1977 Hustler Review Series #1: Advice & Consent

So there is a fab lady named Jill Hamilton. She made it into the Orgasm Equality Allies List a good while ago for her various writings. She's awesome and she's goddamn funny. She writes the blog In Bed With Married Women, which you will not regret reading.

Now here's where Hustler comes in. She had a give away on her blog, and we readers had to comment and tell her what we wanted so she could pick randomly and ship shit out to us. I saw she had a vintage Hustler, and so I asked - nay begged - for it. I promised to both SSL Review it cover to cover and to also masturbate to it. She chose me, but not randomly. It was because she wanted me to do all those things, and do them I will!

I received the September 1977 issue of Hustler in the mail. It was a good day. On my first quick scan, I must admit, my modern sensibilities were...well...a bit shocked. I'll get into some of that in later posts, but let me just say I really never fully understood where the term Chester the Molester came from, and now I certainly do. For now, though, I'm simply going to look into the advice section and give a little SSL Review. This, my friends, is merely the beginning - enjoy!

Advice and Consent (p111-112)

Clearly this is the advice section where readers write in and get answers. They warn at the beginning that this advice doesn't replace advice and care of a doctor, but it doesn't say who is actually writing the advice. It's edited by someone named Susi Green though. I'm going to copy down word for word each of the SSL Reviewable questions/answers and add a quick SSL review at the end of each one. Just as a reminder, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussion and/or depiction of female orgasm and/or female masturbation in media (usually I do this for movies or TV not magazines, though). I will particularly pay attention to the realism and scientific accuracy of the depiction/discussion and how it fits within the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality.

    My boyfriend and I have been living together for four years and we have a two-year-old daughter. We don't have sex every night, but when we do, I have a hard time coming. He has no trouble at all. We've come to the conclusion that I've been trying too hard. Is this really possible? Is there anything I can do or take to help with this problem? 
Akron Ohio
It is possible to try too hard to achieve orgasm. Orgasm is a neurovascular reflex, and should not require concentration or conscious effort. Anxiety caused by failure to reach orgasm can inhibit physical response to sexual stimulation. A woman whose mind is filled with worry that she won't function as she thinks she must, or who has fears of inadequacy or abnormality, and is concerned about reaching orgasm probably will not. Orgasm is the result of physical and mental stimulation, and therefore must be felt rather than consciously achieved. Experimentation, either alone or with your partner, can help you discover what is most stimulating to you. Often a vibrator is useful in conditioning your sexual reflexes and revitalizing the nerves that carry the sensations to your brain. Concentrate your efforts on feeling pleasure and stimulation rather than achieving orgasm. Enjoy the sexual excitement and let your pleasure be your guide.
 SSL Review comments: Well, this is not so off base. The parts about how anxiety can block the natural progression of arousal and orgasm is pretty on-point. Focusing on what feels good and not worrying about how your body will or should react is a sensible plan of action. I also fully endorse their endorsement of investigation through masturbation and the use of a vibrator.

However, I think they miss, as most advice columns today also miss, an important discussion. Was this woman's outer clitoral/vulva area being stimulated sufficiently every single time these two had sex? I'm certain his penis was. If when she said 'sex,' she meant penis-in-vagina intercourse, and she was wondering why he had an easy time coming and she didn't, then the answer is not that she's trying too hard. It's that her organ of sexual please (the clit) is probably being largely ignored, and his organ of sexual pleasure (the penis) is getting constant, lovely, warm stimulation inside that vagina.

Seriously, intercourse does not female orgasm make. My advice to her would be to make sure she can orgasm through masturbation, and then work with her man to fully incorporate those things that make her orgasm during masturbation into their sex life.   For real though, if our culture ever really, truly let it sink in that outer clitoral/vuvla stimulation is what causes female orgasm (in the same way it is truly sunk in that penile stimulation is what men need to orgasm), there would be so fewer ladies out there writing into advice columns about why they are having trouble orgasming.

    I'm a male in my late 20's. Recently I met this women in her early 30's. When it came to sex she said the only thing that gives her pleasure was my using a vibrator on her. When we get in bed she doesn't enjoy my sucking on her breasts or going down on her. She stated quite bluntly that she only enjoys playing with herself. Should I drop her and stop wasting my time? 
Brooklyn, New York
Yes. This woman apparently feels either conscious or subconscious contempt towards men, and through this type of sexual restriction is psychologically castrating them. It is obvious that she has psychological problems and needs professional help. It would also be a good idea for you to reconsider your feelings about sex. Your indecision may indicate possible masochistic tendencies.
 SSL Review comments: Uh, damn. Calm the hell down, ya'll. The dude never said she wouldn't allow him to orgasm or have intercourse with her. He just said that she was very clear about what things she liked done to her. For all we know, the two have the ol' intercourse, he gets off, and she does too...because he was stimulating her clit (HER ORGAN OF SEXUAL PLEASURE) with a vibrator. Honestly, what's at all wrong with that? I mean, I would encourage her to give a good pussy eatin' a second chance (am I right?), but that's something that can be worked up to. She probably had shitty experiences with it in the past. He's going to have to build some trust with her and put some work in. I'm sure she'll come (get it? come) around.

She's also probably over dudes fucking her with no external clitoral stimulation (and thus no orgasm for her), so she found a way to get off on the regular, and she's sticking with it. That's actually awesome. This dude probably just wants to be able to give more pleasure to her in the sexual relationship, and that's a valid want that could surely be worked on with communication.

But just for another perspective let me throw this out there. Maybe we're not getting the whole story here. Maybe this guy isn't really hearing this women. Maybe just because she wasn't into the things that he thinks should get her all excited and orgasm-y (like fucking her without a vibrator), he thinks she's not into anything, but clearly she's into him using a vibrator on her. Is that not good enough? Also, maybe he's bad at the stuff he's trying to do to her but he's an ass and won't try new things or things her way. Maybe he isn't taking directions or criticism well so he just gets indignant and starts writing to Hustler about how ridiculous she is. Maybe he's sucking too hard on her nipples or she's told him a thousand times she doesn't get much from nipple stimulation (lots of women don't) but he won't listen because he likes to suck nipples and likes to feel like he's getting the woman off doing it, or maybe when he eats her out he keeps trying to just stick his tongue in and out of her hole instead of focusing on her clit area (sadly, it happens more than it should). Maybe she's the one that should leave his ass. Maybe Hustler should have told him to talk and listen to her and work on trying new things from time to time instead of calling her a psycho man hater and him a masochist. I don't know, just another take on it, ya know?

    My wife and I have a great sex life. For the past year or so she has been sucking me off while I lick her soft, hairy bunny and enjoy her coming three or four times. I usually only come once. Is there something wrong with me because I only cimax once compared to my wife's three or four?
    A couple of years ago I got hung up with a fantastic 38-year-old chick, and in an hour I could come three times. She had to be a pro, because she was so adept and never let up on me. Do you think a change more often would help me? 
Southington, Connecticut
You don't need help - in fact , millions of men would be glad to have your "problems." Women are much more capable of having multiple orgasms than men, while men are much more capable of achieving orgasm every time they engage in sex. The average man is capable of one ejaculation per session without straining himself. The novelty of a new sexual relationship and an especially exciting woman can boost your sexual ability - temporarily. As the newness wears off, though, so does the perpetual hard-on. Only about 7 percent of all men are consistently capable of multiple orgasms. Women who regularly  climax three or four times are almost as rare as sexual supermen. You should quit trying to set sexual records and count your blessings.
SSL Review comments: First off, men are actually not much more capable of achieving orgasm every time they engage in sex - at least not in like a natural or biological sense. Women can orgasm during masturbation as quickly easily and reliably as men do. Problem is that mostly when men and women have sexual encounters, they have vaginal intercourse with little to no clitoral stimulation - so realistically women don't orgasm as much. But if most of the sex men had didn't involve sufficient stimulation of the penis, men would be in the same boat women are. Just wanted to make that clear.

Otherwise, I'm actually kinda bored by this one. I don't feel much like talking about it. Men can have multiple orgasms too. It seems to be when they are able to hold their ejaculation (orgasm and ejaculation are different things in both men and women) till the last orgasm. For women it happens for some, but it's not like a marathon event. It's like a few more orgasms very close together or one orgasm that lasts a bit longer (20 seconds - a minute) than men's usually do. So, whatever. Orgasms are nice. Enjoy what you got. Try new things if you want to experiment. That is all.

    Since my girlfriend is a great lay, we spend most of our time in bed. I've never seen anyone like her. With other girls, when they would come, I would sometimes feel a little flutter in their vaginas. My girlfriend's pussy squeezes my cock like it was trying to choke it. It feels great, and lasts about a minute. Is that normal? 
A.M. Boston, Massachusetts 
This is perfectly normal. When a female experiences orgasm, the muscles of the vagina contract at least three or four times, and some do so fifteen times or more. The strength and duration of these contractions vary from woman to woman.
SSL Review comments: It's true. The vagina will rhythmically contract during orgasm. It's because for both men and women, the pelvic muscles tense during arousal and then release that tension with rhythmic contractions at orgasm, and there are subtle differences between each person's strength rhythm and amount of contractions. The contraction of those muscles will contract the anus for everyone. For men it squeezes the urethra and helps project the ejaculate out (because most of the time for men, orgasm and ejaculation happen at pretty much the same time). For women it squeezes the vaginal canal and the uterus and all that.

Anyway, so yeah the vagina squeezes rhythmically during orgasm, but can dudes always feel that with their dick? I don't know. An engorged dick is actually not that sensitive. A finger would probably feel it way better. Was he saying that his girlfriend's vag just straight squeezed it for like a minute? That's kinda wierd because a minute long orgasm is pretty long and the squeezing would be rhythmic, not really like it was choking it. Maybe she's got a strong pus, but let's not throw out the possibility that she heard somewhere that the vagina constricts at orgasm and so while this dude was banging her vagina and ignoring her clit, she faked her orgasm with an intentional strong squeezing of his dick for as long as she could keep it up - and maybe that's why it feels so strong...because intentionally squeezing your pussy creates a lot more pressure than an orgasm, me thinks.

Bonus non-SSL Reviewable one, just because...:
    I am 57 years old and I love my wife's snatch. Seven years ago I lost an eye and I haven't been able to get a hard on since. Is there any help for me? 
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
There may be help for you. The loss of an eye may have a psychological effect on you, or there may have been slight brain damage that was not detected at the time. Close examination of the sex organs, nervous system and spine may disclose an impairment. If no physical problem is found, psychological investigation may help you learn to cope with your loss and regain your sexual ability. 


Val Kilmer's Top 1980's Lady-Gasm Advice

I can't remember now what led me to this Tumblr, but in the Frequently Asked Questions, I found something golden that needed to be shared...and it spoke of lady-gasms.

You see, the Last FAQ on that Tumblr said the following:

It then answered that question with this video:


Well, the young Val Kilmer there, asks if he's tried the anal intruder, and well, the ol' guy thinks that might just be the solution.

Clearly, the real answer here is that he should probably focus on the clitoris/vulva area and, ya know, do whatever his wife would do to herself during masturbation instead of ramming her ass with a jackhammer-like fisting device, but whatever. This is absurd comedy, and I thought you needed to see it.

It's from the movie Top Secret! from the people who brought you the Naked Gun and Airplane! series, which I have always been a fan of, so maybe I will be watching this, and maybe it will get a proper SSL Review.


Ellen's Blog Get's Deep About The Shit I Keep Saying

One of the best reactions to my work I could imagine
Firstly, it is true that I google my name and 'science sex and the ladies' often. I gotta see what's out there, and I'm often very glad I did 'cause I get to find little gems like this post from Ellen at at Ellen's Blog. It's called Female orgasm - a start.

She wrote it back around the time that my post critiquing a BBC article on female orgasm came out. Her post was a fairly quick one and more of an initial reaction to my article, but it was also thoughtful, and introspective, and it made me incredibly excited and thankful to her when I read it. She said it made her angry and that she kept thinking about it when she was trying to sleep and so she got up and read it again.

You had me at 'read it again,' Ellen. I know the shit I'm saying is not something people want to hear - it's strangely uncomfortable. Obviously, I believe deeply that these things need to be said, but I'm not naive (at least not any more) about how other people react. I tend to get 1 of 3 reactions from people.

The 3 reactions I usually get
1. They immediately feel relieved and excited and grateful to hear in such a straightforward way that their bodies or their partner's bodies are not messed up.

2. They, of course, agree with me, but then say something that makes me think the main point (that vaginal stimulation has never been shown to cause orgasm) didn't quite sink in. They love any of the other sex positive stuff surrounding that main point - like stuff about better education and communication and more masturbation, but just sorta skip over the big nasty elephant in the room part. The best way to describe it is that they just heard the parts that they already believed anyway and chose to completely ignore the uncomfortable parts.

This group goes into 2 categories - one that are big advocates but just continue to surprise me by also, in the same breath, saying really status quo things about female orgasm that directly don't make sense with the points in my movie/blog/article. The other group (and this is probably the biggest group) immediately writes it all off as the same ol' same ol' information about lady-gasms. Basically this group just completely dismisses it without even acknowledging the controversial aspects.

3. They get a little pissed. They fully understand what I'm saying about the whole vaginal stimulation thing, and they don't like it. They tend to be the first and most vocal group in comment threads. Sometimes they can be downright shitty with the first comments. Sometimes they are, based on their personal experiences, just straight up perplexed about where I'm getting this shit, and sometimes they just think it couldn't be right. But honestly, I like these reactions most because there is someplace to go from there. There is a conversation to be had because they are willing to see my point and are willing to argue theirs. And honestly, even the ones that start off with a super shitty comment become pretty reasonable when I engage them. I think it's just internet culture and them being used to authors not caring to read comments that makes it nasty sometimes.  Anyway, this is actually my favorite group. Ellen is in this group, and she's one of the best of this group.

Why Ellen is awesome and deserves to be an Orgasm Equality Hero
What I like about Ellen is that she got what I was saying. She had an authentic reaction to it that she was willing to acknowledge, and then she went back to investigate it more and to reflect on it a little through writing. That is literally the very best I could ever hope for from this orgasm equality activism. The weird and problematic truth of this whole despite-everything-we've-ever-been-shown-and-taught-vaginas-don't-seem-to-cause-orgasms business is that it cuts deeper than you'd ever think. The opposite assumptions about P-in-V sex being mutually orgasmic is so deeply a part of our culture and our sexual being that it's hard to even see that it's something we assume, and even when we do realize that we assume it, it's just as hard to unravel all the pieces of us that are wrapped up in it.

 I mean, I've been looking at the world from this perspective in detailed ways for over 10 years now, and there are still many aspects of my personal sexual life that are affected by how deep those assumptions are in my bones...much less my partner's. So, honestly, I expect pushback. I want pushback. The stuff I'm saying isn't something people just easily take in and move on from. It just isn't and I know this because I'm in no way the first person to say it. People have been saying it in many ways for many years, and it just hasn't sunk into our culture yet. I want anything but for this stuff to be dismissed like it has historically been. Ellen does not dismiss this, and in fact she says something that is so insightful, I wanted to fist pump in the air.
This idea that this G-spot is very important, a vaginal orgasm is the ultimate orgasm for women. That idea was inside of me. Not clearly defined, not like i talk about it or anything, but yes, it was. And now i read this article in which it is very clearly stated that that is no proof, no scientific proof for a vaginal orgasm.
Hell yeah. Ellen is bad ass because she did something that not everyone is brave enough to do. She took a breath and considered something that she found uncomfortable and by doing that looked dead into the hard aspects of the Orgasm Equality Movement. She just put down her initial thoughts here - no conclusions or anything. I truly don't care how all her thoughts eventually fall in order after this (because all of us will work this out in our own bodies and our own sexual relationships differently), but that she considered it means everything. I am grateful to her, and I respect her honesty and openness.

That kind of personal bravery is not easy, and it's the kind of thing I like to call attention to by making her one of my Orgasm Equality Heroes! Thanks you Ellen, and I'd love to hear more from you! You can see her and the other Orgasm Equality Heroes HERE!


Songs To Eat Girls Out To

There is prolific publisher of playlists on 8Tracks by the name of yeswecancan. Charlie found some of her playlists a couple years back and became a fan, which I guess just means you tend to like whatever list that person creates. I got into her stuff too, although I don't listen to 8Tracks all that much because it always just stops streaming at some point while I'm trying to listen to it on my phone at work and annoys the shit out of me. Pandora does the same thing.

Anyway, all that to say she has a playlist called "Songs To Eat Girls Out To" and I felt like I should mention it in this blog. I just straight up appreciate the shout out to cunnilingus. But also, I feel like that title has something special to it.

It feels a bit like yesswecancan is telling the world that you should be doing some eating out, and that it's awesome enough of a thing to do that it deserves its own playlist. Plus I like that its musical inspiration is directed toward the person doing the eating out as opposed to the person being eaten out. We all know that getting eaten out is awesome, but this playlist, in my opinion, raises the status of doing the eating out - something that doesn't always get the celebrity it deserves.

So, there you go. Below are the 11 songs under yeswecancan's "Songs To Eat Girls Out To" playlist. It might be just the song list you need. (And you might want to project the D'Angelo video instead of just playing the song. That's one of the all-time hottest videos made by a dude).

P.D.A (We Just Don't Care)
John Legend

Bump N' Grind
R. Kelly

Untitled (How does It Feel)

Until Then (I Imagine)
Jill Scott

Corinne Bailey Rae

Oops Oh My

Be With You

Strawberry Bubblegum
Justin Timberlake

Let's Get Lifted
John Legend

Prince - I Wanna Be Your Lover (Official Video) by Prince-Official
I Wanna Be Your Lover

I Wanna Sex You Up
Color Me Badd


SNL Penis Rap S41 Ep11: The SSL Review

This is an SSL Review of a skit called "At the Club" During Ronda Rousey's hosting in 2016. (You can find it HERE) For those who aren't familiar, here's the deets: SSL Reviews are only done for scenes that include depictions and/or discussions of female orgasm and/or masturbation. It doesn't necessarily say anything about the overall quality of a film or TV show - just those depictions/discussions. I'm looking for physical realism (is the physical thing happening to a woman while she orgasms actually a thing that could cause orgasm in women?), and I'm also looking for what part the scene plays in our cultural conversation about female orgasm and sexuality. So, thems the basics. If you want more TV SSL Reviews head HERE. Want some movie SSL reviews? Go HERE.

SNL Penis Size Skit (At The Club)
I have to say, I was super disappointed with this skit. It's getting a low vulva rating. Plus, I think they lost comic value by being status quo, but let me start in.

The story
So, there are 3 women at a club ( Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon and Ronda Rousy). They get approached by 3 men (Jay Pharoah, Taran Killam, and Beck Bennett). The ladies are all like, 'see ya. we're doing a girls night thing.' and then the guys are all over confident and like. 'I ain't worried if you're interested. We checking to see if you can handle us.' One guy, Beck Bennet, is clearly nerdier and less smooth than the other two.

Then the 2 smoother dudes start rapping exclusively about how big their dicks are and say things like,

"Got a D so big you can ride it like a boat. Throw it on the water, walk over it like a mote."
"I've heard people say mine's too much. I pulled it out my pants and I play double dutch."

There are cuts from time to time to the women, and we see them getting a little interested. Aidy Bryant even sexily purses her lips at them a little.

Then Beck Bennet starts in and says,

"Don't worry about mine, I'll go down on you."

It cuts right to the women who look at him, like, what the fuck? They are all confused and kind grossed out. Then it cuts to his friends looking at him like, WTF?

The two smooth guys continue to rap about their big dicks and between their parts Beck Bennet cuts in with the following lines:

"What if I just go down on you, and I don't take my pants of?"

"I throw you on the bed, my pants are on. My shirt is on. My hat is on. My socks are on. My jacket's on. Blurred Lines!"

"When I pull off my pants there's another pair of pants. Pants on. No negotiation."

"We've been doing all the talking. Let's let her talk. Like, what's your favorite fashion and way to dance? Is it bell bottoms and the boogie woogie or a satin blouse and the cha cha cha?"

He even pops in right after one of the guys sings about his massive penis and says, "must be nice."

 After all his lines, there is a cut to the women who are clearly not liking what he is saying. Aidy Bryant shakes her head 'no' at one point. and later says to him, "You're not even trying to rhyme." To which he replies, "I am trying!"

Toward the end, he just stops wrapping and kinda mumbles, "I got a great job, I'll go down on you. What are we even..."

He trails off and it cuts to the girls really unimpressed then back to him, where he says, "I don't love it, but I'll do it."

At the end, his friends and the women walk away from him, and he kinda desperately says to a random women walking by, "I got a small penis, but I'll go down on you."

My Thoughts
Okay, this is technically not eligible for an SSL review because it doesn't specifically talk about female orgasm or masturbation, but I'm reviewing because I think it actually insinuates heavily about female orgasm and I think it definitely places itself in the cultural conversation about female orgasm.

So, the insinuation with this skit was that big dicks are a way to entice women sexually. I'm not going to dog on that because hey - big dicks can be kinda fun for things. They look pretty, at least. But the skit further insinuates something problematic, I would argue, and that is that big dicks also give women orgasms. I say this because the guy who has a small dick gives his willingness to go down as an alternative to having a big dick. Kinda like he's saying he clearly can't satisfy them with his dick, but he can satisfy them with his mouth.

Let me say a few things:

  • Women don't orgasm through stimulation inside their vagina (seriously - maybe a few women out there do, but scientists haven't actually identified them yet).  The insinuation that women do orgasm this way might come from a disturbingly common cultural assumption, but it's actually quite inaccurate, backward, and harmful to female orgasm
  • Why were the women turning their noses up at a dude going down on them? Getting ate out is almost universally known to be awesome, but yet when it's going up against the possibility of intercourse with a big dick, it's like WAY lesser for some reason? That's some intercourse-centric bullshit. That comes from the sad and strangely deep feeling in our culture that real sex is intercourse and that it is hands down the best sex for all involved...which is completely counter intuitive to the uncontroversial truth that over 70% of women have NEVER orgasmed from intercourse. So, nice job keeping the terrible shit stain of a sexual status quo, SNL skit.
  • Let me go back to this offer of a fully clothed man going down on you. So, this is not good? A woman would not want to leave a club with a dude who would make her come with his mouth and then not want to show her his stranger-danger dick??? She would not want to set back all satisfied and glad she didn't have to even worry about some sweaty dude assuring her he'll make her come with his dick, pounding on her for far too long because he drank a little too much and can barely get it up much less come in a timely manner? That's bullshit. I refer you to Bridget Everett's brilliantly hilarious, song, 'Put Your Dick Away.' 
  • If a D is so big you can ride it like a boat, IT'S TOO BIG. Ain't no lady got time for that. Ain't no lady want to get with a dude trying to have a good time, but end up spending the night trying to contort her body so that he can't get his giganto dick in far enough to further bruise her cervix.
  • The joke about guys having a small dick not being satisfying to ladies is not only inaccurate, but it's tired comedy. Let me put forth a better, more realistic, more fresh, and more funny direction this skit could have gone. It starts as before with the dudes rap-bragging about their giganto dicks and then instead of tired small dick jokes, it moves to a guy bragging about his average dick; about how comfortably he would fit, and how he would not bang their cervixes til they couldn't walk, and how actually he'll probably just jerk himself off while he eats her out, so the size of his dick doesn't really matter anyway...and other things like that. I'm sure starting from the premise, the SNL writers could come up with better stuff than I just did in 5 minutes. Anyway, my point is small dick jokes are usually stupid and kinda not on-point and there's better comedy out there.

The Vulva Rating
So, this SNL skit gets 1 vuvla. I am only giving a vulva out because there is some talk about eating out, and no matter the context I'll generally support that slightly. But otherwise, this song reinforced a misguided and wholey inaccurate sexual status quo that says interercourse is the ultimate in sexual interactions and that the bigger the dick the the more interested in and satisfied with it the ladies will be. And, it wasn't great comedy.



Broad City S3 Episodes 8 & 9 - The SSL Review

SSL Review Intro
I'm continuing to move through season 3 of Broad City, SSL Reviewing the shit out of it when eligible scenes arise. Eligible scenes being those that include depictions and/or discussions of female orgasm and/or masturbation. That's the only thing I comment on in these reviews. I'm looking for physical realism (if a lady is masturbating to orgasm by rubbing weed against her face, I will call bullshit on scientific and basic anatomical ground), and I'm also looking for what part the scene plays in our cultural conversation about female orgasm and sexuality. So, thems the basics. If you want more TV SSL Reviews head HERE. Want some movie SSL reviews? Go HERE.

Season 3 Episode 8

The Shower Scene
Abbi is showering with a dude.  It begins while she's shampooing her hair as the dude is eating her out. Well, actually, I don't know that. I assume heavily that is what's happening. She's standing, and he's knelt down in front of her facing her, but he's completely out of frame. He could honestly be doing anything down there, and there are no verbal clues about what specifically is happening body part to body part. Maybe he's getting in real close to give it a good look and diddling that clit with his palm. I mean who knows the writers' and actors' intentions behind this scene. However, I feel like most viewers would definitely assume oral sex is happening, so that's what I'm going to assume was happening.

Okay, again I don't know the specifics, but I can say these 2 things about what's happening.
  1. Abbi verbalizes and moves in a way that would seem that whatever he's doing to her feels real good. 
  2. She's standing upright and steady while he's doing whatever he's doing down there. She's not moving like she's getting fingers rammed in and out of her puss or like she's maneuvering to spread her legs in any way. So, that would make me assume he's messing with the upper parts of the vulva area - which is absolutely the area that needs to be stimulated for lady-gasms.
My aside about trade-off oral
Oh - did I mention that they kept trading off. He goes down, then her, then him... - getting each other aroused and switching before anyone pops off. Did I also mention that I'm a big fan of the trade-off oral? 'Cause I surely am. I love getting oral- that's 100% true. I also like giving some oral as much as the next girl, but can we all agree that giving head is 300% better if you are horny while doing it? And can we further agree that you are a hell of a lot less horny after your come? We need to take that into consideration more when we're planning the oral turns. Like, when one person gets serviced before starting in on the other, then one of you has to go down on the other even though their recent orgasm just immediately popped them back into an un-horny reality where everything is just a little more gross. It's more fun to sorta travel that horny, senseless, gross road to orgasm together, or at least closer together, like Abbi and this dude did.

Okay -back to the shower scene
Anyway, during this back and forth, he asks her to go to dinner with him and she eventually says yes. He pops up, and she begins to take her turn going down, and the following conversation happens:
Dude: Oh - you don't have to. Um, I uh...I actually finished when you said yes.
Abbi: Ahhh :) -  I definitely didn't though*
Then she kinda pushes his head down and leans her head back like she's enjoying it before the scene cuts.

*Just so you know, I added the smiley face emoticon in there to give you a sense of her tone. I believe emoticons should become standard tone punctuation, but we don't need to discuss that here.

What does it all mean?
So, let's review:
  • This was a situation in which a woman and man are having a sexual situation that does not involve intercourse. 
  • They are enjoying it and both orgasm (or at least they both expect to)
  • There is no sense from the characters or the tone of the show that their style of sexual interaction is weird 
  • The physical things that were assumed to be happening to the woman are things that could actually cause a woman to orgasm
  • A woman unabashedly expects orgasm in a sexual act that could actually cause her to orgasm and her partner and the tone of the scene treat that as completely normal
Put all that together, and that's some progressive, orgasm equality style television. You'd think that this kind of sexual interactions in TV and Movies wouldn't be so rare, but it is. Most sexual interaction is intercourse, women are often shown to orgasm from only p-in-v stimulation (which in reality is rare at best), and women are often made to seem weird or too aggressive if they actively pursue orgasm in any other way besides P-in-V.

Season 3 Episode 9
This is a simple one that really just barely qualifies for an SSL Review, but I like it, so I'm reviewing it.

Abbi and Ilana are going on a trip, and the morning they leave, they are talking on the phone. They're asking each other if they packed certain things, ya know, to help each other not forget things. One of the things Abbi asks Ilana is if she packed her vibrator - which she did.

The reason this simple dialogue is important is that it normalized:
  1. the owning of a vibrator, 
  2. the fact that a woman would take a vibrator on a trip,
  3. and the fact that a friend would know about the vibrator and understand that it should be packed.                                                                                                          
The scene and the characters treated this all as par for the course, and so all those things were normalized, which means that other things get normalized by association, like:
  1. women masturbating, 
  2. women admitting to friend that they masturbate, 
  3. women's use of vibrators in partnered sex, 
  4. and women's need for the kind of clitoral/vulva stimulation that vibrators provide. 
Those are the kinds of things that need to be normalized in order for women to gain orgasm equality in the bedroom. So simple, but so progressive.

The Vulva Rating
Broad City consistently knocks it out of the park with orgasm equality style revolution. They slide it in with humor, and hoards of people get to ingest the realistic, clit-centric, lady-bation loving, equal-opportunity-orgasm sex having shenanigans.

This is another 5 out of 5 vulva rating.


Random Hite Report #17

Hello, welcome again to one of my favorite segments on the SSL blog, Random Hite Report! It's simple really. I flip through the pages of the The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality  (or sometimes The Hite Report on Male Sexuality) by a one Ms. Shere Hite and copy the contents of the page where I land - no more no less. Anyone who reads my blog will know that this 1976 book is a fave of mine; not only because of its realistic and progressive insight about the female orgasm that is still shockingly relevant 40 years later,  but also because of its very touching insight into the lives of the women who took part in this huge, comprehensive survey. This is an under-appreciated and under-read book if you ask me - I suggest you buy it online (seriously, you can get them for like 1 cent) and read it.

 So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 435 From chapter "Sexual Slavery" in the section called 'LOVE'

It happens that the section 'LOVE' starts 1/2 page back from the page I flipped to, and it seemed easier to copy from the beginning of that section until end of page 435 instead of trying to use my own words to introduce what was happening on pg. 435. So, that's what I did. Enjoy.

    But somehow, the truth is more complicated than the simple idea that women are oppressed in bed as elsewhere out of "habit" - simply because "just as women are used to serving men their coffee, so they are used to serving them their orgasms." It is still remarkable how easily we bring ourselves to orgasm during masturbation, and how totally we can ignore this knowledge during sex with men. It seems clear that we are often afraid to use this knowledge during sex with men because to do so would be to challenge male authority. Somehow it is all right for a woman to demand equal pay, but to demand equality in sex is not considered valid.
   Why are women afraid to challenge men in bed? First, they fear losing men's "love." The question of what love is, of course, is very complicated, but it is clear that as seen throughout this chapter, the importance of sex for women is inextricably bound up with love:  
   "Sex for me is a very private and almost sacred thing. To me sex means the supreme proof of love."
    "In my own case, I desire happiness, togetherness, love, etc., and I know that if for no apparent reason I kept refusing sex, I would lose some of the happiness in my life, and I might lose the love my man has for me. He would assume that something was wrong and make changes, perhaps excluding me from his life."
    "It's a trade. Like my mother says, men give love for sex. Women give sex for love." 
It does seem to many sex researchers and therapists that the fear of losing a man's love is holding many woman back from having orgasms with men. According to Helen Kaplan in The New Sex Therapy: 
...The frank reaching for sexual pleasure may mobilize unconscious fears (in a woman) that she will be abandoned. She may be afraid that her husband will get tired of 'catering' to her. Or, if the patient assumes superior position in coitus, she may be afraid that her husband will find her unsatisfactory sexually because she is unattractive in that sitting-up position. These fears may have some basis in reality. The husband may, in fact, become impatient or rejecting. Moreover, if he feels that his sexual role has been pre-empted, this experience may give rise to anxiety in the husband as well, and in that event he may defend against this anxiety by behaving in ways that repel or frighten his wife.1
Similarly, Fisher found that the only difference psychologically between those women who were able to orgasm with their husbands (they were all married) and those who were not involved love. Fisher reported that: 
...the prime difference between women who are high and low in orgasmic consistency is their alarm about losing what they love. The low-orgasmic woman feels that persons she values and loves are not dependable, that they may unpredictably leave her. She seems to be chronically preoccupied with the possibil-...


Intercourse Still Rules: Glee and Shows Like It Toe the Line

So, I was looking through old drafts in my blog, and found this from 12/12/11. I never published it for some reason. Also, as for a Glee watching update on my end: We did watch through at least the first season where some of them were in New York, like I saw Rachel rehearsing for Funny Girl on Broadway and have this wierd fight with Santana cause Santana was her understudy, but was pretty much way better actually, but then Santana had an epiphany or something I think and she dropped the whole thing or something like that...it was a few years ago. Anyway, but then we just stopped. It just got extra boring - we didn't have the gumption anymore. That's it. I think it's off the air now, though, so enjoy this flashback.

Glee. Oh Yeah, I'm gonna write about Glee again. I know there is a strong and pulsating hatred of Glee out there that sets beside the wild unabashed love of the same show. I, like probably many others, sit in between. I hate many of the characters, a fair amount of the writing, some of the songs, and some of the ridiculous stereotypes the show promotes.Yet, it's got some funny parts, sweet parts, and progressive moments. For instance, I just saw an episode where Finn (who I usually hate) sings a haunting version of Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. The hell I say? That's right, it was actually a really cool take on that song. Also, when I watch it, it feels like the 42 minutes of show is a full feature length movie. I don't know why or how, but the show seems to go on forever - which you might think means I'm just utterly bored, but actually just leaves me feeling fulfilled, like I've watched a whole hell of a lot of TV.

Anyway, I'm writing about Glee because tons of people of all ages and background see it. It is pop culture, which is, in many ways, the most common way we learn about what is normal when it comes to sex and sexuality.

This brings us to the Glee episode "First Time," which is in fact about losing the ol' Virginity. The issue I have with this episode is a little more vague than my usual critiques. There were no specific depictions or discussions of female sexual response to speak of. What it did have was more of the same ol' same ol'. It reiterated the crappy ideas we're already feeding teenagers:
  • Intercourse is the most important sex act. 
  • A person is not truly sexual until they do the ol' in and out. 
  • Intercourse is equated to love; making it super duper special. 
  • Other types of sex acts - like masturbation, manual sex, or dry humping barely exist as options for lovers, and even if they did, they are not the main course, and they obviously don't express love the way that intercourse does.
  • No one ever says it outright, but the insinuation made by these situations is that intercourse is awesome. Awesome must mean orgasm. Therefore intercourse must be orgasmic for all involved! 
  • Also, it really seems like the couples in these shows literally just go from making out to fucking, as if you have 2 options for teen lovin' 1. You make out and maybe do some under the shirt stuff if you want to stay safe, pure and SO COMPLETELY SEXUALLY UNSATISFIED. 2. If you want to FINALLY get some satisfaction, well, ya gotta fuck.
I'm really just using Glee because it's so popular, and I just watched that episode, but that's the same message we're getting from almost any TV show aimed at teenagers - or adults for that matter. I know it's a pipe dream right now, but wouldn't it be awesome to see a show where instead of dwelling on intercourse (the most risky and anti-female-orgasming type of sexual interaction)  it is insinuated that one or more of the couples on the show are engaging in mutual masturbation or exploring by giving each other handies*...and they are loving it. It's disease free, pregnancy free, quite intimate, and equal opportunity orgasm inducing for both the gal and the guy. Why aren't we promoting this more and intercourse less?

Watching that show just reminded me how very radical it still is to talk about non intercourse forms of sexual interaction at all; much less to consider them as equally bonding, loving, and special as intercourse. I won't hold my breath, but I hope one day I'll see my dream fulfilled on some silly teen show in 15 years.

 (*I didn't mention oral simply because we're talking about teens and everyone's always worried about teens and disease and all that, and oral is still exchanging bodily fluid membrane to membrane, and there's not widely used protection out there for that, so I'm just being like all public health minded with the handies and MM. Please don't mistake that for a disinterest in a good eatin' out - 'cause I. LOVE. THAT. SHIT.)