Match - The SSL Review

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Match - The Movie

So, I wouldn't blame you if you hadn't seen this move. It was pretty independent and low budget, and it's based on a play, so it's one of those movies that were obviously a play because it has like 2 sets and a lot of dialogue. 

All that said, I was into it. And, it's not just that it stars Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise, who I've had a heavy crush on since the 80's when I started watching him and Data and all the fab starship crew. It helped, obviously, but I actually think Patrick Stewart usually for real brings it to a role. Anyway, I liked the movie, and he said one thing in it that makes it SSL Reviewable. It's super simple and barely SSL Reviewable, but I just wanted to write about my Jean-Luc saying something I would like to think he actually says in real life. Also, somewhat recently Patrick Stewart married a brunette white lady, who is not famous and my age, so I feel like I missed out on my true path somehow. 

An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

 

Eat ME Out, Captain

So, I won't give away anything about the plot of the movie, because I don't want to spoil anything. It's that kind of movie. What I can tell you is the my Jean-Luc plays Tobi, a high-end ballet teacher at Julliard that back in the day used to live the good dancer life. He tells some stories of the old days, and in one he says:

Tobi Powell: God, I used to love to perform cunnilingus. Sorry, too much information. 

Lisa Davis: Uh... no. 

Tobi Powell: I was actually quite good at it. A little like the slip stitch knitting that I would later take up, over and under... mark thumb placement in the gap between needles, [both laughing a little] 

Tobi Powell: break yarn, thread tail, draw up, fasten off...I've offended you. 

Lisa Davis: No, uh... just catches me a bit off guard. 

Tobi Powell: Well, most good cunnilingus conversations do.

I mean, I'm gonna give this a good vulva rating - not the very best, but good. It wasn't like anything super amazing was said here. It wasn't like there was an incredibly progressive discussion about how banging a vagina was not a good or even slightly sensible way to get a lady-gasm. It was just a dude talking about how he enjoys eating out pussy, but ya know what? We could use more of that, so I will celebrate it a little. I do believe each year the idea that pussies (or if you want to call them by their proper name, Vulvas) should be eaten as much as dicks are sucked, grows the tiniest bit, but we still have a long, long way to go. The Oral Sex Gap is sadly very much still alive and well, and certainly a no small part in the overall Orgasm Equality Gap. 

The more we hear people in the media say they like cunnilingus; the more we hear women saying they masturbate; the more we see the clit being rubbed out or a vibe used on the vulva during a fuck; the more we hear a woman say she expects her clit to be as involved in the sex act as much as the penis is, the more normalized all those things will be, and that's a big part of what's needed if we ever want lady-gasms to be as prominent in sex as dude-gasms. 

So, thank you Jean-Luc. I'm going to masturbate tonight to you cunnilingussing me. 4 out of 5 vulvas from me.

(!)(!)(!)(!)

Rejuvenation of the Orgasm Equality Spirit, My People

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Hello out there. As you are aware, and as I point out in pretty much all of my recent posts, my activity on this blog has slowed the last year or so. This is not a lack of interest. It's more a prioritization to accommodate my life in its current form. 

So, I am not here with some sweet (they are sweet to me at least) scientific journal article summaries, even though I would love to be working on one at the moment. There are plenty to read HERE, though, if you are jonesing for one. 

This is also not not an SSL Review  - otherwise known as in depth review of a depiction or discussion of the female orgasm, the clit, lady-bation, or cunnilingus. Although, to be sure, there's a shit ton of past reviews for both TV and Movies if you need some of that in your life right now. Spoiler alert: Slums of Beverly Hills and Diary of a Teenage Girl are in the top tier of 5 vulva rated movies (!)(!)(!)(!)(!), but The 40 Year Old Virgin and The Overnight are some that have a big fat zero vulva rating. :( ...And if you want to know what's currently sandwiching the list, 20th Century Women got the only coveted 5 1/2 vulva rating, while strangely enough, Hysteria, a movie about the invention of the vibrator is trailing the pack with the "-1 vulva rating" - something I made up special due to my utter disappointment in what it could have been vs. what it was. 

This post is not those things. What it is, is me waking up just feeling particularly excited about this work and wanting to post about it. I'm always kind of excited about his. It's truly something I want to leave in this world when I'm gone, but you know, within that there are frustrating times and disappointing times as well as exciting times and vibrant times. I just happened to have a little touch of excitement last night at a sweet sculptural art opening. I talked with a fab artist and cool lady (who has introduced me into a group of fab women and I am incredibly grateful to her for that) along with some other super cool people there, and I was able to engage about this work. 

I'll be honest, talking about my work has been a journey and a struggle full of learning and eye-opening responses. I think I've honed how I speak of it better over the years, but it's still a thing that makes me a little anxious for a variety of reasons - especially to new people. I'm truly a natural bull-shitter. I feel pretty comfortable talking with most people about life and feelings and dumb shit. However, speaking about things I have a real stake in, things that I really want to verbalize correctly is a whole different matter and something I do not naturally do well. All that to say, I really felt good talking to these people, and I really loved their engagement and their thoughts, and it was just an overall good experience that, I guess, upped my overall blogging motivation. 

You know, I think moving to a different city 4 years ago changed my culture around this work and although I hadn't thought of it this way before, maybe was really demotivating. I still had the bad-ass women on line that are in this fight too. They have continued to be great, and I even met a super amazing new one while I've been here too. However, I suddenly didn't have a lot of interactions with people other than workmates, and new co-workers are not the people you want to just start talking about lady-gasms to. Overall it was a struggle to find new friends, and then the pandemic happened, and I just recently started feeling like I'm finding a culture and a social life here, and so last night was nice and rejuvenating, and I'm grateful to those people I was with.

That's what I wanted to say. Be well all my friends out there!

For your extra enjoyment, here are some stills from the OG movie to this blog, Science, Sex and the Ladies.

Ramy Seasons 1 and 2 - The SSL REview

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Ramy - Season 1 - 2

So this is a Hulu show, and I'm not sure exactly how we heard about it, but it got a lot of good press since its release in 2019, so it could have been anywhere...or Hulu could have just told me to watch it in the way Hulu does such things. Either way, I'm glad we did. I'll be honest. I like it despite the main character. He acts too much like an actual dude I know, and it's a little annoying, but the surrounding cast, I really enjoyed, and there's some really solid storied in the (so far) 2 season series. 

Anyway, it follows Ramy, a 20-something and his family and friends living their lives in New Jersey (and maybe also in New York sometimes too?). Ramy is a first Generation Egyptian American. He lives with his mom, dad, and adult sister, and he's on a bit of a journey to understand what being a 'proper' Muslim means in his life. 

Anyway, I think it's well worth a watch, AND in the 1st season (there were none in the 2nd season), there were SSL Reviewable moments involving Ramy's mother, sister, and sexual partner. 

An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

 

S1 Ep1 - Strangle me while I finger myself

Ramy is a Muslim guy, right? As is the case with most religious people, they ain't supposed to be fucking if they ain't married. We see he does indeed do that, though. We see it happen with a non-Muslim woman earlier, but later he's on a proper date with a Muslim woman. They ditch their escort and have a nice time together talking and such. They get back to her car, and she's into a kiss, but Ramy is taken aback a bit and basically says he just wasn't sure if she did that kind of thing, and she's like, 'Kiss?? Yeah, bro.'

So they do, and they are both into it and making out, and she tells him to get into her car. They continue making out, and when she reaches for his, pants, he's like...'whoa - whoa.' She asks if he's alright, and he says he is, so she asks if he has a condom. He tells her, 'yes, but, umm...' and she says, "What? You don't want to have sex?" So he goes, 'like, yeah, but I didn't know if you could - since we weren't married and all.'

So she tells him she didn't know he was that strict, and mentions possibilities for technically getting around the Muslim requirements while still having sex. He tells her he doesn't think they should, like, try to trick god or something, but that they should take it slow. She's like, 'OH! Cool - there's other things we can do.'

And from there, she straddles him as he's sitting in the back seat. They're still making out, and she says she wants him to strangle her while she fingers herself. He's like, "what?" and she reiterates it. He puts his hands on her neck. She has unbuttoned her pants and seems to be moving her right hand down at her crotch. He's clearly weirded out, and she tells him to for-real press harder on her neck. 

She's bucking her hips with her eyes closed and her hand down at her crotch.(we can't see it clearly, but seems like she's rubbing one out). She seems like she's building herself up to an orgasm for sure.  Ramy is clearly freaked out. In a kind of in disgust, but maybe more bewilderment, he keeps looking from her neck then down at her crotch where she's getting herself off, and then back up and repeat until he can't take it anymore.

He just stops and tells her he can't do it. He's not into strangling. She's disappointed and briefly protests, but quickly unstraddles him.

Lady Friend: God, you're so full of shit.

Ramy: What?

Lady Friend:  It's not the choking that's the problem.

Ramy: Look, it's just our first date, and I feel like this is happening...

Lady Friend: (cutting him off) What? You don't hook up on the first date?

He hesitates.

Lady Friend: Yeah, that's what I thought.

Ramy: Look, this is just, like, throwing me for a loop a bit. I didn't think that a girl like you was gonna wanna...

Lady Friend: A girl like me? Look, we had this like really nice night, and you felt weirded out by the idea of kissing me. I get it. You don't want to have sex, but I'm, like, in this little Muslim box in your head. I'm the wife, or the mother of your kids, right? I'm not supposed to come.

Ramy: (thinking for a minute) Okay, I'll choke you.

Lady Friend: (annoyed) God! just get out of my car.

I love this scene for a couple reasons. 

First, (and most obviously, if you read my blog), this shows a woman asking for a partnered sexual activity that would actually result in orgasm for her - which is basically rubbing her vulva/clit area with her fingers at the same time something else she finds erotic is happening to her - in this instance, choking. Point is, she is stimulating her organ of orgasm which is realistic for a depiction of someone trying to come...just as having something stimulating the penis would be realistic for a depiction of a dude pursuing orgasm. 

I love that this woman knew what could get her off and clearly asked for it, particularly because it is all too uncommon for real-life and depicted women to do this. I think this is largely because the things that actually get us ladies off are not generally the meat and potatoes of a hetero-sexual encounter - AKA any type of intercourse. Which, again you know if you read this blog, intercourse is straight trash for getting ladies off because the stimulation is focused in the vaginal canal instead of the external clitoral glans area (seriously, contrary to popular belief and popular depiction, banging sucks for lady-gasms). 

Point is, asking for things other than intercourse can easily feel ridiculous and 'extra.' Previous partners may have gotten weirded out or uninterested with that kind of ask. Or, given our sexual culture, neither partners may even really understand there are other valid options. So, it was cool to see a valid alternative depicted. I do wish her first go-to wouldn't have been intercourse, though (she first asked for a condom). It makes it seem like intercourse was still the first/better choice for her, even though the reality is that it's a much more shit option for her orgasm. That little ask kind of reinforces the idea that intercourse is still top dog, and everyone likes it and enjoys it the best. I'll give it all a pass, though, simply because it is so rare to even see a depiction of a hetero sexual encounter where a woman diddles her own clit/vulva area, so I'll take it where I can get it.

The second reason I love this scene is because it calls to attention a particular element of the Madonna/Whore syndrome (the idea that a woman can either be sexual OR maternal/good) that exists in the world. Obviously, overall that's a bunch of bullshit that sucks, but there is a specific element about what kinds of sex acts count as whore-ish that I felt was touched on here. Granted, intercourse is the big one we think about for causing a good woman to go bad - and that seemed to be at first where Ramy's head was, but then things expanded a little further, and it could be argued that this woman's focused interest in getting off was maybe even worse to Ramy.  

That she had a strong sexual urge that she needed itched and that really had nothing to do with his body - was maybe even more gross and foreign to him than the idea of a good woman wanting to bang. I mean even a wife and mother must have intercourse from time to time...but rubbing her own clit??? The freak out level that Ramy got to as this woman tried to bring herself to orgasm was telling. And, this was actually a fairly puritan sex act as sex acts go in the religious world. I mean, they weren't having intercourse (the big one, as they say), and he wasn't even having to touch her genitals or her, his genitals.  Her statement, "I'm the wife, or the mother of your kids, right? I'm not supposed to come," is poignant. Sure, women can have intercourse, but only with men they should be having it with. Women having purely selfish sexual desires bent on orgasm, though - desires that do not include the act of a man's penis inside her, don't seem to be that cool in any situation and might be the freakiest shit a woman can do. I don't know if that reading was the intent of the writers and actors in this scene, but her use of the word, "come," gave it that hue for me, and I think that is a nasty aspect of the Madonna/Whore syndrome that deserves more air time, so I appreciate it whatever the intent.

S1Ep6 - Showerbation

This is a simple scene of laby-bation-interuptis. Dena, Ramy's sister, was in a situation that was a bit sexy and/or exciting, and in the next scene she's at home taking a shower. She's in one of those sweet ass showers that I sometimes dream of where the water can come from more than 1 shower head at the same time. Anyway, it's a nice shower, in my opinion. So, there's the overhead one, and then there's a removable showerhead that can also be turned on, which she does, and guess what? She moves that shower head down towards her crotch and backs up to lean against the shower wall. She tilts her head back, and although we are only seeing shoulders up, it's clear she's working the clit/vuvla area and it's working her up towards an orgasm. Unfortunately, family knocking on the door and telling her to hurry up makes her stop before any orgasm, but it's still a clear and realistic depiction of a way someone might masturbate to orgasm.

I want to nitpick here a sec and say that the showerhead water pressure she used seemed ridiculously low to me, like really pathetic. I mean it was like, if I had to use that pressure to merely rinse off my body, it would be annoying as shit. Granted, shower heads are not a way I masturbate, so I may not know the finer details of it, but I imagine water pressure is important...unless she rubs the shower head against her vulva so it's getting both the feel of the water coming out and the actual pressure of the head itself???...instead of using the showerhead close to the vulva, but not touching, and letting the water pressure alone do the work??? Who's to know? Either way, though, the mechanics of this are sensible and realistic for the possibility of masturbating to orgasm - because either way there is the clitoral/vulva area simulation which is what a lady needs as much as a dude needs penile stimulations. 

Obviously, I love this scene because it is one more lady-bation scene, and every new one helps to normalize the idea that women masturbate. The more that is normalized, the more women will masturbate, the more likely it will be that a lady had masturbated to orgasm before ever having sexual interactions with another person, and the more likely she will be able to figure out what she needs in order to orgasm with someone else (i.e. that intercourse itself ain't gonna do it, and that her clit needs as much attention as any penis might).

S1 Ep9 - Hot mom and dad couch sex

This is a classic sex scene. Ramy's mom and dad are on the couch. Something gets them hot. They furiously begin kissing. They un-clothe only enough to get the dick in the vag, and she straddles him as he's sitting. The dick goes in immediately it seems, and she is furiously bouncing up and down. Her hands are around the base of his head. They are both panting to a boiling point and then they collapse on each other, out of breath. It was 35 seconds from beginning of the kiss to post-orgasmic collapse. There was no indication that either of them had hands stimulating her clit/vuvla area. There was no vibrator brought out to press against her clit/vuvla area. The bouncing she was doing was straight up and down, and their bodies were not angled or pressed against each other in a way that would indicate continuous (or really any) contact between her clitoral/vuvla area and his body/pelvis - no grinding against him at all. In other words there was no indication that anything other than the inside of her vagina was getting stimulated. However, because of the way both their vocalizations crescendo and then finish at the same time, it seems as through we are to assume they had an incredibly quick, passionate, simultaneous orgasm through intercourse. 

It's such a classic type of scene because it's how so much "passionate" sex is depicted - an incredibly intense, quick move from zero to bouncing on a dick to collapsing on each other in orgasmic bliss. 

It's bullshit. 

At least for the dick-less person. Like I said above, a penis stimulating the inside of a vagina does not an orgasm make...seriously. Contrary to very popular belief, there's not some magical spot in the vagina that causes orgasm when stimulated - at least no orgasm has been recorded from stimulating any of these "spots" in all of scientific literature; not the G-spot, the c-spot, the vaginal walls themselves, the cervix, the inner clitoral legs through the vaginal walls - none of these things people like to talk about as reasons intercourse can cause orgasms are backed up with any real physical proof. As close as it gets is that G-spot stimulations may cause ejaculation/squirting, but that is different than orgasm (in both males and females). Point is, this act described above is a super realistic way for a person with a penis to orgasm (and ejaculate - usually happens simultaneously for males) but absolutely not a realistic way for a person with a clit and vagina to orgasm (or even ejaculate - which is not that common anyway). It's an incredibly common depiction that makes it seem as if what is happening is equally orgasmic for both people, but it is not. It both perpetuates and substantiates the great lie that intercourse is as orgasmic for the ladies as it is for dudes.

We need less of these scenes. The more of them we see, the more we all assume this is the way to have a mutually orgasmic sexual encounter, the more abnormal sex acts that specifically include clitoral/vuvla area stimulation seem, the more ridiculous ladies will feel when they ask for that specific clitoral/vuvla stimulation, the less dudes will know that clitoral stimulations is necessary and not an extra cherry on top, and ultimately the less women will actually orgasm in partnered sexual situations (actually orgasm...not some level of acting out orgasm). 

The Vulva Rating

This is a mixed review. The first scene depicting a woman using manual clitoral area simulation to get herself off with a partner is unusual and refreshing, but the insinuation in the overall scene that it is her 2nd choice after intercourse softens its power. The masturbation scene is on point and a solid addition to the whole of media. The scene depicting Ramy's mom orgasming from intercourse that is realistically very unlikely to actually induce lady-gasm is a negative addition to cultural knowledge of lady-gasms, but it is not an uncommon type of scene or one that is outside the norms of our cultural understanding of lady-gasms (wrong as these understandings may be). 

The truth is when it comes to masturbation or a woman on her own, media depictions of lady-gasm tend to be more realistic, but when a women is in a partnered sex situation, depictions tend to be intercourse focused and incredibly unrealistic. Ramy follows those norms. In many ways, I feel like this overall depiction is the status quo. It doesn't take us back, but it doesn't put us forward either. So, in that way, I am giving it a fairly neutral rating. Ramy Season 1 and 2 gets 3 out of 5 vulvas.

(!)(!)(!)

Shit Sex for the Ladies in Shameless: An SSL Review

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Shameless

I'm on the 9th season of Shameless right now. People had been telling me to watch it for a while , and I finally did, and since me and Charlie are champion TV watchers, we've burned through it pretty damn quick. I believe the last season, season 11 is happening now, or will be happening soon, so we're almost through it. 

Shameless has a pretty fair amount of sex in it, and ya know what? Most, close to all really, of the sex is trash. And by trash I mean trash for the female orgasm. 

A different kind of SSL Review

Normally I do SSL Reviews (reviews specifically of depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit or cunnilingus) by getting deep into each and every instance of those things. I'll detail what happened, how realistic it was (could the physical thing happening while that character came realistically be something that could cause a female to come?), and what part it plays in the larger cultural understanding of lady-gasms and female sexuality. I like the idea of having these detailed discussions of every scene in a show or movie because I thinks it will be cool some day for someone to look back on. 

I got kinda bored with Shameless though, and the idea of detailing out every bang against a wall where the lady-character kinda screamed and vocalized like she probably came made my ass tired just thinking about it. Plus, I think the whole of Shameless is maybe the more interesting story here because I think it so closely parallels how sex, lady-gasms, and female sexuality are depicted in the larger culture - which is unrealistically. 

All vagina-banging no clit

The main takeaway here is that there's a lot of sexual activity in Shameless and most of it is a dude banging his penis in and out of a lady without any hands or vibrators stimulating her clit and also without a sense that her vulva/clit area is even in a position during this banging that would allow her to grind it against his body or anything else. Sometimes in these scenes they both kinda vocalize in a way that one might assume means they both came simultaneously. Sometimes the lady specifically is depicted as coming, and sometimes it ends before the orgasm part. Very occasionally it seems like the dude came, but she didn't. No matter what though, there was never - NEVER - a scene in which there is some kind of stimulation to the clit/vulva area along with intercourse. 

I mean this isn't uncommon. Intercourse in movies, TV and porn, pretty much ignores the clitoral glans vulva area whether there is a depiction of female orgasm in the scene or not. That's just the way it is. A penis moving in and out of a vagina is depicted as enough. It's enough, in and of itself, as a sex act - no matter what happens, but it's often depicted as enough to get a female to orgasm. The crazy part is, though, that it's a bunch of made-up bullshit. 

Women need clitoral glans area stimulations to orgasm as much as men need penile stimulation. These very normal depictions are like showing dudes coming from rubbing their asses without any penile stimulation...and no one seeming to care or even notice how bonkers it is. Seriously, no orgasm caused from stimulation inside the vagina has ever been physically recorded in all scientific literature. Seriously. And it's not like people (and tons of scientists) haven't been desperately trying to prove once and for all that women can be banged into an orgasm for almost a century now. They've pushed the idea of the G-spot and the 'inner clit' as possible reasons that women might orgasm from inner vaginal stimualtion, but never, ever has anyone ever shown that this 'other' 'vaginal' orgasm even exists. So, my point is, all these very common and very absurd depictions of women getting banged into orgasmic ecstasy both reflect our culture's deeply incorrect assumptions about how lady-gasms work and also help to keep those ridiculous assumptions alive and well in our psyche. 

So that's the bulk of what's happening sexually on the show, but I did take a few notes on a couple more specific interesting situations, which I will describe below.

Dear, let me not give you an orgasm for de-stressing purposes

I think this is one of my favorites because it's so stupid. The character Fiona is in bed with her boyfriend. She's stressed out, and so he decides to give her a sexual gift. He starts fucking her, as in banging her missionary. He tells her to just breath and let him do all the work. So she's just laying there, and he's just pushing in and out of her (their bodies are under the covers, but it's pretty clear what's happening) like his dick is a golden orgasm wand, and then she comes, and he doesn't. What a gift! 

Listen, if a dude wants to 'gift' you an orgasm and he starts banging you, then just know the only gift you will be getting is a dick in your vagina and the chance to fake an orgasm so he will stop. Clits do lady-gasms make, people...not dicks. 

For real, though, if that scene was not a crystal clear misunderstanding of how female orgasms happen I don't know what is. I mean even the idea of asking her not to movie is extra looney. If, perchance, a lady is able to get her clit enough stimulation to come by rubbing it against the pelvis of the person fucking her vagina, she's sure as shit gonna need to be controlling the fuck out of how her clit is grinding - the pressure, the angle. The idea that a dude could just fuck on a motionless lady to make her come is truly bananas. 

The lone lady-bation

This one I like for the opposite reason. It's probably the very best scene for lady-gasms in the whole series. The character Debbie is at some kind of commune. I'll skip the details of why, but she is in a tent for women and an older woman gives her a big ol' Hitachi Magic wand style vibrator to use to relax her. Debbie basically says she's never masturbated before, and the woman tells her it's liberating and leaves her alone to do it. Debbie looks at it. The scene cuts, and then later we come back to her laying back, clearly satisfied from a good ol' orgasm. 

It's a pretty basic scene, but I think it's the only time in this show that a woman or girl explicitly discusses masturbation (I'm not 100% on that, but if I'm wrong I'm not wrong by much). There's plenty of ladies in this show that are VERY sexual and various elements of their sex lives are discussed and depicted, but they are all with dudes or occasionally other women. 

In contrast, I believe every single male main character in this show has explicitly had their masturbation habits discussed or depicted more than once. One teen male character is even masturbating in the opening credits that play in front of all 9 seasons so far. One of the male characters was just a boy...maybe early middle school and had multiple shows with numerous discussions and depictions of his masturbation habits. 

Cunnilingus. 

It does happen on the show occasionally, but unless it's 2 women, it is not a staple. Often, it's something that happens at the beginning of a sex act - as a little warm up, and the dude moves up to fuck before any orgasm is had. I've never seen a female character on the show say anything about preferring it. It's more likely to hear a female character talk about interest in a big dick. Listen, I like that it's in the show at all, but just as in the culture at large, it tends to be just a quick side dish when it's there at all.

Cunnilingus. With a splash.

There is one exception. The character Lip has a girlfriend that he's been fucking. After a few episodes of this, we see him coming up as if he just finished eating her out. She says something like, 'that was great. I wasn't sure if you'd be good at it. Are the sheets drenched?' Turns out she ejaculates when she comes. She says  to him that's how she comes sometimes, and he asks her why she never came with him before. She tells him that she can only do it when she's really comfortable with a dude. He loves it. She loves it. His friends are impressed when he tells them about it. 

I like the idea that female ejaculation is depicted - and in a good light. I even think the way it happens is not unrealistic. Female ejaculation, like male ejaculation, is a different thing than orgasm. Squirting stuff out is not an orgasm, but for males, unlike for the vast majority of females, the two happen mostly simultaneously. There's not nearly enough data about female ejaculations, but clearly there are some women that can get them from manually stimulating the female prostate that sits around the urethra which sets on the outside of the vaginal wall, low and toward the stomach. That's just an ejaculation though (unless you were able to stimulate the clitoral glans area at the same time, and get the ejaculation and orgasm to pop off at around the same time, though). 

That manual stimulation of the prostate area seems to be the most common way female ejaculation happen, but from anecdotal stories in books and papers I've seen on the subject. It also seems like there are some women, and it must be fairly rare, where their orgasm triggers an ejaculation similar to what happens for men. This is what I would imagine happens for this girlfriend character, and that explanations seems sensible enough to me given that she was getting a clit licking that ended in orgasm (as it sensibly could) along with ejaculation.

So, that's all good, but I do feel like also there was a sense in this whole storyline that ejaculating was not just a cool-ass rare thing that happens to this woman when she's stimulated correctly, but that it's a symbol of her higher sexuality and Lip's exceptional prowess as a lover. That feels a little gross to me especially because female ejaculation is becoming quite popular in porn as a 'higher level of female sexual pleasure.' It's often faked, but it, like orgasming from nothing but a penis banging one's vagina, is just one more thing that women are expected to do in order to be properly sexual even if it's simply not something their body is capable of.

Bang me, but do it in circles...Screw me...I guess?

Okay - this one I find hilarious too...mostly because it feels like the writers got their sex advise from a 1950's marriage manual. This is the character Lip again, but with a different woman. He hooks up with her at a wedding. She's drunk, and they do it in a closet, standing doggy with her bent over a deep freezer or something. She pukes during it, and he's maybe a little less into it than he normally is this type of thing. Otherwise it's just a normal in-out bang. 

So he sees her again and asks her out on a real date, but she's a complete asshole and tells him to basically fuck off because it was the worst sex she's ever had. (Honestly, what is she comparing it to - other sex she had that also didn't involve her clit and also didn't make her come. What the hell was she expecting from the non-clit involving doggy fuck she was getting into?) 

So, she tells him it was "jabby" and he just kept jabbing, and he should have fucked her hard. (So the answer to my questions is that like far too many women, she doesn't orgasm during intercourse, doesn't seem to understand that's a problem or how to fix it -I mean most dudes don't either so we're all fucked aren't we? - and so she desperately wants something, anything else from the sex to make her feel wanted and excited and as if the sex was worth it...and what better way to feel that than to have the dude fuck your brains out so hard that you don't even know what happened? - for real though I think that's some real shit women feel but don't realize they feel). 

Anyway, for some inexplicable reason he later does end up dating her even though she is still just the absolute worst asshole, and they end up having sex again in her car. She says it was a 6 out of 10. It wasn't jabby anymore, but it was thrusty. Then she tells him he has to rotate. 

Rotate. Seriously. 

I imagine the kernel of truth that is behind this is that if a woman is going to ever possibly come during intercourse without actually manually (or vibratorly...I'm gonna say that's a word) stimulating her clit during it, it's going to be because she is able to get into the right position to grind her clit against his pelvis while his dick's still inside her. And let's be honest, he's probably gonna have to stop moving and stay fucking still so that she can keep the kind of constant pressure against him she likes and grind it how she needs it grinded without him fucking up her movements. This situation is not the ideal clit stimulating situation, so it's precarious, and him trying to move in an out is a straight clit killer...in my humble opinion at least. 

Anyway, that's probably the kernel of why people may have gotten the idea that grindy or rotatey is better than poundy, but here's the deal. Either way we're talking about him doing the movements and about how the dick is moving in the vagina...which is realistically not going to make her come no matter how you do it. What she should have said was, "it sucked because my clit was not even an after thought. You were just getting your dick off in my vagina, and what needed to happen was something should have been diddling my clit, so I could actually come." But because the world has such strange, backward, misunderstandings of lady-gasm, this lady character is out here telling this dude character that he needed to rotate more. 

The other reason this is hilarious to me is that I know specifically that this rotating advice was something popular in marriage manuals of the 1950's because I learned that when I was doing research for my movie. And recently Charlie and I got ahold of some old 70's porn - like the stuff that was real high budget and in the era when there was hope that porn and mainstream cinema could be merged in a particular way...and all those dudes were rotating as they pounded. Like, there was a distinct difference in the way you see dudes generally pound in porn today, and we both thought it was hilarious because it seemed like they were going off that 50's advice they snuck-found in their parent's marriage manuals when they were teenagers. The women were still not getting their clits stimulated and still faking, but...at least the dudes were rotating more?

The Vulva Rating

This was not a traditional SSL Review, but I am still going to give it a Vulva Rating, and it's not a good one. 

This show is chock full of lady-gasms depicted as happening from physical activity that in no way could realistically give a woman an orgasm. Although this is not uncommon, it is a net harm to women's ability to learn correctly about their orgasm and how it can be achieved in partner sex, to feel empowered in asking and expecting activities during sex that stimulate their organ of sexual pleasure (their clit), and in educating men about what a sexual act that is orgasmic for females actually looks like. 

It's also chock full of men and boys masturbating, but not women and girls, which makes it seem like lady-bation is rare, weird, and that sexual women are sexual because they fuck a lot and masturbation isn't really part of it. Those ideas are already strongly out there keeping girls and women (more than boys and men) from exploring their own bodies and theri own orgasms. This show just reinforces it, which sucks.  

Overall, there are some moments where there is genuinely realist depictions of female orgasm...like when a woman goes down on another woman until orgasm, but they are few and far between. Shameless is a very sexual show that, not unlike our sexual culture as a whole, is informed about and focused on male sexual pleasure, fantasy, and orgasm but deeply and arrogantly misinformed about female pleasure, fantasy and orgasm. 

I'm giving this series 1 out of 5 vulvas. I'm feeling nice because there are at least a few good moments in there. Also, I still have more of the series to go. I, arrogantly, don't think my opinion will change, but if it does, I'll update here.

(!)

Wanderlust S1Ep1 - The SSL Review

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Wanderlust

This is a British TV series, but I caught it on Netflix. I really liked this show, and bonus, it involves a long-time married couple's sex lives, so there are things to SSL Review. Overall this show was on-point about ladygasms. There are maybe a few imperfections, but definitely better than I would expect from a show in general. The first episode got me excited about its treatment of female sexuality, masturbation, orgasms, etc. and this episode is what I'll be reviewing today. Go check out this show. I recommend it.

An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

The First Scene: sorry, but this sex is trash

Joy is standing at the foot of the bed looking at her husband Alan. She has a cane and some kind of brace on her arm. It's clear from this and some intercut scenes that there had been a bike accident in her past. It seems like maybe this is a scheduled first attempt at sex after the accident.

Alan: Ready?

Joy: As I'll ever be.

We then see the two in bed, under the covers missionary style. He's pushing in and out of her slowly.

Joy: sloooowwww (softly to him)

Allen nods and continues the slow fucking, but then Joy scrunches her face up in pain, and Alan stops.

Alan: what?

Joy: No, it's good. (unconvincingly)

Alan: Good?

Joy: You know what I mean

Alan: Surely you want it to be better than good?

Joy: You're telling me pal! (with a laugh)

Alan: Joy, come on. (annoyed and a bit exasperated)

Joy: No, I'm sorry, sorry sorry. I'm just. I'm in a lot of pain and I'm really self conscious.

Alan: That makes 2 of us.

Joy: Well if you just, I mean, more of technique to kinda get in that way. (kind of angling her lower body)

Alan: Sorry? Technique? (pissed)

Joy: You know what I mean. (exasperated, but softening)

Alan: Nooo. No, I'm not sure I do, actually. I'm not the one with the problem, Joy. So don't try and needle

Joy: I'm not trying...

Alan: away at my craft

Joy: (smiles - trying to lighten the moment) ...Your craft?..I'm sorry skilled woodsman. You're right. We really need to work on it. (laughs some more)

Alan: You know what? instead of making jokes...

Joy: No -alright, all right (becoming more serious and trying to pacify the situation).

Alan: ...I'd like to finish, please. (Gets off her) I think you've been using all this as an excuse.

Joy: What? (incredibly offended)

Alan: And I think you have been for months. I don't think you want to have sex with me, Joy.

Cuts to alarm ringing in the morning. 

Alan gets up and goes to shower. Joy opens her eyes and reaches down under the covers, obviously masturbating. Her son suddenly opens the door and asks where his shoes are. As one might expect, She stops abruptly. They talk for a second. He's maybe a little weirded out from the what he maybe might have kinda thought he walked into. Then he leaves and the scene ends.

The Second Scene: once or twice a week

Tom, Joy's son, is walking to school with Michelle, who seems to be a close friend.

Tom: Here's a question. How often do you masturbate?

Michelle: Nice.

Tom: I'm interested.

Michelle: Why?

Tom shrugs.

Michelle: Once or twice a week

Tom: You're kidding. I'm at once or twice a day at this point.

Michelle: Well, you're nothing if not thorough

Tom: I think I walked in on my mom having a wank.

Michelle: Shit. I think that means the world has to pretty much explode now.

Tom: I'm just saying...

Michelle: She's allowed to masturbate.

Tom: But I thought old people were supposed to go off sex. It's like Darwin and shit.

Michelle: Your mum isn't that old.

Tom: She's pretty old.

The Third Scene: wanking in office bathroom stalls

So turns out Alan works at a school, and he's talking with Claire, his friend and coworker, who had just that morning walked into an office and found another male coworker with his pants down having an early morning jerk-off session.

They are discussing it and Claire says, "You know. The crazy think is, I don't know why he doesn't just use the disabled toilet like the rest of us."

The SSL Assessment

All the Lady-bation

So, I think the first and most obvious observation is a clear overall insinuation from these 3 scenes that women do in fact masturbate. All the women we're introduced to, all different ages - Joy, Michelle and Claire - we watch them admit through words or actions that they wank (if we're going with the British theme here), and without any real shame depicted in association. I mean, granted Joy's son walked in on her and stopped her cold, but that's just not wanting to rub off in front of your son -  not really a show of shame. Otherwise, from the look on her face, she had been clearly enjoying the masturbation. 

The ladybation admission is important because there is still a stronger, harsher stigma on female masturbation. Masturbation itself doesn't exactly have a stellar rep for anyone, but for boys and men, it is so seen in our media, and it's often depicted as an inevitable part of manhood and maleness. This is not true for the ladies, which is really sad because we ladies need to know that masturbation is a valid part of femaleness, that it's something other women do and that it's not bad or strange. We really, really, really, need to know this specifically because masturbation is a lady's best bet at orgasm in this sexual culture. Of course, masturbation for anyone is the best way to learn what one likes and how to get to orgasm. I mean, of course we should all be our own first partner. 

It's just that for females there is a double whammy of masturbation. First, it's less normalized/seen/accepted which translates to less women doing it, particularly at pre-sexually active ages. Second, masturbation for females is even more important for learning to orgasm than for males because the odds of a lady just stumbling into an orgasm blindly during partnered sex, without having previously taught herself how to get there, ain't great - ain't great at all. I mean, if a boy has basic ol' hetero sex before he ever masturbates, all the correct stimulation should still be there to get him to orgasm. All he or his partner needs to know is that the penis moves in and out of the vagina. They get that right, and that's great orgasm stimulation on the penis. A girl in that same situation, however, does not get the stimulation on her organ of sexual pleasure, the clitoral glans. All she gets in this scenario is stimulation on her vaginal walls, and contrary to popular belief, an orgasm caused by just that has never ever been physically recorded in all of scientific literature - and that's with over half a decade of research trying to prove females can come merely from a penis moving in their vagina. Unfortunately, getting banged into an orgasm simply doesn't seem to a real thing (seriously - like for real, for real). 

So not only do ladies live in an environment that is less conducive for masturbation, but they also have sexual interactions that are less conducive for orgasm...so the ladies get fucked twice, and the boys get a leg up twice. It's not an even playing field, so anything that helps lady-bation feel more possible and normal will up the odds a lady will masturbate, upping odds that she will have orgasmed at all, which should then up the odds she will know how she might orgasm again - possibly even in a partnered situation (spoiler alert: how she might orgasm again in a partnered situation is just by doing the things that made her orgasm alone...but incorporating another person into it).

Sex vs. masturbation: orgasm matters

Okay the other thing I want to point out relates to that first scene. I mean, the high level takeaway from it is that Joy, for whatever reason, wasn't into the sex with her husband, but she was into masturbating. 

The question is why? There's more later in this show that speaks to this, but just from what we saw, one might think that, yeah, she doesn't want to have sex with him, just like he said. One might think that maybe she's being a bitch because she's depriving her husband of the sexual interaction he really desires, but not because she's not into it, but because she's not into it with him...since she does it on her own.

Okay, maybe...but actually no. The only way one could really see it that way is if one were under the incredibly incorrect assumption that him simply moving his cock inside her was in any way equivalent to her masturbating, and they are not. I could forgive someone for seeing it that way because as a culture, we do hold strongly to a stupid and unsupported idea that intercourse is the same type of  orgasmic event for the penis person as it is for the vagina person. It's patently not. It's a sex act that does all the right stuff for getting the penis off and very little if anything for getting the clit off. 

So, let's just put this in a clearer view. A woman that has been injured and has pain, is opening her legs so that her partner can masturbate his penis inside her vagina to orgasm. She is not getting orgasmic stimulation in this situation and she is feeling actual pain. She is having a shit time and he's getting the possibility for orgasm. And that mother fucker gets mad at her? for not being excited enough? for putting her 2 cents in for how it could be more enjoyable? For allowing him to rub his penis inside her even though it's painful? Fuck that guys's face to the moon. He can fuck right off. And, yet she feels bad. When he gets mad, she tries to comfort him and tell him it's fine. I mean really. 

Take this exchange:

Alan: Surely you want it to be better than good?

Joy: You're telling me pal! (with a laugh)

Alan: Joy, come on. (annoyed and a bit exasperated)

Joy: No, I'm sorry, sorry sorry. I'm just. I'm in a lot of pain and I'm really self conscious.

Alan: That makes 2 of us. 

Really Alan? That makes 2 of you? You're both actually in pain, and you're both getting your organ of sexual pleasure ignored because you have a hole that your partner wants to wank into? Nah. Alan, if you want to see something close to what it's actually like to be in the same boat as Joy, then you need to be getting a dildo up your inexperienced ass (no reach-around included) while you vibrate your partner's clit. Then take time and energy to placate her when she gets offended and mad after asking her to be patient with you, telling her an angle you'd prefer, and expressing your pain. Do all that knowing from experience that she's on the road to orgasm and you are not.

I have more to say, but before I move on, I want to dig into the pain part here a touch more.  Joy was doing this even though she was in actual pain. What fucking sense does it make to pursue orgasm while the thing happening that's supposed to cause you orgasm is instead causing you pain? (I swear ya'll better not @ me about S&M stuff). Why would she even try to keep going? I mean, the real deal is she wasn't doing it for an orgasm. She could jerk off if she wanted that. She was doing it to be nice to Alan; to allow him her body in his pursuit of orgasm. Even though we as a society act like we think a basic fuck is a mutually orgasmic experience, I think deep inside we all also know it's not. That's why women push through all kinds of pain during intercourse; from shitty first times to being too dry to getting your cervix excruciatingly banged. We know it's not really about us. It's about that dick getting off, and the person attached to the dick also knows it. It's a secret unspoken agreement that we don't even want to think about. And when Alan gets mad, it's not just about her 'making up the pain.' It's also about her unwillingness to endure whatever pain or bother to get him off inside her, something one can only assume he had been previously accustomed to (and I am aware they are character, not real people). 

Too many sex acts, too little orgasms

But moving on, I really like this Joy / Alan scene because it feels super rich and poignant to me. It hits at the heart of the female experience of sex, particularly in a long-term relationship. The simple, physical truth is that basic intercourse is great for male orgasm and absolute shit for female orgasm. So, please just imagine how many sex acts involve a man coming and a woman not coming. That's a hard pill to swallow, but stick with me here, because now imagine a wife avoiding sex or trying to speak up about other things she'd rather do, or different ways to have sex. It can seem incredibly odd if not completely fucked up of her to do that if one assumes (and we all do to some extent ) that intercourse for her is as exciting and arousing and orgasmic as it is for the person ramming their penis in her vagina. Why would she ever want to avoid that pleasure? Is she fucking crazy, or physically cold and dead inside, or mean and withholding, or dumb? I mean, that's another level in why Alan got pissy and why she got all sorry about it...because her actions don't feel sensible.

But. They. Are. So. So. So. Sensible. It makes complete sense. Ya wanna know why she wasn't into fucking her husband but was into masturbating the next morning. Because she wanted a goddamn orgasm. Given how deep our incorrect assumptions about intercourse are, she, like many a woman out there, may not be able to verbalize that, but that's the real deal. If we open our eyes and see clearly how often women are in sexual situations where they are expected to find orgasmic pleasure, but no way sensibly could attain that orgasmic pleasure given the physical nature of the sex, then so many of women's ambivalent or negative reactions to partnered sexuality make All. The. Sense. In turn, men's negative reactions to women's ambivalent or negative reactions can be seenvas desperately selfish.

Anyway, that's what stuck out to me about that scene. Joy had an actual injury with pain, maybe, but even if she didn't, that interaction was a version of a category of interactions that many a female has had with their long-term male partner. And the roots of those interaction are in the multitude of scars and twists and misunderstanding brought about by thinking ladies can get banged into an orgasm.

Vulva Rating

Clearly, my top SSL highlight in this episode is that it helps in normalizing lady-bation in the culture - and in ladies of a variety of ages. That is well received at this blog, and is helpful to the cause of Orgasm Equality.

I also love the depiction of the couple's sexual interaction because there is some rare intimate long-term couple realism that I appreciate. Although I break this scene down above in a way that probably most viewers would not have any reason to consider, I think there is still some value in an uncritical viewing.  For instance, I think it is certainly played in a way that the husband's reactions, particularly his resistance to adjustment, are not simply set before us without any culpability. 

Overall, we see the words that are said. We see the reactions they elicit, and the viewer takes what they will. A woman might see herself in Joy masturbating after shit sex. She might also see herself in Joy's complete offense at Alan blaming her for not pushing through painful sex. She may also see a woman that she deems negative and unaccommodating to a well-meaning husband. The men watching may also identify in different ways with the couple in this scene. It's hard to know exactly how this scene fits into our communal understanding of ladygasms and female sexuality; how it might change or solidify a person's assumptions and opinions. However, I give it props for just existing, because I think the responsible thread in this scene, despite what any individual may take from it, is that there is realism in how these people act and react in this very intimate situation. 

As for me, I see a depiction of a woman that may not be so excited about getting fucked, but is excited about making herself come...and that's cool enough, my friends.

This gets 4 out of 5 vulvas

(!)(!)(!)(!)

She Devil - The SSL Review

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She Devil
Did I love Roseanne as a kid? Yes, at one time in my life my mom and dad were, respectively, a bartender and a motorcycle mechanic just like Rosanne and Dan at one point in the show. Their life seemed a lot like my life; midwest, the food they ate, their friends seemed like the type of people my parents were friends with, my older sister as a teenager and my parents fought in similar ways as Roseanne and Dan fought with their oldest, Becky. They talked to each other and to their kids a lot like my family did. The difference was they had a 2 story house, and at the time, I kinda felt like people in 2 story houses were rich, and that seemed like a mistep in the show to me, and also they loved sports, and my family just didn't really ever watch sports except for the Olympics (we watched every bit of that we could) and also basketball when the Pacers were in the playoffs, which they did a few times in the 90's. And, they had a younger son DJ (and eventually another baby named Jerry after Jerry Garcia when the show started going off the rails), but me and my best friend Leslie used to say she was DJ, I was Darlene, and my sister was Becky - so we made that fit too.

I haven't seen the new Rosanne, and I'm aware Rosanne herself has gone off the rails, but I will admit I do have a special place in my heart for her and for that show; Rosanne as a woman who at one point in her life made work that gave visibility into a particular aspect of female working class midwest life. It was and still is underrepresented. I have a strong appreciation for art creators who, even if they just do it well once or twice, take their authentic experience, one that doesn't already have a strong history of exposure, and force it out in front of us so that we all may get a larger perspective of the world.

I wrote all that just because I wanted to write about that show. This post, however, is not about that show but about a movie Rosanne was in at about the same time, She Devil. I saw this movie, I'm assuming on a video we rented from Marsh Supermarket down the street when I was about 9 or 10. Just as a fun fact, the first video we ever rented and watched when we got a VCR was Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

Anyway She Devil stars Rosanne Barr, Ed Begley Jr., and Meryl Streep. I just watched it again a couple months ago, and ya know it still held up for me. It's a weird, cooky, black comedy that has some maybe not completely on-point, but era-appropriate feminist values in it. Not a bad watch. It was also directed by a woman (written by men though). However, does it hold up for SSL Review? No. It's getting a low Vulva Rating unfortunately.

SSL Review

An SSL Review, for those that need a little refresher, is a review specifically of any discussion or depiction of female orgasm, female masturbation, cunnilingus, or the clit. I critique the realism of the depiction/discussion and also write about what the depiction/discussion says about and/or adds to our cultural understanding of female sexuality and orgasm. I try my best to just stick specifically to those SSL Reviewable moments, so it usually stays pretty focused on those parts of the movie only, but sometimes I like to digress.

So here we go. I have tons of these reviews btw. You can find all the other movie SSL Reviews HERE and the TV SSL Reviews HERE.

The Scene - Rolling In A Pink Circle  Pleasure Bed
I don't think I'm ruining anything to say that Mary (Meryl Streep) and Bob (Ed Begley Jr.) fuck. It's in the trailer - even a piece of this sex scene is in the trailer. So, they do. There's a couple scenes of them getting it on, but this is the only one that also includes the 'big finish' if you will. The others are just a quick cut of them in it or they get interrupted or something like that.




Mary's this perfectly coiffed Romance Novelists with a beautiful pastel manor. Her bedroom is a sweeping, draped, pillared space with crystal lamps and french doors. The bed is upon a platform, large, pink and circular. Mary and Bob begin at one side, their heads toward the foot of the bed. They are missionary, wrapped fully in the sheet. They roll, arms wrapped around each other, with some gentle sex vocalizations all the way across to the other side of the bed, he's on top again when they arrive. They kiss in that position for a couple seconds, and then roll back across until they are again in missionary, him on top. She gives some grunty, staccato 'uhs' as they do this. They then begin to kind of push and crawl themselves further toward the middle and foot of the bed as they both are making their final sexual vocalizations. As they are doing this, she moves one knee up so she's almost but not quite hooking her leg over his back. At that point she makes a final 'aahhh' like she just came. Immediately he kind of grabs her arms and raises them over her head and he does his final 'ooohhh' like he just came. He then collapses on her and they bathe in their sexual pleasure for a few seconds. He looks down at his watch and then starts backing down her body inside the sheet they were wrapped in. She playfully and a little excitedly, says, "oh, what are you doing?" But he's not going down on her, he's just getting out of bed to hurry back home, and she's a bit bothered.

My SSL Assessment: Basic Sex, Basic Fake
An overview assessment of this scene, and what I think was the intention and what most people would take from it, is that these two were having romantic, wild, passionate sex, and they both came basically simultaneously.

My assessment is that they were having quite active, but very basic intercourse, and Bob came just after Mary faked it.

Here's the deal. No hands were ever near Mary's vulva, so she definitely wasn't getting manual stimulation to her vulva/clit area while they fucked. Yes, they were quite pressed against each other during the whole thing, so it is very slightly possible that her vulva/clit area might have been getting enough stimulation from his pelvis pressed against it for her to come, but there was no grinding from her or pelvis movement that might have seems like she was trying to rub off on him. So, although I've seen much worse simultaneous intercourse orgasm scene where the 2 were positioned clearly so there was nothing touching the clit/vulva area, I still don't think this scene seems realistic. Even if I'd like to believe that was the intention from the actors and director, the truth is that one wouldn't expect any viewer to get anything from that scene except 'ladies can come from a passionate fuck' i.e. 'dicks in vaginas make ladies come.' There is nothing in this scene that indicates anything more than a good fuck made this woman come.

That makes it unrealistic, because as you know if you read this blog, stimulation on the inside the vagina should never be expected to make a woman orgasm given that it has never been physically shown to do so in all of scientific literature. Seriously, women need outer clitoral/vulva stimulation to orgasm as much as men need penile stimulation.

The Vulva Rating
I mean, this scene is just one on top of a pile of millions depicting a woman orgasming from nothing more than a dick moving around in her vagina. While it's clear to any rational viewer in all those scenes that the dick needs stimulation, the organ of female pleasure, the clit, is just plain ignored for the easier, more convenient idea that women should be able to orgasm from vaginal stimulation during the same sexual act that make men come. This scene and all the many, many like it (the majority by far of all depictions of lady-gasms - I don't have the statistics, but I'm willing to put money on that) all reinforces in all our minds the very incorrect notion that ladies will come when you fuck them. this idea is deep in us all from all the things we've heard and learned and watched in our lives, and this passionate tryst just helps to keep that idea alive and well a little longer.

Although this scene was unrealistic and strengthened the hold of incorrect ideas about how women are supposed to orgasm, it didn't do anything other than depict commonly accepted notions of that time (and of this time) - dumb as they may be. It didn't depict anything that really took understanding about lady-gasm backwards, so it won't get the worst rating, but it didn't help either, so it won't get a good rating. Also, I'm giving a tiny upward edge tto the rating because I liked how excited Mary got when she thought Bob was going to go down on her after they just fucked.

I give She Devil a 2 vulva rating
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Landline - The SSL Review

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Landline
This movie was written and directed by Gillian Robespierre - the same woman that did the movie Obvious Child, a movie I really enjoyed. Also, Landline stars Jenny Slate, and I kinda fell in a little bit of love with her as Mona-Lisa Saperstein on Parks and Rec. Her voice in another world might kinda get to me because it edges on baby, but it doesn't bother me on her because I think she's fuckin funny. So that's that.

Why I'm talking about this is because this movie, Landline, has 3 scenes that are SSL reviewable, and it's my pleasure to do that reviewing now.

An SSL Review

An SSL Review, for those that need a little refresher, is a review specifically of any discussion or depiction of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I critique the realism of the depiction/discussion and also write about what the depiction/discussion says about and/or adds to our cultural understanding of female sexuality and orgasm. I try my best to just stick specifically to those SSL Reviewable moments, so it usually stays pretty focused on those parts of the movie only, but ya know, sometimes I like to digress.

So here we go. I have tons of these reviews btw. You can find all the other movie SSL Reviews HERE and the TV SSL Reviews HERE.

Scene 1: Nature Sex Ain't For Everyone
This is the first scene in the movie. It starts with voices over the titles. The way they are talking seems very casual and familiar. There's no meanness really in these lines, even though just written out they might seem that way.

Ben: Is this good?
Dana: No.
Ben: Sorry, lower?
Dana: Yeah, yes. good. good.
Ben: This is awesome.

We see a profile shot from the shoulders up of Dana (Jenny Slate). She's facing a tree and leaning against it. She's clearly getting fucked from behind, but she doesn't seem all that into it. Not upset or anything, just not really aroused.

Dana: You can come if you want to.
Ben: Okay, I'm about to.
Dana: Good.
Ben: Are you gonna come?
Dana: eh...(ignoring him and looking at a buzzing fly around her face. She swats at it, then startles slightly in concern). Did you hear that?

We see them in a wide profile now. Ben (Jay Duplass) is standing behind her with his pants around his ankles. One hand is around her waist and the other is settled on the front of her thigh. Dana's dress is hiked up and her panties are down just above her knees. Both her hands are against the tree she is facing to support her. Jay is pumping into her, but stops for a second.

Ben: Huh?
Dana: Like a woodland creature pitter patter?
Ben: Okay, (slightly exasperated) the plan was to have sex in the woods.
Dana: yeah...yeah. (trying to settle herself)
Ben: (as he begins to pump again) Okay. Are you okay?
Dana: Yeah.  Mmm Hmm.
Ben: Are you sure? Because I kinda feel like maybe you're not into it.

She screams and moves in the way people afraid of bugs scream and move. They break apart. She reveals it was a bug - a spider. Ben seems a little exasperated and little disappointed, but only slightly. She's pulling up her panties. It's over.

Dana: I'm sorry.
Ben: No. It's okay. It's cool.
Dana: (said in the way one might say, I'm sorry.) I'm not a woodland person.

Ben: Okay. (The give each other a resigned kiss) Do you want me to help you finish or...
Dana: (waving her arm as if to say, nah this is over, let's move on) No. My parents...Let's get in the car.

They finish dressing and begin to head off.

Scene 2: Park Bench Over The Pants Rub-Off
Dana's making out with a dude on the park bench, and we see him reach down towards her clit area over her jeans. The shot moves to a close up of them kissing, and he's presumably working the clit area he just touched. By her face, she seems to like it. She says, "Oh. Oh my god." It doesn't exactly seem like an orgasm vocalization, but definitely like what he's doing is gonna get her there. Then it cuts.

Scene 3: The Eating Pussy Instead Of Popcorn At The Movies
This is a quick scene. She's sitting in a movie theater. We're looking at her from the front. There are rows of seats and people in front of her. She's drinking a coke or something. We see the dude's head pop up from under her and get a drink and then move back down. When he goes back down she clearly gets some sensations she really likes and gasps and smiles and giggles and has to put her hand over her mouth. The scene ends.

Three Scenes And They All Have At Least A Glance Toward Lady-gasm  

The first scene, to me, is a distracted-lady sex scene. 
We as the audience can see that she's never gonna come because she's just too damn distracted. In this case it's because, ya know, bugs and nature and shit. It's one of the best of this genre of sex scene.

1 The guy fucking her actually notices that she's not into it and asks her about it. You don't realize how common it is to depict a distracted-lady sex scene and the dude is just completely oblivious. I don't even call those types of scenes distracted-lady scenes. I like to call them oblivious, shit partner scenes. In fact, I just reviewed a scene like that for The Year of Spectacular Men. It was supposed to be a quirky, awkward distracted scene. However, it was truly a shit partner scene even if the movie never acknowledged that reality. Those scenes normalize things I don't want normalized, well don't want normalized any more than they already are.

Point is, if one partner in sex isn't into it, that should be recognized by the group. That's just manners. But too often it seems like women being 'not into it,' and the partner not seeing it at all, although it's painfully obvious, is just played for laughs. It never seems to focus on how oblivious and shitty the partner was but how awkward the woman and the sex were. It makes it seem like women going through with sex acts even though they are truly not aroused or 'in it' at all is very, very normal, and not something the partner should think twice about.

Granted, I think these scenes are sadly pretty realistic because that's what's actually happening way too often out here in the real world, but it's kinda fucked up if you really think about how shitty and gross a sex act is if you are completely unaroused, and how much you miss by not being in arousing sex acts.

Plus, and let's be honest here, assuming it's fine to not notice if the women/person you're with is not aroused or into the sex you're doing to them is, well, a slippery slope towards rapey-ness. It's bad that women feel they need to keep going, and bad men feel they shouldn't stop and take stock if she's losing interest. All that to point out clearly that I really appreciate that this character even noticed her and asked about her. It's real basic, so basic we shouldn't be applauding it, but sadly - that kind of thing is still worth applauding.

2 Ben asked if she wants him to help her finish. Again, this should be too basic to applaud, but it is incredibly, sadly, still applaud-worthy (Ben's for sure a Good Boy who deserves an Award. Look it up). I mean, usually if a woman is not depicted coming during a sex act, no one bats an eye. It's just the natural way of things because either he finished so the sex is over, or he didn't finish so the sex is over. Period. So, I appreciate that he asks about it. It helps to normalize a situation in which ladaygasm is as intergral to the sex act as the male orgasm is.

However, it's not perfect. Overall, this scene was just a gal getting a penis pumped into her vagina from behind. There were no hands or anything stimulating her clit area, so realistically this situation would not be something one would expect to make a lady come, even if she weren't distracted.

So, although she didn't come (which is realistic in this situation no matter how you slice it, and I appreciate they kept it realistic), and there was the uncommon and lovely to see 'ask' about her ladygasm, it's still quite intercourse-centric. The thing is, why would he even ask her if she was going to come? Ain't nobody working that clit, so the answer is no, Ben.

Seriously there is no physical evidence that stimulating the inside of the vagina, like one does during intercourse,  has ever caused an orgasm in all of scientific literature. So, ya know, expecting her to come by getting fucked from behind is ridiculous...even though people all over expect that to happen all the time because as a culture we're truly ignorant about how female orgasms happen...but I digress. Like I said, it's a good scene -SSL Review speaking - but it's not perfect.

The 2nd and 3rd scene, however are pretty much on point. 
Both are a scene between a man and woman where stimulation to the lady genitals is depicted, but not to the male. Not only that, but where the stimulation is happening - to the clit/vuvla area - is realistically a place where stimulation could realistically bring her to orgasm. Now technically neither of these depict an orgasm, and thus are not technically SSL Reviewable. They both stop before the orgasm. However, I couldn't not SSL Review them because both show that she is likely on her way there. Plus, giving total focus to manual and oral stimulation on a lady is fairly rare in media. I had to.

Scenes like these will help to balance depictions of sex in media by adding weight to the realistic lady-stimulation-for-lady-gasm side. This is incredibly important because the more we see things in the media, the more normalized they become, which makes it seem more like things other people do, which means it isn't abnormal (not weird, maybe even cool), and from that point it places itself into the possibilities of our sex activities. It becomes something people do, and thus something you could do. With enough normalization it might even become something that seems naturally part of sex. It's a long road, but man, if clit stimulation becomes as normal a part of sex as penis stimulation - this orgasm gap thing would be on its way out.

The Vulva Rating
I think those last 2 scenes that focus exclusively on actual sexual interactions that might lead to her orgasm is not only cool and awesomely normalizing of clit-stimulation, but it also makes goddamn sense. She's the main character and why wouldn't the scenes of her exciting sex adventures focus on her?

The opening scene is realistically unorgasmic, but I'm not certain if the intention behind the lack of orgasm was because she was not into it (and so maybe not into diddling her clit while she got fucked because she just wanted to get it over with and away from the bugs) or if it was because she wasn't into it and thus was mentally not able to come from what was happening to her. The first way would acknowledge that the fucking alone with no additional clitoral/vulva stimulation would not realistically be expected to make her come and the 2nd way assumes that with the right mental state, getting fucked that way would realistically make her come. The first way makes sense and the second way is silly, misinformed, and problematic.

Truth is though, I don't know which it is. I could see either way. The dude does ask her at the end, even though he didn't come, if she wants him to help her come. That seems to me like he's talking about manual stimulation and that makes me think he was meant to understand that this is how she comes, but again, I'm making assumptions. I like that he asks, though. It heightens the importance of her orgasm in the sexual encounter which rarely happens for female characters (and sadly actual females). I also appreciate that he notices that she's not into the sex, asks her about it, and discontinues the sex without too much sulking when it's clearly done on her end. So, him even noticing her distraction is rare, and although a bare minimum of considerate human interaction, much appreciated. Oh, the things we could discuss about women's willingness to do sex stuff that sucks and men's willingness to ignore how much it sucks for their partners is huge, people. Huuuge.

All that to say that I like the tone of this movie and it's general direction of noticing and talking about and depicting clitoral stimulation and female orgasm focused sex act. It feels to me like there was real intention to be thoughtful about lady-sex needs. Yes, there is this sense in the first sex scene that maybe getting banged with no extra clitoral stimulation might be enough to get a woman off, and yes, I think most audience members would just take that sense in without question because it is so normal of a thing. But that scene also insinuates other better things too, and it makes me want to be kind with my vulva rating, so I'm giving this a 4 1/2 out of 5 vulva rating.

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