Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms????

So is your woman faking it? That's the question posed at AskMen.com. I like to check out what pops up at the top of searches for things about woman and orgasms and stuff, so I searched "fake female orgasms" and went to the second listed article. Feel free to check out Is Your Woman Faking Orgasm? by Vanessa Burton, the AskMen.com women's sexuality correspondent.

Her answer is, "It's quite possible that your woman has been faking her way through lovemaking this entire time." Because, well, "70% of women (and hey, 25% of men) admit to faking the feeling."

I mean it's no surprise to anyone whose seen any survey's about this (or any woman or anyone whose spoken in a real way about it with women) that a lot of women have faked and that some fake a whole helluva lot. Hey, I faked intercourse orgasms for years without really consciously thinking of it as faking for most of the time. We ladies have a weird-ass relationship with our partnered orgasms, so it makes a lot of sense to me that there would be a lot of faking out there.

Here's what I learned from Ms. Burton.

1 All women are different; most need clitoral but some like g-spot/vaginal orgasms, and some like both, so normal sex might not work. Then she says,  "But keep in mind that some women do not have difficulty orgasming whatsoever. If you have one of those women, more power to you."

Because as always, these types of women-orgasm advice articles always acknowledge that most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and that most women don't orgasm from normal old sex, but downplay it, continuing to talk about sex almost exclusively in terms of intercourse and keeping up the Samantha-from-Sex-In-The-City style myth of the woman that comes from just a few strokes of throbbing manhood in her quivering loins.

Sure, there's not a lot of these lucky, amazing women, but don't fret. Your lady, dear reader, is probably one of them. I mean, she orgasms so easily while you're banging her, right? Yeah, she's probably not faking. She's just in a minority group of women that somehow orgasm explosively from friction in the vagina - even though this ability remains elusive to scientific investigation.

Oh, she also says this to help you understand about most women:
So when you're penetrating her, unless you're manually rubbing her clitoris with your fingers or are in the rear-entry position whence your testicles are tapping against it periodically, chances are she won't have a clitoral orgasm.
I get the whole rubbing her clit thing. That makes sense, but orgasm through periodic ball slapping is not really a thing - I think. First of all - those things tighten up as he gets more aroused, so they may not be swinging a whole lot for most of the time. Secondly, sure, a little ball tapping can be hot. I get it completely. But come on... ya gotta have steady stimulation with a nice amount of pressure...malegasms need it, ladygasms need it...gentle slaps here and there do not orgasms make. Am I wrong?

2 If her noises don't make sense with what's happening or if you can't feel her vag tighten up around your penis, she's probably faking.

Yeah, if she sounds like a weird porn star or she orgasm moans continuously during the whole act, I would find it suspicious and maybe start a convo based on that observation.  However, I'd like to point out here that I find the whole a-man-should-be-able-to-feel-your-orgasm-through-his-penis-thing that always seems to pop up when speaking about fake orgasms to be really stupid. A finger gently inserted may be able to feel the pelvic muscles tighten around the vagina during an orgasms, but I highly doubt there's many men whose penis picked up the subtle tense and release happening inside his woman's lady junk.

3 She doesn't fake because she's mean. It's usually because she doesn't want to hurt her partner, or she's never had one ("they think to themselves, oh, this must be it ; they therefore proceed to put on a performance like the ones they see in movies,") or because she gets sore fast and wants to speed up the whole thing, or her dude is making it too big of a deal that she orgasm every time.

Agreed. I'd also add; because she's bored/annoyed/not even close to coming and wants to get it over with, and also because this whole orgasmsing with a partner thing is much more confusing for women than you'd think.

4 What can be done? Well, talk about it, buy her a vibrator, encourage her to explore her body, get more sensual together, and experiment more with sex. "Many women are least likely to reach orgasm through penetration alone, so you'll have to get a little creative with your sexual attitude (and so will she)."

I wholeheartedly agree. It's not bad advice. However, I don't think her idea of "feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries" is really that sensual unless you two are characters in a sexy romance novel about a chocolatier having a lurid affair with the lonely antique dealer down the road.

She never specifically said masturbation either - just "exploring herself." We all know that some straight up clit diddling of one's self needs to take place, right? Sensually rubbing your own arm and belly skin in front of a mirror and some candles isn't going to cut it in the end. Although, do that too if you want.

Also, I don't think, as she suggested under "experiment with sex," that trying positions from the Kama Sutra or doing it in different locations will help much, unless by locations she means moving the rubbing from the vagina to the clit/vulva area.

Vanessa Burton, I know you want to add more realism and fire into these. I can tell by the way you tease your way around words like masturbation and vibrator (the "constant vibration" of an "enhancer" - it's like you are touching everywhere but "there" you dirty minx). Next time let your lips flap and just say what all you advice columnists really want to say:

Ladies need clitoral stimulation to come. Vagina rubbing doesn't make it happen, even though for some ungodly reason that's most of what happens during our sexual encounters. Men and women think the vag rubbing should work cause that's what we see working in media and learned was supposed to work growing up, but it doesn't.


  1. Just wanted to drop in and say how much I love your critiques. I just finished an ebook project and know that your work has made me a better sex writer. No more wishy-washy "most women" or vague "sensual self-exploration" for me.

    Okay, I'm sure I've used the latter somewhere, but I don't use it to get me out of explaining, straight up, that clitoral stimulation is the first and perhaps the only common requirement for making lady-orgasms happen.

    1. Hey there Bex vanKoot! Thanks for saying that. It's really good to know that these make sense to somebody somewhere. I've certainly enjoyed our comment discussions in the past, and I'd love to check out your e-book, so please let me know about it when it's ready. All the best to you!

    2. It was a ghostwriting project, so I won't be passing along those deets, but when I finally get around to making something of my own, I'll be sure to send you the info! :)

    3. Excellent! I'll be looking forward to it! :)