Random Male Hite Report #20

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Hello, friends. It's time for another Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.

Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.

Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

 The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 441

The following page is in the section called 'Relationships With Women' in a chapter called Portraits of Marriage.

"...would have to guess at it, but some of the relationships were as often as three or four times a week and sometimes with two different women at the same rate.
    "Since my present marriage, which is happy as I think one could be, I have had intercourse with my former second wife on two occasions, with a former bed partner who was probably the most sexually desirable woman I ever bedded, and the other one was a girl that for years I wanted to bed and when the opportunity came about eighteen months ago I did so, but was so conscience-stricken I did not go back when I could have. I think it is not too likely I will stray much again, although I think part of this is due to age rather than any great amount of honesty on my part.
    "I do not think these affairs in the past had any effect on my marriages - I was conscious of none. They have had none in this marriage and she does not know about them. I think she would break my neck if she did."

"I am married and have been for two years. Most of the time I enjoy the married life, but there are times when I would sooner be single again. I think most married couples feel this way from time to time, but it would take a hell of a lot to make me leave my wife. I like to think I am married because I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I got married out of loneliness, I guess. I did not want to be alone and my wife was the only person who seemed to fill the lonely space in my life. In many ways sex with my wife has become routine. I don't like it, but my wife seems to be happy with it, or at least she never indicates a change is needed. So to get the change, the spice I need, I have taken to finding casual lovers.
    "Complete monogamy, to me, is only in the thoughts of idealists in our society. One man or woman spending the rest of their life being totally with only one person is not possible. I don't think one person can give another person everything they want or need. I know my wife cannot give me everything I need and I know I can't give my wife everything she wants. True, there are a lot of couples who say they are completely happy, but I'll bet that this is just talk to many of them. Of course it would make life a lot easier if everybody could find one person who could take care of all their wants and needs, but I am afraid life just isn't like that.
    "My extramarital experiences were not of the open marriage type. If my wife ever asks me about them i will tell her truthfully, even try to explain to her why I had them even though i am sure she will not understand. But, until she asks, I will not bring them up because it would hurt her and I do not want to hurt her, ever.
    "It may be guilt, it may be something else, but after each one of the extra sex experiences I have had, I seem to be more in love with my wife. Or maybe it's that I can bear up for a little longer without imposing my will on my wife - since she does not seem to need sex or intercourse as often as I do. In a way, I guess. my casual affairs outside marriage are holding my marriage together. These affairs of mine have had little effect on sex with my wife. When she does show some interest, I am more than happy to make love with her, but until she does show interest I have my affairs.
    "In the beginning, I was very much in love with her. We worked together..."

Random Male Hite Report - #12

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Hello, friends. It's time for more Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.

Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.

Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

 The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 450

This is from the chapter INTERCOURSE. Under the question "When should a man ejaculate? Should the woman be consulted?"

...to terminate. Someone could always go on longer."
    "Personally I think the best time to ejaculate is at the end of a long series of thrusts. I usually like to thrust my way through a series of peaks, always backing of at the 'point of no return.' Finally, when I've decided I want to orgasm, I thrust away to a building, burning peak and quickly wash over it to my release. There is no need to consult the woman, because the final pattern and urgency of the thrusting communicates the ides."
    "A man should ejaculate when he's ready. Consultation is not needed."
    "Things should happen without a great deal of studied manipulation."
    "A strange question this, but a man should ejaculate when he has an orgasm and both he and his partner should set their sexual paces towards his orgasm, or orgasm for both. The woman should be consulted in a way, but orgasm will happen after so much stimulation, not on command." 

    Many said ejaculation was involuntary, and therefore consultation impossible:   
    "A man ejaculates when he can't hold it back any longer. It's not the type of thing you have a consultation over."
    "Frankly, I don't have too much control. I do let them know when I'm about to come."
    "I don't decide. It's when I finish climaxing."
    "I think sex ends in the majority of cases precisely when the male is 'finished.' My wife, for instance, can go on and on, whether she has had her orgasm or not-a man cannot do this. This is the reason, I think, that the male decides when to end sex."
    "After I'm done, it's over. I can't help it." 

    Some men resented the idea of consultation: 

    "Consult the woman? How? I wouldn't want to ask for her permission."
    "A man should ejaculate when he's damn good and ready, that's when. But, damn good and ready depends on my partner, and if she ain't damn good and ready, then I ain't either. 'Consulted?' Sounds like we're calling in medical advise as to whether or not to operate. A man and a woman should get to know each other, then they would know, or could at least lay a pretty good guesss, as to when his or his partner was going to come; one night stands excepted. Sex should end like it started, naturally, and together."
    "When he can't stand it another minute or second longer. Since women don't get any real pleasure out of when I come or thrusting, why should they be consulted? It's my orgasm."
    "When it comes, it shouldn't be forced or held back. I don't consult the woman, and I certainly don't expect her to consult me as to when she can orgasm. When it comes, it comes."

Random Hite Report #13

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Hello, welcome again to one of my favorite segments on the SSL blog, Random Hite Report! It's simple really. I flip through the pages of the The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality  (or sometimes The Hite Report on Male Sexuality) by a one Ms. Shere Hite and copy the contents of the page where I land - no more no less. Anyone who reads my blog will know that this 1976 book is a fave of mine; not only because of its shockingly realistic and progressive insight about the female orgasm,  but also because of its very touching insight into the lives of the women who took part in this huge, comprehensive survey. This is an under-appreciated and under-read book if you ask me.

 So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 486 From section "The Sexual Revolution" in chapter "Birth Control" and quoting women who were dissatisfied with their birth control options. (To put some of these comments in context, the original Pill that was on the marker had a much higher level of estrogen than was necessary and there was a lot of controversy at this time about the side effects of the drug. The companies actually didn't completely stop making the high-dose drug until 1988. Look HERE  HERE and HERE for a touch  more info.)

   "The pill liberated men from condoms. I demand a return to the old way."
    "I think if there is such a thing as a sexual revolution going on, it is, for the most part, to the detriment of women. Men expect that a woman will consent to having sex more often and with less commitment. Men very rarely take responsibility for birth control and it angers me that women have to be prepared every day for a man's sperm. Women are really wreaking havoc on their bodies and mainly for the explicit pleasure and convenience of men."
    "Contraception was a hassle till my hysterectomy. He didn't like his 'sensations' dulled by a rubber. The diaphragm hurt me; the coil caused constant bleeding and pain, and the pill had ennough side effects to have probably caused the hysterectomy. I was very bitter that I had to endure all of these gadgets with rarely an orgasm when he could always come even when 'dulled' by the rubber."
    "The birth control pill allows a woman to control her fertility but also forces her to take all the responsibility for birth control and to risk her life and health and future fertility."
    "Contraception is a pain in the ass to me. I feel very frustrated and oppressed when I think how relatively unreliable and/or unsafe or what nuisances they all are. I took birth control pills before and after we were married for about a year, then went off them as the doctor I had wouldn't let you use them longer than that if you never had used them before. I never went back on them because I discovered that they seemed to have had a bad effect on my vaginal secretion and made intercourse more painful because I had less lubrication-I still have that problem somewhat, but then it was much worse. They also gave me breast pain that felt like someone was sticking pins in my breasts for about a week before the time you went off them to have a period. Because of that and all the studies that have been done on side effects (my family has a history of heart trouble and cancer on both sides) I didn't feel very safe using them. After that we have used..."