Amy Schumer on the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast: An SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Hello there. A fantastic friend introduced me to Inside Amy Schumer, and I pretty much liked it a whole lot. It's pretty funny shit, and it's got that feminist edge, ya'll. I'm sure you've heard all that before since I'm apparently the last feminist on earth to suck her labes on my blog. However, you probably haven't read an SSL review of her on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast (if you have that would be insanity, so let me know about that). Charlie listens to it every once in a while, and after hearing her, he told me I probably needed to give it a listen and an SSL review. He was on point cause there was some good shit in there that made me want to kiss Amy Schumer's asshole even more.

If you don't know Joe Rogan, you probably don't watch UFC or aren't at an age or temperament where you watched him on News Radio or hosting Fear Factor. I actually didn't realize he is also a working stand-up comic, so that was new to me. He's a dude, through and though, but I find him kind of endearing. His podcasts are almost 3 hours, and sometimes, maybe often, everyone in the studio is high, so they can be pretty fun. Anyway, Amy was on 4 different podcasts, but I've only listened to the first 2. Here's the SSL review so far.

Episode 188
The part I want to bring up about this one involves Amy trying to call bullshit on a pretty common thing people spout off about. It started because Amy was telling a story about a douche bag dude that was working a comedy club that she was headlining, and he was acting all alpha-it-should-be-me-headlining the whole week, and part of that included him being extraordinarily loud while banging this waitress in the room next to her (They were in a comedy condo- which I guess are these crappy places where comedians can stay cheap/free? when they come into town to do a show). So her meaning while telling the story got all confused for a minute and Joe started talking about how dudes are just plain driven by sex, and either he or his producer Brian also said something like, "you just don't know what it's like to have a dick." So people talk like this all the time, like guys are so insanely driven by sex in a way that women couldn't possibly understand. Like there's some, girls-not-allowed, dick-having club where people are in touch with their seed-spreading, neanderthal, getting-off-above-all self. It's bullshit for many reasons (mostly because we base this very common idea off how women relate to intercourse and male focused sexual media and neither have much to do with women getting off at all - even though everyone acts like it does, but I digress. Watch my movie to hear more.)

Anyway, at the very least it's annoying - as a woman who feels driven by these same getting off urges but also knows that the urges don't quite fit into the male shaped box our culture has carved out for them - to hear that. The annoying part about it is not an easy explanation or even an explanation that most women feel equip to articulate, but it is annoying. I feel like Amy had at least a spark of this annoyance cause she was like, "I don't know, I think I'm driven by sex." She said it a couple different ways, and then the subject kind of changed, but I like that she spoke up even a little.

So I know that wasn't strictly SSL review material. It didn't specifically discuss or depict female sexual release or masturbation. However, I think it related so closely to our cultural misunderstanding of orgasm that I'm going to let it slide. Plus, I hate when people insinuate that women are just naturally incapable of understanding the male sex drive. It's bullshit.

I'm
Episode 204 
So this was her second time on the show. This part is directly related to female orgasm, and Amy knocks this out of the park, comedy-wise and in like a feminist existential kind of way, man. It was way deep because it kinda summed up what I think about 95% of ladygasm advice and discussion that exists out there in the world. It was pretty badass.

I've just transcribed the conversation below. Be aware that a lot of the lines are a bit over each other, so maybe read it like that or something. Also, I might have mixed up Brian and Joe's lines because they are hard to tell apart for me in some cases. Oh, and I might have added a couple comments in there.

Joe: Did you know that a lot of women are admitting now - there was a study done on it - that a lot of women are achieving orgasm during strenuous exercise.
Amy: What?
Brian (producer): Yeah, very common.
A: That sounds great. What are they doing?
B: looking at me
J: I'll Google it here....study shows
A: I was so sick in the hospital I haven't like masturbated in like a week.
B: Really?
A: Yeah, I like forgot about it. That's how sick I was.
B: You haven't mutually masturbated with another guy like for real?
A: Yes, of course.

Fucking A, Amy. Admitting to masturbation and mutual masturbation, gets you like extra points on the SSL review vulvameter.

J: That's just stupid. Why not just fuck?
B: Yeah.

Not yeah. Mutual masturbation is THE BEST, and it's a much better way to get off for us ladies than a screwfest, so maybe take note Joe and Brian.

A: Well, I guess cause when you're together a long time you're trying to make things fun.
J: Women have orgasms at the gym study shows.Wow, yeah that's really true.
A: What are these women doing at the gym?...fucking their trainers.
J: Findings add qualitative and quantitative data to a field that has been largely unstudied. A field? Yes!
B: What really makes the vagina go pop pop pop? That's my field. I'm in the orgasm field. A field? Has women's orgasms been a field?
J: It's largely unstudied according to Debby. Oh Debby you silly bitch.
A: Oh Debby, always thinking about her clit, Clit deb.
B: Debby probably loves pussy.
J: Oh deb Debby probably has a fleshlight and she licks it sittin' in the office like woa woa... pussy is so awesome. This is my field. I'm doing research in my field.
A: Debby's in the field you guys. She can't talk.
J: Thank you for your work...Co-director of the Center for Sexual Health at Indiana University. For instance Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues first reported the phenomenon in 1953 saying that 5% of women they interviewed mentioned orgasm linked to physical exercise. Wow, that's fucking awesome for those 5 chicks.
A: What is this Brian?
J: The report of so-called coregasms named because of their seeming link to exercises for core abdominal muscles have circulated in the media for years according to researchers. So, apparently it's working your core. So getting on the knees and tightening up the pussy shit's real.
B: Yeah
J: So what you want to do is get on your knees,
A: Okay
J: and then I want you to rock your ass back to your heels,
A: Okay
J: and pull yourself up with your abs while you're squeezing your pussy.
A: okay, why don't I just rub my clit. What?...Like why all the...why all the work?

Indeed, Amy, indeed. Why the fuck are we always being told about these great ladygasms that you have to get to from exercise or weird positions called things like Nancy's Twilight Reign or some shit like that? Why do we have to do things like slowly slide the puss down the cock then kinda corkscrew our body as we move up then let the dick pop out and slightly glide against the clit then go back down or some stupid complicated dumbass thing like that? Dudes get to just find a way to get their dick encompassed and rubbed. Simple. Can we not just get to a point where ladies can just find a way to get their clits rubbed. It's honestly, truly, for realz, that simple, and the fact that all this stupid complicated advice fills our culture, means we clearly don't know that yet.

5 out of 5 vulvas for you Ms. Schumer.
(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)

How to Tell Him You're Faking Orgasms...Or Things That Are More Complicated Than We Let On

Share

Tweet

I was Googling around about orgasm faking, and found How To Tell Him You've Been Faking It on the Cosmopolitan website.  

So this is an old article from Cosmo. It talks about November 4th being Cosmo's International Don't Fake It Day. I think this post was from 2013, but I'm not sure. Anyway, point is - I am not writing this on Cosmo's International Don't Fake It Day, I'm actually writing it on Cinco de Mayo - so Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Back to not faking it. I can get behind a not faking it day. Part of an Orgasm Equality Movement would be for women to "come out of the closet" about our orgasmic/non-orgasmic experiences - for women to be honest to ourselves, our partners, and in the media. 

I actually think the article is fine. It starts talking about an Indiana University Kinsey Institute study where 89% of the men said their lady had an orgasm last time they had sex, but only 64% of the women said they did. The conclusion was that there is a definite gap between what is actually happening with the ladygasms and what men think is happening. I don't know much about the actual study, but I think it's pretty much established that women do, in fact, say or insinuate they orgasm sometimes when we don't, so I'm cool with that conclusion. 

The sexpert for the article is IU's own Debby Herbenick. She's there to advice how to come clean without hurting his feelings, and she has some good advice. Emphasize your role in it so as not to be so blame-y blamey. Reassure him that it wasn't all bad and that you've enjoyed stuff without orgasms also. Be specific about what you want to get you there, and my favorite piece of advice - talk about using a vibrator during sex (vibe that clit, ya'll!). It's good advice, and even though there is a kernel in me that feels like, "fuck a dude's feelings. He's not the one who's been having sex with no orgasms for months/years/decades." I also know that we often love these dudes, and they love us. They (if they're not assholes) want the best for us,and it probably hurts them to know that something so lovely for them has been such a source of stress for us. It's hard to find out your partner has not been completely honest. More than that though, they have probably just been doing the best they can with the information they've been able to get, just like we ladies have been doing, and it's just terrible information. These dudes aren't to blame, we ladies aren't to blame, but at the same time we're all to blame, and we all have to get our shit together to solve it. So, it's delicate and complicated, and the advice here is fine.

However, I just want to point out how complicated and tricky this whole faking situation is for women. It's not like we just outright one day declare to ourselves that we're going to fake it, and then boldly and brashly do so. It's not usually like that. It just happens - maybe because we didn't know what to do that first time when we expected one and there was clearly no way it was gonna happen. Maybe it was because we just made sounds we thought we should make, and they got misconstrued. Maybe we had no idea what an orgasm was until we masturbated on our own 3 years later. Maybe we kinda thought we were orgasming - like a different kind of intercourse orgasm thing. Who knows, but it's just plain not simple. We can fool ourselves. We may come clean, but we also may have no idea what to tell them to do to make us actually orgasm. We may be really confused because what we need doesn't look like anything we've seen in porn or romance novels. There is more self-doubt, and ignorance, and confusion that we'd like to admit. 

Herbenick approached this when she pointed out from her research 

that women are much more likely than men to indicate that they’re “not sure” if they had an orgasm during their most recent sexual experience. Men almost always know because there’s physical evidence, but women (especially younger women) routinely express confusion and ambiguity."

She goes on to say 

If this sounds like you, Herbenick recommends telling your guy: “I was reading in Cosmo that women don’t always know when they have orgasms, and it got me thinking. What we do feels incredible, but I think that if we try something a little different, I might be able to experience something more intense. I’d love to try that with you.” This way he won’t think that everything he’s been doing is wrong... and he might be intrigued by the potential to bring you even greater pleasure. 

Again, not bad advice, but I think we could look deeper into this issue. Why are women so much more confused about whether they have had an orgasm or not? Is it really just that there's not ejaculate that visibly signifies it? I mean, I'd venture to say that the feeling of an orgasm  may not always be what you'd call mind-blowing, but it's not like it's always super hard to tell that it occurred. Maybe, just maybe, this confusion Hebernick is seeing in her research also comes from the disjuncture between our culture/media/sexed/etc. convincing us (and our partners) throughout our whole lives that intercourse should make us orgasm and our actual experience where we don't have an orgasm when we have intercourse in real life. 

 It is confusing when you think something should happen but it doesn't. It's like that test when people are asked to taste a fruit flavoring and the expected color doesn't match the taste. People get confused and actually convince themselves that they are tasting the wrong flavor. 

Anyway, I'm all about coming clean with faking, but there is a bigger conversation here. This shouldn't be discussed as a simple personal choice/personal problem issue. This is a systemic, complicated problem, and we need to start digging deeper or nothing is going to change. 

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #8

Share

Tweet

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of probably-has-a-basket-of-fruit-on-the-cover fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 8.

8. There is an orgasm “gap.” While it’s true that a small number of men have trouble with orgasm, sex experts report that it’s rare. Instead, a significant percentage of women report not having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, even when their male partner thought they had. “We still have an orgasm gap,” notes Dr. Herbenick. “While 85 percent of men thought their partner had an orgasm during their most recent episode of sex, only 64 percent of women reported having an orgasm.” The cure? It’s complicated, says Dr. Herbenick, but women who are comfortable with and understand their body’s pleasure points can often learn to orgasm regularly.

Yes, it is complicated. Well, wait, no - it's not that complicated...but kinda. I've said it before - an excessive amount of times really - and I'm about to say it again. Women need clitoral stimulation in order to come. Intercourse is a terrible way to get that, yet a great way to give men the penile stimulation they need to come. Yeah, not every couple is just banging the p in the v for every sex act, but some are, and I would bet that those who are doing other more clit stimmy things are still doing a pretty good amount of straight up p in v even if they do mix it up sometimes. The point is that because things are just the way things are, a lot of intercourse is happening and not a lot of clitoral stimulation is. It really doesn't take a rocket scientists to see why there is an orgasm gap. 

Herbenick is right though, the cure is a little complicated. You'd think it would just come down to men and women realizing that clit stim is needed; dudes being cool and open to change; ladies learning for ourselves what specific physical things we need to get there; and then bringing that all into the bedroom (or backseat of a car, or office bathroom, whatever you're into at the moment). Problem is, those things don't just fall into place. People are stubborn, scared, unsure. People are people, wild and unpredictable as we are. Plus all of us alive right now had a lifetime heaping helping of bad ladygasm learning, and some things we just can't unlearn so easy. 

Anyway, it is actually complicated, but it's also very much not. We have a place to start. We know why the problem exists, so maybe we can start uncomplicating it a bit - if not for us, maybe for the next generation. 

...#9 tomorrow...

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #6

Share

Tweet

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-think-that's-like-an-old-50's-house-wife-magazine-or-something fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 6.

6. Women who mix things up in the bedroom have more frequent orgasm.If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, says Dr. Herbenick. “It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act,” she says. “For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone. This may be because more sex acts mean that people spend more time having sex.” 

I'm not opposed to mixing things up in the bedroom. Please do. Variety is the spice of life, but I think this "fact" is misleading - not terribly misleading, but just kinda misleading. I mean, I figure there's got to be some correlation between variety in the sexy time and communication between partners, and communication has got to help with ladygasms, right? Since the most standard, common, go-to type of sex act, intercourse, doesn't often involve a female orgasm, I imagine some amount of communication would help to get other, possibly more clit stimulate-y options on the table. So, I kinda get the connection that's being made here.

However, I think if you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, some generic advice like "switch things up, sista!" isn't going to be very helpful. Does that mean getting it in the butt for a bit after regular old vag sex would be more orgasmic? How about a boob job added to some doggy style? I would say the mixing it up isn't the helpful thing here. It's the adding of clitoral stimualtion, so really this should just say, "Women who get enough clitoral stimulation during their bang-fest have more frequent orgasms...since. you know, clitoral stimulation is literally what causes orgasms, so if you don't include it, then good luck getting an orgasm, my friend." That's how I would have worded it at least. And I really don't buy Herbenick's thought that "For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone." Yeah vaginal plus oral would be better than just vaginal sex, but would that combo really be better at giving a gal an orgasm than just a good ol clit lickin'? Oh, I think not, I. think. not.

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #5

Share

Tweet

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-kinda-get-it-confused-with-Redbook fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far. Now enjoy number 5.

5. Orgasm gets better with age.

Sure, there are plenty of things to gripe about when it comes to age, but your sex life may actually improve—specifically the quality and frequency of orgasm, reports Dr. Herbenick. “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” she says. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” Though the survey didn't indicate why orgasms come easier with age, we can assume that as women become more sexually experienced, they have more confidence in the bedroom and therefore enjoy themselves more. Additionally, the trust and intimacy that most women experience in long-term relationships can help improve sexual confidence as well.

Well, you might be used to me griping a lot about these things, but this actually seems fairly legit. I mean, particularly since we women come of age and live in a culture that largely ignores and disrespects our clitoris and thus create a huge uphill battle for orgasm that we must self-consciously (cause all the women we see in movies and read about and books seem to be able to orgasm easily from a good banging) trudge through.So, I basically agree with this. By the time a woman's 40 and had 3 kids, she might just be done with doing shit that isn't that great just to be nice - like have sex without an orgasm. So, she just might be more likely to say, "Fuck it. You go on and keep doin' your bangin' on me. I'm gonna pull out this vibrator and have a little fun while you're at it." Or maybe the words "lick it" just roll of the tongue easier after years of being with someone who has finally convinced her he doesn't mind doing just that.

Now, let's just hope in the future women don't need 20 years of mediocre, often unorgasmic sex before we are lucky enough to break the spell of our terribly misleading and confusing sexual culture. Maybe in the future, the young gals will be getting theirs too.  

Check out #6 tomorrow

"10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms" Mini Series #2

Share

Tweet

Googling around about female orgasm, I quickly found an online Woman's Day (of I-think-my-mother-in-law-subscribes-to-that-magazine fame) article called "10 Surprising Facts about Orgasm." Thus, the "10 Facts Series" was born so I could share my thoughts on each of these 10 list items - 1 per day for 10 days. Check HERE to see all that have been done so far.

2. Condom use doesn’t affect orgasm quality. In case you’re wondering if a condom has anything to do with the quality of your orgasm, don’t. “Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don't make for good sex,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. “In fact, condoms may help a couple spend more time having sex, as a man doesn't have to ‘pull out’ quickly if he's worried about ejaculating too soon,” she says. If your guy is resistant to wearing a condom because of lack of sensation, consider manual stimulation first, before intercourse, so he can have an equally enjoyable experience.

So when it says "so he can have an equally enjoyable experience" does that mean that he too, will likely not orgasm? Because, honestly that's probably what's going to happen for the woman in this situation (only about 20 to 30% say they orgasm during the ol' in and out with any regularity). 

You see, intercourse, which is what I'm assuming the condom is being used for, is highly orgasmic for men (since his penis/organ of sexual pleasure is being heavily stimulated) and usually not orgasmic for women (since their clitoris/organ of sexual pleasure is probably only stimulated by happenstance if at all). A thing, whether it be a penis or a latex covered penis, stimulating the inside of the vagina does not an orgasm make. 

So, maybe Dr. Debby Herbenick meant to say that it doesn't matter if he wears a condom because either way, she's not gonna come. And, ya know, even if she does orgasm during intercourse because she's also manually or vibrationally rubbing her clit or if she's grinding her clit against his pelvis to get hers - even then, it still wouldn't matter for her orgasm if he's wearing a condom or not!

Now, can I just get into the real nitty gritty of this sensation/condom issue? I really feel I need to point out that there is actually a significant sensation difference between when the latex barrier is moving with versus moving independently of the organ of sexual pleasure. For instance a condom is moving with the penis in relation to the vagina (or mouth if we're talking oral). However, a person wearing a latex glove giving a hand job would demonstrate latex moving independently of the organ of sexual pleasure, and that's probably not too much different than a skin on skin handie.

I point this out because if we are realistically going to talk about the ability of a female to orgasm while properly protecting herself from STD's, then we really need to be talking about latex and clit (not vag) stimulation.  For instance, holding a dental damn in place against the vulva while the mouth moves over it would actually feel different from unprotected oral sex (and thus affect ability to orgasm) in much the same way as a man having intercourse /oral sex with a condom. However, a gloved hand stimulating the clit or penis might not be much different than an un-gloved hand doing it - because the latex is moving independent of the sexual pleasure organ. 


So, I just see this as something we should think about, not only because we need to be realistic and correct when we talk about what kind of stimulation that can elicit orgasm in men and women, but also because if we actually want people to use protection, we need to be realistic about how it affects pleasure and orgasm. And this all reminds me of a new condom that may hit the market soon that sprang from a challenge to make a better condom. This condom moves independent of the penis. I imagine it would feel more like not wearing one, so maybe more men would, and I like that. As for how it affects the woman in this intercourse situation...don't worry - women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without this condom too. ;)

Seriously though, we should be creatively thinking about stimulative difference when it comes (pun intended) to protection during cunnilingus too. Since we're still working mostly with dental damns and condoms, though, can I just advise my pick for super safe and surefire orgasms with another person...Mutual masturbation, baby!

Thoughts on #3 tomorrow. Check out the whole article HERE.