Inside Amy Schumer S3 Ep5 - The SSL Review

Inside Amy Schumer Season1 Episode 4
This show makes me laugh, and here's the best part - Amy Schumer tends to bring it when it comes to realism and female sexuality. She brought it in her movie Trainwreck, in The Joe Rogan Podcast, and largely in the other episodes of this show I've SSL Reviewed so far. She has shown a strong willingness to give the clit the glory it deserves, speak some truths about lady sex experiences, rep for actual lady-gasms - all things largely absent in media and also incredibly important to Orgasm Equality. (She could use some schooling and humbling when it comes to speaking about race though).

The SSL Reviewable
There is plenty to SSL Review in this show. And for those that don't yet know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussions or depictions of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I focus on that and really only that (unless I want to talk about something else). I'm looking mainly at realism and about how the depiction/discussion plays in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and women's sexuality. This particular SSL Review will be interesting. I'll just describe the scenes and we can go from there.

Please, my friends, do enjoy more SSL Reviews for MOVIES and TV SHOWS.

A Bakery in Maine!
So here's the scene:These upper-middle class women are in an upper-middle class kitchen talking as friends. They're talking about how awesome their lives are, but then they each 'tell their truth' and then describe a fantasy they have that always ends in them opening a bakery in Maine. It quickly goes off the rails. Below are the 2 SSL pertinent fantasies.

The 1st.
Amy: Even though it's been like 10 years, I just fall like a little more in love with Jeff every day. Just, like, a little more.
They all have ahhh faces and sigh.
Amy: But you know what? When Jeff is, like, violently refusing to go down on me, you know?
They all look around, like, yeah, uh huh, that's normal, and we get it.
Amy: I kinda fantasize about just like snap chatting a picture of my tits to the UPS guy and just opening a bakery in Maine!
The 2nd
Greta Lee: You guys, I'm so blissfully happy. I gave up my career to home college Tim's adult son. It is so rewarding, but sometimes when I'm sharpening his crayons, I have this fantasy bout giving a homeless guy one of those giant jackpot checks and then masturbating furiously in my Rav4 as the bank teller explains that it's fake. Then zipping up I-95 and opening up the cutest bakery in Maine!

Face Sitting is Better
Amy Goes Deep is a segment where Amy sits down and kind of interviews some person - anyone from a comic friend to her waxer, This time it is with Sharleen Joynt from "The Bachelor."
Amy: Do people sneak into his room and, like, blow him?
Sharleen: I think it can be done.
Amy: I'm so lazy. I'd sneak into his room and sit on his face.
My SSL Take 
So, these are largely just jokes that, I assume were pushed to be a bit more shocking by adding the more raunchy stuff in, so there's nothing incredibly deep here, but I would like to mention a couple things about this that I find poignant about the mentions of orgasm, masturbation, etc. here.

  • When Amy talks about her husband 'violently refusing to go down on her' and all the women nod as if it's something they deal with too, I think a statement is being made here, people. That's some social commentary on how common it is for women to deal with men refusing to or simply not really ever giving oral sex (although they feel fine expecting to receive it). This is something women deal with and it hits home, but it in and of itself is too real to be the joke. The joke is how easily the friends accept it, how ridiculously okay with that terrible fate these ladies are, and how aggressive she made out the refusal to be. My point here is that I like that Amy as a comedian sort of had that insight about how that joke could play on the line between too real and  over-the-top to become a solidly funny line that also hit home a bit. I think that's the kind of thing we need more women in comedy for. Ladies can have insight that opens up a treasure trove of too-real sex comedy largely that has yet been untapped by the over-represented men that have been hogging the spotlight of the comic world.
  • Greta lee talking about rubbing off to a mean joke she played on a homeless man is just pure raunch, for joke sake, but I LOVE that masturbation was used for a woman's raunch jokery at all. It's common for men to throw in masturbation related things in comedy to ramp up the shock factor, but it's still often strangely too uncomfortable when women use it. I love women talking about their masturbation in any context because the more we hear that stuff coming out of women's mouths the more normalized masturbation becomes and the better off the fight for orgasm equality.
  • Amy switching a conversation about giving a dude orgasmic pleasure around to her getting orgasmic pleasure instead as a better option, is something that she does often, and something that I couldn't be happier about. That is what we need more of - ladies being unabashed about how they want dudes to manipulate their clits into orgasm and how that is frankly more fun than giving dudes orgasms...because yeah giving is sexy and nice and all that, but getting ate out is still better. 
The Vulva Rating
I think overall this was a really good on the SSL front. There was random mentions of lady-bation to raunch up a joke. There was some subtle social commentary about how dudes not going down enough on their women is a desperately terrible and sad reality. Plus, there was also a situation in which a famous woman specifically reminded everyone that instead of blowing a guy....a better option might be to just sit on his face. This isn't a perfect SSL Review because it wasn't SUPER progressive, but it was fab. I give it 4 1/2 vulvas.



Those Ladies Putting On Bravado About Their Orgasms - A Free Flow Writing

I'm currently in between right now. I'm moved out of my fave Midwest city and won't be moved into the next Midwest city until Friday. I'm living out of an empty apartment save for 3 cats and an air mattress. So, I'm eating breakfast at Panera (my personal opinion is that the bacon egg and cheese on brioche is much nicer with an over easy egg as opposed to a scramble btw) and writing a quick blog before I go do a bunch of things one has to do in these situations.

I was gonna write a quick SSL Review of one of the many TV shows I have noted to write SSL Reviews about. Amy Schumer, Broad City, Chewing Gum, Mind Hunter, Orange is the New Black, The Americans, Girls, Workoholics, SNL, even Bob's Burgers all have SSL moments in one episode or another that I'm behind in writing about. An SSL Review sounded boring to me right now though.

So, then I vaguely looked at Twitter for a hot second, thinking that the perfect, quick n' easy topic would pop up, but it didn't and I got bored again. So then I decided to just free-flow write something.

And that is what I'm currently doing. I'm gonna experiment a bit with this post. I'm going to go over it quickly when I'm done to make sure it's readable, but I'm pretty much just gonna write what comes to my head about ladies and orgasm or any of this stuff. I'll see what happens. It'll be probably somewhere between kinda cool and really boring/convoluted. Let's hope for the best.

Orgasms are hard, my ladies. Clearly, I don't mean they are biologically problematic or fickle for females in a way they are not for males. My whole movie/blog/activism is based in pointing out that they are not, that females are biologically as capable of having orgasm as quickly, reliably, and easily as men. What I'm talking about is all the other shit in life that makes it harder for ladies to orgasm.

I guess I just want to say that if you are reading my posts, and you think I have my orgasm all figured out easy-like, then rest assured, I don't. I still have trouble prioritizing my sexual desire and needs over another person. I still have ideas in my head about what's sexy and what's not and the "sexy" stuff is often stuff that is not giving me the physical stimulation I need for orgasm and sometimes even arousal at all...and I still worry that if I don't focus on the sexy stuff that my partner will have a worse time, or that if I focus on the stuff that intrinsically feels right to my lady parts and my desires that my partner will find it less sexy. I feel like this even when there isn't evidence from my partner to make me think this way right now, and even though I logically know that's a bunch of BS. The images and ideas that shape us as we grow stick deep in us. We have a lot of shit baggage, my ladies.

I also want to say that the place I am with my own orgasm came through a lot of experimentation, self-honesty, and communication work. It was all hard. Experimentations fail often, self honesty is a journey, and clear, genuine communication is hard and needs tended regularly. Orgasm, arousal, and desire is a touchy subject - for both you and your partner(s). I feel like I was pretty lucky in all this too, and it was still hard. I have had a good orgasmic relationship to masturbation since I was a little girl, I have a partner that is kind and willing to let me be honest and experiment, and I have been able to spend a lot of time and energy thinking and investigating female orgasm.

and don't let her tell you she does

So, if you feel frustrated about your orgasm, know that every other woman you know feels that way to some degree as well. Know that we are all struggling with it in some way, even the ones that tell you they orgasm easily and have always just been lucky to have great partners. No - especially those women who put out a bravado about their orgasm abilities. I would put a lot of money down on these women being some of the least self-honest about their orgasms. I'm not saying that in a negative way, for real. I'm not shitting on women who are overly positive about their orgasms. I mean their presence in a group of women can often shut down really vulnerable, honest discussion about orgasm, but it's not intentional, and it's not any worse than all the other things in the world that shut down that type of talk. It's just not necessarily helpful, and I can't blame anyone for that.

What I am saying, though, is that maybe instead of seeing these women as the ideal of lady-sexuality, or as the thing you feel like you, like all women, should be but are not, instead of that, it's probably more realistic to view them as women dealing with the shit situation for lady-gasms in a completely different way than you. Maybe they are just really positive people who instinctively make the best out of situations and also see themselves as very sexual. So, maybe instead of worrying about why they don't experience orgasm from getting banged, they just tell themselves that since sexual women are supposed to come while getting banged, then they must be coming. They do feel something intense, and we can all convince ourselves of a lot of things - especially when the world around us is already trying its hardest to beat that into our heads anyway.

So, I believe that we women sometimes convince ourselves that our relationship to orgasm is more positive than it is, and some of us at certain times do that strongly. Be kind and understanding of those who do that, but don't fall for it. We are all struggling, and the more we recognize that, the better it gets in the long run.


Cake (2005) - The SSL Review

Just to be clear, this is not the 2014 drama Cake with Jennifer Aniston that got some good critical review. This is the 2005 romantic comedy Cake with Heather Graham and Taye Diggs. It's about as standard a romantic comedy as you can get, but it has Taye Diggs in it, and he's hot as fuck. So, if you like a romantic comedy, this is a solid Netflix choice. Also...this movie poster. I mean, really check it out.

I'm not here to give you recommendations, though. I'm here because there was one tiny mention of lady-gasm, which means it's SSL Reviewable.

Here's a quick summary of an SSL Review for newbies. An SSL Review is a critique of depictions or discussions of female masturbation, female orgasm, or the clit. I only review those scenes - not the movie as a whole (unless I feel like talking about more), and I focus mostly on the realism of the depiction/discussion and also how it fits into a larger cultural discussion of female orgasm and sexuality.

Check all the SSL Review movies HERE and TV SSL Reviews HERE.

The Scene
Pippa (Heather Graham) is interviewing Hemingway (Taye Diggs) for a photographer job at a magazine she has ended up running called Wedding Bells. She asks why he would want the job anyway, and he tells her he needs the job, and then asks her why she's there. She says it's temporary. So, then he's all like, 'You're not a wedding gal?' And she's all like, 'I'm not a wedding anything.' Then they quip back with love themed song lyrics, and then he says, "You're right. It's total cheese." To which she comes back with, "I mean forget the ring. I'll take a multiple orgasm any day." And an amused Hemingway, says "Amen."

The SSL Review
I mean, this is gonna be fairly quick as SSL Reviews go. It's merely a mention of lady-gasm with no real lead in or follow-up to it, but I think there's something worthwhile I'd like to say about it:

Pippa says multiple orgasm not just orgasm. I mean, I guess it's to make it sound like a particularly desirable thing over an engagement ring. However, you know me, I think we as a culture play up the whole multiple orgasm thing for women a little too much. Like, it's just a bit longer of an orgasm...or a couple orgasms in a shorter period of time than a guy can generally have a couple orgasms (but, dudes can have multiple orgasm as well, they just usually don't probably because they tend to ejaculate during their orgasms - HERE's a study with a guy that has one). Anyway, it's not necessarily some mind-blowing difference between orgasm and multiple orgasm, and my point is, mentions of multiple orgasm as some awesome thing women get always makes me bristle a bit.

Not that I'm against a multiple orgasm, 'cause I certainly am not. It's just that there's this cultural idea of multiple orgasms as the amazing thing women can have that makes them scream and moan and orgasm continuously through an entire sex like we so often see in porn or read about in romance novels but the truth is those are not multiple orgasms. Those are just fake orgasms. So, I guess I just feel like whenever a women alludes to the awesomeness of multiple orgasms, that it will bring to mind the cultural lies of perma-gasming while a dude rams his dick up the vagina, and I don't like perpetuating that because it's a bunch of BS

Anyway, that's really in the weeds (that's some of my corporate-slang coming out), but that's what I do. I nitpick our cultural treatment of lady-gasms.

Vulva Rating
I'm not sure how to rate this, because, even though I had things to say about it, it's a pretty neutral line. I'll just go down the middle - 3 out of 5 vulvas.


The Holy Mountain SSL Review - A Retro Post

Hey all - I'm in the process of moving to a new city for my job. I'm behind on a lot of shit, and that's why I'm posting late and also posting an oldie (from July 26, 2016). It's fun, I think...and there's wierd pictures to entertain you. Also, don't worry. I'll be staying in the Midwest still - the center of sexual research...and I'm not kidding about the Midwest. Enjoy The Holy Mountain SSL Review.

A couple weeks ago a local art collective called Big Car had a showing of a classic art film, The Holy Mountain. It was created in 1973 by Alejandro Jodorowsky and funded by John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

I'd never seen it before, and I'm always up for seeing an artsy classic movie, so me and Charlie went to check it out. Turns out it included one of the weirdest depiction/discussions of female orgasm I've yet seen in a movie. That, as you know, means I simply must SSL Review it...that special type of review where I specifically critique only discussion/depictions of lady-gasm and/or lady-bation. I look for realism and also what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to our cultural understanding of female orgasm and female sexuality. (See all the SSL Movie Reviews HERE, and TV SSL Reviews HERE)

What is this movie exactly?
Like I said, this was an odd scene, but what can one expect. This movie is a full on 70's artsy-ass film...kinda like a shorter, slightly more comprehensible Cremaster Cycle (Those of you who have given 9 hours of your precious life to watch that Cremaster Cycle know what I mean, right??)  So, I'm not gonna explain The Holy Mountain to you, and probably couldn't anyway, but I will but a series of pictures from the movie up, so you can get a feel for it.

So, as you can see there is a lot of stuff, and symbolism, and nudity, and also tiger head tits shooting milk out on a dude's head. I actually have to say that this movie was of a normal movie length and it was actually fairly entertaining - it never made me want to scratch my eyes out with boredom, and that's pretty damn good for this type of movie in my opinion. So, if you like watching artsy, wierd, or crazy-ass movies then definitely get a hold of this one. If you saw those pictures and clearly know it's not a movie for you, then don't get a hold of this. You know you.

The Love Machine
Now, let's get to the SSL Reviewable scene. Again, can't explain how we got to this point, but there is a love machine that one needs to coax into orgasm using an electronic rod. The narrator says as we are introduced to this love machine:
"With this electronic rod, he will rub its mechanical vagina. The skill of a spectator will determine the machine's ability to reach a climax."

One guy (the narrator/other guy in the scene's chauffeur) tries to get it to orgasm by pushing this rod into a kinda hole/slit in this big machine. It's so very much a big-electronic-dick-trying-to-make-a-womanmachine-come-by-ramming-in-its-holes kinda thing. He even positions this giant rod between his legs to really drive the phallic-ness of the rod home. He fails and the narrator goes on:
"My chauffer is a bad lover. He didn't know how to satisfy it, but this woman, I know her techniques very well. We'll produce the electronic orgasm."
The narrator guy gives a women (who for some reason strips naked) the rod, and she easily gets the machine to open and by moving the rod in and out of a hole, gets it to orgasm...and when it does, some brownish sludge comes out the end of the rod...because...I don't know. Then the narrator and woman raise their hands in victory. (Oh do please check the whole scene out below)

Anyway, this is machine orgasm here, not technically woman orgasm, but this certainly is supposed to parallel human sex...it's like super symbolic for dehumanized machine based sex or something like that.

And guess what that sex looked like? A penis going in and out of a vagina.
Guess what made the lady-machine come? A penis moving in and out of her vagina.
Guess what part of the human female anatomy wasn't paralleled in this lady machine? The clitoris.
Guess what part actually needs to be stimulated for a woman to come? Well, it's not the vagina. It's the clitoris.

What does it all mean???
So as is too often the case, the clit is completely shut out of a scene specifically about female orgasm even though it is as crucial to orgasm in females as the penis is in males. Once again, sex is equated with a penis moving in and out of the vagina, and it is depicted as being as orgasmic for women as it is for men. It's a super duper bullshit assumption that is not based in science or reality, but for some reason, we just cannot seem to get past believing it.

So, it just goes to show that in 1973 just as today, people simply and wrongly assume that a penis stimulating the vagina makes women come. Oh - and also just as today we can completely cut the clitoris out of a depiction/discussion of female orgasm and no one seems to bat an eye.

And that my friends is why we still have far to go for Orgasm Equality. Feel free to pass around some #Cliteracy or some Science Sex and the Ladies

What's the vulva rating???
I give this movie a 0 vulva rating. No clit, no vulva.