Type "how to masturbate" into Google, and (in a surprising turn of expectations) don't be afraid of the article that comes up first! It's pretty top-notch actually. It's called "How To Orgasm, Female Style: 8 Steps To Having Orgasms (Without A Vibrator)," and it's by Vanessa Marin over at Bustle.
|Vanessa Marin from her site VMTherapy.com|
I guess it's not surprising that it's an article about female masturbation and not male masturbation. Men have plenty of other ways that masturbation methods might become clear to them as they grow into sexual people. For instance:
- Porn has a tons of actual male orgasms, sometimes using their own hands or a partner's hands to finish off - so you can see exactly how it might get done.
- Basic American sex ed is not great for a lot of things, but the vague and limited information given about reproductive sex insinuates the right thing about step 1 to creating dude-gasms (i.e. encompassing the penis with something).
Sadly we ladies are not as lucky. The sex ed insinuation we get - "put something in vagina" - is not step 1 for lady-gasms, and good luck finding a porn actress rubbing her own clit or getting her clit rubbed in a way and for an amount of time that might elicit actual orgasm (however, if you are looking for 'acted' lady-orgasms, porn has you covered).
Okay, So Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist focusing on sex things, and clearly she writes for Bustle too. What I'd like to say about this lovely lady is that she gives one of the very best lady-bation instruction posts I've seen on the web. Here's some things I love about it:
- It's got all the best advice you usually see about this: try and work out all your I-shouldn't-masturbate demons, explore the clit/vulva area, don't focus on orgasm at first, make time to practice - you know, that sort of thing. However, it then gets to specific details about how to actually move your fingers on your junk. diagonal? circles around the clit? the ol' 2-finger clit-surround method? It's up to you. Try them all!
- As one of the first helpful links, it has For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality book by Lonnie Barbach; A groundbreaking book by A fab woman I was lucky enough to interview about 5 years ago. Seriously, if you have not yet orgasmed and want to start that journey, I highly recommend this book.
- It's focused on the hands. Don't get me wrong. I love a vibrator. We all should, really. Sometimes, though, there are no vibrators to be had. Sometimes, our own hands are all we have available, and we must, I say MUST, be prepared for these times.
- It's a fun read, and there's some good gifs. I recommend it highly.
So a very big Thank You to Ms. Vanessa Marin. I have much love and appreciation for anyone who promotes lady-bation. And, for those that do so with particularly realistic and detailed instructions, I have a little something more. This post gets Vanessa right into the Orgasm Equality Allies List.