The 40 Year Old Virgin: The SSL Review

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Intro 
I've been meaning to SSL Review The 40 Year Old Virgin for a long time. It came out in 2005, and I certainly thought it was funny when I saw it at the time, but I was also researching for this movie then and noted some things it insinuated about lady-gasms. I've kinda been waiting for it to be on Netflix to watch it again for review, but it never happened, so I finally dropped the 4 bucks and rented it on Amazon Prime.

As a reminder an SSL Review focuses exclusively on depictions or discussions about female orgasm or female masturbation, and looks specifically at the realism of those depictions/discussions and how they fit into the larger cultural understanding of female orgasm and female sexuality. A movie could get an overall good review but have a bad SSL Review or vice versa. They are not necessarily linked. Find all the SSL Movie Reviews HERE.

Rape Culture At Its Finest
Oh, and also if I feel like it, I can comment on things that don't specifically involve the depiction/discussion of lady-bation or lady-gasms. As it happens, I feel like it now because, see, I noticed something in the movie that must not have struck me when I first watched it 10 years ago.

Some Character Background
I assume you've seen the movie. Most people probably have. It's about a 40 year old dude Andy (Steve Carell) who is still a virgin. His co-workers at pretend Best Buy find out and want to get him laid, particularly 3 dudes David (Paul Rudd), Jay (Romany Malco), and Cal (Seth Rogan). Andy is both embarrassed and annoyed that they want to force him into having sex. He's depicted in this movie as a 'nice guy' (the eventual woman he meets and finally makes love to on their wedding night even says to him on their first date that he's a 'nice guy' and that to her own peril, she's never dated 'nice guys'). And he is a 'nice guy.' He's thoughtful and kind and adorably quirky. He's awkward around women, but a genuine soul. His only real fault is he still has a child-like innocence. He doesn't really masturbate much. He doesn't like porn. He doesn't like to say the word pussy or bitch. He 'loves and respects women.' It's just he's awkward, guys - that's why he hasn't had a relationship with a woman in 20 years! Seriously, though, it really does seem to feed into this fantasy that 'nice guys' finish last because women only respond sexually to men like the 3 co-workers who are assholes to women and that 'nice guys' only get some if they are assholes too, or if they find the rare woman (like the one Andy eventually finds) who finally wises-up, stops dating assholes and finally sees that the nice guys are where it's at (even if he does need to 'grow up' a bit).

Finding Really Drunk Chicks To Screw Scene
Anyway, let's get back to these 3 friends. Their first attempt to get Andy laid is at a bar. Jay is talking to Andy about what to do, but Andy is mostly annoyed at the advice.

Jay: This is what's about to happen, alright. You about to go run down some drunk chick. Don't confuse that with tipsy. I'm talking about drunk. I want vomit in the hair. Bruised up knees. A Broken heel is a plus. That's what you want to find. Ok?
Andy: No, alright. Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight, and now he's gone...so...
Jay: Dude, just stop thinkin' for a minute. You ain't got to think on this one. All you got to do is use your instinct. Show me your instinct.

They go through a thing where Andy talks about his heart as an instinct and dude tells him it's in his dick and makes him point to his dick to show where his instinct is.

Jay: That's how a tiger know he's got to tackle a gazelle. It's a code written in his DNA that says tackle the gazelle.
Andy: Ok (exasperated) 

Jay: And believe it or not, in every man there's a code that says tackle drunk bitches.
Andy: You know what? I don't feel comfortable hitting on drunk bitches (he says bitches like it hurts his mouth). You know...I don't think that's right.
Jay: Ok, Ok, hold up. First of all you're making it out to be some kind of bad thing. I didn't use 'bitches' in a derogatory sense. You did.
Andy: It's just. This doesn't feel right.
Jay: Of course it doesn't feel right. What has felt right for you doesn't work. You need to try some wrong, dog.
Andy: Ok, how do, uh,  I tell which ones are drunk?
Jay: Ok now you're talking.

Then Jay starts pointing them out, but telling Andy to not look directly at them (Andy doesn't feel comfortable doing that anyway) but to use his peripherals, which Andy reluctantly does.

Jay: Now with your peripherals, you got to scope out a hot drunk chick, and then you got to make your move. Ok?
Andy: OK. yes (still a little exasperated)

Jay: Alright. And remember it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot for this first one. Go get em'. Peripherals though, all the way...all peripherals.

Andy is walking away, but kinda stumbling because he's trying to use his peripherals. David comes over to stand next to Jay and watch Andy.

Jay: The boy is stubborn.

Andy stops and talks to a woman we can't see.

Andy: Hi I'm Andy. You look comfortable. 

She's revealed to be passed out on a couch.

Andy: Can I get you another cocktail?
David: (from across the room) Too drunk!
Jay: But you got the right idea!
David:  But clinically alive!

It cuts to Andy who finds Cal and asks him for help finding the drunk people. Cal makes a joke but then tells them he found a bachelorette party they should hang with. Well, turns out there is a really drunk bitch in the party, and Andy does indeed go home with her. Andy hasn't drank anything but he rides a bike, so she drives. We find she is a habitual drunk driver. She almost kills them a lot and eventually crashes and pukes on his face (I actually like this scene a lot, though, for real). She says she'll still have sex with him, but he passes. The next morning at work he's talking to the 3 guys who are laughing at him.

Andy: It was a very bad night. Yeah laugh. You know you guys wouldn't be laughing right now if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth.
Jay: Oh, you know what? You're right. It's my bad. Let me apologize first of all for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk women who's falling down on her way out of the bar, that you should probably drive.
Andy: I drive a bike
Jay: Alright Mr. Schwin fucking Armstrong. Who asked you to drive a bike?

The Analysis
So, I get that the three guys are supposed to be, in a way, terrible people, so you could say the movie tells us the rapey-ness is bad by indicating those guys are bad, but they are also endearing, lovable characters with hopes and dreams that end up doing right by Andy in the end. Opposed to being bad people, I would say we are meant to relate to them and grow to like them. I also know that Andy's nice-guy reluctance to 'tackling drunk chics' might also seem like the movie's indictment of such tactics, but I don't think that's the case. I would say this movie never really indicts the idea of intentionally coercing people who are barely coherent into having sex they cannot fully consent to. No, the indictment seems to be more about not forcing your friend to engage in meaningless sex and not looking at sex as meaningless. There is never a 'don't try and rape women' lesson here. The three men never get their comeuppance for being involved in a situation where someone drives a fall-down, puking, bruises on her knees, drunk woman back to a place to fuck her. I mean, it is a pretty intentional method to fuck someone without actual consent (i.e. rape) but that's not what the movie faults them for. Instead the lesson these three men learn is that Andy is right about wanting to fall in love and not just fuck. So, there is a sweetness to this movie, sweetness many critics have happily pointed to, but that sweetness does not override the movie's casual acceptance of rapey-ness as part of finding meaningless, one-night-stand sex.

P.S. I looked up to see if there's much written about this. There's not. It's mostly awesome reviews of this movie, but I did find 2 thoughtful articles about this movie's endorsement of rapey-behavior HERE and an especially good one HERE.

A Quick Lady-Bation Reference
Okay, that was a long aside about the surprising rapey-ness in the movie, but here's the first of the actual SSL Reviewable scenes. This occurs when Andy tries to pick up this bookstore worker (Beth played by Elizabeth Banks) at her place of employment. On advice from Cal, he answers her only in questions. He is somewhat unintentionally playing with sexy innuendo (remember, he's kind of pure and nice-guyish), and it starts to turn her on, and she too gets all innuendo-y. He's been asking her what he should get at the bookstore.

Beth: We have a lot of books. It depends on what you like.
Andy: What do you like?
Beth: We have a great, um, section on do it yourself.
Andy: Do you like to 'do it yourself''?
Beth: (giggling) Sometimes (giggling)...if the mood strikes.
Andy: How is the mood striking you now?
Beth: (laughs a lot, then gets sexy-serious) What's your name?

So, really it's just a quick reference from a woman about masturbating. She gets the innuendo about it, and admits to it in a sexy way. I'm always happy to see a woman in a movie admit to masturbating because it is still so often not depicted, and so many people feel as though women masturbating is wierd. So the more women in media admitting to it, the more it is normalized in our culture, which is a good thing for the female orgasm.

 However, as you will see, Beth is later depicted in this movie as a super sex freak. So, in a way, all the good aspects of this scene eventually get erased. The men in the movie (including the pure, nice-guy Andy - even if he doesn't do it much) all admit to masturbating. However, only Beth does for the women. Andy's eventual love interest is not associated with masturbation at all. So, in a way, instead of normalizing female masturbation, I think at least partially this movie makes lady-bation come off as a freaky-deaky-wierd-lady thing instead of a normal-lady-you'd-actually-date sort of thing...and I think the next scene supports that perspective further.

The Bathing Masturbating Weirdo
Background
Andy falls in love with Trish (the one who used to date jerks like a dumb bitch, but finally learned that nice guys are where it's at with Andy!), but because of insecurities related to his virginity (which Trish doesn't know about yet) they have a fight. Andy gets drunk at a bar with his friends, and decides they are right about him needing to have meaningless one-night-stand sex  with a throw-away for his first time. Anyway, he sees Beth again. They decide to go home and do the nasty.

How We Know Beth's A Freak
They are in her bedroom. They both seem a little drunk, but not super drunk, and he is super awkward but pretending to be really into it. He says they should do it, and she's like, yes! Then she speaks kinda sexy-cryptic, and he only somewhat understands what's happening. They don't do anything physical with each other, but during this time, I think it's safe to say we are supposed to get the impression she's freaky. She shows this in 5 ways.

1 She mentions that they could do it in the butt, (but he doesn't get it).
2 She gets all excited and says he's 'kinky' after he takes off his shirt and reveals a botched, patchy chest wax job that his friends made him try. She says they should shave each other, and they go into the bathroom where she draws a bubble bath.
3 She takes of his belt and gives him a little whip on his still pants-wearing behind. He reacts like it hurt (which to be fair, if we're talking about not being rapey - she probably should have taken his cue that he was starting to not be into this anymore and stopped, but she doesn't)
4 She kisses him (this is their only physical contact), and when she leaves the kiss, she pulls on his lower lip hard.

5 Now this is the big one. She gets in the tub and masturbates with the shower head. I know, crazy right? Seriously though, he really seems freaked out. Let me set the scene.

How The Masturbating Goes Down
As she's leaving the kiss, the following exchange happens. During this whole time, Andy becomes more disinterested because it seems like he knows he doesn't want to be here doing this.

Beth: I want to please you. What do you like?
Andy: I don't..I don't  know. What do you like?
Beth: Can I show you what I like?
Andy: Ok (pretty disinterested)

Beth gets in the fully filled tub and picks up the silver shower head.

Beth: I want to  introduce you to my friend.
Andy: Your friend is so shiny (nervous and like a child)
Beth: This guy knows exactly what I like.

She turns it on (let me quickly say, the water pressure does not seem up to the task if you ask me) and puts it under the bubbly water and between her legs.

Andy: Where's your friend going? (kinda freaked out like a scared kid)

For some reason, Andy seems not just disinterested, child-like, and sad that he's in a position of cheating on Trisha, a woman he loves. He also seems like what she is doing is totally perplexing and fucked up. He's appalled at what he's watching.

Beth: This is how I'm gonna warm up for you.
Andy: (completely perplexed) That's always good to warm up.. You don't want to pull something.

She leans back, closes her eyes, and starts breathing like it feels real good. She seems to set the shower head in place and has her hands free to kinda swoosh water around as she's still lying back eyes closed. It cuts back to him, sad, perplexed, and a little terrified still, then back to her. It's closer on her face, and she kinda lets out some squeaky moans. Her eyes kinda flutter, and it seems she is either getting really excited or may even be heading to orgasm, and then cuts back to him, even more horrified.

Andy: pheww. Wow, this is graphic.

It cuts back to her and she is still laid back, focused on her pleasure, but giggling like she had just come and is going for more. When it cuts back to him, he's over this shit and decided to turn and leave, but when he heads to the bathrooms door, he runs into his 3 friends watching. He's surprised (obviously) and asks them why they're there. They say they were worried about him doing this so they came to stop it. (See! The've learned their lesson and realized love is more important than meaningless sex!). He asks how they got in.

Jay: I hit it like 8 months back. I never gave her key back. Man, you have no idea where this is going. That girl is s freak.

From the bathroom, we hear her orgasm again.

Andy: (freaked the fuck out) Oh you think? Look you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know where I am. All I know is that woman scares the shit outta me, and I just wanna go home.

So, he leaves with Jay and David, but Cal, who was clearly WAY into the show from jump, stays back and as the others file out, he gently steps into the bathroom, looks towards the tub (we can't see the tub, though), and says, "hey" with a little wave. She giggles, and he starts taking off his shirt before it cuts.

So, Here Is What We Learned:

• If a woman asks to show you what she likes sexually, say no. If you say ok, she might actually show you how she gets off by actually masturbating, and there is nothing more appalling and horrifying than seeing a woman bring herself to orgasm.
• Bitches that would masturbate right in front of you are Freaky. As. Hell....terrifyingly so.
• If you are into freaky bitches like Cal (Cal has previously shown himself to be into freaky shit), just show up and start doing sex things with any ol' freak. If she freely went into 1 freaky sexual situation, she will certainly be up for any other freaky sexual situation that might arise...like a completely random stranger climbing into the bath with you after the person you chose to have sex with randomly disappears.

The Analysis
But for real, that scene was ridiculous to me. Could Apatow, Carell, and the rest of the writing crew not think of anything more radical for her to do other than to masturbate with a shower head - or is that the freakiest and most humorous thing they could possibly think of? Seriously, why did the men writing this think that was such a wierd thing to do? What does that say about them and about our sexual culture. It's actually like the most awesome thing a woman could do - to show you how she gets off. Come on, people.

Anyway, in an SSL Review sort of way, we couldn't actually see what she was doing with the shower head once it went under the bubbles. At one time she was using it hands free, and it's possible a viewer might think there was something about sticking the thing up her vagina, but she never made any movement that looked like that to me, and she never seemed to be moving anything in or out. I think the assumption for most (and I hope the movie-maker intention) was that it was spraying against her vulva/clit area - giving it stimulation similar to a vibrator. That is a way women have admitted to masturbating - especially, quite classically, as a first intro to masturbation when they were young. Anyway, the idea that water stimulation against the vulva could cause orgasm is sensible, so no qualms there. My only qualm with this scene is how negatively the other characters reacted to it.


He Gets Un-Virgined!

The Scene Begins
So, it's Andy and Trish's wedding night, and they're about to do the deed. He's on top of her totally missionary, mostly under covers. It's a bust shot from the side. He puts it in.

Weirdly though, she looks him in the eyes questioningly, and he says, "yes," and she says kinda happily and surprised, "yeah?" It was like he had to tell her it was in?? I don't know - just seemed wierd so I wrote about it.  Anyway, there's really no hip movement that I can tell, but it's a super short scene. They kiss, and then she stops and says, "Whoa, you're officially not a virgin." To which he says, "Cool." They kiss again for a sec. It fades out and says:

"1 minute later."
It cuts back, and they are now laying face up next to each other. He's all starry eyed, and says "wow." She has one hand behind her head, looking kinda like, 'well, what's next?' She lets a little phhhh through her lips, and says, "Wanna do it again?" He says, "Yeah," and she says, "Good....yeah. That was good. That was okay," (meaning it wasn't really good, but she's a nice, encouraging person) as he gets back on top of her missionary style. He says, "Ready? Are you ready?" She says "Yes" with a laugh. They start to kiss, and it fades out. It says:

"2 hours later"
When it cuts back, they are laying next to each other just like before but she looks like shit - like she's flattened into the bed, drained, and dehydrated, desperate looking even. He has a far off look in his eyes, but doesn't look bad or dehydrated or anything. He looks good. She's breathing like she's tired and maybe dying and can barely keep her eyes open, and she speaks with very little energy, "So how was that for you?" He has plenty of energy and begins to sing, "When the moon is in the 7th house..."

Dancing Sequence
It cuts to a dancing sequence with the whole cast  then back to them lying next to each other in bed. She is singing with barely enough energy to mouth the words, still looking like death. She wipes her face and momentarily covers her eyes. He still looks energetic. In the dance sequence she is vibrant and in a white dress, though.

It cuts back to them in the final scene. She is still all sweaty and terrible looking but we can't see her face much anymore. They are now facing each other lying in bed and gently kissing each other. She is moving, so clearly she's slightly more energetic. He vibrantly turns toward the camera above him and sings the final words of the song, "Aquarius" as she buries her head into his neck with arms wrapped around him caressing his back gently. They sorta move into what might become more sex, and it cuts to the dance sequence again for credits.

How Realistic Is This Scenes?
Okay - so this scene also is not technically SSL Reviewable because we don't actually see an orgasm or masturbation, but I think it's related enough to talk about. So first off, there's the old joke that it's his first time and he comes in merely a minute and that's totally not pleasing for the lady. Hilarious, right? She clearly wasn't satisfied, and wants more - that's why she asks if he wants to go again. I'm reaching a bit for this SSL assessment, but I think the insinuation is pretty clearly that what she needs from him is more intercourse time. I mean a man's staying power during intercourse has long been associated with a woman's orgasm, so it makes sense the movie makers would make the joke that his excitement of the first time leaves him coming too quick and her unsatisfied.

Looking at this realistically, I buy that she wasn't satisfied, but it's not because the short intercourse. It's because penises stimulating vaginas do not seem to make lady-gasms. Time isn't the problem, only stimulating the inside of the vagina and not the outer clitoral/vulva area is the problem. If you are stimulating the wrong thing, doing it for 1 minute won't be much more helpful than doing it for 2 hours...but strangely I'm not sure if the movie-makers intended for it to seem like she was satisfied after the 2 hours or not...  

So, what Happened During the 2 Hours?
Now, I don't know what happened during those next 2 hours. Maybe there was some clit stimulation, but I don't think it makes sense to assume that. The whole tone of the movie seems to insinuate to me that he intercoursed her for 2 full hours. This movie kept a hard line for the status quo of sex = intercourse. It was sooo about putting penises into vaginas, and it deemed ladies touching themselves gross, so I can only assume in the world of this movie that when nice, sensible girls like Trish have sex, they do so by intercoursing.

However, I have no idea what Trish being near-death looking was supposed to mean. What was the joke? Did the writers have some sort of misguided porn understanding of what intercourse does to women, and we were to assume Trish was orgasmed out because Andy went so long that she must have just come and come and come till she couldn't even function anymore? Or did the writers not even think much about her orgasm situation and only considered how funny it would be to think about what 40 years of pent-up non-intercoursing would do to the man's first partner. Was that it? Was it that he just used her pussy the hell up with such vigor that she was basically plastered into the bed like a flattened porn cartoon character. I really don't know because I can't really comprehend how Mr. Apatow and his crew might have conceived of a woman's experience in this situation.

As she was lying there half dead, Trish asked Andy how it was for him, but he didn't reciprocate. All in all I guess whatever this scene was intended to insinuate about women's orgasms is not exactly awesome. Either the constant ramming in her vagina made her come like a porn star on overtime or her orgasm and pleasure were an irrelevant part of this scene, focusing instead on showing that the bodily-harming endurance of too much intercourse portrays her as a loving partner, allowing Andy to get to an "Age of Aquarius" euphoria. Both are kinda gross options and neither a great addition to the culture of authentic, female orgasm.

The Vuvla Rating
The 40 Year Old Virgin is funny, but it's not getting a good SSL Review. It heavily equates penis in vagina intercourse as 'sex,' making other ways of engaging in sexual activity with a partner (ways that might actually stimulate the clitoris) either invisible, lesser, or just plain wierd. In fact when a woman did one of the most orgasm-equality, progressive things a woman could do, showing her future partner what she liked sexually by masturbating, she and the act were portrayed as fucking crazy. Her craziness that involved non intercourse, unattached sexual activity was contrasted against the main female love interest (the 'one' for our hero) who's sex interests only seemed to involve traditional intercourse. Trish is sexual but sane because she's not into kinky shit. Beth is sexual and crazy because she is into kinky shit and from Andy's reaction, the kinkiest shit she did was bring herself to orgasm. That's some anti-lady-gasm bullshit, my friends.

Also, all the rapey find-a girl-to-fuck-who's-barely-conscious-'cause-it'll-be-easy shit makes me less charitable with my vulva rating. I really wonder how that would fly if that came out now, ten years later. I feel like it would be called out. I hope so. I feel like there has been a small but mighty shift in consciousness with that. I feel pretty certain all the gay jokes in there that flew back then would not be in there if it were made today. I do think the sentiment around those kinds of gay jokes has definitely evolved to be distasteful in movies now. Let's hope the same is true of endorsing rape in a movie also.

This gets 0 vulvas because I think it's actually backward in terms of what it adds to the conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality (and sadly, I think that was even true 10 years ago when it was released also).

Love Season 1: The SSL Review

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There is a new Netflix original series out now. It's called Love and I am going to SSL Review this bitch. For those not in the know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of  depictions and discussion of female orgasm and female masturbation focusing on the realism (like, would that movement realistically cause an orgasm?) and what these depictions and discussions add to the larger cultural discussion and understanding of lady-gasms. It's rated on a 0 to 5 vulva rating (although I did give hysteria a -1 vulva rating once in my earlier more negative days). You can see all the SSL movie reviews HERE.

Love was created by Judd Apatow, Paul Rust, and Leslie Arfin. Paul Rust gets writing credit and also stars as Gus in it. Leslie also gets writing credit. Judd Apatow gets writing credit too, and you might know him as writer/director of things like Freaks and Geeks (which I've never seen but I know people love), 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up (both of which I've been meaning to SSL Review...and unfortunately I'm pretty sure they would get lower vuvla ratings), and director of Amy Schumer's Trainwreck (which got a sparkling 5 vulva rating). So, Apatow has been in the very sexual romantic comedy business for years. His work is well loved and popular, and he's influential in the business.

I guess to me that makes it all the more important to critique the stuff he puts out in relation to female orgasm. Things that are funny are influential. They could change ideas on this topic because 'funny' has a way of sneakily infiltrating past our bias and walls. On the other hand, 'funny' can also just strongly and like-ably reinforce old bullshit ideas.

Sadly, the SSL review for Love will be on the low end of the spectrum. I'm not doing this just to dog on him or anyone else. Honestly a low vulva rating doesn't mean something is intentionally or unusually bad. More often than not it just means it's status quo. It's just that status quo lady-gasm knowledge is generally heavily skewed at best and incomprehensibly wrong at worst. It revolves around penetration of the vagina, but (and I know this seems crazy given the way lady-gasms are largely spoken about and depicted) there has never been an orgasm caused through stimulation inside the vagina ever recorded or observed in scientific literature. I am not lying about this, and it's not like there were no experiments out there that could have shown this. There have been. There are no known g-spot, inner clitoral (stimulated through the vaginal wall), cervical, or vaginal wall orgasms on the books. There just isn't. There's a shit ton of orgasms caused through stimulation of the outer vulva/clit area on the books though.

This very strange disconnect between what is scientifically understood about female orgasm, and what people hear and see about the female orgasm in our media, from our friends, and even from scientists themselves talking freely, is large, and it both reflects and fuels a large cultural misunderstanding about females and sexuality. (Want more overview of these ideas? go HERE. Want to see how even BBC Science gets this shit way wrong? go HERE. Want to see a weird-ass, heavily researched movie about his? Go HERE).

I doubt ol' Judd nor any of the other writers and directors I SSL Review will ever read this, but I'd like to think that if they did they would understand that I am only critiquing out of love. I can't blame anyone for depicting lady-gasm in ridiculous ways because everyone does it. It's what people know. I hope, though, that my critiques might be ones they had never heard before, and maybe they could possibly see things from a different perspective...and then maybe, if my wildest dreams come true, they would consider the things in this SSL Review next time they are creating ladygasm stuff. It's just a hope, because like I said, people like Judd Apatow who are influential and funny could do more for opening eyes to orgasm equality in one line than I have done in my whole life.

THE SSL REVIEW

Now remember I'm not, like, reviewing this show. I'm reviewing only scenes where female orgasm or masturbation were depicted or discussed. That means just a sex scene with no orgasm doesn't technically count...unless I feel like it's important for some reason. I might need to pull on the show as a whole to get context, but I'll try to keep this simple and try not to give anything important away if you haven't seen it. I will go over all the SSL Reviewable scenes and then I'll give the overview and the coveted...Vulva Rating.

Cross-Cut Sex Intro Scene (Episode 1)
At the beginning of the first episode, both Gus (the main male character) and Mickey (the main female character) are having sex with their significant others. It sorta cuts back and forth between them.

Mickey's Table Bang
Mickey is bent over a table getting fucked really hard from behind. Her hands are sprawled out in front of her and his are on her hips. Nothing is touching her clit area. She is screaming things like, "Yes! Yes!," and responding with, "Yes you are!" to something he says that I can't discern (I am a warrior???)

Anyway, she seems to be coming in a classic, aggressively vocal, kinda pornish way. It seems to me that it's a scene meant to show how sexual and wild she is, and basically she's depicted as coming from just straight up banging. His dick up her junk from behind, going in and out is making her cum like a crazy woman. It's that. damn. good.

So, this is a common depiction, but it's so very unlikely that a woman could orgasm without anything touching her clitoral/vulva area. Even in the most uncontroversial of statistics only 15 - 30% of women even claim that this happens to them ever, but on top of that it's never been observed in scientific literature and it's not crazy to wonder whether our mushy language and the pressure and misinformation heaped upon women might cause some of those 15-30% say they orgasm this way when they physically do not. So if this type of orgasm happens at all, it's likely even a lower % than even that. Yet still, for some reason, this is like the #1 way we see women orgasm on the screen.

Gus's Missionary
Gus is fucking his girlfriend missionary in bed. The covers are up to their waists, and his body is leaned down close to hers, so in all reality, there could be some clit/vulva against his pelvis touching that's going on during the penetration, but it's not particularly grindy, and her body doesn't seem to be particularly engaged in a way that would indicate she's grinding up on him or holding his pelvis close to hers so she gets that stimulation. It's not really in-out bangy either. It looks really comfy and normal - which I think is what they mean it to look like. Then he asks her a sweet relationship thing to which she agrees and they both get a little more aggressive and urgent. However, there is no clear cum at the end of that. It's more like both of them are getting really close, but it cuts before it actually happens. So, if I want to be real technical, it wasn't even an orgasm, so I can't SSL review it...but it is so close to one, I at least want to mention it.

Like I said, she could be getting outer clitoral stimulation in this position, so I'm not going to say this is unrealistic, but I will say that it is just another scene that has a dude fucking a girl until she comes (at least we assume she finishes). It's not helping the problem,

To be fair, ladies can get a hands free orgasm during penetration - by grinding that clit during it - which this gal might be doing, but the truth is, it isn't something one should expect to just happen simply because two people are fucking and all those parts are in close proximity to each other (if it were that easy the 70-85% of women who say they don't orgasm hands free during intercourse would have probably stumbled across this lucky meshing of parts during at least a few of the hundreds of times they've fucked in their lifetime). I think it's safe to expect that some type of concerted effort from her and cooperation from him is needed for her to really get the clit stimulation she needs, and that their mutual involvement with and acknowledgement of her clit would be at least a little apparent in a realistic scene. But maybe that's me being picky. She did get all concentrate-y in her face and seemed to sorta counter buck with him once she got more excited, and I do appreciate that she wasn't just laying there making orgasm sounds, but in the end it just looked like she got more aroused when he said what he said to her, but was still just a gal getting a good status quo dicking into lady-gasmville.

The Mickey and Dude's Mom Scene
This is a little after the the crosscutting. It's a different sexual event all together, but it's still Mickey with the same guy. They're on the bed missionary. She is on her back and he is propped up on his arms, pretty fully outstretched so he's up at a pretty good angle. There is a clear rocking of her body in the direction one's body would go if a dick's getting rammed in and out of it. There is also a quick shot of of him from behind and so we see his naked ass moving above her. It's a true in and out situation, and from both that angle and the one of their upper bodies, it doesn't look at all like his pelvis is close to hers - he's too upright. She's also not seeming to be moving her body up against him. She very much looks like his movements are jarring her around as opposed to her doing any significant moving. Also, her hands are definitely on his back not her own clit. So, my point is, this is another scene of a gal getting balled into orgasm. But, technically she doesn't orgasm.

Dude: "Oh shit"
Mickey: "What? What's wrong?"
Dude: "We just gotta go quicker"
Mickey "Why?, what the fuck?" (Her face and body language completely changes to not aroused at all here, but the dude  is still fucking her exactly the same, but a little faster)Dude: "My mom's here."
Mickey: "What the fuck? Why's your mom here?"
Dude: "Just go quicker. Come with me, come with me" "
Mickey: "No, I can't just do that."
Dude: "Ahhhh, ahhhh" (that's him coming)

Clearly she doesn't come here, but she talks about it, and the insinuation is that if he wasn't trying to rush her so he can go out and meet his mom, then she would have come....from him banging her in her vagina with no clit stimulation.

Masturbation Talk! (Episode 3)
She's watching an exercise video with her roommate. It has a lot of muscly guys in it. The roommate says it looks like a good one  and maybe they could do it, and Mickey says something like, "No, but I'll masturbate to it later."  You know I can't be mad at that. Anytime a woman talks about masturbating, and it's not ridiculed, I give big props. The more normal masturbation seems for women, the better!

Mickey Quicky
Mickey is having sex with a dude for the first time. He is standing. She is face to face with him, her legs (at least 1 leg) around his waist. He seems to be supporting her weight. She's on the dick, and her body is moving sorta up and down on it. The have the following convo.

Dude: "Say something about my dick"
Mickey: "Your dick feels so good. Yes." (Breathy)Dude: "It does right? It does feel good, right"

She sorta pushes them forward so they fall onto the bed behind him still with the stuff inside the stuff. He's on his back, and she's straddling him leaned completely forward. There's sort of animosity talk between them while she is, well, fucking him. Since she's leaned forward, and we can't see much past the waist, it seems like she could be rubbing her vulva forward and back continuously against his body while it's going in and out, if ya know what I mean. Then, though, she starts to get towards orgasm, and instead of moving along his body, she starts bouncing up and down more excitedly until she comes. It's in a way that she's sitting more up, and her clit area would likely lose contact with his pelvis. Then he says.

Dude: "You came."
Mickey: "yeah"
Dude: "Well, I haven't yet, so..."
Mickey: "fine"

She does the exact same movements she was doing when she came, and it got him off in a few seconds. I'll give this some leeway because she was on top, controlling the movement and at first she looked like she could be getting some stim on that clit, so those are all good.  I was sad , though, when she went into the classic bouncy up-down thing where it seems to be all about the dick stimulating the inside of the vagina.

That she came, and he didn't was a plus though because, honestly, when it comes to intercourse the motions that get a woman off might not be as great for a man and certainly vice versa, so simultaneous orgasm isn't as common a thing as it seems in the ol' movies. All in all though it ended up being another scene where a woman takes the dick train to orgasm. The whole thing was kinda realistic, but to me it was like if a dude was pumpin' in a lady and getting close to coming, but then when he got real close, he pulled far out and just wiggled his hips so the tip of his dick dragged back and forth across her stomach. If he came that way, I mean...I guess?...but it's weird, right? We can see that weirdness when it comes to how men would likely orgasm, but we just don't have the cultural tools yet to see that same kind of weirdness when it comes to how women orgasm in media.

Vibe Masturbating (Episode 5)
Mickey's masturbating because she's bored and trying not to drink, so after a montage of her trying to get into doing all kinds of other things around the house, we see her laying on her bed. She's on her back, with overalls and she has one hand in there. There is a buzz sound, and there's a cord coming out. It's clearly her using a vibrator on her outer vulva area, so it's realistic and I do so love it. In the end she doesn't finish because she's just too distracted to focus on anything (her cat licking itself particularly distracted her) but again, I love anything with a lady masturbating. Bravo.

Why All the Vibrator Hate? (Episode 7)
Mickey's straddling Gus on the chair, and she's really moving those hips. I'd almost say she could be grinding, but her body's not pressed particularly close to him. Then she asks him to wait a minute and says, "ow." He asks if she's okay, and she says she's cool, just a little sore from earlier (they also had sex earlier in the day  - strictly penetration of course)), then asks if they can move to the bed.

So it cuts, and they are laying on their sides facing each other (fun note: the sheet is pressed down in between them very neatly so, I assume, the two actors are not actually touching bodies). Then she says, "Would you mind if I use my vibrator?"

He is taken aback and kinda stutters out, "Oh,...no, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead." So she gets a big ol' Magic Wand style vibrator with a cord out of her nightstand drawer, plugs it in, and gets back into bed. She turns it on and places it in the vulva area and then turns toward him for more kissing. Then she starts turning away and getting pretty close to orgasming with the ol' vibrator. At some point as she was turning, he must have stuck it in because he seems to be doing her from behind. He says to her, "Is this okay?" and she says, "Yeah," and then she starts to orgasm.

As she does this, poor ol' Gus gets all forlorn looking. He kinda stops fucking her as she's coming and just sorta looks around like he's so darn sad this is happening. And it is a travesty, isn't it? I mean when a girl chooses not to come from your dick banging inside her, it's probably because she doesn't like you anymore, and you're not good at sex, right?

Love, annoyingly show poor, poor Gus lose his lover to a vibrator :(

This scene is so annoying to me. I hope this isn't true, but it really seems like the use of the vibrator is meant to show that she just isn't that into him anymore, and that's some bullshit. Women need clit stimulation to come. Period. Him being all weird when she asks is some bullshit too. I mean he didn't say no or anything, but it was clear that he was really surprised and not in a good way - more in a let down way, like when you find out you didn't get a job kind of way. And then the show sorta supported his reaction, because as she's coming it goes to a dramatic close-up of his face all sad and let down and shit, and then it cuts to some melancholy indie rock credits music.

It's like we're all supposed to feel the disconnect this damn vibrator has brought on. Now, maybe its the turning away we're supposed to focus on, but honestly, have you ever tried to work one of those big-ass magic wands between you and a dude trying to fuck you? That is some cumbersome stuff, Turning away was a good option. He's getting some sweet tang encompassing his junk, and she's getting hard core vibe. Everyone should be happy.

I get that the awkwardness and complications that happened in their relationship just before this sex does play into this scene, but even if the intention to mock the use of a vibrator was not there, it happened anyway because we see the use of vibrators or hands on women's clits so rarely that when they are used, the connotation is impactful, and the connotation here was that it separated them and saddened him.

Witch Sex (Episode 8)
Gus is having sex with a woman, who I guess we're all supposed to see a little fake and a little stupid, but super cute. It's a quick scene, and he's on his back on the bed. She's riding him cowgirl style, torso straight up and down.  No hands, vibrators or pelvises ('cause her body is so upright) are touching anywhere near her clit area, and she is saying wierd kinda creepy stuff that she means to be sexy.

She's rolling her hips super sexy on his dick, but he looks a little freaked out. Her voice and the way she changes it when she talks to him seems like she's super faking the sexy, but she is clearly way into the whole thing. Like, she's totally all in. Right before it cuts, she leans her head back and starts to orgasm.

To me, it feels like a scene meant to show a fake woman in bed, and my assumption is that she was meant to seem like she was faking an orgasm. However, I also think it could be seen as a crazy bitch being crazy and coming from the crazy shit she does. I just don't know if the orgasm part would consciously register as fake to everyone.  I think it's still a scene in which a woman (crazy or fake as she may be) rides a dick to orgasm.

Conclusion
Love, in the end, was a show that heavily reinforced all the misconception about female orgasm and stagnant status quo ideas of sex that I would like to break through. The sex in this show was always intercourse. There was no oral or handies or dry humping, and all the women seemed to be fine and completely orgasmic with just the ol' in and out. I will give it props for showing a lady who likes masturbation and depicting the masturbation in a realistic way (no-one was doing it by ramming a dildo up their junk :), but when masturbation was brought into a couple situation, it was not looked upon kindly. So to me this show continues the long-standing tradition of equating sex with intercourse, of assuming women just come when dudes fuck them with their penises, and my very favorite tradition of all - stigmatizing the inclusion of clitoral stimulation (vibe or hand) during intercourse (even though external clitoral stimulation is literally what women need in order to orgasm).

It's sad because there is so much untapped humor to be had in the realities of female orgasm that could surprise people with hilarious and progressive depictions. Seriously, it's so untapped. Check with Amy Schumer if you want some ideas.

This movie, I'm sad to say gets 1 vuvla (because ladies masturbating always get at least 1).
(!)