Happy V-Day - Shake Yourself Tonight!

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Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d focus on some important products for a grown-up V-Day…sex toys. I hope that the earth shakes just a touch tonight for all the vibrators that are being used. However, I am not going to focus on lovely vibrators making our clits shake in orgasm. I am going to comment on something else. Now, I have an interview with the fantastic Betty Dodson cooking. It should be done and up in about a month, but yesterday I saw the last email she sent me, and she mentioned all the books, videos, and toys that are made for G-Spot stimulation. It’s actually quite a commercial investment, and as Betty said, “You know in America, commerce is far more important than a woman’s orgasm.” Ah, I love Betty, and she’s right. In case you haven’t read my blog before, let me fill you in on the point of view portrayed in Science, Sex and the Ladies, this movie I’m making. It begins with the statement (and backing evidence) that the only physical orgasm (that has ever been physically recorded) is a clitoral orgasm. The scientific indication is that the G-Spot may cause ejaculation (which is physically different than an orgasm) in some women, but does not cause orgasms. Then the movie goes on to discuss how our understandings and expectations of female sexuality necessarily change when viewed through that realistic understanding of female sexual release...opposing it to the misguided understanding of female sexual release our society and media hold dear. That's a very basic overview, but as you might guess, my opinion is that the G-Spot is overrated, misunderstood, non-orgasm causing, and yet somehow heavily promoted as a source of orgasm by sexperts and our sexual culture.

 I was at a sex-toy party (a party where friends eat food and buy sex-toys from another friend – like a Tupperware party but dirtier - not a party where we have group sex-toy sex, in case you were wondering) and there were pages of vibrators; clitoral vibrators, vaginal vibrators, g-spot vibrators. I’m not going to judge where you put your sex toys. I mean, we all do our own thing. However, I was annoyed that a company touting how much they care about the female orgasm and about sexual research, would so clearly promote the idea that orgasms could happen by vibrating the vagina. If in some way the vagina vibrating happens to also shake the clit indirectly in the process, then maybe a tiny little orgasm may occur, but that would be kind of a fluke. The outer part of the vagina has some nerve endings, and a little vibrating on the ol’ V-hole could be stimulating, but again, that alone won’t cause an orgasm (unless, of course, the clit is indirectly stimulated in the process). Vibrating the G-spot, which sits inside the vagina, may cause ejaculation in some women sometime, but again, no orgasm.

I know it sounds like I’m being close-minded. However, everything I’m saying is consistent with the scientific research, the good physically based research that has gone into studying female and male orgasm. If you want to define the orgasm as some sort of mental state, then I can’t help you there, but there is a specific physical process that is identifiable and designated as an orgasm. Ejaculations are physically different (in men and in women) than an orgasm, and they have been associated with g-spot simulation in women, but ejaculations are rarely discussed when talking about g-spot toys – particularly in comparison to how much orgasm is discussed in relation to these toys.

I guess what I’m saying is this Valentine’s Day, don’t be fooled by all the crappy videos, toys, and advice telling us ladies how amazing our G-spot orgasms could be if we just watched this or did this or used this. It’s a bunch of bullshit – G-spots don’t give us orgasms, and if you are a person that ejaculates through g-spot stimulation, you probably already know it and probably make good use of towels. Female orgasms come from clitoral stimulation just like male orgasms come from penile stimulation.

So, ladies, if you don’t already have one, get yourself a vibrator, and whether it’s touted as a clitoral, vaginal, or g-spot vibrator, just use it however feels good, but remember…if you’re looking to orgasm, scientific inquiry would suggest you eventually end up on or near the clit.

HAPPY V-DAY!