Clearly I'm using my free XM radio subscription to listen to Vivid Radio too much. I can't stop, but I'll get into that in another blog. For now, I'd just like to tell you about a story that Siri, who is one of the porn star hosts from this channel, told at the beginning of her show I heard on 4/30/14.
But actually, I want to make it clear that I'm pretty sure it was from "Live with Siri," but I'm not positive. I've tried to search around to confirm that this was from her and not another show, but I couldn't find anything to confirm or deny this - mostly because I am Twitter illiterate, I think. Anyway, if it's not, and you know this, let me know. I would be happy to correct this. I do know that it was a porn star on that station. *update: I've confirmed it was in fact Siri, from the woman herself - thanks!*
So, she was asking people to tell her about first times, and then she told the story of her first time since it was a pretty funny one, or at least really interesting one. So, apparently she finally decided to have intercourse with her boyfriend. They do it, and the actual deed only lasted a couple minutes, and then it was done. Pretty normal first time experience, I think, but here's the interesting part. She says she didn't have an orgasm (also completely normal), and her reaction to that was, "Well, I guess I'm a lesbian." She then goes on to have girlfriends and so forth for the next few years.
I will confess that I didn't hear any more of this show. I had to get out of the car, so I don't know if there are other details she later told that are important, but I'm just going to write from what I heard. So, maybe she later blames this on his quickness, or maybe (I hope this is the case..:).) she later learned she needs to work the clit. I don't know the rest of the story, but I do know that vaginal canal stimulation does not an orgasm make, and that not orgasming during intercourse is, at the very, very best (as ladygasm is concerned) not orgasmic at all for the vast majority of women.
So, anyway, I love her story. I think this is such a great example of the strange disconnect between what we women expect from sex and what we actually experience. She goes on to say that she had had tons of hot orgasmic sex in her mind up till that point. What actually happened was not what she was expecting. I'm with her, and I think many other women are too. I mean it should be orgasmic, but it's just not. It could be if we add some accouterments, like a vibrator, or some manual clit diddlin', or some focused grinding of the clit on the dude, but how are we supposed to know things like that? Our culture never tells us that. Instead it lies to us with its movies and TV shows and songs and porn and sex ed and churchy ideas of marital love that when we are ready and have sex with someone, it will be AMAZING (i.e. orgasmic). We have to find the truth out in the form of a terrible surprise after we get layed the first time.
This whole situation is a lot for a young woman to process, and I've always thought that we ladies process and deal with this confusing sexual fate in wildly different ways. Some of us just go along and don't give it much thought, some are disappointed but looking forward to find a solution, some are just so in love/excited/horny/hard-headed/gullible/ or whatever - who knows why it happens - but we just kinda make ourselves believe we are having orgasms (I would be in this category), some blame themselves, some blame their partner. Some have had orgasms from masturbation, oral, or manual before to compare to. Some haven't. Whether any of us can fully articulate it or not, there are just so many possibilities for how we use our experiences and personality to comprehend the bullshit-ness of this grand lie and how we go about our sexual lives from then on.
What I love is that I hadn't ever thought about the possibility of the reaction Siri had. It's as if all this new information just beep-bop-boop computed and popped out the conclusion that dick just didn't work on her the way it does for hetero women. It just shows how fucked up this completely common situation is and how many ways there are to rectify it in one's mind. It also points out how deep and integral the assumption is in all of us that a dick in a vagina is supposed to make a woman come. Siri's computation didn't even consider that the sex act itself was the part that wasn't working, it must be something about her that made this clearly orgasmic act not work correctly.
I honestly don't know much about Siri, but I would love to know more, and I would love to hear her thoughts on my thoughts. Rock on Siri and thanks for sharing such an bad-ass first time story.
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