Showing posts with label dildos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dildos. Show all posts

12.03.2017

Inside Amy Schumer S1 Ep5 - The SSL Review



Inside Amy Schumer Season 1 Episode 5
This show makes me laugh, and here's the best part. Amy Schumer tends to bring it when it comes to realism and female sexuality. She brought it in her movie Trainwreck, in The Joe Rogan Podcast, and largely in the other episodes of this show I've SSL Reviewed so far. She has shown a strong willingness to give the clit the glory it deserves, speak some truths about lady sex experiences, rep for actual lady-gasms - and that is what this blog is all about. (She could use some schooling and humbling when it comes to speaking about race though).



SSL Review
There is plenty to SSL Review in this show. And for those that don't yet know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussions or depictions of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I'm looking at realism (for instance, was the physical thing happening during the depicted orgasm, actually something that would realistically cause a woman to orgasm?). I'm also stepping back and asking how the depiction/discussion plays in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and women's sexuality. The TV show or movie might be fantastic and get a bad SSL Review or vice versa.

Please, my friends, do enjoy more SSL Reviews for MOVIES and TV SHOWS.

The Scenes
THE BACHELORETTE PARTY
This skit involves a bunch of female friends at a bachelorette party/ shower. They are all giving the woman of honor her gifts, and it's really a skit about one-upping each other, but they're doing it with vibrators.
Amy opens the first gift and and it's a rabbit vibrating dildo where the dildo can go in the vagina and the vibrating bunny ears are right at the clit (see below).



Gift Giver 1: I use the same one myself. Let me just say, it really knows what it's doing. (As she said that she touched the clit touching rabbit ears).
She opens the next gift and it's another vibrating dildo that looks a lot like the one below.



Gift Giver 2: This one is called the Herminator, and it's the same one I use. It has an alarm clock and voice control. It is the best. no offense (looking to Gift Giver 1)
She opens the third gift and it's a purple vibrating, beaded Rabit dildo like teh one shown below.



Gift Giver 3: It's the good vibration's sweet sensation, and this thing makes my eyes pop out of my head...and become my vagina.
Gift Giver 1: "um, I just found the battery life on those things to be dog shit."
Gift Giver 3:  Um it's actually also a Boingo hotspot, and I know you travel a lot, so I'm just really considerate.
She opens the 4th gift and it's a sleek looking rabbit-style vibrating dildo like the one below.



Gift giver 4: It has GPS. you can download 5,000 songs on it. 
Then they all start one-upping and saying crazy stuff about what their gift vibrators can do - wifi, etc. Then one of them says the following.
Gift Giver 3: I just want you to know that I care about your vagina more than I care about my own and that's the most you can care. If that make sense?
Gift Giver 2: It does make sense, but I also care about your vagina a ton. You know, sometimes too much, I wonder. I do wonder that. You know I just... for me, I just really want your vagina to be on the brink of exhaustion at all times
Last one gives her a homemade vibrator (they say vibrator not dildo). I's made of like macaroni and it has pictures of their trips together. It's the favorite gift.


ASKING ON THE STREETS
This is just a little segment Amy does where she talks to random people on the streets of NY.
Amy: Would you ever get somebody a vibrator a a gift?
Woman 1: Yes, I think it the best gift ever!
Amy: My birthday's coming up 
Amy: Do you own a vibrator?
Friend 1: Uh, I used to, but it broke in college
Amy: What about you?
Friend 1: Mine didn't break - still in use.
Amy: Still rockin' out!  Praise the lord!

AMY GOES DEEP WITH A DOMINATRIX
This is a segment where Amy sits down with an interesting person and asks them whatever she wants.
Amy: What's something that your clients introduced you to that you've incorporated into your own lif?
Dominatrix: Oh - vibrator hands down.
Amy: Really?
Dominatrix: Oh yes!
Amy: What kind of vibrator?
Dominatrix: It's a Hitachi - it's that...
Amy: Wait, wait wait a minute. Can I have a pen? No one's afraid of an orgasm on this set.
Dominatrix: That's right  (with a little snap)
My Thoughts
vibrators are vibrators, not dildos
I mean, I love a vibrator episode, amiright? First off, they called them vibrators not dildos, even though many of the vibrator gifts were vibrating dildos. I appreciate that. It gives proper reverence for the truly important part of a vibrating dildo...the vibrations. That, my friends, is what jiggles the ol' clit/vulva area into orgasm. Yes, you can also stick it up inside you, and that's fun too, and good for, you know, the feeling of having something inside you. But stimulation of the clitoral glans area is what causes orgasm in women, just like stimulation of the penis causes orgasm in men.

Most of those fancy 'rabit' style vibrating dildos used as gifts in the Bachelorette skit are specifically created to give clit stimulation, though, and I think they were intentionally chosen because of that, which is awesome and much appreciated. In fact, Gift Giver 1 touched on the outer 'rabbit ear' clit stimulator when she said it "hit all the right parts." I can only assume that was an intentional way to point out that it's clit, not inner vagina, focused. I believe that because Amy Schumer (and probably also the writers and actresses around her) seems pretty cognizant of her role in adding realism to media about the clit being the focus of female sexual pleasure.

Also, if you don't know about these 'rabbit' style vibrating dildos, here's a quick lesson. You stick the dildo part in, get all that subtle inner vibes going (sometimes I think they even move around, like in circles or something - I don't know what that's gonna do, but it sounds fun enough to try out), and then you have a little outer part (could be rabbit ears, could be just a small appendage) that vibrates and hits right on the clit area while the rest is inside. Nice, right?

On an aside...having a dildo vibrate inside, instead of outside, is really quite nice too. I'd say it allows this nice subtle vibration to make its way out to your lips/clit area, and it's like a smooth arousal groove. It's nice. I didn't know about that fun until years into my vibrating life, but it's also a desperate tease. I find it gets me real aroused down there, but it just can't seal the deal. The vibrations are just too subtle, and too not focused where I need them. Maybe there are other women out there who have figured out how to get the vibrations happening inside to make enough waves hit the clit to get over the hump, but I haven't. And that's why I say you might as well have 2 vibrators, so if you want one inside, you can set the other one on top, near the clit to actually get you over the orgasm hill.

Why say 'vagina' when you could say 'clit' and be accurate and more interesting
And that brings us to the next point. All the women were talking about how the vibrator affected their 'vagina.' I don't think the word clit was ever even used. I feel pretty confident that they meant the whole 'down there,' when they said vagina. Honestly, that's a very common use of the word vagina, but in reality the vagina is literally the tunnel, not the outer parts. I tend not to be too much of a critic about people, especially in comedy, using 'vagina' incorrectly because it's the most common word for lady-junk. However, I think in this case, I'm a touch more critical because the vibrators are so dildo-ish and many people might assume they are intended more for vaginal stimulation than stimualtion of the clit/vulv area.

Plus, given that so many people don't even know where the clit is, the overall impression of this scene for a lot of people could just be a confirmation of the very common but incorrect feeling that vibrating dildos are great because they vibrate the actual vaginal canal, leading them to further incorrectly assume that the vagina is what needs stimulated to get great orgasms. I don't think that's the intended message from the Schumer writers, but it is what may have happened none the less. Honestly, (unless maybe the show allows vagina, but not clit said, which may actually be the case) saying clit in place of vagina up there would have made as much sense, and probably been funnier in some cases.

Love the Vibrator/Lady-bation Love
As for the women on the street and the badass dominatrix. Hells to the yeah. I love that they enthusiastically endorsed a vibrator, and that the show added to that enthusiasm. This is how we normalize female masturbation. (Even the one whose vibrator broke in college still admitted to having used one at least once...And bitch please, I know she she either still has one or she wishes she did but her partner's scared by them. It's a rare woman who uses a vibrator so much she breaks it and then just settle for her new non-vibrator life. It's insane. She knows how things can be with one. How could she go back?).

And, can I say that I love imagining this Dominatrix, who very likely quite enjoys her job, doing her job. I imagine she's saying and doing shit to dudes (and maybe some women, but I like thinking about doing this shit to dudes) that could be super wierd and fun as shit to do. She's using some improv and acting. She's getting to see intimate elements of strangers one rarely is privy to. She's able to care and heal maybe. She gets to dress in fun outfits, but it's probably not that sexy in the end. Then, one day, wham!, a client brings a vibrator for her to use. She's never tried one before, and as she's trying it, the heavens open and her life, both outside this job and inside, gets a little better, and that's truly a lovely thing.

My Vulva Rating
This is not a perfect SSL Review because I really do think the use of the word 'vagina' instead of 'clit' or even 'vulva' in the gift scene gave an overall wrong impression about how female orgasm works and how vibrating dildos are realistically used for getting a lady-gasm. (However, if an Inside Amy Schumer insider contacts me and lets me know that the word clit was preferred, but could not be used, well, then I might up the vulva rating).

Over all though it was very good, and I feel intentionally so. Like, there was thought put into giving praise for women getting their own in the orgasm department with vibrators. It was not only normalizing of female masturbation and the use of vibrators (because honestly people are still afraid of them and show that in their media - See SSL Review for Love S1), it was also downright enthusiastic about it. This gets a solid 4 out of 5 vulvas

(!)(!)(!)(!)


11.25.2017

1977 Hustler Review Series #5: Sex Toy Ads




Why I'm SSL Reviewing a 1977 Hustler
So there is a fab lady named Jill Hamilton. She made it into the Orgasm Equality Allies List a good while ago for her various writings. She's awesome and she's goddamn funny. She writes the blog In Bed With Married Women, which you will not regret reading, and she's revo-fucking-lucionizing the classic Cosmo Sex Positions lists.

Now here's where Hustler comes in. She had a give away on her blog, and we readers had to comment and tell her what we wanted so she could pick randomly and ship shit out to us. I saw she had a vintage Hustler, and so I asked - nay begged - for it. I promised to SSL Review it cover to cover, and here I am doing just that.

An SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussion and/or depiction of female orgasm and/or female masturbation in media (usually I do this for movies or TV not magazines, though). I particularly pay attention to the realism and scientific accuracy of the depiction/discussion and how it fits within the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality.

Feel free to check out the previous SSL Reviews of the Advice Column, the Porn Movie Reviews, a Bondage article, and the Kinky Korner erotic story.

Sex Toy Ads
So at the back of the magazine, there's a variety of ads. This was before the internet, so there's tons of ads for mail order movies and pictures, plenty for a 'Spanish Fly' type drug that you sprinke into women's food to make them crazy horny (I'm assuming this was just BS and not some some type of sedative), and I also found 3 that were for vibrators...and although none of them said the word 'orgasm' in the ad, they all alluded to it.

Problem is that they all insinuated that vaginal stimulation, or I guess vaginal vibration to be specific, was why a woman would be wanting to use it, if ya know what I mean. The clit or the outer part of the female genitals were never mentioned or alluded to. If you've read this blog before, you won't be surprised to hear me say that orgasm from stimulation inside the vagina is not a realistic expectation given that there is no physical observations of orgasms caused by stimulation inside the vagina with no additional outer clitoral stimulation in all of scientific literature. That's the god's honest truth.

What that means is unsurprisingly, these ads pretty much all have it wrong about what makes women orgasm. They focus discussions about getting women off in terms of intercourse. It's not surprising that they do this, and it's not just because these are almost 40 year old ads. It's just that our culture is doggedly stuck on the idea that hetero PinV intercourse should be as orgasmic for women as it is for men. It's absolutely not, but we just can't seem to shake the habit of depicting and discussing sex as if it were.

Anyway, I wanted to give my big spiel about how silly these ads were based only on the fact that they aim to stimulate the vagina instead of the clit, the lady-part that actually can induce orgasm from stimulation. So keep that in mind as I introduce these fad ads.

SUPER STUD - THE ULTIMATE VIBRATOR




Super Stud is the ultimate new vibrator that brings sexual enjoyment never before possible. Like the real thing in every way you can imagine! Because it's the same shape...the same texture...provides the same pulsating surge of power...the same sensual inner massage...the same driving, pounding, passionate explosion of ecstasy! It expands, it contracts, it moves slowly or rapidly, up and down and round and round. The perfect way to bring your lover to a fever pitch of excitement - she'll be ready, eager, panting for lovemaking - expends to a full 8". So unlike anything ever offered before, you'll never use any other vibrator again. You'll swear by Super Stud.
First off, they're really missing the point of a vibrator here. It's actually great because it's not like the 'real thing' - which I assume means a dude pumping his penis in you. We ladies don't need a toy for that. We know where to get that if we want it, which we don't right now because what we want is an orgasm. This vibrator is great for that, but it's because it vibrates and we rub it against our clits - which dicks are terrible at.

Also, I'm reeeeaaal skeptical of the moving capabilities this ad insinuates of this dildo vibrator. It looks like it's just an floppy accordion-ed dildo and if you want it to move rapidly, slowly, in and out and round and round, you best use your hand to do it because it's just a cheap weird vibrating dildo, not a sex robot.

GERMAN TICKLERS




Finding the right tickler is no laughing matter.  That's why LEISURE TIME offers a German Tickler that can turn the blandest penis into a well garnished bratwurst. Our German Ticklers are made of soft-textured latex that is specially designed to stimulate the most hard to please fraulein. Each German Tickler comes equipped with a special feature - if washed with soap and water, and properly cared for, it is reusable. In fact, you should get as many miles out of your German Tickler as you would from a Volkswagon.
I'll be real honest, I don't exactly know what a tickler is, but from the picture, I'm assuming it's a semi-sturdy sheath that goes over the dick, and adds a touch of length, girth, texture, and for some, what I can only really describe as torture devices to the end of your dick. Seriously, ain't no woman want those spikes scraping across her cervix. We can go get a pap smear if we want that kind of treatment.

I mean, if you want some extra on the dick for fun, why not try it, but vaginal walls don't get stimulated into orgasm. Hell, those those walls are probably not even going to notice the dumb bumps on your tickler at all. If you want to get your girl off just tickle her clit (well, not tickle, really, but give it consistent appropriate stimulation), and save your money...Plus, let's be honest. You don't want to reuse that thing. Soap and water will not do the trick.

BUTT/PUSSY TICKLER (Vibrate your way to Orgasm)


Now motorized for that tingling, fullfilling sensation that you desire. Rectal/Vaginal stimulation is created for the ultimate pleasure! Also good for enema retention.
Rectal/Vaginal stimulation can be pleasurable, sure, but if they are insinuating an orgasm from that they're way off-base. We've already gone over that. Let's get to what's really important here. What the fuck is happening and what are they selling? What is this 'enema retention' they speak of? Why?

I really don't know. Is this a vibrating butt plug that you can stick in just after an enema to block the floodgates? If so, why? I'm leaving it at that. I'm not sure what else to say, but if you were looking for an enema retention product, and you thought you struck gold here, you're wrong. This is a 40 year old add. Keep trying the interwebs.

Vulva Rating
These all together get a terrible vulva rating because the overwhelming sense from these ads was that women orgasm from stimulation inside the vagina, and there simply is no physical evidence that has ever happened. 0 vulvas for these sex toys.

Zero Vulvas