12.29.2017

Almost Christmas - The SSL Review



Almost Christmas
I love Christmas movies, and I ain't ashamed of it. I will watch them all. I will watch the Hallmark made for TV Christmas movies and complain the whole damn time that they made a Christmas movie and didn't even take the damn time to deck all their shit out with Christmas. Give me tinsel and garland and trees and lights and all that. I am thirsty for it. Anyway, like I said, I will watch them all, but I LOVE a sweet and well made one. So, lucky me, I spent the night at my sister's this Christmas Eve, and after all her kids went to bed, and Charlie headed home, and my dear, dear brother-in-law fell asleep like a rock on the couch next to us (seriously, this man sleeps harder than any person I've ever met. My sister and I broke a window once trying to wake this man up when we locked ourselves out of their house. He wasn't even drunk or anything. He never woke up - I mean he did. He's alive, but it was the next morning). So all that to say, me and my sister got to hang out alone Christmas Eve night with our hot beverages, Christmas treats and Santa related business. It was fab, and the icing on the cake was that my sister had just recently seen Almost Christmas and wanted to watch it again. It had not been on my radar, and I was very pleasantly surprised. It was just what I wanted. PLUS. Mo'Nique is in this. I love this woman. My sister introduced me to her stand-up years and years agao, and we've been fans for a long time. And, this woman can bring the acting as well. Frankly, she is a joy to watch in whatever she does. She also made a movie several years ago call Phat Girlz, which is, yes, quite low budgety, but I really loved.



Why I'm blogging about this is because there was a very small line in this movie that made it SSL Reviewable. Okay, for those not yet in the know. An SSL Review is a critique of depictions or discussions of female masturbation, female orgasm, or the clit. I only discuss those scenes - not the movie as a whole (unless I feel like talking about more), and I try to focus on the realism of the depiction/discussion and also how it fits into a larger cultural discussion of female orgasm and sexuality.

Check all the SSL Review movies HERE and TV SSL Reviews HERE.

The Scene
This is one of the more simple and easy SSL Reviews I have done, and it will get a good Vulva Rating as well. So, this movie is a classic family-gets-together-for-the-holidays-and-tries-to-get-along story. Mo'Nique is the aunt who loves them all, but tells 'em straight. She's a back-up singer and has worked with all the greats. She's fabulous and has a new wig in almost every scene. The youngest, college age, son has a friend (Eric) that has a huge crush on her, and he's always trying to give her a line or something.

At one point the family, along with this friend, Eric, are out playing football, and some of the older folk are watching on the sidelines. So Eric gives her some eyes from the field, and the others on the side line comment about him liking her to whcih she replies, "I've got vibrators older than that child."


The SSL Review
I mean, this wasn't directly a discussion of female masturbation, but it was an insinuation of it, and I count that as SSL Review eligible. I mean, there's not a lot to say here except that any time a woman in a mainstream movie lets us know that she masturbates, and there isn't also a demonization of it, it helps to normalize the idea that women are desiring, sexual people capable of and possessing the right to touch their nether regions and bring themselves, by themselves to orgasm.

We need more of that because frankly, the norms of male-female sexual interaction focus on P-in-V intercourse which, contrary to popular belief, is a completely shit way for women to get an orgasm....so we ladies, as well as our partners, need to be comfortable with and willing to include female masturbation into the sex act if we ladies are going to have any hope of coming as regularly as men do during sex.

Thus, this lovely Christmas movie gets a solid 4 vulva rating from me.

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12.26.2017

5 Christmas Movies #DirectedByWomen For Your Holiday Enjoyment: A Retro Post



I've been focusing on the day job and family the last week, and after leaving my sister's house tonight after a lovely and also strange Christmas day, I realized I missed my self-imposed blog writing deadline by about 3 days. Being that I didn't want to write anything new when I got back home, but I also wanted to post something so you know I'm alive, I thought I'd pull a retro, Christmas-related post and put it up again for you. I thought it might be useful for those of you who don't have to work and are also still wanting to do some holiday movie watching even if the 25th has just now barely passed.

So here it is originally from November 29th, 2015.

I started doing this categorized List of 5 movies thing where I showcase movies that were directed by women and that I have actually seen. It all started during the Directed By Women Worldwide Viewing Party in September, and it was pretty fun, so I've continued doing it from time to time. It's not usually about lady-gasms or anything like that, but I think it fits the blog because 1. this blog is also about indie movie-making, and 2. this blog is partially about getting the female perspective of sexuality into our media. So, to me, supporting female voices in our media - means we're creating more room for female voices to speak on all types of things, which sometimes will be sex, orgasms and sexuality. You can find all my lists HERE.

Today's will be Christmas Movies. So get some hot chocolate, some popcorn and enjoy these holiday treats.

Preacher's Wife - This was directed by the good ol' Penny Marshall. I was supposed to go see this movie on one of my first dates with Charlie, but we ended up making out in my car instead. So, I didn't actually see it till years later. It's a sweet one.





Mixed Nuts - This was directed by Nora Ephron. What can I say? A wacky ensemble Christmas movie. You may have forgotten about this one or never seen it, but remember it for your Christmas movie night festivities this year.





Black Nativity - This was directed by Kasi Lemmons. I'm a sucker for a good, kind, Christmas movie, and this one certainly delivered.



Frozen This movie was directed by Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck. I'm counting this as a Christmas movie due to all the snow and the snowman and all that. I think it counts.



The Holiday - This was Directed by Nancy Meyers. Granted, I didn't give this one a good SSL Review, but I enjoyed the movie in general. SSL Reviews and regular reviews often don't match up - that's just the way of it. Seriously though, I highly recommend this one for a cool Saturday afternoon in December.

  

12.19.2017

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S4 Ep16: The SSL Review



Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 4 Episode 16
This is the very first and maybe the last Brooklyn Nine-Nine SSL Reviewable moment I've encountered in the series, and it's barely SSL Reviewable, but I thought it'd be fun to write about. It's a over-air prime time TV show, so they're generally pretty tame and don't get into stuff like clits, lady-bation, or lady-gams. But on occasion it happens. This SSL Reviewable moment is quite innocent and fun. You'll see below. I really do like this show, so I'm glad I get to include it in the big TV Master List . When it's on its game, it's really funny, and Andre Braugher as Capt. Ray Holt brings the damn thing every time.



SSL Review
Before we get to it, though, a quick reminder about an SSL Review. It is a critique specifically of the depiction or discussion of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I'm particularly looking for the level of physical realism and for how the depiction/discussion fits into the larger cultural conversation about female sexuality and orgasm. Sometimes I comment on other aspects of the movie/TV show. Sometimes I don't. This SSL Review ain't that deep, though.

Please feel free to check out all the SSL Reviewed movies HERE and the SSL reviews TV shows HERE.

A Fresh, Heaping Glass of Orgasm Juice
So, this was actually kind of 'a very special episode' relating to police interaction with people of color, but I don't think it was as cheap and heavy handed as these types of episodes often are. I think it was done pretty well - with a mix of humor, seriousness, and a touch of nuance. There was some thoughtful interaction that seemed quite genuine to me between 2 of the main characters, both black male cops but of different generations, about how to deal with a particular cop transgression related to race. Anyway, like most of Nine-Nine, I think it was written a bit above the average for a network sitcom.

So, ends up, two cops (Amy and Jake) are babysitting the twin daughters of their Sargent, Terry Jeffords (Terry Crews) while he goes to deal with the racially motivated transgression against him while he was off duty. The two babysitter cops are trying to avoid answering the girls' questions about what happened to their dad (the girls are named Cagney and Lacey BTW), but eventually they do address it head on, feel good about themselves, and then Amy tells the twins, "Well, if you guys have any other questions, we're here for you." To which the girls' respond. "What's an orgasm?" Clearly we see Amy and Jake were not prepared for that question, and it cuts.

Later, at work Amy and Jake are talking to Terry. He was thanking them for babysitting and talking with the girls. And Amy says, "I'm sorry I told them orgasms was another word for oranges. I panicked." Terry returns, "Yeah, it did make it awkward when they asked for orgasm juice this morning, but I was more talking about the other stuff." 



Then it all starts to wrap up after this.

The SSL Review
There's nothing too super deep here, and it doesn't specifically relate to female orgasms as opposed to male orgasms, so like I said above, this is barely SSL Reviewable. However, there is one thing I thought was interesting. The classic move here would be to have kids ask where babies came from, but they said orgasm instead. If I were to guess about what went on in this writer's room, I'd say they saw the clear move to the kids asking about babies, and quite correctly thought that would be the cheap, easy move so the stepped it up a notch to orgasm for the sake of better comedy. I respect that on pure comic writing grounds, but I think it has the extra bonus effect of creating a mainstream discussion of sexuality that takes the focus from the reproduction element of sex to the pleasure element.

That switch doesn't happen often, especially in network TV because the pleasure part of sex seems so much dirtier and less palatable for the audience, so this little crumb that Brooklyn Nine-Nine gave us is much appreciated. The more we as a culture can unlink sexual interaction with reproduction (and thus the male orgasm giving but rarely female orgasm giving act of penile vaginal penetration) the more we can create a cultural norm of sexual interaction that it inclusive of non cis, of non hetero, and of female sexual pleasure and orgasm.

I give this probably non-intentional boost to sex-as-more-than-a-penis-in-a-vagina-to-make-a-baby a 4 out of 5 vulva rating. It's overall good for Orgasm Equality, but not super progressive or even intentionally meant to be anything for Orgasm Equality.

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12.15.2017

Sex and the City S3 Ep 5-8: A Retro SSL Review



My new little segment is back for a 11th round (Here's the others). It's a modified, lazy version of an SSL Review. It's just me transcribing my notes, page by page, on all of the Sex and the City episodes. I watched them all - not necessarily in order - during 2007 and 2008, and I took notes on the depiction/discussion of female orgasm and female masturbation. It was my early attempt at this type of lady-gasm review stuff. Anyway, I never actually created reviews from these notes, but since they exist, I'd like to get them out there on the interwebs before they get burned in a house fire or something...thus this series.

Ramona and my SATC Notes

Anyway, the fun of this will be that I will transcribe these as word for word as I can while still trying to make it be a sensible read. I'll post a pick of the notes for your reference. I'll do one or more episodes at a time - from the beginning of the notebook to the end. I may add notes for clarification or add my SSL-Review-style comments.

Hopefully the notes I took privately 10 years ago won't make me look like a dumb asshole. I will add them in the TV SSL Review Master List  (of course you are also welcome to check out the Movie SSL Review Master List as well). Here we go.




SATC Notes Season 3 Episodes 5 and 6

Season 3 Episode 5

  • Charlotte has sex cowgirl style w/ husband. No orgasm or anything.
  • Samantha had strap-on sex with lesbian lover. Didn't see it, and nothing much said about it except that Sam threw her back out fucking girl


Season 3 Episode 6

  • Sam - "Come on. You need to get online if nothing else just for porn."
  • Sam - orgasm from guy going down.
  • Charlotte cowgirl going at it hard - talking about dinner plans. It's 'cause she wants a baby.
  • Miranada had guy lick asshole. Then girls talked about it thought wierd, but 'go for it - don't do it back.'
  • Sam cowgirl no orgasm or pleasure or anything
  • Miranda - guy was putting his ass in the air for her to eat, but she said she didn't want to

Modern Day Me Comments
Most of these were just notes on sex stuff and not actual depictions or discussions of female orgasm, masturbation or the clit. So, that means I care little about most of these.

Sam orgasming during oral sex is clearly something I'm behind. It's realistic since the assumption is that oral sex involves consistent mouth stimulation to the clit vulva area (which is the area needing stimulation in order for lady-gasms to happen). So, the only actually SSL Reviewable thing in here was positive.

A couple other things before I go though.

1. If Sam threw her back out fucking a woman with a strap-on dildo, then I will venture to say she was fucking that woman too hard. Settle the fuck down, Samantha. I know you as a character are constantly having unrealistic fake-gasms from getting banged into a wall, so it makes sense you would do the same to another woman if given the chance. However, banging does not lady-gams make...bruised cervixes, I imagine, are more likely the end result of getting rammed so hard your partner injures him or herself.

2. Ha - this is so old they are discussing whether one should get on the internet

3. You're telling me these SATC bitches haven't gotten into either end of asshole licking before this point?

12.11.2017

5 Movies #DirectedByWomen That You Can Watch With The Young Folks This Winter Break



I started doing this categorized List of 5 movies thing where I showcase movies that were directed by women and that I have actually seen. It all started during the Directed By Women Worldwide Viewing Party in September 2015, and it was pretty fun, so I've continued doing it from time to time.

It's a bit off-topic from my normal fare, ya know, being that it's not specifically about lady-gasms or anything like that, but I think it fits the blog because
1. this blog is also about indie movie-making, and
2. this blog is partially about getting the female perspective of sexuality into our media. So, to me, supporting female voices in our media  means we're creating more room for female voices to speak on all types of things, which sometimes will be sex, orgasms, and sexuality.

You can find all my 5-movie lists HERE.

It's getting near the ol' winter break, which means many of you will have your children lounging around your house all day instead of in school, or you'll be at your parents or siblings houses with a bunch of kids around. You want to choose a great lady-directed movie, but you also need it to be kid friendly. what to do? Well, here's 5 options. If these don't work, there's more in the master list, and if you're looking specifically for holiday related movies - head directly to find 5 of those HERE. This is the list of 5 movies by women directors for the younger crowd this winter break.

1 Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging - This one was directed by Gurinder Chadha. It's from a Young adult novel by the  same name I believe, and I ended up catching this movie on TV while at my in-laws. My youngest sister-in-law at the time was in the age range for this. I believe she had read the book. Anyway, we all got caught up in it. It's a YA novel story for sure, but I thought it was heads above the pack in terms of the story and the morals and the roundness of the characters. It was a good movie, and I'm glad I happen to catch it.





2 Aquamarine - This was directed by Elizabeth Allen Rosenbaum. When I'm at home by myself doing this and that...maybe doing some rote day job work on the laptop or cleaning a bit, I like to watch movies, and teen movies about friendship are high on the list. This is how I came to watch this movie, and although it was a good while back and I can't remember a lot of details about it, I remember thinking it was a good choice and exactly what I'd hoped it would be. 





3 The Prince and Me - This one was directed by Martha Coolidge. This was another one that I chose to watch while cleaning on a Saturday. I believe I had seen pieces of it on TV before that. It has a now classic independent-career-driven-woman-who-has-absolutely-no-interest-in-being-slowed-down-by-a-dude-but-can't-help-falling-in-love character, which I'm pretty much over, but there were sparkles and a classic rom-com teen fantasy. So, it was an overall good watch. (Side note: I always check out what other movies these directors have made as I'm writing these posts, and Martha Coolidge seems to have some badass stuff from the 70's and 80's that I'd love to find, watch, and add to these lists)





4 Shark Tale - This one was directed by Bibo Bergeron, Vicky Jenson, and Rob Letterman. I saw this with some nieces and nephews. It has a lot of stars, a lot of music, and the kids all liked it, so it's a good one if the kids hanging around your house are a bit younger.






5 Beyonce: Lemonade - As you probably already know this was directed by Beyonce and Kahlil Joseph. I saw this a bit after it came out. A friend had it, and I thought it was absolutely lovely. Granted, 'kid's movie' might not be the first thing that comes to your head when you think of Lemonade, but why not? Yes, there are some F-bombs and some sexual-ish stuff, but there's also fab music, engaging visuals, dancing, and a badass woman putting a very personal and in many ways revolutionary piece of art out there. There's lots to talk with them about during and after, and really it's the kind of thing we should expose the tweens and teens (and maybe younger) kids in our lives to...and genius bonus - it's art they'll actually like so it might actually make an impression.


12.07.2017

1977 Hustler Review Series #6: Lady-catching Ad



Why I'm SSL Reviewing a 1977 Hustler
So there is a fab lady named Jill Hamilton. She made it into the Orgasm Equality Allies List a good while ago for her various writings. She's awesome and she's goddamn funny. She writes the blog In Bed With Married Women, which you will not regret reading, and she's revo-fucking-lucionizing the classic Cosmo Sex Positions lists.

Now here's where Hustler comes in. She had a give away on her blog, and we readers had to comment and tell her what we wanted so she could pick randomly and ship shit out to us. I saw she had a vintage Hustler, and so I asked - nay begged - for it. I promised to SSL Review it cover to cover, and here I am doing just that.

An SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussion and/or depiction of female orgasm and/or female masturbation in media (usually I do this for movies or TV not magazines, though). I particularly pay attention to the realism and scientific accuracy of the depiction/discussion and how it fits within the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality.

Feel free to check out the previous SSL Reviews of the Advice Column, the Porn Movie Reviews, a Bondage articleKinky Korner erotic story, and Sex Toy Ads.

Today I'll be SSL Reviewing one simple full page ad on how dudes can teach themselves to get themselves a gal.

A Class in Bedding A Lady
Apparently this dude named Dick Whitsom (which is just a bit too strangely close to Dick Whitman, don't you think?) was shy and shitty in bed in his youth, but read a bunch of self-help books to overcome it. He also got an undergraduate and graduate degree in electronics and computer sciences (at 5 different colleges for some reason), and thought the method 'Programmed Instruction' that he used in his courses would work well for teaching men these lady-bedding techniques because of the useful and self paced, 'try, get-immediate-feedback, check and repeat' style. Anyway, this course being advertised in this 1977 Hustler is the result, and aren't you lucky you can read about it here. Enjoy the opening description below.
You can become more successful with women. This course in seduction and lovemaking techniques uses Programmed Instructions, homework assignments and supplementary readings to teach you how to overcome shyness and pick up girls, how to recognize sexually available and high-orgasm women, how to read female body language, how to be a memorable lover and how to use computer logic to program your way to a successful seduction.


Okay, so I'll get back to the "high-orgasm" woman part, which is the only actually SSL Reviewable (because it depicts/discussedes female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit) thing in this ad, but I just want to point out a couple other creepy parts first.

Basic Creeper Stuff
So first let me show you the ad's expansion of "How to read female body language"
What subconscious message is she sending when she strokes her hair or crosses her legs? Learn to interpret these nonverbal signals and to know her most intimate feelings, even before she herself is fully aware of them.
Well, she's probably crossing her legs because she wants to shift her body after sitting another way a bit too long, but you know, it could also mean she desperately wants to fuck you, but like doesn't realize it yet...

Ummm, so if this isn't some classic misreading of women to suit your own needs, I don't know what is. It's also got this super awesome element of putting the idea into men's heads that women don't really even know what they really want...that there's a secret code you must crack to get women to do what they don't even realize they want to do...put out. I mean it's a touch of a rapey mentality, but it's pretty common even to this day (I wrote about this recently in relation to some male comedians and inappropriate masturbating).

Secondly, let me also show you the ad's expansion of  "How to recognize the sexually available woman"
Would you like to score more often? Would you like to walk into a singles' bar and know which girls are looking for action? In this lesson you learn to recognize five female signals that shout, "Proposition me, I want some loving."
So we're clearly staying with the rapey-ish vibe. I'm oh so curious as to what these signals are that shout out at men to bother the fuck out of women they think 'want it.' I mean, I'm sure they're fool proof.

Bullshit and Scientific Tomfoolery
Okay, but back to the "high orgasm female" - here's the ad's expansion of  "How to recognize the high-orgasm woman"
Would you like fantastic bedmates, satisfying lovers and a faithful wife? All these can be yours if you search for and find the high-orgasm woman. Modern science has now provided sufficient data to enable an aware man to recognize a high-orgasm woman.
No science has not - mainly because a 'high orgasm' woman is not an actually scientifically defined thing at all. Granted, you will find plenty of science-y people and writing out there that claim some women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation without additional outer clitoral stimulation. It's quite a common claim even in peer reviewed journal articles and there is much speculation about what is different in these women vs. women who either haven't orgasmed or only orgasm through clitoral/vuvla stimulation. I think many would consider these orgasm-from-only-banging women 'high-orgasm" women. Problem is, women who can orgasm from only vaginal stimulation are merely hypothetical from a scientific standpoint. A woman has literally never been physically observed orgasming in that manner. There's no proof that's even possible except that some women say they can - which unfortunately is not the scientific proof one needs to claim it is actually a thing.

My point is, women orgasm from their clit and men orgasm from their penis. It's pretty simple and intact, healthy people all have pretty similar physical capabilities in that area. Contrary to popular belief there's no physical proof there are different kinds of orgasming women, meaning there are not high-orgasming and low-orgasming "types" of women.

What is true, though, is that women get judged on their orgasm capability for completely unscientific and unfair reasons.  A large portion of sexual interaction involves stimulating the penis but focuses on the vagina instead of the clit. Thus lots of women, who are absolutely capable of orgasming with the right type of stimulation, don't even have a chance of coming at all during sex, because the wrong thing is getting touched (well maybe banged is a better word).

So often during a sexual encounter, we ladies have 3 main roadds we could travel. We can either fake and seem like "high-orgasm" women; don't fake and seem like "low-orgasm" women, or take lots of time and energy redirecting partners to do the things we need to orgasm and be deemed any number of things including a bitch, a frigid bitch, a high-maintenance lover, a woman that doesn't 'let go' enough to come vaginally, or on the rare occasion with the rare partner sexy and knowledgeable about her body. 

I'd like to say that last one is a common outcome, but it's not. The redirecting of men away from the most common and familiar ways of having sex towards ways that actually are arousing and orgasmic to women is often met with unrecoverable embarrassment, arrogance/ignored, anger, or half-hearted half-assed attempts to do what we want before going right back to doing what they want/are comfortable with. The whole redirecting process often ends up being unarousing or maddening to us which doesn't lend itself to a good sexual experience. It doesn't have to be bad. It could be chill and reasonable, and hot to talk about our needs and wants, but frankly that is often not the environment that is created. So, we all react in whatever way makes sense to us at the time....and then we get deemed high or low orgasming as a result. It's stupid and this idea of seeking out high-orgasm women is stupid, silly, and not all that great for women's sexual experiences in general.


Vulva Rating
Seriously, this idea of a different type of women that is somehow wired differently and can thus orgasm more easily and in more ways is a sick and twisted fantasy that stems from our ignorance of how females orgasm and leads to a lot of unnecessary stress, sadness, and feelings of inferiority in both women and men.

Also, this is just kinda full of creepy advice.

This gets no vulvas

Zero Vulvas

12.03.2017

Inside Amy Schumer S1 Ep5 - The SSL Review



Inside Amy Schumer Season 1 Episode 5
This show makes me laugh, and here's the best part. Amy Schumer tends to bring it when it comes to realism and female sexuality. She brought it in her movie Trainwreck, in The Joe Rogan Podcast, and largely in the other episodes of this show I've SSL Reviewed so far. She has shown a strong willingness to give the clit the glory it deserves, speak some truths about lady sex experiences, rep for actual lady-gasms - and that is what this blog is all about. (She could use some schooling and humbling when it comes to speaking about race though).



SSL Review
There is plenty to SSL Review in this show. And for those that don't yet know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussions or depictions of female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit. I'm looking at realism (for instance, was the physical thing happening during the depicted orgasm, actually something that would realistically cause a woman to orgasm?). I'm also stepping back and asking how the depiction/discussion plays in the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and women's sexuality. The TV show or movie might be fantastic and get a bad SSL Review or vice versa.

Please, my friends, do enjoy more SSL Reviews for MOVIES and TV SHOWS.

The Scenes
THE BACHELORETTE PARTY
This skit involves a bunch of female friends at a bachelorette party/ shower. They are all giving the woman of honor her gifts, and it's really a skit about one-upping each other, but they're doing it with vibrators.
Amy opens the first gift and and it's a rabbit vibrating dildo where the dildo can go in the vagina and the vibrating bunny ears are right at the clit (see below).



Gift Giver 1: I use the same one myself. Let me just say, it really knows what it's doing. (As she said that she touched the clit touching rabbit ears).
She opens the next gift and it's another vibrating dildo that looks a lot like the one below.



Gift Giver 2: This one is called the Herminator, and it's the same one I use. It has an alarm clock and voice control. It is the best. no offense (looking to Gift Giver 1)
She opens the third gift and it's a purple vibrating, beaded Rabit dildo like teh one shown below.



Gift Giver 3: It's the good vibration's sweet sensation, and this thing makes my eyes pop out of my head...and become my vagina.
Gift Giver 1: "um, I just found the battery life on those things to be dog shit."
Gift Giver 3:  Um it's actually also a Boingo hotspot, and I know you travel a lot, so I'm just really considerate.
She opens the 4th gift and it's a sleek looking rabbit-style vibrating dildo like the one below.



Gift giver 4: It has GPS. you can download 5,000 songs on it. 
Then they all start one-upping and saying crazy stuff about what their gift vibrators can do - wifi, etc. Then one of them says the following.
Gift Giver 3: I just want you to know that I care about your vagina more than I care about my own and that's the most you can care. If that make sense?
Gift Giver 2: It does make sense, but I also care about your vagina a ton. You know, sometimes too much, I wonder. I do wonder that. You know I just... for me, I just really want your vagina to be on the brink of exhaustion at all times
Last one gives her a homemade vibrator (they say vibrator not dildo). I's made of like macaroni and it has pictures of their trips together. It's the favorite gift.


ASKING ON THE STREETS
This is just a little segment Amy does where she talks to random people on the streets of NY.
Amy: Would you ever get somebody a vibrator a a gift?
Woman 1: Yes, I think it the best gift ever!
Amy: My birthday's coming up 
Amy: Do you own a vibrator?
Friend 1: Uh, I used to, but it broke in college
Amy: What about you?
Friend 1: Mine didn't break - still in use.
Amy: Still rockin' out!  Praise the lord!

AMY GOES DEEP WITH A DOMINATRIX
This is a segment where Amy sits down with an interesting person and asks them whatever she wants.
Amy: What's something that your clients introduced you to that you've incorporated into your own lif?
Dominatrix: Oh - vibrator hands down.
Amy: Really?
Dominatrix: Oh yes!
Amy: What kind of vibrator?
Dominatrix: It's a Hitachi - it's that...
Amy: Wait, wait wait a minute. Can I have a pen? No one's afraid of an orgasm on this set.
Dominatrix: That's right  (with a little snap)
My Thoughts
vibrators are vibrators, not dildos
I mean, I love a vibrator episode, amiright? First off, they called them vibrators not dildos, even though many of the vibrator gifts were vibrating dildos. I appreciate that. It gives proper reverence for the truly important part of a vibrating dildo...the vibrations. That, my friends, is what jiggles the ol' clit/vulva area into orgasm. Yes, you can also stick it up inside you, and that's fun too, and good for, you know, the feeling of having something inside you. But stimulation of the clitoral glans area is what causes orgasm in women, just like stimulation of the penis causes orgasm in men.

Most of those fancy 'rabit' style vibrating dildos used as gifts in the Bachelorette skit are specifically created to give clit stimulation, though, and I think they were intentionally chosen because of that, which is awesome and much appreciated. In fact, Gift Giver 1 touched on the outer 'rabbit ear' clit stimulator when she said it "hit all the right parts." I can only assume that was an intentional way to point out that it's clit, not inner vagina, focused. I believe that because Amy Schumer (and probably also the writers and actresses around her) seems pretty cognizant of her role in adding realism to media about the clit being the focus of female sexual pleasure.

Also, if you don't know about these 'rabbit' style vibrating dildos, here's a quick lesson. You stick the dildo part in, get all that subtle inner vibes going (sometimes I think they even move around, like in circles or something - I don't know what that's gonna do, but it sounds fun enough to try out), and then you have a little outer part (could be rabbit ears, could be just a small appendage) that vibrates and hits right on the clit area while the rest is inside. Nice, right?

On an aside...having a dildo vibrate inside, instead of outside, is really quite nice too. I'd say it allows this nice subtle vibration to make its way out to your lips/clit area, and it's like a smooth arousal groove. It's nice. I didn't know about that fun until years into my vibrating life, but it's also a desperate tease. I find it gets me real aroused down there, but it just can't seal the deal. The vibrations are just too subtle, and too not focused where I need them. Maybe there are other women out there who have figured out how to get the vibrations happening inside to make enough waves hit the clit to get over the hump, but I haven't. And that's why I say you might as well have 2 vibrators, so if you want one inside, you can set the other one on top, near the clit to actually get you over the orgasm hill.

Why say 'vagina' when you could say 'clit' and be accurate and more interesting
And that brings us to the next point. All the women were talking about how the vibrator affected their 'vagina.' I don't think the word clit was ever even used. I feel pretty confident that they meant the whole 'down there,' when they said vagina. Honestly, that's a very common use of the word vagina, but in reality the vagina is literally the tunnel, not the outer parts. I tend not to be too much of a critic about people, especially in comedy, using 'vagina' incorrectly because it's the most common word for lady-junk. However, I think in this case, I'm a touch more critical because the vibrators are so dildo-ish and many people might assume they are intended more for vaginal stimulation than stimualtion of the clit/vulv area.

Plus, given that so many people don't even know where the clit is, the overall impression of this scene for a lot of people could just be a confirmation of the very common but incorrect feeling that vibrating dildos are great because they vibrate the actual vaginal canal, leading them to further incorrectly assume that the vagina is what needs stimulated to get great orgasms. I don't think that's the intended message from the Schumer writers, but it is what may have happened none the less. Honestly, (unless maybe the show allows vagina, but not clit said, which may actually be the case) saying clit in place of vagina up there would have made as much sense, and probably been funnier in some cases.

Love the Vibrator/Lady-bation Love
As for the women on the street and the badass dominatrix. Hells to the yeah. I love that they enthusiastically endorsed a vibrator, and that the show added to that enthusiasm. This is how we normalize female masturbation. (Even the one whose vibrator broke in college still admitted to having used one at least once...And bitch please, I know she she either still has one or she wishes she did but her partner's scared by them. It's a rare woman who uses a vibrator so much she breaks it and then just settle for her new non-vibrator life. It's insane. She knows how things can be with one. How could she go back?).

And, can I say that I love imagining this Dominatrix, who very likely quite enjoys her job, doing her job. I imagine she's saying and doing shit to dudes (and maybe some women, but I like thinking about doing this shit to dudes) that could be super wierd and fun as shit to do. She's using some improv and acting. She's getting to see intimate elements of strangers one rarely is privy to. She's able to care and heal maybe. She gets to dress in fun outfits, but it's probably not that sexy in the end. Then, one day, wham!, a client brings a vibrator for her to use. She's never tried one before, and as she's trying it, the heavens open and her life, both outside this job and inside, gets a little better, and that's truly a lovely thing.

My Vulva Rating
This is not a perfect SSL Review because I really do think the use of the word 'vagina' instead of 'clit' or even 'vulva' in the gift scene gave an overall wrong impression about how female orgasm works and how vibrating dildos are realistically used for getting a lady-gasm. (However, if an Inside Amy Schumer insider contacts me and lets me know that the word clit was preferred, but could not be used, well, then I might up the vulva rating).

Over all though it was very good, and I feel intentionally so. Like, there was thought put into giving praise for women getting their own in the orgasm department with vibrators. It was not only normalizing of female masturbation and the use of vibrators (because honestly people are still afraid of them and show that in their media - See SSL Review for Love S1), it was also downright enthusiastic about it. This gets a solid 4 out of 5 vulvas

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