Go Ask Alice...To Flip a F-ing Table Over If She Has To Answer This Bullshit Again

So, I was googling "Lady Orgasm" just to see what might pop up to quickly write about - cause, hey, you never know what "Lady Orgasm" might bring you. And, seriously, I need to get a post up quick cause I ain't got the time right now, ya'll. Anyway, Columbia University has a site called Columbia Health, and there is section called Go Ask Alice! that answers peoples (probably mostly student's) health questions. Well, the first page of my google search took me to a grouping of these questions originally published in 2001 about women not feeling much from vaginal intercourse. Here are the questions.

(1)Dear Alice,I am a sexually active female, but I can't reach orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend. Can you help me out? Thanks.— Yearning(2)Hello Alice,I am 28 years old. I've had a problem for years now; well, I had this problem all my life and I was too ashamed to seek help. Here it goes: during sexual intercourse, I never feel any sensation or tingling feelings, I feel nothing. I can feel the penis, but that is all. This has been with every guy I've been with and I've been with about 15 guys. I'm currently dating this guy for five years. I love him, but during sex, I feel nothing. He turns me on, and I get aroused, but when it comes to actually having sex, I feel NOTHING. It's like I have a disjunction in my vagina. Does it have something to do with my clitoris? What is wrong with me? Please, can you tell me? I will eventually see a doctor, but I just want to know, what is the problem with me? Please, I would really appreciate it, I've kinda learned to live with it. Sad, right? :)— C(3)Dear Alice,Yet again, another question about intercourse and (female) orgasms. I am 25 and have been having intercourse for about 1 1/2 years and have never experienced even the remotest possibility of climaxing from intercourse. Intercourse does NOTHING for me. I've read the Hite Report, I know it claims that only 30% of women orgasm from intercourse alone; however, most women who say they don't orgasm from intercourse say that they at least receive some arousal or stimulation or pleasure from the sensation--it just doesn't lead them to orgasm. However, I have never received the SLIGHTEST sexual pleasure from intercourse--and it's making me so unhappy and desperate that I feel I'm going insane.— Searching for pleasure(4)Dear Alice,What is the best way for a woman with an inaccessible clitoris to reach orgasm during intercourse, without artificial stimulation?

So Alice answers by basically telling them that the vagina doesn't have much nerve endings and that not much is going to happen if the clit isn't involved. She recommends working with one's partner to find ways to make the damn thing happen, trying woman-on-top positions for better freedom, adding sex toys, and reading up for more ideas - you know, that kind of thing.

Honestly, she gives a good answer, it's better than a lot I've seen but I just can't help but feel that we need more. Saying kinda softly to frustrated ladies that most women don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation, and that we should just explore more with our partners and that "if you are generally satisfied with your sexual activity, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or feel pressured to feel pleasure or orgasm during intercourse," is nice and true, but man, it feels like bullshit. It feels like it's bullshit to even be having this discussion. It feels like this is bullshit that the women are the ones fretting about this "personal" issue when it should be our whole society fretting about how we could possibly have gone so long teaching and depicting female orgasm so incorrectly. It's bullshit, and we should be a little madder about it and a little more vocal. We, as a society, should be really hearing all these women asking questions about their orgasms and realizing that women as a whole are suffering because of this cultural ignorance. 

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. And, ya know, I have talked to many people who say they didn't even know that people still worry about the whole vaginal orgasm vs. clitoral orgasm thing anymore, and they don't think it's much of an issue. I wonder sometimes, but then I see things like this that remind me women do struggle with this on the regular. Us ladies might not call it vag vs. clit issue. We might not even know about Freud saying clitoral orgasms were infantile. We just know about what society has made us feel is normal, and then we have to somehow make that fit with what we actually feel in our bodies. We all find different ways to deal with it, but it all stems from the fact that vaginal orgasms are deeply ingrained in us as normal and/or highly desirable; that, oddly enough, female bodies (not some but as far as we know all female bodies) are not able to orgasm vaginally; and that no one seems to be screaming out about this insane discrepancy, so it's as if none of this is an issue at all - just women needing to figure out our own personal sexual struggles... It's bullshit. 

However, like I said before, the answer HERE was good and more progressive than most, so it gets a 4 out of 5 vulva rating!


Random Male Hite Report #7

Hello, friends. It's time for more Random Hite Report. In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We haven't changed that much. Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where she over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty and detail in this book is so important and moving, I think everyone should read this too.

So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online. Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981
pg 909
This is from the chapter Thirty Men Speak About Their Lives. In this chapter, long excerpts from each of 30 different respondents are set out for us. Shere Hite chose these because they were "some of the most interesting and emotionally involving material received and show the range and variety of points of view expressed." So, the following passage is from one of those 30 men.  

...was doing it, I was trying to make sure I was doing it right. But the thing that was really exciting was that she showed me exactly what to do-that meant she was very excited too, excited enough to want me to do it to her. It made me feel really close to her and special because nobody ever did that before-really intimate, because I always thought of masturbation as a very private thing. If she wanted me to masturbate her, that seemed really private. I felt, how could we be any closer?
    Men never talk about masturbating women, at least I've never heard them talk about it. They talk about women masturbating them a lot, but they never talk about themselves masturbating women, or there being thirty-two different ways women masturbate! And i didn't even know one. I thought women masturbated by putting something inside. Masturbation had still for me a real pejorative context, like it's not the real thing, or that's just what women do when they don't have a man. A frustrated women would just want to stick something in here, I thought, but it could never be as good a s a cock. i guess that's why men think that a woman needs a man, that she could never masturbate herself as well as a man could-I've heard that so many times. But really, a woman can just put a vibrator or her hand on her mons and just come and come and come.
    Anyway, getting back to the first time I gave her clitoral stimulation, after a while when I kept trying, she was really excited and breathing heavy, her whole body was tensing up with her legs tight together and straight out-and then she got really tense and tight and moaned and held herself like that for a few minutes. Then she told me she came. It was a revelation for me.
    Of all the things we had done before that-like when we were kissing and I could her moaning, her head is right by my ear sometimes, and I'm listening and I can feel her breathing-never was it that exciting, it was so thrilling during her orgasm. I felt like she was really strong! That was my reaction to the whole thing-that she had a tremendous strength- a really powerful energy that was inside her. Also, I felt really small next to her when she had an orgasm and I didn't!
    I also felt like-well, I used to believe that the idea was to fuck until you both had orgasms together, but all of the sudden I realized it was a really good feeling to enjoy someone else's orgasm, even if I didn't have one. Plus, to discover that she could have one that made me envious-plus I think she had another one about a minute later-well, I was really amazed! Later, after we did it a lot, I really got to enjoy it. She feels energetic and powerful and independent when she orgasms, and it makes me feel good to be next to someone so strong and active and alive.
    Do you know the difference between being next to a really passive person and someone that's really excited? It makes me feel great, it makes me feel really excited, aroused, like having orgasms, really strong, it makes me feel like an animal. I just want to hop on and screw her at that point and I often do.
    But I consider me masturbating her one of the major things that we do. I don't consider it a warm up thing. Sometimes when we don't do it I miss doing it. Sometimes she's said things to me while I'm doing it that make me feel really good, or really hot. I get sweaty when I'm doing it, and I like that feeling a lot...


Ice Saints - The SSL Review

Well, if you were hoping for another indie movie SSL review, then you're in luck because I got 10 tickets to the Indianapolis International Film Fest during their Kickstarter campaign, and the movies I'm seeing keep having something in them about female orgasm. If a movie discusses or depicts female orgasm or masturbation, you know I gots to get at SSL reviewing it, right? So here we are. (And just to be clear - an SSL Review is purely about the ladygasm stuff - not the movie as a whole.)

This time the movie is Ice Saints. Ryan Balas, the director and his then girlfriend (now wife) Deirdre Herlihy. created a documentary-ish movie about the year of their engagement, their wedding, and their honeymoon.Outside of the wedding footage, which was obviously taped by someone else, most of the couple's conversations seemed to be taped by the the couple - ya know, kinda setting it up on a table or something and then having a normal everyday conversation. So, it has a stagy element, but I think the conversations are meant to be indicative of actual spontaneous personal conversations the couple might have.

Ice Saints - Dir. Ryan Balas

There is one SSL reviewable part and then another part that doesn't quite fit SSL Review criteria, but I found it to be important to the discussion. I'll describe the two scenes first, then I'll get to commenting.

So Deirdre is naked, sitting on the floor against a bed or something, and the camera seems to be set on a dresser maybe and is pointed at her. Ryan walks in from behind her (he's in boxers, but no worries, he gets naked later, so it's square), hands her a drink and sits next to her, and the following conversation happens (these were transcribed in the dark, so the words might not be exact quotes, but it's pretty close).
Ryan: I'm sorry you didn't orgasm.
Deirdre: It's okay.
Ryan: You always sound so disappointed,...
Deirdre: I just don't like it when it's so squeaky....
Then they (mostly he) goes on to say things about who cares whether the neighbors hear them and that they should get a better bed, (I believe they have a futon) so that it doesn't squeak like that, etc.

Okay, so that's one. Here's the not quite SSL Review eligible, but related part.

They are at the kitchen table. She's wrapped in a towel, working on her computer. He's naked sitting next to her - and he starts the following conversation.

Ryan: I think you should go off birth control. (pause) I really do. You know what Rachel said. She didn't have any sexual urges, and then she went off birth control, and it all came back.
Deirdre: I don't know...maybe (or something like that)

Alright, now I don't usually have the luxury of hearing director's intentions with their depiction/discussions, but there happen to be a Q&A session with Ryan and Deirdre afterward, so I asked them why they chose to include those two parts given they were the only spoken parts about their sex life. (They asked for awkward questions, okay). Anyway, they both seemed really cool and the basic answer was that they thought things like mediocre sex or a woman not getting an orgasm was something that was real, and not depicted too often. That wasn't exactly how they said it, but I felt the gist was that they wanted to put stuff in their movie about relationships that were not puffed up or over exaggerated, that felt real to them, and that to some extent seemed to them to be under appreciated in other media.

That is kinda what I imagined was going on in their brains, and I really appreciate their openness about it. I actually could not agree more. Sex can be all kinds of things within a relationship. It's not always super hot and great. It can be just fine or even bad. That's normal as shit. We're gonna zero in on the not-orgasming thing though. That too is normal as shit, like way normal...like way more normal than we as a society ever admit, and I love that they included it.

Their situation can be placed right along side the general population. Women in general are simply not orgasming during partnered sex as much as men in general are. This is not often discussed, but it feels like a given. It's viewed as an inevitable reality...cause...women are more finicky and orgasms are harder for us ladies, right?

Well if you read my blog at all, you know the answer is actually no, and that the problem lies not in the make-up of females, but in the deeply rooted way we  teach, depict, and engage in sexual activity. It's not inevitable biology. It's cultural, and all us ladies are in the same boat. That's why it's so refreshing to see something that normalizes the experience of no-orgasm sex and doesn't depict some bullshit fake porn-gasm sex. I mean, come on. we have plenty of that already.

That brings me to the getting off birth control to gain more sex-drive part. I think this indicates an interesting and incredibly common, almost ubiquitous phenomenon. Women in long-term relationships, quite good and quite sexual ones even, begin to lose libido quicker than men. It's the old joke about marriage meaning the the end of sex thing, but it's a joke because there's truth to it.

Women in general have way, way more problems with loss of libido, and we as a society so often go to hormonal or emotional problems as the culprit. Maybe though, just maybe, it's that we ladies are having more sexual experiences that end without an orgasm. Whereas most men think forward towards a sexual experience with a woman and can draw on their past experiences to know that the event will be all the many things sex might be....but also almost surely end in an orgasm, that's just not as sure a thing for ladies. Every non-orgasmic experience we have informs us about what to expect from future ones, and frankly, sex without orgasm might not be something any woman or man would get too excited about. So, in this way, sex quickly becomes a different experience for men and women. If men went into sex with a good or even a fair chance they wouldn't orgasm, then they might find sleep a better option too. I mean, there are other reason to get nasty with your partner, but let's not ignore the allure and addictive nature of a good ol orgasm.

So, to me this movie reflected something very real about the experience of a long-term, hetero, sexual relationship, something that most people in that position can relate to. What really kinda excited me though was that it also included two aspects of the female experience that are rarely considered as two pieces of one puzzle. I have no reason to believe the director put them together as a way to connect the lack of orgasm among females with the ridiculously large amount of women dealing with low sex drive. He was just putting common sexual realities in there, and maybe that's the thing. Most people aren't brave enough to talk about these things, but if we were, we'd discover something important. We'd discover that we're all dealing with the same issues and it's not because of our hormones, our emotional turmoil, or our personal problem. We'd find that there is a lady-gasm revolution hiding in plain site. And don't worry gentlemen - this isn't a war. We'd be fighting side by side on this one ;)

I always think that the first step toward orgasm equality is to for people to start relaying sexual experience honestly, and this is certainly a step Ice Saints intentionally took. I'm gonna have to give it a full 5 out of 5 vulva rating.




Fort Tilden - The SSL Review

Well, let’s just say it’s been a whirlwind of a week, but among it all, I did get to check out some movies at the Indianapolis International Film Fest. As luck would have it, one of them was SSLreview-worthy, which simply means that it discussed or depicted female orgasm or masturbation. The movie was called Fort Tilden directed by Sarah-Violet Bliss and Charles Rogers, and as you might expect, it’s an indie film currently doing its thing through the festival circuit.

The two main characters are post college, Brooklynite women (but like fancy Brooklyn not regular ol’ Brooklyn – There is a name for the neighborhood in the movie. I forget it, but it would probably make sense to you if you were from  NYC).  Basically they are supposed to be those spoiled, dumb, urban, millennial girl characters. They’re roommates, and the basic plot is that they are trying to get to the beach to meet a couple dudes they’re hoping to mack on, but things keep happening on the way there.

The SSL reviewable comment happened very close to the end. I’ll try to be general as not to spoil anything, so here goes. One of the ladies takes a clearly reluctant dude from his beach towel into cold water and tries to seduce him.  She’s being pretty aggressive and really, really giving this seduction the ol’ college try.  She’s trying to touch his junk under water, but he’s cold and seriously uncomfortable with her advances, but she continues on and says, “My first orgasm was in the water,” trying to be all sexy baby. He’s all awkward and wanting to get the hell out of dodge and says, “That sounds complicated.” And then she comes back with a seductive-style, “Not really. I’ve just always been able to come so easily.”

That’s the SSL Reviewable line. I’m going to look too much into that one little line, but that’s an SSL review. I breakdown these depictions and discussions and look at what it reflects from our culture and also what it might be adding back into our collective cultural knowledge and attitude. Honestly, I think this is kinda neutral. It's not progressive nor is it regressive or idiotic. It’s mostly just reflective of our culture’s current relationship to women’s orgasmic abilities, which is why I think it’s an interesting one to consider.

The movie previously established that she is a ridiculous, snotty, selfish, manipulative person. That, along with her somewhat desperate attempts to woo this guy, indicate that her admission of orgasm ease was just some bullshit she was saying because she thought it would be sexy.

So, I mean yes, her statement was just a simple line in a movie to help make a character seem like she’s working way too hard to seduce a man. However, if one breaks down the assumptions and collective cultural knowledge that makes that statement do what it was meant to do, that’s where it gets interesting. The following things need to be pretty obvious to an audience member.

1 Women aren't known for orgasming easily. The fact that she even said what she said reminds us that female orgasm is not viewed as reliable. You wouldn't hear that coming seductively out of a man’s mouth. Am I right? Everyone knows men can come easily; no one even has to verbalize that.

2 Women who do orgasm easily are desirable to men. Our culture does associate an amply orgasmic woman with sexiness; just look at any female in porn, romance novels or any number of fictional women like the over-sexed, orgasm-loudly-and-at-the-drop-of-a-hat Samantha from Sex and the City.

3 If a gal really, really wanted to impress and seduce a guy, it's not unheard of that she would maybe fib a tiny bit about her orgasm prowess or put on a little more of a gasm-show during the nasty.

I don't know. For me, this character's (and thus the writer's) use of orgasm ability as a way to seem sexy, says something about the roles women play in sexual interactions in order to be what they are expected to be, what they would like to be, or what they think a man would most like. And it also points out how socially accepted those points above are. There is a lot to be discussed on this topic, but for now, just roll all this around in your head for a bit. Would a man ever try to impress a woman by saying he can orgasm easily?. Why does it make sense for a woman to try and impress someone this way - particularly when there is no good evidence to assume different women have different natural abilities to orgasm and that women orgasm as easily as men when we masturbate. Just think a touch on that.

As I said above, this movie is more reflective of our culture's current situation with women and our abilities to orgasm. It doesn't add much in a positive or negative way to orgasm knowledge and orgasm equality. I am going to give this a quite neutral review - 3 out of 5 Vulvas



Lady Porn Day - Better Late Than Never

So I missed Lady Porn Day. Apparently it's February 22nd, and since I feel like it's too late now to wait till next year, I'll just talk about it today. It was started by Rachel Rabbit White where she writes
At it’s heart, this is about celebrating pornography and masturbation. It is an opportunity for ladies of all genders (or however you identify) to open up a dialog: What is feminist porn? What is your history with porn? What do you find hot?

Very good. I like the idea of women openly talking about porn. It's complicated and deep inside of us (no pun intended), and important to orgasm equality. We need to begin considering more publicly our wants and needs in regard to porn.

It is an intriguing media, and for most of us, it was/is an important detailed, what-goes-where kind of education about sexual encounters...the kind that you otherwise only get from real encounters. It is also way too male-fantasy heavy and way too actual female orgasm light - way, way, way too light. Also, it can be (is likely) an incredibly bad miseducation, but you know what, it's been a fucking hot part of my orgasmic history. It's also been really disappointing at times. In fact, back in the very early 2000's, the realization that some big fantasy situations that I wanted to see in porn were not around much (sexy lady-junk focused MMF porn for instance), and the certain and increasingly undesirable cum-on-face ending to every single porn (I actually thought it was hot at first - really) was a main reason I got the idea for working on Science, Sex and the Ladies. It's not one thing, that crazy ol' porn, and through all the bad parts and the very real criticisms I believe it deserves, I have and continue to partake. I love watching shit that is so very not what I want done to me in real life. I like some nasty nast, ya'll. That's just how it is, and I think think I'm not alone.

It's just fantasy, but it's also very much more than that. We ladies have a relationship with porn that needs more attention, and so if you write, maybe go write about it. If you have friends, talk about it, if you don't like bringing up porn randomly in polite company, then do some soul-searching about it.


Free Thinking Feminists Love SSL!

Okay, maybe the title of this post is overstating. The Indianapolis Free Thinking Feminist Group watched Science, Sex, and the Ladies, and some of them said they loved it. So, you know, maybe they were just being nice, and maybe some of them hated it and haven't told me, which is cool and polite and all that.

Seriously though, SSL showed at the lovely Garfield Park Arts Center last night, and there was lots of food and drink and laughs and a really nice discussion that made its way out into the parking lot, but was broken up because mosquito are evil...and work in the morning and all that. My point is, I thought it was a really fun showing, and I think I'll be hearing more from the group as different people have time to kinda ponder it a bit.

This is a group of really thoughtful, fun, interesting and curious men and women, so I put a lot of value into their thoughts. I'll keep you posted as I hear more from them.

Also, we were right next to the "bear tunnel" which led from the old Indianapolis zoo to a little room about 10 feet over where the bears used to hibernate. I didn't know this was a thing that existed.

Also, Rice Krispy Treats are kick ass.

Also, so are cheese balls.

Also, there is a way to arrange seats where everyone can see, and it might not be what you expect.

Also - unicorns, man.

Indy Free Thinking Feminists watching Science, Sex and the Ladies


Mad Men S1 - The SSL Review

I resisted watching Mad Men for a long time. I don't know. I guess I just didn't like all the oooing and aaahhing over the era. However, I had been hearing good things about it, and it is my belief that if one waits too long to watch a movie or TV show, it loses something. Especially if it is leading the way in style or content or something, The punch of the new dies when you watch a show's copycats first. So, I figured since it's coming up on its last season, I should get in and catch up.

So, here I am in Season 4 of Mad Men. As happens with all series on which I binge, it literally bleeds into my dreams and the characters's names pop up casually in me and Charlie's conversations. I'm not complaining though, I am enjoying it. I love TV.

To SSL review something, it needs to discuss or depict female sexual release or female masturbation. I then tell you all if I deemed it ridiculous or sensible and/or how I feel it contributed to our cultural understanding of female sexuality. That's how this works. This isn't on HBO or Showtime, so there simply isn't a lot to review, but what I do have to review is subtle and about female masturbation.

Season 1 Episode 11 "Indian Summer"

Depiction 1
This one's simple. It's classic even. Picture it. A 1960 housewife has a young, persistent and somewhat attractive sales man come to the door. He almost convinces her to measure windows upstairs, but then she decides it's too dangerous/tempting and asks him to leave. It gets her juices flowing though, and when she gets too darn close to her jumpy washing machine, she starts to fantasize about this young salesman while she rubs up against the vibrating machine. We don't see her move too much or make a big porn-inspired show of her orgasm. This isn't HBO, but we assume, oh we assume.

Depiction/Discussion 2
Oh, Peggy Olson - what an episode you had! She got the rather important opportunity (she's really just a secretary at this point) to write advertising copy for a weight loss device that's supposed to somehow work the fat off the ladies. Well, turns out this thing is a harness that you step into like panties and it vibrates, and as soon as Peggy tries the device, at home and comfy in her PJs, she clearly gets what its actual selling point is...and immediately takes them off, appalled. Long story short, she, discreetly as possible, does a great presentation to the other copywriters for this device. It was a good day, and in the final scene, we see her again comfy at home in her PJs, but this time she willingly puts on that vibrating harness - fully aware of what it might do to her...

It also needs to be noted that before the company enlisted a woman to work on the copywriting, and thus when they still thought it was just a shit weigh loss device, a few of the guys in the room had their wives test it out. One dude's wife liked it and thought she'd use it again. Well, unsurprisingly, upon learning during Peggy's presentation that this device provides women "the pleasure of a man without the man," one guy in the room begins making fun of the dude who's wife was into it. That pissed the husband off hardcore and a fist fight had to be stopped.

Now, the idea that a husband's dick must not be doing the job if his wife likes a vibrator on her clit is certainly relevant for the time, but it's also not so foreign now. Same goes for Peggy's initial reaction to masturbation. Yeah, it seems like women of the 50's would be more against the idea of jiggling their junk, but it's not like women of this time are totally cool with it either. Check out the 2005 book Dilemmas of Desire, you'd find of the 34 teenage girls that were interviewed, very few thought masturbation was a normal thing for any girl, much less themselves, to do.

What I'm saying is I worry that this "oh 1960 was so different and funny!" perspective Mad Men - especially during this first season - takes could downplay the extent to which these problems still exist. I mean, in 2014, I can still write a blog that is like, "wow - I saw female masturbation depicted in this movie/TV show! Yay! We don't get to see that nearly as much as male masturbation!"

Gals doing it is still more stigmatized than guys doing it. There are plenty of women and girls who still flat out see it as inappropriate for ladies. There are still plenty of men who feel like they are not doing their job when women work their own junk. Our cultural view of female masturbation might be better in ways, but it is still a problem. All that said, I don't think this show set out to downplay this problem in modern times or anything. There was no harm intended, and my criticism is so subtle anyway, so I will focus on the basics. What it did do was heavily insinuated that 2 quite normal women masturbated. It also created somewhat realistic scenarios - in terms of whether the masturbatory actions these women did could actually cause orgasm. A vibrating harness against one's vulva? Why, yes, that should work just fine. A horny-ass woman rubbing her vulva against a warm gently vibrating machine? Well, the positioning may be a bit tricky, but sure, that could work too! In 2014, that kind of dive into the world of lady-bation is still revolutionary.

So, Mad Men Season 1 gets 4 out of 5 vulvas!


An Ode To Lady-bation In Celebration Of Independence!

In honor of Independence Day which all of America will be celebrating with fireworks and fantastic food tomorrow, I am re-posting a little tribute I did about 2 years ago. It's about lady-bation, which is certainly one of the most important acts of independence. Also, for fun and so I don't bore you if you read this 2 years ago, I added a little more to it this time. Enjoy...and please practice a little independence tomorrow!

Here's to all the ladies rubbing up against their pillows; grinding hips into old teddy bears; laying on the couch spread eagle with their hands between their legs; riding their palms, face down on their bed; legs crossed in class gently pressing thighs against lips; silver bullet vibrators gliding across their vulvas; handle ends of old electric toothbrushes with just enough vibration pressed against clits; giant, cumbersome back massagers misused in the cover of night; fancy removable shower heads held dangerously close to the nether regions; quick rub offs in bed to help nod off; secret, quiet circles on disappointed clits next to sleeping lovers; joyously lip jigglin' in office bathroom stalls with memories of last night; frantic childhood couch arm humping; bored fingers on swollen clits; pick-me-ups between study sessions; unintentional bike seat friction; slow, sensual vulva massages in front of dirty internet searchings; wanton orifices chock full of toys as the Hitachi dances against puffy lips; good vibrations sitting on top of dryers; and all the other dirty, sexy, bored, silly, loving, gentle, secret, uninhibited, prohibited, fantastic ways we get ourselves, by ourselves, off.

P.S. Here's the one I posted back then about male-bation too.