Ribbed for Her Pleasure on the Interwebs: F'd Up Shit

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Last post I wrote about 'Ribbed For Her Pleasure' condoms and how ridiculous it is to believe that the ribbing on those condoms could help out in any way with her orgasm - which I argue is part of what is meant by and understood in the word 'pleasure.' I explain it in the post HERE, but basically the big point is that rubbing and/or pressing against the vaginal wall, like a penis does during intercourse is not something that sensibly seems like it should cause orgasm based on, you know, anatomy ALSO, no orgasm has ever been physically recorded in scientific literature from this kind of stimulation. That's just the truth, and so it's plain bonkers to assert that a little texture on the condom surrounding the penis would somehow increase the non-existent chances of banging the vaginal wall into an orgasm. Like I said, I discuss this (and inside-out penises in case you're interested) more in the original post.

Why I'm writing this post, however, is because I saw some funny/sad/poignant things in a couple of the websites I found while writing that other post. I was just looking around for what kinds of things people were saying about ribbed condoms, and there they were. I would have liked to sprinkle them into the original post, but I also wanted to keep that post short and sweet (which for me is still fairly long and not that sweet).

Anyway, that's why we're here so let me just share a few of these.

11 Ribbed and Textured Condoms That’ll Actually Get You Excited About Condom Shopping
This is a online Cosmo article by Carina Hsieh from June 27, 2019

It's tagged with "You'll never go back to regular condoms after this." You probably will, though. Firstly because ribbed condoms are bullshit, but also because this article is almost completely just a list of different ribbed condoms with a description of what they look like and their prices. There's no testimonials or anything that in any way work to convince you that ribbed condoms are somehow an extra great way to do intercourse. It's like a big advertisement for all the condom companies that advertise on the Cosmo website.

To be fair though, she does lead in with a tiny bit of a generic ad for ribbing in general. It's not enough to convince anyone to buy ribbed condoms, but it is enough to be completely weird and incorrect.

So it's in the very first lines of the very first paragraph of the article. It's the only discussion of ribbing that's not basically just descriptions of texture and the first line is this:

"Since most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not penetration alone, every extra bit of friction can only help you in that regard. While ribbed condoms might seem like a gimmick, the texture and added friction on the surface can actually provide some clutch clitoral stimulation to bring you to orgasm."

This is bonkers to me, not surprising or unique or really even backward in relation to other orgasm writing, but still bonkers. So, let's break this down.

THE GOOD
She acknowledged that most women need clit stim to come. Much appreciated, but honestly that is basic. It really should be just baseline knowledge for a sex-writer - particularly in a woman's magazine - because in surveys this is consist, and it's kind of an undeniable truth. Unfortunately, many pieces of writing don't even acknowledge that, but it is customary for any progressive lady-sex writing to mention it.

THE BAD
However, like almost all of, even quite progressive, writing on lady-gasm, the writing up there also leaves that sense that still some women do orgasm from just vaginal stimulation alone (which is not an anatomically or evidence based thought and probably isn't true). It also seems to insinuate that ribbing helps women who only orgasm clitorally to become more orgasmic through penetration alone. It doesn't say how in any sensible way, and thus seems to me to have no actual, concrete idea of how orgasm physically works. That's a problem, but it's also just weird.

THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE
So, how exactly will "every extra bit of friction help you in that regard?" What regard? The regard that I can't orgasm from penetrations?

Also, how exactly is the texture on the condom supposed to provide any "clutch clitoral stimulation?" Condoms work the vagina, not the clit. Is the condom covered dick going to pop out and start rubbing the clitoral glans?

And, riddle me this? If a woman can't come from penetration alone, but the 'texture and added friction' on a condom, which we can only assume will be touching her during penetration is supposed to help her come, is the insinuation that she (and maybe all women) actually can come from penetration alone - but only if she has enough friction?

Is that the regard this is helping us in? And if so, are we ladies supposed to assume that ribbing is some magic thing that somehow gives us the clitoral stimulation we need without actually touching our clit, thus allowing us to have our clit orgasms but somehow magically through penetration? If you think about it at all, it's a confusing nonsensical mess of a statement up there.

THE REASONING, MAYBE?, THAT IS ALSO INCOMPREHENSIBLE
My best guess is that she's referring to the hip new (and scientifically unfounded idea) that women can come from penetration clitorally because the penis sort of presses through the vaginal walls against the clitoral legs that are on either side of the vagina. There are a couple scientific studies on this that people like to reference (with individuals and with a couple), that neither prove orgasms can happen from penetration alone nor prove that pressing the clitoral legs might cause an orgasm at all. However it suggests it maybe, might, possibly, could be the cause of vaginal orgasm (which, let's be reminded, is not even an 'orgasm' that has actually been identified physically) and that's been enough to allow anyone and their mama to believe that clitoral leg pressing through the vagina during banging is the proven way that these 'vag-gasms' happen. This explanation of a 'type' of orgasm that hasn't even been observed has taken over for the g-spot explanation that was equally silly but just as popular through the 80's up until a few years ago.

Point is I don't know what this writer is getting at because even if she has this clit-leg mechanism in mind, texture on the condom ain't gonna help because it's about pressure not tactile sensation. 

The clitoral glans and surrounding tissue (which is what needs to be stimulated for a woman to orgasm) is very much not the inside of the vagina, and that statement up there is very much confused about anatomy and what is physically needed for a woman to orgasm, but it's also not surprising because most people, even progressive sexperts, are confused about that. It doesn't make it any less bonkers though.

BUT, I STILL LIKE COSMO
Now, I know Cosmo is traditionally an easy target for harsh, sarcastic feminist critique. It's seen as dumb and irrelevant (and sometimes hilarious) when it comes to sex advice, but that is not my take. Honestly, I think minus some of the more wildly hilarious position suggestions, it's sensibility is right on par with the larger culture and even the sex-positive culture. You know; Sex is good. You should not fake. Most women need clit stimulation, but coming from getting banged is a thing.

Cosmo is not much different from any sex positive sexpert - even though the progressive sex writers would love to believe they are. None of them really get that there is no reason to believe a 'vaginal orgasm' exists and tend to just (maybe unintentionally) reinforce that vaginal orgasms are attainable and sometimes even desirable. In fact, I would actually say that one of the best clit-focused sexpert writing I've seen is from Jill Hamilton doing Cosmo Sex Position Lists. She gets it and tries her damnedest to point out that women need clitoral glans area stimulation to come. So, I'll go ahead and say I'd like to see better from Cosmo because I know they can do it.

Are Ribbed Condoms Worth It? An Experiment
A BroBible article written by Aimee Porter about 6 years ago

The article was about the writer Aimee seeing ribbed condoms in the pharmacy by chance and realizing that she's been off condoms for so long that she had missed this boom of 'for her pleasure' products out there. She wondered if they really work.

If you’re banging, you know condoms are a necessary evil (use them or get herpes!). And I imagine there are many of you who have been suckered into ponying up for the ribbed stuff in the hopes that it’ll send your girl into mind-blowing orgasms the likes of which she’s never previously known. So, are those orgasms even possible? Right then and there, I decided to find out.

So, for this article, she bought a pleasure pack and enlisted her boyfriend to help her try them out. He wasn't excited about it, but he did it. There were 4 types, 3 ribbed styles and one warming lube. The first ribbed one was so not-ribbed she could barely feel the ribbing with her fingers when she ran them across it, so she didn't even bother. She tried the 2nd, The Sensations, and then during the intercourse switched it to the 3rd, The Intense.

The Intense had even more ribs than the Sensations, but yet, I didn’t get much of anything from it, either. At that point, my boyfriend came, so we tabled the Warming condom for later review. But I couldn’t help but feel extremely disappointed. Would any of these things make me feel something other than just, you know, gettin’ banged?

They later tried the heated lubricant one and it burned her vag - so they stopped.

I was down for the count. I tried to give my boyfriend a handjob as a consolation prize, but after a while he told me to stop. It was clear my heart just wasn’t in it. (Can you blame me? My lady parts had just been pan-seared!)

So, for her this condom test continued her tradition of unorgasmic banging and dialed in somewhere between meh and burned vagina. But how did her boyfriend describe his ribbed condom experience after he busted nut in one up inside her?

And for the record, what did my boyfriend feel? “I felt like I was having sex with a condom on,” he said. “It sucked.”

Really? fucking your girlfriend until you came 'sucked'? Really? That's how this dude would describe it?

Let me just put that into perspective. A woman has sex, ribbed condom or not and unfortunately she still does not "feel something other than just, you know, gettin’ banged?" - i.e. she doesn't orgasm condom, ribbing, or bareback. But, yeah, HIS experience sucked. She gets a penis rammed in her over and over, week after week through a long term relationship and NEVER COMES. EVER. But, he has to put a condom on his dick while he rams it in her, and as it always is, week after week through a whole long-term relationship, it's arousing and stimulating enough the his pelvic muscle spasm in orgasm and his penis spurts out semen in ejaculation, but "It sucked."

That my friends says, so, so much about the male vs. the female experience of sex. How desperately low lady expectations are, how strangely normal it all seems for women to have sex with no orgasm, and how invisible this insanely striking difference is for someone with a penis.

Ladies, we need higher expectations. We deserve our partner to feel so bad after they stop sex before we orgasm because their penis is burning that they come back from the bathroom to give us a half-hearted handie too.

Ribbed For Her Pleasure Is Some Next Level Bullshit

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I don't know when the campaign started or which company started it, but at some point in my teens my best friend and I heard or read the "Ribbed For Her Pleasure" condom marketing scheme. To this day, the word 'ribbed' cannot be said in our presence without having to also say 'for her pleasure.' I doubt we're alone in that. We just found it funny - ya know being teenagers and stuff, but the whole thing is really interesting to me now as an adult woman that spends her time writing and thinking about the incredibly fucked up culture around female orgasm.

I mean just out of the blue sky of culture we were fed the idea that the texture of the latex wrapping on a penis would somehow tickle the insides of our vaginas in such a way that it would intensify our 'pleasure' (i.e. orgasm). This idea only makes sense in a world where it is understood as common knowledge that the stimulation a woman gets inside her vagina during intercourse is something that causes physical pleasure and likely orgasm.

 And let me step back here and acknowledge that the marketing line technically says nothing about orgasm. It merely says it'll help with pleasure and really that could mean anything to anybody. If the use of that ribbed condom made the receiving woman a little extra excited because it seemed a little dirtier, a little more risque and naughty, then I guess it did do its part in increasing her pleasure. However, I'm going forward with the assumption that the word 'pleasure' was chosen with the idea of orgasm wrapped within it, and also that when the public hears the word 'pleasure' in this context they too wrap the idea of orgasm in it. Now that's a leap, yes, but I think a small one. The word 'pleasure' is regularly (much too regularly) interchanged with the word orgasm when it comes to women, even though they are different things. I would argue that most people would assume one means the other in the context of ladies and sex without even giving it a second thought, and so to me the tone and insinuation of the marketing campaign is that ribbed condoms can help a woman orgasm, and I'm going to discuss it from that perspective.

Okay, let me say that sentence up there again. This idea only makes sense in a world where it is understood as common knowledge that the stimulation a woman gets inside her vagina during intercourse is something that causes physical pleasure and likely orgasm. To dig in a little deeper here, let's remind ourselves that the ribbed condom is just a thin latex condom that has texture - different kinds of texture, but just texture none the less. For 'Ribbed For Her Pleasuree' to make sense you kind of need to think of the vagina like an inside out penis (as if we were anatomist in the 17th Century). When you think of it that way, it really does make sense. The skin of the penis is full of nerves that when stimulated are related to orgasm, and one might imagine it could feel texture rubbed against it and the person attached to it might enjoy that variety of texture. Relate that to the vagina, as if the inner walls of the vagina are full of sensitive nerves related to orgasm, and yeah, the extra texture rubbed against it might heighten the stimulation of these supposed orgasm-creation-nerves in the vagina.

Big problem here though. The vagina is absolutely not anatomically an inside out penis. Wouldn't it be awesome if it was though? Wouldn't it be easy if the male organ of sexual pleasure stroked and got stroked by the female organ of sexual pleasure during intercourse?...if the lady-orgasm nerve tissue was directly rubbing the dude-orgasm nerve tissue during p-in-v banging? If that were the case, I imagine hetero couple sex would be much more like the hetero sex we see in porn (spoiler alert - a lot of fake ladygasms!), movies, tv, and written erotica -  where sticking a dick in a vag is like orgasm central for the ladies.

But, that's not the case, is it? Only about 30% of women claim to orgasm at all, ever during intercourse.* Think of how much intercourse most hetero women have in their life. That's some sad, unfair shit if you really think about it.

But back to the vagina not being an inside out penis. It's really solidly not, although we as a culture clearly like to think of it that way even if it's kind of a non-logical subconscious way to think of it. The clit is the thing that is anatomically related to the penis, and specifically the clitoral glans and surrounding tissue carry orgasm-related nerve endings like are found in the penis.

So, I'll make this clear, the vagina is not only not an inside out penis anatomically, but very unlike the penis, stimulation to the walls of the vagina don't cause orgasm. I should be more precise when I say that. The vagina does not have any element in it that has been shown to cause orgasm when stimulated and orgasm (which means rhythmic release of pelvic muscle tension and blood congestion brought on by arousal. I'm not using orgasm in the flim-flamsy 'something that feels climaxy to you' way) caused by stimulation on the inside of the vagina has never been physically recorded in scientific literature. So, like, banging a woman to orgasm is a bunch of bullshit, bullshit we women buy into as well but bullshit none the less, and thinking that adding some ribbing will help make a sex act that has no physical reason to cause orgasm, magically increase orgasmic potential is extra bullshit. More info about the anatomy relations between male and female genitals is HERE, and more info about why I am adamant that assuming vag-stimulation will cause orgasm is ridiculous is HERE. And, before you ask, because I know it's the new hot way to try and explain why people claim vaginal orgasm exist when physically there is no sense to that - there is also no evidence and really no anatomical reason to assume that a penis pressing against the clitoral legs that kind of surround the vagina would stimulate orgasm either - and btw even if it did, the ribbing on a condom would have nothing to do with that. Also, stimulation, and really specifically pressure not just tactile stimulation, of the 'G-spot' (female prostate) has been shown in scientific literature to stimulate ejaculation in some women, but it has never been shown to cause orgasm (orgasm and ejaculation are 2 different things just like in men), so don't count on latex ribbing stimulating the g-spot to orgasm either.

All that to say, unless you're using the condom as a glove to rub her clit, the idea that condoms with some texture on them could improve a woman's ability to orgasm is the biggest bullshit. But, the craziest thing is not how scientifically ridiculous the idea is, but how easily that ridiculous notion fits into the ridiculous and deeply embedded narrative of how women 'should' orgasm - from getting banged. Because, even though we might know it's not true, wouldn't it still be nice if the vagina were an inside out penis?  Wouldn't it be convenient for us women to do the sex act men seem to want the most and also be able to orgasm without having to bother our poor partner in any way by making sure the clit, our organ of sexual pleasure, also gets stimulated?


* (I use the 30% number, for amount of omen that orgasm from penetration, but it's not what you think, and it's likely not an indication many women if any at all can orgasm from stimulation of the inside of the vagina. Here's my post about the background of that %. 

Inside Amy Schumer S2 Ep3: The SSL Review

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Inside Amy Schumer Season 2 Episode 3
This show makes me laugh, and here's the best part - Amy Schumer tends to bring it when it comes to realism and female sexuality. She brought it in her movie Trainwreck, in The Joe Rogan Podcast, and largely in the other episodes of this show I've SSL Reviewed so far. She has shown a strong willingness to give the clit the glory it deserves, speak some truths about lady sex experiences, rep for actual lady-gasms - all things largely absent in media and also incredibly important to Orgasm Equality. (She could use some schooling and humbling when it comes to speaking about race though - but that's pretty true of a lot of us).

The SSL Reviewable
There is plenty to SSL Review in this show. And for those that don't yet know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussions or depictions of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I focus on that and really only that (unless I want to talk about something else). I'm looking mainly at realism and about how the depiction/discussion plays in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and women's sexuality.

Please, my friends, do enjoy more SSL Reviews for MOVIES and TV SHOWS.

Prom The Right Way
This one will be a really quick SSL Review, and it's maybe not even technically SSL Review eligible, but i think it's close enough. It talks about getting eaten out,and that is close enough to clits and lady-gasms.

This is a skit where Amy decides to go to prom with a kid as charity. You know, like how Ronda Rousey went to prom with that Marine that asked her out online. all you need to know, though about this skit is the following:

She's all dressed up and she opens her cabinet and grabs a bunch of condoms from a basket marked "condoms" and then says, "Wait, he's still in high school." So, she puts those back and grabs from a basket marked dental dams and says, "Well, I hope this kid's ready to eat a shit ton of pussy."

My Thoughts
What can one say about this. Listen, I know it's wrong for adults to take sexual advantage of underage teens. I get that. It's not a laughing matter, but then again, it's joked about all the time with dudes and young gals. Sure, the dudes in these jokes are made out to be skeezes, but the jokes are still there. Like the first thing that pops into my head is Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused. He has a classic line: "That's what I love about these High School girls, man. I get older. They stay the same age. Yes, they do."



So, it's not so bad to have a joke with a skeezy woman lusting after high school boys. It's evening the playing field....which I actually kind of appreciate.

Of course, I would have liked it even better if her first thought hadn't been condoms (insinuating intercourse, obviously), and instead had been getting her pussy ate from jump. However, that she brought the oral in at all is excellent in my humble opinion. Anytime an unabashed desire for getting one's lady-junk licked is put out there in the world, it gets a little more normalized, which I think, leads to more ladies asking for it and more men giving it away freely.

So thanks Amy, you skeezy fuck.

Vulva Rating
There's nothing revolutionary here, and it is a little illegal-ish, so this will get a solid, but not perfect 4 out of 5 vulvas.

(!)(!)(!)(!)

Advice to Olympians About Sexy Time in Sochi

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It’s still early in the Olympics. A lot of the athletes haven’t competed yet, and I imagine for now they want to stay focused, so there probably hasn’t been a lot of hook-ups yet. There will be though. Oh, there will be. How could there not be? You have a bunch of mostly 20-somethings in the best shape of their lives, either riding a high or wanting to forget a loss. Oh – and the accents.

The Olympics are a perfect crossroads for a little hanky panky, and the winter Olympics especially because of the whole “getting warm” thing, ya know.

Anyway, here’s my unsolicited advice to all the Winter Olympians wanting to take advantage of this sweet spot of a sexy situation. Ready?...MUTUAL MASTURBATION. I know. It’s always my go to, but hear me out.

• Unless you brought condoms and dental damns from home, you’re going to have to rely on these things from whatever random country your partner of choice is from. Or, you’d have to use Russian ones. You don’t know how these Soviet era contraptions are gonna work. For all you know, they could just be sandwich bags dipped in vodka (so the ethanol in the vodka can kill the sperm or something – I don’t know.) Point is, best to do something that avoids this issue all together.
• You’d  be in charge of your own junk, so everyone’s sure to come. Gold metals all around!
• But wait, you could also make it a competition. We all know you Olympians are competitive people, so a race to the finish might get your ‘down there’ blood pumpin' just right.
• How often do you get to rub your lady/gentleman parts while taking in a full on view of a perfectly sculpted, top level athlete working themselves into a sexy heated mess? Seriously, that’s a beautiful thing. Plus, imagine them speaking dirty nothings to you in a foreign language or a suave accent. It’s like the best live porn ever. If you were all up in eachother’s grill doing the normal ol’ sex stuff, you’d miss the unencumbered view. Take advantage.
• You can get a little practice/workout while you’re doing it. Part of the fun is the show you’d be putting on. Yes, you’d be looking at a perfect specimen, but remember you’re a perfect specimen too. Throw in some of those muscle rippling warm-ups you do or pull your leg up over your head to stretch out. Your new friend will thank you, and you’ll be all the more fit for it.
• No unintended ice-skating-ski-jumping super babies

Take my advice or leave it, but I think you athletes would do well to consider a little mutual masturbation on your Sochi down time. Go team MM!

P.S I'd like to thank my AnC Movies partners, Charlie and Barnaby for suggesting, while we all watched the Olympics yesterday, that I write something about all the nasty that is surely going on.