Thoughts on the Betty Dodson Masturbation Class Article

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Betty Dodson at the Class

Ol' Betty Dodson's at it again. She ran one of her famous female masturbation classes, and a NY Magazine writer went to report (I recommend reading the article by Rose Surnow HERE). Although Betty's still a busy activist (check her website with Carlin Ross HERE), she doesn't do a ton of these classes anymore, so it's cool to hear some people are still getting a chance to experience it.

I have noticed the article getting a bit of press, and I'm pretty happy about it. I have a lot of respect for Ms. Dodson and the work she has done for Orgasm Equality. I was actually able to interview her for this blog, wrote a series of posts about her, and she even contributed to our Kickstarter fundraiser for the movie to which this blog relates, Science, Sex and the Ladies. So, quickly, here's what I liked or found interesting in the article.

1 The author said, "I was on my way to a female group masturbation workshop where I was going to be “playing the clitar” in front of strangers for approximately five hours." I like the term "playing the clitar," and I like that masturbation was clearly and accurately associated with clitoral stimulation.

2 About how Betty got into this, the article reads;

Originally a fine artist, Betty changed careers in the '70s when she discovered feminism and the sexual revolution. She started going to group sex parties and while watching couples get down she noticed a pattern: All the men were climaxing and all the women were faking it. Not a single woman was having a real orgasm. She was so upset she decided to take matters into her own hands, and when I say “matters” I mean clits.

 Again, I love the clit love, but also, I'd like to point out how very real this men-are-orgasming-but-women-aren't problem still is. For one, just look at porn. Faking is what female porn stars do, they even say as much on documentaries. Also, the stats about how often women come during intercourse hasn't really changed  since then. Only about 1/3 of women claim to come on a regular basis during intercourse (our most common of sexual interactions) - even though all it would take for us to regularly orgasm too would be for us to work our own clits during the act. We have a lot more work to do in this culture to make women feel entitled and comfortable pursuing their orgasms in realistic ways - i.e. clit stim causes orgasms - not vaginal stimulation.

3 Betty said this, which I think is a pretty realistic and thoughtful thing to say;

“My mantra is vaginal penetration with clitoral stimulation,” Betty said. She believes that it’s crucial not to focus solely on clitoral stimulation when you jill off because then when you have partner sex, you’ll be totally lost.

I mean, she's got a good point. Most of the time women spend in sexual situations is going to be dominated by the act of intercourse. Yeah, it'd be nice if non intercourse activities were more of a main course in sexual interactions, but for the moment - reality is reality. Ladies, for us, getting off during partnered sex largely includes rubbin' one out while there's a wang up our vag. Having something in there and not having something in there feels a little different, and it's a good idea to become familiar during masturbation with the sensations that will be present during intercourse. Plus, it's a good idea to have some variety in your masturbation routine - for men and women alike. The way we masturbate sort of teaches us how to orgasm, and the more variety we have in our jerkin' repertoire, the more varied we can be in our sexual interactions with other people.

4 In general, the author was really open and positive and didn't get al wierded out by a big naked masturbation / show and tell circle. It was just kind of a sweet article.


Photo of Betty Dodson by Bek Anderson at http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/11/i-went-to-a-female-masturbation-class.html

Beauty Jackson Blogs Some Truth!

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I came across a post on BlogHer by Beauty Jackson  called My Body, My Orgasm, My Choice. It's about being honest with yourself and potential partners when it comes to sex; being honest about what you desire from the sexual relationship, ignoring others' judgements, trusting your instincts, and also accepting that any type of sexual relationship can be positive if it starts from honesty. It's a good read. I recommend checking it out HERE.

Why do I tell you about this blog? I like to highlight posts I see on the ol' interwebs that I think have some type of contribution to the Orgasm Equality Movement. This post by Beauty Jackson is a little bit of an unorthodox pick for me because it doesn't specifically discuss or depict details of female sexual release. What it does, however, is approach female sex drive in terms of orgasm, and that's not usually how I see that subject framed, although I do so wish I saw it more.

Too often, discussions of women and sex focus on the emotional and psychological, and they shy away from considering purely physical reasons for desiring or engaging in sexy time. Discussions of men and sex, on the other hand, tend to over emphasize the purely physical aspects of sexual drive. I feel like this typical way our culture views female vs. male sexual drive feeds into the idea that the physical pleasure of an orgasm is simply not that important to women, and certainly not as important as it is for men (why, we ladies can be sure nuff sexually satisfied by the emotional closeness while getting banged or by romantic dinners - or something to that effect).  Like I say often in this blog, downplaying the importance of orgasm for women is just a cover for ignoring the extreme ignorance in our culture about how women actually, physically orgasm and a way to overlook how few orgasms women actually have in partnered sexual situations.

In my mind, a voice that is speaking about females and sex with an eye towards our desire for orgasm, is a wonderful counter balance to most of the media out there.

 So ask yourself, “What is it that I actually want?”  The answer might be, “Something lasting and meaningful.”  But sometimes, when it’s cold, quiet and rainy and you have nothing else to do, the answer to that question is, “An orgasm,” so you slip into that mo’ better to pass the time. And you know what?  There’s not a thing in this world wrong with that.

What particularly struck me in her post was that she didn't simply make a connection between female desire and vague notions of physical pleasure, she used the word orgasm. It probably shouldn't be, but I think it's still a bold move to straight up connect female desire to an orgasm. It seems more raw and dirty than just talking about sexual pleasure - which conjures up more sweet and sensual images of oil massages and gentle kisses to the neck. "Pleasure" does not necessarily include the physical pleasure enjoyed from a grunty, sweaty, selfish orgasm. So I give props to Beauty Jackson for being real, beccause honestly, I know some romantic touching and kissing feels nice, but if we didn't also expect to have an orgasm, I don't think it'd take too long before the idea of sex got a little boring. When we're plain and simple horny ladies, it's an orgasm that's gonna scratch that itch - not some sensual skin on skin contact alone, am I right?

Anyway, I liked Beauty Jackson's style. I think if we had more women openly discussing sexual desire, we might have more women beginning to feel entitled to desire sexual activity in whatever way they choose, and maybe, just maybe, also feel entitled to do whatever needs to be done during those sex acts to get themselves an orgasm. Then, my ladies, we'd really start to be on the road towards orgasm equality.

A critique of "Hard Core," an article by Natasha Vargas-Cooper

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It's been a bit oversaid the last few years that internet has overexposed us to porn, and that it's not such a good thing. Anyone who did not have the luxury of internet porn in their adolescence could tell you about the length one had to go to to find any scrap of porn - how often it was sheer luck of being in the right place at the right time (a thrown out mag in the woods or the trash?), the power of hard searching (family you were babysitting for had a stash in their nightstand, maybe?), or you just knew the right people (your parents, older siblings, maybe your friend got a hold and was willing to share?). At any rate, it was less available before the internet, even if you were over 18 and could find it legally. I think it's fair to say that this is an uncomplicatedly true statement.

What is a bit more complicated is what that means exactly. This brings me to an article that Barnaby found and sent to me. It's called "Hardcore," found in The Atlantic Monthly Magazine and written by Natasha Vargas-Cooper. Check it out here. Charlie and Barnaby both read it, and we all had a good long talk about it (yes, it was a full on AnC pow-wow). I've read plenty of pieces discussing this porn overexposure and the desensitizing/dominance over women/unrealistic expectation effects it has on men and boys and the pressure to be sexy/sexually accommodating/sexually available in a particular way that porn forces upon girls and women.This article has a different take on the subject. Normally I would disregard an article like this because it is crawling with sweeping generalizations about the innate nature of humans - which is a huge pet peeve of mine. However, I felt like this article came from an honest place, and I feel like its harsh resigning tone is worth looking at.

The author asserts 3 things to begin with. 1. The content of pornography has become increasingly varied due to the ease of creation and distribution available on the internet. 2.What was once seen as deviant is now run of the mill (double anal, incest simulations, gang-bangs), and this variety has also become more common in the bedroom. She backed this by citing a study showing  increase in anal sex over the last 18 years. 3. Men's fantasies have always included this deviant behavior. It is just now since porn is so easily made and distributed that porn can reflect the depths of the male mind. This is counter to the more mainstream assumption that porn, being that it is a consumer product fueled by profits, has been pushed by producers to include ever more deviant actions. These depictions then affect what people see and understand to be sexual fantasies.

This 3rd assertion might seem a bit like splitting hairs, but the two viewpoints have a main difference. The mainstream viewpoint assumes that men create the specifics of their sexual desire and tastes largely through the experiences they have throughout their lives - consumption of porn would be one of these factors. So, in this case, our culture could create more men who are sexually respectful to women by changing how sex is depicted, taught, and experienced. The author's view assumes that male sexuality is inborn - there from birth, and that it has a domineering and somewhat dark aspect that our culture and particularly feminists are not willing to accept. She believes that a long world history of male sexual domination and aggression backs this up.

It's important to point out that Vargas-Cooper and most people who discuss this topic are coming from the notion that, although not true of all porn, there is a distinct element of depicted degradation of the female actresses in much of the hardcore internet porn. She sees this degradation as simply part of the innate male sexuality that cannot be eliminated. At best it can be partially suppressed through social moral standards, and internet porn has cracked wide open the standards that used to hold the floodgates of male sexuality.

"While sexual aggression and the desire to debase women may not be what arouse all men, they are certainly an animating force of male sexuality. They may be unattractive and even, if taken to extremes, dangerous, but they’re not, perhaps alas, deviant. Leaving aside for the moment the argument that some things that might be sordid and even ugly can also be arousing and satisfying, the main problem with the new anti-porn critics is their naive assumption that if only we could blot out Internet porn, then the utopia of sexual equality would be achieved. But equality in sex can’t be achieved. Internet porn exposes that reality; it may even intensify that reality; it doesn’t create it."

The rest of the content in the article is largely related to exploring this, in her opinion, more realistic