10.19.2015

Teaching Boys to Masturbate the Unintentional Way!



Just sitting here considering masturbation and the differences between the male and female rubbing-off experience. So, I'm going from the premise that there are more women in America unsure of how to masturbate than there are men. I have no stats on that. It's just a gut feeling, so don't go quoting me about that. Let's just say that's true though and consider why that might be. Here's my thought: during the time we are all growing into sexual people, men have plenty of non-intentional chances for learning that women don't. for instance:

Watching Porn
Males: I mean it's pretty likely it will end with a dude rubbing one out onto any number of female body parts

Females: good luck finding an actual female orgasm at all, much less an actress rubbing her own clit in a way that might elicit one (although I feel that's happening a bit more now - cross my fingers!)


Basic School Sex Ed
Males: boys are able to correctly extrapolate from the only pleasure related thing that is taught (unintentionally of course, but taught none the less) in sex ed. The penis goes into the vagina and ejaculation takes place (it's integral to reproduction so everyone has to learn that). It's safe to assume that encompassing the penis with something and making movements will cause orgasm (since ejaculation is closely associated with male orgasm), which is true for males (yay for them!).

Females: Unfortunately there's simply no basic sex ed discussions of anything associated with female orgasm. I mean the word clitoris probably isn't even uttered. So if we can assume anything at all, it's probably that we should orgasm from intercourse like men do and like women in media seem to always do. The problem is that assuming putting something in the vagina and moving it around will causes orgasm is a bad assumption and ain't gonna help us figure out masturbation.

Movie Masturbation
Male: There's not a ton of masturbation depicted in movies, but we sometimes see men doing it. We don't usually get to see the details like in porn, but I've never seen the discussion about it or the basic arm movement and hand placement be off base for what might cause orgasm. It all leads to the assumption that the dick is encompassed in something and there is movement, which is about right.

Females: Women masturbating is much more rare in movies (again, no stats here, just a gut feeling, but an educated gut feeling because I have pretty much written a detailed SSL Review for every movie I have seen the last 7 years that had female orgasm in it). If you do find it, I feel it seems to be in more indie, artsy, or NC-17 rated movies. So not only are there less of them to happen upon in your teen years, but sometimes they straight up insinuate the wrong thing about it - that it is all about sticking something up the ol' vag and mimicking intercourse.

Diagrams 
Males: I mean, if you are ever to look at the diagram of the male genitals, it's really just the basic penis and balls. Whatever direction we're looking from, the whole stick and berries thing is pretty clear. By about the age of 3, it's clear to anyone who has ever watched television or movies that the balls are only there to be in pain when someone touches them in even the slightest of ways. So, with the balls off the table, so to speak, as things you might want to touch, the only thing left is the penis, and that's a good bet if you want to masturbate. Plus, a boy can look down and see something that looks pretty much like the diagram, so the penis is easy to find.

Females: Diagrams be crazy. First, it seems like lady diagrams are always showing us from the side so all the reproductive shit and none of the important pleasure stuff is in view. If we do get a full frontal view that shit don't look anything like our flippity, flappity junk. It just looks like some ovals inside ovals and a few dots. The clit may or may not be labeled, and frankly, if you're a kid when you see this, you literally may never have even heard the word clit uttered ever in your whole life at that point. Plus, if we look down, we can't see all that, and it's not easily clear where all that stuff in the diagram is supposed to be.

I mean, I know these are all small confusions that can be overcome, and that you don't need to know the names of what you touch in order to start touching them. However, things like not hearing clit much but penis a lot and seeing more male masturbation in our media than female are not just things that make it hard for girls to figure out how to masturbate, they are also indications that we live in a culture that prizes male pleasure and is too often silent about female pleasure. So, when you hear someone say something like, "no-one ever teaches boys to masturbate but the still do. Girls must masturbate less just cause they're less sexual or something," remember that boys actually are taught to orgasm in ways that girls are not.


1 comment:

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