New Trailer for Science, Sex and the Ladies!

Share

Tweet

That's right, we cut a new trailer! Science, Sex and the Ladies is almost a finished movie, and it was time for a newer, fresher one. What's also super awesome about this is that the music is from our score that was recently recorded out in L.A. The only thing left for SSL to be complete is the the final sound sweetening on the last 1/3 last third of the movie.

Ah, this has been a long, long road to get here, and we're so close now. So, please enjoy our trailer. Oh- and please share if it strikes your fancy....and if ya want, you can like our movie troupe on Facebook...or not, I'll still "like" you either way (oh yeah, I stand by that pun - if one could even call that a pun). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfQW9ozrdWo

Random Male Hite Report #5

Share

Tweet

Okay, I've been doing a thing called Random Hite Report. Sometimes it's from The Hite Report on Female Sexuality and sometimes it's from The Hite Report on Male Sexuality. Both simply ask intimate detailed questions of its participants, and we hear their story in their own words. I think that they are both amazingly insightful and important works, but I have a special love for the male version.

Maybe it's because the female version gets most of the attention - granted, it was the first one, the really, head exploding, groundbreaking one, and the one that really made the point that our culture is just plain ignorant about the physical nature of female orgasm. Believe me, I'm so very much behind all that, and thankful for Shere Hite's efforts. I just always like to root for the underdog, and the male version is just that. It seems like it wouldn't be that interesting. I mean, men, sex - we get it, right? Ah, but you are wrong. This book will pull you in. It is so very human and raw. As much insight as the female version had into aspects of female sexuality that our society ignores or misunderstands, the male version has that too. It's just often different aspects than the lady stuff. It also is an incredible snapshot of  men of a certain period in our history. These are men smack dab in the middle of all the cultural changes that accompanied the sexual, civil rights, and women's revolutions, and we are hearing their intimate thoughts about the most intimate parts of their lives. I just think it's beautiful and touching. It's not all pretty, but nothing that's real ever is.

Anyway - in this series, I just flip to a page and the copy it - no more no less- to the blog. Enjoy.

p. 157 The Hite Report on Male Sexuality by Shere Hite
Alfred A. Knoff. NY. 1981


This was in answer to the question, “What was the effect of outside sex on the marriage?” in the “Relationships with Women” section. Now clearly, not everyone had previously answered yes about even having extramarital affairs, but this is part of the breakdown for those who did. These answers from the page I transcribe below page are under the subheading:

The most frequent answer to “What was the effect of extramarital sex on your marriage” from men who had not told their wives, was “no effect”:

     "Married twenty-one years. I can take marriage or leave it. I think of myself as monogamous, but I have one lover, unknown to my wife. It changed my life. Kept me going. Kept me responsible to my family. The best thing that ever happened to me. My lover also has a family. She lovers her husband too, and her children. We have an honest open relationship."
     "Married twenty-six years. Sex is probably the most important part of my life, but there is too little of it with my wife. Therefore, I have sex outside, unknown to her. It keeps me functioning as a member and head of my family - and gives me the ego satisfaction that I need."
     I've had extramarital experiences unknown to my wife. It has made life better for me and easier to stay married. It made me more relaxed as a person, especially in the area of being a father to my children."
     "At first I felt somewhat guilty about extramarital sex, but justified it to myself as being good for me and harmless to my marriage. I think it has been good for my marriage because it allowed me to stop being irritated at my wife for not having as high a sex drive as me. It acted as a tension release."
     "I have had several extramarital relationships. As far as I know, my wife has never known of them - in any event, she has never actually caught me. The effect of my extramarital relationships has been to keep my marriage together. I don't think I could have stood twenty-seven years of an unsatisfactory sex life. If anything, extramarital affairs have improved my marriage, and I have good reason to believe that some of the married women with whom I have had extramarital relationships have also improved their marriages."
     "I have had 'extramarital' experiences unknown to my wife. I'm afraid it helped me as a person in my ego problems and helped me weather the bad times in my marriage. I believe it preserved my marriage, as without these interests and pleasures my marriage would have been over. Instead it continued and survived and improved. I don't need these affairs anymore, but I am glad I had them. They were casual, safe, and always with married women who were horny and who were friends, and some still are.
     "My wife and I had a poor period for many years and we were heading for splitsville when I met a woman who thought I was terrific, a great lover, and a super human being, besides loving to fuck.I became sexually satisfied and it wasn't necessary to force my wife to screw. This helped our relationship."
     "For at least twenty-five of my thirty-five years of married life I have not liked being married. In fact, I never liked the sexual part of my marriage, which has rarely been fulfilling. To the best of my knowledge all my extramarital relationships were so fulfilling that I was a much happier person and could play on my marital roles much better. On occasion, I think my wife suspected something or may have even been jealous, but since our relationship was under strain most of the time anyway, it didn't matter much. I was faithful for the first twenty-five years, and miserable long before starting to 'step out.' As far as I was concerned, the unhappiness could not get worse, nor the deprivation."
     "I have had sex with women other than my wife for many years. My wife knows vaguely about it-she doesn't like it, but as long as i keep it out of our home and don't talk about it (pretend it doesn't exist?), she goes along with it. I also think she knows that sex means more to me than her. The effect...

Searches People Used To Find This Blog

Share

Tweet

Um, it's been a while since I've posted any of the searches that Blogger shows as bringing readers to my blog, so here's what I've collected the last few months...

(I didn't know what picture to put with this post, but I figured the theme here is random, so I went with this random picture of me in an apartment in Kansas City sleeping next to my favorite cat, Frank...that is favorite cat that is not one of my own cats)

Me and sweet, sweet, Frank chillin'

saxy movi multal garl - a bad speller looking for sexy girls doing mutual masturbation or someone having a seizure as they typed?

easy clits - Who isn't looking for some slutty clits....am I right? Am I right?

giant vulvas - when normal sized vulvas just don't cut it

clits liking - Do they want to find others who share their "liking" of "clits" or did they mispell licking and want to do just that to clits-plural not just one little ol' clit?

orgasm equality - Yeah, ya'll! It does my heart good to know at least one person out there wanted to google "orgasm equality"

nudey woman and aman - just 1 man please....or was that a prayer with a mispelled amen?

clit boner - I hope after they googled this it said "Did you mean  'binner'?"

"documentary jerk off in your pussy" and "mind if i jerk off in your pussy with my" - I'd like to say these are just weird fetishes about polite men who like to jerk off in pussies while watching astute documentaries, but it's actually a quote from After Porn Ends, a doc I SSL reviewed and the search is a quote that I spoke about quite a bit - it's actually pretty poignant.

did mila kunis really give oral to timberlake - You won't find out for sure in my blog. I'm no gossip.

disappointed clits - :(

pornset fights - I actually would like to see some of these.

moms clit - Girl wondering if she likely inherited a clit like her mom's? A person simply wanting to fantasize about their mom's clit? A fetish maybe - the person likes the clits of people who are moms?...or is there a clit style that I don't know about that the kids are calling "mom clit"? Maybe it's like mom jeans. I just don't know for sure.

Alright, I have more, but they'll have to wait till next time.

Some Friday Fun - Cause I Hate Cosmo/Glamour/Men's Health Sex Advice

Share

Tweet

I came across this article in Salon.com called 15 "Naughty" Tips to Guarantee Awful Sex by Anna Pulley. Basically it's just a collection of weird, gross, and often food filled sex advice from the "naughty" files of your favorite women and men's magazines. As you know, I hate much of the intercourse-focused, ladygasm ignorant, clit-lacking sex advice regularly and confidently given by these magazines, so I figure why not post a link to this article and give you a laugh at their expense this Friday afternoon.

Enjoy and have a good weekend!

http://www.salon.com/2013/11/10/15_naughty_tips_to_guarantee_bad_sex_partner/

Guest SSL Review - 12 Years A Slave

Share

Tweet

Mr. Barnaby Aaron sent me a note last week saying that he had just seen the movie 12 Years A Slave and thought there was an SSL Review in it. As you may know, an SSL review is one that focuses specifically on any depictions or discussions of female sexual release or female masturbation. Obviously, not every movie is eligible for this kind of review, but when one arises, I think it's important to assess how physically accurate and realistic these depictions are - given that there are so many inaccurate and ridiculous images of female release out there. Anyway, I love when other people are thinking about these things while watching movies, and I love when someone's up for writing a post for me, so it was my lucky day when he agreed to write something up. 

I keep vacillating between writing a ten thousand word review of this movie or just cutting right to the relevant scenes. Its hard for me to succinctly put into words what 12 Years a Slave is as far a movie goes. Is it entertainment, I don’t think so. It's more of a historical recreation of the terrible institution of slavery that this country was partly founded on. There are many scenes of brutality in this movie, some might say they are gratuitous because they linger on these depictions, making the viewer unable to escape the inhumanity of the action. Reading about families being torn apart, about whippings, about rape, about lynchings, about the total exploitation and degradation of a human being is not as impactful as witnessing it brilliantly portrayed on the movie screen. These scenes of brutality are inescapable because they are an inescapable part of our history.

What I didn’t expect out of this movie was a compelling and interesting depiction of the female orgasm. In one of the first scenes in the movie, the film’s main character Solomon Northup, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor, is laying on the floor of a crowded slave quarters. He is trying to sleep after a long day of work. He turns over to see a woman staring at him intensely. This woman has a look of wild desire in her eyes. They begin to kiss (I could be wrong about this but I think they did do some kissing).  They then stop kissing and the woman takes Solomon's hand and places it down, off screen, apparently on her genitals. They stare at each other as she works his hand around off screen. After maybe 30 seconds she has an orgasm. While it can’t be definitively confirmed, it did seem like she was moving his hand in a circular motion, as if she were stimulating the clitoris. I did not get the impression that he was entering her with his fingers, especially since it didn’t seem like she removed any clothes. The physical action that led up to this orgasm was clearly something that could realistically lead to orgasm. After the orgasm she turns over and starts sobbing.

I was really pleased by this depiction. When she gave him the look, Solomon didn’t jump on top of her and ravish her. Through this whole scene Solomon remains unmoved by her desires, he finds no joy in the action but participates out of a sense of duty to another slave’s necessary human urges. You could say that maybe the hand job was all Solomon could manage, being that he missed his wife and was tired from a long day at work, but I don’t think so. I think the filmmakers are looking at this woman and her desire as an undeniable part of her being. She has no freedom and this orgasm is one of the only joys she can have in life. She does turn over and begin to sob right afterwards and I think this is equally interesting because there are many ways to interpret this. Is she sobbing because Solomon can’t give her any more than that? If intercourse is commonly seen as the highest form of sex then maybe it's supposed to show that all Solomon did was get her hot and bothered and then slam on the brakes. That could have been the intention but it doesn’t seem fitting. 

I think there are many reasons she cries afterward. The slave society was very religious, a fact they effectively established in the movie. This slave (we never learn her name) might have felt incredibly guilty about having an orgasm or even wanting to have an orgasm because of this religious world that she lived in. However the impression I got from this scene is that she is a person who has needs and that this little moment of pleasure might be the only moment in the whole day that she has for herself. She sobs because she desires the touch of a man who cannot love her and only participates because he knows she needs this release. She sobs because the moment is so fleeting and so over once its done. I give the filmmakers much credit for showing this woman’s humanity through her orgasm. It is depicted accurately and as a real thing that is necessary for her life.

There was also a much more difficult scene in this movie that involved rape, and clearly this wasn't an orgasmic or pleasurable sexual experience for the female, so there is no SSL review of it to be made. I will only say that this rough penetration is properly seen as a type of torture as bad as being whipped nearly to death.The absolute horror that this woman had to live through in this movie is unthinkable, and the reality of her experience lingered with me after watching this movie. This movie is difficult to watch, but you should watch it.

Wired, The By-product Theory of Female Orgasm, A Twin Study, and Scientists Being Thick

Share

Tweet

Well, Wired, maybe you should stick to reviewing phone apps and stay out of science articles. I just don't think it's your forte.

Actually, Wired's Female Orgasm Remains an Evolutionary Mystery isn't really any worse than most pop science articles. It's just a bunch of fluff about fluff science that hopes to hook people in with it's edginess, humor, or weirdness, but doesn't actually say anything useful - and more often just misleads. 

Background

I recently reviewed a book (The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Study of Evolution by Elisabeth Lloyd) that methodically and thoughtfully combed through all the evolution of female orgasm theories out there and all the relevant scientific data. Lloyd then threw out the crap and put forth the best possible evolutionary explanation for the female orgasms from the current state of knowledge. She said that it's most likely the female orgasm arose as a by-product of the male orgasm. Unsurprisingly, it's often called the By-product Theory of Female Orgasm. 

You see, orgasm in males is highly associated with ejaculation, which is necessary for procreation, so they have a strong evolutionary push to keep bodies that can orgasm properly. We ladies reap the benefits.  It's kinda like the way men have nipples because female nipples are so very important to the survival of our species. Lloyd, of course describes all this better than me, and her argument is pretty damn solid. It was actually a really straightforward argument, and some of the most interesting stuff in her book was then discussing why evolutionary biologists seemed to ignore really basic scientific knowledge and basic methodology in most theories on the subject and why the by-product theory gets so much resistance. Anyway, point is - the book is good, and it's weird how the female orgasm seems to make scientists forget logic or something.

The Wired Article

This article is all like..".Uh Oh, ya'll! The by-product theory is in trouble cause this one study (Genetic analysis of orgasmic function in twins and siblings does not support the by-product theory of female orgasm)
 came out!" Anyway, here's the Wired description of the study.

...Zietsch and Santtila devised a test. They surveyed 1,803 pairs of opposite-sex twins and 2,287 pairs of same-sex twins, asking them how often and how easily they reached orgasm. If female orgasm is evolutionarily connected to male, opposite-sex twins should have similar orgasmic function. 

But that’s not what they found. Instead, while orgasmic function was genetically shared in same-sex twins — brother tended to share function with brother, or sister with sister — the relationship vanished in opposite-sex twins, though both share the same amount of genetic material. The underlying genetics, and thus the underlying evolutionary pressures, thus appear to differ. 

“This does not support the hypothesis that female orgasm is maintained only as a byproduct of selection on the male orgasm,” wrote Zietsch and Santtila.

I'm sorry, but a study informing me that females would report "how often and how easily they reach orgasm" more similarly to other females than they would to males...well, that just doesn't really surprise me. The experience of, knowledge of, and culture of males orgasm is very different from that of female orgasm, so yeah, that makes some sense.

 The Study
I went ahead and read this entire study, and there were some pretty glaring problems that the Wired article would have done well to speak of. Firstly, the questions asked men are different than the questions asked women: Here is an excerpt from the Methods section.

Female orgasmic function was assessed by two items: ‘Over the past 4 weeks, when you had sexual stimulation or intercourse, how often did you reach orgasm?’ ... and ‘Over the past 4 weeks, when you had sexual stimulation or intercourse, how difficult was it for you to reach orgasm?’
Male orgasmic function was assessed by two items: ‘How fast have you typically ejaculated after the intercourse (vaginal or anal) has commenced?’ ... and ‘How often have you in your own opinion ejaculated too soon or too late?’ 

I mean...researchers, really?...at least ask your male and female sets of twins the same question so you can be comparing the same thing when you make your conclusions. Oh, and maybe not have one of your questions to the males be a blatant opinion question. Don't you think that maybe a lot more than the genetic influence on ease of and ability to orgasm is addressed in that question? Don't you think maybe that their learned feelings of what is acceptable or not in the society and in their particular sexual relationships might just have a strong influence on that answer? It's a ridiculous question for a study aimed at the heritable qualities of a person's orgasm. It just is. (To be fair, the researchers address the 2 different questions issue briefly in the discussion section, but sluff it off easily, simply saying something to the effect that their conclusions could be affected by this - yeah, they might be).

And the questions for women...the fact that this study about female orgasm is even based on asking women questions about their orgasms and not on actual physical investigation, to me, speaks to the absolute ignorance in our culture about orgasm inequality (I kinda made that phrase up just now). Our culture is ladygasm and clitoris ignorant.  Female bodies are not equipped to orgasm easily during intercourse the way men's are, yet intercourse is still our most important sexual act, and women are still largely expected to enjoy it in much the same way men are. What I'm saying here is that because of this and other deep cultural misunderstanding about female orgasm, women have a strange complicated relationship with their ability to come. We lie about it. We lie to ourselves about it. We don't get it as much as we want or as much as we feel we should have it. We give up on it. We comfort ourselves by believing that we just naturally have less biological ability to get them. It's a wild west of possibilities about how each woman deals with the disconnect between what their bodies know and what our society expects from it. At this point in history, OUR ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR ORGASMS ARE GOING TO BE BIASED, UNINFORMED, CONFUSED, AND SOMETIMES STRAIGHT UP LIES - EXPECT NOTHING LESS, RESEARCHERS. 

Okay, so assuming that the answers to these questions were, by some miracle, answered as accurately and objectively as one could expect. That brings me to another huge issue. Should these researchers so easily be making the jump between how quickly one orgasms or how often one feels able to orgasm and the heritable, genetic ability of a person to orgasm? Clearly, the capability for orgasm is a physical, heritable property, but whether one feels able to do it or how fast one does it has oh-so-much to do with very non-heritable variables. Masters and Johnson's book Human Sexual Inadequacy pretty clearly makes a case that the human orgasm is physically available for all healthy bodies to enjoy, but that any number of environmental experiences can suppress it (or make it happen too quickly for one's liking). Everything from the type of partner one has to basic sexual knowledge to experience to feelings about sex to type of sexual activities one normally engages in all have incredibly strong influence over the answers to the questions these researchers were asking. The approach to this study just seems to me to be super naive and ineffective for its goals.


My Conclusions
So, my points here are as follows:
1) This study that Wired thought was important enough to bring to the masses is misleading, problematic, and frankly doesn't have anything actually interesting to say....and 
2)  it certainly doesn't take any chunks out of the by-product theory of evolution.
3) Come on, Wired, there's amazing, important, cool science going on all over the world, and this is all you could come up with? It's sad.
4) Our culture is so back asswards about our understanding of females and orgasm (how it works, how it is experienced, and the cultural context of it) that science investigating the two together are usually ridiculous, useless, and way off base. This study was no exception.

Sexy SSL Stories...AKA Orgasmic Possibilities for Non-Coital M-F Interactions

Share

Tweet

I don't usually worry much about offending readers with overly sexual posts, because I mean, it's pretty much a blog about candid discussion of orgasms and female genitals, so my readers probably aren't easily offended. For some reason, though, I got all worried when I had this idea to write some descriptions about non-coitus, male-female-partnered ladygasms. I was all like, "I don't know Trisha, are you here to write erotica or are you here to create thoughtful discussions about the intersection of culture, physical sexual response, and feminism," as if I'm all classy or something. Well, then I realized this blog is really about orgasm equality activism, and there ain't a damn thing gonna change unless 1. real (key word here is real) female orgasms are culturally viewed as hot, and 2. we aren't all so obsessed with and focused on vaginal intercourse as the end all be all of sex. So here's my little contribution to making a change.

Below you will find some ways a lady might get into some hot, wet, nasty, orgasms while enjoying sexy time with a gentleman, but not engaging in vaginal-penile intercourse. Enjoy. Or stop reading. Whatever feels right to you. Also, stimulating genitals until orgasms is pretty unisex, so feel free to use these scenarios, altered accordingly, to meet any same-sex or multi-partner interests you may have.

Grindin' on a dude - This is a pretty self explanatory name. You can choose to grind against whatever part of him you'd like (that he agrees to of course). I'm just throwing out a suggestion. So, maybe you just want him face down on the bed with his tight, round ass cheeks tensed and ready for your slippery lower lips. You could start with gentle little circles pressed into his taut but kinda soft butt - real slow while you grab  his broad shoulders and roughly run your hands up and down that deep ridge in the middle of his back. Maybe, though, while you're whispering in his ear about your dirty long-held LL Cool J fantasies, you get crazy hot and need a little more pressure against your clit, so you slide up and grind hard and steady on the area right near his tailbone with both hands on his shoulders pressing your pelvis hard into him until you come, grinding on until you've exhausted your lady junk and want to watch Parks and Rec or something.

Feel free to imagine LL Cool J while Grindin' on a Dude

Skinny Dipping - Not the naked in a pool one. This is just what I've decided to name a move I'm making up right now. It's like 50% Mutual Masturbation, an SSL favorite, but with other stuff. I'd say it should be a real spread eagle event - naked as hell and sitting up in a bed - against a pillow or something - with legs wide open. That's the lady. The dude is naked as hell too, kneeling in between  her legs facing her and sucking on her neck and shoulders- like real wild style - like when you were in high school and woke up the next morning with an insane amount of hickeys all over you.

He's got one hand full of lube, and he's slow stroking. She's got her own lube, and she's oh so gently grazing her fingers over just the edges of her lower lips - just enough to get the blood flowin'. So, they're just hot and heavy up top and achingly slow down low, getting everything all warm and wet and puffed up. Then they take turns, just for like a couple minutes each. He'll drop down, get both hands under her ass, raise her up to his mouth and start sucking softly on her lips. Then he pops up, stands straddled over her hips and kinda feeds her his dick, so she can give him a real slow, sucky BJ (Assume the lubes edible or something)

Then, they just go on and make their way through all that again and again, each time adding a little more pressure and speed until he's face first downtown with her whole swollen vulva encompassed by his mouth, breathing warm breath on it and making her want to just reach down to the back of his head and start grinding it all over her - but she doesn't, and he gets down to business focusing in on the clit, sucking on it and rolling his tongue around it, rhythmic and steady, and then just before she starts to spasm, he gently pushes one finger in her vag and hold it still in there till she's all tuckered out. It's kinda sweet, really.

Club Jerk - I feel like this is a classic kind of fantasy, but I'm going to replace the banging that is normally there with something that is actually orgasmic. So, it's basically this. It's a dark, crowded dance club. The floor is packed full with nasty, grindy beats coming from the DJ, and there's some dancin' happening - the kind of dancing that is meant for dark clubs if ya catch my drift...that drift being that she's got her ass rubbing up hard against his tented crotch, and his hands are finding their way between her legs. There's kissing, and there's fondling of anything that can be fondled kinda subtly, and it's just getting heated, so they make their way to the wall at the edge of the floor. They've already got each other's pants unzipped, and they both face each other leaning sideways against the wall in a sort of V, so that they've closed themselves off as much as possible from the rest of the dance floor. Then they get real close, kissing and grabbing each other with one hand and with the other hand, well they just rub themselves off frantically until they both come.

I see him as splooging into his free hand - to reduce mess - in case you want to know. After that they're gonna have to go hit the restroom and clean up. They were not caught by bouncers and thrown out.

The Ultimate - I'll make this real simple. Here's what's gonna happen. A guy is going to lay you down and just start working his hands and mouth all over your body. You will have a high quality bullet vibrator with fresh new batteries, and you're going to close your eyes (cause let's just focus heavy on the feelings of pleasure and arousal here - okay), and chill. Duder will pop that vibrator into a condom, turn it on, and slip it up into your vag. Then, he's gonna go back to what he was doing. That vibe is gonna just chill in there sending vibes out all over the vulva, and you'll just hang back and enjoy what's happening. It's probably gonna get pretty wet and swollen down there, so when you feel like you want to escalate the situation, you'll just pop that bullet out, and start vibing on the outer lips, then the inner lips as far from the clit as possible (we're going for a slow burn situation here). Dude's still doing his job. Then you turn it up a notch and rub that vibe bullet wherever you need to to throw yourself over the gasm edge. Then, I guess you just drift off to a satisfied slumber or something.

So that's my contribution to sexifying non-coital, M-F, ladygasms. Please feel free to add your own fave non-intercourse sex in comments. The more the merrier.

Does Penis Size Matter? Nahhh.

Share

Tweet

So, my last post was a random Hite Report, and it just happened that the page I turned to was about guys feeling like their dicks were too small (actually, the question asked was about genitals, not penises in particular, and it seemed like a couple of the guys were talking about their balls which seemed strange to me. I really never suspected men worried about them being too small...I mean, is that a thing? Cause maybe it shouldn't be).

Anyway, it got me thinking that I should speak on this whole "does size matter" thing. I'm sure I've made my feelings known on this subject in various places in this blog, but I don't think I've ever written a whole post on it.

Big ol' penises you can find on the Strange Things of Korea website HERE

So in short (no pun intended), the answer is no, size doesn't matter...for bringing women to orgasm that is. As I've pointed out here many times, the penis rubbing in the vagina does not cause orgasm. That means that a fatter one isn't going to create more orgasm pressure in there or any crazy thing like that, and longer ones aren't more able to hit some made-up magically orgasmic spot in the depths of the vag. Those are just shit people say and not based in the physical realities of female genitalia.

Women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, not a penis moving in and out of their vagina. So, contrary to popular belief, men do not need a long, thick or hard cock to bring their woman to orgasm. They don't even need a penis. Top notch oral sex skills and solid manual moves are your best ladygasm-giving moves whether you have a big or a small pole. What I'm saying here is that penises don't cause women to orgasm (unless you're rubbing it in circles on her clit...although honestly, I just don't even think that would work. The pressure wouldn't be right...I mean just use a finger - it's be easier). I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it's going to sound, but I'll say it anyway. Penises don't really matter for women's orgasms so the size of the penis certainly doesn't matter.

That said though, I will acknowledge women may have size and shape preferences and that size may matter a little, but not in the way most people may think.

Possibility 1 
Some women might just like the looks of a big penis. It's a turn on like big boobs or full vulva lips are for some men. Having intercourse with a big dick might also just feel hotter to some women - like they're in a porn or something, and so they like it for that turn-on factor. That's just a matter of taste though and would only really be relevant to a woman's level of pleasure or arousal, not to her capacity for orgasm.

Possibility 2 
The size of a dude's penis may have an effect on particular women's abilities to grind on the dude to orgasm while engaging in intercourse. For instance, she may need her vulva to grind against a particular area on his pelvis while her pelvis is tilted in a certain way in order to get the right clitoral friction against his body so she can get her orgasm. It may be that a longer penis will allow her to get her pelvis where she wants it without the ol' dong falling out. It may also be that the angle of the penis is important to a lady in getting her vulva in the right position to rub against him during intercourse.

Possibility 3 
A certain size of penis may feel more comfortable for some women, and an uncomfortable size could feel as though it inhibits her orgasm. For instance, maybe the easiest way for some ladies to come during intercourse is on their hands and knees going doggy style while using a vibrator on the vulva. Doggie style allows for more of the penis to enter the vagina and can often hit the cervix which can be uncomfortable if not down right painful (am I right, ladies?). Bigger dicks mean more cervix bangin' and that may not sit well with some ladies. In this case, smaller dicks probably work better.

Possibility 4
 Some women may have preferences that relate to causing ejaculation (not orgasms) during intercourse. Although there's not a lot of research on this, it seems that a small number of women do ejaculate sometimes during intercourse, and we know that stimulation of the G-spot (in the front wall of the vagina not too far from the opening), has been known to cause ejaculation in some women. So it makes sense that for some women, the penis moving in the vagina could elicit ejaculation in this way, and it may be that certain penis sizes and shapes, as well as intercourse positions, make it easier or harder to do so. So some women may have preferences based on this, but please note that this is about eliciting ejaculation - which is not the same physiological event as an orgasm. It involves a spritz or spray of ejaculate fluid through the urethra. It is not always described as particularly pleasurable, and from the little that is known of it, it doesn't seem like this kind of ejaculation through intercourse is common at all among women.

So, although some of the small number of women who this is relevant to may enjoy an ejaculation and prefer penises that will help that ejaculation happen, it still holds true that size doesn't really matter to women's orgasms. Besides, the only ejaculations that have been observed in scientific study are ones caused by a finger (not a penis) moving in a "come hither" fashion in the vagina, and that seems to be the most common way sexperts recommend eliciting ejaculation - not through intercourse. So, even for ejaculation, the penis is really not even necessary.

So, preferences for size could vary among women, and size could matter for her ability to orgasm during intercourse or for her ability to ejaculate during intercourse. However, the penis is not necessary for either and isn't even really part of the stimulation to orgasm at all in women. I mean it's not like a penis, big or small, needs to be inside a woman for an orgasm to happen. The penis in vag thing is just something that can, if the couple so chooses, happen alongside whatever other thing is being done to her clit to get her off.

So, my point is don't fret about size. These worries are a holdover from the incorrect idea that men are supposed to use their penises to bang women into orgasms. That simply doesn't work, so stop feeling bad if your penis or your man's penis doesn't size up to porn rods, and stop focusing on intercourse. Whatever the two (or three or four or whatever) of you have available on your bodies can be well utilized, and all parties can enjoy great orgasms no matter what kind of junk ya'll got - that is if everyone takes the time to explore the options.

Also I made a poem.
Cheers to penises tiny and  tall, thick and thin, cherish them all. 
Here's to dicks with bulbous heads and torpedo shapes,
Bald as cue balls and hairy as apes.
Buy a round for poles that point to the ground and lean to the right,
Nads that hang down low and are pulled up tight
Ah, man junk: A tip o' the hat to all ya'll...big and small

Random Male Hite Report #4

Share

Tweet

It's time for another edition of random Hite Report: Male Edition. As you know, this is where I flip to a random page in the 1981 Hite Report on Male Sexuality by Shere Hite and simply copy that one page and that one page only into this blog. There are more of these randoms from both the male and female reports HERE.

The following are answers to the question, "Do you think your genitals are beautiful? Do you think your penis is a good size?" These particular answers fall under a section prefaced by:

Most men, in answering this question, wished over and over again that their penis could be just a little larger

Now for your randome page.

p. 391 The Hite Report on Male Sexuality by Shere Hite
Alfred A. Knoff. NY. 1981

   "Always felt my penis was too small. Ashamed of it."

    "There's always the sneak look to compare sizes. I usually lose. Mine are too small for my liking. But that's part of my general feeling of sexual inadequacy now. When I was 'performing well' they seemed about right."

    "I do not think my penis is beautiful. It sure can shrink to a very short stub. Extended, I believe my penis is medium length but quite thin. Maybe it is long, but it is not what I call powerful. I've seen some powerful penises."

    "I think it is a good size when I'm by myself, but in the presence of other men I feel self conscious as if they all have huge cocks. It is as if I am underdeveloped. Intellectually, I know I am good looking and have average secondary sex characteristics. Emotionally, I feel I am a boy in a world of men."

    "I am small-bone and nonmuscular, therefore I am lucky my dick is as big as it is. When I undress at the gym, it is almost non-existent. Otherwise, 3 inches when flaccid. There's got to be a psychological hang-up about my body and dick."

    "My penis is smaller than average. When nude, if cold it shrivels to an inch or less as it is nearly all erectile tissue. When warm and flaccid it is perhaps as long as 3 inches and 2 1/2 inches in circumference. On erection and full tumescence it is about 5 3/4 inches long and about 4 1/2 inches in circumference. Strictly bad news in the locker-room derby and a source of continuous embarrassment to this day, though now I know that mine works all the time and some of the locker room jocks are impotent!”

    “Sometimes, lately, these past two or three years, I sort of wistfully wish that my penis, at least when erected, were larger or longer in length. To tell the truth, that way I could suck myself off. Isn’t that terrible.”

    “I love the way male genitals look. Although mine are smaller than I’d like.”

    “I feel easily threatened by other men if they are big and muscular or have good body hair (a lot of it, whereas I have poor beard growth and a bald chest). Men with large penises make me feel threatened and inferior. It makes me think that a big cock must work better, and that’s what women really want because even if they don’t say it or admit it, I imagine that a woman with a man is in his company because he has a big cock and can protect her. This is my own paranoia concerning what penises look like.”

    “I think my penis is really beautiful, all of them are. Mine is too small though.”

    “I’m O.K., my balls are not as big as I wish they were.”

    “Well, I suppose everyone wants to be tremendous, so I guess a little larger wouldn’t hurt.”

    “I like the way my genitals look, but like most men (I suppose) I sometimes wish my penis were longer. (It’s average in length, although thicker, I think, than average).”

    “Men check out other men’s penis size and length by glancing in the showers, toilets, clothes, etc. It’s part of being male to check what the other fellow has and see where you stand.”

    “I haven’t thought about my penis being beautiful, but don’t think it’s ugly. It is soft and smooth and in good working order. My grandmother who gave me a bath on occasion when I was a small boy said it looked like a rose, so I guess she thought it was beautiful. Naturally, I think it it too small, but I don’t fret over…

SSL - The 2013 Halloween Costume Special Edition

Share

Tweet

Last year around Halloween, I talked about sexy costumes for us females and how to use them for our own lady pleasure instead of just to please the dudes - who, lucky for them, aren't being bombarded with stupid super sexified costumes even though they should be getting equal treatment in the Halloween aisle if you ask me. Anyway, If you are going the sexy cowgirl/nurse/princess/hotdog/witch/keyboard...etc... route this year, check out last years post and at least use that costume for good (clit lovin') instead of evil this year.

This year I've decided to comment on a costume I found when I typed "female orgasm Halloween costume" into Google. Yes, it might seem like a strange search, but I was just wanting an idea for a Halloween themed post, and I got kinda curious as to whether there was a pre-made costume of a female orgasm out there, and if so, what exactly it looked like. There doesn't seem to be one, but I encourage anyone with a creative mind to make that and wear it this year. Better yet, if you can make an Orgasm Equality costume I'd be even happier. Then send me the picture.

Orgasm Donor Costume - Remember ladies, he's there to give not get.

Okay, so the costume is the Orgasm Donor costume. As you can see it's just a doctor's coat and a long tongue. It's part of a series of ridiculously easy pre-packaged costumes for men in a series called "General Malpractice Hospital" that are slightly raunchy. They include things like Dr. Ben Dover (includes large foam finger), Hospital Life Support Patient (complete with beer in a hat with straws - cause I guess the joke is that beer is what is supporting the patient's life?), Dr. Seymour Clearly (with eye chart and thick glasses - I guess this one isn't so raunchy). Anyway, The Orgasm Donor here clearly gives ladies free orgasms with his big ol' tongue. Let's hope Dr. Feel Good has some learning and realizes that the tongue should keep near the clit and not worry about ramming into the hole (hey, I know that there has been a lot of misconceptions about how this whole oral sex on women thing works - see this Playboy Adviser question from the 90's if you don't believe me).

I do appreciate that the Orgasm Donor costume does focus on tongue work and doesn't include a huge fake penis or something - like he'd be banging me into an orgasm or something. I'd say they got it right on that account - cause vag banging does not an orgasm make, and honestly if I were to imagine my perfect orgasm donor it would in fact be someone who was particularly adept at polishing the nub, if ya get my drift. And that brings my Halloween posts full circle because if you're going to wear one of those sexy, maybe kinda creepy (sexy SpongeBob?), costumes to that Halloween party this weekend, do yourself a favor and find yourself one of those orgasm donors. Get yours and get out. You and your weird sexy little costume deserve it!

Uh, I guess Ketchup is sexy. It has curves I guess.

Again, SpongeBob? 

I don't know - sexy Girl Scout just seems bad for a variety of reasons

Behind "I'll Have What She's Having"

Share

Tweet

I was driving home from work the other night and was listening to an interview with Billy Crystal on Fresh Air when I heard him tell a story about the famous orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally. It was right when I stopped the car to go into subway to pick up some dinner, so I just sat in my car and finished listening - which was cool cause there was a long line anyway, and it had gone down a bit by the time I went in.



So it went something like this. Apparently after the movie got the green light, stars Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal, Director Rob Reiner, and writer Nora Ephron would hang out in an office in Hollywood and throw ideas around. Nora said there should be something in there about women faking orgasms, and Rob was all like, "What?! women fake orgasms? That's crazy! - They don't with me." That last part about women not faking with him made it into the movie, which is what Billy Crystal said to Meg Ryan to make her start her fake orgasm...(I think that's the way it went). Anyway Rob was just totally flabbergasted at this idea, but Meg was like, "yeah, I should fake an orgasm in the movie." Then Billy was like "Yeah, it should be someplace public....like in a diner...and then an old woman next to her should say, "I'll have what she's having," which also clearly made it into the movie.

Oh, other things I learned. The woman saying the line about having what she's having was Rob Reiner's mother. Meg was very nervous about doing the scene day of. Rob kept wanting it bigger, and eventually did one himself for her to mimic that included him beating on the table and stuff. Oh and Meg is wearing Billy's sweater in that scene because she didn't feel comfortable about the outfit she had on.

Nora Ephron - Writer When Harry Met Sally

Anyway, I thought the insight was worth a post. Nora Ephron was a woman, and she wrote this movie, and she thought it was important to point out that women fake orgasms and that men don't seem to know or care when it's happening. There's a lot of baggage there we could discuss about why women feel the need to fake orgasms and why men don't seem to notice, but that's for other times. For now, I just think it's a darn good start that this situation, that is so common among women, was put out into the world in such a big movie and in such a humorous way, and it happened because a woman was at the helm. I feel like more women telling stories means more fresh material, tons of new opportunities for humor and eventually more understanding and empathy about our unique experiences and issues. I mean, if it were another man instead of Nora Ephron working with the male (and fake orgasm oblivious) director Rob Reiner, then this classic humor scene would have never happened. For the sake of comedy and the greater human good  people, let's get more women writing and directing and producing big movies!

P.S. This movie was made back in 1989, and you'd think women would have come a long way in Hollywood, but they actually haven't come that far. We have a long way to go.

• Women accounted for 15% of writers, 17% of executive producers, 20% of editors, 4% of cinematographers, and 25% of producers working on the top 250 domestic grossing films of 2011. - Celluloid Ceiling 2012 Report
• Women accounted for 9% of directors working on the top 250 films in 2012, an increase in 4 percentage points from 2011 but even with the percentage of women directors working in 1998. - Celluloid Ceiling 2012 Report

The Case of the Female Orgasm: An SSL Book Review

Share

Tweet

Are you looking to read a good crime drama with plenty of mystery and appalling deceit? Well then, I suggest you read The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Study of Evolution. Why? Because I find the history of research into the evolution of the female orgasm (which author Elisabeth Lloyd expertly navigates) a crime against science. A crime, I say! I'm being a bit dramatic here, but honestly, this book opens one's eyes to absolutely glaring problems that exist in most of the scientific discussion surrounding the evolution of female orgasm, and the reasons that the problems were and continue to be ignored are really kind of a mystery...a mystery that Lloyd seeks to solve.

I pretty much fell in love with it and the author. I had learned about it at the very end part of my writing for the movie. I was spending much less time reading stuff and taking notes and much more time writing and preparing to shoot a movie. When I heard about it, though, it seemed important to check it out, so I immediately bought a copy and read a bunch of write-ups about it on the ol' interwebs. When it showed up at my door, I read through a few areas and answered some questions about the content I had after reading stuff online. I actually read enough to decide and use it to cite the statement in the movie about female orgasm not improving fertility (cause it is about the most comprehensive assessment of that statement out there). I thought the book seemed right on target for the argument it was making, but I never took the time to fully read through it because the subject, although very much related, was outside scope of the arguments I was making in the movie. That is until a few month ago. I read the hell out of that book, and it's a thing of beauty as a total package.

I will preface by saying that I really like Philosophy of Science, and this book is just that. I fell into a Philosophy of Science class in college because I just didn't want to take a straight up mushy, "I think therefore I am" Philosophy class for my requirement.  It just wasn't my cup of meat, ya know? My decision paid off. It was actually a really time consuming class, but I wanted more, so I took Philosophy of Biology my senior year even though my Chemistry degree didn't require it (and I'm not one to overdo class taking). I'll try not to be all gushy here, but those classes flipped something in my brain, and I have never thought about science the same again. I am skeptical of it and respectful of it in a whole new way. That brain flip, plus an intro to feminism course (and oh yeah my personal interest in porn at the time) got me heavy passionate around that time about looking into what would become this movie.

So, yeah, I got mad love for Philosophy of Science, and one thing that really strikes my fancy about it is the way it very methodically, logically, carefully moves toward keeping science ever in check, and I think science needs to be kept in check. Science is just a word and scientists are just people, but both can change our world drastically.  When "science" or "scientists" lose integrity, I think our world suffers. We so we need that ongoing critique of science and scientists, science techniques, and science institutions that Philosophy of Science provides.

The Case of the Female Orgasm indeed takes up that noble-ass cause.  Lloyd decisively rips apart sad evolutionary arguments that strangely ignore completely the overwhelming evidence that, for females, orgasm and reproductive intercourse are not often joined. She uses basic scientific logic to shred crappy research studies commonly used to back up evolutionary arguments that should no longer hold water. She does it all with a measured, thoughtful tone. It's a very "science-paper" read in that she largely does not use her language for flowery romps but to get her point across exactly as it should be made. I have a special place in my heart for that kind of writing because it means to me that the author is taking pains to be serious and careful. Its focus is a rock steady argument. In the end, her argument about which existing evolution of the female orgasm hypothesis comes out as most plausible is easily convincing - almost too easily, which makes her discussion about why other crap hypotheses have endured and still endure so interesting.

 I've read some push-back about this book (including one within the book The Science of Orgasm that I'd like to write about soon), but frankly I haven't seen anything that has any bite at all. In fact, I feel like people spewing off about this book haven't read it, like they are just completely ignoring her main points. It kinda seems that the strange power the topic of female orgasm has to make evolutionary scientists forget basic rules of science and make evolutionary hypotheses anyway also allows people to ignore the information in a book about the evolution of the female orgasm and critique it anyway.

If you ask me, I'd say this is an important and in some ways revolutionary book for science, for philosophy of science,  for feminism, and for sexuality.

Recording the Score

Share

Tweet

Did I mention yet that watching a room full of musicians recording our score was crazy amazing? We started out the day with a room full of strings, moved on to wood winds, and then to a room of brass, ending with a sweet ass French Horn solo that will slather its beautiful self all over top of the Science, Sex and the Ladies romance novel segment. Thanks you , thank you, thank you Nathaniel Blume, our good and wise composer, for making this all happen.

Oh and when I say "musicians" played this music, what I meant was Me, Charlie and Barney threw down some hot percussion action, and it was perfect and awesome.

Oh - and see that TV? It actually didn't play our movie while the musicians were playing the score. It normally would, and it could have this time, but alas a strategic decision was made to not distract the musicians too much while playing. Oh musicians - could you not play and watch three large vulvas on the screen at the same time? Now that I think of it, those poor strings had a pretty difficult part right there where the vulvas are. They would have been staring at them a while. And that wild brass crew - oh the jokes that would have been a-flyin'. I can assure you that when the first set of brass was finished, they wouldn't have gone out into the lobby to eat pizza, drink wine, and talk about golf. Oh no, they would have hung in the booth to watch what other crazy shit popped up on that TV - and that's just too many people in the booth probably, so it was a good decision.

Ah, it was a good time. We got to meet some of Nathaniel's friends from back in composer school (I'm just gonna call it that). They manned the booth (boothers I think they call them) and were totally cool and fun. The engineer working the board was also awesome as hell. We even ended the session with a good ol' champagne toast (thanks to Nathaniel and his wife). We'll be missing the recording sessions for voice and for guitar/mandolin/ukulele/bass/etc...etc... that will be happening soon, but our hearts will be with them.

Okay, I'm done talking about our LA trip. Next post will be about something different, promise.

Pictures from LA

Share

Tweet

So, I believe I owe you some pictures. I'll keep this pretty simple.

Here's our fearless sound re-recording engineer, Kieth Waggoner, sitting in his red studio in front of  his sweet sound set-up. This was after we watched the movie with the pretty new dialogue that he had cleaned up. It sounded better than we hoped.

We were also able to just brainstorm together and do some good ol' fashioned artistic collaborating about getting or improving some of our original sound effects and about how he would eventually mix the dialogue, sound effects and music together. It was pretty nice, I tell ya. Well, until we got into a huge fight and were threatening to kill each other.

We also got to hang out in LA and be awesome.

Stay tuned. I'll have some more pics of our score recording in the studio adventures soon.

AnC in LA!

Share

Tweet

Okay, so I've been kinda off line the since my last post, but it was for good reason. The AnC 3 - me, Barnaby, and Charlie, took ourselves out to LA for the recording of the Science, Sex, and the Ladies score and for some creative collaborating with our sound re-recording mixer. (The name Sound Re-recording Mixer doesn't make much sense, I know. I just say he's the dude that makes all the voice/production recordings sound good and then puts the music, voices and sound effects together in a sweet, sweet beautiful mix, but it's technically called...Sound Re-recording Mixer. It's a carry over from the olden days of movie making.)

Anyway, it was...it was one of the best experiences of my life. Seeing this movie come together in this way after all the years of work that has been put into it up to this point, seeing that music being created...the way it was brought to life by the musicians...I'm not exaggerating when I say it brought tears to our eyes. Seriously, we were all talking later, and the gravity of what was finally happening and the really lovely sounds that were coming from the studio, got us all a bit. I'm not even embarrassed to say it. Our composer, Mr. Nathaniel Blume, not only created a bad ass score, organized everything, ran a tight ship day of, was super calm and nice through it all, but he also hosted us while we were in LA. We couldn't have asked for better accommodations and company from the Blumes. There is still a guitar/Ukulele/mandolin/bass recording happening and a voice recording happening, which would be awesome to see, but alas I have a job to get back to, and we did see the bulk of the score recorded so I'm pretty much on cloud nine.

So the whole score situation was out of this world awesome, but we were also incredibly pleased and excited to hear what Mr. Keith Waggoner had done with the dialogue in the movie so far. It sounds so clean and nice. It's really amazing how much that kind of treatment can up the whole feel of the movie. Honestly, we didn't know what to expect because we'd never gone through this sound post production part before, but I can tell you we were more than pleasantly surprised. The work Keith had done so far was more technical - just cleaning and such, but he'll be getting to the more artful part soon when he's really mixing the soundscape, and we are looking forward to experiencing that.

Ah, it was an amazing, awesome, exciting trip. We also got to see some friends and check out some sites. I couldn't be happier now to be honest. I'm about to get on a plane now, so there will be pictures to come. Also, if the plane goes down, know I died happy. Oh, and someone needs to finish the movie. My dying wish would be for someone to finish it...just so you know.