Positions for Lady-gasm During Intercourse Advice is Bullshit
I was writing another blog post and started thinking about the type of advise women tend to get from sexperts in magazines and TV and internet about how to have orgasms hands-free during intercourse. What I thought was that it's some bull motha fuckin' shit. That's what I thought. Now granted there's some okay advise out there, but mostly it's not. Mostly, we ladies just get told how to squish and bend our physical needs into how sex is supposed to be rather than expand sex to mean things that meet our physical needs. I mean, it's not surprising. That's how it goes with ladies and sex . The 'norm' of sex and sexuality and sex drive and sexual imagery is all stuck revolving around male hetero desires, fantasies and orgasms. We ladies and our orgasms, fantasies and desires tend to be afterthoughts - if thought of at all.
Anyway, this hypothetical sexpert advice that I allege is widespread, but am too lazy to go on the internet and get some examples, often say things about positions during intercourse so that the base of the penis or the pelvis slides against her clit or touches the clit on each entrance or each exit. I'm always, like, 'yeah, that's cool, but some dude's intermittent body pressure against my clit while he moves in ways that feel good for him ain't gonna do shit.' That body to clit touching already happens by chance a million times a day to a million different women as they take the D, yet still most women don't orgasm during intercourse AT ALL.
Ladies, if you want to orgasm during intercourse, you must stimulate your clit in a manner that would get you off...and do it while you have a dick up in you.
That's how you will orgasm during intercourse. That shit is not going to happen while you lay motionless and let a man pump in and out of you. It's not going to happen while you ignore your clit, but bounce up and down enthusiastically on a dick. It's not even going to happen when a guy tries to do all the positions that keep your clitoral/vuvla area rubbing against his body while he fucks you. Okay, it might here or there during one of those things, but if it does, thank the stars because you got lucky and you won't know when it will happen again because you are not in control and aren't actively a part of the process to bring yourself to orgasm. We ladies got to actively move our hips and position our bodies in ways that give us the stimulation we need to orgasm. We know what feels right. We can make it happen...as long as we have willing partners that works with us and not against us, of course.
There is a refusal to acknowledge intercourse is good for male orgasm but not female
The thing is, I don't think many women or men know that the clit needs to be stimulated in order for a woman to orgasm, and they don't think about incorporating it into their sex. Or...people know that clits are REALLY important to female orgasm and know good and well how women masturbate (spoiler: it's with clit stimulation), but some kind of fucked up, mind-controlling, mass-hallucination spell keeps our brains from fully putting 2 and 2 together when it comes to our own personal sexual interactions. Like, "yeah clits are important and great, but...intercourse!" And then the active thinking ends.
I'm kinda over the top here, but I'm also quite serious. There is a block we people have about this. I know I had it real strong, and I see it all the time in how people talk. Annamarie Jagose hit the nail on the head when she wrote about the strange pervasive refusal for our culture to fully, specifically, truly acknowledge that the well known problem of women not orgasming as much as men will never end until we finally stop beating around the bush and admit that the idea of intercourse being mutually orgasmic for women as well as men is fantasyland.
But as a culture we have not admitted that yet. And that's why we get so much advise about male-female sex that acknowledges the importance of the clit to female orgasm (and really I'm just picking at the most progressive ones that even recognize the clit at all. There are plenty that completely ignore the clit and just tell women to get the dick in there the right way and hit the G-spot right or something), but doesn't go all the way and admit that the clit is not just important to female orgasm; it is female orgasm just like the penis is male orgasm. You don't hear people going around saying, "Now remember, the penis can be very important to most men's orgasm." Because that's obvious as fuck and you'd have to be a dumbshit sexpert to say something so obvious. We're too focused on intercourse and ignorant about the clit to have that kind of obvious knowledge about female orgasm, even though it is pretty obvious and we could acknowledge that...because contrary to popular belief, the female orgasm is not more mysterious or fickel than the male orgasm.
So, here's my take on how this advise should go.
The SSL Advice on Good Lady-gasm Positions During Intercourse
Hi ladies and gentlemen! Do you want to know what positions can help get a woman off during intercourse? Here's the down and dirty details that will set your love life on fire!
Here's the secret, ladies:
Do whatever the hell you need to do to get his body pressed in the appropriate way against your clit area (while still having his penis inside your vagina so you can technically say you orgasmed during intercourse) and then grind your hips however you need to for as long as you need until you come.
Here's some points to remember:
- It's very likely you will need to fight against his instincts to move in a particular way that his dick likes or that he think you likes. You may need to physically hold him still against you while you grind off or straight up tell him to stop pumping for a goddamn second so you can get some fucking clit time already. It might take some training. He may forget what you have clearly said and again start doing whatever he wants to, but keep at it and remember, there is a lifetime of bad habits habit and a culture full of wrong information inside both of you to overcome!
- You're going to actually have to know what it feels like to make yourself come before you get to this point. During sex with a sweaty man pumping on you is not the way to learn how you can grind your clit into an orgasm. If you have never masturbated, this probably ain't gonna work for you. Go masturbate. Take as long as you need, try whatever. Be by yourself. Stick with it. If you practice, practice, practice, you can be ready to adapt your method to the less than ideal situation of having a dude who's trying to come be all up in your grill while you try and make it happen.
- If you're worried about if your movements are wierd or bothering to your partner, then grow a pair of lips and just decide to get over it. Fuck his orgasm. He won't have any problem figuring out how to move his penis in your vagina to make himself come. He'll be alright. I promise. You do you. I feel pretty certain you've already spent too many months, years, decades not getting yours when you could have been. Don't waste another day. And if he gets shitty about it, fuck that guy.
- Or, for real, just rub one out while he's in you. It's awesome, and it's ridiculous that it even needs to be said. It should be obvious and common and we shouldn't even worry about whether or not there's a dick in you when you rub yourself off during a sexual encounter. But we as a culture do give a shit, so here's the trick: Don't give a shit if it's easy or not for him to get off using your vagina during it. Just get in a position where 1) you can reach your clit with a hand or vibrator; 2) you have good range of motion; 3) it doesn't cause hand/arm/body pain or fatigue if you are working that clit for any length of time. 4) there's a dick in you so you can technically say you came during intercourse. Then rub, grind, or vibrate (and ignore your partner if you have to) until you come.
- Or, and hear me out here, maybe don't worry about whether his dick is inside you and just make sure your clit gets stimulated appropriately to orgasm. 'Cause that's an option too.
There. Lucky you. Now you are ready to find great sex positions for your orgasm!