of general pleasure to an emotional/spiritual excitement to physical arousal, and studies very rarely ever discern between these different uses of the word before declaring that this or that causes an orgasm. We women are living in a confused world when it comes to our orgasms, and frankly you just can't trust us to mean an actual physiological orgasm (the kind recorded and described by Masters and Johnson, the kind males understand to be orgasm, and the kind that women can and do have without much problem if we get enough and the correct clitoral stimulation) when we say we've had an orgasm on a survey. Scientist should understand that and not be so quick to jump on the women-have-all-kinds-of-crazy-orgasms bandwagon. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade here. Truly, do what you want, and enjoy it as much as you want.

But listen, if you want to hear about how women can think themselves to orgasm or exercise themselves to orgasm, or orgasm from vaginal penetration, anal intercourse, nipple stimulation, meditation, kisses on the neck, being whipped, or how women can get a back massage and come, then feel free to go just about anywhere else on the internet. There's so many people out there, including women ourselves, saying these things, that sometimes I feel like a real asshole for poo-pooing it. There are even studies out there showing that these things happen from time to time, but they're mostly surveys of women telling us that these things happened, and they just don't seem to deal with really understanding what these phenomena are in a physical, experimental way.  If you can show me studies that include physical confirmation of orgasm (not ejaculation, not arousal, not any other way that we use to mean orgasm, but an actual physiological orgasm) included with these survey reports of "coregasms" and "think-gasms", and all the other "gasms," then awesome. That's an interesting discussion.

That's not the case though. We as a culture are so willing to grasp onto these wild accounts of female orgasm because it fits so nicely into the completely incorrect story that female orgasms are somehow way more varied and magical than male orgasms are. We do not treat male orgasm in this way, and frankly that's probably why men have so much easier of a time orgasming than women do - because our culture doesn't act as though anything could make men orgasm and then underplay the importance of stimulating their organ of sexual pleasure the way we do for women.

I'm putting myself out as the counter balance - the asshole who poo poos these fringe accounts of female "orgasm" because we don't know if they are even orgasms, and even if they are I'm gonna point out that it's probably just a tiny, tiny minority of fluke orgasms. I'm the bitch who's skeptical of a woman's use of the word orgasm and of her account of strange, yet unaccounted for, ways she gets off. I'm gonna keep reminding people that the clitoris needs to be stimulated in order for women to come, and I'll continue doing it until excessively talking about fringe orgasms doesn't annoy me anymore due to the fact that clit stim is a given, taken for granted, aspect of sex.

So, point is, maybe there are some orgasms out there using no genital stimulation, but it's annoying that these are spoken about so matter of factly, like the whole thing has been observed physically, settled, and is something that might happen. Yes the title of #9 uses the word "rarely," but that's not how the body of #9 feels. It feels like if Stern's friend casually orgasms every time she's on a treadmill, you or your friend might too. It feels like you really might get an orgasm next time you go for a massage. I mean she says sometimes."Sometimes" means something very different than saying something like "rarely." Sometimes means sometimes, and I think speaking so flippantly about how female's could orgasm in a world where some women don't even know where their clitoris is, is irresponsible on the part of our sexperts - and I'm not just blaming her. Most of them do it. It's the norm.

P.S. There is actually a recognized condition that involves spontaneous arousal and orgasm, and it's not awesome. It's a painful and sometimes debilitating, so just make sure you don't wish for that.

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #8

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of probably-has-a-basket-of-fruit-on-the-cover fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 8.

8. There is an orgasm “gap.” While it’s true that a small number of men have trouble with orgasm, sex experts report that it’s rare. Instead, a significant percentage of women report not having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, even when their male partner thought they had. “We still have an orgasm gap,” notes Dr. Herbenick. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” The cure? It’s complicated, says Dr. Herbenick, but women who are comfortable with and understand their body’s pleasure points can often learn to orgasm regularly.

Yes, it is complicated. Well, wait, no - it's not that complicated...but kinda. I've said it before - an excessive amount of times really - and I'm about to say it again. Women need clitoral stimulation in order to come. Intercourse is a terrible way to get that, yet a great way to give men the penile stimulation they need to come. Yeah, not every couple is just banging the p in the v for every sex act, but some are, and I would bet that those who are doing other more clit stimmy things are still doing a pretty good amount of straight up p in v even if they do mix it up sometimes. The point is that because things are just the way things are, a lot of intercourse is happening and not a lot of clitoral stimulation is. It really doesn't take a rocket scientists to see why there is an orgasm gap. 

Herbenick is right though, the cure is a little complicated. You'd think it would just come down to men and women realizing that clit stim is needed; dudes being cool and open to change; ladies learning for ourselves what specific physical things we need to get there; and then bringing that all into the bedroom (or backseat of a car, or office bathroom, whatever you're into at the moment). Problem is, those things don't just fall into place. People are stubborn, scared, unsure. People are people, wild and unpredictable as we are. Plus all of us alive right now had a lifetime heaping helping of bad ladygasm learning, and some things we just can't unlearn so easy. 

Anyway, it is actually complicated, but it's also very much not. We have a place to start. We know why the problem exists, so maybe we can start uncomplicating it a bit - if not for us, maybe for the next generation. 

...#9 tomorrow...

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #7

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of covers-that-are-a-mix-of-The-Enquirer-and-Martha-Stewart fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 7.

7. A woman’s sexual self-esteem can affect the quality of her orgasms.Research shows that how a woman feels about her genitals is linked to the quality of her orgasms. “As a women’s health clinician, I can vouch for the fact that every vagina looks different and there is no ‘perfect’ way for a vagina to look,” says Stern. “As long as your vagina is pain-free and you don’t have any abnormal discharge, sores or other medical problems, you can consider yourself healthy and normal.” Increase your orgasm potential by increasing your confidence, she says. “It’s important to treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you—send yourself healthy, positive messages about yourself and your body.” Another trick: Pull out a hand mirror and take a look! Getting to know yourself down there is the first step in feeling confident about your parts.

This one's fine. Well, she is using the word vagina when she means vulva, but maybe the word vulva just seems pretentious, so I won't push it. We know what she means. Honestly, I don't have any reason to rant about this little piece of advice like I did with numbers 1 through 4. I mean liking yourself is gonna make most things in your life better, right? And, it does take some confidence to communicate with your sexual partner and let that person in on what you need to orgasm - especially since we ladies can't just go along with the normal, expected routine of sex (you know, the ol' kissy-face, maybe licky for just a little bit, and then hands free p in v routine) if we want to actually get off. 

It really does take some big, hangin' lips to make it happen for yourself. Dude's o-needs are usually met with the normal stuff, so ain't no big deal for them, but if you are a lady getting your rocks off for real on the regular in the presence of other(s), then you probably got there with a good deal of work and hard knocks learning on the job, and I commend you.  

This is not an easy world for the female orgasm and any work you have done to make your personal world a more hospital place for it is a down right revolutionary act worth being confident about. Keep up the good fight, my sisters (and brothers) in arms!

(Photo of "Vulva Mirror" Screenprint on paper + mirror foil by Tanja Pippi)

Also, I'd just like to mention Betty Dodson (now over 80 and awesome as ever) is kinda the person who made the whole looking at your junk in a hand mirror a thing. She loves every unique shape of cunt (this is the word she would use) out there and made loads of women sitting naked in circles feel proud of theirs, so props to her too. 

BTW  - I happen to find this pic for the blog by searching "vulva+hand+mirror." Tanja Pippi, the artist who made it, works in a variety of mediums and touches subjects of gender and sexuality among other things...and gave me permission to use this badass pic. Check the artist's site HERE. It's pretty sweet.

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #6

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-think-that's-like-an-old-50's-house-wife-magazine-or-something fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 6.

6. Women who mix things up in the bedroom have more frequent orgasm.If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, says Dr. Herbenick. “It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act,” she says. “For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone. This may be because more sex acts mean that people spend more time having sex.” 

I'm not opposed to mixing things up in the bedroom. Please do. Variety is the spice of life, but I think this "fact" is misleading - not terribly misleading, but just kinda misleading. I mean, I figure there's got to be some correlation between variety in the sexy time and communication between partners, and communication has got to help with ladygasms, right? Since the most standard, common, go-to type of sex act, intercourse, doesn't often involve a female orgasm, I imagine some amount of communication would help to get other, possibly more clit stimulate-y options on the table. So, I kinda get the connection that's being made here.

However, I think if you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, some generic advice like "switch things up, sista!" isn't going to be very helpful. Does that mean getting it in the butt for a bit after regular old vag sex would be more orgasmic? How about a boob job added to some doggy style? I would say the mixing it up isn't the helpful thing here. It's the adding of clitoral stimualtion, so really this should just say, "Women who get enough clitoral stimulation during their bang-fest have more frequent orgasms...since. you know, clitoral stimulation is literally what causes orgasms, so if you don't include it, then good luck getting an orgasm, my friend." That's how I would have worded it at least. And I really don't buy Herbenick's thought that "For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone." Yeah vaginal plus oral would be better than just vaginal sex, but would that combo really be better at giving a gal an orgasm than just a good ol clit lickin'? Oh, I think not, I. think. not.

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #5

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-kinda-get-it-confused-with-Redbook fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 5.

5. Orgasm gets better with age.

Sure, there are plenty of things to gripe about when it comes to age, but your sex life may actually improve—specifically the quality and frequency of orgasm, reports Dr. Herbenick. “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” she says. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” Though the survey didn't indicate why orgasms come easier with age, we can assume that as women become more sexually experienced, they have more confidence in the bedroom and therefore enjoy themselves more. Additionally, the trust and intimacy that most women experience in long-term relationships can help improve sexual confidence as well.

Well, you might be used to me griping a lot about these things, but this actually seems fairly legit. I mean, particularly since we women come of age and live in a culture that largely ignores and disrespects our clitoris and thus create a huge uphill battle for orgasm that we must self-consciously (cause all the women we see in movies and read about and books seem to be able to orgasm easily from a good banging) trudge through.So, I basically agree with this. By the time a woman's 40 and had 3 kids, she might just be done with doing shit that isn't that great just to be nice - like have sex without an orgasm. So, she just might be more likely to say, "Fuck it. You go on and keep doin' your bangin' on me. I'm gonna pull out this vibrator and have a little fun while you're at it." Or maybe the words "lick it" just roll of the tongue easier after years of being with someone who has finally convinced her he doesn't mind doing just that.

Now, let's just hope in the future women don't need 20 years of mediocre, often unorgasmic sex before we are lucky enough to break the spell of our terribly misleading and confusing sexual culture. Maybe in the future, the young gals will be getting theirs too.  

Check out #6 tomorrow

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #4

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-kinda-get-it-confused-with-Ladie's-Home-Journal fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 4.

4. Finding your G-spot may improve the likelihood of orgasm. Can you identify your G-spot? The "G" refers to Ernst Gräfenberg, MD, a German gynecologist who is credited with “discovering” it in the 1950s, and sex experts have long touted this area of female genitalia, which is believed to contain a large number of nerve endings, as the key to helping women achieve longer and stronger orgasm. But it’s a controversial topic. Researchers in England refuted its existence recently, even after Italian researchers supposedly found the spot on ultrasound and published their findings in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Still, sex educators like Los Angeles–based Ava Cadell support the existence of the G-spot, and encourage women to find theirs. While the location may be slightly different in all women, it’s most often found inside the vagina and is characterized by a “rougher” texture.

No it won't. Finding your G-spot won't improve your liklihood of orgasm. Sorry, but let's stop licking the G-spot's ass, can we? It exists, I'll give it that. That little bumpy thing in your vag might even cause you to ejaculate if you rub her real hard. It might. It might not though too. It ain't gonna give you an orgasm though. It just doesn't do that. Find me any study that shows g-spot stimulation as a cause for an orgasm, and I'll swallow a goldfish whole (or something else people in this situation do - eat my shoe or something I guess). 

There is physical evidence that g-spot stimulated ejaculations take place. In the 1982 book The G-spot and Other Recent Discoveries about Human Sexuality (this book named the g-spot and brought it to the public), the authors put out lovely clinical evidence that the g-spot in ladies is really just a sort of underdeveloped prostate that's wrapped around our urethra which sits above the our vagina. Rub it aggressively and it can cause ejaculation  - fluid expelled out of the urethra. That's it. That's really the only thing the g-spot is known to do -an ejaculation, and an ejaculation is not an orgasm. Men ejaculate at the same time they orgasm, but these are still two different things, and the orgasm is the one that makes your pelvic muscles rhythmically convulse. The orgasm is the one that gives that feeling we collectively understand as the orgasm. The ejaculation on its own might feel interesting or pleasurable to some, but it is not an orgasm. 

That same book, though, also had some stupid shit in it. It made un-evidenced (except that women said they had them on surveys)  assertions that the g-spot also can give a woman this other, more full-bodied vaginal/uterine orgasm. They don't ever explain what this other orgasm is physically. They never cite any clinical evidence of women having this other orgasm, and frankly the assertions are based more strongly in Freudian ideology than any real evidence. The research since then (it's been over 30 years now) hasn't given us anything more to help their bullshit assertions. Yet that's what we all think of the g-spot as, some magical awesome orgasm giver in the vag. We rarely hear it in connection to ejaculation even though that's all we really can for sure associate with it.

So, in that way, I'd say all women do have a g-spot. I's just the area in the vagina where one can feel the spongy erectile tissue around the lady prostate getting all puffed up during arousal.  I don't see that as controversial. The thing is that, like the word "orgasm," the word "g-spot" means whatever the hell the person saying it wants to mean. It often is used to vaguely mean a undetermined area in the vagina that is sensitive enough to cause an orgasm when stimulated. That g-spot should be controversial, cause it's a bunch of bullshit. 

So, this #4 should really have said "Finding your G-Spot could improve your likelihood of an ejaculation." Now that's true, but even so there's not enough research yet (since all the g-spot studies seem to focus on chasing this dumb idea of a vaginal orgasm instead of on ejaculation) to know if all woman are even capable of ejaculation. Some of our underdeveloped prostates may be a little more developed than others. What I can say pretty confidently is that some women like it rubbed. Some women think rubbing it hurts. Some women ejaculate. Some women have never. Most women have had a penis rubbing it in many different speeds and angles and lengths of time and yet most haven't ejaculated from that. So, like I said, let's please stop licking the g-spot's ass. It doesn't give us orgasms and it might, maybe give you an ejaculation, and if it does, you might like it.

P.S. Men can feel their g-spot/prostate through the front wall of their anus, and if you rub it real hard, they too can ejaculate sans orgasm! 

P.S.S. I'm not going to go into those 2 studies, from England and Italy, that are spoken of above. Neither is very compelling to me since both ask women whether they've had vaginal orgasms and then take their word for it without physically defining a vaginal orgasm or attempting to discern between possible different meaning women may have when they say that. Neither is a definitive study by any means, and just know that a group of scientists looked through 60 years of studies involving a "g-spot" and haven't found conclusive evidence of this magical orgasm giving entity. If you want a bit more info on these and other studies THIS PAGE is a good, quick, basic overview of the major studies that have hit the webosphere in the last few years about the G-Spot. However, please notice that this information about the g-spot doesn't talk about female ejaculation at all. It's strange, but as I mentioned earlier, most things speak about the g-spot not by using the term as the female prostate that protrudes from the vaginal wall (which is based in a realistic understanding of female anatomy and clinical studies). Instead G-Spot is almost always used as the undefinable spot in the vag that can cause vaginal orgasms. So, since that's based in, well, nothing really and doesn't actually exist but is regularly spoken of as if it should exist - it's obviously a pretty controversial thing. 

Check tomorrow for #5

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #3

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-think-I-saw-a-recipe-for meatloaf-in-that-magazine fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 dayshttp://www.tanjapippi.net/. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far.

Okay here's #3. I'm not gonna lie. This right here got to me. Not that it surprised me in the slightest, it's just that the sheer silliness of this kind of advising blows my mind into shards every time, but it's so status quo. This is what experts are telling us, and it's so stupid. Here, just read the full #3 explanation. Oh and Stern that is quoted below is "Lisa Stern, RN, MSN, a nurse practitioner who works with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles and blogs at Gynfizz.com"

3. Thirty percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm.If you’ve ever had trouble climaxing, you’re not alone. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse can help, says Stern, but so can medical treatment. “Female sexual dysfunction (FSD), which encompasses the inability to orgasm, is very common—as high as 43 percent, according to some surveys—and has been a topic of much debate and medical investigation lately,” she says. “For some women, topical testosterone therapies or some oral medications can be helpful, but few medical treatments have solid evidence behind them.” Because FSD may be associated with certain medical conditions, be sure to see your doctor to rule out things like thyroid disease, depression or diabetes.

Wait. Clitoral stimulation can help? You think? To me this is like if a doctor at a refugee camp finds that she has a pretty big majority of people there coming up to her and complaining that they always seem to feel hungry, and then she says, "Well, eating more food could help, but you also might have a thyroid problem or your stomach acid is out of balance, or maybe you just have some type of hang-up about food." I mean, there's serious rationing at this imaginary refugee camp, so yeah food is gonna help. Why are we even discussing thyroid problems at this point. After these imaginary refugees are back to normal life with 3 squares a day, then sure, if problem persists, then maybe we can start discussing all the medical aspects of this problem.

I would argue that normal, everyday sex for women is as deprived of clitoral stimulation as my imaginary refugees are of food. I guess the problem is that we see the orgasm deficit problem women are having, but we don't see that they are living in a world that doesn't usually provide sufficient stimulation to get the orgasms they desire. It's like if somehow that refugee doctor was simply blind to the fact that refugees don't get as much food as they should. 

There is a lot at issue here, but a big problem is that we as a culture think of the clitoris as just one of the many organs of female sexual pleasure. We think of the vagina as equal to or even more important to orgasm as the clitoris, and a normal hetero woman gets as much vag stim as she can handle during sex, so what's the problem? The problem is that the vagina is way, way not important to orgasm compared to the clit. It's just plain not. There is no evidence that rubbing the inside of the vagina causes orgasms. Seriously. I go deeper into that argument HERE. 

What about the G-spot, you say? That's in the vagina. It sure is, and with some heavy duty stimulation (most likely with a finger not a penis), some women would ejaculate (which is physiologically different than an orgasm), but no evidence it ever caused an orgasm. So, yeah, the g-spot is an organ of sexual pleasure as much as the male prostate is. Luckily for the fellas, our culture doesn't try to cram down their throat that stimulating their prostate (which, if it did anything would cause an ejaculation minus the orgasm) is as important as stimulating their penis when it comes to orgasm. I mean, cause that would be silly, right?

So, I kinda get worked up about this. I mean I think a lot of women are needlessly worrying that they are malfunctioned. We as a culture gotta start putting 2 and 2 together. You and I both know that clitoral stimulation is not highly valued. It's called fore-play - like an appetizer to the the real deal. It is rarely depicted along with intercourse in our media. The word clit probably wasn't even mentioned in your sex ed classes. Clits get lumped into a big group of stimulation possibilities when sexperts give advice - as if it is merely as important as your vag, your nipples, your anus, and the back of your neck. Intercourse (and thus vaginal and penile stimulation) is king. A lot of women don't even know where their clitoris is. Imagine how hard it would be for men to orgasm if they didn't know where their penis is. We do live in a clitoral stimulation rationed refugee camp even if most people don't realize it, so all you doctors out there - remember to ask the right questions before you start spouting off about hormone levels.

(Oh, and just to quell the angst I know is coming, I don't feel there's much reason to buy into the idea that the clitoris, with all its long wrappy around the vagina legs, can somehow be stimulated to orgasm during intercourse. 1. There is no study that links some possible inner stimulation of the clit to orgasms. 2. when you hear about the clitoris having more nerve endings than the entire penis, we're talking about the glans of the clit. All those nerve endings we always hear about are in the little part that sits outside or just inside the skin. Those big legs that extend into the body are not so nervy. They do fill up with lots of blood when you're aroused though. And 3, even if the legs were as nervy as the glans, which they are way not, the penis is so indirectly touching them. I would at best describe what might be happening as a gentle jostling hampered by lots of spongy tissue between the penis and inner clit.  Okay, I'm done. I just thought I'd give my two cents on that line of thought that seems to keep popping up.)

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #2

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-think-my-mother-in-law-subscribes-to-that-magazine fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far.

2. Condom use doesn’t affect orgasm quality. In case you’re wondering if a condom has anything to do with the quality of your orgasm, don’t. “Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don't make for good sex,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. “In fact, condoms may help a couple spend more time having sex, as a man doesn't have to ‘pull out’ quickly if he's worried about ejaculating too soon,” she says. If your guy is resistant to wearing a condom because of lack of sensation, consider manual stimulation first, before intercourse, so he can have an equally enjoyable experience.

So when it says "so he can have an equally enjoyable experience" does that mean that he too, will likely not orgasm? Because, honestly that's probably what's going to happen for the woman in this situation (only about 20 to 30% say they orgasm during the ol' in and out with any regularity). 

You see, intercourse, which is what I'm assuming the condom is being used for, is highly orgasmic for men (since his penis/organ of sexual pleasure is being heavily stimulated) and usually not orgasmic for women (since their clitoris/organ of sexual pleasure is probably only stimulated by happenstance if at all). A thing, whether it be a penis or a latex covered penis, stimulating the inside of the vagina does not an orgasm make. 

So, maybe Dr. Debby Herbenick meant to say that it doesn't matter if he wears a condom because either way, she's not gonna come. And, ya know, even if she does orgasm during intercourse because she's also manually or vibrationally rubbing her clit or if she's grinding her clit against his pelvis to get hers - even then, it still wouldn't matter for her orgasm if he's wearing a condom or not!

Now, can I just get into the real nitty gritty of this sensation/condom issue? I really feel I need to point out that there is actually a significant sensation difference between when the latex barrier is moving with versus moving independently of the organ of sexual pleasure. For instance a condom is moving with the penis in relation to the vagina (or mouth if we're talking oral). However, a person wearing a latex glove giving a hand job would demonstrate latex moving independently of the organ of sexual pleasure, and that's probably not too much different than a skin on skin handie.

I point this out because if we are realistically going to talk about the ability of a female to orgasm while properly protecting herself from STD's, then we really need to be talking about latex and clit (not vag) stimulation.  For instance, holding a dental damn in place against the vulva while the mouth moves over it would actually feel different from unprotected oral sex (and thus affect ability to orgasm) in much the same way as a man having intercourse /oral sex with a condom. However, a gloved hand stimulating the clit or penis might not be much different than an un-gloved hand doing it - because the latex is moving independent of the sexual pleasure organ. 


So, I just see this as something we should think about, not only because we need to be realistic and correct when we talk about what kind of stimulation that can elicit orgasm in men and women, but also because if we actually want people to use protection, we need to be realistic about how it affects pleasure and orgasm. And this all reminds me of a new condom that may hit the market soon that sprang from a challenge to make a better condom. This condom moves independent of the penis. I imagine it would feel more like not wearing one, so maybe more men would, and I like that. As for how it affects the woman in this intercourse situation...don't worry - women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without this condom too. ;)

Seriously though, we should be creatively thinking about stimulative difference when it comes (pun intended) to protection during cunnilingus too. Since we're still working mostly with dental damns and condoms, though, can I just advise my pick for super safe and surefire orgasms with another person...Mutual masturbation, baby!

Thoughts on #3 tomorrow. Check out the whole article HERE.

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #1

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Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of a-magazine-I may-have-flipped-through-while-waiting-to-pay-for-my-groceries fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." 

As you may know, I'm lean towards the practical, particularly when speaking about orgasm, so some of the stuff on this list was way too squishy for me, but ya know that's the way of magazine lists, I guess. They gotta try to make their list seem interesting, and keep you on the page to sell advertising or whatever they do for money. That's cool. I respect the hustle, but this was a mixed bag for me. There were some parts of the list that made me rage inside my head a tad, and there were also some things that seemed just a touch progressive.

So for a fun little series, I'm going to share my thoughts on each of these 10 items - 1 for each of the next 10 days. I don't usually blog every day, but this seemed fun and do-able, so here you go, the first of ten...

"1. Orgasms can relieve pain."

Okay, yes, they are right, orgasm releases the hormone oxytocin, which, among lots of other things is associated with reduction of stress and reduction of pain, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. 

a. It's a hormone, and hormones are not so black and white about how they affect us. It would be better to describe them as usually having tendencies in most people. 

b. If you're having a migraine, I doubt an orgasm is going to fix it. If you are feeling a touch ick while getting over a cold...maybe. But then again, you might just feel better because you put your mind on something else for a few moments. 

c. Hugging, looking people in the eye while talking, petting your animal, and doing something moderately stressful with other people (like tandem skydiving) are also ways that are said to release oxytocin, so if any of those are good at relieving the kind of pain you want to relieve, then orgasms are a good bet too. Oh yeah -  and you know the other thing that releases all kinds of oxytocin - the process of childbirth. Oxytocin has real practical physical purposes there, and if it also reduces pain, let's just say it doesn't take care of it all. 

Seriously, I have nothing against speaking the positives of orgasming. Having plenty is probably generally better for you than not having them, I'd guess. I'm just saying, let's not get this whole orgasm reduces pain thing out of perspective. 

Check out the full article HERE and check back tomorrow for more.