Orgasm Inequality Ain't Due To Lady-parts Being Weird

Someone posted a link to this article called 12 Reasons Why There's Orgasm Inequality (And No, It's Not That Women Are 'Harder To Please'), and I said Hallelujah, Sister Suzannah Weiss! Speak that truth, speak that damn truth! The female orgasm is not a mystery.

So, if you read my blog, you know that I believe deep, deep in my soul that there is a New Sexual Revolution on its way, and you know I think it has to be based in Orgasm Equality. You also know I've been collecting articles and people and things out there that seem to reflect the stirrings of this revolution. I call it the Orgasm Equality Allies List, and Suzannah Weiss and her on-point article were immediately added to that, because she laid it the hell down, and I love it.

Honestly, her message as a whole was simple. Women are orgasming less than men not because females are biologically less capable of orgasm, but because our sexual culture is toxic to the female orgasm. She goes on to point out some of the ways our culture inhibits lady-gasms, but that's the basics. The thing is, it is actually a quite simple concept, but that toxic sexual culture is so deeply ingrained in us as people it's hard to see it clearly, and it makes the discussion incredibly complicated. In fact it's so complicated and so ingrained that it's kinda hard to speak about because you first need to convince people that a problem even exists to begin with. She does a fantastic job, though, and tackles some of the really important sticking points of this topic quite well.

It's a fantastic, poignant, brave article, and I highly recommend you check it out. Here's a quick couple of my fave things about it.

1 She has none of the orgasm-isn't-the only-important-part-of-sex talking point that often get brought up in these conversations and ends up dumping a big cold bucket of water on any interesting discussion about women's right for orgasmic sex with a simple, to the point line.
"Orgasm doesn’t have to be the focus of sex, but if a woman wants one, she should have as much of a right to request it as anyone else does."
2 She points out the many-faced issues that pop up with 1-1 interactions that keep orgasm inequality strong.

The lack of interest from (some although not all) men in trying to get a woman to orgasm, the pressure women feel to make sure men orgasm, the privilege men feel about their right to orgasm, and the ingrained insecurities women feel about their own capability for and right to orgasm. It's a hot mix of trouble, I tell ya, and she touches on all of it.

3 She also acknowledges how incredibly tricky and persistent this whole thing:
"Orgasm inequity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When men believe women’s bodies are an impossible puzzle, they don’t try to solve it. Neither do women who are taught their own pleasure is inaccessible."

Seriously, when I read great stuff like this, it excites the hell out of me, and I feel like I'm seeing more and more stuff like this. One, it tells me that I'm not that crazy - because although I know this really is an issue and an important one, sometimes it gets to feeling like it's too big and too few people are willing to see it. So, it feels awesome to be reminded that there are women all over who are feeling this inequity and are able to verbalize what they are feeling. Two - I just love that there is one more thing out there in the world that is realistic and thoughtful on this topic to counteract the silly, inaccurate bullshit that makes up the vast majority of writing on female sexuality.

Keep grinding away, Suzannah Weiss - You're doing the good work!


What Does Dr. Phil Say about Female Orgasm???? I Knew You'd Want to Know.

I thought some of you might be wondering what the world's most well-known living psychologist has to say about the female orgasm. So, because I care, I googled "dr. phil female orgasm," and immediately found his female orgasm page. It kinda sucks, but it's also kinda not the most craziest or outta wack advice. It's pretty close to what a lot of others are saying, but I will say it has a bit more emphasis than usual on the 'your lack of orgasm is definitely a personal problem' situation, which is fairly annoying. I'll let him talk, though.

Research shows that 90 percent of the problems women have in achieving orgasm stem from a psychological nature. That's good news because it's all about you and it can be overcome. Dr. Phil offers the following advice:
  • If you can achieve an orgasm alone, but not with a partner, you may have performance anxiety.
  • Being anxious, worried or feeling pressured to have an orgasm with your partner can work against you. Anxiety is an arousal response — it can cause tension. An orgasm is a relaxation response. Those two are incompatible.
  • If you're wondering, "Am I doing this right? Is he judging me? Is he having fun? Does he like this?" during intercourse, the anxiety can take you away from your pleasure.
  • Give yourself permission to change your internal dialogue. Say, "You know what? I am part of this exchange and I do have the right to ask for what I want. And I don't have to have expectancies that I have to perform in some way. I'm going to enjoy this." Give yourself permission to relax and go with the flow.

Okay, so let me just make a couple quick points:
  • Wouldn't put money on the '90% of women's orgasm problems are psychological' thing. There's no citations here, and I'm just gonna be frank - it really doesn't make much sense.
  • It's bullshit to jump straight to personal psychological issues. Women as a whole engage in an unfortunately ridiculous amount of sexual interactions that in no way involve stimulating their main organ of sexual pleasure - the clit. It's a reality that would seem simply preposterous if it were switched. Men having as many sexual acts that don't involve their penis as women do that don't involve their clit is unheard of. Given that there is clearly a widespread and under-discussed problem associated with not stimulating the appropriate genital areas, maybe that should be the most prominently considered thing on websites about helping women achieve orgasm.
  • Still, there is an important psychological element that needs to be considered, but I would argue a huge component of that stems from the above problem about too much sex with too little clit lovin'. Women do engage in a lot of sex throughout their lives that doesn't involve orgasm, so it is not crazy to think that female bodies learn to become aroused during sexual interactions with much more trepidation than male bodies. I mean if your body and mind only associate the beginning parts of sex with an eventual orgasm 70%, 50%, 30% of time or less, then the mind and body might start associating sex with a chore instead of something that is sexually arousing. Where there is no arousal, there is no orgasm, so psychologically training yourself to start associating sex with sexual arousal again could be important, but let's be clear here - that would include beginning to have physically more arousing sex on a more every-single-time kinda basis than was being had before, so the physical element is still quite important. 
  • I agree that anxiety takes away from pleasure. In particular, anxiety can inhibit the physical process of sexual arousal, and since the orgasm is a release of the muscle tension and blood pooling brought on by arousal, then no arousal, no orgasm. Also, his second statement about anxiety, arousal, orgasm and relaxation uses those words in really confusing ways. Although I think I understand what was meant by it, and it seems fine, I would just ignore that one. 
  • I completely agree that giving one's self permission to enjoy sex, to really be part of the activities, and to ask for what one wants is super important. I also love the idea that one should rid themselves of expectancies  about performing a certain way. Love it. However, I really think all of that advice turns into useless shit if there is not proper understanding among both people about how women orgasm and about how huge of a wall our culture has created blocking that understanding.
  • I'd say that first one this way.  If you can achieve an orgasm alone, but not with a partner, it's probably because you are rubbing your clitoral/vuvla area when you masturbate and getting your vagina boned when you have sex. 

Dr. Phil's statements are followed by information from a few other sources, and actually there's a bit more talk about the importance of the clit there. However, as with pretty much all sex advice, taken all together it seems like the clit is just an extra thing that the unlucky among us must utilize to get the orgasms we should be getting from our vag's - and that's bullshit.


5 Post-1940's Period Pieces #DirectedByWomen !!!!

I started doing this categorized List of 5 movies thing where I showcase movies that were directed by women and that I have actually seen. It all started during the Directed By Women Worldwide Viewing Party in September, and it was pretty fun, so I've continued doing it from time to time.

It's a bit off-topic from my normal fare, ya know, not usually about lady-gasms or anything like that, but I think it fits the blog because
1. this blog is also about indie movie-making, and
2. this blog is partially about getting the female perspective of sexuality into our media. So, to me, supporting female voices in our media - means we're creating more room for female voices to speak on all types of things, which sometimes will be sex, orgasms and sexuality. You can find all my 5-movie lists HERE.

So...this is my Post-1940's Period Piece List - for if you like seeing women in skirts, but not like necessarily full length skirts. Enjoy these on the downtime of your Winter Break.

1 Selma - This was directed by Ava DuVernay. This is a fabulous movie. If you haven't seen it, you should get to it.

2 The Notorious Bettie Page - This was directed by Mary Harron. Ever been to a bar that, for no apparent reason at all really, had old films with pin-up style models getting tied up and stuff like that playing on the TVs. I have, and at least one of those women was probably Bettie Page.

3 Eve's Bayou - This was directed by Kasi Lemmons. I can't remember the specifics of this - I saw it over 15 years ago, but I remember liking it a lot, and I remember the feeling of the Bayou setting, kind of dark and lush and mysterious and hot.

4 Across the Universe - This was directed by Julie Taymor. I actually saw this movie because Charlie and I were teaching a college class about movies, and the students all picked one to do a final paper on. A lovely gal named Lindsey chose this one, and obviously we have to watch them all to grade them there papers.

5 Talk To Me - This one is directed by Kasi Lemmons also. I'm doubling up on her for this list. This is a great movie that should have received even more praise and attention than it did. You may have missed it back in 2007, but check it now for sure.


Lady-bation is Downright Peachy Keen

Hello! Ms. Gilly Langley held true to her top-notch promoting and connecting powers and introduced me to an AB FAB post about female orgasm. It's simply called, Can we talk about female orgasm. please? and it's at a site called Peachy Keen.

It's fan-fucking-tastic. Let me count the ways.

10  It acknowledges that lots of women have no flippin' clue how to get themselves off, but it doesn't shame or blame us ladies for this seemingly grand ignorance. Instead it rightly looks toward larger aspects of our sexual culture.

9 It points out that movies give dudes a pretty good idea about how to actually masturbate (ya know, hand actions, lube, noises, etc.) and just plain doesn't for gals.

8 It appreciates porn, but knows that porn, bless its little male heart, does not help anyone learn how an actual female orgasm might happen.

7 It brought up the whole, sticking-fingers-up-your-lady-junk-is-supposed-to-make-you-come fallacy that permeates our collective sexual consciousness much too strongly, and lets us know that this fallacy can, sadly, deter ladies from masturbating.

6 It brings up the following food for thought about ladies using their own hands to masturbate.
 ...(Correct me if I’m wrong) I think most of us would rather own up to having used a vibrator or a sex toy to climax than our own fingers. Are we ashamed of our own ability to get ourselves off? We shouldn’t be, it’s like a mini victory every time I do. I have to stop myself from putting my t-shirt over my head and doing a circuit of the bedroom. So why are we happier to admit that a toy helped us get off than an essential part of our own bodies? 
Which is super cool because Peachy Keen is a site that sells sex toys

5 ...but it's not, like, hating on vibrators or anything either.
I’m going to blame/praise Sex and the City and the rise of the Rampant Rabbit for that one. Don’t get me wrong, if females are having orgasms and masturbating when before they couldn’t then that’s amazing!!! But let’s not neglect the importance and everyday popularity of masturbation without toys.
4  And it really just lets us know that however we get the job done, is fine - no worries.
Just know that if you use your fingers to give yourself an orgasm and you’re not sure if you’re normal or not, you are. If you don’t do this but want to then give it a go. It might not happen the first time, or the tenth time but practise makes perfect. 
If you do it with a toy or a different way like a duvet or a stuffed toy or whatever then that’s fine and normal too. Trust me. 
Just remember that it’s a pretty useful skill to have or fall back on so that you can direct your partner to what you like or make it through uni. 
3 It gives great praise and recommendation for @OhJoySexToy, a really lovely comic series that I've been wanting to blog about for a while. I love seeing cool people hype each other, and I love that the particular comic  (http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/masturbate/) it recommends is about explaining to women how to masturbate - cause as Peachy Keen clearly understands, we NEED more of that.

2 It makes a call for action that is simple yet incredibly important to the ol' Orgasm Equality Revolution:
So ultimately, if you feel comfortable doing so, I would highly recommend talking to your girl mates about masturbation. Use wine. You will have some awesome and some awkward conversations. It will reassure you and perhaps educate.
1 It's just so F'in revolutionary and on-point from top to bottom. Magniiiiifico!

Anyway, this site - Peachy Keen - seems pretty cool. They are a sex toy site essentially, but they have a good philosophy and so forth (read more HERE). Unfortunately, they only currently deliver to the UK, but check them out anyway - they have recommendations. Anybody promoting female orgasm and masturbation in such bad-ass ways are okay with me - in fact they are so okay that I will put them right smack dab on the Orgasm Equality Allies List.


Masters and Johnson Research Footage at The Kinsey Institute

This is my second in the WHAT I FOUND AT THE KINSEY INSTITUTE LIBRARY! series. This time I'll be talking about the film made by Masters and Johnson called simply, Female Orgasm (and can I say that this title was in lovely, kinda bubbly font with a bit of a glow - very enjoyable). I'm super excited about this one, because it's a pretty cool piece of history. Close-up detailed films like these were what M&J used to make their observations. They could pause, slow down, and really look at the details of contractions, size changes, color changes and all that. Eventually their team would create technology to film the inside of the vagina during the sexual cycle using a steady clear dildo, and then later that technology would be adjusted so that the dildo could continue to film while moving in and out at the woman's whim (It was mechanical and they called it Ulysses). Anyway, they were always tight about their raw data and later in her life Johnson is said to have destroyed it all, from both their research and their long-running couple's therapy institute. This is just an exhibition film and not really a look at their raw data, but it's as close as one can get at this point, I guess. So, pretty cool, still.

It's no more than 15 minutes, and it basically shows research footage of 1 woman (the woman in the genital parts may be different than the one in the non-genital parts, but I can't be sure, and there are no faces) as her body moves through the sexual response cycle. In between sections of the research footage, there are somewhat long written explanations about what the viewer will see and what part of the response cycle the woman is in.

pretend Virginia Johnson (from Masters of Sex) looking at some research footage 

Now, to say that we watched a film is not right. We watched a DVD that was, just that day, transferred from a VHS tape that had at some point (likely during a time that VHS tapes were popular) transferred from film. So...as is to be expected, let's just say it wasn't the best quality. Particularly the color was terrible, and there was a fair amount of discussion in the movie about color changes that I could maybe barely see.

Okay, so after the title card, was written the following:
"The investigation of the anatomical and physiological changes associated with artificially induced orgasm in the female subject has been undertaken by the department of obstetrics and gynecology of Washington University School of Medicine, St. Louis, Missouri."
With "artificially induced orgasm" meaning masturbation. Kind of an annoying way to put that, but M&J were always very intercourse focused, even when their research showed clearly that women need outer clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and intercourse was a terrible way to get it...but hey, they did good research despite their over zealous interest in intercourse.

The non-genital footage
Anyway, the first part focuses on the breasts, torso, neck and back. A dude narrates during the footage, and I assume it is Masters, but again, I can't really know. The woman is shown sometimes from front, profile or back, and her face is always off camera. It focused a lot on the flush that emerges, but like I said, the coloring of the video didn't allow me to see that very well. I will also point out here that this was a fair white woman and most of M&J research was on white people, so their discussion of skin coloring changes in their book came from that point of view. That lack of darker skinned participants, I would say, was a weakness in their descriptions of the "sex flush" color change situation.

Anyway, I think the coolest thing I saw there was how much her breasts filled out during the arousal process. I probably wouldn't have noticed if it weren't pointed out because it's gradual, but man they really swelled. If I remember correctly from the book, M&J actually found that the swelling of the breasts was more prominent in women who had given birth...or it's the other way around...but it's generally more prominent in one group over the other.

The genital footage
Then the coolest part is at the end where we are looking close-up at the vulva. The clit and the hand that was stimulating it in a circular motion the whole time is out of frame and so is the anus below. The screen is mostly encompassing the vaginal hole, being held open with a speculum. We are eye to eye with the vag looking right into it. I'll be honest, all the pinks and reds of this area were just running together. The picture had become soft over the years and transfers, and it was not easy to see things that were being pointed out. For instance, the vaginal lubrication appearing on the vaginal wall in a "sweat bead" like situation was not really easy to see and the elongation of the vaginal barrel was also hard to see. However, when she came, the rhythmic muscular activity around the outer 1/3 of the vagina was clear as day, and that was pretty cool to see.

Then it ended, and I wish there were more of their research videos in existence, but 'tis not the case.


5 Pre-1950's Period Pieces #DirectedByWomen !!!

I started doing this categorized List of 5 movies thing where I showcase movies that were directed by women and that I have actually seen. It all started during the Directed By Women Worldwide Viewing Party in September, and it was pretty fun, so I've continued doing it from time to time. It's not usually about lady-gasms or anything like that, but I think it fits the blog because 1. this blog is also about indie movie-making, and 2. this blog is partially about getting the female perspective of sexuality into our media. So, to me, supporting female voices in our media - means we're creating more room for female voices to speak on all types of things, which sometimes will be sex, orgasms and sexuality. You can find all my lists HERE.

This is my pre-1950's Period Piece list - for when you want to look at women in long dresses.

1 Suffragette - This was directed by Sarah Gavron. I caught this in the theaters not too long ago, and I really enjoyed it. It's a quite pretty movie, and it has a simplicity to it that I really appreciated.

2 Frida - This was directed by Julie Taymor. I saw this in the theaters back when it came out in '02. Love Frida Kahlo, and loved this movie.

3 Little Women - This was directed by Gillian Armstrong. I'll be honest. I watched this movie instead of reading the book my freshman year in high school. Well, I think I read some of the book, but then I just stopped. I probably had to make a diorama or something stupid like that for the related project so it didn't really matter if I read the book or not - and I prefer movies.

4 The Piano - This was directed by Jane Campion. Let me be honest about this one too. I haven't seen it all the way through. Back in 1993 when my parents had rented it, I snuck into the living room late at night and fast forwarded the video tape until I saw the part everyone had been talking about - Harvey Keitel's limp dick. It was not as exciting as my young heart had hoped, but it was a dick, so it was cool enough. since then I have seen more of it, but not all the way through. I vow to watch it all someday.

5 Marie Antoinette - This was directed by Sofia Coppola. This is on my top fave movie list. I know it didn't get good reviews when it came out. Critics gave it a lot of shit, but that's a bunch of bull, and they're wrong. So...that's that (if you need to discuss this further, please do let me know).


Carly Rosenfield is Right to Want Better Sex in Movies, By God!

Man, oh man, Ms. Carly Rosenfield is darn right: We Need Better Sex in Movies. Her article is named, appropriately, just that. She is advocating for more thoughtful, realistic, and responsible depictions of both sex and violence, and she focuses in on the MPAA ratings as big part of what keeps sex and violence depictions so skewed and backward in our movies.

For instance, there can be as much killing as you want in a movie and you can get a PG-13 rating...as long as there's no blood. So basically tons of tidy, easy to watch death in a movie is fine for a 13 year old, but as soon as you add all the messiness and harsh consequences that come with it shooting automatic weapons into a crowd, well then only 17 year olds can see that. It's silly really.

But let's get back to the sex stuff. Her gripe, and as she points out the same gripe in the fabulous documentary This Film is Not Yet Rated, is that things that are not hetero-centric and male pleasure based are often given ridiculously harsher ratings than seems anywhere near sensible given the kinds of ratings other movies get...and getting an NC-17 over an R, is a HUGE deal, actually. Basically people distribute R-rated movies, allow R-rated movies in their theater, and people see R-rated movie. So, because the MPAA influences what types of sex get R and which types of sex get NC-17, it also influences what kinds of sex feel normal (male masturbation, but not so much female masturbation for instance) because that's the kind of sex we mostly see.
"These ratings both reflect and perpetuate the societal trend that, in many cases, males are allowed to be comfortable with, even proud of, their sexuality while females are not." 
"In mainstream movies, this rejection of female sexuality often translates into sex scenes centered around male pleasure, or in which penetration, which for many women does not alone result in an orgasm, is the primary or only activity."
Ms. Rosenfield is on point about this, and she gets even deeper on point and quite boldly Orgasm Equality revolutionized, honest, and bad-aasicle in the following passage.
What concerns me is the way in which these scenes teach young people about sex...People thus establish expectations for themselves and their partners that are unrealistic, which perpetuate both heteronormativity and gender normativity, and which prevent them from being free to explore and learn from each other in ways that are pleasurable to both. As a cis-woman, I cannot and will not presume to know the male experience of these mass media portrayals, but I think that if I were a male who had grown up watching these films and television shows, I would likely believe that the penis going into the vagina equals (heterosexual[1]) sex and not much else matters, and would either feel inadequate if my partner did not derive pleasure from this or not be terribly concerned, because it must be their problem, right? Similarly, as a female, it was not until being in relationships with women and exploring queer culture that I learned that sex could be anything different.
Love this. She's so right about how strongly media depictions can influence our expectations of ourselves and our partners when it comes to how sex should work. Not every lady has moved from male to female partners like she has, but the feeling that there was a time of realizing that "sex could be anything different" is an unfortunately common experience for women, Just think about that for a minute.

She wraps it up pretty nicely. It's super complicated, but awareness and talking about this stuff is a huge first step for change.
So, what can we do? I’m not entirely sure. I think it’s a start though to be aware of the problems of representation in our society, and the fact that these skewed representations are both a cause and an effect in a vicious cycle of stereotypes and shame. Question everything you see, and be aware of the empty spaces in between: what we have been prevented from seeing
I'm adding Ms. Carly Rosenfield to the Orgasm Equality Hero List because I love the thoughtfulness of her writing about what media depictions of sex can mean to our real sex lives, and I love her honesty. This was written a couple years back when, I think, she was still in college, and I think she's off in the world doing other cool things now besides writing on blogs, so I hope she sees this one day and knows she's awesome.


A Super Progressive 1961 Book! Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida Found at the Kinsey Institute

This is my first in the WHAT I FOUND AT THE KINSEY INSTITUTE LIBRARY! series. It's about a book I found there called Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida, and it blew my mind at how before its time it was. I'd never heard of it before, and when I just did a Google search for it, the only entries about it were in the catalog at the National Library of the Czech Republic and in the catalog at Indiana University (where I found it 'cause that's where the Kinsey Institute is).

It has a date of 1961, and it said it had been translated from Japanese, but it didn't really get any more info about the publishing than that. Here's the table of contents.

Notice the "NO WOMAN IS FRIGID" and the "FEMALE MASTURBATION" chapter. Two of my very favorite things. Seriously though, this book was boldly and clearly making the point that women are no less able to orgasm than men and no more in need of psychological over physical stimulation than men. It made no bones about the fact that women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm and that intercourse was not good a good way to get that. It even straight up said that people do sex in a way that's good for dudes, not women.  I didn't read the whole thing. I skimmed relevant chapters, but it still blew the top of my head off.

 It was feminist, progressive, and it's even pretty on point about the physical things involved in orgasm - like discussing muscle spasm in the vagina and anus. It references The Kinsey Report on Female Sexuality quite a bit, and although that book clearly talks about how females masturbate more than was thought and discussed the importance of clitoral stimulation for women, it certainly doesn't put it all together as clearly or speak as boldly as this Japanese book does. It was also a good 5 years before Masters and Johnson released their studies on the physical parts of female sexual response, yet this Japanese book speaks about the muscle spasms of orgasm and the utter necessity of clitoral stimulation in a surprisingly similar way.

Dude, this book is an amazing find. It is saying all the things that still - even to this day - need to be said. It was crazy progressive in its time, and it's still progressive for this time. I can't give you the whole book to read, so I took some pictures of some pages that you can check out below, and here's a few progressive-ass quotes. Enjoy.
"The disillusionment a woman feels in her sexual life, every time her anticipation is frustrated, will sooner or later cause her to regard sex with aversion and although she has no defect in herself she comes to be regarded as frigid". p.16  
"The clitoris is the most sensitive of erogenous zones in a woman and is exclusively concerned with sexual pleasure." p.48 
"Most of the cases of female frigidity are due to the lack or the inadequacy of stimulation of this organ." p. 49 (speaking of the clitoris. of course) 
"For men, sexual intercourse means orgasm, which can be easily and surely attained at every coitus...For women sexual intercourse do not always end in orgasm. In spite of their essential superiority to men in their speed and endurability of response and the intensity of sexual sense, women are traditionally obliged to submit docily to sexual customs established for the most part by men." p.71

The Intro - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961

Page 16 - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961

Page 26 - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961

Page 48 - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961

Page 50 - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961

Page 51 - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961

Page 52 - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961

Page 72 - Female Sexual Response by Hiroshi Yoshida 1961


Gilly Langley - Thanks for All the Orgasm Equlity-ing

Generally, the people I add to the Orgasm Equality Allies List are bloggers and authors and stuff. It's a bias because, ya know,it's easy to read articles and all that - they're just out there on the internet waiting to be read and all. But, there are tons of other people out there doing the good work of orgasm equality. I'm certainly missing TONS of them revolution-making ladies out there having deep, honest orgasm conversations with their friends and speaking up when they hear someone spouts shitty information. I know there's tons of moms and dads out there that are talking about clits and informing their kids about the physical truths of male AND female orgasm. And undoubtedly, there are couples that work to include female pleasure and orgasm more fully in their sexual relationship: women who find the courage to rock the boat, and men who give them the room to do so. There's a lot of Sexual Revolution going on out there in the world, but I'm sadly not able to put most of them on my Orgasm Equality Hero list...because I don't know them, and even if I did, they probably don't actually want to be on my list.

However, what I realized recently, is that I do know someone who is not necessarily writing a blog or anything, but is rocking Orgasm Equality like a goddamn boss - Ms. Gilly Langley!!!

I e-met her close to 2 years ago, I think, and get ready - 'cause this will blow your damn mind - she hosted the First UK screening of Science, Sex and the Ladies, which I was super psyched about. I mean, she was bringing SSL worldwide!

Here's the real thing though. She's a Twitter mama, and she's slinging that social media to intentionally and consistently share the good word on Cliteracy, Orgasm Equality. and lady-gasm rights. AND this, I think, is the most awesome part. She always be tryin' her best to bring people together. Twitter-ducing people to people who might like eachother's work or who are on the same page about something. She's like some amazing magnet or glue or something that brings people together and raised everyone up. I love this lady. Plus, she's kicking ass on all kinds of other activist work, and I can only imagine crushing the family and work things too, 'cause I think that's how she rolls (most of the time at least).

Here's to you Gilly Langley - keep churnin' that revolution!...and welcome to the Orgasm Equality Heroes list!


5 Christmas Movies #DirectedByWomen For Your Holiday Enjoyment

I started doing this categorized List of 5 movies thing where I showcase movies that were directed by women and that I have actually seen. It all started during the Directed By Women Worldwide Viewing Party in September, and it was pretty fun, so I've continued doing it from time to time. It's not usually about lady-gasms or anything like that, but I think it fits the blog because 1. this blog is also about indie movie-making, and 2. this blog is partially about getting the female perspective of sexuality into our media. So, to me, supporting female voices in our media - means we're creating more room for female voices to speak on all types of things, which sometimes will be sex, orgasms and sexuality. You can find all my lists HERE.

Today's will be Christmas Movies. So get some hot chocolate, some popcorn and enjoy these holiday treats.

1 Preacher's Wife - This was directed by the good ol' Penny Marshall. I was supposed to go see this movie on one of my first dates with Charlie, but we ended up making out in my car instead. So, I didn't actually see it till years later. It's a sweet one.

2 Mixed Nuts - This was directed by Nora Ephron. What can I say? A wacky ensemble Christmas movie. You may have forgotten about this one or never seen it, but remember it for your Christmas movie night festivities this year.

3 Black Nativity - This was directed by Kasi Lemmons. I'm a sucker for a good, kind, Christmas movie, and this one certainly delivered.

4 Frozen - This movie was directed by Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck. I'm counting this as a Christmas movie due to all the snow and the snowman and all that. I think it counts.

5 The Holiday - This was Directed by Nancy Meyers. Granted, I didn't give this one a good SSL Review, but I enjoyed the movie in general. SSL Reviews and regular reviews often don't match up - that's just the way of it. Seriously though, I highly recommend this one for a cool Saturday afternoon in December.



On-Point Discussion About Better Sex Ed In the Muslim American Community

Searching through Twitter as I do, I found an article by Sarah Harvard called A Young Muslim Woman Details How Her Parents Avoided The Sex Talk: And Why That Needs To Change In Her Culture. It's a thoughtful read in Teen Vogue, and it's pretty funny too. Seriously - check it out and check out some of Sarah's other writing too.

She talks about her own familial and cultural experiences of silence (and when inevitably forced into their lives -awkwardness and shame) in regards to sex and puberty. But, she also talks about how the Qu'ran does not reflect this same silence and reminds the reader that young Muslim Americans' experiences in the future don't have to be like hers. The article ends with this:
Islam, like many other religions, is frank about sex. It’s a part of our livelihood as human beings, and while many of the older generations are culturally keen to sexual repression, it’s up to the next generation — our generation — of Muslim Americans to encourage a healthy, positive, and religiously compliant attitude towards sex. How can we do that? Easy — let's just talk about sex.

I love that she took time to write about this subject. She largely writes about politics, Islam, and world events (I've been creeping through all her stuff). She's creating important work about large issues with a fresh young voice, and I think it's poignant that this lack in her sexual education seemed important enough for her to discuss. This is the kind of honest and hopeful article that I love to feature in this blog, particularly because the author pointed out some specifics about her lack of education that I think is incredibly important .
As Wajahat Ali pointed out in The Guardian, Muslim Americans are forced to go 0 to 100 real quick when it comes to sexual activity. We’re forced to cover our eyes when there’s a kissing scene on television — despite the fact it’s an everyday occurrence in middle and high school. We're then expected to get married in our early 20s and 30s, and bear two to four children soon after without even knowing what foreplay is or how to find our clitorises. (For example, I didn't know what a clitoris was until freshman year of college.)
The clitoris is the organ of female sexual pleasure. Stimulation of the clitoral/vulva area is necessary for orgasm, and intercourse is a terribly inefficient way to get there. The author mentioning that she didn't know what a clitoris was until college is both unfortunate, and at the same time, an extremely common experience.  It's a poignant example of how much silence and ignorance about the clit and thus the female orgasm exists. It's not unique to immigrant Muslim American families. It's a larger cultural phenomenon, but I can only imagine that there is a strength, a depth, and a quality to the silence in that community that is quite unique. In fact, I imagine all different communities have unique hurdles and hang-ups when it comes to fighting the silence and ignorance on the topic. Happily married hetero people probably need to hear different things than single lesbians, and different religions and races and age groups and people from different parts of the world and of the country would probably find a more inspiring discussion of the subject, at least at first, with people speaking on it honestly within their own community. So, I love that Sarah Harvard spoke on it and has put the call out to her community to speak about it. It is a simple but an efficient way to begin change for the better

People like Sarah Harvard are exactly the types that will inspire Orgasm Equality change in a wider population. She's not a sexologist, internet sexpert, sexual health worker, or sex-positive advocate. She's just a woman talking honestly about her experiences and hopes. She didn't have to speak up, but she did anyway, and that's why I'm adding her to the Orgasm Equality Allies List. Keep bein' awesome Sarah Harvard.

***P.S. Sarah's last quote up there reminds me of Sophia Wallace's Cliteracy Law #30 "Terrorism is having sex your whole adult life, giving birth to 6 children and never experiencing an orgasm." Because, I mean that's a possible outcome of the situation she described up there, isn't it?...and that isn't any fun for a woman or the man she's making children with. I'm with Sarah - I think we can do better.


First Got Horny 2 U: The SSL Review (aka I Love This Revolutionary AF Skit)

Um...I just saw the recent Saturday Night Live with Elizabeth Banks. You know how SNL kinda goes up and down? Well, I tell ya, I'm feeling good about his crew. They were killin' it. It was full of good shit...and then, like the light of sweet jesus engulfing my being into paradise, I saw the following skit:

It's called First Got Horny 2 U, and I just about flipped my lid when I saw it...Uh, depictions of teen girls with desire and sexual autonomy? Yes, thank you. Adolescent ladies masturbating in wierd awkward adolescent ways? Well yes, of course I'll have some of that too. Insinuations of insertion along with my masturbation? No, of course not, but you already knew that didn't you ladies of SNL?

That Skit is Revolutionary as Fuck

Seriously, it was so perfect. The masturbation was so awkward, but it was ON POINT. It was all about getting some friction on the outer parts of that little lady junk. It shouldn't be so amazing that the masturbation depictions were done with some actual realism, that there wasn't insinuations about cucumbers and self-finger-banging and stuff like that, but yet it is amazing because it's almost unheard of.  This was a bad-ass, revolutionary little skit. It might not seem that way, because it's just one skit, but a lot of people saw it, and it's something that people just don't see. It will be remembered, and it will change things and inspire a different ways of depicting and talking about girls. It will change how girls see themselves and how boys see girls.

How many little 13 year old girls watched that in their pj's in their friend's basement and awkwardly laughed because it hit too close to home. That is important shit because it normalized the fuck out of all the things that have been traditionally stigmatized so harshly for teen girls - unabashed sexual desire, masturbation, and sexually touching yourself in a way that doesn't look like intercourse.

That last one is wierd, but important because we girls learn from early on that sex involves sticking things up our vag, which is super unhelpful for learning anything about our orgasms. If we did masturbate as adolescents, we probably felt wierd about it because when we really thought about it, our outer genital stimulation that we used during masturbation didn't quite jive with what we knew would happen one day when we actually started having sex. If we didn't masturbate, we never learned what actually made us orgasm, and continued not learning about our orgasm through all the PinV sex we would eventually have. Hell, it could've been years of doin' it before we ever orgasmed. EVER.

I can't even imagine how that skit would have affected my 13 year-old self. Rubbing up against my stuffed animal in my bed looked a lot like Cecily Strong wiggling on top of that pillow at the end, and I sure as hell never saw any depiction or insinuation about female masturbation that seemed anything like that until I was well into adulthood, and barely so even then. I mean I still masturbated...a lot...even without depictions to legitimize my choices, but what if 13-year-old me knew for sure that cool actresses understood my circumstances in the same way boys can be certain by watching any number of comedy bits, teen movies, and tv that cool actors understand their masturbation/horniness circumstances? That would change things...it will change things.

The Formal SSL Review

I'm going to do a formal SSL Review because this video has depictions/discussion of female orgasm and/or masturbation, so let's get into it real quick. I rate on realism and what it contributes to the cultural understanding.

In the skit Infinity + 5 is a 90's style pop group including Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon, Elizabeth Banks, Vanessa Bayer, and Aidy Bryant. The song is about the people who they first got truly horny to, and all 5 of the women tell their stories.

Not all the stories specifically talked about/insinuated masturbating, but 3 did, one with a mention of orgasm. The rest were just about how horny they felt.

1) Cecily Strong sang, "I got up on the couch and I knocked my first one out." And by god she did. She climbed on top, laid down with her legs straddling it, and grinded against it. Although she said she orgasmed, that part wasn't depicted. (This was right at the beginning, and I for real jumped up off the couch with my hands in the air when it happened). There was also an absolutely fabulous shot of her in front of her couch laying face down on the ground, with a couch pillow under her crotch area and moving side to side. She's watching Carson Daily on TV and her father causally walks into the background, sees her and promptly walks right back out - Gold, I tell ya GOLD!

2) Vanessa Bayer, had a shot where she was sitting with her magazine with Lyle and Eric Menendez (that's who her firsts were) on the edge of the tub, and she looks up to the removable showerhead, and I think we all know what that mean, amIright?

3) Then Aidy Bryant sang, "I would sit on my hands and scoot - to a man in a dinosaur suit." Hers was the cool son from Dinosaurs, and we do see her sitting on her hands and scooting, getting that awkward teen clit friction. It was fabulous.

This skit realistically, though appropriately awkwardly, portrayed masturbation through outer vulva/clit stimulation. Plus, for all the reasons I discussed above, it was daring, progressive, revolutionary, and funny to boot. Infinity + 5 gets a strong 5 vulva rating.


P.S. I'm going to add Infinity + 5 onto the Orgasm Equality Hero List because that skit is the kind of comedy that can really change things. I'm adding them as Infinity + 5 because I want to include all the writers and behind the scenes folks who were part of it.


The Kinsey Institute: The Mystery! The Intrigue!

I'm from Indianapolis. Indiana University is only about an hour from me. I know tons of people who've gone there. I've been there many, many times for a variety of different reasons, but I never knew where the Kinsey Institute was on campus. Granted I've never like done a big search for it or anything, but I know people who spent 4 years there who have said they don't know where it is either. It's a mysterious place, that much was clear.

But guess what? 
I went there this week, my friends, and you know what? It's not really mysterious. It's in Morrison Hall, and it says "Kinsey Institute" on the big sign out front. It's close to Jordan Hall. I admit, we got kinda lost walking back to it through the woody pathed back way after lunch, but not really that lost. It was really pretty easy to find, and if you went there for 4 years, I kinda feel like you should have seen where it was at some point.

But wait there's more
Now, you'd think I'd be disappointed that the mystery was lost, but you'd be wrong. You see, it's on the 3rd floor, so we were being all cool about it and decided to use the stairs, but guess what? NO ENTRY FROM THE STAIRS!!!! (I'm using all caps to emphasize the thrilling intrigue of it all). We had to walk down one flight and then take the elevator up. Then, we talked to the very nice receptionist there, and told her we had an appointment for the library/archives ('cause YOU NEED AN APPOINTMENT AND A RESUME AND PROOF THAT YOU'RE THERE FOR A REASON), and she told us we had to use the stairs behind us to go up to the fourth floor - BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THE ELEVATOR GOES UP THAT FAR!!!! Also we had to MANIPULATE THE DOOR A CERTAIN WAY SO THAT IT WOULD OPEN FOR US (This is my theory, actually. She gave oddly specific directions for how to go through it, and when we came back from lunch - a little late because we got a little lost - I did a quick test and made the conclusion above). DON'T DARE ASK! I WILL NEVER TELL THE SECRETS OF THE 4TH FLOOR KINSEY DOOR! Then, as we were heading up the stairs, CHARLIE SPOTTED A WEIRD 50'S BRIEFCASE IN THE STAIRWELL! We really don't know what it was for. WAS IT KINSEY'S ACTUAL BRIEFCASE THAT HE LEFT TO BE KEPT THERE IN MUSEUM-LIKE QUALITY, THE CONTENTS UNKNOWN TO THIS DAY??? Then we got to the fourth floor....AND THE GUY SHAWN THERE WAS SUPER HELPFUL AND NICE!!!! (That's kinda intriguing, right?...sometimes people aren't that helpful or nice).

But what's in it for you?
Anywho, that's what happened. It was actually super duper interesting and awesome. We spent the whole day there, and I didn't get through all the material I wanted to see, so I'm going back. However, I saw enough to start a little series called WHAT I FOUND AT THE KINSEY INSTITUTE LIBRARY!!! Some will coincide with my Journal Articles I Read Series, Some will very weirdly coincide with the SSL Review series, and others will be just little interesting tidbits.

I'm so glad I got the chance to go. I probably should have gone while I was researching for the movie SSL. It wouldn't have changed much given my particular needs, but it would have been way cool, and made a few things easier. I was also a little less confident then. At some point a long time ago, I read something that made me think I probably wouldn't get permission to go, even though I was very likely wrong about that. Instead, I just read long-ass manuscripts of Kinsey Institute round tables and found my material elsewhere. None of that matters anymore though, I have reached a little slice of heaven there, and I will enjoy and utilize it fully from now on.


The UFC fight tonight and also hoping for more love out there in the world: a random SSL post

Now, I'm gonna break from regularly scheduled programming today because, well, I just want to write about these today. One is a downer. One is an upper. Let's get the bad shit out of the way.

1 Man, yesterday sucked real bad for a lot of people: shootings and suicide bombings in Paris, a funeral bombing in Baghdad, Earthquakes in Mexico and Japan, and a suicide bombing in Beirut. My thoughts are with all of them, and I hope all the outcry makes for more living and loving and less violence and hate.

2 UFC #193 is tonight headlined with a fight between Bantamweight champ Ronda Rousey against Holly Holm. I very recently wrote a piece defending parts of Rousey's recent off-hand sex advice in Maxim, and one of the reasons I did that was because I have a soft spot for Ronda Rousey. She is a straight-up feminist AND she's straight-up top in her field, in skill and in peer admiration. I think she gets marginalized as a feminist sometimes. She and all the women in fighting sports should probably get more props in the mainstream feminist community than seems to be the case. They are crushing it in a sport that is still so heavily male centric and machismo-filled. They are hard-core, feminist revolutionaries in a field many of the internet feminist voices don't care about, but it doesn't matter because with or without them these fighters are blazing important trails.

Also, I think it's important to note that the UFC itself is part of this trailblazing. In January 2011 UFC President Dana White said there would never be women in the UFC. In November 2012 he signed Ronda Rousey. In 2014, The UFC reality show, The Ultimate Fighter was the first one to feature women and was used to crown the first Women's Strawweight Champion. All those women on there looked and acted as bad-ass and skilled as the men. It was super sweet. Men and women all over the world who had never thought about women actually wanting to do a sport where they got punched in the face, much less excelling in it, got a strong dose of reality. These women are changing minds of people who are strongly immersed in that machismo culture. These women are important to the feminist cause.

Yes, Dana White and the UFC took action for women much later than they could have, and yes they needed too much pushing to get there, but they did it, and they are treating the women in their program with all the respect they deserve. And you know what, they are promoting the fuck out of them too because they are seeing all the good it has done - for the women in their program, the women in their audience, and their bottom line. A recent article has Dana White's:
“This whole women’s power movement that’s going on right now is crazy. Ronda has been the whole thing. Ronda is the one that launched this whole thing. I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for Ronda. She’s the one that convinced me to do it, and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made,” said White during Tuesday’s UFC 193 press conference.
And of tonights events, he says:
“We’re sitting here in Melbourne, Australia, where the main event and co-main event are women with a possible 70,000-seat arena sellout. It’s never been done in the history of combat sports. It’s awesome. It’s powerful. It’s cool. I’m really glad to be apart of it.”

And now here's the reason I originally decided to write this post. The UFC created this promotion for the fight tonight, and it's pretty bad-ass. For whatever the reason, they are truly promoting their women and taking their fights seriously, and because of this, their fans will too.


Jenny Block - Check This True Blue Orgasm Equality Hero Out!

Can we talk about Jenny Block for a minute? She's so fucking on-point, and I feel terrible I haven't written specifically about her yet on this blog. Honestly, I've been meaning to write about her for a long time. I have links to some of her stuff sitting in my random drafts of blog posts. She's deemed an Orgasm Equality Hero on the ol' list I keep, but the truth is I haven't delved into a lot of her stuff yet.

However, I recently had an email interaction with her where I contacted her out of the blue about something and she wrote me right back, and was super nice. So, it reminded me I should write a post, and as I started digging around on her, I got as over the moon as I was when I first came across Sophia Wallace and her Cliteracy work. Jenny Block is bold about telling women that vaginal penetration does not a lady-gasm make. Unlike way too many other sexperts out there, she is not kinda demure and wishy-washy about it either. She's not like, "Well, most women need clitoral stimulation, but you know, every woman's different," and then goes on to talk about how doggy style is great for orgasming because the g-spot getting rammed hard enough or something like that. She's very strong in her conviction that we need to change the way we understand sex and women's place in it. She's pushin' this revolution, ya'll! I updated her entry in the Orgasm Equality Heroes list too, cause I found even better stuff.

So, since there's so much great stuff from her, I decided to list out 10 bitchin' things that Jenny Block's done to contribute to the New Sexual Revolution, Orgasm Equality, Cliteracy, and generally better sexual times for the ladies!

1 This video that was created as part of the Huffington Post Interactive Cliteracy project. 
I had seen her name before, but this is where she first really caught my eye. She's giving you the chapter of sex ed that you didn't get the first time around. One, she's a true blue collaborator with Cliteracy, so that's a plus. Two, quite accurate lines like:
"While the vagina is the female reproductive organ, the clit is the female sex organ."

Sex Education: The Missing Chapter from The Huffington Post on Vimeo.

2 She wrote a whole book about masturbation called Solo Sex: All You Need To Know About Masturbation. 
I'll be honest. I haven't read it...yet...I only have so many hours in the day, but she had me at 'masturbation.' Anyone who advocates for masturbation is a friend of mine. It gets such a bad rap. And, there's not a lot of masturbation books out there. Betty Dodson created a kick-ass one back in the day, but not many since. So thanks, Ms. Block, for giving us a modern Masturbation bible.

 This interview on HuffPost Live with Caroline Modarressy-Tehrani where Ms. Block debunks common myths about female orgasm. 
It's a good one, and she says lovely things like the following:
"If you're just doing a little bit of the ol' in and out, you're probably nowhere near the clit., and so, sex that is designed to put sperm inside of the woman's body is not necessarily designed for a woman to have an orgasm, and yet we we keep having that sex and having that sex. And I get emails all the time from women saying, 'what's wrong with me that I can't come from penetrative sex,' and I say nothing, nothing, nothing is wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with the way you're having sex."

4 The fact that she was chillin' with the badest-ass orgasm equality hero and masturbation advocate lady I can think of - Betty Dodson.

5 This list of 11 Truths We Have To Start Accepting About the Female Orgasm. 
I love it because she emphasizes external clit stimulation, but she also emphasizes doing whatever you need to do to get that orgasm.
"Having an orgasm is like going on a scavenger hunt. You look everywhere possible for it and you don't worry about how strange the places you need to look might be."
She talks about how you should sound however you need to sound, move however you need to move, think whatever you need to think, and take whatever time you need to take. This is so important because, as she also discusses, the depicted female orgasms and sex we often see is unrealistic, and we ought not try to emulate those or feel bad if we are doing things that don't seem normal.

This is the kind of realistic advice I'd like to see more of.

6 For the flip side...this list of 11 Myths We Have To Stop Believing About The Female Orgasm
I particularly loved Myths 9 and 10. She got into the subtlety about why positions might matter to orgasm, and...be still my heart...she didn't pussyfoot around about 99,9% of women needing clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm.
Myth #9: Position makes no difference when it comes to female orgasm. Position makes all the difference when it comes to orgasm, but not for the reasons you might think. It is unlikely that a woman will come from penetration alone. If she does, it will be because everything prior to that was stellar, the penetration was well-timed, and the position allows for clitoral stimulation either directly or indirectly.  
Myth #10: Penetration is the key for a woman to reach orgasm. Intercourse alone usually does not lead to orgasm. Twenty-five percent of women say they can consistently orgasm via penetration alone. Even that number may be high; most likely, those women who reported orgasm from penetration alone were experiencing some level of clitoral stimulation from the thrusting. I would argue instead that 99.9 percent of women need clitoral stimulation if they are going to reach orgasm. There are always the outliers. But we're talking about the rule here, not the exception.
7  This  interview with Josh Zepp at HuffPost live in which she lays this shit down, for real with quotes like:
"If the clit's not involved, no one's coming, nobody, I mean nobody...that's just how a woman's body works."
and she also, quite rightly, keeps it sensitive, thoughtful, and non-blamey when it comes to the ambivalence and sometimes lack of interest displayed by some men when it comes to female orgasm...and points a finger at our deeply ingrained sexual culture
"you know, to be honest I don't really blame individual men for that. I sorta blame our overview of the way we've been treating sex all along. I mean considering what's thought of as being sex, which is intercourse - which doesn't really do it for most women in terms of orgasm - it's no wonder that we've gotten to this point."

8 She wrote The book O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm:
Well, I haven't read this one yet either, but I will recommend it sight unseen given all the other writing she's done and the things she's said in interviews. Plus I appreciate the emphasis on women owning their own orgasm in the book blurb.
"No matter how much your partner is committed to your orgasm, you are the only one who can and should be responsible for your orgasm." 
This article giving Jenny Block's book a bad review...because it just makes me see more that I would probably love it. 
So, the article is not complimentary of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm, but the type of critique and what was critiqued only confirmed for me that this book is largely right on point and is strangely poignant about why advice like Block's is important and hard for people to hear. In fact, the main criticism is actually something I've found to be a favorite retort to any discussion about women being on an unequal playing field when it comes to our orgasms:

"I’m not sure how — given decades of Cosmo articles, sex manuals and the internet — Ms. Block has somehow convinced herself (and her publisher) that the vast majority of women are still walking around in total ignorance of their twats and how to use them." 

I other words, this article dismissed the book immediately with: 'There is no problem. Women don't need anything more than we already have. Why are you even talking about this?' I hear that all the time in so many different ways, but the strange part is that actually, yes, tons of women are still walking around in total ignorance of their twats and how to use them, and if the writer of this critique can't see that, then she's clearly not seeing what I am seeing. She and I have a very different perspective, 'cause I would argue that things like Cosmo and internet advice are part of the reason women are walking around so ignorant. Those are not things that generally have the kind of accurate and honest information that could eliminated this problem, as the critic seems to suggest.

Like I said, this critic is not alone. I hear that comeback a lot, and it's hard because the orgasm inequality problem, for so many reasons, is kinda invisible, and it makes extra work to point out the problem before one can start in on solutions or be taken seriously.

I'm sure the author of this critique is a nice women with good intentions, and she probably has great and mutually orgasmic sex with her partner, but I think maybe the feeling that all women are like her got in the way of seeing that the advice in the book could help a lot of people. I think she was just turned off from the beginning, which is too bad, because I think it was pretty clear that she agrees that women deserve to be in orgasmic mutually satisfying relationships just like Jenny does. Maybe they'll get some common ground eventually, but for now, it made me feel like Jenny Block's book is rocking the boat in the right way.

10 Her article "If You Can't Orgasm, 'Female Viagra' Won't Help" which points out something that we need to be talking about more.
"You want to know why women aren't sexually satisfied? It's because they are having procreative sex for recreation. It's because they are getting a little bit of the old "in and out" and not having orgasms because the old "in and out" doesn't lead to female orgasm. It's because they have been participating in the same activity hoping for a different result but not getting it. It's the definition of insanity. Ask Einstein."
If every time you went to the ice cream store, you ordered, waited in line, were handed your order, and had it taken away before you could taste it, how many times would you keep going back before you would finally lose interest in going out for ice cream? 
Women have lost interest in sex because the sex they are having doesn't take their interests to heart.
and then a little later in the article
Yes, depression and aging and hormones and lifestyle all play a part in female sexual dysfunction. But before we start diagnosing everything else, before we start prescribing a pill, let's get to a little truth-telling first. Let's ask the real questions, the hard questions --
What are you calling sex?
How are you having sex?
When are you having sex?
How much attention is really being paid to her pleasure?
Is her clit 100 per cent involved, 100 per cent of time?
Are you both cliterate?