2.26.2015

Reverend Hornibastard and the Case of the Male Orgasm



A little over a month ago, I wrote a long post detailing and defending my stance on the definition of the female orgasm as part of a debate I agreed to do with Edward Clint over at Skeptic Ink. Turns out a guy who calls himself Reverend Hornibastard (because, honestly, why wouldn't you call yourself that), read it and asked me some thoughtful questions in the comments. We had an enjoyable exchange, and a couple days later he commented that he had written something inspired a bit by my blog post.

He has a blog called Hornibastard's Mad Muse (obviously), and he decided to write a post about the what the male orgasm is. You can find it HERE. He first spoke about my post, and what I really appreciate is that he got a lot of what I was saying - that a clear definition of the female orgasm must be used by everyone from researchers to sex advisers to pretty much anyone who speaks on the subject, if we as a culture are ever going to be able to move forward on the subject. Right now, we're talking around each other more than anything. Anyway, he got that, and honestly, that's a part of my argument that people seem to disregard or misunderstand a lot, so I very much appreciate him saying what he said.

Then he went on to speak about how he defines orgasm for himself. His thoughts are self-admittedly informal and anecdotal, so not exactly great to draw larger conclusions from, but they are personal and he doesn't try to make them more than that. I'm always interested to hear how people view and experience their orgasms and sexual pleasure. I think it's incredibly interesting and important. Here's how he began

All this got me thinking, "What defines the male orgasm?"
This may seem like a silly question to most people. Everyone regards the male orgasm as the point when the male ejaculates. The sudden emission of semen and all the exquisitely pleasurable convulsions of the muscles in the male's erogenous zones that produce that geyser of baby batter defines the male orgasm for nearly everyone.  
But not for me.  
Like almost everyone else, my orgasms almost always coincide with ejaculation and all those wonderful muscle contractions that make the ejaculation happen. But a lifetime of unofficial, informal research suggests that there is more to a male orgasm than the emission of semen. There is also a vital psychological component.

He goes on to describe times when "semen unexpectedly started shooting out of" his kielbasa  when he was only beginning to get excited; times when we woke up having splooged in his sheets without going to bed horny or remembering any erotic dreams; Times when he felt an orgasm but nothing came out.
By the same token, I've occasionally had a "dry orgasm." In those instances, I was extremely happy and felt like it was time to discharge my bazooka. But when those intensely pleasurable reflexive muscle convulsions got underway, absolutely nothing came out. 
Nada. 
Nary a drop. 
Despite the lack of a proper ejaculation, I still regarded those events as orgasms. They felt like orgasms (in both the physical and psychological senses).
He uses all these anecdotes to point out that he doesn't feel as though he can define his orgasm in a clinical way. He concludes with:
I realize my analysis is informal and anecdotal, but for me the physiological markers alone do not define what I call an orgasm. The right emotional and psychological states must coincide with those physiological events. 
Researchers can define an orgasm however they want, but I will always cherish most the orgasms that meet my own personal criteria.
I love that ol' Reverend Hornibastard is thinking and writing about this topic. I think that the discordance people feel between a very clear physiologic definition of orgasm and the way they feel and experience their orgasms and their sexual pleasure is one of the trickiest and most charged parts of the conversation SSL is trying to elicit. Putting labels on anything is generally gross to people, but particularly when talking about something like orgasm which, although a physiologic event, is so deeply intertwined with emotion, love, pleasure, and human contact. It's a hard (pardon the pun) conversion, but an important one to pick through, so Thank You, Thank You Reverend Hornibastard.

Now, I'm going to be picky ol' me and point out a physiological thing that struck me as important to the points he was making. Orgasm and ejaculation are actually different physiologic events for men, just as they are with women. Normally men experience them in perfect tandem, so that the ejaculate is pushed out into the urethra (the ejaculation) and the spasms of the pelvic muscles (the orgasm) propel it with force out of the penis. They can happen without the other though.



From what I've read, it seems like men who can have multiple orgasms do so by controlling their bodies in such a way that they orgasm sans ejaculation until the ejaculation finally happens and puts an end to the fun. There can also be ejaculations without orgasm - for instance with prostate stimulation minus the penile stimulation. I don't really have an data or studies to back this up, but I've often wondered if for men, a significant component to their level of pleasure at orgasm related to how well their body happened to time the ejaculation with it. So, maybe an ejaculation happening just slightly earlier or later than the orgasm could make the whole thing feel quite different. Maybe an early ejaculation puts a bit of a kibosh on the orgasm following it. I don't know, and I don't even have the male junk to test these thoughts on and give you some personal anecdotal experiences. I just wanted to point out that maybe for Hornibastard and for other men too, some of the variation they feel in their sexual releases have more to do with physiological issues and a little less to do with emotion than one might think.

To me, his post made me even more interested in seeing how clear definitions in regard to sexual release could possibly help people - men and women - understand, describe, and pursue their orgasm in better more thoughtful ways.

Sorry I'm always over-analyzing these types of thing, Mr. Reverend Hornibastard, but that's the nature of my blog. Thank you again for writing about this, thinking about this, and for talking about your experiences. Rock on with your self and you Mad Muse blog!

2.21.2015

Our Latest Review at IndyRed.com



Well, we finally did it. We missed out on a perfect score because we're just too damn gross. Science, Sex, and the Ladies got ourselves another review over at Indy Red. It's a really cool indie movie review site from out of Ontario. The review made us blush a little bit, but it seems our movie made the reviewer blush a bit too. Here's how the reviewer summed it up.
As I wrote above, from a technical view this should score a five! However, I don't feel right about scoring Science Sex and the Ladies a perfect score when I know in my heart that a large number of viewers wouldn't make it through the first 15 minutes. But let me add that for any unsure people who may want to watch... do yourself a favor and push through the uncomfortable parts. A real Gem awaits if you do.


We thought it was a pretty nice review. The truth is we, and in particular Charlie, spent a shit-ton of time making sure that the technical quality of the movie was up to par. The parts like final sound and score that we couldn't assure quality with, we raised money for (Thanks again you fabuloso Kickstarter Backers!). So, having someone say they were impressed with it meant a lot to us. We also love to hear that people thought it was funny and entertaining and thought-provoking. But man, Charlie spent a shit-ton of hours in front of a monitor rotoscoping and creating backgrounds and all that tedious crap. Our thought was that if the quality of the picture and sound wasn't great, then no matter what the content, it would be disregarded. The strange part is that when the technical qualities of a movie are up to par, they become unnoticeable. They don't distract. They simply become the invisible medium for the creative part. People already expect that level of quality because it's what they are used to in Hollywood movies (well most). Things like bad sound just aren't tolerated, but for a movie as small as ours - getting to that point was no easy task, and a lot of indie movies this size, and even larger, don't reach it. So I guess I'm just saying that it's cool to have someone point out that our hard work paid off. We like praise.

Back to my point. Our movie just has too damn much vulva up front...or maybe it was our example porn? I'm not sure, but it does take people out of their comfort zone a bit - and that's intentional. Everything is in there for a reason. If something needed to be shown to  make a point, we showed that shit. The fake vulva and penis on a platter in the first scene is weird as hell, but we like to think it adds a bit of humor and anatomical correctness to the dinner table demonstration. That's just how this movie rolls, and actually the reviewer seemed to get that,
The only real complaint I have are the overly graphic areas of this film. What's funny is that the graphic parts also help make the film what it is! I also know that my feelings regarding these sections were more out of personal embarrassment... than anything really shown on screen. I am, after all an adult. Could it be that my personal feelings regarding the subject matter were half of what this movie was about? Maybe.
What's actually pretty funny is that I have really never gotten feedback - face to face or anonymous -that the graphic parts were bad or inappropriate within the movie. I do get a lot of feedback where someone say they don't mind it and they get it, but they worry that other people (maybe even most people) will have a problem with it. It's like everyone underestimates the ability for other people to handle this movie. I used to worry that we might have made a movie that is just too much for people, but the more people who see it and talk to me about it, the more I know that people are largely fine with the graphic parts. They might be a little uncomfortable, but they can reason away their own feelings. Now I just need to prove to people that other people will be okay with it too.

Anyway, we were over the moon about our 4 star rating at Indy Red, and a big thanks to the person over there that took the time to watch it and give it a thoughtful review! They get a 4 vulva rating from me (!)(!)(!)(!)

Here's the Full Review. Check it out. http://www.indyred.com/science-sex-and-the-ladies-review.html

2.18.2015

50 Shades of Grey - The SSL Review, Guest Style



Today is a very special guest SSL Review from the one and only Barnaby. He's one of the other 2 directors of Science, Sex and the Ladies, and he kindly volunteered to do the SSL Review for the much awaited 50 Shades of Grey. I'm all for a good guest review, so here it is. Enjoy the voice of Mr. Barnaby Aaron.

Fan’s of this blog might be disappointed to see that Trisha is not writing the review for this movie.  I mean this is 50 Shades, this is big.  So why is it being left to me?  Well, Trisha is in Brazil for work for 3 months.  She’s enjoying exotic locations, tropical climates, cheap and delicious Brazilian Steakhouses, and next week she’ll be enjoying Carnivale in freaking Brazil!  Not to mention all the different varieties of juices available to her everyday,  I mean freaking watermelon juice for breakfast everyday!  Meanwhile, I’m stuck in Indiana where everything is puke green grey and dirty. The freezing wind is blowing the will to live out of my body, so if anybody is going to hate watch this abomination it’s going to be me.  Snarky bile is the only thing warming my insides.





First of all I want to talk about the movie itself and the cultural phenomenon surrounding its release. This movie has generated so much talk in the last couple of weeks and most of it has been bad.  Reportedly the stars of the movie, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan hate each other and their loathing for one another was pretty evident on their publicity tour.  Also, they seemed to be distancing themselves from the project, knowing that it was going to be bad.  Then the reviews starting coming in, and it seemed that everyone had a problem with the movie.  Bad writing, promotes unhealthy relationships, one dimensional characters,  misrepresentation of bdsm, bad directing, no chemistry, he isn’t hot enough,  the sex scenes are boring, it’s too long,  etc.  Yet, at the time of this writing, 50 Shades will have the biggest Valentine's Day Weekend boxoffice of all times.  Why is this?  I can think of two reasons.  The first reason is something I’ve mentioned before, Hate Watching.  This might seem like a stretch, but I believe that perhaps the producers of this movie have knowingly or unknowingly discovered a radical new way of marketing a film.  Promote it as a trainwreck and have all those irony loving hipsters come watch it.  I mean that is why I watched it, and it delivered with lines like, “I don’t make love, I fuck….hard”  and  “I’m fifty shades of fucked up.”   I’m not the only one who came out to hate watch. There is a lot to hate about this movie.  All the criticisms of the movie I mentioned before are legitimate.

But then, the second reason people came out to watch this movie, they like the story.  Despite it all, all the reasons it’s bad and damaging and silly and unrealistic, it is popular and that is why I started to feel gross about piling on.  50 Shades is not a deep movie that has profound things to say about sex or relationships or love, it’s a trashy romance novel come to the big screen.  It’s popular because it’s fantasy, and like most romance novels, it doesn’t adhere closely to realistic depictions of sex because that’s part of the appeal.  To quote our own movie, Science Sex and the Ladies  “Because women wish they could have them - the amazing, effortless vaginal orgasm is as appealing a character as the mysterious yacht captain, or the widowed antique dealer.”   It’s trashy fun that some women like, and that’s fine and totally legitimate.  

So did I like the movie?  Yeah, but maybe not for the right reasons.  It’s goofy as hell, and the writing is really stilted and weird, but I enjoyed that about the movie. Again, the irony thing, it made me laugh, and if the writing were better the movie would have been worse, if that makes any sense.  I thought Dakota Johnson’s Anastasia Steele was really good and not as one dimensional and bloodless as Jamie Dornan’s portrayal of Christian Grey.  The movie is two hours long but it kept my attention, and the way it ended made me want to see what happens next.  (The sequels need to happen...and with the same actors no matter how much they hate each other. Let’s keep the trainwreck rolling!)  Just one more quick thing before we get down to it, the names.  Christian Grey,  as in shades of (ugh).  Anastasia Steele, as in made of (uuugggh).  And there is one Hispanic actor in the movie, his name is Jose.   

Just a few things before we get into it.  I have not read 50 Shades, I heard a little bit about it before hand but have largely avoided it.  I wanted to go into the movie with as little knowledge of the book as possible so I won’t be comparing it to the book.  I’m just viewing it as a thing in itself.  Also I don’t know anything about bdsm so I’m not going to focus on how that stuff is presented.  I’m sure you can find a million reviews with that subject as the focus.  As always we will be looking at the depiction of female orgasm and trust me there is plenty there to talk about.

There is a lot of sex in the movie but it’s hard to determine if there were no orgasms or constant orgasms. The biggest sin of this movie was that Anastasia seemed to have an orgasmic response to EVERYTHING THAT CHRISTIAN DID!!!!  For example, in one of the first scenes of the movie Anastasia meets Christian and is interviewing him.  There is obviously heavy sexual chemistry between the two, and once Anastasia leaves and walks outside, she lets out a heavy shuddering breath.  This is where the problems begin.  I was wondering “is this supposed to be an orgasm or just a display of arousal?”  Now if it were an orgasm it’s totally without any physical contact and therefore total BS, but if it’s just showing how aroused she was then it’s fine, but I couldn’t be totally sure one way or another, and it was a problem throughout the movie.  

Let’s go through through it instance by instance.  Anna and Christian have gone out a few times, and he has just flown her to his apartment.  She mentions that she is a virgin and has never done anything.  (Quick aside - I’m pretty sure that she means that she’s never had intercourse, given a hand job, blow job etc. I’m not sure if she means she has never masturbated, and a scene I will talk about later will cast some more doubt on whether she has or has not).  Anyway, he hears that and says “I need to rectify this situation” (I know).  They go to the bedroom and instantly she is breathing heavy and moaning at each kiss and caress.  He starts kissing down her body, same intensity moaning. He kisses her legs around her vulva, same intensity moaning. He returns to kissing her face, and you see his hand go down towards her vulva.  Now this is interesting, and it happens again in the movie.  His fingers were curved like in a hook. It looked to me to be the type of hand shape that would be good for stimulating the Gspot.  It seemed like he penetrated her with his hand, though I could be mistaken about this.  However, again she seemed to have the same level of moaning and writhing to this as all the other stimulation.  So after about 1.2 seconds of digital penetration, he lays her down, rips open a condom packet with his teeth (showing safe sex is good),  puts on the condom, and penetrates her - and again, moaning same level.  Then it cuts to him on top of her grinding away as she moans after each pump. It is the type of close grinding that could be stimulating to the clitoris.  Then cut to afterwards.  

This is the problem, there is no build up in these sexual encounters. This is not a realistic depiction of build up of arousal to orgasm.  She is either instantly very close to orgasm or she is orgasming, but I can’t tell which it’s supposed to be.  If you want to give the movie the benefit of the doubt I would say that all of her moaning and writing is depicting her arousal, and the orgasm happens off screen after the cut, but you could just as easily say she is orgasming constantly to everything.   It’s a pattern repeated in every sex scene.  

The next sex scene Christian lays her on her back and tells her to keep her hand above her head, foreshadowing the bondage to come later.  He starts kissing down her body. She is again instantly highly aroused/orgasming (I am going to mention this type of response a lot in this review so from now on I’m going to call it an arousgasm).  He is kissing down her body and is about to get to the vulva when they are interrupted.  I mention this scene because it continues an interesting trend that plays throughout the movie,  the build up to oral sex.  

The third sex scene is the first time they use bondage.  She is laying on her back, her hands tied above her head.  He places a blindfold over her eyes, to which she arousgasms.  Again he kisses down her body with an ice cube in his mouth, arousgasms the whole time. He stops at the belly button and flips her over, pulls out another condom, rips it open with his teeth, and does her doggie style, with her arousgasming the whole time.   It then cuts to afterward when they are lying in bed together and she says, “that was really nice.”   

A few things about this scene. It continues teasing the idea of him going down on her, which is an interesting concept.  I think in other movies he would have gone down on her in the first scenes and saved the intercourse for a later scene to build the anticipation of the act.  This movie is doing the opposite. Here we have a situation where oral sex is implied to be the final and maybe ultimate sex act.  Now for the doggie style. She is arousgasming but it doesn’t seem anymore intense than the act of him simply putting the blindfold over her eyes.  That, coupled with the fact that they are saving the oral sex makes me feel like they are making intercourse just another aspect of their sex lives together, not superior or inferior to any other act.  Another thing - he never orgasms on screen. It’s always implied he does either after the cut or not at all.       

The next part is not a sex scene but there are some interesting elements that could be seen to be supportive of clitoral orgasms.  Christian wants Anastasia to sign a contract that spells out the limits of their continuing dominant/submissive relationship.  There are many parts of the contract that spell out explicitly what is allowed within their relationship.  They have a meeting, and in the meeting they start talking about a passage about sex toys.  Anastasia says something along the lines of  “vibrators, yes.  dildos, ok.  genital clamps, no.”   I might be reading into this little part a bit, but I take it to mean that,  “Yes, I like vibrators because they are used to stimulate the clitoris.  Ok on dildos in that maybe your usage of them on me would be penetration which would be ok but not my fav,  and I’m not interested in genital clamps because I don’t see that as pleasurable for me at all.”   Now this kind of contradicts the part where she said she is a virgin and hasn’t done “anything,” because I think that using a vibrator is something that can inform your sexuality.  This might seem minor, but I think a virgin who masturbates would be able to have the opinion that vibrators are good, but one that never did probably wouldn’t have this insight.  It’s another gray area (sorry)  but one that I think should be clarified so that we can know why she is objecting to these conditions.

Later in the meeting when Christian is getting turned on and wants to have sex, Anastasia refuses saying it’s a business meeting.  He then points out that she is pressing her thighs together, her breathing is getting heavy and there is a  change in her complexion.  Pressing your legs together is a way to stimulate the clitoris and heavy breathing and a change in completion can be a sign of heavy arousal, so I’m going to give them credit for a good depiction on that one.    

There is a quick scene where Christian spanks Anastasia and she arousgasms.  That is about it. If she is just aroused, fine. If she is orgasming, not good.  

The next sex scene is the first in Christian’s playroom.  It’s where he has all his bdsm equipment.  He is the dominant, she the submissive.  He ties her up so that she is standing. He moves his hand down her body. Again with the hooked finger,  he digitally penetrates her for about 1.6 seconds, then starts kissing down her body, again stopping before he gets to the vulva. He then gets out the whip and starts whipping her lightly.  It then cuts to them having intercourse. She is still hanging with her hands above her. They are facing each other, and he is holding her bottom, thrusting into her.  Now she has been arousgasming this whole time, but the intensity of the arousgasm is higher at the point they are having the hanging intercourse.  I think she is more definitely having an onscreen orgasm.  So is this her first onscreen orgasm or just another more intense orgasm? I don’t know.  (I think I’ll call this an orgousal).  Now in their position there is some clitoral pelvic grinding possible but the strokes are much more intense than before, so I would think the implication is that she is having the orgasm due to more intense pumping, not more intense clitoral grinding.  The clitoral grinding in the first sex scene was much more evident than here.   So this scene is a step back for the movie, but it redeems itself in the next sex scene.

In the past, in a movie like this, there may have been scenes where the couple did oral or digital first and that would build up to a scene where intercourse is had.  This gives the obvious impression that intercouse is the ultimate.  To its credit, this movie does not do that.  In the second sex scene in Christian’s playroom,  Christian ties Anastasia down on a bed.  I believe she is blindfolded.  Christian takes out a feather and runs it up and down her body.  She is arousgasming at the instant the feather touches her. He then takes out a flail and gently whips her, and yes, she arousgasms.  And then after teasing it all movie long, he kisses down her body and finally, yes,  he goes down on her.   She arches up and has a pretty obvious and instant orgasm (or orgousal).  This is the final pleasurable sex act in the movie.  There is another sex scene where Anastasia is violently caned but she doesn’t like it, and doesn’t pretend to like it.   There has been a lot of unrealistic depictions of sex in this movie, but I do appreciate the implication that, by saving it for last and teasing it throughout the movie, oral sex, and assumably clitoral stimulation is seen as the most desirable sex act for a woman.  

I give this movie 2 out of 4 clits.  I wish they would have had Anastasia build up arousal to orgasm more clearly, but I did appreciate how they did not put intercourse above all other sex acts.  

(!)(!)

2.13.2015

CATGASM and Other Things



Okay, so I'm in Brazil now, and I'm not ready to write a proper blog right now so this will be a bit of a quick hodge-podge, so here goes.

1. 50 Shades of Grey is opening tonight, and clearly, that needs to be SSL Reviewed. I mean if it's anything like the book, there will be more lady-gasms had in ridiculously unrealistic ways than you can shake a stick at. However, I don't know when it's coming to Brazil, and if I can see a non-Portuguese dubbed version. Luckily, Barnaby, one of we three directors of SSL, offered to watch it tonight and write a guest SSL Review of it - so look forward to that.

2. I got to Brazil, worked one day, and then Carnival started. Well, it's this upcoming Tuesday, but it kinda goes from tomorrow (Saturday) thru Tuesday. My work is closed until Thursday. So, that's pretty awesome. Now I get to go to some beach near Rio with a co-worker to her parent's cabin for 4 days to chill and watch an old-school folk-style Carnival Parade (no topless ladies with giant feather headdresses). Anyway, I'm pretty into it, and that's why this blog post is so short.



3. Sometimes I just Google something that might be relevant to this blog to see if there's something out there on the internets that I might want to write about. Well, in that spirit I Googled "catgasm" that's right, "catgasm." Guess what? I found an awesome Tumblr title none other than CATGASM. There are lots of cute pictures of cats, and you should probably look at it. http://catgasm.tumblr.com/ 

2.05.2015

2 New Dirty Song Champs - 212 and Love Again!



There are 2 new additions to the SSL Dirty Songs Playlist today, thanks to SSL co-director Barnaby and SSL friend Stephanie. They both submitted badass songs that also discuss some lady-gasmy action. The tricky part about an SSL Dirty Song Champ is that it not only has to have sweet lady-gasm pleasure stuff, but it also has to specifically not talk about dicks making ladies orgasm. This is tougher than you would think to get that combo in one song. Yes, there's lots of great nasty songs out there that speak of clit lovin' and such, but they always be trying to throw some the-amazing-cock-gives-amazing-orgasms schtick. If you want to see the other SSL Dirty Song Champs go HERE. Okay, so here's the 2 new SSL Dirty Song Champs.

1. Love Again (Akinyele Back) (feat. Gansta Boo) from Run the Jewels

Not only is this a good song, but it's full of nasty ass stuff. Yeah, it talks a little about having the dick up in it (who can blame a gal for enjoying that), but it doesn't say that the ol' in and out makes her come, and it focuses mostly on lickin' the clit. The dude raps first and his hook talks about how much she loves having his dick in her mouth all day. The gal (Gansta Boo) raps last and her hook talks about how much he loves having her clit in his mouth all day. Now that's some reciprocity I can get behind! Thanks Barnaby.
Also, you will enjoy these lyrics. Go check them out.




2. 212 (feat. Lazy Jay) from Azealia Banks

I love this song. It's kick ass. Stephanie has good taste. This one is not as dirty as the other one, but it has 1 part that qualifies it as an SSL Dirty Song Champ...cause we like anything here that gives props to the ol' cunnilingus.
She know where I get mine from end of season
Now she wanna lick my plum in the evenin'
And fit that tongue tongue d-deep in
I guess that cunt gettin' eaten
I guess that cunt gettin' eaten
I guess that cunt gettin' eaten
I guess that cunt gettin' eaten
I guess it is, indeed. You will also enjoy these lyrics. I like the video a lot too.

2.02.2015

An SSL Review at the Independent Critic!



Science, Sex and the Ladies got another review! This one is over at The Independent Critic. Check it out HERE. The site is actually run by someone who lives in Indiana, but I didn't know that when I was sending out press kits. I'm always surprised at stuff we ol' Hoosiers are doing. There really is more than corn in Indiana (Hoosiers actually might be the only ones to get that. It's not just a random line made up because people often talk about corn and Indiana as one. It's a line from a long running commercial for Indiana Beach - an amusement park with a lake my sister once described as having "carp on carp")


Anyway, Richard, the critic over there at The Independent Critic, wrote some really nice stuff about this movie, and we thank him for taking the time to review it!

While this isn't the first doc I've seen to avoid the dreaded "talking head" approach to documentary filmmaking, one has to be impressed with the way this intimate yet important subject is approached and presented. 
While Science, Sex and the Ladies has its humor, you should know going into it that it doesn't make fun of sex, light of sex, or serve up sex in any sort of titillating way. This is a documentary, a well-informed documentary, and it takes its mission seriously and completes it incredibly well. - The Independent Critic