Playboy 2006 SSL Review - June

Why I have a stack of decade old Playboys that I'm SSL Reviewing
Long story short I took them from my parents house thinking I would review them for this blog and then didn't actually do that for over 10 years but now want them the hell out of my house because I hate clutter and don't know how I've not thrown them away all these years. Also, I thought I had all 12 months, but some are gone. If you want the longer story, check out the 1st 2006 Playboy SSL Review I did.

SSL Review Basics
An SSL review - as many of you - know is a critique ONLY of discussions or depictions of female masturbation and/or female orgasm and/or the clit. I critique the realism and also what the depiction/discussion adds to our culture conversations on the topics of female sexuality and orgasm. I usually do these SSL Reviews for either movies or TV, but magazines are fun from time to time. These Playboy SSL Review will be a bit more relaxed and simple than most. I'd like to have a little fun here (but I will still give it a vulva rating).

Playboy After Hours: Do You Know What a Merkin Is?

I did not, and this is technically not an SSL Reviewable thing, but I thought you all might be interested. This was an interview of Michele Merkin, a 2006 era E! Network host. One thing she said was that she found out what a merkin was in the 8th grade and it was big talk around the school. I asked the 3 other people in the room if they knew what that was, and they were as stumped as me. Luckily, Google. It's a pubic wig. Old (like centuries ago) prostitutes used them after shaving their pubes for things like preventing crabs. Old male actors playing female nudes on stage used them. Modern day actors and actresses use them. It's fun. It's a pubic wig.

 The Playboy Advisor - bitching about wives not putting out
Okay, this is not technically about female orgasm, but the underlying issue here soooo is about female orgasm, so I'm including this one in this SSL Review too.

I am disturbed by the reader who said he earns "penis points" from his wife that he can redeem for sex (February). This sad letter reflrects the fact that American men have lost control of their sex lives. More and more of my middle aged friends say their wives have informed them they have no use for sex and that men should "get over it." there is even an implied ban on masturbation. The attitude seems to be that men are entitled to only as much sex as their wives desire. If she wants to host a gang bang in the town square, the attitude is "You go, girl." But if she wants little or none, the assumption is that it must be the guy's fault for not being romantic and not making her want it. Is this happening everywhere or just among my friends? Men need to get some balls and demand their right to either sex at home or elsewhere. I don't think of myself as macho, but enough is enough. Is anyone willing to join the movement? P.L. Cocoa FL

So, you mean the movement to insist women have sex - even if they don't want to - with their husbands and if women don't do that (or even if they do) then other women should let these husbands fuck them because men have a right to push their penises into vaginas until they come whenever the mood strikes them? Is that the movement? Because that one is like the biggest movement in history. It's like pretty much got a huge following already, so you are good.

Playboy answers this in an okay way. They get quotes from the author of "The Sex-Starved Marriage," and together they say all the things sexperts/advisers are supposed to say like: A couple is not always going to be on the same page with desire all the time; and you shouldn't think of these issues as only one person's problems, it's an issue you both need to address; and people need to realize that being constantly rejected for sex in a marriage is painful; and men should try to get past their anger and try to express that loneliness and rejection they feel; and also this:
"Men also make the mistake of thinking their wives are turned on by lingere or x-rated movies or the same things that turn them on. But as the penis-points letter demonstrated, what women want is help around the house, and unexpected call from work to say you're thinking about her or more conversation."
Well, or- and hear me out - maybe deep down inside we want actual orgasms when we have sex...and also a time machine so we can go back and turn all the orgasm-less, painful, sometimes rapey, sometimes actual rape, sexual interactions from our past into ones where we felt safe, comfortable and had a nice orgasm. You know, so we can see sex more like the average man and so that when the suggestion for sex comes up and we weigh it in our head against something else, like watching TV or finally getting some laundry done so we have things to wear next week, sex seems more pleasurable and useful than those things. I mean, did you think about that angle Playboy? Probably not. No one ever does.

Honestly, for a lot of women sex has only very rarely also meant an orgasm, which after youth and hope and newness wears off means sex probably rarely means even arousal...and when you're not aroused / horny but are either forced to or feel pressured (even if it's just because you love the guy and feel like you haven't done it enough that month) to have sex, let's just be frank here. The details of sex can be downright gross, and doing laundry really does make for a better time. For men sex and orgasm pretty much always go hand in hand, and so sex means horniness and excitement and good memories. The hard, cold truth is that we live in a world where most women probably have mostly non orgasmic and/or bad memories of sex...even with kind, loving partners because we live in a world that deeply misunderstands how the female orgasm works (and if you've watched our movie or if you've read this blog at all you know what I mean by that).

I think this dude writing the letter up there is a self-righteous, thoughtless, asshole, but I don't blame him for his wife losing interest in sex. I mean I blame him a little, but she's to blame too because we women are often as ignorant about our orgasms and influenced by cultural assumptions as men are. Everyone is responsible for this shitty situation for female orgasm and sexuality, and everyone needs to be part of the solution. But that means being real about what is happening and not happening to women during our partnered sexual encounters, being real about how different the male experience of sex can be from the female experience of sex, and be real about how complicated and deep our culture's ignorance is about female orgasm. So, all the things Playboy and the author said are nice, but they are not getting at the real problem of how men and women often develop completely different sexual drives in hetero relationships.

Rose Bud by Heather Caldwell
This is a bit of journalism in which a woman talks to doctors and clients involved with the growing and incredibly lucrative trend of various types of elective genital surgery for women: clitoral hood removal, g-spot collagen injection, laser lip reduction and rejuvenation, and hymenoplasty. So, you can get your labia cut into small symmetrical bits, add your hymen back in, take your clit hood off for some reason, or get collagen added into the area in your vagina that butts up against your urethra wrapped in the "Skeens gland" AKA female prostate - G-spot injections.

The author, Ms. Caldwell, stays skeptical and a little sad at the idea that women are being told their junk is not good enough as is, even after talking to women who swear by it. It's hard not to be sad and skeptical, because it's mostly a bunch of sad bullshit that a few plastic surgeons are marketing to women.

As for this being in the SSL Review, the only part that starts to discuss orgasm is The G-spot injection. It's supposed to make the G-spot easier to reach and make the women go crazy during sex. I mean, stimulating the G-spot has been shown to cause ejaculation in some women, but no one's really sure if it would cause ejaculation in all women, and - this is important - literally never has it been shown to cause orgasm in any woman ever. There is literally no physical evidence in all of peer reviewed scientific journals that this has ever happened. So I'm super duper skeptical of that.

It was an interesting article, and I liked the author. It's just a bit depressing of a subject.

Maxiderm Ad
This is a classic ad where it's made up to be like a dude is writing some type of adviser (in this situation some woman named Steffanie who has a fiance with the same problem) about his 'lack of sexual confidence' lately. It's all very veiled language, but basically Steffanie tells him her fiance took this amazing product and she got "the time of her life...repeatedly!" The insinuation seems to me that a dude takes this stuff, he gets super hard, stays hard and fucks her brains out until she comes and comes and comes. It's the age-old story we tell people about how men can give women orgasms, but of course it's a bunch of BS. Women don't orgasm from penises rubbing the insides of their vaginas and men don't need hard dicks to make women orgasm.

Dudes, a piece of advice. If you're having trouble getting hard, just stop worrying about it and focus on using your hands and tongue and vibes on your lady's parts. Get that clit lit. Help her come and then try again another night for yours.

Better Sex Advanced Techniques Video Series 2 
It's an ad for a explicit sex advice video. I am not against such a thing. It's probably better to see the shit happening explicitly in learning about sex - 'cause it's not always obvious. However, a lot of these teaching videos are just regular ol' porn slightly dressed up, so the advise is bad.

This one touts "G-spots and Multiple Orgasms shows you how to score the Ultimate-O again and again - guaranteed!"

Bull motha-fuckin shit. Why are we still acting like the g-spot stimulation creates orgasms, and not only orgasms but some type of magically amazing Ultimate-Os that last and last. Truth is, it might make you feel like you have to pee. It might make you ejaculate. If you add in some clit stimulation it might make you orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, but we really do need to stop talking so much about the G-spot. It's not helpful to the fate of lady-gasms in this culture.

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