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9.20.2015

The Modern Sexual Revolution's Coming

Let’s start the next big sexual revolution, shall we? Actually, it’s started. It’s a little fragmented still and young, but it’s there. Let’s be honest, sex, sexuality, and feminism are complicated – especially when all rolled together, so there are many intersecting prongs to this revolution that must unite.

Let me first tell you which prong I’m coming from. I’m part of a movie-making team that created a documentary about how very deeply the female orgasm is misunderstood. It’s called Science, Sex and the Ladies, and it came out less than a year ago. However, I’ve been researching for this movie since 2002, and I have been keeping a blog on the subject since 2009.

Science, Sex and The Ladies from AnC Movies on Vimeo.

Orgasm Equality

Here’s the deal. An orgasm caused by stimulation on the inside of the vagina has never been observed or recorded in scientific literature – not one caused by stimulating a g-spot, c-spot, the cervix, the vaginal wall itself, or by stimulating the inner clitoral legs through the vaginal wall (a currently popular way to talk about “vaginal orgasm”).

It’s not as if there just isn’t much research out there, either. There’s a pretty good amount of research focused on “vaginal orgasms,” but in all the 50 years that modern physical research into orgasms has been happening, no researcher has recorded one. There are, however, plenty of recorded and observed male orgasms through penile stimulation and female orgasms through outer clitoral glans area stimulation.

Let me lay this out. Everyone – male, female, intersex, gay, straight, asexual, trans, cis, you name it – we all are born with an area on our genitals that is something like a penis or a clitoral glans. That thing can be stimulated to orgasm. Period. We can all orgasm, and statistically women do masturbate to orgasm, as quickly easily and reliably as men can. Women’s bodies are not less capable of orgasm, yet as a whole, we orgasm so very much less than our male partners, and our sexuality and sex drive is regularly labeled as less than. It’s not men’s fault. It’s not women’s fault. It’s bigger than that. It is bullshit, though, and it needs to change. I call this prong of the revolution, The Orgasm Equality Movement.

Cliteracy

“FREEDOM IN SOCIETY CAN BE MEASURED BY THE DISTRIBUTION OF ORGASMS” –Cliteracy Law #31

We’re not the only ones working from this prong, though. Sophia Wallace calls it Cliteracy, and she created 101 Laws of it.

“A MAN WOULD NEVER BE EXPECTED TO GET OFF THROUGH SEX ACTS THAT IGNORED HIS PRIMARY SEXUAL ORGAN” -Cliteracy Law #44

“4 MINUTE: THE AVERAGE TIME IT TAKES WOMEN TO ORGASM THROUGH MASTURBATION” -Cliteracy Law #45

“THE VAGINAL ORGASM IS A MYTH INVENTED BY FREUD IN 1905” - Cliteracy Law #14

I hadn’t seen any other modern person out there speaking so boldly and directly on the cultural disappearance of the clit and its necessity to orgasm. I was immediately a fan. I love her work. It’s great activism, and it’s coming at the same problem we’re working on but from a slightly different angle.

But still, it’s not just us. There were bad-ass women in the 70’s saying this, Shere Hite, Anne Koedt, Betty Dodson and Alix Kates Shulman to name a few. Sadly, their work has been a bit marginalized in pop culture over the years. There are also others out there working this activism – ones I don’t know about and ones who aren’t necessarily focused on this prong, but do incorporate these ideas. I have a big ol’ list of them HERE.

So Many More Prongs

I would argue that this misunderstanding of how the female orgasm works is a fundamental problem that touches almost everything. However, it in no way holds all the answers or addresses all the problems. There are many important prongs in this revolution. Rape culture and other’s feelings of entitlement over female and queer bodies? Over-sexualization of girls? Sex worker rights? Healing after sexual trauma? Too damn much low libido among women? Shitty sex education? Sexual public health? Hurtful ideas about what ‘sexy’ should mean for different populations? Double standards and slut shaming? Female Genital Mutilation? Craptastic depictions of sex, sexuality, and gender in media?

People are in the trenches working on these too. SPARK – a bad-ass intergenerational Movement, Bish – Sex Ed website for teens, DodsonAndRoss – Sex Ed for everyone, Clitoraid – for FGM advocacy, UnSlut Project, Slutwalk, Sex Workers Project, The Feminist Guide to Porn. These are just a tiny sampling. There’s TONS more. If you know more, then by all means, promote, support, and unite with them.

A Modern Sexual Revolution

Let me put out a word of caution though. We need to stop fighting our mother’s and our grandmother’s battles when it comes to sex. The kick-ass well-intentions, smart feminists of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s made as much headway as they could on sexual issues, but they also created some traditions that are frankly a little poisonous. Think porn wars; anti-porn vs. pro-sex. But it’s not just porn stuff. It seems like every time an issue comes up that involves sex and feminism, there are 2 sides that post up against each other with snide-ness and indignation ringing from all over.

Personally, the feminism I see tends to be much more nuanced and level-headed than that, so maybe it just seems this way because…media. Or, maybe the extremists take control of issues, and everyone else just shuts up because it gets too annoying to talk about. I don’t know what the problem is, but it can’t go on if we want anything to really change. Negative “anti vs. pro” rhetoric on sex issues is a feminist tradition that has been handed down to us, but screw that. The issues are different than they were 40 years ago, and we are different. Let’s make our own traditions and define our own issues, and let’s base them on compromise and collaboration.

So, let us build upon and learn from the women who fought before us. Let us shun no-one. Let us disenfranchise no perspective. Let us not shy from thoughtful debate, but let us work together as feminist scholars, sex workers, grandmothers, teens, scientists, spiritualists, religious folk, kink communities, and traditionalist of every color and sexuality - males, females and intersex.

At the core, we do have common hopes, and we don’t have time to quibble about every detail. So let us work to see eye to eye. Let us swallow pride more, engage more, shut up more, listen more, give benefits of the doubt more, seek allies more, align more, collaborate more, bend more, gently critique more, use kind language more, conversate more, disagree without breaking more, and find points of agreement more – because people are ready for change and we have much work to do.

How are you going to contribute to the revolution? #SexRevUnite

6.16.2014

Betty Dodson Endorses Science, Sex and the Ladies!

So...Science, Sex and the Ladies received an endorsement statement from Betty Dodson - which is, ummm, awesome, like really awesome.

Betty Dodson

If you read this blog regularly, you are certainly aware of Betty. I talk about her and her website with Carlin Ross fairly frequently, and I even did an interview with her a few years back. If, for some reason, you are not familiar, then I really feel you should get on this Dodson train. Seriously, of all the possible people out there in the world that could possibly take a look at my movie, and say, "why yes, this information, these assertions do make sense, and yes this topic is important," Betty Dodson is by far my first choice, and here's why. I think this woman knows what the hell she's talking about when it comes to female orgasm, and I would absolutely not say that about all the people out there giving advice on the subject - not by a long shot.

For me, what makes the difference with Betty Dodson is experience, plain and simple. It's not just that she's in her 80's and lived through all the changes/lack of changes that happened during the sexual revolution and all the years since. It's not just that she's run revolutionary, hands-on, face-to-face group classes on masturbation for over 3 decades or that she wrote a ground-breaking book on masturbation. It's not only that she has had formal Sexology training and has been discussing sex, orgasm, and masturbation with other sex experts and sexually experienced people for decades. It's also very much that she has an incredible, diverse sexual history...orgies, casual group sex or mutual masturbation with friends, random hook-ups, long-term monogamous partners, teaching classes where she coaches women as they masturbate to orgasm. She has seen, given, received, and discussed more orgasms and under more circumstances than you can shake a stick at. (Seriously, her sexual memoir is a must read, if you ask me) I mean, she's seen so much and experienced so much, that when she makes a point, we need to listen.

The unique mix of qualities that is Betty Dodson; her immense sexual experience, her curiosity and fearless interest in sharing her knowledge, her happenstance of living during the 60's sexual revolution, her personal connections in the sex activism world, and her book knowledge about sexology, don't come about very often. There are tons of sexologists, sex advisers, and sex researchers out there now. Some are thoughtful, interested people largely doing good for the world. Some are not. I'd bet my house though, that not one of the sexperts out there - the famous ones, the respected ones, the heavily degreed ones, and the ones that are quoted in every internet or magazine sex column - not one has near the diverse, hands-on knowledge base of authentic sexual and orgasmic behavior as Betty Dodson.

So, my point is that I have immense respect for her opinion. I was downright giddy when she actually took the time to watch this crazy movie I sent her and then when she agreed to do a statement about it for our press kit. I will be forever grateful. Here it is.

People rarely acknowledge there's a problem in our culture with how we understand female orgasm. Addressing this lack of knowledge is incredibly important to the well-being of women and their partners. After teaching women about orgasm through the practice of masturbation for over 3 decades, I've seen very little has changed for women when it comes to having orgasms during sex with a partner. This never ending number of women coming to me have no idea how to enjoy orgasms alone or with a partner.

Thanks to the absence of any decent sex education, both girls and boys rely on hardcore porn to learn about sex. But porn is basically entertainment for men that features fast dramatic screaming female orgasms from men with large penises penetrating vaginas or anuses and withdrawing to show "the cum shot." Today, even young men are becoming MORE insecure about penis size and young girls think they should be able to have orgasms from vaginal penetration.

Science, Sex and the Ladies does a remarkable job of connecting the dots between stereotypical female sexual inadequacies and the incorrect assumption that women can orgasm from vaginal penetration. The vast number of women faking orgasms allows men to believe that women are having orgasms from a penis thrusting inside their vaginas. As a result, women experience very few orgasms for the amount of sex they're having while society acts as if this is okay but it's not. To correct this problem, we must begin by re-instating the clitoris as a woman's primary organ of pleasure .

Science, Sex and the Ladies is saying the things about female orgasm that society needs to hear but continues to resist. This cultural misunderstanding about female sexual response causes suffering for both women and men. Women do not have less interest in enjoying sex and pleasure. Vaginal orgasms do not exist in scientific records without additional clitoral stimulation. Therefor it's obvious that a larger number of women are faking orgasm than we've realized. Although sex is all over the media, any talk about the clitoris and authentic female sexual response leads to censorship across the board; any statements about calling bullshit on vaginal orgasms brings about a mix of complacency, indignation or anger. Our culture needs to start dealing with these problems. Once both men and women enjoy orgasms alone and together we can end the war between the sexes.

Science, Sex and the Ladies is a must see for people everywhere. I support this movie 100%.

-Betty Dodson 6/2014

4.08.2014

Betty Dodson's Orgasmic Sisterhood Crusade! #Orgasm Equality, Ya'll!

Hello out there. It's no secret that I love revolutionary, orgasm equality, fuck-the-status-quo people. I love their hope and enthusiasm and bravery. I love that shit, and I'm excited about our future when I see it. I see it in random posts from random bad-ass bloggers, in the artist behind Cliteracy, in various authors from the 70's thru today who speak realistically and thoughtfully on the subject, in my amazing readers, in many friends and acquaintances when we speak on the subject. I've written about a lot of them here, and I feel very optimistic. I think The Orgasm Equality Movement is growing - even if it's not always called by the same name and even if the people who are in it don't realize they are in a movement. I think its time has come.

I thought about this because I just read a fantastic post on the DodsonRoss website by Betty Dodson, a woman who has worked her whole life for Orgasm Equality. She's as fiery and hopeful and awesome as ever, and I thought I'd put up the final paragraphs of her post as a tribute to her leadership.

So for all the teens, twenties, thirties on up through every decade to ninety, for all of those marvelous girls and women who reach out to me wanting to know how to have orgasm in our sexually repressed society, I’ll never give up! Sex is like any other skill; first it must be learned and then practiced. Once we experience orgasm, we can then go about our lives knowing we are not "broken" or "frigid" or sexually deficient in any way. The Orgasmic Sisterhood will have decision making roles in government to bring Americans back to good health and fulfill the promise of a democracy that will also include equal sexual pleasures for all.

Before this happens, we must acknowledge masturbation as the foundation for all of human sexuality. Once masturbation enters the lexicon of human sexuality, orgasms will be taught along with all the other skills in this big beautiful world of ours on planet Earth.

2.20.2014

Is Ejaculation an Orgasm? Betty Dodson Tells Ya Straight

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I think Betty Dodson is kick ass. Well I agree with myself once again. Betty and her cohort Carlin Ross answer the question in their vlog, "Is female ejaculation an orgasm?" Hells no. Ejaculation is ejaculation. Betty lays that shit down straight. I. Love. It. All too often, the word "orgasm" is used to describe all kinds of things that are not actually orgasms.

It's a confusing problematic aspect of sexpert talk in an already confusing sexual culture for us ladies. I'm over it, and I think Betty might be too. If anyone is fighting the good fight for the Orgasm Equality Movement, these ladies are! Check it out.

2.03.2014

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #7

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of covers-that-are-a-mix-of-The-Enquirer-and-Martha-Stewart fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 7.

7. A woman’s sexual self-esteem can affect the quality of her orgasms.Research shows that how a woman feels about her genitals is linked to the quality of her orgasms. “As a women’s health clinician, I can vouch for the fact that every vagina looks different and there is no ‘perfect’ way for a vagina to look,” says Stern. “As long as your vagina is pain-free and you don’t have any abnormal discharge, sores or other medical problems, you can consider yourself healthy and normal.” Increase your orgasm potential by increasing your confidence, she says. “It’s important to treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you—send yourself healthy, positive messages about yourself and your body.” Another trick: Pull out a hand mirror and take a look! Getting to know yourself down there is the first step in feeling confident about your parts.

This one's fine. Well, she is using the word vagina when she means vulva, but maybe the word vulva just seems pretentious, so I won't push it. We know what she means. Honestly, I don't have any reason to rant about this little piece of advice like I did with numbers 1 through 4. I mean liking yourself is gonna make most things in your life better, right? And, it does take some confidence to communicate with your sexual partner and let that person in on what you need to orgasm - especially since we ladies can't just go along with the normal, expected routine of sex (you know, the ol' kissy-face, maybe licky for just a little bit, and then hands free p in v routine) if we want to actually get off.

It really does take some big, hangin' lips to make it happen for yourself. Dude's o-needs are usually met with the normal stuff, so ain't no big deal for them, but if you are a lady getting your rocks off for real on the regular in the presence of other(s), then you probably got there with a good deal of work and hard knocks learning on the job, and I commend you.

This is not an easy world for the female orgasm and any work you have done to make your personal world a more hospital place for it is a down right revolutionary act worth being confident about. Keep up the good fight, my sisters (and brothers) in arms!

(Photo of "Vulva Mirror" Screenprint on paper + mirror foil by Tanja Pippi)

Also, I'd just like to mention Betty Dodson (now over 80 and awesome as ever) is kinda the person who made the whole looking at your junk in a hand mirror a thing. She loves every unique shape of cunt (this is the word she would use) out there and made loads of women sitting naked in circles feel proud of theirs, so props to her too.

BTW - I happen to find this pic for the blog by searching "vulva+hand+mirror." Tanja Pippi, the artist who made it, works in a variety of mediums and touches subjects of gender and sexuality among other things...and gave me permission to use this badass pic. Check the artist's site HERE. It's pretty sweet.

12.20.2013

Betty Dodson Quotes I Love for a Friday

It's Friday. I'm crazy busy at work, and you're probably busy too. So, I figure you need something quick and fun for this Friday before Christmas. So here you go.

Frankly, my dears, Betty Dodson just don't give a damn about what you think. I love it. She's funny, caring, and as I've mentioned before, she's got the right idea about what we need to do to make things better for women's orgasms. On that note, I've come across a couple quotes that I've compiles here for your reading pleasure. I actually think this might be a fun series. I know there are a million more quotes, I just don't have time to find more now, but when I do, you'll be happy I did. For now, enjoy the few below. They all are funny and rang true to me in some way, so let this 83 year old women tell it.

Betty Dodson taken form DodsonRoss website

"When friends ask if I'm going to have another love affair, my recent answer has been, "I'd love to have someone hold my dildo while I masturbate."- Betty Dodson/Carlin Ross Vlog

I mean, right?..cause your hands are working on your clit and all, and if you want to stick a dildo up there while you're doin' it, you kinda got your hands full at that point. So yeah, that would be super sweet and relaxing to just have a human dildo holder. Seriously, I'm with her on this...not so much a "lover" as much as someone to assist your masturbation...I'm actually serious about this, it would be kinda awesome.

"Your Sleeping Beauty was awakened by an electric vibrator not by a kiss from a Prince!" - As part of an answer on DobsonRoss website

She was right on when she said this, but it's not just a quippy part of an answer. It's also probably so true for a lot of women. Falling in love with some dude and getting a kiss is easy in this world for women. However, a first orgasm after a lifetime without...now that will wake a lady up for real.

"I consider the 70s to be the youth of old age. So all you women out there who are afraid of getting older, just keep your orgasms in place, eat a lot of vegetables, take exercise, and you'll be fine." - I just found this on a quote website, and it sounds just like something she would say, so i'm going to believe it is a real quote.

If that ain't good advice, then I don't know good advice. Here's to the older ladies!

5.08.2013

Clit Quotes - #3 for Clitoris Awareness Week

Here's the 3rd of my daily clit-related posts in honor of International Clitoris Awareness Week. This is gonna be a nice light read today. I think you deserve something easy and fun to get you past hump day and on to the end of this most holy of weeks. So, below are quotes involving the clitoris - from movies, famous people, you know that sort of thing. I just searched around the internet and found a few.

Let me tell ya though, clit quotes are a whole lot harder to find than penis or vagina quotes. There are pages of dick and vag quotes on the web. I mean, yeah I see why penises are talked about, but why so much vag and so little clit. The clit brings us orgasms, and I've never heard of an clit diseases, have you? Vaginas bring us crying babies, and menstruation, and yeast infections. I mean, personally if I could keep one or the other it would definitely be the clit. You can quote me on that.

Betty's Porn 2. 2007. http://dodsonandross.com/fineart/bettys-porn-2

Let's start with Betty Dodson, since her vulva and dong drawing is featured here. Some more of her erotic art is HERE in a supplement to the interview series I did with her a couple years ago.

The clitoris is the female sex organ, and the fact that we aren't told that when we were small children is devastating. We grow up with no information about the pleasure center of our body.
Betty Dodson (Activist and Artist)

“God gave woman a clitoris--a small little bit of flesh with only one purpose--transcendent sexual pleasure. So how is it that some people believe God and sex shouldn't be in the same sentence?”
Lisa Valdez (Author)

“The only bodily organ which is really regarded as inferior is the atrophied penis, a girl's clitoris.”
Sigmund Freud (He's pretty much an ass on this issue. Remember that whole clit-gasms are inferior / vag-gasms are superior thing he said that ruled most of the 20th century and still kinda does to this day?)

“You have to be careful with the clitoris, because if the piercer doesn't know what he's doing, it can be numbed for good.”
Janet Jackson

"I'm Sylvia, and my clitoris is in crisis"
From the movie A Dirty Shame, which is a John Waters film with Johny Knoxville and Tracey Ullman - what's not to love?

Dwight: [to Toby] You said we could come to you if we had any questions... Where is the clitoris? On the website it said "at the crest of the labia." What does that mean?...What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: [talking head] Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
From the TV show The Office

Zack Brown: Oh, you'll be sorry when I'm giving you the best orgasms of your life.
Miriam Linky: Yeah right. As if you even know what you're doing down there.
Zack Brown: Where's the clitoris again? Is it in your ass?
From the movie Zack and Miri Make a Porno

In civilized societies today ... clitoris envy, or womb envy, takes subtle forms. Man's constant need to disparage woman, to humble her, to deny her equal rights, and to belittle her achievements--all are expressions of his innate envy and fear.
Elizabeth Gould Davis (Author and Feminist)

Sherman: "Now tell us, Barry, why did your wife leave? Spit it out of your mouth. Say it. Say it, boy."
Barry: "I lost her clitoris!"
Party guest: "You lost her clitoris?"
Barry: "She got mad because I couldn't find it, and I said 'It's probably in your purse,' because nine times out of 10 when she loses something, that's where they end up."
Party guest: "Barry do you even know what that is?"
Barry: "I don't know what half the stuff in her purse is."
Sherman: "Don't worry Barry, I found it. It was in her purse. It was in her naughty purse."
Party guest: "Wow. Well thank God somebody found it, right?"
Barry: "I thought I found it, under the couch. Turns out it was just an old piece of chewing gum."
From the movie Dinner for Schmucks

South Richmond was a neighborhood of mouse holes, lace curtains, Sears catalogs, measles epidemics, baloney sandwiches- and men who knew more about the carburetor than they knew about the clitoris.
Tom Robbins Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

4.25.2013

Thoughts on the Betty Dodson Masturbation Class Article

Betty Dodson at the Class

Ol' Betty Dodson's at it again. She ran one of her famous female masturbation classes, and a NY Magazine writer went to report (I recommend reading the article by Rose Surnow HERE). Although Betty's still a busy activist (check her website with Carlin Ross HERE), she doesn't do a ton of these classes anymore, so it's cool to hear some people are still getting a chance to experience it.

I have noticed the article getting a bit of press, and I'm pretty happy about it. I have a lot of respect for Ms. Dodson and the work she has done for Orgasm Equality. I was actually able to interview her for this blog, wrote a series of posts about her, and she even contributed to our Kickstarter fundraiser for the movie to which this blog relates, Science, Sex and the Ladies. So, quickly, here's what I liked or found interesting in the article.

1 The author said, "I was on my way to a female group masturbation workshop where I was going to be “playing the clitar” in front of strangers for approximately five hours." I like the term "playing the clitar," and I like that masturbation was clearly and accurately associated with clitoral stimulation.

2 About how Betty got into this, the article reads;

Originally a fine artist, Betty changed careers in the '70s when she discovered feminism and the sexual revolution. She started going to group sex parties and while watching couples get down she noticed a pattern: All the men were climaxing and all the women were faking it. Not a single woman was having a real orgasm. She was so upset she decided to take matters into her own hands, and when I say “matters” I mean clits.

Again, I love the clit love, but also, I'd like to point out how very real this men-are-orgasming-but-women-aren't problem still is. For one, just look at porn. Faking is what female porn stars do, they even say as much on documentaries. Also, the stats about how often women come during intercourse hasn't really changed since then. Only about 1/3 of women claim to come on a regular basis during intercourse (our most common of sexual interactions) - even though all it would take for us to regularly orgasm too would be for us to work our own clits during the act. We have a lot more work to do in this culture to make women feel entitled and comfortable pursuing their orgasms in realistic ways - i.e. clit stim causes orgasms - not vaginal stimulation.

3 Betty said this, which I think is a pretty realistic and thoughtful thing to say;

“My mantra is vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation,” Betty said. She believes that it’s crucial not to focus solely on clitoral stimulation when you jill off because then when you have partner sex, you’ll be totally lost.

I mean, she's got a good point. Most of the time women spend in sexual situations is going to be dominated by the act of intercourse. Yeah, it'd be nice if non intercourse activities were more of a main course in sexual interactions, but for the moment - reality is reality. Ladies, for us, getting off during partnered sex largely includes rubbin' one out while there's a wang up our vag. Having something in there and not having something in there feels a little different, and it's a good idea to become familiar during masturbation with the sensations that will be present during intercourse. Plus, it's a good idea to have some variety in your masturbation routine - for men and women alike. The way we masturbate sort of teaches us how to orgasm, and the more variety we have in our jerkin' repertoire, the more varied we can be in our sexual interactions with other people.

4 In general, the author was really open and positive and didn't get al wierded out by a big naked masturbation / show and tell circle. It was just kind of a sweet article.

Photo of Betty Dodson by Bek Anderson at http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/11/i-went-to-a-female-masturbation-class.html

10.03.2012

Some Phrases That Brought People To This Blog

Just for fun, I thought I'd list a few of the most "specialist" of the search phrases used to get to this site. Enjoy, oh enjoy.

"backmassagers missued" - You mean used awesomely?Those words probably sent our searcher HERE

"get me some pics of sex acts" - Yes, internets, do my bidding!
Not so sure where this may have taken the rather demanding searcher.

"movie the lady with a tattoo on her hand" - I think this is a jank search for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.
Definitely went to the SSL review of that movie HERE.

"spanish girls in abus" - what are those crazy Spanish gals doin' in a bus?!?
I have no idea why that led to this blog. I really don't.

"betty dotson masturbating" - It's Dodson, and yeah, there's a lot out there about her and masturbating.
Probably went HERE to the ol' Betty Dodson interview.

"dildo centerpiece" - Ahh, a fabulous craft idea! Just for your info, we here at AnC went for a dildo platter (featuring a fake vulva) instead of the dildo centerpiece at the dinner table in our movie.
Bet ya it went HERE! Check out that pic!

"beautiful woman tastefully masturbating" - Why I say! That is lovely. Who cares where that search ended up.

"pooing is sexually pleasing" - The Shorgasm?
I'm gonna say, I think this went to the post about not poo-pooing metrosexual dudes. Otherwise, I'm just not sure.

...and finally...

"Trisha vulva" - That's my name and the word "vulva." I hope they were actually looking for my vulva.

5.17.2012

Hey Teens, Outercourse Is Better Than Intercourse

I haven't posted any Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross videos lately, so I thought I'd check to see what they've been up to, and I was lucky enough to find this. I do enjoy some of their little conversations. Betty is a pretty straight-shootin' 83 year old, and it cracks me up sometimes. In this one, the two are telling us all why teens shouldn't be having intercourse, and why they should begin partner sexual experimentation with "outercourse" instead (sexual experimentation in general should begin by one's self - of course :)). As you would expect, I agree wholeheartedly with their sentiment.

We have a whole section of the movie discussing the mix of; our culture's insistence on defining intercourse as the ultimate and most normal type of sexual interaction, the misinformation (or simply lack of information) passed on about female orgasm, the limited options that young people feel are available to them, and how that all facilitates confusion, unnecessarily burdensome dilemmas of desire, and risky choices. So I'm all for advocating masturbation and handies as safe, viable options for teen.T

he only thing I would take some slight issue with in this video is that some comments and wording make it seem as though lack of sexual knowledge, maturity, and experience are the main reasons why teen girls are highly unlikely to orgasm from intercourse. Truth is, though, it doesn't matter how old a gal is, the penis rubbing the inside of a vagina just doesn't physically make for female orgasm any more than rubbing a guy's balls makes for a male orgasm. I'm positive that Dodson and Ross didn't mean to sound as though maybe women naturally just mature into the ability to orgasm from intercourse (and that conversely, men, and their penises, naturally just mature into having the power to screw women into an orgasm). They simply meant that as women get older, more confident, and gain more sexual self knowledge, women then know how to and feel comfortable giving themselves or teaching their partner to give them the clitoral stimulation during intercourse that is needed to orgasm. Okay, now that I've said my piece, please enjoy the video.

4.28.2012

The Fascinating Searches That Bring People To This Blog

I've become obsessed with my pageview count for this blog recently. I'm trying to up my number - which I actually have done. I went from a consistent 300 to 500 views a month to a consistent 1000 to 1400 views this March. It may not be exponential growth, but I'm pretty happy with the progress. Anyway, part of my obsession involves constantly checking the stats - like the referring URLs and the keywords people use to end up on one of my pages. I particularly love checking the keywords each day. I get some fun ones, and I'd like you to enjoy some of the recent ones too.

Some are obvious and make sense given the content:

"sciencesexandtheladies.blogspot.com" (No explanation needed)

"science sex and the ladies" (None here either)

"selfloving: bodysex group day 2" (This would have to do with my Betty Dodson Series)
"dana edell spark" (I interviewed Dana about SPARK)
"lonnie barbach website" (I interviewed Lonnie here too)
"shere hite" (I talk about Ms. Hite...and I would love to interview her if I could ever get a hold of her)
"vulva lips" (I mean I actually talk about vulva lips a lot on here - I particularly like the phrase "letting your lips flap")

Some are more interesting - although I do see how these searches led to this blog. I always wonder if some of these phrases were typed in truly looking for niche erotica, or for research, or to follow up on a jokey conversation with friends, or maybe these are related to actual personal questions. I may never know...

"movie prop dildo" (okay, this is due to the movie prop dildo that we are pictured holding here)
"dildo with anus" (This also refers to the pictured dildo...because it does in fact come equip with an anus attached...and let me tell you, a good one is not easy to find. Did I tell you how soft that toy was and how lovely the anus felt - oh yeah, I stuck my finger in it. We all did. Plus, I was actually using it for an informative scene that did involve sticking the finger in the anus.)
"doc johnson dildo casting pictures blog" (seems a bit long winded, but again leads to the dildo with anus from previously discussed)
"b&w erect penis photos" (I checked where this search leads, and it seems that the review of Filament magazine comes up - pun intended)
"girl have a orgasm during a tattoo" (This certainly must have led to my SSL review of Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. The reasoning behind this search is intriguing...)
"morphsuit porn" (Oh yeah me and Barnaby dressed up in morph suits for a scene and there are pictures on this blog, but I can assure you that, for the love of dear tiny baby jesus, here was no porn involved.)
"mila kunis man orgasm" (was this searching for Mila Kunis having a "man" type of orgasm or is this searching for some combination of Mila Kunis and also a man's orgasm? Either way, it led to the SSL Review of Friends with Benefits)
"ladies making poo" (My personal favorite - who doesn't love ladies making poo. Of course this search led not to scat porn, but to my blog about discouraging ladies from poo-pooing metrosexually styled men.)

I'm sure in a month or two I'll be back with some more fun phrases. Have a great weekend all!

4.13.2012

Betty Dodson Series #3 - The Interview

Betty Dodson (right) and her website business partner Carlin Ross

I got in touch with Betty Dodson this past December, writing back and forth a few times. She agreed to an interview, which happened about a month ago - and so here we are. That short email interview, plus some of my own small research into her life has spawned a short Betty Dodson Blog Series. Here is the third and final installment - the interview.

Well, I started off with an insanely long winded question for Betty. Why? Well, because the thing I’m asking isn’t really out there in the literature, and I really want opinions about that subject from people who have any kind of knowledge. I got a chance to ask, so I did…in the longest interview question you’ll ever read.

Me: My assumption, from my own experience, from friends' experiences, and from things I've read, is that female ejaculation doesn't feel that great - certainly not compared to an orgasm. To be more specific, I'm talking about ejaculation, caused by g-spot stimulation, that is not happening simultaneously with an orgasm that is caused by additional clitoral/vulva stimulation. You have had, witnessed, and discussed many sexual experiences over the years, so what are your thoughts on my statement above?

*I'm interested for 2 reasons. a. I think there is a cultural idea that ejaculating or "squirting" is a sign of a high level of sexual pleasure and that G-spot stimulation is seen as the source of intense uber-orgasmic pleasure. b. I think women deserve a reasonable sense, from our media and sex advice, about how useful it is to pursue ejaculation or "squirting." I certainly have my hunches about how to speak about this. However, I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking strongly about this…because there is very little research on ejaculations; because it is a hard thing to gauge how a physical reaction "feels" to other people; and because I feel like the terms "ejaculation," "orgasm," and "pleasure" all get used interchangeably even though they are not the same things.

BAD: We all have a right to express our opinions. My sense of all this comes from sophisticated women who know a lot about sex, especially their own likes and dislikes. You are right about good research being sorely missing. Women have been clear about ejaculation being more for their partners than for them. Female orgasms are such a mystery to men (as well as too many women) and when they see something coming out while they strum away inside makes them feel so GOOD! It's proof they made her come. And that's a project for many men to prove their sexual skills and make her cum. That disgusting "15 Ways to Make Your GF Cum" article makes me want to puke. But it's still our number ONE clicked on topic.

In another correspondence, she added this.

BAD: I'm beginning to think that squirting happens to only a handful of us. While it feels good, it is NOT the same as having an orgasm. That much is clear! However, so many men love it because they can believe they made her come (a national obsession with most men) that it's gonna be with us indefinitely. My current stance is yes, squirting is a fact of life for some but not many. It's fluid coming from our prostate-like glands in the urethral sponge and bladder but it's NOT female ejaculate nor is it an orgasm.

Me: Could you comment a bit about how far we have gone and also how far we have not gone since the sexual revolution when it comes to women's sexuality. Particularly, what are the most important areas that we need to work on and where are we, as a culture, getting it right?

BAD: I always want to shed a tear when I'm asked this question. We have gone backwards not forward since the sexual revolution. Imagine! We are still debating the right of women to have abortions and birth control. The GOP crazies have made the 50's look quite charming. No sex information is better than all the garbage they are spewing out these days.

Me: You talk a bit on your site about how grown women who first began exploring masturbation and orgasm as adults have a different road to travel when it comes to reaching orgasm (with or without a partner) than men and other women who have masturbated since they were young. Why do you think this is, and what are some of the differences between the experiences of these two groups?

BAD: Childhood masturbation is when we begin to connect the good feelings in our genital to the pleasure center in our brains. It's no different than any of the other developmental skills we gradually master like speech and learning what we like and dislike.

Me: It seems as though you often get letters from women thinking that how they currently orgasm is not enough or not correct and they want to learn to orgasm in another way with their partner. Why do think women so often feel this way?

BAD: I believe this is the curse of too much porn, and not enough good sex education that includes teaching sexual skills. The vaginal orgasm still reigns supreme I'm sorry to say. However, women are slowly finding their clits and their voices will follow.

I’d like to make it clear that Betty has no problem with depictions of sex – movies, pictures, whatever. It’s the quality she has the problem with. I’ll let her explain that a little more with an answer she gave me later to a now irrelevant and long-winded question I asked her.

BAD: It's (porn’s) here to stay, and my main complaint is it's NOT GOOD SEX ED. It's basically entertainment for men, and these young boys growing up on it think women like to have ejaculate all over their faces. That stuff can taste and smell nasty. When I ask them if they have ever had a load dumped on them they gag and say, "No Way!" You need to read my sexual memoir available in print or an e-book.

I took Betty’s advice here and read her memoir. It’s called My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir, I really loved it, and I recommended it to a friend who is in the process of loving it right now. Betty says it out. She is honest, unabashed, funny, interesting, and very sincere and human (it also did answer my questions about how she traversed and feels about the 2nd wave feminist porn wars – which is why she suggested I read it in the first place). I very much recommend it, but remember what I discussed in the last blog. Betty has probably been into some things that you might not be about, but so the hell what – who reads a book to hear about crap they already understand, anyway? I say check it out (I mean for real - you can download it on her site for $1.99, if that tips the scales at all).

I also asked her a little follow-up question after I read it.

Me: In your memoirs, you talk about having what you called vaginal orgasms in your 20's. This was a time before you began stimulating your own clit during partner sex and while you were still infatuated by the Prince Charming and monogamous love fairy tale. Orgasms with men were, shall we say, not easy to come by. You wrote…

In order for me to have an orgasm from intercourse, there were a lot of requirements: he had to be handsome, intelligent, and have a good sense of humor. It was equally important that he was a good kisser and had a penis that stayed hard for at least thirty minutes or more. It was best if I got on top. In the fifties, any woman who wanted to be on top was called a “ball buster”, so I always asked permission first. Finally this near perfect man had to promise to only have sex with me, so it was no easy task to find someone who could fill all of those requirements.

Looking back, what do you think was actually physically happening to you to give you these rare orgasms?

BAD: Those early vaginal orgasms for me were always the result of indirect clitoral stimulation. That's why getting on top was so important. That way I could control my movements as I pressed my clit into his body. Even then, too often a lover would still try to control my movements from the bottom. It was always a struggle, never easy. Once I combined direct clit stim with vaginal penetration, I never again had a problem.

Thanks for reading my Betty Dodson series! Check out #1 and #2 and the Saturday Dodson Erotic Art Special if you missed them. Enjoy, and I would like to thank Ms. Betty A. Dodson (Ms. BAD if you’re nasty) for not only talking with me, but also for trying to change the world one orgasm at a time!

4.10.2012

Betty Dodson Series #2 - BAD

I wanted to bring all my friends along on the trip of the century. But not everyone wanted to join me on the Hedonist Express, cruising at 100 MPH into the future of sexual love and abundance. Originally, I thought a “hedonist” was a crazy person who was sexually driven and out of control. But now the word had taken on its true meaning. Philosophical hedonism saw pleasure as the ultimate good, and psychological hedonism proposed that pleasure actually motivated human actions. The only thing desirable, in and of itself, was a pleasant state of mind. The only undesirable thing was an unpleasant state of mind. The hedonist position didn’t just mean physical sex only. It also included the pursuit of knowledge as well as creative projects. They were also desirable since these activities also provided intellectual pleasure and satisfaction. Many distinguished philosophers such as Epicures, Locke, Hobbes, Hume, etc. held this view, so I was happy to know I was in good company— especially when old friends passed moral judgments on my new lifestyle.

She tries things. She specifically works through her fears, inhibitions, and guilt...and she tries things. How can you be mad at that.

Is she a Lesbian? First off, I'm not sure why that's so bad, but it is a word that is often used as an attempt to marginalize a woman who is doing something feminist. So, for your information, BAD's been with all kinds of people, but really I should just let her and her current business partner Carlin tell you more about her status as a lesbian.

Now, is Betty Dodson a hippie? Sure. She been into yoga and natural food and commune living and even the ol' wacky weed. She's also been into spiritual goddessy shit that I'm personally not too keen on, but whatever. She's also kinda conservative mainstream in ways too. She's from the heartland, a non-drinker, and she'd fight ya if she had to.

Hippie is another word people use to marginalize. But, I'll tell ya what - we all have a little hippie in us somewhere - EVERYONE - even the square-est dude you know. None of us fit the mold of "supposed to," and I don't see anything wrong with that. Calling people hippies, or hedonists, or feminazis, or conservative nut-jobs or any other over arching label is an easy way to disregard everything about someone just because you feel uncomfortable about something that they say or do. It closes us off to learning from each other. I really want to drive home that point because I feel like that has happened too often to Betty Dodson. The biggest shame is that her truly important, progressive, revolutionary ideas about liberating masturbation and increasing female access to orgasm were discounted in the mainstream feminist community because, well, because she was too outside the norm. Betty was a hedonist, orgy-loving, heterosexual-bisexual-lesbian, that used the word cunt when talking about vulvas. She wasn't what mainstream America thought she was supposed to be, but she wasn't what mainstream feminism thought she should be either. Unfortunately, her hedonist voice never gained the support of powerful feminists or mainstream media during the height of the 2nd wave. If it had, and if more had just considered her absolutely spot-on ideas about masturbation and female orgasm, maybe women could have made the kinds of strides in sexuality that we made in things like workplace rights.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that BAD is probably into or has been into some things that you find ridiculous, or weird, or distasteful, but don't let that sway you from listening anyway. She is saying things about females and sex that need to be said, and she is one of very few people - none of whom are very famous - who's saying these things.

4.07.2012

Saturday Betty Dodson Erotic Art Special!

We're smack dab in the middle of my Betty Dodson series here on this blog. The first installment went up Thursday, and the next will be up Monday, but I'm trying to put up something fun for you all on most Saturdays now too. So, I thought - why not just post up some of Betty Dodson's art? She has a gallery on her site DodsonandRoss.com, so I just picked out some of the ones that I enjoyed. They span from the 60's to the early 2000's.

First...the dudes. I love a male nude.

Male Nude. 1967. http://dodsonandross.com/fineart/male-nude


Reclining Male Nude. 1969. http://dodsonandross.com/fineart/nude-portrait-romy

Brando & Bernando. 1973. http://dodsonandross.com/fineart/brando-bernando-3

This next one is one of her illustrations from her book Sex For One: The Joy of Self Loving. What's better than 1 hot dude? 2 hot dudes of course! Holla if ya feel me ladies!

4.05.2012

Betty Dodson Series #1 - A Little History

http://thomlafferty.net/portraits55.html

If there were such a thing as a Golden Clit Humanitarian Award, Ms. Betty Dodson would have many. Now, you may know Betty well, or you may be wondering who this lady is and what she did that's so great for clits. You may be saying, "Well, Trish, I'm sure she certainly did not make lovely erotic art that featured feminist things like masturbation, cunnilingus, and lots of male nudes." What? Of course she did. She had the first one woman show of erotic art, baby - 1968. (Check her 50 some years of art HERE)

"But what about vulvas, though? Does she even care?" Really? Are you kidding me? Betty draws the hell out of vulvas. She loves 'em. She produced and presented a feminist slide show of vulvas for the 1973 NOW Conference to let ladies know that their junk is not abnormal or malformed. She showed that they all just look really different. (Honestly, crazy fold-y, crumple-y, hangy down bits are all just part of the having a vulva thing- unless you don't happen to have much of that. That happens too.) She pretty much invented the feminist cause of checking your own lady parts in a hand mirror. Please - she's been building up ladies' confidence in their own naughty bits for over 40 years. Death to genital shame, ladies!

"Uh, yeah, but she hasn't done much for masturbation, I don't think." OMG, pretend naysayer! She is like the Gandhi of advocating masturbation. She created Bodysex Workshops in the 70's where she would lead small groups of women in overcoming genital shame and in masturbating to orgasm, and she lovingly ran these groups for over 25 years. (Watch the video below. It's for a Kickstarter fundraising campaign that's now over, but it explains Bodysex Workshops well.)
She penned an article in the August 1974 issue of Ms. Magazine called "Getting to Know Me," that sorta brought the, I would say wildly progressive and revolutionary, act of female masturbation out as a topic for feminists to care about. From the mucho love she received from readers, she was motivated to finish a book on the subject, and self-published, Liberating Masturbation, a frickin' feminist classic later that year. It eventually morphed into the not self published book, Sex For One: The Joy of Selfloving in the mid 80's. To this day, at 83 years old, she's still fighting the good fight to liberate masturbation. (Which unfortunately is still not quite out of the cage - just ask Jocelyn Elders, Pee Wee Herman, ans our current sex education standards).
She teamed up with Carlin Ross in the late 2000's to start up a really fantastic website http://dodsonandross.com/ with the kinds of realistic, female based sexual information that my movie supports. Honestly, if anyone were to ask me where I would recommend them to go on the web for sex advice or information - it would be there. There are other sites out on the web that are pretty good, with nice feminist leanings, but they never go all the way and really boldly support the clit first, masturbation heavy kind of push that is needed if female sexual culture is ever going to move forward.

That's all you get for today. I'll be back Monday with more (and maybe Saturday with something fun).

3.12.2012

CR Groups!!! (or just start being more real with your friends)

I'm reading Betty Dodson's book, My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir, and I suddenly felt the urge to start a sexual Consciousness Raising group. You know...a good old fashioned CR group like what the ladies of the 2nd Wave feminist movement used to do. I could get several ladies together, have some eat and some drink, and share our sexual histories; our frustrations, our triumphs, our confusion.

The ladies in the 70's would use CR groups to learn about the "female experience," and by "female experience" I mean something larger than just a particular female's experience. I'm talking about experiences that exist in varying degrees for all females and exist specifically because of the fact that they are females. By talking about personal experiences and feelings, a group of women could become more conscious of the larger social structure in which they were living. They could begin to see where their personal experiences intersected and became more than just personal experiences. They were discovering where the personal did in fact become political. The female voice had been left out of so much at that time - science, history, literature, health care, politics, that both men and women had only really been able to see much of the world through a male perspective, so it was a kind of radical, grass-roots way to help women learn about how their perspective might enhance and change our understanding of these things; science, health care, history, and politics, etc.

Sexuality was also a part of CR groups, but to be frank, there was a strong rift in the feminist community during the 70's and 80's regarding porn, and women never really came together to put a lasting and useful female perspective into our sexual culture. I would argue the only real forward movement in our sex culture from this time was giving women more freedom to move within the male dominated sexual culture that already existed.

So, back to my point...I'm reading about Betty Dodson's experiences and her CR groups about female sexuality, and I'm realizing that if I created one today (almost 40 years later), we'd be in largely the same place; talking about basically the same problems and being equally as ignorant about the female perspective and other women's sexual realities. It makes me sad that we have gained so little over the past 40 years in this regard, and that's why I felt like a CR group on this subject could be so useful.

On a side note...I wrote this blog a couple days ago, and since then have had a chance to actually have a blunt discussion about sexual experiences with a group of women. Few of the women knew each other before that night, yet it was a really insightful conversation. I think women really hunger for more openness with other women about these types of things. It's clear that we have all, at different times, had to muddle through, taking risks, and making our own rules to get to places where we feel comfortable. We've had to do this without the kinds of clues in our media, culture, and education that help males understand their sexual bodies and how they fit into partner sex. No woman I know has had an easy time with this, and some have had a downright miserable time. I'm all for CR groups but in the meantime, I say let's start opening up more with our friends. Leave out the bravado and competitiveness. Add in more of the inadequacies and questions. Just tell each other about your experiences and how you feel about them - good, bad, and ugly.. Start slow if you need to, but if we all start to be more real with each other about this, then maybe we'll all start feeling less like we're the only ones with these "problems" and more like we want to change the society that led us to believe they were problems in the first place.

3.01.2012

Running the F*ck!!!!!!!!

Hi there. I have been going deep into the Dodson and Ross site whilst thinking of questions to ask a one Ms. Betty Dodson for when I interview her for this blog (watch for it people!). Have I said I love Carlin and Betty? I do.

I have known for a long time about Betty Dodson. I've even seen one of her masturbation class videos. I just didn't realize until more recently how active and spot on she is when it come to the subjects me and my movie hold dear. It was like when I first started researching about female orgasms and female sexuality. I eventually came to a point where I just wanted something I was reading to outright say what I was suspecting (and what these writings were skirting around) about the bullshittiness of this whole vag/g-spot orgasm thing, but nothing did...until I found some feminist books from the early 70's. They said it straight up. It was fresh and true...and also about 40 years old...and no one I knew had really even heard of these fantastic books. It was awesome that it existed and frustrating that so many people were unaware.

I got that same excitement when I saw the stuff that was going on with the Dodson and Ross website. It is fresh, correct, hilariously blunt, and sincere. Yet it is nothing really new. The info is out there. It has been for 40 years, so why the hell is it still so fresh? Why is the stuff they are saying not just basic common knowledge? It is both frustrating that we still, as a society, don't know this stuff and also exciting that they are out there fighting the good fight. I can only hope that my movie helps them in the struggle!

There are lots of great videos of these 2 that you should watch, but I ran across this one, and it was just fun. Plus I love the term "Running the F*ck." I mean it's poignant, badass, and just good advice. I particularly love that it's coming from a woman in her 8th decade of life.