Hello, as I said before I feel like I should be highlighting blog posts and articles out there that are adding positively to the effort for orgasm equality. So, today I'd like to point all of you to a blog post by the fantastic blogger of at In Bed With Married Women.
She wrote a blog, strangely titled Title This Post Contest, about her frustration of being a woman who needs clitoral stimulation to orgasm in a world where it seems so many other women just come at the drop of a hat. Now, full disclosure, she mentions one of my posts in her blog, but I promise, that's not why I'm singling her post out. Frankly, I thought her post was brave, and it really made me feel hopeful.
I think we ladies need to talk more bravely and openly about our real, physical experiences and about how we feel about our own experience versus what we expected our experiences to be. We need to be honest about how frustrated we sometimes get, and how confused we sometimes are, and how much we compare our orgasm lives (or lack there of) to what we believe other women's to be. I think if we all start letting our guard down more and speaking honestly to each other, then we just might see that we all have more similar experiences than we ever thought. We might see that these things we feel frustrated about and bad about, are less personal problems and more larger cultural problems. Anyway, thank you Jill from In Bed With Married Women for creating a courageous awesome post.
Here's the beginning of her post, which I like, but I suggest you read the whole post, especially since she did something awesome like offer a vibrator prize to the reader who best named that post - as long as that reader was one who also needed the ol' clit stim.
So I was going through your responses to the questions about clit-vag distance and its relation/non-relation to your propensity to come via straight-on intercourse alone (Woo! Sexy talk. Is it hot in here?) and now I am just...depressed. Or possibly pissed off. At the very least, I am most certainly miffed.
Why? Because of those among you who can have an orgasm--like no problem--with no other kind of hand stimulation, mouth assistance, divine intervention--nothing. Practically all the time.
For example, in response to "Do you come easily, sometimes or never via intercourse alone?"
Anonymous commented:
"rather easily and usually multiple times"
And Naomi bragged answered:
"always come easily, no fingers or appliances needed (or even wanted, too distracting from the main event)"
For me, coming from just fucking alone has happened--maybe--five times. In my life. And that's rounding up.
It's biological tyranny, I say.
For men and the rare lucky chick who just needs a little in-and-out to come "rather easily and usually multiple times," let me explain. I think porn and romance novels and the in-and-out chicks have skewed what we think is a "normal" sexual response. Despite what we see and read all the damn time, the majority of women need some sort of extra stimulation to have an orgasm. The vast majority of women. That's just how it is.
Several men and women, who I consider to be generally enlightened, have mentioned variations of "it just takes the right man"--which is, I think, only true to a certain extent. Yes, some men are much better lovers. Yes, some men's parts are more compatible with your own. And yes, some men will get you so hot you could practically come from their gaze. All of these are good and can help.
However, in most women, the clit is where things are happening. But in a cruel twist of nature, Today's Generally Accepted Fuck Moves are happening in the vagina, which is annoyingly close to the clit, but...not...quite...there. Men, picture if your main sensory pleasure center was, say, on your perineum but you were expected to get to your bliss via regular old boning. You could get close. Your balls might rub against there occasionally, or you might figure out some crazy-ass position that sort of almost did the trick. But it wouldn't the kind of direct you-are-there-stimulation you'd need.
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