1977 Hustler Review Series #5: Sex Toy Ads

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Why I'm SSL Reviewing a 1977 Hustler
So there is a fab lady named Jill Hamilton. She made it into the Orgasm Equality Allies List a good while ago for her various writings. She's awesome and she's goddamn funny. She writes the blog In Bed With Married Women, which you will not regret reading, and she's revo-fucking-lucionizing the classic Cosmo Sex Positions lists.

Now here's where Hustler comes in. She had a give away on her blog, and we readers had to comment and tell her what we wanted so she could pick randomly and ship shit out to us. I saw she had a vintage Hustler, and so I asked - nay begged - for it. I promised to SSL Review it cover to cover, and here I am doing just that.

An SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussion and/or depiction of female orgasm and/or female masturbation in media (usually I do this for movies or TV not magazines, though). I particularly pay attention to the realism and scientific accuracy of the depiction/discussion and how it fits within the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality.

Feel free to check out the previous SSL Reviews of the Advice Column, the Porn Movie Reviews, a Bondage article, and the Kinky Korner erotic story.

Sex Toy Ads
So at the back of the magazine, there's a variety of ads. This was before the internet, so there's tons of ads for mail order movies and pictures, plenty for a 'Spanish Fly' type drug that you sprinke into women's food to make them crazy horny (I'm assuming this was just BS and not some some type of sedative), and I also found 3 that were for vibrators...and although none of them said the word 'orgasm' in the ad, they all alluded to it.

Problem is that they all insinuated that vaginal stimulation, or I guess vaginal vibration to be specific, was why a woman would be wanting to use it, if ya know what I mean. The clit or the outer part of the female genitals were never mentioned or alluded to. If you've read this blog before, you won't be surprised to hear me say that orgasm from stimulation inside the vagina is not a realistic expectation given that there is no physical observations of orgasms caused by stimulation inside the vagina with no additional outer clitoral stimulation in all of scientific literature. That's the god's honest truth.

What that means is unsurprisingly, these ads pretty much all have it wrong about what makes women orgasm. They focus discussions about getting women off in terms of intercourse. It's not surprising that they do this, and it's not just because these are almost 40 year old ads. It's just that our culture is doggedly stuck on the idea that hetero PinV intercourse should be as orgasmic for women as it is for men. It's absolutely not, but we just can't seem to shake the habit of depicting and discussing sex as if it were.

Anyway, I wanted to give my big spiel about how silly these ads were based only on the fact that they aim to stimulate the vagina instead of the clit, the lady-part that actually can induce orgasm from stimulation. So keep that in mind as I introduce these fad ads.

SUPER STUD - THE ULTIMATE VIBRATOR

Super Stud is the ultimate new vibrator that brings sexual enjoyment never before possible. Like the real thing in every way you can imagine! Because it's the same shape...the same texture...provides the same pulsating surge of power...the same sensual inner massage...the same driving, pounding, passionate explosion of ecstasy! It expands, it contracts, it moves slowly or rapidly, up and down and round and round. The perfect way to bring your lover to a fever pitch of excitement - she'll be ready, eager, panting for lovemaking - expends to a full 8". So unlike anything ever offered before, you'll never use any other vibrator again. You'll swear by Super Stud.

First off, they're really missing the point of a vibrator here. It's actually great because it's not like the 'real thing' - which I assume means a dude pumping his penis in you. We ladies don't need a toy for that. We know where to get that if we want it, which we don't right now because what we want is an orgasm. This vibrator is great for that, but it's because it vibrates and we rub it against our clits - which dicks are terrible at.

Also, I'm reeeeaaal skeptical of the moving capabilities this ad insinuates of this dildo vibrator. It looks like it's just an floppy accordion-ed dildo and if you want it to move rapidly, slowly, in and out and round and round, you best use your hand to do it because it's just a cheap weird vibrating dildo, not a sex robot.

GERMAN TICKLERS

Finding the right tickler is no laughing matter.  That's why LEISURE TIME offers a German Tickler that can turn the blandest penis into a well garnished bratwurst. Our German Ticklers are made of soft-textured latex that is specially designed to stimulate the most hard to please fraulein. Each German Tickler comes equipped with a special feature - if washed with soap and water, and properly cared for, it is reusable. In fact, you should get as many miles out of your German Tickler as you would from a Volkswagon.

I'll be real honest, I don't exactly know what a tickler is, but from the picture, I'm assuming it's a semi-sturdy sheath that goes over the dick, and adds a touch of length, girth, texture, and for some, what I can only really describe as torture devices to the end of your dick. Seriously, ain't no woman want those spikes scraping across her cervix. We can go get a pap smear if we want that kind of treatment.

I mean, if you want some extra on the dick for fun, why not try it, but vaginal walls don't get stimulated into orgasm. Hell, those those walls are probably not even going to notice the dumb bumps on your tickler at all. If you want to get your girl off just tickle her clit (well, not tickle, really, but give it consistent appropriate stimulation), and save your money...Plus, let's be honest. You don't want to reuse that thing. Soap and water will not do the trick.

BUTT/PUSSY TICKLER (Vibrate your way to Orgasm)

Now motorized for that tingling, fullfilling sensation that you desire. Rectal/Vaginal stimulation is created for the ultimate pleasure! Also good for enema retention.

Rectal/Vaginal stimulation can be pleasurable, sure, but if they are insinuating an orgasm from that they're way off-base. We've already gone over that. Let's get to what's really important here. What the fuck is happening and what are they selling? What is this 'enema retention' they speak of? Why?

I really don't know. Is this a vibrating butt plug that you can stick in just after an enema to block the floodgates? If so, why? I'm leaving it at that. I'm not sure what else to say, but if you were looking for an enema retention product, and you thought you struck gold here, you're wrong. This is a 40 year old add. Keep trying the interwebs.

Vulva Rating
These all together get a terrible vulva rating because the overwhelming sense from these ads was that women orgasm from stimulation inside the vagina, and there simply is no physical evidence that has ever happened. 0 vulvas for these sex toys.

Zero Vulvas

Lady-bation is Downright Peachy Keen

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Hello! Ms. Gilly Langley held true to her top-notch promoting and connecting powers and introduced me to an AB FAB post about female orgasm. It's simply called, Can we talk about female orgasm. please? and it's at a site called Peachy Keen.

It's fan-fucking-tastic. Let me count the ways.

10  It acknowledges that lots of women have no flippin' clue how to get themselves off, but it doesn't shame or blame us ladies for this seemingly grand ignorance. Instead it rightly looks toward larger aspects of our sexual culture.

9 It points out that movies give dudes a pretty good idea about how to actually masturbate (ya know, hand actions, lube, noises, etc.) and just plain doesn't for gals.

8 It appreciates porn, but knows that porn, bless its little male heart, does not help anyone learn how an actual female orgasm might happen.

7 It brought up the whole, sticking-fingers-up-your-lady-junk-is-supposed-to-make-you-come fallacy that permeates our collective sexual consciousness much too strongly, and lets us know that this fallacy can, sadly, deter ladies from masturbating.

6 It brings up the following food for thought about ladies using their own hands to masturbate.

 ...(Correct me if I’m wrong) I think most of us would rather own up to having used a vibrator or a sex toy to climax than our own fingers. Are we ashamed of our own ability to get ourselves off? We shouldn’t be, it’s like a mini victory every time I do. I have to stop myself from putting my t-shirt over my head and doing a circuit of the bedroom. So why are we happier to admit that a toy helped us get off than an essential part of our own bodies? 

Which is super cool because Peachy Keen is a site that sells sex toys

5 ...but it's not, like, hating on vibrators or anything either.

I’m going to blame/praise Sex and the City and the rise of the Rampant Rabbit for that one. Don’t get me wrong, if females are having orgasms and masturbating when before they couldn’t then that’s amazing!!! But let’s not neglect the importance and everyday popularity of masturbation without toys.

4  And it really just lets us know that however we get the job done, is fine - no worries.

Just know that if you use your fingers to give yourself an orgasm and you’re not sure if you’re normal or not, you are. If you don’t do this but want to then give it a go. It might not happen the first time, or the tenth time but practise makes perfect. 

If you do it with a toy or a different way like a duvet or a stuffed toy or whatever then that’s fine and normal too. Trust me. 

Just remember that it’s a pretty useful skill to have or fall back on so that you can direct your partner to what you like or make it through uni. 

3 It gives great praise and recommendation for @OhJoySexToy, a really lovely comic series that I've been wanting to blog about for a while. I love seeing cool people hype each other, and I love that the particular comic  (http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/masturbate/) it recommends is about explaining to women how to masturbate - cause as Peachy Keen clearly understands, we NEED more of that.

2 It makes a call for action that is simple yet incredibly important to the ol' Orgasm Equality Revolution:

So ultimately, if you feel comfortable doing so, I would highly recommend talking to your girl mates about masturbation. Use wine. You will have some awesome and some awkward conversations. It will reassure you and perhaps educate.

1 It's just so F'in revolutionary and on-point from top to bottom. Magniiiiifico!

Anyway, this site - Peachy Keen - seems pretty cool. They are a sex toy site essentially, but they have a good philosophy and so forth (read more HERE). Unfortunately, they only currently deliver to the UK, but check them out anyway - they have recommendations. Anybody promoting female orgasm and masturbation in such bad-ass ways are okay with me - in fact they are so okay that I will put them right smack dab on the Orgasm Equality Allies List.