9.22.2017

Books, Mags, Plays, Music Art: A Big List of Things I Have Lady-gasm Critiqued



Over the years I've written in this blog about a variety of books, magazines, plays, and websites or threads. Sometimes I review/critique them. Sometimes I praise them. Sometimes I interview the authors about them. I want to get all of that in one place. I also want to build on it. There are so many more books that I want to talk about. There are so many more magazines that I want to SSL Review. This will be an ever growing list.



Here's the basics for those of you new to this blog.

SSL Reviews are critiques specifically of depictions or discussions of female orgasm, female masturbation or the clit. Sometimes in these, I rate them from 1 to 5 vulvas. (!)(!)(!)(!)(!). Sometimes I don't. Also, feel free to check out the TV and movie SSL Reviews.

As always, I'm open for ideas. So, if you've heard of something I should check out, please, throw 'em at me.

Books
The Hite Report by Shere Hite
This is less a review of the book and more of a look at some writings about the 30th anniversary of the book. Either way, this is an IMPORTANT book. I also write about it HERE

The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Study of Evolution by Elisabeth Lloyd
Absolutely fabulous and incredibly comprehensive book on theories about how the female orgasm evolved.

Female Sexual Response  - Hiroshi Yoshida 1961
A Kinsey Institute find. Hella on-point and almost a decade before Masters and Johnson

5 Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love by D. Claire Hutchins
The name seems cheesy and ridiculous, but the message is hella on point.

Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the construction of Sexuality by Anne Fausto-Sterling
You can't divide humanity into 2 distinct sexes. This book meticulously goes into why that's true, and it's super interesting

American Sexual Character: Sex, Gender, and National Identity in the Kinsey Reports
This is an interview with the author Miriam Reuman. It's maybe one of my favorite books. It's just really great.

Dilemmas of Desire: Teenage Girls Talk About Sexuality
This is an interview with the author Deborah Tolman. she is fab, and this book is a must read.

For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality 
This is an interview with the author Dr. Lonnie Barbach. The book and her research is so important, and if you have not ever orgasmsed and want to learn how, this is the book.

Slippery When Wet: One Woman's Journey Through the Mystery of Sex  by Dr. Joanna Ellington
A memoir of a super interesting lady who also invented a pretty sweet lube that is safe for trying to conceive. 

Masters of Sex by Thomas Maier
Some kinda random thoughts on this book about those titans of physiological orgasm research - Masters and Johnson.

The Duchess War by Courtney Milan
A guest SSL Review of this romance novel...and it's a good one  - Orgasm Equality Approved!

50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James
A guest SSL Review...not great in the lady-gasm realism department

Sex and Your Son, Sex and Your Daughter 
This isn't a book, it's a 1965 sex ed record for parents and kids to listen to together. I didn't know where to categorize this, so it's here.


Magazines
Cleo (a huge Australian women's magazine)
2 awesome Orgasm Equality articles by Gemma Askham
Breaking the Sexual Glass Ceiling and Beating the Orgasm Gap

Cosmo
Cosmo Sex Positions
Guess what? They're way the hell better than you remember them. In fact, strangely, they've got an orgasm equality flair that is simply badass these days.

January 2013 #1
Someone's embarrassed when their boyfriend finds their vibrator...for some reason 

January 2013 #2
From 'Rebound Sex , The Right Way'  - They use the word clit, and I'm pleased

January 2013 #3
From 'Rebound Sex, The Right Way' - we ponder how sad it is that a stat saying only 1/3 of women orgasm during rebound sex sits so unremarkably on a page instead of firing up the masses

January 2013 #4
From 'Rebound Sex, The Right Way' I read about The Corkscrew and find it a bit ridiculous 

Glamour 
Great article about Bad Sex April 2016 
The Article, by Gemma Askham tells the damn truth about the reality of so much hetero sex. also, i might have a quote in this one. 

Filament
June 2010  SSL Review
An awesome nudey magazine for women; smart and sexy and this issue got a 4 vulva rating

Hustler September 1977 Series
Kinky Korner SSL Review
How does Diane's orgasms during her wild phone sex with long-distance boyfriend Randy rate on the realism scale? Sadly, only 2 1/2 vulvas (!)(!)(!

An Article on Bondage - an SSL Review
So, a dude gets a bondage article, him and his lady try that shit for like a year, and he writes an article about it...kind of an informational article. I SSL review it.

An SSL Review of their X-rated Video Reviews
Dude, the storylines of these porns they are reviewing are insane. My eyes were opened you all. You need to check this. 

SSL Review of Reader Questions
Is she trying too hard to orgasm?; Is that dude a douche-bag for being bothered his lady really likes getting her own? (yeah probably); incorrect orgasm rate knowledge; and faking or a strong vag? 

Playboy
Playboys from my youth and their affect on me
I had a different perspective of feminism back in the day when I was reading my dad's Playboys

March 1995 - Playboy Advisor
This dude has the wrong idea about how to eat a lady out

February 2006 SSL Review
penis-growth ads, previous centerfold repping for cunnilingus, and insinuations through cartoons and poems that dicks give women orgasms. Only 2 vulvas (!)(!)

March 2006 SSL Review
Playboy Advisor's take on masturbating to sleep, their smug take on lady-gasms, and fair advise about sex toys; a fiction story about carrot masturbating; and some orgasm equality in a cartoon. (!)(!)(!) 

May 2006 SSL Review
Orgasmsing on weed, the length of a pig's orgasm, and a Playboy Party Joke about pantyhose. This issue got a 3 1/2 vulva rating (!)(!)(!)(!

Maxim
July/August 2013
They be talkin' about the vibrator like it's threatening or something

Plays
American Idiot (Pheonix Theater Indianapolis)
Liked the show, love the theater, but the on-stage orgas? Unrealistic given the physical things happening - only 1 vulva (!)

Music
A list of dirty, yet Orgasm Equality approved songs
enjoy

Play by David Banner 
This is a surprising heavy hitter in the Orgasm Equality team...but only if it's not censored

2 new Dirty Song SSL Champs
Love Again by Akinyele Back and 212 by Azealia Banks...dirty AND Orgasm Equality approved!

Songs to Eat Girls Out To
A song list out there with a fantastic purpose

Kisses Down Low by Kelly Rolands
I mean it's about kisses down low, so...

Peaches and Cream by 112
So all the ladies in the house if your peach the shit

Put your hands in the air represent your clique

Cindy Lauper and Divinyls bring it

Art
Cliteracy by Sophia Wallace
This is soooooo on point, sooooo Orgasm Equality. Check it, for real.

Alexandra Rubinstein's sexy dude art
Famous guys going down, old Playgirl pics, and vibrators

Eat Me: A Cunnilingus Themed Art Show
I mean, that says it all right?

The Magic Wand throughout Art History
A Tumblr with the classic Magic Wand Vibrator in old art. How you not love this?

Web
Threads
A recap of a Bodybuilding thread about Cliteracy
I randomly found this thread from 2013 (started by HorseCawk) and I loved it more than you could imagine. I had to recap.

My class is questioned on a thread about Blue is the Warmest Color
My blog was brought up by driver8 and Ratfink poo poos the my vulva rating system. I write about it, and then they find my blog and Ratfink turns out to be pretty cool

Romance fans have a pretty awesome discussion about orgasm in romance novels
I'm just sayin'...'sparkly rainbows of pleasure' and 'crashing on waves of ecstasy'

Informational Pages
Dr Phil's Female Orgasm Advise Page
I mean, it's not super great

Wikipedia
The lady-bation pics are a bit misinformed

Memes
Memes about Lady-gasms
memes about not believing in them, about them being complicated, and about the clit causing them

Some Female Masturbation Memes
chosen by me very quickly, mostly lady-bation positive-ish

General masturbation memes
self explanatory

More masturbation memes
still self explanatory

Faked Orgasm Memes
memes about ladies fakin' orgasms...'cause that shit happens ya'll





9.17.2017

Random Male Hite Report #23



Hello, friends. It's time for another Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.

Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.



Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.

 The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 223

The following page is in the section RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN in the chapter "Portraits of Marriage" These are longer form answers from men related to their marriage. The following is the end of one from a 37 year old man who is currently involved in 2 relationships, one with his wife of sixteen years and one with a woman he has been with for 3 years.

"....relationship, which had become emotional and physical over time. Even though we are now separated by a great geographical distance, I still feel closer to her than to anyone in the immediate vicinity. We continue to write each other a few times a week, at least, and are now planning to be together at a professional conference next year.
   "It is very likely that my present marriage will not last another couple years, and the biggest problem I must deal with is the ultimate reason for its breakup. Basically, I have come to feel that the marriage was a mistake, a feeling my wife had very early (but does not express now). Further, I need to know that the marriage is breaking up because of its own internal dynamic, that it is not because of an outside relationship I might have. In fact, I have made it quite clear to my special friend that she would not be the reason for the breakup, and that I would not expect to jump into another marriage. i have told her that, because I love her so very much, I would hope that we remain close, but I was not interested in tying her down to any single relationship. I merely want to be close, within her reach if she should need a very special friend. I know that I need her friendship, but I refuse to attempt to control anyone anymore.
   "Though my wife and I continue to tell each other that we do share love, I am just not sure if either of us really means it. I think we care for each other at a fundamental level; we care what happens to each other and the children. I just think there has been too much pain and bitterness over the years for much in the way of 'love' to remain. this may well be a simplistic rationalization, I don't know, but I have not reticence about saying that I do love this special friend of mine. Sometimes my ego gets in the way and I wonder if she loves me more than the men in her other relationships. I quickly get beyond this, however, and I feel confident that we do love each other. and that no measurement is necessary in that knowledge. What do we get out of the relationship? We get each other and a greater sense of just who  we are, greater self-knowledge through clear awareness of the other. We do not 'play games' with each other; we are always open and even vulnerable. These are things I have never before experienced in any relationship. I refuse to be put in a position of possibly ending what we have found through each other.
    "It would be very easy for me to say that I feel (and have long felt) dominated by my wife. Truthfully, I don't feel that to be the case. That would merely be an excuse for not taking responsibility for my own life decisions. I was not forced into marriage, I was not forced to have a family, I was not forced to seek out new relationships, and I am not being forced to maintain any situation I might presently be in. It is possible that both my wife and I feel dominated and that we might blame it on each other, but the decisions we made early on were in many ways expected of us. I think we have grown out of those decisions but don't really know what to do about it at the moment, especially when it concerns two other individuals we brought into the world and to whom we have a deep responsibility." 
    "I have been married over twenty years. i got married because I was in love, and in those days it was the thing to do. We have stayed married because of our...

9.13.2017

Master of None S2 Ep 6: The SSL Review



Background
I like Master of None. If you read my shit often, you might realize that I like most of the shows I SSL Review. I mean, I don't spend too much time watching things I don't see some value in, but I think Master of None is just a really good show. I'm not saying anything new here. Critics have been loving on it since it came out, but I'm just saying I agree. I think it's just really solid, and there's all kinds of things about it that hit and exceed the mark. It's well worth a watch.



But on to other things. There is one kinda, sorta SSL Reviewable situation. It's actually not technically one, but I think it deserves a review anyway. So, as you may know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of a depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or masturbation and/or the clit. I evaluate realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?), and I also look at what the depiction/discussion reflect from and add to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality. A show could be good with a bad SSL review or vice versa, and I really try to keep an SSL review to the SSL reviewable scenes only, but if I feel like it, I can talk about anything I want to - because it's my blog.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

"New York, I Love You" S2 Ep6
First off, this was a great episode. There is for sure a story line in Master of None, but also, some of the episodes kinda veer off a bit and focus in on a theme or situation that somehow touches the main character's (Dev played by Aziz Ansari) life even if he's not the focus. "New York, I Love You," was an extreme case of that type of episode. It starts with Dev and his friends walking down the street and moves to focus on 3 other New Yorkers as they go about their lives and interact with others. It's a lovely story, and I won't ruin it for you by talking more about it than I need to. 

A Quietly Loud Ask For Cunnilingus 
One of the stories focuses on a deaf woman named Maya. We meet her as a cashier, but then we see her meet a friend for coffee, and as she does so, their conversation moves to the following.
Friend: So, what's the latest on the whole sexual situation?
Maya: Well, I haven't really said anything.
Friend: Well, it's not going to magically change unless you say something. Just be respectful and bring it up when you guys are in private. Maybe when you're going to bed. Hey, try it on me.
Maya: Hey Barry, can we talk about our sex life for a minute?
Friend: Sure what's up? You want to do it way more often and way better? I'm in!
Maya: Wow that was easy. Thanks Barry.
Later we see Maya with Barry in gift shop. They're talking about a party they are going to, and it gets to this:
Maya: Hey, maybe don't drink too much tonight. Maybe we can do something a little fun later.
Barry: I can drink and still do it.
Maya: I know, but we haven't done it in a while, and sometimes you say you can't because you drank too much.
Barry: That happened one time.
Maya: When was the last time we had sex?
Barry thinks about it too long.
Maya: If you have to think of it for that long, that's not good. You haven't gone down on me for two months. That's a problem.
Barry: What do you want me to do?
Maya: I want you to go down on me.
Barry: Right here, right now in the middle of the store?
Maya: Stop joking. I'm serious. I blow you all the time. I need you to step up and lick my vagina.
Barry: Look, I love your vagina. It's a fantastic vagina.
Maya: Then lick my vagina. It's not going to lick itself.
A woman comes up to them and chastises them for talking about this in public, telling them her kids know ASL as they run by signing 'vagina.' They apologize and then go back to talking.


Barry: Look, if we have a problem, you can talk to me about it in a normal way. You don't have to confront me in the middle of a store.
Maya: You know what? Just pay for the gift, and I'll meet you outside. I can't talk to you right now.
Barry: Fine.
Maya end up talking to someone at the front of the store, and then Barry walks up with their purchase. and they begin to talk. again. It ends with this:
Barry: Let's just hold off, go to the party, and we'll talk about this stuff later.
Maya:  How about this. After the party, we go home, and you lick my vagina. Then we can talk.
Barry: (smiles) Jesus, fine, can we go now.
Maya: (smiles) Yeah.
My Thoughts
To begin, ALS for 'lick one's vagina' looks a hell of a lot like actually licking one's junk, which I most richly loved. I particularly likes watching her say 'it's not going to lick itself, ' because well, I could see exactly what she meant.

Secondly, this didn't specifically talk about lady-gasms, lady-bation, or clits, so it's maybe not technically an SSL Reviewable scene, but here's my reasoning for reviewing it. The underlying thing here, I believe, is that this woman wanted a goddamn orgasm from her man. I don't mean to surprise anyone, but that's why we ladies like cunnilingus. It gives us orgasms. In fact it's the way many women have orgasms with a partner. So, to me this scene was really about both the clit and about female orgasm, because if it's done right, what Maya was asking for involves a mouth on a clit and a lady-gasm. That, and the sense that this scene was realistically accounting for actual female orgasm in its story line - in a way that is still quite unusual - made me feel like I had to do an SSL Review.

Let me get more into that last part. So, this whole situation was about a woman asking for what she wanted from her sexual partner. I like the general idea of that story line in media, but it's often done without a thoughtful nod to a realistic female sexual experience. I feel like a lot of times, when there is a storyline about a hetero woman not being satisfied with her sex life, it's because her man doesn't have sex with her as much as she wants or that he too quickly ejaculates after starting intercourse, or that he just can't get or keep an erection. Granted, for a variety of reasons, all those things might be something any particular woman might have a gripe with in her sexual relationship, but I can't help but find it a bit sad and silly that these are the problems our media tends to focus on in stories about ladies and their sex lives.

Let me just go out on a limb here and venture to say that the biggest, deepest gripe among hetero women about our sex lives is not how much we get it or if our man can bang us forever with a hard dick. It is simply that the sex we have isn't often orgasmic for us but is for our male partners. It's frustrating and sad, but the truth is, women are not orgasming as much as men during sexual encounters, especially in hetero relationships.

The other truth is that hetero couples have a lot of damn intercourse, and intercourse is shit for lady-gasms. There is absolutely no physical proof of an orgasm caused by stimulation inside the vagina in all of scientific literature, but yet we hetero people go forward with all this banging, assuming that it will be as orgasmic for women as it is for men and ignoring the fact that it isn't...all the while scratching our heads about all the women with 'sexual dysfunction' and joking/not-joking about women losing interest in sex over time in long-term relationships.

My point is that what women really want (and this wasn't in the Mel Gibson movie) is for sex to feel as hot and desperate and orgasmic as it feels to (I assume) most men. We want to be able to associate orgasm with our partnered sexual experiences from the very beginning of our sex lives and to sensibly expect that the vast majority of our sex encounters will obviously include orgasm...the way men do. Truth is, though, I'd guess we ladies often go about expressing that deep need in back-asswards ways. That's to be expected though because in many ways, culture leaves us as clueless about this as it leaves men. Most of us don't really view the clit/vulva area as being as important to our orgasm as the dick is to male orgasm. We also tend to have countless orgasm-less and shitty sex encounters that dull our expectations and arousal. We're a hot mess of orgasm-less/arousal-less encounters and ignorance of our own sexual anatomy that makes it hard for us to clearly verbalize what we feel and need in this department.

So, when I see a scene like the one in Master of None that starts to dig into that need in a way that seems to kinda 'get it' - at least a little bit, it's exciting...because do you know what might just possibly fulfill that need for us? Eating us the fuck out on the regular; pussy licking with abandon and joy and without us having to ask. We want to come. We want to think about how good it was the next day. We want to feel like our partners want to do the things that actually get us off.

So this whole scenario was about having more sex, but it was also about better sex, and oh-so-rightly, it was about him giving more and her getting the kind of sex that gets women off. This, to me, sets this situation apart from most that I see in media about women's problems with sex. It gets more to the heart of it, and I love it. It feels to me like it's from a woman's perspective, but not just any woman -  a woman that is willing to be bold about the realities of the female sexual experience. Probably this was actually written by men, but that's fine. It was saying the right things,and it's willing to speak about women's sexual problems beyond the surface, general way we normally hear about them. And I hope this type of talk continues to grow.

The Vulva Rating
Let me get one thing out. They do keep calling it a 'vagina' when it's actually a vulva that is the one needing licked, but honestly, vagina is often what people call the outer parts of female genitalia, so although incorrect language around lady-bits and lady-gasms irks me a touch, I can't be too mad about a show using common colloquial language. That's really my only gripe though. This little scenario, overall, was an orgasm equality win. Let me count the ways (3 ways, I guess)...

1 It equated better sex for a woman with cunnilingus - which is awesome because that is stimulation directly to the outer clitoral/vuvla area - which is realistically what can make a woman come. It is also awesome because I feel like so often women are depicted as equating better sex with longer intercourse or more intercourse, and again, maybe that is something a woman might want, but it is not a good, realistic bet for actually getting a female off.

Maya straight up asked for Barry to eat her out more. Then at the end he was all like, 'why don't we just talk about this later,' and she was all like, 'how about you just eat me the hell out tonight!' I love it because as a whole, it didn't downplay or marginalize her request. It is, really, a very simple request. I mean, it's simply asking a partner to do the thing during sex that will allow you to orgasm. It should not be problem or even a discussion, but too often cunnilingus is viewed as merely an extra instead of an important main way that a woman orgasms during a sexual interaction with a man. So, Maya's final foot-down stance - that there's really nothing to negotiate here - was kinda revolutionary. He starts giving her the kinds of chances to enjoy and orgasm from sex that she gives him, or he can fuck off.

3 Simply making the point in a major TV show that she blows him all the time, but he doesn't eat her out much, is important. You don't hear that much, but I guarantee that will resonate with a lot of women. It not only says something true, but it lays bare and inequity that a lot of women know to be true of their own relationships, but think it's just their own problem; like maybe there is something kinda gross about their junk that men wouldn't want to eat it, or that it's just normal that men don't like to do it. Speaking this inequity aloud both acknowledges that this is a larger cultural problem other women experience (not just you) and that it's a ridiculous problem because there's no reason that a dude should not be eating you out if you want it. It reminds me of an article recently about the oral sex gap (I wrote about the article HERE). It points out how women get less than we give and that we also quite deeply feel the lack of enthusiasm that is often there - and it calls all kinds of bullshit on that.

So overall, I give this a solid 5 out of 5 vulva rating. It spoke the truth about the oral sex gap in a fun narrative story, so as to let it slide into the audiences' heads with sweetness that makes it more appetizing, but does not lower the potency. It reminded women all over that vulvas should be ate in equal number to penises being blown, and it normalized the idea that sex, particularly good lady-gasm inducing sex, is more than just intercourse. Bravo.

(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)


p.s. you can see part of the scene in a Master of None Tweet HERE

9.10.2017

Science, Sex and the Ladies Goes To Italy!



Okay, so this is gonna be a quick one today. Promise my next post will be better. However, this is something I'm pretty darn excited about. As you know, Science, Sex and the Ladies can be viewed in English or with Russian or Brazilian Portuguese subtitles. Well, it'll be available to Italian audiences soon as well. However, this won't just be subtitles. This bitch will be dubbed, and I'm so, so, sooo (I can't tell you how much) excited to see our actors dubbed in Italian. And more than that, I can't wait to show our actors themselves dubbed in Italian. It's, well, it's just a spectacular thing.


Science, Sex and The Ladies from AnC Movies on Vimeo.

So, the thing is though - and this is the drawback - it won't be available online for just anyone. It's being done for a run on Italian TV - late at night, I assume. The network may put it on their streaming site, but really if you aren't in Italy, you probably aren't going to see how amazing it is to see a hand CG character talking to a bunch of 80's teens about reasons why women may masturbate less...dubbed in Italian. I mean we're all missing out a bit, wouldn't you say?

I'm excited none the less. I hope over the next 5 years there are tons of Italian young folk out there up too late that happen to catch our movie. I hope their young sexual minds are formed with all that accurate info about lady-gasms and realistic understandings of female sexuality. I hope they talk to their friends about it, and I hope there is a generation of Italians that see sex differently, better. I mean, probably not that many people will see it, but who knows...

Oh, and I didn't even tell you the best part. Vatican City is in the realm of where it will play. That means there is a 100% chance that the pope will see our movie, and really, that's all I ever really wanted.


9.05.2017

Empire S1 Ep8: The SSL Review



Empire and Me
I started watching Empire. I love a soap opera-esque show, and I'm only about 1/2 in the first season, but I'm for sure into it. Obviously, I love Cookie. I'm sure everyone does. I also love seeing expensive and glittery things, so that's a big ol' check as well. Anyway, it's everything I would want in this kind of TV. And, bonus, there was something I will deem as an SSL Reviewable moment. It's not strictly within the criteria, but I think it touches on something interesting, so I'm posting on it.



SSL Reviews
SSL Reviews are depiction or discussions of female orgasm and/or masturbation and/or the clit. Those are the specific things I review - other discussions or depictions of sex or sexuality not within the above confines are for the most part not of interest to me. In these reviews,  I critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

Season 1 Episode 8: that long tongue 
So, Hakeem, Cookie's youngest son, brings his older girlfriend Camilla to a party. Cookie meets Camilla for the first time and doesn't much like her. The scene goes as follows after Cookie has just burned Camilla.
Camilla: Listen Cookie, don't mess with me. I'm not one of your jailbird mates, okay?
Cookie: (looking her up and down with a smirk) I wish you were. You probably would have made a good bitch for me - look like you've got a long tongue.
Here's the whole scene for your enjoyment:



My Thoughts
Now, firstly, I realize that what Cookie said to Camilla is just a solid clap-back, and should be taken with that in mind. However, a clap-back is really just a type of mean joke, and jokes are actually super insightful ways to get the feel of the cultural understanding of a thing, so basically, I don't care that it's just a clap-back, I think it's worth reviewing fully.

So that brings me to why I'm SSL Reviewing this at all. Let's start with the basics. In case there are a few of you out there that aren't quite following what's being discussed here; Cookie's saying that if Camilla were in jail with her (Cookie just got out after 17 years), that basically Cookie would easily have dominated Camilla and forced her to give Cookie sexual favors. It's a classic, prison related clap-back, but the thing that's interesting about this to me is that Cookie relates the idea of Camilla having a long tongue with the idea that Camilla would be good at giving Cookie sexual favors.

She didn't say 'good tongue' or 'quick tongue' or 'skilled tongue.' She said 'long tongue.' Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of how a person might use their tongue to please me, I think about getting some oral sex. That to me means having the mouth and tongue working my clit area to orgasm. Length don't matter worth shit.

Length would only matter, I think, if one were to think of oral sex as having a tongue imitate intercourse with a penis...pushing the tongue in and out of the vag-hole over and over again. But...tonguing the hole, like intercourse with a penis, does not orgasms make. Like, for serious, stimulation of anything inside the vagina has never been physically proven, in all of peer-reviewed scientific literature, to cause an orgasm. Yet still, stimulating the inside of the vagina is commonly thought of as something that does cause orgasms, even if there is no proof that is true.

So, Cookies use of 'long' makes sense given common cultural understandings of female orgasm. I mean, our culture wrongly insinuates, depicts, and jokes about penises giving ladies orgasms all the time. In fact our culture often takes it as a given that putting dicks in vaginas is a classic way to bring a woman to orgasm even if it absolutely is not. So, it's no surprise that there is belief out there that putting big ol' long, thick tongues in vaginas would give orgasms as well, even though that is kinda ridiculous. I actually posted about a Playboy Advisor question with that assumption HERE. It is definitely a 'thing,' and it's pretty clear to me that Cookie's word choice has all that silly vagina-based orgasm baggage associated.

The Vulva Rating
So, although I love this show, I'm going to have to give it only 1 out of 5 vulvas. Granted, orgasm was never specifically discussed, but I think it's in the context of what Cookie was saying. It's kinda common knowledge that a prison bitch is there to give you orgasms. So, emphasizing your prison bitch's long tongue seems like you're emphasizing the thing about her that would aid in your orgasm (even though there could be a variety of stretches one could make as to other reasons why Cookie was interested in that long tongue...maybe she likes a tongue stuck up her butt when she masturbates, maybe??).

Anyway, all that to say I think that this clap-back, although truly solid, unfortunately reinforces the incorrect assumption that things stimulating the inside of the vagina cause females to orgasm. It took the focus in cunnilingus from the outer, clit area parts where it should be if orgasm is a desired outcome and towards the vagina hole. Granted the vag-hole is commonly and historically the focus in relation to lady-gasms, but it's a misplaced focus arising from our culture's obsession with believing intercourse is just as orgasmic for females as it is for males. It's actually not, though, and I can't abide by jokes and clap-back that help to reinforce that kind of incorrect BS about lady-gasms. Sorry Empire, only 1 out of 5 vulvas. I have faith you'll do better next time.

(!) 

9.01.2017

Ellen Scott's Badass Article on the Oral Sex Gap



Ellen mothafuckin Scott over at MetroUK, people. This is what I'm talking about. This is a lady using her forum to speak the damn truth.

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times: When women speak honestly to each other about our sex lives and especially our orgasms, it is a revolutionary thing. It reveals the BS truths of sexual inequality that we women too often sluff off as personal inadequacies.

The system's broken - and been broken for ages- but we woman tend to blame that brokenness on ourselves rather than the system where the blame should be. We believe our individual bodies are defective when we can't reach orgasm easily enough during sex because we don't truly understand, as a culture, that the most common, accepted way of having hetero sexual interaction is shitty for lady-gasm and great for dude-gasms. We don't truly understand that clitoral stimulation for sure causes orgasm, but that in all of scientific literature no instance of an orgasm caused by stimulation of something in the vagina has been physically recorded. We ladies, despite what the world would have us believe, don't seem to orgasm from our vaginas, but that fact doesn't make it into our bedrooms somehow.

And that brings me back to Ellen Scott. She wrote an article called "The Oral Sex Gender Gap is Real and It's Not Okay." Women as a whole give more than they get, and on the most part, it's not questioned in any real serious way - within our culture or within our individual sex lives. It's just how things are for whatever reason we decide to give to it if we even decide to think about it at all. Ellen, however, is calling bullshit here, and she's so on point. Ellen says, for one, fuck your excuses dude.



Oh, it hurts your neck? I take too long? Fuck you and you're whining.
"Giving someone else sexual pleasure shouldn’t be unpleasant or painful, but it does require a bit of effort, and it’s not easy. As sexual philosopher Samantha Jones once declared: ‘They don’t call it a job for nothing’. Women are willing to accept a little discomfort to put their partner’s pleasure before their own. Men expect women to do that." 
Right? I mean, here's the deal. Blow jobs ain't easy, but we figure it out. We find ergonomically friendly positions. We move when we need to move. We work on technique. It's not that hard, and men can figure it out. Plenty of men do. It's very possible.

But it's not just that, is it? Like so much in life and bias, it's the subtleties that really get ya.
"Usually the oral sex mismatch isn’t so obvious or openly discussed. It’s the fact that a guy won’t initiate oral without prompting, but will happily signal towards their dick, expecting oral action as a necessary precursor to penetrative stuff. It’s their lack of enthusiasm. Their general attitude of ‘do I have to?"
Ellen uses her own personal sexual history, informal friend survey and an actual peer reviewed survey to back the reality of this oral sex gap up, but let's be honest, most of us ladies don't need all that evidence. We can feel the inequality in our bones. We feel the lack of offer, and we feel the lack of enthusiasm loud and clear. We're already in a world that depicts women fellatio-ing way more often than men cunnilingus-ing. We already feel worried that our junk is much grosser than dude junk. We're already certain that a girl who isn't perfectly happy - nay jubilantly orgasmic- with a good ol', classic boning, a girl who 'needs more' during sex is lame. The lack of enthusiasm is just icing on an already quite depressing and unsexy cake.

And the worst part isn't even the simple fact that more dicks get stimulated with mouths to orgasm than vulvas do. The worst part is that penile-vaginal intercourse, which happens way more than either types of oral is shit for lady-gasms (which, jesus fucking christ, why do we still see vag-ramming as a mutually orgasmic experience). So, dudes not only get the vast majority of orgasms that happen during the most accepted of sex acts, but when couples do decide to switch it up a bit, men still win. Women literally need something else besides straight up intercourse in order to orgasm, but when we do something else, we still focus on the guy's dicks. Who cares bout a clit, women's orgasms, or you know - women, amiright?

Anyway, nothing is going to change unless we women start to have our eyes opened to the fact that other women have similar experiences in their hetero sexual interactions. Ellen Scott had the guts to write this thoughtful piece, and I guarantee you a bunch of women read it and reassessed their sex lives - even if it's just a tiny reassessment. A bunch of women just realized that it wasn't just a personal problem. A bunch of women found a little solidarity on an uncouth, adult, often embarrassing subject that they may never before have heard another woman discuss so frankly. That, is revolutionary as fuck, my friends.

Go read the article in its entirety, and Ellen Scott, I so deem you a member of the Orgasm Equality Heroes. I have added you to this most prestigious of lists. Go on with your bad self.


8.27.2017

Sex and the City S3 Ep10-12: A Retro SSL Review



My new little segment is back for a 8th round (Here's the others). It's a modified, lazy version of an SSL Review. It's just me transcribing my notes, page by page, on all of the Sex and the City episodes. I watched them all - not necessarily in order - during 2007 and 2008, and I took notes on the depiction/discussion of female orgasm and female masturbation. It was my early attempt at this type of lady-gasm review stuff. Anyway, I never actually created reviews from these notes, but since they exist, I'd like to get them out there on the interwebs before they get burned in a house fire or something...thus this series.

Ramona and my SATC Notes

Anyway, the fun of this will be that I will transcribe these as word for word as I can while still trying to make it be a sensible read. I'll post a pick of the notes for your reference. I'll do one or more episodes at a time - from the beginning of the notebook to the end. I may add notes for clarification.

Hopefully these won't make me look like a dumb asshole. I will add them in the TV SSL Review Master List  (of course you are also welcome to check out the Movie SSL Review Master List as well). Here we go.

SATC Notes S3 E10-12

Season 3 Ep 10
- beginning of phone sex masturbation by Miranda. Looked like she was using hand on outer part of vulva - definitely didn't seem like using dildo or something. Phone sex fantasy involved his dick in her mouth. Also, he came and then said they had to take care of her.
- another time Miranda masturbating. Longer scene, looked more like hand on outer part.

Season 3 Ep 11
- Samantha on a swing - both her and her guy screaming in ecstasy fucking. No clit motion at all.

Season 3 Episode 12
- Carrie cowgirl w/ him sitting up - they had a pretty much simultaneous orgasm seeminly from fucking.

Modern Day Me Comments
Listen, it's Sunday night. I'm ready to go to bed. I kinda want to watch more TV though. Either way, I'm not super excited about writing at the moment, but I want to stay on schedule so here we are. I picked an easy post to make and I'll be quick with my comments. a couple things

1 there is actually notes for the 1st episode of Season 4 on this same page (see the pic), but I want to keep the seasons' separate, so I'll add that one in with the next page.

2 I drew some kind of squid on the top of this page of notes for some reason.

3 I love that Miranda masturbated twice and in a way that would realistically bring a lady to orgasm - rubbing the clit/vulva area. It's not all that exciting though. Generally when women are depicted masturbating in movies and TV, it is depicted realistically. It's when women are depicted fucking men that we get all the dumb, unrealistic orgasms. And that brings me to the next thing.

4 Both Samantha on her swing and Carrie doing a dude cowgirl style, are the kinds of depictions we usually get; a woman coming from a penis moving in and out of her vagina with nothing seemingly also stimulating her clit. Not her hand, or her partners hand, nor a vibrator, not even does it seem she is grinding her clit against something during the banging. It's so natural a thing to see in movies and TV, that is seems like it should make sense, even though it is absolutely ridiculous to think any woman would orgasm from merely a dick moving in her. Anyway, this is the status quo of cinematic lady-gasms, which means the people making it meant no ill will towards Orgasm Equality. They probably just made it this way because it's how these scenes are done. However, it's still a bunch of bullshit.


That is all. I'll have some more exciting posts soon. I'm working on a kinda fun Journal Article Review, and I even have an SSL review for a play...because sometimes plays have SSL Reviewable moments too. Anyway, I have some stuff I'm excited to get up in the next couple months. Later Skaters. I'm going to bed...or watching TV.


8.23.2017

Spy Time - The SSL Review



Spy Time
We were scrolling through Netflix looking for something to watch, and some foreign movie called Spy time popped up. The name was incredibly appealing. Say it as if there's 3 exclamation marks at the end. It's awesome. Anyway, from name alone and the quasi-James Bond cover, we decided to watch it. The choice was not regretted, even though I assumed it would be. I quite enjoyed this quirky, Spanish spy movie. It was what I will call a fun romp. (It's original title is Anacleto: Agente Secreto)


There was also a sideways SSL Reviewable moment in there. As you know an SSL Review is a critique of depictions or discussions of female masturbation and/or female orgasm and/or the clit. I only discuss those scenes - not the movie as a whole (unless I feel like talking about more), and I try to focus on the realism of the depiction/discussion and also how it fits into a larger cultural discussion of female orgasm and sexuality.

This movie did not discuss or depict female masturbation directly, but it insinuated it, and so I'm calling it eligible.

Check all the SSL Review movies HERE and TV SSL Reviews HERE.

The Dildo vs. Toilet Brush Fight
I won't ruin this gem of a movie for you, so I'm going to describe this without giving too much away. A man (Adolfo) is in an apartment with his girlfriend. He's sleeping on the couch. She's on the bed. A hitman comes in the apartment and starts trying to kill adolfo. a fight ensues that leads them into the bathroom. Looking for a weapon, Adolfo quickly and randomly finds a dildo shaped vibrator and he uses it against the hitman who has now found a toilet brush. Eventually, Adolfo shoved the vibrator in the hitman's mouth and then pushed it in hard, but that actually didn't kill him. He dies another way.

Adolfo, then suddenly wakes up the next morning finding everything has been cleaned up and no sign of the dead body. He's trying to tell his girlfriend all about the fight the night before, but she doesn't seem to believe him. To help his case as he's explaining, he goes into the bathroom and gets the vibrator and tells her he used this. Then offhandedly as he's continuing to explain, he says something like, "how long have you had this vibrator, by the way." At that point she takes it from him, without remark, puts it away, and they both move on with the discussion.

My Thoughts
So there you have it. Man fights another man with a dildo shaped vibrator. Man realizes he didn't know his girlfriend even had a vibrator. Like I said above, there was no direct discussion or depiction of female masturbation, but it's kinda assumed Adolfo learns of his girlfriends masturbation in this scene.

The whole part about the fighting is just some good old fashioned fun with common household items combat. I don't have much to say about that. The other part, the part where we as an audience member realize that Adolfo didn't know that there was a vibrator in the apartment is the part I'm interested in. In general I feel pretty neutral about this.

On one hand, I like anytime there is a depiction of vibrators or any insinuation that women masturbate. It normalizes the idea that women masturbate (Every lady does it!) and anytime we can normalize that, it's good. It gives women permission to do that without feeling as much like a freak, and it gives men permission to feel comfortable that their wife or girlfriend masturbates. And, by golly, when women masturbate, they orgasm, and when they can orgasm through masturbation, they have a much better chance of figuring out how to do it with a partner. You might thing figuring that out would be easy, and it is for most men, but it's not so much for women because the most normal accepted thing to do during a hetero sexual encounter is intercourse, and intercourse only stimulates the male organ of sexual pleasure (penis) and only very rarely the female organ of sexual pleasure (clit). The vagina just doesn't make lady-gasms, sorry to say.

On the other hand, the fact that Adolfo's girlfriend kept her vibrator, and we might assume her masturbation habit, secret makes it seem like her having a vibrator is kind of a bad thing. There is a long history of men being threatened by vibrators, as if women using them is a statement about how her man can't satisfy her, so it's a valid read into the scene. In fact, something I didn't mention before was that she just broke up with him, so the secret vibrator might be an attempt at humor - as her having that was just another blow to his ego. Anyway, I think this scene could be viewed in a way that actually continues to stigmatize women's use of vibrators.

The Vulva Rating
I'm giving this 3 out of 5 vulvas. Largely this was just a fun scene, but digging down into it, I'm not sure how this scene plays into the larger cultural discussion about female masturbation. I like that female masturbation was touched upon, of course. However, I think it is very possible that for some viewers, this scene just reinforced all their worries about female masturbation with vibrators being seen as inappropriate within a relationship or actually a way to demasculinize their male partners. So, this isn't exactly progressive, but it's also not necessarily bad. Thus 3 out of 5.
(!)(!)(!)

8.19.2017

Random Hite Report #24



Hello, welcome again to one of my favorite segments on the SSL blog, Random Hite Report! It's simple really. I flip through the pages of the The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality  (or sometimes The Hite Report on Male Sexuality) by a one Ms. Shere Hite and copy the contents of the page where I land - no more no less. Anyone who reads my blog will know that this 1976 book is a fave of mine; not only because of its realistic and progressive insight about the female orgasm that is still shockingly relevant 40 years later,  but also because of its very touching insight into the lives of the women who took part in this huge, comprehensive survey. This is an under-appreciated and under-read book if you ask me - I suggest you buy it online (seriously, you can get them for like 1 cent) and read it.



 So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 337 From chapter "CLitoral Stimulation" in the section 'Feelings About Clitoral Stimulation.' These are answers to the question "Do you feel embarrassed asking for clitoral stimulation?Do you feel your partner is sacrificing to give it to you?"
...one man so that he managed to Get It. The others just could never grasp it, evidently, or I was too shy to get the point across clearly."
    "He was furious the last time I asked him to stimulate me (as it stopped his readiness to 'dive in'). He's really timid and clumsy and too unsure for me to risk spoiling another evening by coaching. So I accept him this way (it's really okay)."
    "I ask for it sometimes even though it's embarrassing - and then it's hard to be specific on what you like, and you feel like a nut in being so limited in what turns you on."
    "I don't think I ever asked for what I wanted . I just thought some guys knew and some didn't, and it was very exciting when they did. I always was intimidated by the concept of a controlling and/or castrating women - it was holy writ to me not to make a guy feel inadequate (a result of my intellectual male friends and my psychoanalyst), and to suggest that he do something more or different would have been to appear to suggest that he wasn't adequate. Now the women's movement has helped me to be outspoken. I ask for what i want in all sorts of situations - church, work, the supermarket, local government - and in bed."
    "It used to be embarrassing , but then my partner and I learned how to touch eachother by oral instructions. Dialogue goes like this: me: 'What would you like?' 'Touch my penis.' 'How hard?' 'Harder.' 'Like this or this?' 'The second way.' 'What else?' Touch the tip.' 'How?' 'Rub gently.' 'Like this or this?', etc. I really insisted that he be literal and use all the words. The we reversed it. I had a hard time asking him to touch my breasts or clitoris. Now it is easier, but still hard to suggest something new."
    "No, i don't ask for it usually. That would be embarrassing to me and is something I know I must struggle with. If I can tell them a foot massage feels wonderful, why not felings related to sex??? I'm trying though, and it's getting better. If my friend ever reads these answers I'm writing you, it'll be a long night, but it'll be worth it!"



















8.16.2017

5 Movies To Watch With Your Teens #DirectedByWomen



I started doing this categorized List of 5 movies thing where I showcase movies that were directed by women and that I have actually seen. It all started during the Directed By Women Worldwide Viewing Party in September 2015, and it was pretty fun, so I've continued doing it from time to time.

It's a bit off-topic from my normal fare, ya know, being that it's not specifically about lady-gasms or anything like that, but I think it fits the blog because
1. this blog is also about indie movie-making, and
2. this blog is partially about getting the female perspective of sexuality into our media. So, to me, supporting female voices in our media  means we're creating more room for female voices to speak on all types of things, which sometimes will be sex, orgasms, and sexuality.

You can find all my 5-movie lists HERE.

So, I know it's hard to find a movie on Netflix or whatever when you're hanging out with your young teen children and or nieces/nephews. They're picky. You're picky. Sometimes you just have to choose something and move on. You can make those choices from my list here today. This is the list of 5 movies by women directors to watch with your teens.

1 Pay It Forward - This one is directed by Mimi Leder. I saw this at home with my parents, I think, around the time it came out. I lived with them a couple years during college. It is a really lovely movie, as I recall, and well worth the watch.



2 Tortilla Soup - This was directed by Maria Ripoll. I saw this somehow, maybe on cable, maybe I rented it, around the time it came out in 2001. It's a feel good, family, sister, awesome-looking-food kind of movie if I recall. I remember enjoying it, and it seems like a solid Saturday afternoon choice, if you ask me.




3 The Matrix - This is by Lana Wachowski and Lilly Wachowski. I saw this in the theater when it came out, and like everyone else that saw it, I assume, I left the theater feeling like I could fly and bounce off walls. The effects were insane for the time, but I think they still hold up. Granted, this is rated R, but I think it'd be fine for most teens, and plus, I think they'd really get into it.




4 Bend it Like Beckham - This was directed by Gurinder Chadha. I didn't actually see this 2002 movie until just this year on Amazon. I had always heard it was a good one, though, and it did not disappoint. It was sweet, and funny, and a general good watch. This is a really top notch choice for a movie both ten and parent would be into.




5 The Fairy - This was directed by Fiona Gordon, Dominique Abel, and Bruno Romy. I saw this recently online streaming somewhere. It looked sweet, and as I was watching, I realized it looked a lot like a trailer I'd seen recently for a movie called Lost in Paris, so I looked it up and it is indeed the same people. The directors Fiona and Dominique also star in and write them. They are different characters in all their movies, but with the same names. They are whimsical, slap-stick movies, a bit of an homage to a certain type of silent movie. It's unique and fun, and worth a watch. Oh- it's also foreign, but hopefully your teens can read.

8.12.2017

Playboy 2006 SSL Review - June



Why I have a stack of decade old Playboys that I'm SSL Reviewing
Long story short I took them from my parents house thinking I would review them for this blog and then didn't actually do that for over 10 years but now want them the hell out of my house because I hate clutter and don't know how I've not thrown them away all these years. Also, I thought I had all 12 months, but some are gone. If you want the longer story, check out the 1st 2006 Playboy SSL Review I did.


SSL Review Basics
An SSL review - as many of you - know is a critique ONLY of discussions or depictions of female masturbation and/or female orgasm and/or the clit. I critique the realism and also what the depiction/discussion adds to our culture conversations on the topics of female sexuality and orgasm. I usually do these SSL Reviews for either movies or TV, but magazines are fun from time to time. These Playboy SSL Review will be a bit more relaxed and simple than most. I'd like to have a little fun here (but I will still give it a vulva rating).

Playboy After Hours: Do You Know What a Merkin Is?



I did not, and this is technically not an SSL Reviewable thing, but I thought you all might be interested. This was an interview of Michele Merkin, a 2006 era E! Network host. One thing she said was that she found out what a merkin was in the 8th grade and it was big talk around the school. I asked the 3 other people in the room if they knew what that was, and they were as stumped as me. Luckily, Google. It's a pubic wig. Old (like centuries ago) prostitutes used them after shaving their pubes for things like preventing crabs. Old male actors playing female nudes on stage used them. Modern day actors and actresses use them. It's fun. It's a pubic wig.

 The Playboy Advisor - bitching about wives not putting out
Okay, this is not technically about female orgasm, but the underlying issue here soooo is about female orgasm, so I'm including this one in this SSL Review too.



I am disturbed by the reader who said he earns "penis points" from his wife that he can redeem for sex (February). This sad letter reflrects the fact that American men have lost control of their sex lives. More and more of my middle aged friends say their wives have informed them they have no use for sex and that men should "get over it." there is even an implied ban on masturbation. The attitude seems to be that men are entitled to only as much sex as their wives desire. If she wants to host a gang bang in the town square, the attitude is "You go, girl." But if she wants little or none, the assumption is that it must be the guy's fault for not being romantic and not making her want it. Is this happening everywhere or just among my friends? Men need to get some balls and demand their right to either sex at home or elsewhere. I don't think of myself as macho, but enough is enough. Is anyone willing to join the movement? P.L. Cocoa FL

So, you mean the movement to insist women have sex - even if they don't want to - with their husbands and if women don't do that (or even if they do) then other women should let these husbands fuck them because men have a right to push their penises into vaginas until they come whenever the mood strikes them? Is that the movement? Because that one is like the biggest movement in history. It's like pretty much got a huge following already, so you are good.

Playboy answers this in an okay way. They get quotes from the author of "The Sex-Starved Marriage," and together they say all the things sexperts/advisers are supposed to say like: A couple is not always going to be on the same page with desire all the time; and you shouldn't think of these issues as only one person's problems, it's an issue you both need to address; and people need to realize that being constantly rejected for sex in a marriage is painful; and men should try to get past their anger and try to express that loneliness and rejection they feel; and also this:
"Men also make the mistake of thinking their wives are turned on by lingere or x-rated movies or the same things that turn them on. But as the penis-points letter demonstrated, what women want is help around the house, and unexpected call from work to say you're thinking about her or more conversation."
Well, or- and hear me out - maybe deep down inside we want actual orgasms when we have sex...and also a time machine so we can go back and turn all the orgasm-less, painful, sometimes rapey, sometimes actual rape, sexual interactions from our past into ones where we felt safe, comfortable and had a nice orgasm. You know, so we can see sex more like the average man and so that when the suggestion for sex comes up and we weigh it in our head against something else, like watching TV or finally getting some laundry done so we have things to wear next week, sex seems more pleasurable and useful than those things. I mean, did you think about that angle Playboy? Probably not. No one ever does.

Honestly, for a lot of women sex has only very rarely also meant an orgasm, which after youth and hope and newness wears off means sex probably rarely means even arousal...and when you're not aroused / horny but are either forced to or feel pressured (even if it's just because you love the guy and feel like you haven't done it enough that month) to have sex, let's just be frank here. The details of sex can be downright gross, and doing laundry really does make for a better time. For men sex and orgasm pretty much always go hand in hand, and so sex means horniness and excitement and good memories. The hard, cold truth is that we live in a world where most women probably have mostly non orgasmic and/or bad memories of sex...even with kind, loving partners because we live in a world that deeply misunderstands how the female orgasm works (and if you've watched our movie or if you've read this blog at all you know what I mean by that).

I think this dude writing the letter up there is a self-righteous, thoughtless, asshole, but I don't blame him for his wife losing interest in sex. I mean I blame him a little, but she's to blame too because we women are often as ignorant about our orgasms and influenced by cultural assumptions as men are. Everyone is responsible for this shitty situation for female orgasm and sexuality, and everyone needs to be part of the solution. But that means being real about what is happening and not happening to women during our partnered sexual encounters, being real about how different the male experience of sex can be from the female experience of sex, and be real about how complicated and deep our culture's ignorance is about female orgasm. So, all the things Playboy and the author said are nice, but they are not getting at the real problem of how men and women often develop completely different sexual drives in hetero relationships.

Rose Bud by Heather Caldwell
This is a bit of journalism in which a woman talks to doctors and clients involved with the growing and incredibly lucrative trend of various types of elective genital surgery for women: clitoral hood removal, g-spot collagen injection, laser lip reduction and rejuvenation, and hymenoplasty. So, you can get your labia cut into small symmetrical bits, add your hymen back in, take your clit hood off for some reason, or get collagen added into the area in your vagina that butts up against your urethra wrapped in the "Skeens gland" AKA female prostate - G-spot injections.



The author, Ms. Caldwell, stays skeptical and a little sad at the idea that women are being told their junk is not good enough as is, even after talking to women who swear by it. It's hard not to be sad and skeptical, because it's mostly a bunch of sad bullshit that a few plastic surgeons are marketing to women.

As for this being in the SSL Review, the only part that starts to discuss orgasm is The G-spot injection. It's supposed to make the G-spot easier to reach and make the women go crazy during sex. I mean, stimulating the G-spot has been shown to cause ejaculation in some women, but no one's really sure if it would cause ejaculation in all women, and - this is important - literally never has it been shown to cause orgasm in any woman ever. There is literally no physical evidence in all of peer reviewed scientific journals that this has ever happened. So I'm super duper skeptical of that.

It was an interesting article, and I liked the author. It's just a bit depressing of a subject.

Maxiderm Ad
This is a classic ad where it's made up to be like a dude is writing some type of adviser (in this situation some woman named Steffanie who has a fiance with the same problem) about his 'lack of sexual confidence' lately. It's all very veiled language, but basically Steffanie tells him her fiance took this amazing product and she got "the time of her life...repeatedly!" The insinuation seems to me that a dude takes this stuff, he gets super hard, stays hard and fucks her brains out until she comes and comes and comes. It's the age-old story we tell people about how men can give women orgasms, but of course it's a bunch of BS. Women don't orgasm from penises rubbing the insides of their vaginas and men don't need hard dicks to make women orgasm.



Dudes, a piece of advice. If you're having trouble getting hard, just stop worrying about it and focus on using your hands and tongue and vibes on your lady's parts. Get that clit lit. Help her come and then try again another night for yours.

Better Sex Advanced Techniques Video Series 2 
It's an ad for a explicit sex advice video. I am not against such a thing. It's probably better to see the shit happening explicitly in learning about sex - 'cause it's not always obvious. However, a lot of these teaching videos are just regular ol' porn slightly dressed up, so the advise is bad.


This one touts "G-spots and Multiple Orgasms shows you how to score the Ultimate-O again and again - guaranteed!"

Bull motha-fuckin shit. Why are we still acting like the g-spot stimulation creates orgasms, and not only orgasms but some type of magically amazing Ultimate-Os that last and last. Truth is, it might make you feel like you have to pee. It might make you ejaculate. If you add in some clit stimulation it might make you orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, but we really do need to stop talking so much about the G-spot. It's not helpful to the fate of lady-gasms in this culture.