The Dirtiest Girl in the World: Annie Cruz 4-29-2014: The SSL Review

I just bought a new car. It's the fanciest car I have ever owned. I don't have to use a screw driver in the process of starting it, so I feel really good about the purchase. The point of all this is to say that the car came with 6 months of free Sirius XM Radio. So, there's all kinds of shit on Sirius, but I noticed that there was a Playboy station on my channel card, and I thought this might be a fantastic chance to get some SSL review material on my long ass drive to and from work. I turned to it, and indeed there was talking a lot about sex. I soon realized it was actually Vivid Radio not Playboy Radio. I guess the card's wrong about the channels. Anyway, it seems like it's mostly hour long talk shows with Vivid porn star ladies (Vivid is like one of the most famous high quality porn production companies out there in case you didn't know).

So, I was listening to a show called, Dirtiest Girl in the World: Annie Cruz. It's just Annie Cruz (a porn star) telling stories and taking calls. Turns out, she tells a whole story about her weekend of screwing that includes some orgasm talk, and I figure I can SSL review it real quick.

I guess she has a boyfriend that on radio she calls Captain America, and she tells stories about him from time to time. Apparently, this past weekend she flew down to the city ol' Capt'n lives in, and they did it a lot. She tells the story of all their sex adventures and asks people to count how many times they have sex so they can call in with the answer and win a prize.

The number was 15 by the way. Basically, he bangs the shit out of her constantly, pretty much in every position. She almost always mentions his orgasm for each sexual encounter - usually in the form of where he put his load...vag, ass, or mouth. Her first encounter begins with Capt'n lifting her in the air against a wall and putting his mouth against her pantied crotch. From her story, it seems like he messes mouth to crotch for a while but there was no insinuation of an orgasm, and he quickly manhandled her onto the bed and began banging her vag mish (I learned that pornstars call missionary position mish while listening to this station, and I kinda like it). At this point she says something like, "after like 3 or 4 orgasms" and goes on talking. So the assumption is that his ramming into her caused orgasm after orgasm. It's, unsurprisingly, the same way female orgasm would be portrayed in a porn or in a romance novel. He does a tiny bit of oral and then rainbows fly out of her vag in orgasmic waves while some p in v happens. It's completely unrealistic, but not unexpected.

She doesn't ever speak about her orgasm again - or ever say anything about the clitoris until like day 3 of the weekend, when he goes down on her, and she's really raving about this one. She mentions that very few dudes ever are able to get her off with just their tongue, which makes me start to wonder if she's talking about jamming tongues into her vagina since she's really only spoken about her vagina. However, to my great surprise, she says something like, "his tongue was just dancing around my clit." So I loved that. That was a clearly feasible story...clit, tongue, orgasm - yes, that is realistic.

So, I'd say this would get a better SSL review than your average porno, but it still strongly gave the whole I-need-a dick-inside-me-to-come-and-the-harder-faster-the-better vibe, and that's not realistic and not helpful, so I'm only giving this show 2 vulvas. I mean can't we ever hear about a gal rubbing her clit off while she's getting banged...I mean at least 1 out of the 15 times, right?


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