So there is a fab lady named Jill Hamilton. She made it into the Orgasm Equality Allies List a good while ago for her various writings. She's awesome and she's goddamn funny. She writes the blog In Bed With Married Women, which you will not regret reading.
Now here's where Hustler comes in. She had a give away on her blog, and we readers had to comment and tell her what we wanted so she could pick randomly and ship shit out to us. I saw she had a vintage Hustler, and so I asked - nay begged - for it. I promised to both SSL Review it cover to cover and to also masturbate to it. She chose me, but not randomly. It was because she wanted me to do all those things, and do them I will!
I received the September 1977 issue of Hustler in the mail. It was a good day. On my first quick scan, I must admit, my modern sensibilities were...well...a bit shocked. I'll get into some of that in later posts, but let me just say I really never fully understood where the term Chester the Molester came from, and now I certainly do. For now, though, I'm simply going to look into the advice section and give a little SSL Review. This, my friends, is merely the beginning - enjoy!
Advice and Consent (p111-112)
Clearly this is the advice section where readers write in and get answers. They warn at the beginning that this advice doesn't replace advice and care of a doctor, but it doesn't say who is actually writing the advice. It's edited by someone named Susi Green though. I'm going to copy down word for word each of the SSL Reviewable questions/answers and add a quick SSL review at the end of each one. Just as a reminder, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussion and/or depiction of female orgasm and/or female masturbation in media (usually I do this for movies or TV not magazines, though). I will particularly pay attention to the realism and scientific accuracy of the depiction/discussion and how it fits within the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality.
1
My boyfriend and I have been living together for four years and we have a two-year-old daughter. We don't have sex every night, but when we do, I have a hard time coming. He has no trouble at all. We've come to the conclusion that I've been trying too hard. Is this really possible? Is there anything I can do or take to help with this problem?
N.S
Akron Ohio
It is possible to try too hard to achieve orgasm. Orgasm is a neurovascular reflex, and should not require concentration or conscious effort. Anxiety caused by failure to reach orgasm can inhibit physical response to sexual stimulation. A woman whose mind is filled with worry that she won't function as she thinks she must, or who has fears of inadequacy or abnormality, and is concerned about reaching orgasm probably will not. Orgasm is the result of physical and mental stimulation, and therefore must be felt rather than consciously achieved. Experimentation, either alone or with your partner, can help you discover what is most stimulating to you. Often a vibrator is useful in conditioning your sexual reflexes and revitalizing the nerves that carry the sensations to your brain. Concentrate your efforts on feeling pleasure and stimulation rather than achieving orgasm. Enjoy the sexual excitement and let your pleasure be your guide.SSL Review comments: Well, this is not so off base. The parts about how anxiety can block the natural progression of arousal and orgasm is pretty on-point. Focusing on what feels good and not worrying about how your body will or should react is a sensible plan of action. I also fully endorse their endorsement of investigation through masturbation and the use of a vibrator.
However, I think they miss, as most advice columns today also miss, an important discussion. Was this woman's outer clitoral/vulva area being stimulated sufficiently every single time these two had sex? I'm certain his penis was. If when she said 'sex,' she meant penis-in-vagina intercourse, and she was wondering why he had an easy time coming and she didn't, then the answer is not that she's trying too hard. It's that her organ of sexual please (the clit) is probably being largely ignored, and his organ of sexual pleasure (the penis) is getting constant, lovely, warm stimulation inside that vagina.
Seriously, intercourse does not female orgasm make. My advice to her would be to make sure she can orgasm through masturbation, and then work with her man to fully incorporate those things that make her orgasm during masturbation into their sex life. For real though, if our culture ever really, truly let it sink in that outer clitoral/vuvla stimulation is what causes female orgasm (in the same way it is truly sunk in that penile stimulation is what men need to orgasm), there would be so fewer ladies out there writing into advice columns about why they are having trouble orgasming.
2
I'm a male in my late 20's. Recently I met this women in her early 30's. When it came to sex she said the only thing that gives her pleasure was my using a vibrator on her. When we get in bed she doesn't enjoy my sucking on her breasts or going down on her. She stated quite bluntly that she only enjoys playing with herself. Should I drop her and stop wasting my time?
H.S.
Brooklyn, New York
Yes. This woman apparently feels either conscious or subconscious contempt towards men, and through this type of sexual restriction is psychologically castrating them. It is obvious that she has psychological problems and needs professional help. It would also be a good idea for you to reconsider your feelings about sex. Your indecision may indicate possible masochistic tendencies.SSL Review comments: Uh, damn. Calm the hell down, ya'll. The dude never said she wouldn't allow him to orgasm or have intercourse with her. He just said that she was very clear about what things she liked done to her. For all we know, the two have the ol' intercourse, he gets off, and she does too...because he was stimulating her clit (HER ORGAN OF SEXUAL PLEASURE) with a vibrator. Honestly, what's at all wrong with that? I mean, I would encourage her to give a good pussy eatin' a second chance (am I right?), but that's something that can be worked up to. She probably had shitty experiences with it in the past. He's going to have to build some trust with her and put some work in. I'm sure she'll come (get it? come) around.
She's also probably over dudes fucking her with no external clitoral stimulation (and thus no orgasm for her), so she found a way to get off on the regular, and she's sticking with it. That's actually awesome. This dude probably just wants to be able to give more pleasure to her in the sexual relationship, and that's a valid want that could surely be worked on with communication.
But just for another perspective let me throw this out there. Maybe we're not getting the whole story here. Maybe this guy isn't really hearing this women. Maybe just because she wasn't into the things that he thinks should get her all excited and orgasm-y (like fucking her without a vibrator), he thinks she's not into anything, but clearly she's into him using a vibrator on her. Is that not good enough? Also, maybe he's bad at the stuff he's trying to do to her but he's an ass and won't try new things or things her way. Maybe he isn't taking directions or criticism well so he just gets indignant and starts writing to Hustler about how ridiculous she is. Maybe he's sucking too hard on her nipples or she's told him a thousand times she doesn't get much from nipple stimulation (lots of women don't) but he won't listen because he likes to suck nipples and likes to feel like he's getting the woman off doing it, or maybe when he eats her out he keeps trying to just stick his tongue in and out of her hole instead of focusing on her clit area (sadly, it happens more than it should). Maybe she's the one that should leave his ass. Maybe Hustler should have told him to talk and listen to her and work on trying new things from time to time instead of calling her a psycho man hater and him a masochist. I don't know, just another take on it, ya know?
3
My wife and I have a great sex life. For the past year or so she has been sucking me off while I lick her soft, hairy bunny and enjoy her coming three or four times. I usually only come once. Is there something wrong with me because I only cimax once compared to my wife's three or four?
A couple of years ago I got hung up with a fantastic 38-year-old chick, and in an hour I could come three times. She had to be a pro, because she was so adept and never let up on me. Do you think a change more often would help me?
R.C.
Southington, Connecticut
You don't need help - in fact , millions of men would be glad to have your "problems." Women are much more capable of having multiple orgasms than men, while men are much more capable of achieving orgasm every time they engage in sex. The average man is capable of one ejaculation per session without straining himself. The novelty of a new sexual relationship and an especially exciting woman can boost your sexual ability - temporarily. As the newness wears off, though, so does the perpetual hard-on. Only about 7 percent of all men are consistently capable of multiple orgasms. Women who regularly climax three or four times are almost as rare as sexual supermen. You should quit trying to set sexual records and count your blessings.SSL Review comments: First off, men are actually not much more capable of achieving orgasm every time they engage in sex - at least not in like a natural or biological sense. Women can orgasm during masturbation as quickly easily and reliably as men do. Problem is that mostly when men and women have sexual encounters, they have vaginal intercourse with little to no clitoral stimulation - so realistically women don't orgasm as much. But if most of the sex men had didn't involve sufficient stimulation of the penis, men would be in the same boat women are. Just wanted to make that clear.
Otherwise, I'm actually kinda bored by this one. I don't feel much like talking about it. Men can have multiple orgasms too. It seems to be when they are able to hold their ejaculation (orgasm and ejaculation are different things in both men and women) till the last orgasm. For women it happens for some, but it's not like a marathon event. It's like a few more orgasms very close together or one orgasm that lasts a bit longer (20 seconds - a minute) than men's usually do. So, whatever. Orgasms are nice. Enjoy what you got. Try new things if you want to experiment. That is all.
4
Since my girlfriend is a great lay, we spend most of our time in bed. I've never seen anyone like her. With other girls, when they would come, I would sometimes feel a little flutter in their vaginas. My girlfriend's pussy squeezes my cock like it was trying to choke it. It feels great, and lasts about a minute. Is that normal?
A.M. Boston, Massachusetts
This is perfectly normal. When a female experiences orgasm, the muscles of the vagina contract at least three or four times, and some do so fifteen times or more. The strength and duration of these contractions vary from woman to woman.SSL Review comments: It's true. The vagina will rhythmically contract during orgasm. It's because for both men and women, the pelvic muscles tense during arousal and then release that tension with rhythmic contractions at orgasm, and there are subtle differences between each person's strength rhythm and amount of contractions. The contraction of those muscles will contract the anus for everyone. For men it squeezes the urethra and helps project the ejaculate out (because most of the time for men, orgasm and ejaculation happen at pretty much the same time). For women it squeezes the vaginal canal and the uterus and all that.
Anyway, so yeah the vagina squeezes rhythmically during orgasm, but can dudes always feel that with their dick? I don't know. An engorged dick is actually not that sensitive. A finger would probably feel it way better. Was he saying that his girlfriend's vag just straight squeezed it for like a minute? That's kinda wierd because a minute long orgasm is pretty long and the squeezing would be rhythmic, not really like it was choking it. Maybe she's got a strong pus, but let's not throw out the possibility that she heard somewhere that the vagina constricts at orgasm and so while this dude was banging her vagina and ignoring her clit, she faked her orgasm with an intentional strong squeezing of his dick for as long as she could keep it up - and maybe that's why it feels so strong...because intentionally squeezing your pussy creates a lot more pressure than an orgasm, me thinks.
Bonus non-SSL Reviewable one, just because...:
I am 57 years old and I love my wife's snatch. Seven years ago I lost an eye and I haven't been able to get a hard on since. Is there any help for me?
J.K.
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
There may be help for you. The loss of an eye may have a psychological effect on you, or there may have been slight brain damage that was not detected at the time. Close examination of the sex organs, nervous system and spine may disclose an impairment. If no physical problem is found, psychological investigation may help you learn to cope with your loss and regain your sexual ability.
