Empire S3 Ep3 - The SSL Review

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Empire S3 Episode 3
I am currently up to date on Season 4 of Empire I'm happy to say, but I as yet neglected to do the SSL Review for the one SSL Reviewable moment in Season 3 (none is season 4 so far btw). It involves Ms. Anika Calhoun and the continuing power struggles between her and Mr. Luscious Lyon. It's a quick and easy SSL Review though, so this will be a fast read.

SSL Reviews
SSL Reviews are depiction or discussions of female orgasm and/or masturbation and/or the clit. Only those specific things are reviewed - other discussions or depictions of sex or sexuality not within the above confines are for the most part not of interest to me. In these reviews,  I critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

The Best Kind of UPS Delivery
To give a bit of a background - Anika and Luscious are previous lovers living in the same house but very much at odds at the moment. Previously, Luscious had been sitting at his desk talking to Anika when suddenly he started to kinda shudder and lose focus in a wierd way, and Anika in a moment of kindness got worried he was having a relapse of a disease he had been dealing with. But no - he was just coming from some random young woman under his desk sucking him off.

Well, now Luscious has come into his office and found Anika sitting at the desk.

Lucious: What are you doing in my office?
She gestures him to shhh, then points to a screen that is ticking up a number
(this relates to plot - promise)
Anika: Almost...A little higher. Yes. Yes! Yes, Lucious! (throwing her head back)Lucious: (a little confused.) You sound more excited than me
(again he's referring to the upticking number situation)
Anika: (happily pushing her chair back from the desk) I am Lucious... oh, I am!
Then she leans down and a UPS dude rises up from under the desk with her hands on his chin as she chuckles
Anika: Don't worry. He was...(lazily and non-convincingly) just looking for my earring
Lucious picks up a gun and the dude runs out as the guy runs out.

The SSL Review
This is an easy one. I always approve of a lady coming from getting ate out. It's stimulation to the outer parts of the vulva, presumably to the clitoral glans area, and by golly, that's exactly where a lady needs stimulation in order to come, just like dudes needing stimulation to their penises. So that's tops on the physical realism scale in my book.

I also like that when she's getting him back for his stunt she hits him back tit for tat. I think in some shows, the woman might hit back by having a dude fuck her under the desk (not sure how that would logistically work, but probably something having to do with movie magic) and coming that way, because for some dumbfuck reason people seem to think that a woman getting a penis inside her vagina is something that would make her come when there's no logical reason to believe that. Anyway, when a penis gets sucked, to me the only opposite female reaction is to get a clit sucked. Both things can cause orgasm and have that cazj, laid-back, power attitude, and Anika was write to get that UPS dude on his knees. Respect.

Vulva Rating
I think this is great orgasm equality content, so I'm gonna go 5 out of 5 vulvas.

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Empire S2 Ep 10 - The SSL Review

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Empire S2 Episode 10
Well, now I'm well into the 2nd season. Still a joy to watch. Obviously, I still love Cookie. Everyone does. You just can't not. Anyway, it's everything I would want in this kind of TV. About halfway through this season, to my great enjoyment, there was an SSL reviewable moment in an episode called "Et Tu, Brute?"

SSL Reviews
SSL Reviews are depiction or discussions of female orgasm and/or masturbation and/or the clit. Those are the specific things I review - other discussions or depictions of sex or sexuality not within the above confines are for the most part not of interest to me. In these reviews,  I critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

Mouth Love in an Elevator
 Let me set this scene for you now. It's at about 32 minutes in.
It starts as a bust shot of a woman (she's a board member of Empire named Edna). She's flat against the the wall of an elevator, looking up slightly with a particular type of smile. She lets out a pleasurable breath, as if she just finished having an orgasm. Within about a second or 2, the camera moves back a bit and Thirsty, an empire Lawyer pops up from below, wiping his mouth with a smile.

Thirsty: oh, that was good, right?

As she's fixing her hair and smoothing her skirt with a smile, Edna breathes out

Edna: yeah
Thirsty: So we got your vote, Edna?
Edna: Honey, it was good, but it wasn't ten-million-dollars good

 She heads over to the buttons to start the elevator casually.

Thirsty and Edna finishing up

My Thoughts

1. Hells yeah to this. Let me ask, thee? How might one give a woman a sexual favor? If you said eat her the fuck out with enthusiasm and a smile, you are correct. This show got that correct. I too often see depictions of men fucking a woman to give her a sexual favor, as if his stupid-ass dick is going to do some magical orgasm shit to her. It won't. I mean dicks are fine. They're even great in their way, but as fun as they may be, dicks in vaginas (or really any vaginal stimulation at all) do not orgasms make. Ladies need their clit stimulated, and frankly, if you're trying to do it in the very mostest way, nothing does it better than using your warm, soft, sucky, mouth. AmIright, my ladies?

2. The realism is on point here. Unless he was trying to stick his tongue in and out of her vagina hole like a dick during intercourse to get her off (sadly some out there have incorrectly assumed oral sex is done that way), then eating a lady out (again, in the proper mouth on clit area method) is definitely a way women can orgasm.

3. Bravo to Edna. She took hers and moved on with her life. She don't owe some dude anything just because he offers up 1 raggedy-ass orgasm. She's not gonna change her vote over that. Ms. Edna couldn't have said it better, "Honey, it was good, but it wasn't ten-million-dollars good." Hallelujah.

The SSL Review
It's realistic. They got it right on sexual favors to women, and Edna is a badass that can separate an orgasm and the other shit in her life. What more is there to say. This gets 5 out of 5 vulvas.

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Empire S1 Ep8: The SSL Review

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Empire and Me
I started watching Empire. I love a soap opera-esque show, and I'm only about 1/2 in the first season, but I'm for sure into it. Obviously, I love Cookie. I'm sure everyone does. I also love seeing expensive and glittery things, so that's a big ol' check as well. Anyway, it's everything I would want in this kind of TV. And, bonus, there was something I will deem as an SSL Reviewable moment. It's not strictly within the criteria, but I think it touches on something interesting, so I'm posting on it.

SSL Reviews
SSL Reviews are depiction or discussions of female orgasm and/or masturbation and/or the clit. Those are the specific things I review - other discussions or depictions of sex or sexuality not within the above confines are for the most part not of interest to me. In these reviews,  I critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

Season 1 Episode 8: that long tongue 
So, Hakeem, Cookie's youngest son, brings his older girlfriend Camilla to a party. Cookie meets Camilla for the first time and doesn't much like her. The scene goes as follows after Cookie has just burned Camilla.

Camilla: Listen Cookie, don't mess with me. I'm not one of your jailbird mates, okay?
Cookie: (looking her up and down with a smirk) I wish you were. You probably would have made a good bitch for me - look like you've got a long tongue.

Here's the whole scene for your enjoyment:



My Thoughts
Now, firstly, I realize that what Cookie said to Camilla is just a solid clap-back, and should be taken with that in mind. However, a clap-back is really just a type of mean joke, and jokes are actually super insightful ways to get the feel of the cultural understanding of a thing, so basically, I don't care that it's just a clap-back, I think it's worth reviewing fully.

So that brings me to why I'm SSL Reviewing this at all. Let's start with the basics. In case there are a few of you out there that aren't quite following what's being discussed here; Cookie's saying that if Camilla were in jail with her (Cookie just got out after 17 years), that basically Cookie would easily have dominated Camilla and forced her to give Cookie sexual favors. It's a classic, prison related clap-back, but the thing that's interesting about this to me is that Cookie relates the idea of Camilla having a long tongue with the idea that Camilla would be good at giving Cookie sexual favors.

She didn't say 'good tongue' or 'quick tongue' or 'skilled tongue.' She said 'long tongue.' Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of how a person might use their tongue to please me, I think about getting some oral sex. That to me means having the mouth and tongue working my clit area to orgasm. Length don't matter worth shit.

Length would only matter, I think, if one were to think of oral sex as having a tongue imitate intercourse with a penis...pushing the tongue in and out of the vag-hole over and over again. But...tonguing the hole, like intercourse with a penis, does not orgasms make. Like, for serious, stimulation of anything inside the vagina has never been physically proven, in all of peer-reviewed scientific literature, to cause an orgasm. Yet still, stimulating the inside of the vagina is commonly thought of as something that does cause orgasms, even if there is no proof that is true.

So, Cookies use of 'long' makes sense given common cultural understandings of female orgasm. I mean, our culture wrongly insinuates, depicts, and jokes about penises giving ladies orgasms all the time. In fact our culture often takes it as a given that putting dicks in vaginas is a classic way to bring a woman to orgasm even if it absolutely is not. So, it's no surprise that there is belief out there that putting big ol' long, thick tongues in vaginas would give orgasms as well, even though that is kinda ridiculous. I actually posted about a Playboy Advisor question with that assumption HERE. It is definitely a 'thing,' and it's pretty clear to me that Cookie's word choice has all that silly vagina-based orgasm baggage associated.

The Vulva Rating
So, although I love this show, I'm going to have to give it only 1 out of 5 vulvas. Granted, orgasm was never specifically discussed, but I think it's in the context of what Cookie was saying. It's kinda common knowledge that a prison bitch is there to give you orgasms. So, emphasizing your prison bitch's long tongue seems like you're emphasizing the thing about her that would aid in your orgasm (even though there could be a variety of stretches one could make as to other reasons why Cookie was interested in that long tongue...maybe she likes a tongue stuck up her butt when she masturbates, maybe??).

Anyway, all that to say I think that this clap-back, although truly solid, unfortunately reinforces the incorrect assumption that things stimulating the inside of the vagina cause females to orgasm. It took the focus in cunnilingus from the outer, clit area parts where it should be if orgasm is a desired outcome and towards the vagina hole. Granted the vag-hole is commonly and historically the focus in relation to lady-gasms, but it's a misplaced focus arising from our culture's obsession with believing intercourse is just as orgasmic for females as it is for males. It's actually not, though, and I can't abide by jokes and clap-back that help to reinforce that kind of incorrect BS about lady-gasms. Sorry Empire, only 1 out of 5 vulvas. I have faith you'll do better next time.

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