Jane the Virgin Season 3 Ep 3 - The SSL Review

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What's Love Got To Do With I? - An SSL Review

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What's Love Got To Do With It?

If you've never see this biopic about Tina Turner, I do suggest it. I hadn't seen it since back in the early 90's around when it came out on video, and Charlie had never seen it, so we just checked it out a few weeks ago. It didn't lose much for me in the 30ish year gap between viewings. However, this time I noticed the lady-gasm part because that's what I do these days. 

So this Tina Turner biopic has a very small depiction of orgasm, and here we are - doing an SSL Review. It's not a top notch SSL review, but the movie itself is quite good. 

The SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL movie Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the SSL TV Reviews HERE).

 

The Scene in Question: Her First Time

The scene is, unfortunately, a pretty common first time scene from a movie. Tina is quite young, and Ike is a grown man with a wife and a couple kids. They are in missionary position in a bed. She's nervous, but excited ('cause you know, he's a charming established man and she's naïve to the world and sex is fresh and all that). It's not rough. There's a bit of gentleness to it, but he is clear in his intentions and moves forward with decisiveness. 

The couple is covered mostly, so we only see the insinuation of insertion and gentle pumping of the hips. Tina seems largely motionless in her bottom half - as in she is getting pumped into and not working to control the pelvic movement or how their bodies are moving together. There is also not manual (by her or him) or oral stimulation to her genital area either before or during the intercourse. All that to say, the only stimulation that we can sensibly assume she is getting is the stimulation of a penis inside her vaginal canal.

We are not seeing her clitoral glans area getting any love; no hands, no mouths, no sense of grinding of the clit area against his pelvis (given the in-out movement by him and the seemingly lack of pelvic movement from her). Because for real - if a lady ain't taking some action during the intercourse movement to get her clit against him and consistently keep it there for grinding purposes, I dare say that her clit will be left in the cold. At the very best, if she isn't putting the effort in to keep her clit grinding against something during the intercourse, that poor clit might get the rare privilege of getting grazed from time to time but little to no hope of consistent friction or pressure. All that to say, Tina had no sensible stimulation to cause her orgasm in this scene.

And yet, she seemed to orgasm in this scene at the same time Ike did. Ike, of course, is getting the stimulation he needs to come. His organ of sexual pleasure, his dick, is fully encompassed by her vagina. So his orgasm makes sense, but her organ of sexual pleasure, her clitoris, is not, so her orgasm makes no real sense on even a basic anatomical level (Seriously - contrary to popular belief, the vaginal canal is not the organ of female sexual pleasure and stimulating it - i.e. intercourse alone- has never caused a recorded orgasm in all of scientific literature. Seriously.)

I won't say that the scene made a big show of her orgasm. It was subtle moaning that sort of came to a point at the same time he seemed to subtly climax and then subsequently stop the pumping into her. It honestly could be interpreted as simply moaning that followed his lead or a gentle faking, but nothing about that scene or the subsequent scenes made one feel she was dissatisfied with the sex. The overall feeling was that she enjoyed it and that her moaning came to a point during his orgasm which all together gives the feeling that this sex act was as orgasmic for her as it was him.

An Unrealistic, Sadly Normal Scene that Reinforces Ingnorance and Keeps the Sexual Culture Fucked Up for Female Orgasm 

And that, my friends is the problem with this scene and all the many scenes like it. Despite there was no indication in the scene that her clitoral area was getting any stimulation at all, the scene was set up in a way that an orgasm was indicated and we the viewers likely assume a female orgasm happened. It's actually really ridiculous. It's no different than a scene where a guy is getting his balls tickled without the penis ever getting touched. Yet, he seems to orgasm and not only that, but both the characters in the movie and the viewers take it at face value, as if it is completely expected and normal that he came. As if his ball-tickle orgasm wasn't ridiculously unrealistic or some weird fluke played for comedy. 

Point is, our culture understands how males orgasm - basically - and we expect some realism in the depictions (or assume ridiculous depictions are comedic). We as a culture do not have a realistic understanding of how females orgasm and so we blindly accept (and creators blindly create) scenes like this that subtly reinforce the unrealistic assumption that women should be as orgasmic during pure intercourse as males should. 

It might seem like a small thing, but these types of scenes permeate our media and our minds; adversely affecting male and female expectations of sex and pushing the cultural norms of sex towards acts that are orgasmic for males but simply are not for females...but with the added fuckery of people not consciously realizing how very not orgasmic intercourse alone actually is for females. 

It's kind of a mess, and you might think that this 30 year old scene is a sign of old-school depictions of sex, but it's not. at all. It's as common and accepted now as it was then. Those cultural norms and expectations haven't changed much, but I believe changing media to be more realistic could help. And that's why I keep SSL Reviewing this shit.

Vulva Rating

Granted, this is not an unusual scene, but it is a deeply unrealistic one when it comes to the female orgasm. To be fair, I don't think there was any ill intent or trickery from the creators on this. They, like the viewers were just incorrectly educated about lady-gasms, so a scene like this feels realistic even though it absolutely is not. That's a big problem though. So, I give this a 2 out of 5 vulva rating. It's low, but not so low. I'm being nice because there was no ill intention here. Only ignorance - and a wide-spread type of ignorance at that.

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If Beale Street Could Talk - The SSL Review

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If Beale Street Could Talk
I saw If Beale Street Could Talk at the theater last night. It's a lovely film, beautifully shot, and it is an important piece of cinema in several ways. Unfortunately, it is not a piece of cinema that is progressive when it comes to depicting the female orgasm. It's not going to get a great SSL Review. That's the thing about SSL Reviews, though, they are not always congruous with an overall review of a movie.

An SSL Review is very particular. For those that need a little refresher it's a review specifically of a discussion or depiction of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I critique the realism of the depiction/discussion and also write about what the depiction/discussion says about and/or adds to our cultural understanding of female sexuality and orgasm. Clearly some movies have no scenes like this and are ineligible for SSL review (just sex with no lady-gasm doesn't count). The ones that are eligible run the gamut. It might be an amazing movie but with a terribly backwards take on lady-gasms or a complete shit movie containing an amazingly progressive clit-focused sexual encounter and lady-gasm. Both types of movies, plus the all good and the all bad movies are out there.

Oh do feel free to see many more movie SSL Reviews HERE and TV SSL Reviews HERE. I rate from 0 to 5 vulvas. Beale Street is for sure not a 5 vulva movie, but at the same time, it could be worse.

The Scene
So, there is technically only 1 eligible SSL scene, but for some contex and some later discussion, I'd like to describe an earlier scene first. **I also want to mention that this movie is still in theaters, and I am not able to go back and get really specific details about dialogue and scene like I normally do with these. My descriptions are from memory and might be a bit off, but I think I have the right feel of everything. Feel free to call me on something though.**

First time - a precursor to the scene 
The main characters are Tish and Fonny, a young couple, and we get to see them have intercourse for the first time. It's the 70's. They are young. It's pretty bare bones sexing. They kiss just a little then start getting naked. He puts on some music, turns off the lights, lays her back, gets on top and under covers, and puts it in. Before he does actually put it in though, he expresses to her that he doesn't want her to be scared, that he would never hurt her, and that she just has to get used to him. We know when he puts it in because Tish has an abrupt intake of air. During this scene we also see Fonny ask Tish to touch him. She had put her hands on either side of her head against the mattress. She is inexperienced and nervous and maybe didn't know what to do with them. After he asks, she puts them on his back. It cuts before there are any orgasms.

When it cuts back, they are finished and laying together, him still on top of her. I'm a little more foggy on the exact details here, but he basically asks her if she likes having sex with him. She is evasive and shy and tells him that he 'just wants to hear her say it.' It's a kind, intimate scene, but she continues to be evasive and never does say that she likes it.

The Scene
Later Tish tells us in voice over that she remembers the exact day their baby was conceived. We go through the day, and at one point we see them making love. Before we cut to it, we hear their breath increasing as if approaching climax. It's a shot from above, showing them from about mid-back up. She is laying flat on her back, and he is on top of her missionary style. He is moving in gentle pumps and she seems largely motionless except for her hands on his back. We see her fingers begin to dig into his back and they both seem to breath out a climax just before they stop and relax into each other.

My SSL Review
So it appears they have simultaneous orgasms. It is a scene about their closeness and their love and the creation of the child she is carrying. It is just the kind idealic, cherished scenario that would house the often desired and ever-elusive simultaneous orgasm, but physically it makes little sense that anyone would be orgasming except Fonny...because he is the one with his organ of sexual pleasure (the penis) fully encompassed and stimulated by a thing (her vagina). He is also controlling his movements and thus controlling how his penis gets stimulated inside her. He has every thing going for him to orgasm.

Tish's organ of sexual pleasure (her clitoral glans), on the other hand, is not necessarily even being touched while Fonny's penis is moving inside her, and if it does happen to be touched from time to time by his pelvic area due to the angle as he's going in and out of her, it's probably only intermittent stimulation. Plus, Tish's body was not moving in a way that showed her controlling how her clit area was being stimulated by his body. She was not grinding against him or anything like that. She, as with all us women who get banged in the vagina with no thought to the clitoral glans stimulation, has very little going for her possibility of orgasm. (Seriously, there is no physical evidence in all of scientific literature that shows an orgasm caused by stimulation inside the vagina alone)

Yet we the audience see her orgasm anyway. We don't see anything physically happening to her that would would realistically cause an orgasm. Yet, she orgasms.

Let that sink in a bit.

Also, let it sink in how very normal of a scene this is.

Then let it further sink in how normal of a scene their first time was too. Although we didn't see the orgasm portion of that sex, one can assume from common sense and their talk afterward that he orgasmsed (because it would seem weird if a man did not during intercourse, right?) and that maybe she did not. At least we can say that she was unsure enough about if she liked it or not to be elusive when he asked about it, and I venture to say if she orgasmed, I doubt she'd be so unsure.

There wasn't really any physical difference between what was happening the first time when she did not seem to orgasm and what was happening that time when she seemed to. Both times he was just pushing his penis in and out of her as her body stayed largely still. Yet, it probably doesn't seem weird her body reacted differently to those 2 sex acts. Women don't orgasm their first time, right? Women's orgasms are finicky. Women have to be in the right mood and mental state to orgasm, correct?

Not correct. Well, I mean, yes, all people have to be in the right mental state to orgasm, but the truth is we use a made up idea that women's orgasms are naturally more finicky as a way to explain away the nonsensical way women's orgasm are depicted. Women orgasm as quickly, easily, and reliably as men do during masturbation. Our bodies are capable of orgasm in the same way male bodies are. Problem is, one of the most common sex acts we do is to ram things into our vaginas.

Female bodies don't orgasm from things ramming into our vaginas, but we all think they are supposed to, and sometimes we pretend consciously or unconsciously that these types of orgasms happen.

That leads to all kinds of confusion about how, why, and when women's orgasms happen. It leads to things like assuming a woman banged the first time won't orgasm but later if she gets banged, and she's used to it, and she loves dude banging her, of course she would orgasm - which is exactly what we see from Tish.

What I'm saying here is that p-in-v sex does not lady-gasms make. The first time sex depicts that reality, but probably only because we as a society have this idea that orgasms don't happen for nervous inexperienced women, and not because it just literally would never realistically cause orgasm for a female. The next depiction of intercourse where she and he seems to orgasm at the same doesn't depict that physical reality and it's unrealistic. It acts to reinforce to audiences an already entrenched, but very wrong assumption that penile-vaginal intercourse is as orgasmic for females as it is for males.

That said, this type of scene is incredibly common. It is the norm. Fucking, with just in-out of the penis into the vagina and no additional clitoral stimulation until both parties come, is how sex is depicted. So, it's not unexpected or negligent. It's just another sad reminder of how incredibly ignorant we are, as a society, about how women actually orgasm, and also how deeply ingrained in us is the feeling that intercourse is as orgasmic for women as it is for men. It's an incredibly problematic cultural feeling that creates expectations our bodies can't deliver on.

This scene sets alongside all the other hundreds of thousands of scenes in TV, movies, and porn that show women acting out orgasms in situations that realistically are orgasmic for men but not for women. They reinforce physically incorrect ideas about what should happen during the ol' in-out, and reinforce the necessity of faking and of doing the mental contorting we women, largely unconsciously, do to make the expectations of how our orgasm should exist in our sexual experiences match with how our bodies actually react to our real-life sexual experiences. We are worse for these lies and contortions -  we women, our partners, and our relationships.

Vulva Rating
So, although this scene is just reflecting the status quo of our sexual culture, it is still true that the sexual status quo is toxic when it comes to the female orgasm, and that this scene contributes to that toxicity. I am going to give this movie a 2 vulva rating because it is overall negative for the future of orgasm equality, but it is not intentionally hurtful or particularly negligent. It's greatest sin is that it did not overachieve in progressiveness and realism related to the female orgasm, and that is really no great sin - only a reminder of how far we have still to go. Also, I'm giving some leniency because, even though the intent was probably off-base, I kind of like that their first time sex scene more accurately depicts from Tish the type ambivalence she might feel about a sex act that wouldn't realistically include an orgasm for her. The

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Lady Bird: The SSL Review

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LADY BIRD
If you haven't checked this movie out, I recommend it. First, it's directed and written by a woman - so that in itself to me is worth supporting, but it also feels like it was directed and written by a woman. I think we need more of that feel in the movie landscape. Second, it's just a solid coming of age movie. To me, it's an incredibly well done movie in this genre. Thirdly, it's SSL approved...which means I think what it puts out into the world regarding lady-gasms, lady-bation, and female sexuality is positive and helping to work towards orgasm equality, but you'll see more about that in the SSL Review.

For those of you new to SSL Reviews: They are a critique of depictions or discussions of female masturbation, female orgasm, or the clit. I only review scenes that include those things - not the movie as a whole (unless I feel like talking about more), and I focus mostly on the realism of the depiction/discussion and also how it fits into a larger cultural discussion of female orgasm and sexuality.

Check all the SSL Review movies HERE and TV SSL Reviews HERE.

Now let's get into it. I'm going to describe all the scenes first and then give you my thoughts on them all together.

Eating hosts and talking water-bation
The first SSL Review eligible scene was with Lady Bird and her BFF Julie. They are seniors at a Catholic high school, and somehow they are in the area where the hosts are stored. They are laying next to each other on their backs with their legs up against the wall, and they're eating hosts. For those not raised Catholic, that's the, ya know, body of christ, and it's pretty sacrilegious. Anyway, it cuts into the following conversation.

Still from Lady Bird (2017)

Lady Bird: ...in the tub I scoot myself under, just like now, like this, and the the water just...whoop. (she motions the water falling down onto her crotch area)Julie and Lady Bird together: Schwoop! (They are both laughing and moving their hands the same way Lady Bird just did)
Julie: (still laughing) You're soooo gross.
Lady Bird: I think I figured it out when I was like 3 or something.
Julie: I use...(laughing)...I take the showerhead...
Lady Bird: Oh my God...(laughing)Julie: Embarrassing (still laughing) I use that.
Lady Bird: I don't know if mine is the right kind though. Maybe it's different when you actually have a penis in there. Like it's more intense.
Julie: Mine was pretty intense, I think.

They both laugh, and then the scene ends after they get interrupted.

First Time
This scene is not technically SSL Reviewable because it's just about intercourse - not lady-gasm, clits, or masturbation. However, I'm including it because I think the lack of lady-gasms here is part of the big picture in this movie regarding female sexuality. So, here it is.

Lady Bird is making out with this popular dude that's kinda her boyfriend. She's made out with him before. They're in his bedroom, and she says she's ready to have sex. He's super cazj about it. She's on him cowgirl style. He puts on a condom, and she gets on that D. You can see her struggle through it a bit, like she sorta relaxes herself and takes it slow, and then she starts to move her hips so it's going in and out, and it's just a hot second before he kinda takes his hands off her. She kinda stops after a second and asks if he was done, and he says yeah (again super cazj). Then she gets a nose bleed and deals with that. Then she's all lovey talking about how they deflowered each other and he's all like, "nah, I've had sex with like 6 people." She gets pissed because he said he was a virgin. He's all like, don't be mad, and she says, "I just wanted it to be special." and he says, "Why? You're gonna have so much unspecial sex in your life," She comes back at him with, "I was on top. Who the fuck is on top their first time?"

Girl Talk
Later she's talking to Julie about the sex she had, and says the following.

Lady Bird: People make so much noise in the movies when it happens, but it's really not a big thing. You can totally be quiet during it.
Julie: Was it amazing though?
Lady Bird: I wanted it so badly, but then I found that when it happened...I really like dry humping much more.

They both laugh, and begin talking about something else.

Expectations, The Actual, and Dry-Humping-Is-Better: My Thoughts
There are a few things I love about what Lady Bird insinuates about female orgasm and what it puts out in the world about female sexuality. I'll list them for you.

Girls masturbate. I mean girls do masturbate. It happens all the time all over the world, and as a culture, we're getting a touch better at acknowledging, accepting, and normalizing that, but it's still way, way behind how we acknowledge, accept and normalize that for boys. So, every time we get a chance to see girls in pop media that masturbate, and better yet, admit to masturbating with positive/neutral feedback in relation to that admission, we are that much closer to a world where it's almost expected that girls explore their own genitals and their own orgasms the same as it's pretty much expected for boys. And, we want a world like that, because girls who masturbate are girls who have a knowledgeable relationship to their orgasms, and they become women who have a fighting chance of finding ways to incorporate their own desire, fantasy and orgasm into their sexual relationships...and everyone benefits from that on so many levels.

The female reality of sexual expectations breaking apart when we encounter the actual. This is where Lady Bird's sexual story as a whole comes together, and I think it really captures the thing we really just don't want to admit - intercourse is kinda BS for lady-gasms and it's often a let-down. Intercourse is great for guys to get off, but not gals. Males orgasm from things encompassing their penises and moving around. Female have never ever, in all of scientific literature, been shown to have a physically verified orgasm from a something stimulating the inside of the vagina. So, uh, intercourse sucks for female orgasm and is super awesome for male orgasm. Yet, for some godforsaken reason, the whole world insinuates (and sometimes downright tells girls and women) that intercourse is going to be this amazing thing that is special and orgasmic and, I don't know, full of fireworks and rainbows and the universe or something. I mean it can be nice, and can be hot, and can be amazing in a way, and can even be orgasmic if you actually included clitoral glans stimulation during it, but the reality is for females it's not always even a little nice, it can hurt, it is often not hot at all- especially if there's not clit stimulation to keep up the arousal, and most women and men have no idea that orgasms come not from the vaginal canal, but from the clitoral glans...so it's not usually orgasmic either.

Whether we realize it or not, I believe all females who become sexually active with a partner (but especially a male partner) get smacked hard with the realization that their expectations about intercourse do not match reality. I think everyone integrates that new reality into their understanding of themselves and sex and orgasm differently, whether it be to adjust expectations, to assume you are broken or bad at sex, to just force into your brain the idea that whatever is happening during sex must be the amazingness it's supposed to be, or maybe for a few lucky ones to realize you need to get your clit involved to come and to begin demanding it. No matter what, though, I think the clash of reality vs. expectations is inevitable, and I love the Lady Bird does indeed encounter this....and you know what? She decides that dry humping is more enjoyable. Why? Well I imagine because her clit is getting rubbed against during the dry humping and only her vaginal canal was getting love during the intercourse. We need more dry humping (which can be orgasmic for all) in the world and less intercourse (which is mostly only orgasmic for males). Just saying.

The subtle poo-pooing of thinking that there are 2 orgasms and the one with a penis inside you is better somehow. Lady Bird masturbates. Obviously I love that for the reasons above. She orgasms, it's insinuated, but she expresses fear to her friend that it's not the "right kind." It's such utter bullshit that people are brainwashed into thinking there are different types of orgasms for women, and that the one involved with intercourse is the better of them, but the truth is we are brainwashed in that way, and her saying that is all too real of a fear that so many women and girls have. There is no 'vaginal orgasm' or g-spot orgasm or uterine or cervical or inner clitoral leg orgasm. People talk like there is, but there is no actual proof they exist. There is only orgasm, and there is no physical proof that this orgasm can ever occur from stimulating the inside of the vagina. The idea that women can get boned or finger fucked to orgasm is just, well myth, to be quite blunt. Female ejaculation can occur, it seems from a specific stimulation inside the vagina, but that is not an orgasm and it usually involvles liquid coming from the urethra. It is physically something completely different. The truth, that no one wants to believe, is that women orgasm from clitoral glans stimulation the same that men orgasm from penile stimulation.

So, I love that Lady Bird expresses that fear because it's so very real. I love even more, though, that Julie says, "Mine was pretty intense, I think." Because, by god, it probably was. It was an orgasm. It wasn't a lesser, outer orgasm. It was an orgasm, and she trusted her actual experience of it being pretty awesome in the way orgasms are awesome, and didn't worry too much that the whole world is (incredibly inaccurately) telling her she needs something inside her to give her a really intense one. To me that scene was responsible in that it noted the reality of how insecure women feel about their orgasm, but didn't validate it. It countered it a bit with Julie's confident and self-aware response.

The physical description of the masturbation was realistic. Of course not everyone masturbates with running water, but some people do (2% according to the surveys in the 1976 book The Hite Report by Shere Hite), and it's clearly a way that could work. I mean, running water gives pressure and stimulation, and if it's right against the clitoral glans area, of course it could cause enough jostling to stimulate an orgasm. Why not? So, the realism of the physical description/depiction of masturbation to orgasms is realistic enough to get my SSL stamp of approval.

Vulva Rating
This movie had a realistic female perspective of masturbation and orgasm - which at times depicted the sadly inaccurate fears and worries forced upon women and girls. However, it never just let the BS set out there unchecked. Yeah, Lady Bird had ideas and worries about another 'better' orgasm that happened during intercourse, and yeah, she and Julie had deeply held ideas about how amazing intercourse was supposed to be, and those are accurate reflections of how a real woman in her position might be thinking. However, the movie didn't reinforce these by ending with these characters we like still just living contently in those myths, it kind of shattered them or at least poked holes in them before the audience said goodbye. I respect that. It's responsible movie-making if you ask me.

So, because of the reality of female perspective, the normalizing of physically realistic female masturbation and of openly admitting to it, and the lovely depiction of the journey a woman/girl takes from believing myths of sexual intercourse to experiencing the reality of it, gives this movie a progressive and realistic statement about female orgasm, female masturbation, and female sexuality.

I give it 5 out of 5 vulvas.
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Live With Siri on Vivid Radio - Awesome 1st Time Story

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Clearly I'm using my free XM radio subscription to listen to Vivid Radio too much. I can't stop, but I'll get into that in another blog. For now, I'd just like to tell you about a story that Siri, who is one of the porn star hosts from this channel, told at the beginning of her show I heard on 4/30/14.

But actually, I want to make it clear that I'm pretty sure it was from "Live with Siri," but I'm not positive. I've tried to search around to confirm that this was from her and not another show, but I couldn't find anything to confirm or deny this - mostly because I am Twitter illiterate, I think. Anyway, if it's not, and you know this, let me know. I would be happy to correct this. I do know that it was a porn star on that station. *update: I've confirmed it was in fact Siri, from the woman herself - thanks!*

So, she was asking people to tell her about first times, and then she told the story of her first time since it was a pretty funny one, or at least really interesting one. So, apparently she finally decided to have intercourse with her boyfriend. They do it, and the actual deed only lasted a couple minutes, and then it was done. Pretty normal first time experience, I think, but here's the interesting part. She says she didn't have an orgasm (also completely normal), and her reaction to that was, "Well, I guess I'm a lesbian." She then goes on to have girlfriends and so forth for the next few years.

I will confess that I didn't hear any more of this show. I had to get out of the car, so I don't know if there are other details she later told that are important, but I'm just going to write from what I heard. So, maybe she later blames this on his quickness, or maybe (I hope this is the case..:).) she later learned she needs to work the clit. I don't know the rest of the story, but I do know that vaginal canal stimulation does not an orgasm make, and that not orgasming during intercourse is, at the very, very best (as ladygasm is concerned) not orgasmic at all for the vast majority of women.

So, anyway, I love her story. I think this is such a great example of the strange disconnect between what we women expect from sex and what we actually experience. She goes on to say that she had had tons of hot orgasmic sex in her mind up till that point. What actually happened was not what she was expecting. I'm with her, and I think many other women are too.  I mean it should be orgasmic, but it's just not. It could be if we add some accouterments, like a vibrator, or some manual clit diddlin', or some focused grinding of the clit on the dude, but how are we supposed to know things like that? Our culture never tells us that. Instead it lies to us with its movies and TV shows and songs and porn and sex ed and churchy ideas of marital love that when we are ready and have sex with someone, it will be AMAZING (i.e. orgasmic). We have to find the truth out in the form of a terrible surprise after we get layed the first time.

This whole situation is a lot for a young woman to process, and I've always thought that we ladies process and deal with this confusing sexual fate in wildly different ways. Some of us just go along and don't give it much thought, some are disappointed but looking forward to find a solution, some are just so in love/excited/horny/hard-headed/gullible/ or whatever - who knows why it happens  - but we just kinda make ourselves believe we are having orgasms (I would be in this category), some blame themselves, some blame their partner. Some have had orgasms from masturbation, oral, or manual before to compare to. Some haven't. Whether any of us can fully articulate it or not, there are just so many possibilities for how we use our experiences and personality to comprehend the bullshit-ness of this grand lie and how we go about our sexual lives from then on.

What I love is that I hadn't ever thought about the possibility of the reaction Siri had. It's as if all this new information just beep-bop-boop computed and popped out the conclusion that dick just didn't work on her the way it does for hetero women. It just shows how fucked up this completely common situation is and how many ways there are to rectify it in one's mind. It also points out how deep and integral the assumption is in all of us that a dick in a vagina is supposed to make a woman come. Siri's computation didn't even consider that the sex act itself was the part that wasn't working, it must be something about her that made this clearly orgasmic act not work correctly.

I honestly don't know much about Siri, but I would love to know more, and I would love to hear her thoughts on my thoughts. Rock on Siri and thanks for sharing such an bad-ass first time story.