*This Blog has moved to www.ScienceSexAndTheLadies.com: Random Hite Report

Showing posts with label Random Hite Report. Show all posts

9.15.2019

Random Hite Report #32

Hello, welcome again to one of my favorite segments on the SSL blog, Random Hite Report! It's simple really. I flip through the pages of the The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (or sometimes The Hite Report on Male Sexuality) by a one Ms. Shere Hite and copy the contents of the page where I land - no more no less. Anyone who reads my blog will know that this 1976 book is a fave of mine; not only because of its realistic and progressive insight about the female orgasm that is still shockingly relevant 40 years later, but also because of its very touching insight into the lives of the women who took part in this huge, comprehensive survey. This is an under-appreciated and under-read book if you ask me - I suggest you buy it online (seriously, you can get them for like 1 cent) and read it.

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 162 From the section Orgasm in the chapter "What do the stages of orgasm feel like" as answers to the question, "How did women describe the whole orgasm from arousal to contractions?"

...vix and perhaps the circular muscles around the cervix end of the vagina."
"Orgasm feels like an intense drawing together sensation, located in my genital area (I can't differentiate in feeling my clitoris and vagina at that point), then my whole body tenses and the sensation is one of total involvement without any "will" or thought involved. 'It' takes over completely. The physiological sensation is best described by the word 'outrageous' in terms of its devastating total effect. It's over within seconds, but fantastic when it occurs. The only awareness I can state is a certain stiffening all over, in addition to the intense 'implosion' in the undifferentiable genital area."
"I don't have orgasms like they describe in books. (Not skyrockets or total relaxation, etc.) What I have starts as a diffuse 'good feeling,' most strongly genital, but all over my body. This feeling gets more and more genitally focused, and I can predict the quality of the climax - if it is too focused, it's not as good an orgasm:the best climaxes seem to involve more of the body. the quality of the orgasm can vary from almost a frustration (the climax coming somehow before the buildup is complete) to a total release - waves of relief involving my whole body."
"My thoughts tend to focus on myself - moving and positioning, so that I can feel the greatest stimulation. I become aware of a pulsating sensitivity in the area of my vagina. I have some anxiety about whether I can climax or not, and so attention is focused on completing the sexual act and not being 'left hanging.' Then there is a convulsive muscle activity, occurring in a wave-like rhythmic cadence, which lasts about 4 to 5 seconds. Then, generally, a lot of muscle relaxations and frequently I feel very tender toward my partner."
"First, tension builds in my body and head, my heart beats, then I strain against my lover, and then there is a second or two of absolute stillness, non-breathing, during which I know orgasm will come in the next second or two. The waves, and I rock against my partner and cannot hold him tight enough. It's all over my body, but especially in my abdomen and gut. Afterwards, I feel..."

6.24.2019

Random Hite Report #31

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 74 From the section Masturbation in the chapter "Feelings About Masturbation."

...gasm, what I find pleasurable. It has made it easier for me to tell what feels good, has made me like myself more, and given me insights into the depths of me."
"Masturbation gave me the knowledge I could achieve orgasm. Now I know what it feels like and know I'm normal."
:It's a way to explore and learn about your body without depending on a man to show you. The first man I slept with assumed I'd never had an orgasm before - that I needed him to show me how. Of course I wasn't supposed to assume such things about him."
"It taught me a lot, mainly how to reach orgasm. Up until January 1973 I thought it was dirty. Now I know how wrong that idea is. I've learned to enjoy many aspects of sex since then and I feel masturbation helped a great deal."
"I'm convinced auto-erotic stimulation is essential to most women - it may be the only adequate introduction to their bodies they receive."
"Through masturbation I can learn how my body can feel and how it wants and likes to feel."
"It's important in finding the stimulation points of your body, discovering your own body."
"It's a way to explore one's sexuality without the self-consciousness of having anyone there."

Some women also felt masturbation helped them have better sex with another person.
"Masturbation teaches you to know your own body and to gratify it, which leads to increasing you sense of independence and may also increase your ability to relate to someone else; being able to tell someone else what gives one pleasure can do a lot for a relationship."
"If you feel guilty about touching yourself, you can't be very free in giving yourself to another, or touching someone else."
"How can you love or satisfy someone else if you can't satisfy your won self?"
"Masturbation develops one's sexuality, because you learn how to touch yourself and therefore others. Perhaps the danger is that you can make it too good, be-..."

11.11.2018

Random Hite Report #30

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 563 From the section Touching Is Sex Too in the chapter "Toward A New Female Sexuality."

...calming beyond belief. His delight in it all tells me volumes about his generous look on life."
In reality, it is likely that men do like physical intimacy and affectionate contact as much as women do, but are afraid to express these feelings.

Not only is touching men outside of sex generally impossible, but touching other women in friendship is not generally acceptable either.
"Sometimes I get so angry at this society for being so cold. There are so many times I would llike to kiss a girl friend or hug her or even put my arm around her but I can't because she would be horrified, and think I was a lesbian. Damn, that makes me angry."
"I would like to touch some people, but hesitate because they are aware of my 'sexual preference,' and this makes me and them uncomfortable. It's awfully hard to explain to an old friend that I only want to hug her because she is an old friend and not potential bed partner."
"I enjoy touching other women, but most of the times you are allowed to do this, like hello's or goodbye's, the hugs lose most of their sexuality and become just reassuring routines, and as far as I'm concerned don't serve any purpose at all."
"There are occasions I'll look at a friend - someone I've been close to for years - and see them as very beautiful, and I'll wish we could be very close. I've always been too frozen in the safe patterns of friendship to reach out to a friend when I feel sensually and sexually attracted to them. I would like to be able to do this, to see what happens, and take these feelings out of the realm of my mind even if it's only to say to the man or woman. 'You're looking really good to me right now!'"

Aside from touching one's partner during sex, it only seems possible to touch children and animals.
"Right now touching is mostly reserved either for parent-baby relationships or sexual relationships. Outside of this it is often construed as sexual even when it...

9.15.2018

Random Hite Report #29

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 147 From the section Orgasm in the chapter "What do the stages of orgasm feel like."

...with arousal. It is pleasurable for itself, but after a certain point I am left tense and angry and disappointed, and...depressed. Ultimately I have to come and know I will enjoy it."
There were no mixed feelings about how it felt to be on the edge of orgasm, and then have the stimulation that brought you there changed or withdrawn: it felt terrible. Questionnaire III asked, "If you are just about to have an orgasm and then don't becaue of withdrawal of stimultion or some similar reason, do you feel frustrated?":
"If my husband comes before I have a chance, I am left shaken and sick to my stomach and resentful and angry."
"Men often have orgasm and roll over and go to sleep, leaving me in a state of high excitement but no orgasm. This is mentally infuriating and has a terrible psychological effect on me. They can be trained to satisfy me, but most men seem to assume that women don't need orgasm like men."
"At first I think, oh, it doesn't matter, it was pretty good while it lasted, and then I think, no! why should I settle for that?"
Frustrated and angry, and potentially violent. It usually happens when my husband decides that his method of stimulating me is not working fast enough and so changes it - without asking first."
"I feel extremely frustrated. I'm almost doubled over in pain and I'm furious, and would like to kill my partner."
"I feel frustrated and disappointed and a little hurt and resentful and his work (the next day) should take precedence over me."
"Frustrated, cheated, angry. Usually he comes to quickly. I sometimes think my husband only cares about his release, like he doesn't think I need one."
"Yes, very frustrated and sad, and sometimes I cry."
"Damn, yes. I feel sad, let down, that something is wrong with me."

8.17.2018

Random Hite Report #28

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 136 From the chapter "Is Orgasm Important."

...partner reach an orgasm - and find it just as stimulating."
"Sometimes it's more fulfilling without orgasm because it's possible to experience my partner's orgasm more completely."
"I think sometimes it's okay not having orgasm during intercourse, but perhaps I am too concerned with making the sexual experience whatever he wants."
"Giving is more important than taking, therefore if there is a choice between my partner's and my orgasm, I take theirs."

Some women came to the conclusion that orgasm during sex was not important. "Orgasms are exceedingly pleasurable and as I haven't given up masturbation, I guess you could say they're 'important' to me. But that's exactly the point of something else - I totally associate orgasm with masturbation. I don't have to come, and often when he comes, it's the peak of sex for me."
"To me orgasms have nothing to do with regular male/female sex. Orgasm is not necessary because I can give them to myself in masturbation."
"Since I don't have orgasms during intercourse, therefore I enjoy it without."
"Personally, I don't mind very much if I don't have one with a man. I don't expect to."
"Orgasm is something I am able to give myself any time - so it's no big deal to not have one. Cuddling and touching is more important to get from my partner."
"I think orgasms are overrated. When I masturbate, it is to achieve orgasm, but with my lover, I really don't care if i do or not. I just want to feel warm and close."
"Orgasm is not always necessary during intercourse. It's still okay because of the warmth and comfort and just to let someone know you accept their physicality."
"Orgasms are only important in context. If all I wanted was orgasm, I'd masturbate. If someone wants to give me an orgasm, and it is an act of love and affection and consideration, then that is important."

5.23.2018

Random Hite Report #27

Hello, welcome again to one of my favorite segments on the SSL blog, Random Hite Report! (And sorry for the 12 day lull in posts. New job, stolen computer, new city...I just decided to chill 'til I got a new computer and wasn't as hectic) It's simple really. I flip through the pages of the The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (or sometimes The Hite Report on Male Sexuality) by a one Ms. Shere Hite and copy the contents of the page where I land - no more no less. Anyone who reads my blog will know that this 1976 book is a fave of mine; not only because of its realistic and progressive insight about the female orgasm that is still shockingly relevant 40 years later, but also because of its very touching insight into the lives of the women who took part in this huge, comprehensive survey. This is an under-appreciated and under-read book if you ask me - I suggest you buy it online (seriously, you can get them for like 1 cent) and read it.

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 482 From the chapter "Sex and Emotions" in the section SEXUAL REVOLUTION. These are survey answers related to, unsurprisingly, the sexual revolution and emotions related to sex, under the heading, "Overwhelmingly, women wanted sex with feeling."

...together. No one knows where the other person is at, and what attracts one may turn off another. Everyone wants to try everything, but not stick to any one thing, so they change from day to day, and are bewildered by the way they and their friends reverse opinions and trade partners. I'm not saying the old way was better, but I'm afraid of what kind of life I can look forward to. I'm not married, but even if I do get married it seems that my marriage has a small chance of surviving. And I don't see the advantage of this style, frankly."
"I'm confused as hell about the 'sexual revolution.' My husband and I lived and slept together for over a year before we were married -- and that was fine. We loved each other and was some kind of commitment between us. The summer before I was married, my (then) fiance was away and I slept twice with another man because I was curious. Fine. As I mentioned earlier, I lost my virginity to a friend, a bit of a cold way to start out, but I was scared and wanting to get laid, so he helped me out. Fine. But extramarital sex after a man and woman have made a big commitment to each other - I can't buy. I moved out on my husband when he took on a girl friend because I couldn't stand the pain. A year later, right no, we're negotiating. We seem to be at a stalemate. I hate to think of myself as behind the times, but I can't hack anything but monogamy."
"I still believe the greatest sexual satisfaction comes from having a partner you care about. I've gone through stages of having several lovers and thinking I was really liberated. But I'm much more fulfilled now with one caring partner."
"I went along with the sexual revolution quite a while until I realized that holding my feelings back was causing me a lot of anguish. I was very depressed. I tried opening communication lines up - that was part of the problem but not all of it. Now, in love with my lover and trusting him, I can see how all that damaged me - made my trust mechanisms inhibited by sex.For a while I stopped having sex with him because I couldn't..."

3.17.2018

Random Hite Report #26

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 397 From the chapter "Lesbianism."

...and that is how the figures in this study should be viewed.

Many other women said they might be interested in having sex with another women. One of the most striking points about the answers received to the questionnaires was how frequently, even though it was not specifically asked, women brought up th fact that they might be interested in having sex with another women, or at least were curious. This interest was usually mentioned in connection with the question, "What would you like to try that you never have?" Some of the answers follow:
"I have been married for twelve years, but I am not happy with it. I've never had a physical relationship with a woman but I feel it would be more satisfying than with a male. I don't know how to relate to another woman physically, as I've never had the opportunity to do so. There is a woman whom I'm attracted to and feel is the same as me, but I'm afraid to approach her."
"How I wish I could have a relationship with a man the way i have with my closest women friend. I want to be honest and giving, caring, loving, supporting, and supportive. I want to be cared about, thought special and worthwhile. That I am a person who has lived through things. I want to be able to say 'I love you' and 'I want you' without the other person feeling threatened."
"I've only had sex with one man - the man I'm with now. He felt like a close friend for a while. I found I wanted to talk to him and be with him in times of happiness and crisis. The relationship has progressed from friendship to 'being in love' back to deep friendly love. Right now my head is in a place where I would like to be in a relationship with a woman as well as keeping my relationship with this man. I am in the process of changing my entire life and feelings about my sexuality."
"I have always admired beautiful women, but have..."

1.14.2018

Random Hite Report #25

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report.

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 317 From chapter "Clitoral Stimulation" in the section titled, 'How Have Most Men Had Sex With You?"'

...imaginative kind, paying little attention to my clitoris. They then go immediately to penetration in the 'missionary position,' have a whale of a good time, and go to sleep immediately afterward. This is an extreme picture, but it is too well defined to ignore."
"They undress me and try to penetrate at once. It's horrible."
"Whenever I have sex with a man they always are trying to get there, of course. That seems standard."
"A little foreplay, to one end."
"Unfortunately, most men just get into you."
"In general, they tended to minimize foreplay and to concentrate just on intercourse. I can't generalize about technique other than usually foreplay and just good old hugging and kissing. Gets less and less once we get to know each other."
"Foreplay with constant pressure to have intercourse."
"They try to arouse me, then as soon as possible, start intercourse. Some few do not hurry and wait for me to advance to the next step."
"Nothing really standard except the bed, the penetration, the ejaculation, and orgasm (real or faked)."
"In and out."
"Caressing my body, breasts, vagina....asking me to caress their penis...then bang bang..."
"Kiss, pet, go down on me, then lay me on the bottom and unless I've really wanted this person for a long time, this isn't satisfactory."
"Men are very uninformed about women's sexual desires. Most men will engage in a little manual stimulation but expect a woman to reach orgasm during intercourse. They cannot understand that some women prefer clitoral stimulation."
"They jumped on and rode."
"It used to be pretty standard until we saw that fucking mechanically was damaging to us. Now usually we are tender, sometimes intense and passionate, sometimes just affectionate and close without 'real sex.' Our sexual times are varied."
" With some recent and beautiful exceptions, the en-....

9.17.2017

Random Male Hite Report #23

Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.

Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

The Hite Report on Male Sexuality

Knopf, 1981 pg 223

The following page is in the section RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN in the chapter "Portraits of Marriage" These are longer form answers from men related to their marriage. The following is the end of one from a 37 year old man who is currently involved in 2 relationships, one with his wife of sixteen years and one with a woman he has been with for 3 years.

"....relationship, which had become emotional and physical over time. Even though we are now separated by a great geographical distance, I still feel closer to her than to anyone in the immediate vicinity. We continue to write each other a few times a week, at least, and are now planning to be together at a professional conference next year.
"It is very likely that my present marriage will not last another couple years, and the biggest problem I must deal with is the ultimate reason for its breakup. Basically, I have come to feel that the marriage was a mistake, a feeling my wife had very early (but does not express now). Further, I need to know that the marriage is breaking up because of its own internal dynamic, that it is not because of an outside relationship I might have. In fact, I have made it quite clear to my special friend that she would not be the reason for the breakup, and that I would not expect to jump into another marriage. i have told her that, because I love her so very much, I would hope that we remain close, but I was not interested in tying her down to any single relationship. I merely want to be close, within her reach if she should need a very special friend. I know that I need her friendship, but I refuse to attempt to control anyone anymore.
"Though my wife and I continue to tell each other that we do share love, I am just not sure if either of us really means it. I think we care for each other at a fundamental level; we care what happens to each other and the children. I just think there has been too much pain and bitterness over the years for much in the way of 'love' to remain. this may well be a simplistic rationalization, I don't know, but I have not reticence about saying that I do love this special friend of mine. Sometimes my ego gets in the way and I wonder if she loves me more than the men in her other relationships. I quickly get beyond this, however, and I feel confident that we do love each other. and that no measurement is necessary in that knowledge. What do we get out of the relationship? We get each other and a greater sense of just who we are, greater self-knowledge through clear awareness of the other. We do not 'play games' with each other; we are always open and even vulnerable. These are things I have never before experienced in any relationship. I refuse to be put in a position of possibly ending what we have found through each other.
"It would be very easy for me to say that I feel (and have long felt) dominated by my wife. Truthfully, I don't feel that to be the case. That would merely be an excuse for not taking responsibility for my own life decisions. I was not forced into marriage, I was not forced to have a family, I was not forced to seek out new relationships, and I am not being forced to maintain any situation I might presently be in. It is possible that both my wife and I feel dominated and that we might blame it on each other, but the decisions we made early on were in many ways expected of us. I think we have grown out of those decisions but don't really know what to do about it at the moment, especially when it concerns two other individuals we brought into the world and to whom we have a deep responsibility."

"I have been married over twenty years. i got married because I was in love, and in those days it was the thing to do. We have stayed married because of our...

8.19.2017

Random Hite Report #24

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 337 From chapter "CLitoral Stimulation" in the section 'Feelings About Clitoral Stimulation.' These are answers to the question "Do you feel embarrassed asking for clitoral stimulation?Do you feel your partner is sacrificing to give it to you?"

...one man so that he managed to Get It. The others just could never grasp it, evidently, or I was too shy to get the point across clearly."
"He was furious the last time I asked him to stimulate me (as it stopped his readiness to 'dive in'). He's really timid and clumsy and too unsure for me to risk spoiling another evening by coaching. So I accept him this way (it's really okay)."
"I ask for it sometimes even though it's embarrassing - and then it's hard to be specific on what you like, and you feel like a nut in being so limited in what turns you on."
"I don't think I ever asked for what I wanted . I just thought some guys knew and some didn't, and it was very exciting when they did. I always was intimidated by the concept of a controlling and/or castrating women - it was holy writ to me not to make a guy feel inadequate (a result of my intellectual male friends and my psychoanalyst), and to suggest that he do something more or different would have been to appear to suggest that he wasn't adequate. Now the women's movement has helped me to be outspoken. I ask for what i want in all sorts of situations - church, work, the supermarket, local government - and in bed."
"It used to be embarrassing , but then my partner and I learned how to touch each other by oral instructions. Dialogue goes like this: me: 'What would you like?' 'Touch my penis.' 'How hard?' 'Harder.' 'Like this or this?' 'The second way.' 'What else?' Touch the tip.' 'How?' 'Rub gently.' 'Like this or this?', etc. I really insisted that he be literal and use all the words. The we reversed it. I had a hard time asking him to touch my breasts or clitoris. Now it is easier, but still hard to suggest something new."
"No, i don't ask for it usually. That would be embarrassing to me and is something I know I must struggle with. If I can tell them a foot massage feels wonderful, why not feelings related to sex??? I'm trying though, and it's getting better. If my friend ever reads these answers I'm writing you, it'll be a long night, but it'll be worth it!"

6.22.2017

Random Male Hite Report #22

Hello, friends. It's time for another Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.

Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.

Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 1047

The following page is in the section in the Appendix about the participants answer to the question 'Why Did You Answer This Questionnaire?'

"Why did I answer this questionnaire? Two months ago, I couldn't have done it. I could not have bared my soul, even anonymously, as I have done here if i had nt established communications with the best all-around woman I have ever met. The totality and utter completeness of the honesty that exists between us is now so great that I am unable to resist giving a response which I must suspect will be unique and will stand out among all the other responses received. I am well aware that I am probably not the only man in the world who has my sensitivities to the needs of a woman, but i am also aware that the likelihood of your receiving a response, from other men, similar to mine is very remote."
"I am interested in filling out one of the questionnaires as I am perfectly squared away when it comes to sexual intercourse, I'm horny as hell, get great pleasure out of making sure my lady has orgasms, usually more than one, oral at first then using my fingers and tongue and finally one when I enter her as she is by now quite ready to go over the falls so to speak. I think I could set anybody in the world straight on their problems of sex. Confidence is the biggest factor."

A few mentioned enjoying the idea of being part of published study:

"I answered this questionnaire because I wanted to be part of making history and think what I feel and say is significant and useful."
"I have often regretted that since most of my sexual relationships have been clandestine all my wonderful experiences will die with me. This is as close as I'll ever get to recording the kind of sex life I've had."
"I answered this questionnaire because I feel I am part of a historical kind of research. and I want to be part of it. I also want to see if you will quote me and in what context, but I probably will not recognize my answers because I think many men feel as I do."

A few men said they answered as a way of changing society:

"I'm answering this questionnaire in hopes of letting other men realize that value of a true male-female relationship and the need for a positive move toward ending the stereotypes and the ideal of male domination over women."
"I am interested in the alternative society and helping to hatch it."
"I want to be part of the movement in our New Society and feel that answering this questionnaire is participating in the movement. I do all I can - I felt I answered with embarrassing candor - and think it's time men's feelings became known."

And one man gave as his reason:
"I am answering from the experience of over forty-three years of love of a wonderful sweetheart, wife, and mother. We fell in love just after she finished high school and our love never waned but instead, steadily grew deeper. I am seventy-four, and though she left this life some time ago, I am still in love with her. I am answering this to honor her memory."

A few men had more frivolous reasons:

"I answered the questionnaire because the idea of a male survey fascinated me. Then, too, I thought it would be wild to tell friends I was part of the survey when the book comes out. Also my New Year's resolution was to do more things this year."
"I don't know. It's ten o'clock in the morning, just got off midnight shift and am very tired. Maybe I like questionnaires."

5.11.2017

Random Hite Report #23

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 131 From chapter "Orgasm" in the section 'Are Orgasms Important' under the heading 'Women are now under great pressure to perform by having orgasms, especially during intercourse.'

"I'm very wary about telling new partners I don't have orgasms because then they make it a contest to see if they can be the one to make me come. I really resent being expected to come, and almost forced if I don't."
"Sometimes I have felt that reaching orgasm was more a matter of satisfying my partner's desire to satisfy me than my own need for orgasm."
"You're supposed to be uninhibited and have orgasms, and when I do it makes him feel confident and secure. Orgasm is important, but not as important as he thinks: my orgasm is actually more important to m husband than to me!"
"Yes, I must have an orgasm. Otherwise, I'm not a real person and making him feel bad and maybe he'll abandon me. Men enjoy making love more to women who have orgasms."
"I would enjoy sex with no orgasm at times, if I felt other people weren't uptight about it, and if the reasons were my own. Maybe sex would be better if we'd never heard of orgasms."
"I'm afraid that new partners will think I'm wierd and not as sexy as other women if I don't have orgasms-or that I'm selfish and aggressive if I do!"
"I wish orgasms didn't exist. Then maybe sex would be fun."

There is also a social pressure that says a woman who has an orgasm is more of a woman, a "real" woman.

"I don't think orgasms are that important; the literature has given women another burden. But I'm ashamed to admit, because of the myth, I feel 'good' having an orgasm - like I'm a real woman! Arrrgh...."

"I can enjoy sex without orgasm, but psychologically I feel like I'm a failure, like a not totally functioning woman."
"Orgasms are continually talked about. Therefore if I don't have one, I feel inadequate."
"The idea of having orgasms is important to me, but I can certainly enjoy sex without having them. Worse than not having an orgasm is the feeling that I've failed or that I'm frigid or unsexy. I feel a lot of pressure,...

3.19.2017

Random Male Hite Report #21

Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 83

The following page is in the section called 'Longer replies about growing up male and being a man' in a chapter called What Does It Mean To Being A Man. (This is one man's response)

"My father taught more by example than words. He didn't encourage me to be tough, and he pointed out that another neighborhood father (a street fighter) was stupid to act this way. Fighting back, I learned from him, didn't have to be active. You could refuse to concede to pressure even if you couldn't change things. In fact, the stroke he suffered was the tail end of his being fed up with people who bought a going away gift for their boss who treated them all like shit: my old man wouldn't agree to it and refused to be quiet about it (it was over a set of golf clubs that he exploded).
"I cannot say whether or not I was directed on 'how to be a boy' or 'not to act like a girl.' Our universe was a local schoolyard. Boys and girls interacted a great deal - not in baseball, however. Sports created a separation.The only 'male only' activity in our house was a strange annual Communion Breakfast organized by my father's union. Only men and boys could attend. We all thought it was strange. My father (and my mother) taught me to do my part - whether that was shopping, going to the laundry, or washing the floors (my specialty!). These were my chores, my contribution.
"I liked to read as a child - which was unusual in my world (I was one of those kids with a thousand comic books, The Hardy Boys, etc. ). He encouraged me-my mother even more so. My parents wanted me to do well in school, but in absolute terms, not 'do better than Joe' stuff. Other than grades (the point of which was to graduate) there was no parental pressure to compete.
"In high school and my short time in college I didn't belong to any particular group. I was lonely - had no social life. I stayed active in Boy Scouts, teaching kids to camp, etc. Then, on bad advice, I pledged for a fraternity, as a sixteen year-old freshman. The forty-eight hours of humiliation almost killed me. Walked out in the middle of hazing, created a lie about being hurt to explain my exit. I told that lie for years.
"When I was fifteen I played in a band whose average age (except me) was eighteen. Pressure to score with girls came from them. I would become the butt of their conversations about their adventures, because I had nothing to report. I was embarrassed and had no idea as to how to make things better. Eventually, we simply parted company. But I was fairly tough and tough-acting as a kid and while I was different (not the neighborhood brain, but certainly smart)you wouldn't call me a sissy unless you wanted to fight about it (even if I lost, I'd still fight).
"Today I have more friends than I did in those days. My best male friend is the same age as I am (thirty-three). He has some physical problems - bad back, etc. - which he worsens by playing softball, etc. (I run for exercise and am in good shape.) We take care of each other when one of us needs it and we care enough for each other (1) not to butt into each other's life and (2) to pick each other up when things are a mess. We do not share details of our personal lives. For example, he does not know about my lover. But I helped him when one of his brothers split with another brother's wife - the help consisted of talking and avoiding judgments. He helped me when work pressures built up and threatened to blow my head apart: minor corporate expense padding blown out of proportion - my job was to act as the go-between for the company, the employees, the press, the law. He walked me through it."

2.07.2017

Random Hite Report #22

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 83 From chapter "MASTURBATION" in the section called 'Types of Masturbation' under the heading 'Type IA,'

...and use 'dirty words.' And by the way, I have just turned myself on by writing this."
"Oddly enough, although i'm right handed in most things, I always masturbate with my left hand. I lie on my right side and use my left hand from underneath me, the second and third fingers stroking my clitoris up and down the shaft. Usually I use a little vaseline to lubricate it. With my right hand, I gently press down on my lower abdomen. Sometimes I cross my left leg over my right leg and press down as I feel the orgasm coming. I move about a bit - sort of wriggling. I would like to try a vibrator, but I haven't had the opportunity yet."
"Sometimes I dress in erotic costumes and view myself in the mirror. Usually I smoke a cigarette, and sometimes put on make-up. If there is time, I lubricate my breasts and genitals with oil or cream. I prefer looking in the mirror rather than directly at myself. Usually i begin playing with my breasts, rubbing my thighs together, then concentrating on orgasm, using my fingers on my right hand in a circular motion on my clitoris. I start with my legs apart, but enjoy having them tight together at orgasm, squeezing my muscles. At that point, I can't move very much."
"I use only one hand and mainly rub up and down. Does everyone answer these questions so frankly? I feel a little wanton, but I feel you must be true or else why try to understand yourself? My legs are apart and i touch only my clitoris."
"I just start right in rubbing my clitoris. I used to touch my breasts and stomach, but it seemed redundant. Now i just rub my clitoris, and generally admire the qualities of me!"
"I masturbate by manipulating my clitoris in a side to side massaging manner, starting gently and increasing in intensity and pressure. I use my finger (one hand). The motion is slightly circulat combined with side to side, mainly. The other hand is manipulating the nipple of my left breast (the larger and more sensitive one). Legs are apart. I don't move much, in terms of body movements, until orgasm, when there is a raising of the but-..."

1.08.2017

Random Hite Report #21

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 113 From chapter "MASTURBATION" in the section called 'Types of Masturbation' under the heading 'Type III,'

...dant. And I used to move my hnds more than me, now I move me more.

Type III
Type III means masturbating by thrusting into a pillow or other soft object. Four percent of the women masturbated this way, plus an additional 1.2 percent who could also masturbate in other ways. Type III is similar to Type II because it is done on the stomach, in the face down position, but different because no hands are used. It involves thrusting or grinding the pelvis, especially the pubic area, against the bed, some pillows, or a clump of clothing, or perhaps moving one's body in pressing movements against the bed. Legs are usually together, and often there are some sheets of fabric wadded up and held between the legs. Thus stimulation is spread over a rather wide area in an indirect way. Six of the Type IIIs are unusual, and four of these quotes will be found at the end of this section.
"When I masturbate, I usually lie face down on the bed with some cloth, like a blanket or spread, pulled together so there is a mound I rub back and forth on."
"I lie on my stomach with some material pulled firmly between my thighs and pressing against my entire mons area, then bounce gently until orgasm."
"Yes I enjoy masturbation. I have masturbated since babyhood and I don't see any reason to stop ever. However, I prefer sex with a partner because I like company. I always have an orgasm and usually several of them, depending on the mood I'm in. I don't masturbate like anyone else I've ever heard of. I make a clump in the bedding about the size of a fist (I used to use the head of my poor teddy bear, but since I became too old to sleep with a teddy bear, a wad of the sheets has to suffice) and then lie on my stomach on top of it so that it exerts pressure on my clitoris. I then move my hips in a circular motion until I climax - very simple. It works with legs apart or together - either one, although when I am in a particularly frenzied state, together sometimes...

12.03.2016

Random Male Hite Report #20

"...would have to guess at it, but some of the relationships were as often as three or four times a week and sometimes with two different women at the same rate.
"Since my present marriage, which is happy as I think one could be, I have had intercourse with my former second wife on two occasions, with a former bed partner who was probably the most sexually desirable woman I ever bedded, and the other one was a girl that for years I wanted to bed and when the opportunity came about eighteen months ago I did so, but was so conscience-stricken I did not go back when I could have. I think it is not too likely I will stray much again, although I think part of this is due to age rather than any great amount of honesty on my part.
"I do not think these affairs in the past had any effect on my marriages - I was conscious of none. They have had none in this marriage and she does not know about them. I think she would break my neck if she did."

"I am married and have been for two years. Most of the time I enjoy the married life, but there are times when I would sooner be single again. I think most married couples feel this way from time to time, but it would take a hell of a lot to make me leave my wife. I like to think I am married because I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I got married out of loneliness, I guess. I did not want to be alone and my wife was the only person who seemed to fill the lonely space in my life. In many ways sex with my wife has become routine. I don't like it, but my wife seems to be happy with it, or at least she never indicates a change is needed. So to get the change, the spice I need, I have taken to finding casual lovers.
"Complete monogamy, to me, is only in the thoughts of idealists in our society. One man or woman spending the rest of their life being totally with only one person is not possible. I don't think one person can give another person everything they want or need. I know my wife cannot give me everything I need and I know I can't give my wife everything she wants. True, there are a lot of couples who say they are completely happy, but I'll bet that this is just talk to many of them. Of course it would make life a lot easier if everybody could find one person who could take care of all their wants and needs, but I am afraid life just isn't like that.
"My extramarital experiences were not of the open marriage type. If my wife ever asks me about them i will tell her truthfully, even try to explain to her why I had them even though i am sure she will not understand. But, until she asks, I will not bring them up because it would hurt her and I do not want to hurt her, ever.
"It may be guilt, it may be something else, but after each one of the extra sex experiences I have had, I seem to be more in love with my wife. Or maybe it's that I can bear up for a little longer without imposing my will on my wife - since she does not seem to need sex or intercourse as often as I do. In a way, I guess. my casual affairs outside marriage are holding my marriage together. These affairs of mine have had little effect on sex with my wife. When she does show some interest, I am more than happy to make love with her, but until she does show interest I have my affairs.
"In the beginning, I was very much in love with her. We worked together..."

10.29.2016

Random Male Hite Report #19

Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 441

The following page is in the section called 'Intercourse' in a chapter called Toward a New Idea of Intercourse, and in relation to the Survey question about which positions and movements these men prefer. This page is filled with men's answers from the 35% of men who prefer women on top during intercourse.

feelings better. If I'm on top, I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing what she wants, and worrying about it. When I'm below, she does virtually all the moving; I'm almost afraid to intrude on what she has going. I love it."
"Having my partner on top lets her be more active, which i find sexually exciting, personally liberating, and politically important."
"I prefer to be on bottom, for several reasons. For one thing, I come much faster when on top. There's some difference in the way things rub together. Also, when on top i feel like I'm crushing my partner (I'm a fairly large person, 6'2'' and 175 lbs.). I feel like I have to support part of my weight on my arms, which makes it harder to relax and enjoy things. Finally, the partner that I had sex with for the longest period of time liked to be on top, sitting up straddling me. I got to like being able to see her body and stroke her breasts while making love."
"The best place fr the most satisfying motion for me is on the bottom. The position I like least is being on top; I'm always worried that my partner is being squished. My arms get tired too."
"I prefer women to be on top because this gives her more control, so that she can orgasm if she wants to. Also this means less physical work for me so that I can be more mentally and emotionally responsive."
"I like to lay on the bottom, and she lays on top and does the movement. I fantasize that I'm a woman and she's a man - really feel it's great. I like to feel as though she is entering me, that she has the penis and I the vagina. Part of it is maybe I feel a lifting of the responsibility for action - I can just lay there and dig it."
"Lately I like to lie completely still with her on top of me doing all the moving, sort of like being raped by her."
"During intercourse, I prefer to be on bottom so I can more comfortably free my hands for clitoral stimulation, or caress over my wife's body. Unfortunately, however, by the time we get around to it, we are usually both tired, and she prefers the female-inferior position, in which I find it difficult to do any adequate hand stimulation. Usually I do most of the moving, which I do not like because it seems like a one-sided affair, and I don't think she gets as much out of it. If I'm on bottom, she does most of the moving, and gets very involved and excited; I think it is best for both of us."

But, as we have just seen, many of the men who said they preferred the bottom said this was because they thought the woman preferred the top - rather than any strong personal physical preference to be on the bottom:
"My wife prefers me on top, primarily I think for psychological reasons. But I prefer the bottom, partly because I like to watch her move, and partly because I have read that most women get great physical pleasure from the top due to the greater amount of control of the angel of penetration afforded. Generally we switch off, taking turns on top."
"Frankly, I prefer to be on my back with the woman on top. That way she can be the judge of how much (or rather how little) she wants to be penetrated."

9.16.2016

Random Hite Report #20

Hello, welcome again to one of my favorite segments on the SSL blog, Random Hite Report! It's simple really. I flip through the pages of the The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality (or sometimes The Hite Report on Male Sexuality) by a one Ms. Shere Hite and copy the contents of the page where I land - no more no less. Anyone who reads my blog will know that this 1976 book is a fave of mine; not only because of its realistic and progressive insight about the female orgasm that is still shockingly relevant 40 years later, but also because of its very touching insight into the lives of the women who took part in this huge, comprehensive survey. Most of the book involves hearing the respondents describe and discuss very personal and often quite detailed and physical based aspects of their masturbation, orgasm, and sexual encounters. This is an under-appreciated and under-read book if you ask me - I suggest you buy it online (seriously, you can get them for like 1 cent) and read it.

"Orgasm occurs to me like an intense tickling in the front of my vagina, with a sudden releases through rolling pulses inside my vagina."
"I feel involuntary highly pleasant spasms in my clitoris, vagina, and anal areas. Sometimes my whole body seems to be in spasm. The pleasure is basically in my genital area, but my whole body does react."
"I experience a series of profound contractions in my vagina with immediate reactions of sweating, hyperventilation and release."
"I feel vaginal contractions at the moment of release, and in a strong orgasm, uterine contractions also. (Sometimes my whole body jerks, but I'm not sure how involuntary that is.)"
"The sensation of orgasm feels to me like a fantastic excitation of my clitoris and a general explosion through my entire body. There are definite contractions of the uterus and vagina, which were most apparent to me when I was a good deal pregnant."
"I feel the muscles in my vagina rippling open and shut, sometimes powerfully, sometimes lightly. A few times it has been so intense that I felt brief cramps in my uterus."

Although a slightly arched position may be natural during arousal and the moments up to and just including orgasm, during the contractions the hips tend to move forward somewhat, as does the head, in a kind of bending inward.
"I arch back before orgasm, then during the contractions my hips raise and my back makes the reverse of an arch, sort of bending inward - almost a fetal position."
"During the orgasmic contractions, I convulse toward the direction of my stomach, like doubling over."

This bending inward sometimes takes the form of the whole body spasm, reflecting the uterine orgasms that often accompany orgasm. "During the arousal period (buildup), my whole body's muscles tense, and my limbs may jerk. Then the release is accomplished in...

8.17.2016

Random Hite Report #19

So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 280 From chapter "Intercourse" in the section called 'WOMEN WHO ORGASM DURING INTERCOURSE: HOW THEY DO IT'

3.Touching of the pubic bones together during intercourse. Getting clitoral stimulation by the man's pubic bone hitting against the woman's with each thrust was another method used by some women. In most of the examples, the man was doing the moving. Positions included the man on top, or one or both sitting up; the woman's leg position s included everything from together to apart to up or bent up and back. The thrusting makes it hard to keep the stimulation on just the right spot, so it is important to have freedom of movement for yourself.
"I prefer having the man on top, but i move a lot because I am finicky about the timing and thrusting that's going on. It requires a lot of squirming around to get certain places that are pleasurable. Also, if I keep my legs together, my grasp regulated the pressure as I like it."
"Usually I receive clitoral stimulation by pressing my mons area against the pubic area of my partner in a rhythmic fashion. It is difficult for me to come in a standing or rear entry position, because the vital pubic bone to pubic bone pressure is missing. When he is on top, I usually grab his buttocks with my hands and guide him in his movements, if he isn't already doing what I want."
"We have intercourse with him on top, bodies arched slightly so that my clitoral area is exposed and receiving stimulation by the natural thrusts of our bodies together."
"During intercourse, I am on the bottom. I am scooted down so that the penis is at a right angle to his body. The energy required to resist his weight, and to move my hips seems to concentrate in the clitoral area of my pelvis. At this point, I lift my feet to concentrate the energy even more."
"There is one position with me underneath with my legs up over my partner's shoulders that i can come with no arousal. it blows my mind."
"I like not too deep penetration, long and smooth.....