4.22.2023

Match - The SSL Review



Match - The Movie
So, I wouldn't blame you if you hadn't seen this move. It was pretty independent and low budget, and it's based on a play, so it's one of those movies that were obviously a play because it has like 2 sets and a lot of dialogue. 



All that said, I was into it. And, it's not just that it stars Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise, who I've had a heavy crush on since the 80's when I started watching him and Data and all the fab starship crew. It helped, obviously, but I actually think Patrick Stewart usually for real brings it to a role. Anyway, I liked the movie, and he said one thing in it that makes it SSL Reviewable. It's super simple and barely SSL Reviewable, but I just wanted to write about my Jean-Luc saying something I would like to think he actually says in real life. Also, somewhat recently Patrick Stewart married a brunette white lady, who is not famous and my age, so I feel like I missed out on my true path somehow. 



An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)
Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).
 
Eat ME Out, Captain
So, I won't give away anything about the plot of the movie, because I don't want to spoil anything. It's that kind of movie. What I can tell you is the my Jean-Luc plays Tobi, a high-end ballet teacher at Julliard that back in the day used to live the good dancer life. He tells some stories of the old days, and in one he says:

Tobi Powell: God, I used to love to perform cunnilingus. Sorry, too much information. 
Lisa Davis: Uh... no. 
Tobi Powell: I was actually quite good at it. A little like the slip stitch knitting that I would later take up, over and under... mark thumb placement in the gap between needles, [both laughing a little] 
Tobi Powell: break yarn, thread tail, draw up, fasten off...I've offended you. 
Lisa Davis: No, uh... just catches me a bit off guard. 
Tobi Powell: Well, most good cunnilingus conversations do.

I mean, I'm gonna give this a good vulva rating - not the very best, but good. It wasn't like anything super amazing was said here. It wasn't like there was an incredibly progressive discussion about how banging a vagina was not a good or even slightly sensible way to get a lady-gasm. It was just a dude talking about how he enjoys eating out pussy, but ya know what? We could use more of that, so I will celebrate it a little. I do believe each year the idea that pussies (or if you want to call them by their proper name, Vulvas) should be eaten as much as dicks are sucked, grows the tiniest bit, but we still have a long, long way to go. The Oral Sex Gap is sadly very much still alive and well, and certainly a no small part in the overall Orgasm Equality Gap. 

The more we hear people in the media say they like cunnilingus; the more we hear women saying they masturbate; the more we see the clit being rubbed out or a vibe used on the vulva during a fuck; the more we hear a woman say she expects her clit to be as involved in the sex act as much as the penis is, the more normalized all those things will be, and that's a big part of what's needed if we ever want lady-gasms to be as prominent in sex as dude-gasms. 

So, thank you Jean-Luc. I'm going to masturbate tonight to you cunnilingussing me. 4 out of 5 vulvas from me.

(!)(!)(!)(!)

4.11.2023

Girls S1E2 - The SSL Review



Reviewing Girls
I put up a post about the overview of the entire Girls series in 2017 - 6 years ago. I just reread it, and I liked it. It did present the feel in that show of female sexuality and orgasm pretty well as I remember it  - a mixed bag of old-timey and contemporary notions and experiences with sex; where the women are overly accommodating yet straightforward, invested yet taking things as they come with a lightness and humor, enjoying it yet having a pretty shitty time. It feels very raw and real in a certain way, and I appreciate it, even if I'm not so sure this complicated relationship to sex is particularly thoughtful and intentional. I suspect it's more likely just written from earnest experiences and it comes off this way because real women are existing in this plane and writing from that point of view. You can give it a read. It's a good starter to these Girls SSL Reviews that I'm finally doing. 

My plan is to do these reviews in categories based on the series as a whole. Like, I'll have a post about all the masturbation scenes and then all the scenes where a girl gets fucked and just doesn't come, and then another where a girl gets banged and "orgasms." However, the sex scenes in S1 E2 spoke to me a bit. It feels to me like they need to be discussed together as their own thing because, well basically, I see them as two sides of the same coin. Women not caring about their own desire and orgasm; men not thinking about anyone but themselves.

There are 2 scenes. The first is with Hannah and Adam - not even really dating - just some hook-ups. Hannah is desperate to please him. Adam is aggressive, says disgusting shit, does whatever he wants. The second is Marnie and Charlie. They are 23 and been dating 4 years. Marnie seems over him. Charlie is gentle, says loving shit, and does things he thinks will please her. What the two men have in common is that neither notice how completely unaroused the woman they're fucking are...and it's pretty obvious. The thing the two girls have in common is that neither has brought their physical sexual desires into the bed. 


SSL Review basic (skip if you already know)
Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

The Scenes!
Let me explain each scene quickly, and then I'll give the big overview. It'll be very exciting. 

Hannah and Adam
They're on his bed. Adam's pounding her, missionary with her legs pushed up against her stomach. He's way into it and saying all kinds of gross shit. She's in no way aroused and just kind of talking back to him in a very casual way.  He's telling her he found her in the street. She was 11 with a Cabbage Patch lunch box, and he's going to send her back to her parents covered in cum. At first she's slightly confused but nonchalant as he's saying this stuff, but then she starts to catch on that he's role-playing and starts to play along. She's doing that in a way that is not her getting aroused by it, but her understanding what she is supposed to do in the situation and doing it. He flips her around a bit, then pulls out and asks where he should come. She's incredibly nonchalant and still not at all horny in this situation too, and he starts wanking to come on her tits. He's like crazy aroused, and she is absolutely not. He tells her to touch herself. She asks where, and he tells her she knows where. To that, she says that honestly it's a little hard from that angle. He drops it and is continuing to say dirty shit. He goes into telling her she needs to ask his permission to come, and if she even thinks she might come she has to call him. She just says, "you want me to call you?" Then he puts his hand on her cheek and presses her face sideways on the pillow, comes, and rolls off.

She says, "That was really good. That was so good. I almost came." He doesn't care. He just asks if she wants a Gatorade.

Marnie and Charlie
They are on her bed in her and Hannah's shared apartment, in the same position as Hannah and Adam when their scene started. She is also very much not into it, and he very much is, but he's not pounding. He's slow stroking, but not grindy. He's saying sweet things like asking her to look at him so they can look into each other's eyes when they come. First, she's nowhere close to even thinking about coming, and also she's clearly annoyed and looking to the side. She tells him she wants to turn around and do doggy. They talk about how he thought she hated doggy, and then he gets inside her and starts going on and on about how good it feels and how he's going to have to go slow. She clearly just wants him to finish the fuck up so they can be done.

Later we see them arguing in the living room as he's about to leave. He's telling her he doesn't even know how to make love to her anymore. She's annoyed by that and tells him he should just do what you want and go on with his day because that's what guys do. He's annoyed by that. He tells her it's crazy, and asks her if he should just be some dumb abusive sex dude. 
 
Then Hanna gets home and the two gals have a conversation where Marnie tells Hannah that Charlie is too busy respecting her and just looks past her. Hannah points out they've been together 4 years, and it's probably normal if she's just bored. That annoys Marnie in its simplicity, but Hannah holds her ground and says she doesn't buy that Marnie's problem is that she has too good of a boyfriend. Then Hannah tells Marnie that Adam's still on with the gross stuff; the hooker stuff, daddy stuff, a platter of 'stuff'.' Clearly it's a thing they'd previously discussed as gross. Marnie is appalled and tells Hannah that Adam can't do that to her - he's not her boyfriend.  

The Discussion
First, in neither of those sex situation was there anything even slightly involving the clit. There were no hands, no vibrators, not rubbing the pelvis against bodies or bedding. For these ladies, there was just a penis moving in and out of a vagina. That does not an lady-gasm make. Contrary to popular belief, the stimulation of the inside of the vagina has never been shown to cause an orgasm in all of scientific literature (For Real). For the vagina-haver, that is. A penis rubbing into a vagina, on the other hand, has many a time shown been shown to cause orgasm in scientific literature for the penis-haver. That is also true for stimulation around the vulva/clit area. Many a time has that brought about observable, physical orgasm response.

 All that to say that the sex these 2 girls were having might seem different, but they're not. They are both doing what so many a lady have done for ages - having intercourse and not orgasming. It's the most basic it can get. The talking and the style of the two dudes is kind of irrelevant because either way, their partner's bodies are in no way getting the kind of orgasmic stimulation that their own bodies are. And, yeah, one might be saying gross things and one sweet things, but neither of them are looking at their partner and acknowledging what a very, very different experience their lady is having. Both of the dudes, in the end, are authentically and understandably getting incredibly physically aroused by their penis being simulated by a vagina and then, very incorrectly, assuming their partner is feeling similarly. 

Both the women are having sex with a person in a completely unaroused state and are doing their very best to ensure that their partner orgasms while having absolutely no expectation or intention to come themselves. Even Marnie, through her annoyance, is determined to get him off. She absolutely doesn't even want to be there at all. She is annoyed as hell with him, but she doesn't have any intention to stop until he comes. Granted she wants it done fast, but she is letting him use her unaroused body to come, like it's his right or something - just as Hannah is. 

I like these 2 scenes juxtaposed because I see it as examples of how big a part non-physical things become in a sexual relationship when the physical parts are not in the equation. I mean, this must be how Marnie and Charlie have done it for years, right? He seems like he's confused about why her attitude suddenly changed. He says he doesn't know how to make love to her anymore as if he's doing the same thing, and she has changed her attitude about it. He's confused, and she might be to some degree too, but I'm not. It's the oldest story in the book. I highly suspect she never or rarely came while they were making love for the past 4 years, but she was enamored with him - just like Hannah is with Adam right now. We're so fucked up and confused about sex and lady-gasms in this world that she probably just thought that's how things were. That's what sex is like, and she focused on the love and closeness and all that jazz, but when those things drop out, the sex is just a piece of a body poking inside her body. It's not arousing. Charlie, on the other hand, had always come, so even if the feelings leave, at least the orgasm is left. 

Marnie and Charlie have likely been experiencing sex completely differently for the last 4 years, but don't really realize it. The same is true for Hannah. She's the same as Marnie, but early in the relationship and willing to put ups with just really bothersome shit because she likes that he is engaged with her when they fuck. I feel like the extreme sweetness from the long-term relationship and extreme grossness from the new relationship really drives that point home.  

These two scenes feel very real. Like these are situations, give or take some elements and extremeness, that many a woman or her friend have gone through, and don't ya just know, we can, as always, thank a male-gasm centered sexual culture that has very little realistic room for clitoral stimulation and thus very little room for female orgasm. 

Vulva Rating
I have to say, because these scenes struck me as speaking, in their juxtaposition, about the plight of a female sexuality devoid of orgasm across the timeline of a relationship, I'm feeling generous with the Vulva Rating. It feels poignant to me. It's also realistic in its lack of orgasm depictions, because there were simply not physical things happening to these women that could realistically be said to cause a lady-gasm. I, obviously, appreciate that...and further - I appreciate that the lack of orgasm wasn't sort of hidden. It was really obvious neither of these women were even aroused. There was no ambiguity there. 
On the other hand, my hot take on this is a bit in the weeds here. I think it'd be easy for someone to just watch this and see two gross/funny/strange sex scenes. In the end they are in some ways like most sex scenes out there - a woman getting banged. So, it's not really progressive in that it's not modelling better, more lady-gasm friendly ways to go about sexual interactions, and we desperately need scenes like that to make clit-focused sexual interactions seem more mainstream and expected. So, I can't give it a full 5 vulvas, but it gets a super respectable 4 out of 5 vulvas.

(!)(!)(!)(!)



4.04.2023

Firefly Lane Season 2 - The SSL Review



Firefly Lane - Season 2
I SSL Reviewed the first season of this show, and it only got 1out of 5 vulvas. One of the characters on here is a classic Samantha from Sex in the City archetype; a woman that is touted as being uber-sexual and confident by simply being REALLY into the types of sexual interactions that are realistically orgasmic for males but not females. It's kind of a pretend (but not uncommon) idea of a strong female sexuality. Tully in this show is that - HERE's the S1 Review. This is a Netflix show recommended me by my BBF. We've been friends since about the 2nd grade, and this show is about childhood BFFs as they move through life. It's originally a book, I think. I'm always looking for shows to have on while I'm doing stuff. They keep my interest but not too much; a little bit drama, a little bit sappy, occasionally genuinely sweet. This show meets the requirements. I actually burned through this season 2 while I was cleaning, and it was pretty much exactly what I wanted. This season has less SSL-reviewable moments, but don't worry, they're still pretty bad.  

As I often say, just because women are involved in the making of something about female orgasm, doesn't mean you should expect it to be more sensible or anatomically accurate than something made by dudes. The sad truth is we're all largely miseducated and confused. I mean, Romance Novels are written largely by women, and although there's some with very sensible lady-gasm scenes, there are also tons of wildly inaccurate ones - often hilarious, but completely unrealistic and sometimes straight up bonkers.  



An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)
Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).
 
Office Closet Bang - The Basics - 1st scene
I'll cut straight to the chase. There's a scene where Tully gets banged in an office closet. It's quick. You see them making out and then she's sat on a shelf, facing the dude (we'll call him 'Dude'). He's facing her with her legs straddling him. They seemingly start the intercourse. He really bangs her, and then they both seem to come at the same time. There's no hands or vibrators down there near her clit area. Her pelvis isn't grinding up against him. It's just straight bangin'...just a penis stimulating the inside of her vagina (which is absolutely not something one should realistically expect to cause orgasm - for real) They finish, and it was clearly amazing for both of them. HOWEVER, if we throw in the reality of female anatomy, and what is actually known about how females orgasm in the scientific studies over the last...oh, say, forever years, then it's incredibly unrealistic that the action we saw would actually get Tully off. That ol' Dude got off, however, is completely in line with scientific, anatomical, and real-life experience understanding of how a male body might orgasm.

As is often the case this very common and basic scene just reinforces the very incorrect assumption that ladies should just come from getting banged...or maybe even more damaging - that certain (special) women can just come from a penis stimulating their vaginal barrel because, well, their lady junk is somehow different than others or they are cooler or more relaxed/sexual/confident or something like that. It's not an assumption has a base in reality, but it is a super common assumption and one that haunts many a person as they navigate their sex life. Scenes like these keep that alive and well.


Sometimes A Girl Just Likes To Get Banged - 2nd scene
This is a line Tully says to her BFF Kate...and Kate agrees. I find this scene incredibly troubling. Basically, Kate is talking about her boyfriend - a guy we know she will not end up with because we already know who that guy is. Kate's saying how nice and perfect he is. Tully starts calling bullshit because she's too syrupy. I actually like that part - she was absolutely too syrupy and bullshit should have been called, but Tully makes an assumption and starts questioning the sex in their relationship. Basically Kate says he's great and attentive, and sensitive, but eventually, against Tully's continued skepticism, agrees with Tully when she says, "but sometimes a girl just likes to get banged." In fact, clearly it's a bother to Kate that this dude doesn't just ram the shit out of her. 

Okay, so I get that getting and certainly giving a hardcore bangfest can be fun, crazy/wild, arousing, and lots of other things, but for all the reasons I talked about above, it's very, very, likely not orgasmic - women are already not coming nearly as much as we could/should. So, yeah, maybe Kate wants a good banging. I'm not against a bang or someone wanting a bang. We already know Tully loves a bang. But, I am against glorifying the already overly glorified bang by throwing under the bus the very attitude from a man that could realistically create lady-gasm inducing sexual situations. So, this scene hits a nerve for me. It strongly insinuates that a man who is attentive to a woman's sexual needs and is thoughtful and sensitive is lame in bed, and what women really want is a dude that fucks her brains out. It's egregious to me because this isn't some hot take that only women could give about what women want with sex. It's not a funny, interesting tidbit between close women friends about the no-hold-barred reality of what sex is like for the ladies. It's just the basic cultural story we're told about what sex should be like, but spit back out thorugh the mouths of lady friends. And the gross part is that this cultural story is the very age-old cultural story that keep vaginal intercourse as the be-all-end-all of sex and thus keeps the female orgasm largely out of sexual encounters. 

Listen, if Kate were a real person that said this, and not a TV character, I'd put insane amounts of money down that she'd be changing her tune down the road. After a few years of getting banged by the same dude over and over, of largely not orgasming when she has sex, of still being aroused after he comes and not getting the physical relief of an orgasm, of watching her dude orgasm almost every single time while she doesn't so much, of naturally losing all the excitement that comes with a new person/new sex/ new love that made orgasmless sex seem so exciting...I mean you know that other cultural story we often hear about where women stop wanting to have sex after they get married? It comes from some place, and I venture to say that place is a sex life full of lady-gasmless banging that over time lost the excitement/newness/arousal that it had at the beginning and slowly makes sexual encounters less desirable for her but fairly similar to him and his orgasm-full sex life. I think this is incredibly common - and sadly neither party truly understands why. 

Anyway, this scene just that shitty cultural story deeper into our collective conscious and makes it seem like it's a story women want and need in our lives, when it's quite the opposite. 

The Vulva Rating
For all the reasons above, and because I just really hate that "sometimes a girl just likes to get banged" scene so much, especially because this should be more of a lady-centric show, and is in other ways, I give this season 0 vulvas out of 5.