Magic Mike XXL - Honorary SSL Review

Oh - you didn't wanna watch a movie that's basically a kick-ass male strip show with a side of road trip buddy comedy? And what was that? You don't like a movie with zero bullshit love drama, lots of good-natured fun, sweeeeet dance moves, a variety of female bodies (without constant comment on those bodies), and an abundance of rock hard male bodies? You don't like smiles, laughing, happiness, sweetness, or sparkles, either!?? Well fuck you. You're obviously an idiot. You're probably (somehow) a professional critic that wrote a review for Magic Mike XXL on Rotten Tomato, and I don't care what you have to say. That movie was on point - so on point.

It's no secret that I was in the More Stripping, Less Plot (less ridiculously stupid, badly acted, cliched plot) camp about the original Magic Mike. I was also somewhat annoyed at the way critics were rubbing themselves off about it because it was a Soderbergh film, and being all shitty about women who critiqued it. I wrote an Honorary SSL Review (honorary because it didn't actually have any depictions/discussions on female orgasm or masturbation) about it at the time.

This is another Honorary SSL Review. There was no talk of or showing of any lady-bation or any lady-gasms, but there was the word 'clitoris,' and that's kinda close. Well, actually it wasn't exactly 'clitoris.' It was Clitoria Labia, and it was the name Magic Mike picks for his inner drag queen. I'm not gonna explain - just believe me that it makes sense in the movie. Point is, how often do we ever hear the word clitoris in a movie? Not much I'll tell ya - certainly not even close to as much as we hear the words pussy, vagina, and other related type word...so I'm giving the movie big props for that. I mean if an inner drag queen is proud of her femininity, what better parts to honor that the ones that actually give orgasmic pleasure, am I right?

Okay, so really, that's about all I want to say. This movie is all the things that the first movie should have been. I enjoyed the shit out of it, and I feel like the people who made it actually listened to the complaints and desires from the loads of women who were disappointed with the first one.

To end, here's the answers to all your questions.

Dude's being assholes? Nah, just flirty, fun-loving, and sexy

Ladies being annoying as shit (to the men in the movie or the audience)? Nah, just ladies having too much damn fun when hot male strippers are hanging out with them.

Acting? Whatever - fine enough. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if half of this was completely improved.

Sparkles? Plenty. Towards the end we get like a glitter money shot. I hope anyone who reads my blog knows that sparkle and glitter is important to me. They just are.

Plot?  - Perfectly simple. Friends quickly reunite and decide to roadtrip it in some kind of frozen yogurt van to perform at their final stripping convention. They have fun and minor troubles along the way. They blow it the hell up at an epic show. The movie ends.

Jada Pinkett Smith? - Killed it.

Andie MacDowell's Scene? - Best rich southern ladies girl's night EVER.

Drama and asinine relationship bullshit? Fuck no.

Scenes where dudes be dancin' sexy? So many - from the convenience store to the woodworking shop to the drag show

Hardcore flippin', bangin', grindin', and muff-area divin' to the ladies who be stripped upon by beautiful men (in a way that is fun for all involved)? You bet your sweet ass.

For the love of god. Go see this.

****Edit: I cannot believe I forgot to give a specific shout-out to Twitch (seen above on the left). He was rollin' those hips and doin' them moves like the bonafide dance star he is. Fantastic casting, and I have extra love because he comes from maybe my all-time favorite show So You think You Can Dance. Seriously, if you do in fact think you can dance, then watch this show and realize that you actually suck and start trying to be more like the dancers who rise to the top in this show. I'm being for real - unlike all the singing shows like American Idol or dancing crap like Dancing with the Stars, SYTYCD has seriously top-notch dancing and choreography talent. Watch it...and Magic Mike XXL - you won't be disappointed with either.

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