Empire S1 Ep8: The SSL Review

Empire and Me
I started watching Empire. I love a soap opera-esque show, and I'm only about 1/2 in the first season, but I'm for sure into it. Obviously, I love Cookie. I'm sure everyone does. I also love seeing expensive and glittery things, so that's a big ol' check as well. Anyway, it's everything I would want in this kind of TV. And, bonus, there was something I will deem as an SSL Reviewable moment. It's not strictly within the criteria, but I think it touches on something interesting, so I'm posting on it.

SSL Reviews
SSL Reviews are depiction or discussions of female orgasm and/or masturbation and/or the clit. Those are the specific things I review - other discussions or depictions of sex or sexuality not within the above confines are for the most part not of interest to me. In these reviews,  I critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

Season 1 Episode 8: that long tongue 
So, Hakeem, Cookie's youngest son, brings his older girlfriend Camilla to a party. Cookie meets Camilla for the first time and doesn't much like her. The scene goes as follows after Cookie has just burned Camilla.
Camilla: Listen Cookie, don't mess with me. I'm not one of your jailbird mates, okay?
Cookie: (looking her up and down with a smirk) I wish you were. You probably would have made a good bitch for me - look like you've got a long tongue.
Here's the whole scene for your enjoyment:

My Thoughts
Now, firstly, I realize that what Cookie said to Camilla is just a solid clap-back, and should be taken with that in mind. However, a clap-back is really just a type of mean joke, and jokes are actually super insightful ways to get the feel of the cultural understanding of a thing, so basically, I don't care that it's just a clap-back, I think it's worth reviewing fully.

So that brings me to why I'm SSL Reviewing this at all. Let's start with the basics. In case there are a few of you out there that aren't quite following what's being discussed here; Cookie's saying that if Camilla were in jail with her (Cookie just got out after 17 years), that basically Cookie would easily have dominated Camilla and forced her to give Cookie sexual favors. It's a classic, prison related clap-back, but the thing that's interesting about this to me is that Cookie relates the idea of Camilla having a long tongue with the idea that Camilla would be good at giving Cookie sexual favors.

She didn't say 'good tongue' or 'quick tongue' or 'skilled tongue.' She said 'long tongue.' Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of how a person might use their tongue to please me, I think about getting some oral sex. That to me means having the mouth and tongue working my clit area to orgasm. Length don't matter worth shit.

Length would only matter, I think, if one were to think of oral sex as having a tongue imitate intercourse with a penis...pushing the tongue in and out of the vag-hole over and over again. But...tonguing the hole, like intercourse with a penis, does not orgasms make. Like, for serious, stimulation of anything inside the vagina has never been physically proven, in all of peer-reviewed scientific literature, to cause an orgasm. Yet still, stimulating the inside of the vagina is commonly thought of as something that does cause orgasms, even if there is no proof that is true.

So, Cookies use of 'long' makes sense given common cultural understandings of female orgasm. I mean, our culture wrongly insinuates, depicts, and jokes about penises giving ladies orgasms all the time. In fact our culture often takes it as a given that putting dicks in vaginas is a classic way to bring a woman to orgasm even if it absolutely is not. So, it's no surprise that there is belief out there that putting big ol' long, thick tongues in vaginas would give orgasms as well, even though that is kinda ridiculous. I actually posted about a Playboy Advisor question with that assumption HERE. It is definitely a 'thing,' and it's pretty clear to me that Cookie's word choice has all that silly vagina-based orgasm baggage associated.

The Vulva Rating
So, although I love this show, I'm going to have to give it only 1 out of 5 vulvas. Granted, orgasm was never specifically discussed, but I think it's in the context of what Cookie was saying. It's kinda common knowledge that a prison bitch is there to give you orgasms. So, emphasizing your prison bitch's long tongue seems like you're emphasizing the thing about her that would aid in your orgasm (even though there could be a variety of stretches one could make as to other reasons why Cookie was interested in that long tongue...maybe she likes a tongue stuck up her butt when she masturbates, maybe??).

Anyway, all that to say I think that this clap-back, although truly solid, unfortunately reinforces the incorrect assumption that things stimulating the inside of the vagina cause females to orgasm. It took the focus in cunnilingus from the outer, clit area parts where it should be if orgasm is a desired outcome and towards the vagina hole. Granted the vag-hole is commonly and historically the focus in relation to lady-gasms, but it's a misplaced focus arising from our culture's obsession with believing intercourse is just as orgasmic for females as it is for males. It's actually not, though, and I can't abide by jokes and clap-back that help to reinforce that kind of incorrect BS about lady-gasms. Sorry Empire, only 1 out of 5 vulvas. I have faith you'll do better next time.


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