Girls Seasons 1-6 SSL Review - The Cunnilingus Scenes

Share

Tweet

Girls SSL Review - Cunni-motherF'n-lingus

I watched Girls a few years ago and took notes on the SSL Reviewable scenes, but I just didn't do anything with them. I was kind of overwhelmed about how to do them. I was planning to write about all the SSL scenes for the series in groups by category (instead of by episode or episode group), but I just didn't. Then I got the chance to re-watch the series recently while I was doing other shit, and I was able to refine my descriptions of the scenes in question. It also allowed me to kind of think about the sex and sexuality and orgasms in the series from a wider perspective, which helped me understand a bit better how I'd like to write these SSL Reviews, and I'm starting with the eating out scenes.

What is a SSL Review? - The Basics (skip if you already know)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation/cunnilingus and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

The General Sense of Eating Out In This Series

I'm going for the vibe...the feel...this time in these categories of SSL Reviewable scenes, because I think it's more important for this series than the one scene at a time details I usually do. I started the Girls posts in the old way, but only because Season1 Episode2 scenes struck me as a microcosm of the whole series and I wanted to dig into it a little - if you wanna check that one out. I also did a general feel post of the series way back when I first watched it. 

The thing I find interesting about this show is that: 

1. a lot of young women watched this, and with all the sex in it, it's influential media and thus important, I think. 

2. It's got a rawness and strange realness when it comes to bodies and sexual experiences. Granted the experiences depicted are in no way everyone's experience, but they are experiences that exists and that aren't usually dwelled on in this casual way in media....and to be honest, I think there are core elements of these experiences that are a lot more universal that we'd like to admit. 

And, 3. Girls as a whole really, and I think intentionally, does well at giving a sense of what sex is like for these characters, these girls, at this time in their lives. It's a truly mixed bag, some loveliness, and bravado, and hope, and confusion, and a whole lot of kinda fucked-up, and I don't think, if you step back and consider sexual culture for women as a whole, it feels that off-base - even though it's pretty intensely messed up at times...and I think that's incredibly interesting and telling.  

So, this post focuses on oral sex and how it fits in the lives of the characters based on how it was depicted. I'll give you the overview and then more details about each scene will be below for reference.

Here's my hot take. Cunnilingus is just not that common in their sexual interaction with men. It's WAY, WAY more outnumbered by simply getting fucked with no lady-gasm (but definitely a dude-gasm) associated. That's the 100%, for sure, #1 type of sexual interaction in this show by far. On the contrary licking lady junk is not at all common, and it's sex with a woman - not a man where it tends to happens. In fact, it's depicted often as surprising when a dude does do it.  

I'd like to say this is BS and unrealistic, but this doesn't feel that strange. It's pretty consistent with the idea of the Oral Sex Gap. The data on that largely originated from one study, but the idea that there is way more giving going on than receiving seemed to resonate with some - particularly in casual sex; and the orgasm gap, which is statistically found in many more than 1 study, also resonates (these articles are pretty good HERE and HERE about the issue of consensual, but shitty sex that I think Girls puts in full, unblinking view). Point is, I think pussy eating in this series isn't prominent because as much as we'd like to think otherwise, it seems not to actually be as prevalent as it should be in the single sexual life of liberal, city-dwelling millennials (or any other generation living anywhere and with any political stance, really). 

The rundown is this. Marnie gets ate out twice. The first time it's with a boyfriend she's dated for 6 years, but then breaks up with, and they get back together. She's super surprised at how good he is at it. Which, ya know, kinda indicates that in the their long 6 years of relationship, this was not something that was a common and/or super pleasurable part of their sex. Later in the series Marnie is eaten out by a casual, but regular, hook-up guy, and we just see him go down and her face seeming to really enjoy it. This is really the only uncomplicated, hetero cunnilingus scene in the whole series. The other 2 scenes are Jessa and then later Hannah going down on a woman they met at, I guess you could call them both certain types of retreats. They were both one-night stands, really. The final scene was just a dude on a one-night stand telling Shoshanna, "I like to eat pussy too. I know it seems really weird, but I do." She is trying to lose her virginity - which means to her (and unfortunately is also the most standard cultural definition) getting a dick in her vagina, so she's not into it, and there ends up being no pussy eating. 

All in all, no character is depicted getting her pussy eaten in a 1 night stand (and many are depicted getting banged).  Only 1 character gets any pussy eating at all, and it's only twice. One time in which it's indicated this is uncommon for their 6-year relationship. Half of the pussy eating scenes are lesbian encounters, and the only significant discussion of cunnilingus is a dude saying he likes it and knows it's weird to like it. There is ton of intercourse in this show and all the women characters are shown having it a number of times, so that 3 of the 4 main characters aren't shown getting ate out at all, is a marked absence. 

The Vulva Rating

A vulva rating on these Girls scenes are hard. On one hand the lack of actual physical actions that could realistically cause female orgasm is not great. It normalizes the basic hetero sexual script of intercourse and dude-gasm as the main (and often only course) in a sexual encounter. It reinforces these sexual expectations that make the physical act easily orgasmic for penises and barely if at all orgasmic for vulvas and vaginas. 

On the other hand, it depicts a sort of gritty, realism in the way sex plays out for these characters, and I have an appreciation for that because telling the truth is always important, and the truth often looks, quite rightly, shitty in this show. On the other other hand, even though the truth is shitty and should be seen, continuing to show hetero sex acts that are not inclusive of realistic female orgasm simply piles on the already large problem of our culture's normalization and expectations of male-gasm-centric sex, and that's not progressive. I can't give a good vulva rating for that even if I do have a strong appreciation for it and an understanding that laying the truth out in the light of day is an important part of creating real change. To get a great vulva rating, I want to see depictions of lady-gasms from sexual acts that one could sensibly assume would physically cause an orgasm in a female...AND I would love for it to feel normalized and contribute to the culture of sexuality as something people could/should expect of a sexual encounter. 

So, all that to say this is getting a low vulva rating because of the lack of cunnilingus depicted in hetero relationships, and especially hetero hook-ups, but not the lowest because the truth in these sexual scenes resonate. I will give this 2 vulvas out of 5.

(!)(!)

The Scenes In More Detail

Season 1 Episode 4 - It's weird, though, right?

Shoshanna is about to have a one-night stand with a dude. She's trying to lose her virginity and is trying to get him to have intercourse with her specifically. She, and sadly ya know all of our culture, sees losing her virginity as getting a penis in her vagina, so she's in a hurry to get this done. They are making out and talking about it, and he says, "And I like to eat pussy too. I know it seems really weird, but I do." She seems freaked out by that - maybe because she's weird about sexual things and oral seems more freaky or maybe just because she just wants to lose her virginity and be done. So, she just asks if he wants to have sex. Things happen after that, but there is no cunnilingus or discussion of it again.

Season 2 Episode 10 - Wait!? What did you learn when we were broken up?

Marni and Charlie were dating for 6 year. They broke up, but recently got back together, and the show cuts to a scene of him eating her out. She's on her back, and he's facing her down between her legs - a classic position. She says it feels so good and asks him seriously how he got so good at that and how many women he's been with since they've been apart. By her face and her movements, it clearly is feeling real good to her. He tells he's not going to do this with her and tells her to relax. She obliges and lays back. The scene cuts just after that and before any orgasm, but the insinuation is it's going in that direction.

Season 3 Episode 1 - Rehab treat

Jessa is in rehab, and well, basically she hooks up with this woman. We see Jessa eating her out. The woman laying on her back and Jessa is laying with the face in between her legs, and her legs out towards the bed - again - a pretty classic position. The woman is moaning. It's loud but not too porny, and it's working up to, but not an orgasm yet. It's maybe a bit exaggerated, but I think that's because this is this woman's first lesbian sexual experience, and she's been closeted for her whole life. All in all it seems authentically like it could bring her to orgasm if the scene didn't cut.  

Season 4 Episode 3 - Going Down

A casual but regular guy sex partner is eating out Marnie. It's a quick scene, and it's above the waist, but there's certainly a mouth on the vulva, and she's clearly enjoying it and aroused. There is no orgasm by the time the scene ends, but the insinuation is that they are on their way to it.

Season 5 Episode 4 - The hottest oral sex

So, for reasons, Hannah ends up eating a woman out in a sauna. Hannah is not experienced with giving cunnilingus, but this woman clearly seems to be an old-timer at this receiving of it and likely giving too. The lady is very into it and aroused, but Hannah is getting way too hot (literally temperature-wise) and stops. The woman really wants to orgasm, and tries to get Hannah to do it for just like 30 more seconds. She even tries pushing Hannah's head down, but Hannah slips away and gets up. The woman rubs off in about 10 seconds and comes loudly...and then cries.

Match - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Match - The Movie

So, I wouldn't blame you if you hadn't seen this move. It was pretty independent and low budget, and it's based on a play, so it's one of those movies that were obviously a play because it has like 2 sets and a lot of dialogue. 

All that said, I was into it. And, it's not just that it stars Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise, who I've had a heavy crush on since the 80's when I started watching him and Data and all the fab starship crew. It helped, obviously, but I actually think Patrick Stewart usually for real brings it to a role. Anyway, I liked the movie, and he said one thing in it that makes it SSL Reviewable. It's super simple and barely SSL Reviewable, but I just wanted to write about my Jean-Luc saying something I would like to think he actually says in real life. Also, somewhat recently Patrick Stewart married a brunette white lady, who is not famous and my age, so I feel like I missed out on my true path somehow. 

An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

 

Eat ME Out, Captain

So, I won't give away anything about the plot of the movie, because I don't want to spoil anything. It's that kind of movie. What I can tell you is the my Jean-Luc plays Tobi, a high-end ballet teacher at Julliard that back in the day used to live the good dancer life. He tells some stories of the old days, and in one he says:

Tobi Powell: God, I used to love to perform cunnilingus. Sorry, too much information. 

Lisa Davis: Uh... no. 

Tobi Powell: I was actually quite good at it. A little like the slip stitch knitting that I would later take up, over and under... mark thumb placement in the gap between needles, [both laughing a little] 

Tobi Powell: break yarn, thread tail, draw up, fasten off...I've offended you. 

Lisa Davis: No, uh... just catches me a bit off guard. 

Tobi Powell: Well, most good cunnilingus conversations do.

I mean, I'm gonna give this a good vulva rating - not the very best, but good. It wasn't like anything super amazing was said here. It wasn't like there was an incredibly progressive discussion about how banging a vagina was not a good or even slightly sensible way to get a lady-gasm. It was just a dude talking about how he enjoys eating out pussy, but ya know what? We could use more of that, so I will celebrate it a little. I do believe each year the idea that pussies (or if you want to call them by their proper name, Vulvas) should be eaten as much as dicks are sucked, grows the tiniest bit, but we still have a long, long way to go. The Oral Sex Gap is sadly very much still alive and well, and certainly a no small part in the overall Orgasm Equality Gap. 

The more we hear people in the media say they like cunnilingus; the more we hear women saying they masturbate; the more we see the clit being rubbed out or a vibe used on the vulva during a fuck; the more we hear a woman say she expects her clit to be as involved in the sex act as much as the penis is, the more normalized all those things will be, and that's a big part of what's needed if we ever want lady-gasms to be as prominent in sex as dude-gasms. 

So, thank you Jean-Luc. I'm going to masturbate tonight to you cunnilingussing me. 4 out of 5 vulvas from me.

(!)(!)(!)(!)

Wanderlust S1 Ep2 - The SSL REview

Share

Tweet

Wanderlust

This is a British TV series, but I caught it on Netflix. I really liked this show, and bonus, it involves a long-time married couple's sex lives, so there are things to SSL Review. I already reviewed the 1st episode. Feel free to check it out. Overall this show has a fairly fresh perspective on ladygasms - at least for a TV show. There are a few imperfections, but definitely better than I would normally expect. The first episode got a good SSL Review and this one will have a mixed one. It'll be fairly short (I don't always write a long-winded ass book).  So, enjoy, and go check out this show. I recommend it.

An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

Okay - I'll describe the 2 SSL Reviewable scenes, and then I'll give my thoughts on it, and finally (lucky you) you'll get to see the Vulva Rating. That's how this will go.

 

The First Scene: quick sex on a countertop

I won't get into names. Just know it's a man and a woman. The couple is making out, and they very quickly start taking off each other's pants. Their tops stay on. He gets the condom out, which takes a minute. She sits on some kind of table or counter, and when he gets the condom unwrapped, he puts it on (out of site, of course), and puts it right in her. 

They aggressively bang against each other for a very short time (although it cuts to another scene in the middle, so it could be intended to be slightly longer than we are seeing). Anyway, she is kind of grunting and moaning in a sort of 'I'm gonna come' sort of way. He's doing the same. And then they sort of do a final 'uh' like there was a come. They slightly collapse into each other and then untangle. 

Honestly, it could be seen two ways - that she did come at the same time he did, or also that she was just making sex noises. I tend to think it plays more towards the former. Granted, I personally tend to see it in the latter (because unintentional faking is a things) but I don't think that's the show's intention or what most people on a casual watch would get from it. I think what was intended and what is likely taken from that scene is that 2 people bang, and it ends in them both being mutually sexually satisfied (assume orgasm). I will say when it ends she seems a bit bothered, as opposed to satisfied and basking in the afterglow, but I think from context that was having to do with their non-sexual relationship not a dissatisfaction with the physical aspect of sex.

The Second Scene: ate the fuck out!

I'm keeping names out of this too. Again, just know it's a man and woman. This scene is super simple. The lady hooks up with a dude. You see them kissing and groping as they go into his place. Then we see a bust shot downward of her laying on the bed in just her bra. It's clear the guy is working on her down there. He is not in shot. 

From her face, we can see she is kind of contemplating what's happening, ya know, and getting into it. It cuts to another scene. The next time we see her, it's the same shot, and she is clearly orgasming from a good ol' eating out...or whatever he's doing down there. It's not actually clarified. I assumed.

The SSL Review Stuff

I mean, not too much exciting to say here. The first couple was an example of shit status quo intercourse that would be just fine for getting a dude off, but absolutely shit for getting a woman with a vagina and clit off. Why? Because just as men need their penises stimulated to orgasm, women need their clits stimulated...and you know what? A penis jamming in and out of the vagina is a terrible way to make that happen, because despite popular belief, stimulating the inside of the vagina does not cause orgasms. Seriously.

But what's even more terrible is the incredibly common situation where some lady in a TV show or a movie or porn or even a book gets banged into an orgasm with no additional clitoral simulation. It's terrible because it's insanely unrealistic but the sheer number of times we all see it happen in our media makes it seem like how sex should happen, how women should orgasm, and feels like we're seeing how other women orgasm. It creates expectations that simply can't be achieved, and confusion, shame, and conflict when those expectations clash with reality. Point being, this type of sex scene is so very, very common and it also is overall negative for the plight of the female orgasm.

On the other hand, the second scene was stellar. It was a one-night stand that didn't focus on what most depicted one-night stands focus on; intercourse. Instead, it focused on a sex act that 1. was totally focused on the lady, and 2. was something that actually, realistically could cause an orgasm for a lady if it were done to her. Well, I'm assuming so, since I'm thinking it was cunnilingus, but even if it were him putting a vibe on her vulva or manually stimulating her, it'd be the same level of realism, but honestly, I think the intention was that she was getting ate the hell out.

Listen, I love any depiction of sex that forgoes the regular ol' shit for lady-gasm intercourse, and instead depicts something that actually might cause a lady to come. We don't have enough of it, and we'd probably need every sex scene to be that for the next 50 years before we even begin to make those take over as the majority style of sex scene above the status-quo, bang-her-into-an-orgasm, shit intercourse scenes that clutter media currently. So, keep 'em coming. As it stands this episode is 50/50 for the two types of scenes.

Vulva Rating

Given that there was 1 stagnant, unrealistic, over-used depiction of "lady-gasm" and one under-used, realistic depiction of lady-gasm, I have to put the vulva rating in the middle of the road. But also a little lower because, ya know, 1 bad apple ruins the barrel.

So, I am giving this episode a 2 Vulva Rating out of 5.

(!)(!)

A Dirty Story With 7 Realistic Lady-gasms!

Share

Tweet

Sorry it's been 2 weeks again. I have a couple post I'm working on, but none are done yet, so I'm going to write a quick one. It's not unimportant though. In fact, I think it's one of the most important aspects of change that need to come in order to get to Orgasm Equality - clit-stimulated orgasms in porn and erotica. 

Clit-gasms!

So, yes, of course you can find orgasms caused by external clitoral glans area stimulation all over porn, romance novels and erotica, but it is a truly rare find to have ALL the lady-gasms in one of these works resulting from clit glans area stimulation. There's usually 1 maybe 2, but then there's also some caused from stimulation inside the vagina - usually from a penis or a dildo. And once you have even one of those B.S. never-observed-or-recorded-in-scientific-literature vag-gasms in there, it kind of ruins the whole thing. 

I mean everyone already knows that diddling the clit-button works for orgasm. That's undisputed. The part that needs changed is the idea that vaginal stimulation should be expected to cause orgasm as well. So, yeah it's nice to see any scene in any erotic work that depicts orgasms from clit stimulation, but as soon as there's another scene in the work that depicts orgasm from vag-stimualtion as well, all progress goes out the window. In the end, the overall message is unchanged from the shit message we're already getting from our sexual culture - that clits AND vaginal canal stimulation will make a lady come. The only way to create progress is for the whole work to be realistic about lady-gasms, not just part of it. 

For Orgasm Equality to get a foothold, we have to acknowledge, once and for all, that females need external clit area stimulation in order to orgasm as much as males need penile stimulation to orgasm. However, the idea of banging a woman into an orgasm, as unrealistic as it might be, is so deeply held and the image such a common one that a belief in it is not going to go away until we stop seeing it our media. We need to start seeing an unequivocal lack of lady-gasms from banging. Otherwise it won't be enough to force people see lady-gasm differently than we currently do.

A good start to that is to depict every single lady-gasm in an erotic work realistically. Every. Single. One. In porn maybe the best way to do that is to do the same that is done for males - allow the female actors to actually come. No faking. But that's a whole bigger, more complicated, socially deep issue that we won't get into today. 

A Progressive ass dirty story

Today, I want to highlight an explicit erotic story about a F-F-M threesome that had 7 female orgasms and every single one was externally clit area induced. Every. Single. One. Not most. Not 6 out of 7. All of them. It's unheard of. I mean, I think. It's rare at least. I have been masturbating to video, photo, and written porn for a couple decades now, and I honestly think this is the first work featuring 2 or more people I've encountered that has this honor. Granted, I don't get into niche, feminist works. I am very basic and mainstream in the venues for which I find my porn, but I fear even in very niche feminist works it wouldn't be too much different - there always seems to be at least one scene of a lady getting banged into orgasm, even in lesbian porn. If you have examples that prove me wrong, please share. I would love to highlight them. 

Okay, so this was a story on Literotica.com - a free erotic literature site. It's called "When Jessica and Yazmin Slept Over" and it's by Estrellita85. It's in the voice of a man named Steve who becomes a friend and then an experimental lover with Jessica. Jessica has another sex partner Yazmin that visits and, well, they have a threesome. Here is a list of the the 7 lady-gasms.

1 The first one was Jessica's. It happened when she was lying on her back, Steve slowly banging her, and Yazmin was sucking and licking her clit. Solid. Full realism on that one. Clit licking will sensibly work to make a lady come...and getting banged while that is happening can certainly add a little spice, so thumbs up. There was a lot of lead-up to that, but ya know, read the story if you're curious.

2 The second one was Jessica again (she was the center of attention at the beginning of this). I mean, basically she was sitting on Yazmin's face getting everything from her clit to her anus tongued, and she done up and came. Again, a mouth on the clit/vulva area is a realistic way one might orgasm. This was all happening while while Steve was also eating Yazmin out, which brings us to the next one.

3 You guessed it. This one was Yazmin. She had a finger in both her holes, Steve's mouth on her clit, and Jessica licking her body when she came. Mouth on clit. Estrellita85 is continuing to keep it real, my friends.

4 Yazmin got a 2nd turn at the bat, and like Jessica before had Steve's penis inside her vagina and Jessica sucking her clit. She came. Again, I'm totally into this - fully support this depiction.

5 Ya'll, Yazmin did it again! This time Steve's penis moved to her ass. Don't worry, there was lube, and she really wanted it.  Jessica was just watching (I'll get to her in a minute). There was plenty of stuff happening before leading up to this. This whole thing is a pretty long story, actually. Anyway, at the time she came, she was on her knees rubbing her own clit. Earlier, before the ass, while Steve was still in her vag, she started diddling herself, then Steve took over, so there had been a fair amount of manual clit play by this time.  I LOVE when there is a depiction of a lady taking her pleasure into her own hands. That should be a much, much, much more common occurrence during intercourse than it currently is. Oh - and Steve finally came during this as well.

6 Now, during the end of this, Jessica was next to them rubbing her own clit, and minutes after they finished, Jessica came as well from her own hand on her clit. Watching and masturbating to orgasm? That's a orgasm-realistic thumbs up from me!

7 So, there was a shower, ya know, to clean off after that, and then the last lady-gasm was Jessica's. After some tongue play on the ol' anus, she got a little Steve up in there. At the same time, Yasmin first licked and then strummed her clit. I mean, that's legit. Oh and Steve came this time too.

Respect to Estrellita85

Seven out of seven, my friends. I am impressed. And it wasn't like this story avoided intercourse or was not hardcore. There was lots of intercourse in more than 1 hole. It's just that, quite correctly, the ladies orgasmed at times when something that actually causes orgasm in woman - clitoral glans area stimulation - was happening to them instead of during times when the only thing happening to them were things that cause males to orgasm - ya know, like ramming penises into vaginas/asses/mouths for instance. 

This is huge. The truth is that we need erotic depictions of realistic female orgasms. Not only does it help people realize how lady-gasms can realistically happen, but it also gives people ideas and cultural permission to approach female orgasm that way with partners. Things we see and know other people do seem so much more 'okay' to ask for and to do than things that seem rare or weird - like stimulating your own clit to orgasm while getting fucked, for instance. Yeah - maybe you've seen that once or twice. Maybe. But, start looking at sex scenes wherever you see or read them, and start noticing what percentage show a woman rubbing her own clit to orgasm during it. It ain't common, and that reflects, sadly, in real encounters as well. 

Point is, I think this writer has a realistic understanding of the lady-gasm and had a point of view to put forth. It's progressive and revolutionary, and it's just what the world needs if we're ever going to achieve Orgasm Equality.

Get it Estrellita85! You are now an official SSL Orgasm Equality Ally!

Game of Thrones S3 Ep 5-7 - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Game of Thrones
I watched this whole series. Friends were talking about it a lot, so I started watching it a couple seasons after it started. I liked it. It took me a while to get into it, but once I did, I kept up with it. I'm no super fan, but it had some good stuff - including a few interesting lady-gasm/oral sex/clit/ladybation scenes, which of course I love because that means I can SSL review it. Now, the really interesting ones I'm not going to write about here. I'll hit those up later. For now, I'm going to SSL Review something very simple. In fact, it's barely within my technical qualifications for an SSL Review because it's just a discussion of cunnilingus but not also of lady-gasm. I think it's worth noting though, which is why we're here. First  - a refresher on SSL Reviews.

An SSL Review

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts (unless I deem it counts because I want to talk about it), including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

Wildling Ladies Like Tongue
So, if you haven't watched this show and are planning on doing so later, there might be some spoilers, but not really important ones - just giving you fair warning.

Season 3 Episode 5
So Jon Snow hooks up with this wildling woman, Ygritte. (The wildlings are the 'free people' in this show). They hook up in a cave. She gets naked, and they stand together making out for a while until he start moving his mouth down her body. When his head moves out of screen to about her groin area, it's pretty clear whatever he's doing down there was surprisingly nice. We see her beginning to enjoy that for a couple seconds and then it cuts.

Later they talk about it a bit.

Ygritte: that thing you did with your mouth, is that what Lord's do to their ladies where you come from?
Jon: I don't know. I just wanted to kiss you there is all.
Ygritte: Hmmm
Jon: You seemed to like it.
Ygritte: Aye, I liked it some. Who taught you that?
Jon: There's been no one else. Only you.

Season 3 Episode 6 
Later Ygritte and Jon are talking about a past boy in her life.

Ygritte: He wasn't good to me the way you're good to me. He didn't do that thing you do with your tongue.
Jon: Can we not talk about that here?
Ygritte: (mocking him) Can we not talk about that here. I'm Jon Snow and I'm afraid of naked girls.
Jon: Did I seem scared the other day?
Ygritte: You were trembling like a leaf.
Jon: Only in the beginning.
Ygritte: (smiling) You're a proper lover Jon Snow

Season 3 Episode 7 
Another wildling is talking big around a fire, giving advice - it's somewhat in relation to teasing Jon and Ygritte about their hook-up.

Most men fuck like dogs. No grace. No Skill. A few dozen thrusts and done. You need to be patient. Give her time. Your cock shouldn't even go near her until she's slick as a baby seal and then you go inside, but slowly. Don't poke it in like you're spearing a pig.

My Thoughts
I love that the sex between Ygritte and Jon Snow focused on him eating her out. That was clearly her highlight of that encounter. I mean, if I didn't know better, I'd think that Jon's mouth got Ygritte straight sprung, and frankly that makes sense to me. Much like the wildling was describing in Ep 7, too much sex (and as it seems Ygritte's past experiences) are nothing more than roughly spearing a vag with a dick. A mouth on the clit/vulva area is not only just a lovely feeling, but it could very possibly cause an orgasm - something getting a dick jammed in you is incredibly unlikely to even come close to. Seriously clits are the organ of female sexual pleasure - not vaginas.

I feel like this whole Jon's mouth situation endorses to all the viewers watching GOT - and there are a lot - 2 lovely things 1. that a proper lover uses his mouth on a lady's naughty bits and 2. that sex girls really like can (and should) be focused on something other than the dick in the vagina.

As for the wildlings calling for some sexual sensitivity and for getting a woman aroused (slick as a baby seal) before poking her, I appreciate that. It's true. If you are going to stick your dick in something - make sure you take the time to get it fully ready. However, it also brings the focus back to intercourse as the central part of sex between a man and a woman - which I don't love. Intercourse is already #1 with no contenders on the cultural sex list. It doesn't need any help, and it isn't a sensible way for women to orgasm. Both those things mean we need more media discussion/depictions highlighting sex acts that stimulate the clit - women's organ of sexual pleasure - to get that clit some more cultural star status.

The Vulva Rating
I love the focus on and praise of cunnilingus within a sexual act. We need more of that - especially in relation to a 'first time.' I thought the dog-seal-pig discussion later brought focus a bit too much back to intercourse though. I'm going to give these episodes a respectable 4 out of 5 vulva rating.

(!)(!)(!)(!)

Tame Impala Video - Getting Ate Out Awakens Female Sexuality

Share

Tweet

Tame Impala, for those who don't know, is an Australian group that's been pretty popular the last few years. They have a song called "The Less I Know The Better" that has a pretty bad ass video.  I had seen it a while back and really liked it, but when I saw it again a couple days ago, it felt like it had a clearness I hadn't seen in it before. I think the first time I watched it, it was just a lot. I mean there's a lot going on in this video. The second time I was more prepared for what was going to happen and it just sat with me differently.

All that said, I'm not so sure that the intention behind the video is really the intention I'm seeing. Chances are it's not, but I see something in it I really like, and I wanted to write something up quick about it. Plus, it's a fun video - and I appreciate that. I couldn't do an SSL Review because there isn't any actual depiction or discussion of female orgasm, female masturbation or the clit, so this is just a plain and simple talkin'-my-thoughts-out post.

It does have a young woman enjoying some mouth on her clit though.
I mean really enjoying it - not in some loud, showy, porny way - more like in a revelatory way, and that my friends is why we're here. Let me set the scene.

The video starts with a high school girl watching a high school guy in the gym. He's a basketball player and she's maybe a cheerleader of some sort. There's only ambient sound so far - no music. Then the camera moves through the inside of a locker, with vague animal ambient noise, and out into the locker room where the girl is setting on a locker room bench in the same t-shirt and skirt she just had on. Her feet are on the bench with her knees up. She's facing the camera as it's leaving the locker, and the boy is kneeling in front of her with his head between her thighs in that oh-so-special mouth-to-vulva situation. She's breathing quietly and intensely in a way that seems like she's very aroused and allowing it build organically. Her hands are as intense and slow, rubbing through his hair until we see her forefingers and thumbs come together in a heart shape on the back of his head (btw - I like to think the heart is not for him. It's for what she's feeling, but he never gets that).

Then there are a lot of quick cuts. One is guerrilla hands, similar in intensity and motion to her hands, moving on her butt. It's shot from behind her as she's in a sort of kneeling 'child's pose' (like in yoga). Another is her in the same position as in the locker room, but on the basketball court, and it's not his head between her legs but a basketball that she pulls in closer. Back in the locker room, still gripping the back of his head, she lets her head fall back, mouth open and lets out another slow breath that might very well make one believe she's very close to coming. It cuts to the boys face lifting up from between her legs, and he says a little dope-ishly and sincerely in a deep slow-mo voice, "I love you."

It cuts to the girl pulling her head up from how it had fallen back in pleasure and taking a sharp exhale as she looks directly at the camera. The music starts, and we see that this time she is in a wildly colorful cheerleader outfit. She begins to dance and we see other cheerleaders dancing around her with ribbons.

Okay, from there it gets weirder, so let me just quick tell you what that first part felt like to me. It felt like a sexual awakening. It felt like a young woman getting her pussy ate to orgasm for the first time, and realizing that she was a sexual being - that she had a wildness in her that colored her life.

But let me describe further:
At first the boy is happily watching the girl in her bright outfit, dancing around joyfully with the other cheerleaders, but then when she gets thrown into the air, a bunch of dark, animal hair falls from the sky into his hands, and he's bothered.

And that's when a guerrilla comes into the picture. We sees her eagerly and happily jump into a giant guerrilla hand. She and the other cheerleaders have bananas and guerrilla's hands around their waists when they're dancing. It dunks basketballs and does flips down the HS hall. They gleefully writhe against each other and hop around like monkeys do together. She lays luxuriously in a room of guerrilla fur. She swings a guerrilla fur blanket around her and it becomes the guerrilla twirling around with her in his arms triumphantly smiling and waving her hands in the air. She's having a downright joyful time with this guerrilla, and the whole time the boy is watching - mad and sad and jealous.

I mean, it's not completely straight forward. I wouldn't pick the details apart too much, but I felt like this was about a girl that found her sexual joy and wildness (it was the guerrilla ya'll! - that's mothafucking metaphor) and the boy just couldn't keep his shit together about it. Instead of being joyous too, he was hurt and threatened. At one point he goes to the toilet to puke and the puke is red paint, which along with a bunch of other paint colors, covers the statue of a woman in a highly sexualized pose (which maybe represents his feelings of wishing she were a quiet, unmoving sexual object for him and him alone...I don't know ya'll - just throwing it out there). Point is this is a trippy video and he can't deal with her autonomous sexual vibrancy. In fact at the end of the video, the boy angrily throws a basketball at the exuberant guerrilla (her sexuality) and knocks her/the guerilla back, putting a hole in the chest that a bunch of other rainbow basketballs fly out of. Now, I don't know what the rainbow basketballs mean, but I feel like that whole thing was the boy attacking and ultimately damaging the girl's sexual joy and autonomy.

This also might be just a weird, adolescent video (there were a lot of male-gaze, ass-focused shots in here) about Tame Impala's hurt feelings from some girl he got with in high school that hooked up with a dude named Trevor while he thought she should have been with him (The lyrics do have a girl cheating with a guy named Trevor and the Guerrilla's jersey does say Trevor on it).

I like to think it's about what I think it's about though, because I like that shit. I like that this was not a girl getting banged for the first time that got her sexuality sprung (because getting banged don't orgasms make, ya'll) - it was getting ate the hell out (because stimulation on the clit/vulva area does!). I like that she was joyful with her guerrilla/newfound sexuality, because that shit is godamn joyful. I like that the dumb boy looks like a shitbag for dumping on her awesomeness, and I appreciate showing how his inability to cope with her not-connected-to-him sexuality forces him to damage her in the end - because that real life. It happens to women too often - both inside intimate relationships and also to women as a whole in a male-focused sexual culture that doesn't make room for authentic female orgasm.

That's my story of this crazy-ass video, and I'm sticking to it. Watch the video below. Tell me I'm wrong.

Orgasm Interviews: ANNA Part II (Intercourse and Non-Intercourse Activities)

Share

Tweet

Orgasm Interviews - my basic intro (can skip if you've already read one of these)
Welcome back to this new series in SSL where a women answers questions about her orgasm, masturbation, and sexual experiences. I'm super excited about this because I think women sharing their orgasm experience with fo-realness is powerful as fuck.

At the same time, I think women speaking about their orgasm experiences before they have grounded understanding of orgasm or before they have learned how to have an honest relationship with their sexual bodies, can be misleading at best to the women they speak to and damaging at worst. To be frank and blunt about what I mean here, let me say it this way; I strongly suspect there are lots of women that lie about their orgasms - about how they happen, when they have them and if they have them. I don't think it's a mean or intentional thing. I don't even think I'd really call it lying most of the time because I don't think it's a conscious lie. It's more about not understanding what an orgasm physiologically is before speaking about it with an undeserved authority. I just think we women are so mislead and confused about our bodies, about the physiology of orgasm, and about how we should obtain, express, and speak about our orgasm that we often twist our understanding of our own experiences to fit into how we think things should be, and then we speak about them from that twisted, non-scientifically based view and other people take it to heart.

I say that all to let you know that I will be hand-picking all the women I ask to take this survey. I am choosing women I believe have a grounded understanding of orgasm, have exhibited what I believe is an honest relationship with their sexual bodies, and have shown they are able and at least somewhat interested in expressing their feelings and experiences. So, these are also women I have already had the chance to speak to about their orgasms. This series, clearly, is no scientific-based investigation, but I still would like to make it clear to all of you that this is the bias with which I am coming at this.

What I ultimately hope is that these women's stories and insights bring comfort or insight to the other women reading this.

ANNA 
This is the 2nd in her 3 part installment.
Find her PART 1 HERE.
The following is also the description I have in Part 1, so if you've already read it, you can move onto the questions.

The first brave lady I have chosen for this is Anna. I met her online because she wrote me with some worry and criticism about a post I had written. Her insight, openness, and thoughts intrigued me, and we began a really lovely discussion. She graciously accepted the offer to do this, and put a lot of time and effort into being as honest as possible. In an email asking me what format to send it to me in, she said,

"I've been spending a lot of time on your survey, trying to be as honest and thorough as possible. It brought back memories and helped me put into words some vague thoughts I have had. Maybe I was too thorough: I wrote more than ten pages. I couldn't separate orgasms from sex in general. I kept adding context. The answers didn't seem to make sense otherwise."

This will be the second of 3 post from her survey. She did, much to my happiness, write a lot - more than 1 post's worth. Please read her interview in detail. Anna is an extraordinary woman, I think, and although her orgasmic life might have taken a slightly different route from many of you, there is
soooo much to relate to and a lot to learn from. I asked a few follow-up questions that I will include as well. The ability to ask follow-up questions I think is an important perk to this kind of direct questioning.

2. Intercourse 
2a. Describe your relationship to and experience with intercourse. 
Well, for one thing, I thought I would never get a chance to experience it. From middle school and onwards it was made very clear to me how ugly, weird and disgusting I was. Bullying is very damaging.

When I was 17, I met a boy who seemed not only interested but enthusiastic, so I took my (only) chance. We had so much fun! Neither of us had any experience (and also, no internet), so we experimented: "Does this feel good? Harder? Softer? To the left? What about if I do like this instead?" When we tried intercourse I was a bit disappointed that it would not bring me to orgasm but it wasn't that big of a deal. We just tried different ways to include my clit. What worked best was me using my fingers during intercourse. (Too bad all we had in common was sex. It only lasted a couple of months.)

I enjoy intercourse. The pressure inside me can feel really good. I like being close to my partner and seeing his pleasure. Intercourse can bring an extra dimension to my orgasm too, but it doesn't cause orgasms.

2b. If you ever orgasm while having intercourse (either with or without the use of hands, toys or other accessories), please describe exactly what needs to happen to you physically in order to get the stimulation you need to orgasm. If there is more than 1 scenario, describe each. Please be as detailed as you can. 
I'm not sure I understand the question. "What needs to happen to you physically"... Frankly, what needs to happen is that he doesn't get in the way.

I used to orgasm during intercourse most of the time. I would do my usual circular rubbing. He would hold back until I was done, then he would come. I have come from being fingered while he was inside me from behind. It was nice, but it's just as good and also much more reliable if I do it myself.

I have had a few sexual partners: some boyfriends, some more casual. (I haven't counted. Probably more than ten, definitely less than twenty.) With most of them, my finger method worked perfectly. With my current boyfriend it just doesn't. If I put anything between us it doesn't feel as good for either of us, and it doesn't feel as good from behind either. I think it's partly due to anatomical factors but mostly psychological.

My boyfriend so desperately wants it to be good for me that he gets stressed and loses his erection. He is 50+ and has some prostate trouble, but what really derails him is his inner model of how sex SHOULD work. He feels that it's his job to give me orgasms, and that I am somehow being cheated if I have to "help" him. It is better for both of us when he relaxes and lets himself enjoy his own pleasure.

My trusty vibrator doesn't work for me during intercourse. I need it to be positioned very precisely. Intercourse makes it move around too much.

2c. How often would you say you orgasm during intercourse? What are your feelings about that?
It used to be quite often. These days, basically never.
It doesn't matter either way. Intercourse is not all-important. I get orgasms with my boyfriend practically every time we have sex, except when we decide that I won't (as part of play, or because we only have time for one of us - and when that happens, it's usually I who get the orgasm and he who waits)

3. Non-intercourse Partnered Sex 
3a. Have you ever orgasmed during cunnilingus (while being ate out / gone down on / given oral sex)? If so, please describe in detail (as best you can since you aren't in the front row of what's happening down there) what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way. 
I have, but it was a long time ago. The mechanics are the same as when I masturbate: consistent, firm, rhythmical pressure.

Cunnilingus can be nice as part of the build-up phase, but I usually don't orgasm from it. Tongue and lips are not firm enough for more than teasing. Also, I tend to thrash around a lot when I orgasm, so the stimulation tends to vanish when I want it the most.

Most of my partners, current included, seem very enthusiastic, but I sometimes get distracted with worry that he is getting bored or that it tastes bad.

3b. Have you ever orgasmed while a partner was stimulating you with a hand or finger(s)? If so, please describe in detail what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way. 
I have, but mostly I like it as part of the build-up. It's just easier and more reliable if I do the last bit myself.

 3c. Have you ever orgasmed while a partner was stimulating you with a sex aid (a vibrator, dildo, feather - anything like that). If so, please describe in detail what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way.
No. I only got my first toys after I met my current boyfriend. We tried a little bit, but it just works so well when I do it myself.

3d. Have you ever orgasmed while grinding or rubbing against a partner's body? If so, please describe in detail what you need to do physically and what needs to physically happen to you in order to orgasm this way.
No. I have rubbed my vulva on my partner. It feels nice, but it is too indirect to make me orgasm. 

3e. Anything else you'd like to say about these activities in your sex life?
My boyfriend and I discovered the perfect way to make me orgasm. I lie on my stomach and hold my little vibrator on my clit in the same way as when I masturbate. My boyfriend lies beside me and pushes rhythmically and firmly with his thumb on the alleged g-spot area, and when I say firmly I mean as in "Are you sure I'm not hurting you? Are you really certain? I can't believe I'm not hurting you." I get an orgasm every time, and it's usually more powerful than anything I can get on my own.

3e Follow-up Questions 1 and 2 (answered together) 1. Did your orgasms that happened while there was pressure on your G-spot ever include any kind of ejaculation or 'squirting' or anything like that? 2. Have you ever experienced ejaculation or 'squirting'? If so, please explain the situations in detail. 
It has happened but I haven't really thought much about it. I don't know how often it happens. Sometimes everything gets really wet when I orgasm, but it's hard to tell if it's from ejaculating or just a lot of vaginal lubrication if no one sees it happen. I have been told that it looks like a little orgasm fountain. Partners tend to think it's a big deal, like a mark of their excellence as lovers. Maybe they have a point: every time I've been told about has been with g-spot pressure, and the orgasms have been significantly more powerful than average. (I wish everybody knew that vaginal lubrication is a bad indicator of how turned on you are.)

Follow-up to the Follow-up: So, you are saying that you have been told that it looks like a 'little orgasm fountain' when you orgasm. However, the only times you've been told that are when you have received the strong g-spot stimulation along with the clitoral stimulation. Is that correct? Also, is it correct that you haven't been told about a 'little orgasm fountain' or any other squirting/ejaculation during orgasms that did not include G-spot stimulation? Otherwise, you have noticed being very wet after an orgasm, but that could very well be vaginal lubrication - is that correct?
No partner has mentioned a fountain when there has been no pressure.

I just realized something: when I masturbate with a toy in my vagina I get some pressure, and occasionally there is a lot more wetness than usual after I orgasm. It is more water-like, not as slippery. It smells sweet, not like either urine or vaginal fluid. I always thought this was due to the toy stimulating extra lubrication, but maybe there has been an ejaculation? I really don't know. I never thought much about it before you asked.


3e Follow-up Questions 3: Also, can you explain in any more detail how your orgasms with lots of G-spot pressure differed from your orgasms without g-spot pressure?
This is a difficult question. There is a big difference, but how to describe it? The pressure orgasm is more full, more nuanced. My whole body is more involved. If it's a strong one I tend to scream out loud and my back and legs spasm. The first few times with my boyfriend's special technique he thought he had seriously injured me, for sure. Now we just have to be careful to shut the windows and scream into a pillow. I can force myself to be silent and still, but when I do it takes so much effort I can't fully enjoy the orgasm.

Orgasms without pressure are sharper and thinner. My body cramps rather than spasms. I don't make much noise either. This makes it sound like orgasms without pressure are inferior, and they kind of are, but also not. Chocolate analogy: quality is better than cheap, but sometimes the cheap stuff is what you crave. Music analogy: some music is complex and rewards the listener for making the effort, and some music is less complex but just as enjoyable in other ways.

If I'm without pressure and get stuck on the build-up plateau, pressure usually pushes me into the orgasm.

Sex And The City S1 E1-2: A Retro SSL Review

Share

Tweet

My new little segment is back for a another round (Here's the others). It's a modified, lazy version of an SSL Review. It's just me transcribing my notes, page by page, on all of the Sex and the City episodes. I watched them all - not necessarily in order - during 2007 and 2008, and I took notes on the depiction/discussion of female orgasm and female masturbation. It was my early attempt at this type of lady-gasm review stuff. Anyway, I never actually created reviews from these notes, but since they exist, I'd like to get them out there on the interwebs before they get burned in a house fire or something...thus this series.

Ramona and my SATC Notes

Anyway, the fun of this will be that I will transcribe these as word for word as I can while still trying to make it be a sensible read. I'll post a pick of the notes for your reference. I'll do one or more episodes at a time - from the beginning of the notebook to the end. I may add notes for clarification or add my SSL-Review-style comments.

Hopefully the notes I took privately 10 years ago won't make me look like a dumb asshole. I will add them in the TV SSL Review Master List  (of course you are also welcome to check out the Movie SSL Review Master List as well). Here we go.

Sex And The City Season 1 Episodes 1 and 2

Season 1 Episode 1
- Go have sex "like a man"  - meaning withouth feelings
-Carrie doing guy who was best sex of her life  - she orgasms off camera, he comes up from under covers. He says, "My Turn." She says, "no - gotta go." V.O says it was good especially without all the emotional shit.
    very good
Except - the dude sees Carrie later and says it's awesome that she understands the sex relationship he always wanted  - but in V.O. she says she doesn't get it.
-Samantha goes home with guy then he looks like he's going down on her.

Season 1 Episode 2
-Some dude Carrie's talking to showed her sex tapes w/ him and models, looks like porn - he's self-involved and the girls seem to be enjoying themselves.
-Samantha being fucked. They tape it - she's looking at the camera like he was (me: in the model videos).

My Thoughts
I actually just watched these episodes again recently with a friend, so I'm pretty familiar at this moment with what was happening in them. I really LOVED that when Carrie decided she should try to 'have sex like a man' they depicted it in what I think it the most important and kinda least discussed aspect of 'having sex like a man' - which is getting your orgasm without your partner not getting one.

She got her orgasm from a little oral and said - 'see ya.' I. Love. That.

They talked a lot about sex like a man being about lack of emotion, but I think that's just something this world tells itself to sooth the deep sad fact that men have the luxury of pursuing sex with the opposite sex just to get off and women really don't have that luxury...I mean we can, but it's just so fucking hard to do it.

We can get off, it's not like female bodies are less capable, It's just that the 'normal' sex scripts are not focused on the clitoral glans (which is what women need stimulated to orgasm) and uber-focused on the penis and intercourse (which is shit at getting women off). For a woman to orgasm with a man, she needs to be very specific and direct and have a man that doesn't get offended or confused in order to move past the basic not-great-for-lady-gasm sexual scripts that we all tend to just move through without much discussion. Plus, even if the guy is cool to try whatever and the gal is very clear and knows what to tell him to get her off, there's this weird thing where maybe being so specific and detailed and worrying how it might be received gets her into her head and out of her arousal, and maybe even if the guy is cool with it, it's not something in his normal sex toolbox and he feels a little in his head and out of his arousal as well.

I'm just saying it's an up-hill battle for women. However, for men, the normal sexual scripts, if everyone plays along - and we all often do, are great for his orgasm. And a vagina to put his dick in, even if there is no sexual skill in that woman with the vagina, is a FAB masturbation tool for a dick, so there's a lot going right for the dude-gasm.

Point is, I think it's a bunch of B.S. to pin the way men have sex on a lack of emotion. Men have the luxury of not having to focus so much on the emotional parts of sex because they, unlike women have the orgasmic parts of sex so available to them that they can hang their hats on that in a way women can't. That's the real story you should be writing about, Ms. Bradshaw. (but she doesn't, buy the end of the episode she just kinda ignores the whole orgasm aspect and brings it back to emotion - Blah)

Other than that - I liked seeing Samantha's sexual encounter allude to some cunnilingus. I just obviously appreciate 2 pussy-eatings in the first episodes in the first episode of a female centric TV show about sex.

Also, there was no orgasm in the model tapes or the Samantha and model-guy tape, so I can't really SSL review it. You're free to make your own thoughts up about it.

Inside Amy Schumer S3 Ep10 - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Inside Amy Schumer Season1 Episode 8
This show makes me laugh, and here's the best part - Amy Schumer tends to bring it when it comes to realism and female sexuality. She brought it in her movie Trainwreck, in The Joe Rogan Podcast, and largely in the other episodes of this show I've SSL Reviewed so far. She has shown a strong willingness to give the clit the glory it deserves, speak some truths about lady sex experiences, rep for actual lady-gasms - all things largely absent in media and also incredibly important to Orgasm Equality. (She could use some schooling and humbling when it comes to speaking about race though - but that's pretty true of a lot of us).

The SSL Reviewable
There is plenty to SSL Review in this show. And for those that don't yet know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussions or depictions of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I focus on that and really only that (unless I want to talk about something else). I'm looking mainly at realism and about how the depiction/discussion plays in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and women's sexuality.

Please, my friends, do enjoy more SSL Reviews for MOVIES and TV SHOWS.

Cave of Wonders

The scene in question here (It's embedded below if you'd like to watch it) is one in which Amy is in bed with a dude - seems like a hook up of some sort.

Dude: My God you're so hot. Let me go down on you please.
Amy: Yeah, but I should give you a heads up. It takes me a while.
Dude: I don't mind. 

Amy: Have at it.

He goes under the covers, and we see him crawling under them towards her junk (This is clearly an exaggerated depiction of going under the covers and making your way towards lady parts). He gets to it, and he's looking at it in amazement. A glow is coming from it.

Dude: (amazed) what the...

Above the covers she's just chill in the bed. We don't see him because he's under the covers. She starts reads a long Russian novel.

Back under the covers, it's like he's walked into her vagina. It's a soft, childish pink cave-like set. He finds a lantern, takes it, goes up to a skeleton holding a map. As he takes the map, the skeleton's head falls off, and he screams.
In the meantime, Amy is eating chinese take-out and complaining to the restaurant about the order on the phone.
We cut back to a shot of the dude with, like, the cosmos flying past his head. He's looking ahead and says,

Dude: My god. It's full of stars.

It cuts to Amy's face. She's breathing out a simple orgasm, then says

Amy: Wooo

 As he's popping up from under the covers, she says

Amy: Oh my god, that was so good. You wanna have sex.

He's aged at least 40 years.

Dude: Hey listen huh, this was great, but I gotta be up early in the morning, so I'll just let myself out.

She's slightly surprised, but says okay and it ends.

The Labor Of Lady-Oral
This skit reinforces incorrect stereotypes
This is a tough one for me to give a clear SSL Review on because it's a bit mixed. On one hand it reinforces all the the somewhat problematic ideas our culture has about about ladygasms and cunnilingus....that it takes a really long time (he ages 40 years), that it is incredibly difficult (people died and turned to bones trying to figure it out in the past), that it's incredibly complicated (he needs a map), and it's a mystical event (I mean, he said it's full of stars...which now that I think of it must be what they're referring to in romance novel lady-gasms where women are shattering into a thousand pieces and becoming one with the universe when they come...right?). It's really none of those things, and the ignorance about the quite normal and not-really-any-different-from-male qualities of female orgasm and female stimulation to orgasm is a huge reason why there is such an orgasm gap.

It also makes fun of them...
On the other hand this skit really exaggerates these things in a way that pokes fun at them. The fascination with the exhausting journey / mysticism of cunnilingus and the female orgasm in this skit is all in the mind of the dude, not Amy. She's just, like, chillin' and shit. It ain't no thing to her. She's just living the dream of eating take-out whilst getting ate out, and when she comes, it's just, ya know, an orgasm. It's not some mind-blowing spectacle like we see in porn, read about in romance novels, or hear about from spiritual /goddess gurus and so many hip sexual advisers. It's just an orgasm. Like, an orgasm is cool and all, but it's no more complicated or awe-inspiring than a male orgasm. Some muscle tension gets released in a rhythmic fashion, and it usually feels pretty good. That's it.

I, in a way, read Amy's casualness with her orgasm in this skit as a realistic counter to the dude's ridiculous fascination; as if to point out how unnecessarily built up the myth and confusion is around lady-gasms and pussy-eating; to make fun of the obscene complications our culture artificially presses on women's ability to orgasm (seriously, it's not physically/biologically more complicated for women than it is for men...except that there's so much ignorance around how it works that it is actually hard for women to get and sustain the physical stimulation they need to actually orgasm).

My point is, I imagine that part of the intention with this skit was to make fun of how unnecessarily scared and ignorant men are of stimulating women to orgasm and how over-dramatic and frankly wrong we all are about the power and spirituality and complicated nature of female orgasm.

...but most people probably only take in the incorrect stereotypes
However, I also think that overall to most people it just emphasizes the already strongheld, but incorrect and harmful assumptions that the female orgasm is complicated, takes forever, and that performing oral sex to orgasmic completion on a woman is like doing brain surgery....a brain surgery that ends in a mystical, elusive, event known as an female orgasm. I just think it puts these ideas deeper into the cultural consciousness.

Which is bullshit because really oral sex for men and women is just like, ya know, getting the genitals aroused and then stimulating the clit area / penis with the consistency and the personally preferred firmness and movement until the muscles release into an orgasm. It's like no big deal, and it is never, ever full of stars.

The Vulva Rating
I am going to give this skit a complete middle of the road 3 vulvas because I think its heart is in the right place, and I like the casual realness Amy displays regarding her orgasm, but I don't think it puts out an overall message that contributes clearly to orgasm equality since it relies so heavily on stereotypes about lady-gasms and lady-licking. I like the skit generally though :)

(!)(!)(!)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjuIP4BPV6E

Big Little Lies - The SSL Review

Share

Tweet

Big Little Lies
Big Little Lies is an HBO miniseries with a preview that intrigued me enough to make a point in watching it. Plus, I have a thing about Reese Witherspoon. I'll always be willing to watch whatever she's in because I think she brings it, and even if it's kind of a crappy piece, her being in it will make it a little better. I feel the same way about Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Deal with it.

Anyway, I watched it. The preview is a bit misleading, which is fine. I kinda don't like to know exactly what I'm getting into. I liked this show. It was a good ride, and I don't want to ruin it too much with my SSL Review. So I'm going to be vague when I can, but there were 4 SSL Reviewable situations I'll be going over. Also, this should be the only season, because it was a completed miniseries, but of course there are rumors the author of this book the series was based on is writing a second season.

SSL Review
As always, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of the depiction or discussion of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I'm particularly looking for the level of physical realism and for how the depiction/discussion fits into the larger cultural discussion about female sexuality and orgasm. Sometimes I comment on other aspects of the movie. Sometimes I don't.

Please feel free to check out all the SSL Reviewed movies HERE and the SSL reviews TV shows HERE.

Real Rough Sex: S1 Ep2
Celeste (Nicole Kidman) gets slapped by her husband Perry (Alexander Skarsgard). She slaps him back, and then he pushes her hard against a wall, hurting her. He immediately starts to apologize and drops to his knees in front of her saying he's sorry and making excuses. He starts touching her and she pushes him away, and then he grabs both her hands and they sort of scuffle. It's aggressive, but almost looks like they're playing. He get ups and starts kissing her, and she is still kind of fighting back, but also she unbuttons his pants.

He aggressively turns her to face the wall and pushes her up against it, pulling his and her pants down just enough to enter her. He starts pounding her, and she begins to make orgasm sounds. It is over and they both seem to have come in under 10 seconds. She turns back around toward him, looks anywhere but in his eyes, squirms out from between him and the wall, and walks to look out the window, seemingly still kinda pissed. He slumps forward sort of regretfully.

Later she is having dinner with a friend, Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), and they are talking about a problem in Madeline's marriage, but it moves to Celeste and Perry.

Madeline: Are you telling me you and Perry don't ever fight?
Celeste: No, we do...sometimes.
Madeline: And then do you run off to therapy afterward?
Celeste: (chuckles) More often than not we end up having sex.
Madeline: Really?
Celeste: Yes. It starts with anger. I don't...it's complicated. sometimes I think he likes to fight because it leads to sex. Sometimes I think I like it too.
Madeline: How often does this happen?
Celeste: Happens...enough.
Madeline: I have to say, Celeste, that sounds a little bit twisted, but kind of great.
Celeste: yeah (laughing)

My Review
First things first. The sex that was happening in this scene didn't look like something that would realistically cause a woman to orgasm. You know what I'm gonna say here if you've ever read my blog before. Women need external clitoral/vuvla stimulation in order to orgasm. The in-out stimulation in the vag alone ain't likely gonna do the trick. In this situation, her vulva was not pressed up against anything that might be giving it stimulation while she was getting banged. Neither of them had a hand on it. She just came from intercourse, and quickly, I might add. So, physically, this was just unrealistic.

However, I think you might easily interpret this as her faking though. She still seems pissed once it is done, and I think one could look at this as her doing what she knows she needs to do to deescalate the situation; fuck and come for him. Then again, it gets murky because she says to her friend later that she "thinks she might like it too." I feel like that gives the audience the impression that she really was turned on by it and her orgasm was supposed to be a real one.

I actually think the larger arch of this character and her relationship to this guy weigh in on this. This early scene here makes it seem a bit like they may be mutually masochistic, but I think her story becomes a much more complicated depiction of a person in a violent relationship. We see her rationalize and bounce between her understanding of the situation, and to me with that larger picture, I feel like this was her doing what she needed to do, like I discussed above. However, I'm cognizant that most people don't obsessively detail out depictions of female orgasm in their minds and assess and re-assess them. So, I think to many viewers, this might also be another of many scenes they have watched showing a woman getting fucked to orgasm, and it will gently sit among all the others in their head with little follow-up thought.

I guess that means I think overall this was an actually quite complicated, delicate piece of a larger story about sex in this relationship, but what it may mean to most people in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm is simply a reiteration of the status quo feeling that women can come from a good banging.

Skype Sex: S1 Ep 2
Later that night, She is skyping with Perry who has gone away on business. sexing and starts to put her hand on her vulva

Perry: Hey will you do me a favor?
Celeste: What?
Perry: Take that beautiful robe off for a second.
Celeste: The boys are waiting for me downstairs.
Perry: Yeah, well, I have to help myself go to sleep. You need to help me help myself.
Celeste: Do I, now?
Perry: Let me just look at my gorgeous wife for a second...ten seconds.
Celeste: I'll give you five (begins taking off her robe.
Perry: Wow, what a nice five.
Celeste: She gives a quick show, pulls up shirt and shows her boobs.
Celeste: Okay, that's enough naughty boy. You'll have to come home sooner if you want more.

Then later that night, we see her with her computer on the bed skyping him again. He's naked under the sheet, and reaches under to start masturbating. She does a little strip from her robe to a little satin nightie shorts/camisole thing. She reaches her hand down her shorts to her vuvla area. They are quick shots, but the last one is her on her knees on the bed, clearly rubbing her vulva area with little moans.

My Review
So, this is a complicated one too that continues the arch of our evolving understanding of her sexual relationship with this guy. The depiction is not as complicated as the one before though because she's masturbating...or about to, and she seems to be doing in a physically realistic way. The only thing we can really tell is that her hand is generally on her vulva, but that's good enough. That's the place one would stimulate to get herself to orgasm, and we don't see her doing anything that looks like she's imitating intercourse or anything. It's physically realistic.

I like that we are seeing a woman masturbate.  To me any time that happens, lady-bation gets a little more normalized, and more women will feel less silly or embarrassed or ashamed to try it. I believe the more women do it, the more women will understand as they go into partnered sex, how they orgasm which will give a much better chance of molding that partnered sex into something that might be orgasmic for a woman.

Shower Oral: S1 E3
Celeste is in the shower. Her and Perry had a fight earlier. He brings a huge diamond necklace in to her and puts it around her neck. Then we see a bust shot of her clearly getting pleasure from down below, and then a far away shot through the glass shower, clearly showing him knelt down giving her oral sex while she is standing with one leg over his shoulder.

My Review
Again with this couple, there is all the baggage and complication we discussed above, but this time, the physical thing happening to her is something that could physically cause her to orgasm - because, nothing says lady-gasm like a mouth on a clit. So, this is realistic, and it depicts a dude going down on a lady. I always applaud that because the more we see something the more we might mimic it, and cunnilingus is certainly something I approve mimicking. (I mean, we see enough blow jobs, amIright? We could use a little balance out there in the media).

Loud AF Office Sex: S1 Ep3
Renata (Laura Dern) and her husband (Jeffery Nordling) end up having sex in his office bathroom (like, he has a huge office and this is his private bathroom in it). Before they do it, she says with a sly smile that they can't because people will hear, saying to him, "you know how I get." When we cut back to them, it's clear the whole office can hear. They are both super loud. She is sitting on the bathroom counter, skirt on. He's standing fucking her. He's really banging into her. It's really not grindy at all. She's screaming, "Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me to the moon and back."  Then they finish. With their final intensity increasing to a peak before they collapse against each other, it really seems like they were depicted as orgasming simultaneously.

My Review
Man, I don't know. It might just be me, but I'm real poo-poo about being super loud during sex. To each her own, but like, I feel it takes extra effort to yell and scream and project your voice - shit that takes your mind off your junk getting stimulated and onto your 'performance'. It just doesn't seem very orgasm conducive to me. And honestly, men don't do that loud shit much at all - not in porn or in real life, and they almost always come during sex. I mean some sounds and breaths and the ol' kinda involuntary vocalization/breath that might happen as you're orgasming makes sense to me, but all the yelling? I guess arousal is a very personal thing, and some people might really get excited by yelling, who knows?  I'm just not that down with it, and you're reading this blog, so you have to listen to me spout off about it.

Which brings me to this: I think her orgasm in this scene is fake as hell, but I don't think it was meant to be, and that's not great. I think she's faking because nothing seemed to be touching her clit vulva area. He's banging into her. He's not grinding at all, and certainly not in a way that her clit/vulva area could make contact, much less consistent contact withanyhing on his body. She's just getting the inside of her vagina stimulated. Again, not great for an orgasm. His loud ass bullshit is gross to me too, but at least I know his whole penis is encompassed in a warm wet place that is uber-conducive to a man having an orgasm, so there's no reason he should be faking his.

Anyway, this fictional couple is, as so many real hetero couples all over thee world, having sex that is only really conducive to male orgasm, but the female acts as though she is orgasming as well. Why? Well, there's lots of reasons and most of us have used at least one of them: because we think we should; because we think the excitement and pleasure of the situation is good enough to vocalize in that way; because we know it won't end if we don't orgasm and the only way we'll orgasm in that situation is to fake it; because we assume what's happening is an orgasm, or a different kind of orgasm; because we want to show our appreciation to the guy fucking us or maybe just don't want to make him feel bad; because we feel like it; because it's fun to act wild and sexy.

Whatever it is, it does happen all the time, and this is just another depiction of that. It, like all the other depictions out there like this, serves to reiterate something false in our minds - that other women do orgasm that way, and that it is expected and normal for women to orgasm from nothing more than a dick in the vaigna.

The Vulva Rating
This is a very mixed review, but overall this series adds to the impression that women orgasm from the ol' in and out. I'll give some points for depicting cunnilingus and the start of a woman masturbating, but I don't think this does anything to move forward on orgasm equality, and might even help to keep us stagnant. I give this 2 out of 5 vulvas.

(!)(!)