Sex And The City S5 E1-7: A Retro SSL Review

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 ***First, sorry for the delay in posts. Day job has taken priority lately. I still love you all though, and I love talking/reading/writing about ladygasms. Does anyone want to fund my life, no strings attached, while I read journal articles about women jerking off in labs and in MRI machines? It's gonna have to be enough to fund my movie theater and popcorn habit and also I don't cook as much as I should. I eat out a whole lot, and I'd also like to travel some, ya know, visit some friends in different cities - that sort of thing. I'm just saying I don't wanna change my lifestyle, but ya know, I would just like for someone else to pay for it. But anyway... ***

My new little segment is back for a another round (Here's the others). It's a modified, lazy version of an SSL Review. It's just me transcribing my notes, page by page, on all of the Sex and the City episodes. I watched them all - not necessarily in order - during 2007 and 2008, and I took notes on the depiction/discussion of female orgasm and female masturbation. It was my early attempt at this type of lady-gasm review stuff. Anyway, I never actually created reviews from these notes, but since they exist, I'd like to get them out there on the interwebs before they get burned in a house fire or something...thus this series.

Ramona and my SATC Notes

The fun of this will be that I will transcribe these as word for word as I can while still trying to make it be a sensible read. I'll post a pick of the notes for your reference. I'll do one or more episodes at a time - from the beginning of the notebook to the end. I may add notes for clarification or add my SSL-Review-style comments.

Hopefully the notes I took privately 10 years ago won't make me look like a dumb asshole. I will add them in the TV SSL Review Master List  (of course you are also welcome to check out the Movie SSL Review Master List as well). Here we go.

Sex and the City Season 5 Episodes 1-7

Season 5 Ep 1
---
Season 5 Ep 2
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Season 5 Ep 3
---
Season 5 Ep 4
-Miranda - guy under covers eating her out - she orgasms. Same guy eating Miranda, but we don't see her orgasm becacuse she's worried about his face glazed with her juices.

Season 5 Ep 5
-Miranda missionary - he's definitely pumping . She's doing nothing - trying to orgasm, but baby cries and he stops.

Season 5 Ep 6
-Sam's "decided to reward herself for her day of R+R but unfortunately her favorite vibrator needed a little R+R." Her vibrator wasn't working.
- She takes "neck massager" vibrator back to Sharper Image. They say they don't sell vibrators. She says whatever - then gives vibrator advice to other 'neck massager' buying women.

Season 5 Ep 7
Miranda - It's times like this when I wish women could go to male prostitutes. Charlotte says women don't go to prostitutes because they don't think of sex that way. Other girls disagree. Carrie going to see Big to get laid.

Modern Day Me Comments
First things first. I am always supportive of and happy to see a female character unabashedly open about masturbating and using vibrators. As I always say, the more women we see that masturbate, the more masturbating seems normal for women, the more women feel entitled to masturbate. The more women actually masturbate, the more they orgasm. The more they orgasm on their own, the more likely they are to figure out how to orgasm with a sexual partner and the more entitled they feel to ask for and expect the physical things during sex that will give them an orgasm. So respect for that.

Secondly, I also like to see a woman enjoying oral sex, and an orgasm from that is physically realistic (unlike the incredibly physically unrealistic orgasms that are so often depicted as resulting from a penis moving in and out of a vagina), so I'm all for that as well. That's a mouth on her vulva/clit area, and that's, well that's, the good stuff. I'm not, however, into the the whole scenario in the episode (because I do remember these episodes) where Miranda doesn't like kissing him after he's done because he's got puss-juice on his face. A lady's got to just get over that. Sex is gross, and you got to take the mess with the cunnilingus. I mean, if you want him to do a quick wipe of the mouth first, I get it, but like, you just can't worry about it so much that you can't enjoy the eat out. That's just sad state of affairs.

Thirdly, and this isn't really related to an SSL review but I want to say it anyway, I too wish there were male prostitutes out there for women. I mean, I know there are, but certainly not as many as there are women out there for men, and probably not very many good ones - I want good ones, and particularly I'd like the ol' happy ending situation that seems to be fairly available to men who are looking for that sort of thing. Like, why can't there be some dudes that will give you a little massage and then throw a glove on and jerk you off, manually or with a vibrator - your choice?...and these dudes should be as experienced and knowledgeable about the clit as most lady-prostitutes are about penises. I think that's a simple thing to ask. So, let'e legalize responsible sex work and also make sure the ladies have sensible, actually orgasmic options, can we? That's all I'm saying.

Fourth, seems I wrote my name 3 times at the top of this page of notes. If I know myself and my hand writing, I'd say I was trying to make my cursive Ts as beautiful as my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Harvey used to write them. I've been chasing that my whole life and haven't yet succeeded.

Okay, that's it.

Random Male Hite Report #16

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Hello, friends. It's time for more Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.

Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.

Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.


 The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 760

The following page is in the chapter Paying Women for Sex. The page is filled with men's answers to the question,"Have you ever had sex with with a prostitute?" It's preceded by the following section header:

This question brought about a surprising assumption about the relationship between men and women; the most common reaction was "You always pay anyway."

page 760 

   ... "I have had sex with a prostitute. I have no feeling about paying for sex. After all, marriage is paying for sex by contract."
    "The fact that I paid for sex, of itself, never bothered me. To me it was really not much different from dating a woman and spending perhaps twice as much money on her, ending up in the same way."
    "A prostitute is a hell of a lot more honest than the domestic prostitutes that go under the label of wives, at least you get what you pay for."
    "I feel a man is always paying for it one way or the other,"
    "I have had sex with a number of prostitutes over the years. I have felt many times that there is little difference in paying a lady fifty dollars on meals, etc., and then receiving sexual entertainment. One does it for fun and one for a living."
    "I am a firm believer that all women, once they pass eighteen (some even before), are prostitutes  at one time or another. All wives are prostitutes, that's for sure. Just let them want something that a man doesn't provide and see how soon the sex is cut off until they get their way."
    "You pay for it one way or another - actually it's cheaper  with a whore! Also, she's a pro, doesn't play coy games, and no pretenses."
    "I don't like paying for sex, but really what's the difference if a guy pays twenty-five or thirty dollars on a date, then 'maybe' has intercourse, or just picks up a prostitute off the street and pays her the same? Actually a person is money ahead with a whore."
    "Paying for sex never made any difference to me. You pay for all of it."

Many men gave similar answers to the question "Did you ever feel a woman was having sex with you because of something you could give her - your prestige, position, or economic advantage?":

    "I sure do, in fact in just about every relationship I try to fathom what the woman thinks I am going to do for her. At this point in my life I am well used to being used."
    "After about two years of marriage, I came to realize that my wife had used sex for a home and security. We separated and I made up my mind it would never happen again."
    "In my opinion a wife makes a so-called professional prostitute look like an amateur!"
    "My first wife would say, 'if you do this or that (housework, or take her somewhere), I'll let you love me.' If I didn't, I just got horny. She used sex to get what she wanted. If we argued I was cut off for a week or so. She is no longer my wife."
    "With my wife, I felt she only did it as a payment for the security I supplied. It took a lot away from our relationship."
    "Economic advantages are probably all I get laid for. I've never felt that a cunt has wanted just me, because eventually, they've all gotten too demanding. The status is having an old man, a car, a house, nice furnishings; but this is one old man that can't be manipulated into the rut that has destroyed so many."...

Monster's Ball - The SSL Review

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I watched Monster's Ball in the theater when it first came out in 2001. This was about a year before I started researching for Science, Sex and the Ladies, and about 8 years before I started this blog, so I didn't SSL Review it, obviously. However, I've often thought I need to go back and review this movie. It had, I remembered, one of the first going-down-on-a-lady scenes I ever remember seeing in a Hollywood movie. Plus, there's that super hot sex scene with Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton. So 13 years later, here's the SSL Review for Monster's Ball.

I liked the movie a whole lot, and rewatching it, I found that it still stands up. It's a good one to check out if you haven't caught it yet, although it's currently not on Netflix, so you'll have to do some searching. I'm happy to say, it also will be getting a pretty good SSL Review, so there's that too. There were 2 scenes that discussed or depicted female orgasm or masturbation and one that depicted sex with a clear lack of female orgasm - which I think is just as important, so let's start with that one.

Sonny and Vera's Scene
One of the characters, Sonny - played by Heath Ledger, has a prostitute into his motel room. It's a quick cordial interactions.

Sonny: Vera, how you doin'?
Vera: Good. how are you?
Sonny: I'm Good. Here. (he gives her money) Sorry. You want a drink?
Vera: Oh yeah. Thanks, hon. (She undresses)
Sonny: Wild Turkey. (They drink)
Vera: Now, I'm sore, so go easy, Darlin'.
Sonny: Yes ma'am.

At this points she stands with her hands on a table in front of her and Sonny pulls his pants down and penetrates her from behind. He pumps into her - not too harshly, of course - and comes. She is unresponsive in her body and voice during the sex - just sorta getting the job done.

Sonny: Thanks Vera.
Vera: You're welcome.

It's a realistic scene (especially the part about being sore, am I right?). He's paying for the use of her vagina as a masturbatory tool. They're both on board with this, everyone is getting what they came for, and one of those things is not a lady-gasm. Which is right on point because a penis moving in and out of a vagina is not really something that would cause an orgasm anyway. I think this is a good example of how a vagina is a top of the line masturbation tool for males, but a penis is not a top of the line masturbation tool for women (unless it's vibrating and sitting against her clit, of course).

Leticia and Hank's Big Ol' Sexy-Ass Scene
Okay, the next scene is the big hot one that was talked about so much when the movie came out. Basically, Hank (Billy Bob Thornton) and Leticia (Halle Berry) are strangers put together by a tragic situation and end up back at her house. She eventually asks him to "make her feel good" as she's taking off her shirt. It's as if the sex is a way to lessen the pain she is feeling, and the sex the two have becomes passionate and raw. They are at a couch with a coffee table in front of it and, and they get into several positions on the floor and the couch. It's cut into kind of a montage and is shot voyeur style from another room or something. Except for a small shot where it seems she sucks his dick for a minute, it's all intercourse happening.

They are both on their knees; her bent over the couch seat, him behind her. She is grunting from the thrusting but not orgasmically. She looks at him, turns around and flips over so she is sitting on the couch straddling him as he kneels in front of her. She sits upright so her upper body and pelvis are pressed against him. There are quick disjointed cuts here, but it looks as though there might have been an insinuation of an orgasm - which is believable enough to me because her pelvis (and thus her clitoral glans) in many of the cuts seemed to be aggressively grinding against his body and she even seems to be grabbing his butt and pulling his pelvis towards her to keep the friction.

Okay, so then he rolls on top of her on the couch as her legs wrap around his body. There is definite pounding that is heard (certainly good for a male orgasm), although the voyeur camera goes out of focus for a sec. She says, "Fill me up," a few times and after a few more good pounds into her he seems to do just that without much vocal fanfare, and we see him end breathless as he relaxes a bit. She also makes some guttural, screamy sounds that could be orgasmic, and just might be meant to be seen that way, but I don't think that's the case. I think it could be viewed as just the intensity of the moment that caused the sounds to come from her. I don't think it's uncommon for a woman to vocalize at the same time a man is orgasming. Of course, that's probably a common time for women to fake. It's also probably often misunderstood by the partner as an orgasm and can be wrongly viewed in movies as signs of an orgasm, but I think it was clear that she was focusing on his orgasm here, and she did continue on pursuing her orgasm right after, despite his finishing.

Leticia quickly rolls him onto the ground, making sure he stays inside, and get on top. She leans forward onto him and moves her body back and forth, doing him slowly. There are quick cuts and they continue to do it in this position, although she has sat up and is more bouncing on him. She seems to come again in this positions, although there was clearly no hands in use and her pelvis/vulva was not touching anything for stimulation. He eventually comes again still in this same position, but this time he gives us more vocal fanfare.

After he finishes, she falls forward, kissing him and is really rolling and grinding her hips on him, slowly but urgently. She keeps her pelvis tight against his body through all her rolling and grinding, as she has a non-porny orgasm. It's about as realistic as I've seen in a movie. Not only is there closeness of her pelvis to his body, showing the possibility of clitoral glans stimulation, but she is actively moving her body in such a way that would really cause that friction on her clitoral glans. She is in control. His body is still. He has already come. He is looking at her with awe as she does this. This last part is about her helping herself get hers, and I feel like that had to be an intentional creative choice in this movie.

There is a lot of stuff in this long sex scene, and I may not have all the intentions right about which part was an orgasm and which is not, but I'm clear about where her body was in times when it seemed like an orgasm was happening. I'm also clear that she had at least 1, maybe 2 orgasms that could have actually happened to a real woman. The one in the middle seemed closer to a classic, bouncing on a dick orgasm that we see in movies all the time, but I'll forgive that one. To me, at the heart of this scene, it was two people unabashedly enjoying the pleasures, both mental and physical, that come with a passionate sexual encounter. Now that's not really all that strange of a thing to see in movies, but there was more than that. What was particularly exciting to me about this scene was that it also seemed to show those two people sharing and taking turns giving each other orgasms. That's so fantastic because sex always seems to be depicted ending with a man and a woman who just orgasmed at the same time, and that is simply not likely. A man needs his penis stimulated and a woman her clitoral glans. They need different movements. It's just how it is. Showing couples always coming at the same time is just another fantasy way of insinuating to women that him pounding into her should make her come too.  This scene was also more graphic than most, so it allowed the audience to really see how Halle's hips grinded and pressed into him. I think that's just too dirty to show sometimes, but it is the way that women can orgasm hands free during intercourse. Anyway, I found it progressive and refreshing.

The Goin' Downtown Scene
The last scene is simple. There is a shot of the two in bed, from the chest up. He asks her if he can touch her, and she agrees, and then he moves down her body and out of shot. We just watch her face as he performs oral sex on her, and she eventually comes in a fairly non-porny, realistic way. I don't think I have to tell you that a mouth on the vulva, which is insinuated here, can certainly and realistically make a lady come. I can get behind a sensible scene like that.

The Verdict
This movie showed both a non-ladygasm sexual situation, like the prostitute one, and a lady-gasm inducing situation, like the going-down-on-her scene, with realism. It also showed a long sexual scene between a man and a woman that, although not perfectly realistic to my ridiculously high standards, beautifully emphasized taking turns for orgasm, a lady's need to really grind during intercourse, and the power of her doing the work to get herself there. This gets a 5 out of 5 vulva rating - not because it's perfect, but because it made an attempt to be better, and it mostly succeeded...and it was hot to watch.

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