Hello, friends. It's time for another Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.
Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.
Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.
The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 18
The following page is in the chapter Relationships Between Boys and Their Fathers. The page is filled with men's answers to the question,"Are you or were you close to your father? In what way? What is/was he like? What do you think of him? Can you talk to your father?" "What was your relationship to him when you were a child? Were you physically close (affectionate)?" The passage is preceded by the following section header:
Almost no men said they had been or were close to their fathers:
"I loved him very much as a boy - now I am ambivalent about him. He is a weak man, dominated by my mother, dependent. I am very angry with him because he was not a good model for me - he does not know himself and so he taught me to be someone that can't exist - macho."
"I was not real close to my father. He was a hard-working, honest man who liked to drink a little too much on occasion and had a few affairs in his life."
"My father is a dominant, controlling man. He accepts responsibility well, but is inept in interpersonal relationships, except on a casual basis. I now have a comfortable relationship with him, but very superficial."
"We were never close. He was a weekend alcoholic. When he was drunk Mom would hide upstairs, and he would rant and rave. It was terrifying. The rest of the week he was passive. Did his job, came home, and watched TV."
"We were not close. He is very quiet - distant. I respect his dedication to the family, but i never talk to him about important things."
"I don't think of him much. I don't think we were suited to be father and son but i wonder if anyone was."
"My father and I never spent a great deal of time together. He is honest, and loyal, but even now my father and I can go days without saying nothing but good morning and good night to each other."
"I feel cheated because I had absolutely no love from my father for as long as I can remember. He just tried to buy my love with outrageous presents, like a motorcycle when I was twelve and two more before I even had my driver's license. Then a brand-new car, etc. We never talked or did things together."
"Dad was always busy. We saw a lot of him on vacations of a month of camping but little else. He would punish us when he got home from work after talking to mom."
"My father had a bad temper and did not spare the rod. He was hard to get close to and did not show affection to my brother or me. I liked my dad but doubt that I loved him."
"I don't know a lot about him because he was always travelling, but I feel a lot of warmth towards him and from him. He's dark-haired, doesn't talk much about himself."
"No-but he seemed like a nice man."
"I'm not really close to my father. I respect him more than he knows, and I know that he cares about me. But we did very little together. He s strict, and used to have an explosive temper, which has mellowed considerably int he last few years. He grew up in the depression, and refuses to throw anything away because he 'might need it someday.' I love my father, but I can't talk to him about anything but practical or mechanical matters."
"I was very detached from my father. He was, and is, unable to show any emotion except negative ones, such as anger, cynicism, frustration, etc. He never complimented me or anyone, and never said anything positive to me. I only worked around the house with him as a kind of assistant. He worked a lot on the house, I think as a kind of substitute way of caring for the family and providing for it without ever saying 'I love you' to anyone. I avoided him because he meant more work or criticism. He also worked nights, so I didn't see him as often as others saw their fathers. We were never physically close."