Parasite - The SSL Review

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Parasite
I do try to watch all the Academy nominated movies every year. 1. I like watching movies. 2. I watch the Oscars with the same friends every year, and although I always come in close to last on guessing the winners, I like to have seen most of them because it feels like maybe I might have some insight on what should win, but actually I think it makes me worse. We talk shit and eat, and it's one of the few times a year I see these friends, so I look forward to it. Anyway, I saw some of the movies, but I didn't catch the winner, Parasite, until a few weeks after. I liked the movie, but I especially liked the sex scene. It's SSL Reviewable, and it will be getting a great Vulva Rating. Top notch situation in my book.

An SSL Review, for those that need a little refresher, is a review specifically of any discussion or depiction of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I critique the realism of the depiction/discussion and also write about what the depiction/discussion says about and/or adds to our cultural understanding of female sexuality and orgasm. I try my best to just stick specifically to those SSL Reviewable moments, so it usually stays pretty focused on those parts of the movie only, but sometimes I like to digress.

So here we go. I have tons of these reviews btw. You can find all the other movie SSL Reviews HERE and the TV SSL Reviews HERE.

The Scene - sexy couch stuff while watching your kid from afar through a window as he sleeps in a tent 
I wrote that and it seems much creepier than it is. I mean it's a fairly accurate description, but it's not like the sex had anything to do with them seeing their child sleeping. They couldn't even see the kid. He wanted to sleep in a tent in the back yard, and the parents thought they should sleep where they could be in view if he needed them. They were basically on a couch that had a view of the tent their child was inside. They were at least 50 feet apart with a wall of windows in between. The sex was just because they were laying on the couch together and got horny. There was also another reason in the storyline that this sex was an interesting turn of events, but I don't want to give anything away if you haven't seen it.

So, now that I spent a paragraph convincing you it was a weird situation but not in a creepy, kid-related way, let me explain it quickly.

Parasite (2020) sex scene

So the father and mother are laying mostly on their sides on the couch. She is in front of him and he's behind, kind of spooning her. The father must get a horny idea in his head that causes him to reach around and under her night shirt. He's messing with her boobs, and then she starts getting horny too, so she reaches back and starts jerking him off under his pants. We see a brief close-up of this. They both continue to watch outside intently so they aren't surprised if the kid pops in suddenly. Then he takes his other hand, comes in from under the butt and between the legs, and starts rubbing her clit/vulva area over her silk pajama pants. The scene ends before anyone comes, but they are clearly both going at it and enjoying it. I think it's safe to say they are intended to get to that point, and they are likely not going to change positions because they are trying to be discreet and also on the lookout for a kid.

My Thoughts - Fuck yeah, bro. Rub a lady off!
I mean, if you know anything about me or this blog or my movie, you know I'm all in for this scene. It checks all the boxes

• Number 1 here is simply that the sexual thing happening to the woman in this scene is actually something that could sensibly cause her to orgasm. Her organ of sexual pleasure (the clit - more specifically the clitoral glans and surrounding tissue) was being stimulated through her silky pants, just like his organ of sexual pleasure (his penis) was being stimulated. That's no small thing. Usually a couple like this in a movie would have intercourse and nothing would be stimulating her clitoral glans area. Yet, although there is no physical scientific evidence that stimulating the inside of the vagina with things like dicks could cause a woman to orgasm, it is most often depicted as if she does come or will come just from getting fucked. That kind of unrealistic depiction is soooo common, and it gives a completely incorrect expectation for what types of physical stimulation are needed for a female to orgasm. However, this scene in Parasite depicts physical stimulation that absolutely could be expected to get a woman off and thus helps create more realistic expectations in the cultural mind for how women might come.
• Number 2 - This is a sexual interaction between a hetero couple that is something other than penis in vagina intercourse. P-in-V intercourse dominates media so thoroughly that it could easily seem to anyone that this is the ultimate and most acceptable way that a male and female should interact sexually. Every time a scene, especially in a mainstream or high profile piece of media, depicts another way of doing sex, it helps to normalize other ways to fuck. It models other ways that a hetero couple might release horniness, and in doing so helps give cultural permission to ask for and attempt those other sexual options. Moving away from P-in-V dominated sex is HUGE for orgasm equality.
• Number 3 - It's hot. I mean, I thought it was, and it's kind of important for these alternative sexual scenarios to be hot in order to embed themselves in our cultural consciousness as things we might want to be a part of. I will say, however, that the director wanted this to be a very uncomfortable scene more than titillating one because of its relation to the movie's plotline that I'm not going to talk about (I'm trying not to spoil, but you can read about that more HERE if you don't mind a spoiler). But, I think just because he wasn't going for titillation doesn't mean it wasn't. Also, I kind of wonder if the over-the-clothes genital touching was maybe an attempt to keep it more clean - especially in this PG-13 movie in a fairly conservative place like Korea. If that's the case, I think it kind of back-fired because it forced the scene into a less common sexual act and that makes it dirtier in a way. In fact, I think that anytime a scene includes clit stimulation, it really does seem dirtier because it's just a little 'extra'. The truth is we don't see clit stimulation much in media, and frankly/sadly don't actually involve it in real-life sax acts all that much. So seeing it might feel a little "off" - which to be fair may be read as super hot but also as kind of strange/confusing/foreign, or even gross. Either way, it wasn't a bland scene and I like that. Also, here's a bunch of people talking about how awkward they felt during this sex scene (mostly related to watching it with their parents)...and let's be honest, it wouldn't feel awkward if it weren't dirty, amiright?
• Number 4 - It showed manual stimulation of the female genitals, and it focused on the orgasmically appropriate way to finger lady-junk. Unfortunately a lot of depictions of manual stimulation on women involve a finger(s) ramming up the vagina - as if mimicking intercourse, which as we know shouldn't be expected to cause orgasm. So, I'm glad the choice was to show the clit/vulva area getting rubbed against not the vag getting rammed in. 
• Number 5 - It's a sex scene focused on simply 2 people stimulating each other's organs of sexual pleasure. Scenes like this are important because here's the deal. All healthy individuals are born with either a clit, a penis, something related to one of those, or a sort of mix of those, and all of those clit/penis-like organs are capable of being stimulated to orgasm. That means any two people you might put together - cis, het, trans, gay, intersex - in any combination, could have amazing, orgasmic sex together with an activity just like the one depicted in this movie. That is important to know and to see in our media because it's a reminder that orgasm is just the appropriate stimulation of the sex junk. I think some of the discomfort against non cis, het couples out there is related to people not understanding how another type of couple might 'fit' together sexually given that p-in-v intercourse is assumed to be the ultimate way of doing sex. However, the truth is P-inV intercourse is actually a shit way of achieving orgasmic sexual activity (for clits not penises), and alternative sexual activity like in this scene are waaaay better. I like to think that if regular ol' conservative-living folks out there can start getting it in their heads that for a cis, het couple like themselves, the most orgasmic way to fuck is not intercourse but to creatively stimulate each other's junk (and that the clit is the female junk not the vagina), then it's not much of a leap to see that any two people might enjoy that kind of sexual pleasure together as well - that we're all really the same when it comes to sexual pleasure.  - Anyway, I really do think a realistic understanding of female orgasm/the clit and a deep expansion of what hetero sex could/should be would also necessarily broaden appreciation and understanding in the larger culture of all types of couples....and scenes like this help.

Vulva Rating

For all the reason's above, I give this this a 5 out of 5 Vulva Rating!

(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)

Orgasm Interviews: ANNA Part II (Intercourse and Non-Intercourse Activities)

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Orgasm Interviews - my basic intro (can skip if you've already read one of these)
Welcome back to this new series in SSL where a women answers questions about her orgasm, masturbation, and sexual experiences. I'm super excited about this because I think women sharing their orgasm experience with fo-realness is powerful as fuck.

At the same time, I think women speaking about their orgasm experiences before they have grounded understanding of orgasm or before they have learned how to have an honest relationship with their sexual bodies, can be misleading at best to the women they speak to and damaging at worst. To be frank and blunt about what I mean here, let me say it this way; I strongly suspect there are lots of women that lie about their orgasms - about how they happen, when they have them and if they have them. I don't think it's a mean or intentional thing. I don't even think I'd really call it lying most of the time because I don't think it's a conscious lie. It's more about not understanding what an orgasm physiologically is before speaking about it with an undeserved authority. I just think we women are so mislead and confused about our bodies, about the physiology of orgasm, and about how we should obtain, express, and speak about our orgasm that we often twist our understanding of our own experiences to fit into how we think things should be, and then we speak about them from that twisted, non-scientifically based view and other people take it to heart.

I say that all to let you know that I will be hand-picking all the women I ask to take this survey. I am choosing women I believe have a grounded understanding of orgasm, have exhibited what I believe is an honest relationship with their sexual bodies, and have shown they are able and at least somewhat interested in expressing their feelings and experiences. So, these are also women I have already had the chance to speak to about their orgasms. This series, clearly, is no scientific-based investigation, but I still would like to make it clear to all of you that this is the bias with which I am coming at this.

What I ultimately hope is that these women's stories and insights bring comfort or insight to the other women reading this.

ANNA 
This is the 2nd in her 3 part installment.
Find her PART 1 HERE.
The following is also the description I have in Part 1, so if you've already read it, you can move onto the questions.

The first brave lady I have chosen for this is Anna. I met her online because she wrote me with some worry and criticism about a post I had written. Her insight, openness, and thoughts intrigued me, and we began a really lovely discussion. She graciously accepted the offer to do this, and put a lot of time and effort into being as honest as possible. In an email asking me what format to send it to me in, she said,

"I've been spending a lot of time on your survey, trying to be as honest and thorough as possible. It brought back memories and helped me put into words some vague thoughts I have had. Maybe I was too thorough: I wrote more than ten pages. I couldn't separate orgasms from sex in general. I kept adding context. The answers didn't seem to make sense otherwise."

This will be the second of 3 post from her survey. She did, much to my happiness, write a lot - more than 1 post's worth. Please read her interview in detail. Anna is an extraordinary woman, I think, and although her orgasmic life might have taken a slightly different route from many of you, there is
soooo much to relate to and a lot to learn from. I asked a few follow-up questions that I will include as well. The ability to ask follow-up questions I think is an important perk to this kind of direct questioning.

2. Intercourse 
2a. Describe your relationship to and experience with intercourse. 
Well, for one thing, I thought I would never get a chance to experience it. From middle school and onwards it was made very clear to me how ugly, weird and disgusting I was. Bullying is very damaging.

When I was 17, I met a boy who seemed not only interested but enthusiastic, so I took my (only) chance. We had so much fun! Neither of us had any experience (and also, no internet), so we experimented: "Does this feel good? Harder? Softer? To the left? What about if I do like this instead?" When we tried intercourse I was a bit disappointed that it would not bring me to orgasm but it wasn't that big of a deal. We just tried different ways to include my clit. What worked best was me using my fingers during intercourse. (Too bad all we had in common was sex. It only lasted a couple of months.)

I enjoy intercourse. The pressure inside me can feel really good. I like being close to my partner and seeing his pleasure. Intercourse can bring an extra dimension to my orgasm too, but it doesn't cause orgasms.

2b. If you ever orgasm while having intercourse (either with or without the use of hands, toys or other accessories), please describe exactly what needs to happen to you physically in order to get the stimulation you need to orgasm. If there is more than 1 scenario, describe each. Please be as detailed as you can. 
I'm not sure I understand the question. "What needs to happen to you physically"... Frankly, what needs to happen is that he doesn't get in the way.

I used to orgasm during intercourse most of the time. I would do my usual circular rubbing. He would hold back until I was done, then he would come. I have come from being fingered while he was inside me from behind. It was nice, but it's just as good and also much more reliable if I do it myself.

I have had a few sexual partners: some boyfriends, some more casual. (I haven't counted. Probably more than ten, definitely less than twenty.) With most of them, my finger method worked perfectly. With my current boyfriend it just doesn't. If I put anything between us it doesn't feel as good for either of us, and it doesn't feel as good from behind either. I think it's partly due to anatomical factors but mostly psychological.

My boyfriend so desperately wants it to be good for me that he gets stressed and loses his erection. He is 50+ and has some prostate trouble, but what really derails him is his inner model of how sex SHOULD work. He feels that it's his job to give me orgasms, and that I am somehow being cheated if I have to "help" him. It is better for both of us when he relaxes and lets himself enjoy his own pleasure.

My trusty vibrator doesn't work for me during intercourse. I need it to be positioned very precisely. Intercourse makes it move around too much.

2c. How often would you say you orgasm during intercourse? What are your feelings about that?
It used to be quite often. These days, basically never.
It doesn't matter either way. Intercourse is not all-important. I get orgasms with my boyfriend practically every time we have sex, except when we decide that I won't (as part of play, or because we only have time for one of us - and when that happens, it's usually I who get the orgasm and he who waits)

3. Non-intercourse Partnered Sex 
3a. Have you ever orgasmed during cunnilingus (while being ate out / gone down on / given oral sex)? If so, please describe in detail (as best you can since you aren't in the front row of what's happening down there) what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way. 
I have, but it was a long time ago. The mechanics are the same as when I masturbate: consistent, firm, rhythmical pressure.

Cunnilingus can be nice as part of the build-up phase, but I usually don't orgasm from it. Tongue and lips are not firm enough for more than teasing. Also, I tend to thrash around a lot when I orgasm, so the stimulation tends to vanish when I want it the most.

Most of my partners, current included, seem very enthusiastic, but I sometimes get distracted with worry that he is getting bored or that it tastes bad.

3b. Have you ever orgasmed while a partner was stimulating you with a hand or finger(s)? If so, please describe in detail what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way. 
I have, but mostly I like it as part of the build-up. It's just easier and more reliable if I do the last bit myself.

 3c. Have you ever orgasmed while a partner was stimulating you with a sex aid (a vibrator, dildo, feather - anything like that). If so, please describe in detail what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way.
No. I only got my first toys after I met my current boyfriend. We tried a little bit, but it just works so well when I do it myself.

3d. Have you ever orgasmed while grinding or rubbing against a partner's body? If so, please describe in detail what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way.
No. I have rubbed my vulva on my partner. It feels nice, but it is too indirect to make me orgasm. 

3e. Anything else you'd like to say about these activities in your sex life?
My boyfriend and I discovered the perfect way to make me orgasm. I lie on my stomach and hold my little vibrator on my clit in the same way as when I masturbate. My boyfriend lies beside me and pushes rhythmically and firmly with his thumb on the alleged g-spot area, and when I say firmly I mean as in "Are you sure I'm not hurting you? Are you really certain? I can't believe I'm not hurting you." I get an orgasm every time, and it's usually more powerful than anything I can get on my own.

3e Follow-up Questions 1 and 2 (answered together) 1. Did your orgasms that happened while there was pressure on your G-spot ever include any kind of ejaculation or 'squirting' or anything like that? 2. Have you ever experienced ejaculation or 'squirting'? If so, please explain the situations in detail. 
It has happened but I haven't really thought much about it. I don't know how often it happens. Sometimes everything gets really wet when I orgasm, but it's hard to tell if it's from ejaculating or just a lot of vaginal lubrication if no one sees it happen. I have been told that it looks like a little orgasm fountain. Partners tend to think it's a big deal, like a mark of their excellence as lovers. Maybe they have a point: every time I've been told about has been with g-spot pressure, and the orgasms have been significantly more powerful than average. (I wish everybody knew that vaginal lubrication is a bad indicator of how turned on you are.)

Follow-up to the Follow-up: So, you are saying that you have been told that it looks like a 'little orgasm fountain' when you orgasm. However, the only times you've been told that are when you have received the strong g-spot stimulation along with the clitoral stimulation. Is that correct? Also, is it correct that you haven't been told about a 'little orgasm fountain' or any other squirting/ejaculation during orgasms that did not include G-spot stimulation? Otherwise, you have noticed being very wet after an orgasm, but that could very well be vaginal lubrication - is that correct?
No partner has mentioned a fountain when there has been no pressure.

I just realized something: when I masturbate with a toy in my vagina I get some pressure, and occasionally there is a lot more wetness than usual after I orgasm. It is more water-like, not as slippery. It smells sweet, not like either urine or vaginal fluid. I always thought this was due to the toy stimulating extra lubrication, but maybe there has been an ejaculation? I really don't know. I never thought much about it before you asked.


3e Follow-up Questions 3: Also, can you explain in any more detail how your orgasms with lots of G-spot pressure differed from your orgasms without g-spot pressure?
This is a difficult question. There is a big difference, but how to describe it? The pressure orgasm is more full, more nuanced. My whole body is more involved. If it's a strong one I tend to scream out loud and my back and legs spasm. The first few times with my boyfriend's special technique he thought he had seriously injured me, for sure. Now we just have to be careful to shut the windows and scream into a pillow. I can force myself to be silent and still, but when I do it takes so much effort I can't fully enjoy the orgasm.

Orgasms without pressure are sharper and thinner. My body cramps rather than spasms. I don't make much noise either. This makes it sound like orgasms without pressure are inferior, and they kind of are, but also not. Chocolate analogy: quality is better than cheap, but sometimes the cheap stuff is what you crave. Music analogy: some music is complex and rewards the listener for making the effort, and some music is less complex but just as enjoyable in other ways.

If I'm without pressure and get stuck on the build-up plateau, pressure usually pushes me into the orgasm.