8.29.2016

5 Movies Set In The Workplace #DirectedByWomen



I started doing this categorized List of 5 movies thing where I showcase movies that were directed by women and that I have actually seen. It all started during the Directed By Women Worldwide Viewing Party in September, and it was pretty fun, so I've continued doing it from time to time.

It's a bit off-topic from my normal fare, ya know, being that it's not specifically about lady-gasms or anything like that, but I think it fits the blog because
1. this blog is also about indie movie-making, and
2. this blog is partially about getting the female perspective of sexuality into our media. So, to me, supporting female voices in our media  means we're creating more room for female voices to speak on all types of things, which sometimes will be sex, orgasms, and sexuality. You can find all my 5-movie lists HERE.

So, this is my LIST OF 5 MOVIES THAT INVOLVE PEOPLE AT WORK! That's right, in these movies you can see people at work ! Hotel housekeeping? We got it! Running a start up? Sure! Voice Over work? You bet! How about a beach snack stand or a food blogger? Absolutely! So get a snack, a beverage, and get ready for watching people at work while you are not at work!

1 The Intern - This movie was directed by Nancy Meyers. These characters are working at a an online clothing store start-up. I saw this in the movies when it came out, and I enjoyed it. I definitely recommend as a good Saturday night Netflix choice.





2 Addicted to Fresno - This was directed by Jamie Babbit. These character work at a hotel doing hte housekeeping. I happened upon this through Hulu (which I have to say is getting some really good movies recently) when I was looking for something to watch while I was doing some other stuff. It looked indie and kinda fun, and it had one of my favoritest actresses in it. Guess what? It turned out to be an excellent choice...and random indie movies do not always turn out that way. Check this one.





3 Julie and Julia - This was directed by Nora Ephron. These characters are in the recipe business. One is a food blogger and the other is Julia Childs. I think I rented this about the time it came out and I hadn't before realized what a badass Julia Childs was. You should learn this too if you have not yet.





4 16 and Life - This was directed by Becky Smith. I actually watched this the same day I watched Addicted to Fresno. I was doin' the damn thing and checking out random indie movies. This one was also a nice surprise. It's a fun summer teen movie. I mean, you can't beat the shenanigans of a bunch of kids stuck in little snack shack on a beach, AmIright?




5 In A World... - This was directed by Lake Bell. She also stars in it, and she and her cast mates work in the high stakes world of trailer voice overs. I rented this a few years ago, and I thought it was really well done. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and i'm a little jealous of Lake's sweet, sweet voice.


8.25.2016

A Cunnilingus Art Show and Some Swingin' Orgasm Equality Lips



Ladies and Gentlemen, there was a curated art show in Hollywood, CA this weekend about one of my most favorite things - getting ate the hell out. It was called EAT ME: A Cunnilingus Themed Art Show. You can't go now because it's over, and you probably don't live in Hollywood anyway, but you wish you could have gone. We all do.

From 'EAT ME: A Cunnilingus Themed Art Show' at Junior High in Hollywood, CA August 2016 

Anything that normalizes, praises, delights in, or depicts mouth areas pleasuring clit areas is top notch in my book. I respect the hell out of everyone involved with this show.

It was curated by Elizabeth Vazquez and Alison Stevenson. They are obviously fabulous Orgasm Equality Heroes.  In fact, Alison was just recently awarded a spot on the official Orgasm Equality Allies list due to her absolutely bad ass articles about her decision to stop giving BJs to dudes due in part to the sadly low amount of reciprocation.

But, Ms. Stevenson deserves higher ranking on the Orgasm Equality Allies List. She didn't just stumble upon saying one or two revolutionary things on the subject during some truth-telling moments of an otherwise non-orgasm equality related writing/artisting/talking life. In my view she seems to be making a pointed, thoughtful and brave attack on this PinV=Orgasm obsession we have. So I have moved her entry to under the heading "Artists, writers, and activists devoting much of their lives or a large portion of their work to the cause." That's important to me. She's up there with Sophia Wallace and Shere Hite ya'll. I don't use that subheading lightly.  You see, after reading about this show, it solidified her place as one of the few women out there saying the thing I think many secretly know/believe but few have the swingin' lower lady lips to say...That women need clitoral glans stimulation in order to orgasm.

I sooooo often read sexperts and scientists and the like who say things like 'most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm' or 'don't forget the clit! It's a super important part of female pleasure!' and ya, know, I like that the clit is being mentioned because it too rarely is. However, we don't hear sexperts telling people 'most men need penile stimulation in order to orgasm' or 'don't forget the penis! It's a super important part of male pleasure!' We don't hear that because we have a collective clue about what part men need you to touch to help them orgasm. Saying those things about men seem ridiculous and misleading in a way it doesn't when we say it about women - even though it is absolutely as ridiculous and misleading. Seriously, no scientific paper out there has physical evidence that vaginal stimulation causes orgasm. Which means, from what we know through over 1/2 a century of scientific research is that clit stimulation causes orgasm and vaginal stimulation does not seem to. Thems just the facts, but it is few and far between to find a person who will so out-rightedly tell the world the clit is where it's at and vaginal stimulation can to go suck an asshole when it comes to lady-gasms.

Alison Stevenson will say it, though. In her interview at Huffington post about the cunnilingus show she says:
“A lot of straight men are under the impression that penetrative sex is a way for us to orgasm when it’s not. We need clitoral stimulation.”
That's what I'm talking about. She made no bones about it, and although you may think that's something people do, it's really not. I have spent the better part of 14 years reading about female orgasm in books and on the internet and hearing about it on podcasts and TV, and I can assure you that simply saying women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm - without hemming and hawing and walking back the statement so no one thinks anyone is invalidating women who say they experience vaginal orgasm - is rare indeed. It takes some heavy, swingin' lips to tell the goddamn truth, and Alison Stevenson's clearly got 'em.


8.21.2016

Heartburn: The SSL Review



When I am alone in the house, I watch movies that I want to watch but that wouldn't count as deeply treacherous cheating if I watched them alone. That usually means I watch romantic dramas from the 70's and 80's. I'm looking for something with a little humor, but also serious - death/tragedy, long-term tangled extramarital affairs, or deep despair through the mundanity of domestic life are bonuses, and ideally it'll be something I haven't seen before. I like all these types of movies in their own way, but  they don't always hit the right tone I'm longing for. A couple weeks ago, though, one did - and extra super bonus - it also had an SSL Reviewable moment, so I can write about it here.


The movie was Heartburn with Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson. It was just the right mix of serious and mundane and humor and passing of time that I wanted, and it was so so sweetly satisfying. Can I just say though, that it was kinda the final straw for me with Jack Nicholson? I mean, I'm not saying I don't like him as an actor. He's fine, and great in the right role, but it's like he's Jack Nicholson in every single role. I can't watch him in something without thinking that his character is just Jack Nicholson playing whoever this character is supposed to be...but that did not dull my enjoyment of this movie.

What is an SSL Review?
Anyway, let me get to this SSL Review...as my lovely and loyal readers will know by now, an SSL Review is a special type of review where I specifically critique only discussion/depictions of lady-gasm and/or lady-bation. I look for realism and also what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to our cultural understanding of female orgasm and female sexuality. (See all the SSL Movie Reviews HERE, and TV SSL Reviews HERE)

Heartburn Lady-gasm Scene Description
There was just one reviewable scene in this movie. It was simple but unique from similar situations in other movies...in a good way. Let me describe,

The scene starts at a bucket on the floor in the foreground catching drips (uh oh! stress due to home renovation!!!). We hear very gentle outlets of breath - just enough to let you know there's some sex happening out of frame, and then it pans to the bed where we see the couple. Rachel (Streep) and Mark (Nicholson) are having sex. Mark is on top of Rachel, and he's laying flat and close against her. We continue to hear the outlet of breath and some kissing as they tussle and wiggle against each other. There is really no humping motion from Mark. They stay very pressed against each other until Rachel lets out a slightly louder breath followed closely by another. It is subtle, but still seems pretty clear that she came.

We don't really hear any sounds from Mark, but just after her orgasm breaths begin, Mark kinda presses deeper against her and then releases and does it one more time, and when he releases after that, they both kinda stay still for a second and then begin breathing heavily like they just finished coming. At that point Mark kinda rolls off her and and they begin talking about the house.

Heartburn Lady-gasm Scene Breakdown
So the whole thing, from seeing the bucket to when he rolls off, takes 20 seconds, so it's a quick look at the end of their sex act, and it is clearly meant to insinuate that it was an orgasmic sex act. The main question, however, that we ask here in an SSL Review is whether the action happening in that scene seems like action that sensibly could cause a female orgasm. The answer to that is - yeah, sure.

This is actually one of the more unique lady-gasm sex scenes I've seen, and the uniqueness is what makes it better than your average. It was more realistic and gritty than most lady-gasm scenes I've come across because of how gentle the sounds and movements were, how close they were pressed against each other and how hungry and desperate their small movements against each other were. It was not showy in the slightest, but it was also not like two actors pretending to have sex. It felt to me like they were two people close to orgasm pressed against each other desperately vying for the position that will take them over the edge.


It's a dark scene and when I pause it on Hulu it gets even darker, but that's the scene...

I think it's safe to assume these two people were meant to be having intercourse, and it's true that most women do not orgasm during intercourse. However, if a woman were to come during intercourse it very likely wouldn't be because his penis was stimulating inside her vagina in some special way ('cause there's no physical evidence in all of scientific literature that inner vaginal stimulation causes orgasm).

It would most likely be because her outer clitoral glans was being stimulated during the act. That could happen because someone was manually stimulating or vibing the clit area during the ol' in and out (and man would I love to see that in a movie one day) or it could be because the clitoral area was being grinded against something like a partner or some bedding during the intercourse.

Because of how close Sarah and Mark were pressed together and how constant the pressure seemed to be (no up-down humping going on) that could totally have happened. Sarah's clit could be grinding against Marks pelvis while he's in her and pressed on her. I'm giving this situation a little extra bonus points because she didn't look passive during her orgasm. Her body was actively tussling against his body. That sense in this scene that the two were pressing and moving their bodies against each other, desperately vying to get the right position to go over the edge makes it all the more likely that Rachel was making sure her clit got the stimulation against Mark that it needed while he was inside her.

The Vulva Rating
At first glance, this was just missionary intercourse that ended in orgasm, and in a way, that quick understanding of this scene really reinforces the largely incorrect status quo idea that intercourse = ladygasm. However, this is actually a much more realistic, nuanced depiction of female orgasm. The close, constant body pressure, the subtlety and intensity in the sounds and movements, and the sense that Rachel was actively working her body against Marks to get where she wants to be makes it better than probably any lady-gasm-during-intercourse scene I've ever reviewed. I feel as though this kind of depiction doesn't just happen either. I feel like either Streep or someone else involved in the creation of this movie put thought into the realism of this scene. I'd love to interview her and see if she remembers...

I was going to only give this a 3 vulva review because at first I felt it was more ambiguous. It could really seem to the average viewer to just toe the line on the status quo. I mean, most people don't obsess over and dissect these scenes the way I do. But then as I was writing this, my appreciation for it grew, and I think I shouldn't hold societies systemic misconceptions about lady-gasm and people's status quo understanding against this very excellent scene...but I don't want to give it a full 5 vuvla rating either because it's not actively pushing progress in the depiction either. So, I deem this to be a very solid 4 vulva rating.

(!)(!)(!)(!)

8.17.2016

Random Hite Report #19



Hello, welcome again to one of my favorite segments on the SSL blog, Random Hite Report! It's simple really. I flip through the pages of the The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality  (or sometimes The Hite Report on Male Sexuality) by a one Ms. Shere Hite and copy the contents of the page where I land - no more no less. Anyone who reads my blog will know that this 1976 book is a fave of mine; not only because of its realistic and progressive insight about the female orgasm that is still shockingly relevant 40 years later,  but also because of its very touching insight into the lives of the women who took part in this huge, comprehensive survey. This is an under-appreciated and under-read book if you ask me - I suggest you buy it online (seriously, you can get them for like 1 cent) and read it.



 So, sit back, getcha a beverage, and enjoy a little...Random Hite Report...you never know what yer gonna get!

The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality Dell. 1976.
Pg. 280 From chapter "Intercourse" in the section called 'WOMEN WHO ORGASM DURING INTERCOURSE: HOW THEY DO IT'
3.Touching of the pubic bones together during intercourse.    Getting clitoral stimulation by the man's pubic bone hitting against the woman's with each thrust was another method used by some women. In most of the examples, the man was doing the moving. Positions included the man on top, or one or both sitting up; the woman's leg position s included everything from together to apart to up or bent up and back. The thrusting makes it hard to keep the stimulation on just the right spot, so it is important to have freedom of movement for yourself.
    "I prefer having the man on top, but i move a lot because I am finicky about the timing and thrusting that's going on. It requires a lot of squirming around to get certain places that are pleasurable. Also, if I keep my legs together, my grasp regulated the pressure as I like it."
    "Usually I receive clitoral stimulation by pressing my mons area against the pubic area of my partner in a rhythmic fashion. It is difficult for me to come in a standing or rear entry position, because the vital pubic bone to pubic bone pressure is missing. When he is on top, I usually grab his buttocks with my hands and guide him in his movements, if he isn't already doing what I want."
    "We have intercourse with him on top, bodies arched slightly so that my clitoral area is exposed and receiving stimulation by the natural thrusts of our bodies together."
    "During intercourse, I am on the bottom. I am scooted down so that the penis is at a right angle to his body. The energy required to resist his weight, and to move my hips seems to concentrate in the clitoral area of my pelvis. At this point, I lift my feet to concentrate the energy even more."
    "There is one position with me underneath with my legs up over my partner's shoulders that i can come with no arousal. it blows my mind."
    "I like not too deep penetration, long and smooth..... 

8.13.2016

The Hottest Man Sport in the Olympics



We're right smack dab in the Rio Summer Olympics, ya'll! I love the Olympics. I love them in the summer and in the winter too. I love curling, and equestrian, and luge, and fencing, and rhythmic gymnastics, and I so love the opening and closing ceremonies. I even loved Bob Costas's pink eye from the Sochi winter games.



Yes, the Olympics have very little to do with my movie Science, Sex and the Ladies, female orgasms or related subjects that are the make-up of this this blog, but I have eeked out connections in the past, like Olympic bulges and why Olympians should engage in mutual masturbation in the Olympic Village, and now for you I will again barely make the Olympics slightly relevant to this blog. I will do that by talking about the best hetero female masturbation fodder in the Olympics - dudes who dive.

So ladies who like dudes (and really ladies who like the ladies - because we're just talking about fantasy for your next Olympic themed rub-off, so it doesn't have to be something you'd actually want in real life. This is fantasy, so feel free to enjoy this too, my strictly lesbian friends), please prepare your fingers, palm, or vibrators for some serious clit action and assemble any masturbatory accessories.

Here are are the 5 hottest parts of the guy diver situation at the Rio Summer Olympics. 

1 Let's start simple. These dudes are obviously in great shape. Their physique is clearly easy on the eyes. The muscle definition, those muscles that only some guys have that are right above their junk, the six packs. I mean, a gal could really grind up against those washboard stomachs.

They shower after their dives! I mean, they're all wet and glistening with their wet hair looking all messy model-like as they sensually spread the water over their hard bodies. Come the fuck on. That is hot as hell.

Those tiny little speedos, though. They leave so little to the imagination, but just enough, ya know. I seriously think they get smaller every year, and sometimes when they're taking showers afterward, you see the dudes from behind and those little panties are just low enough that you catch sight of just a touch of sexy little butt crack. I'm not talking about a big ol' hairy plumber crack. This heavenly view is more like the beginning glimpse of a smooth muscly man ass right as the undies come all the way off. Ain't so bad. Also, I do believe that NBC intentionally was framing these dudes so the lower thirds on the screen cover right over the dick area of the speedos while they are showering and toweling off, which is a bunch of bullshit, because I'm sure we would have seen some outlines.

They hug a lot - at least in the synchronized diving. It makes sense. They're partners that put vast amounts of blood, sweat and tears into training intricate and exhausting physical feats. They did something absolutely amazing together and like most any two people in this situation, they hug it out. The thing is though, they're still all hot-bodied, wet, and in those speedos when they do it. How do you expect me not to imagine them slowly moving into a 69? I'm only human. I will rub one the hell out to that.

Steele Johnson...That's an American diver's name. My head almost blew off the top of my neck when I read that on the TV. I had to get up off my couch and walk around my living room 'cause I couldn't even believe it. I was flabbergasted in the most delightful way - because that is the most steller name I have ever come across. This isn't in and of itself masturbation fodder, but I'll put it in here just because I want to talk about it. He's also, I find out, from right here in the Indianapolis area, which makes me excessively proud - maybe even as proud as his father who was wearing a Steele Johnson t-shirt. I mean, I don't want this young man's top notch name to overshadow his incredible diving talent, though. He's got a lot going for him.


So there you go. Get to jigglin' that clit to this beautiful man sport. I don't have pictures because the Olympics are assholes and would probably sue me. Plus, it's better to imagine.

8.08.2016

SSL Review - Seinfeld S5 E1 "The Mango"



A Seinfeld SSL Review
Charlie's been randomly watching old Seinfelds during his lunch lately, and I happen to be around during a particularly SSL Reviewable episode, Season 5 Episode 1, "The Mango."


As my most of you already know, an SSL Review is a critique specifically of a depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or masturbation. I critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

"THE MANGO" DETAILED SUMMARY
I usually take each scene containing depiction/discussion of lady-gasm one by one and discuss them that way, but this whole episode is about lady-gasm, particularly the faking of, and it is better discussed as a full piece. So, I'm going to give you an overview of the episode with transcripts of key parts (from my ear to the paper, so forgive any misspellings and such). Then I'll discuss at the end.

Scene #1 - Cafe Lady-gasm Discussion and Discovery of Orgasm Faking
So it begins with Jerry and George eating at the diner and George is talking about his new girlfriend, Karen. He thinks it's all good except one part which Jerry guesses correctly is something sexual. George begins to explain.

George: I've never really felt confident in the...ah...one particular aspect.
Jerry: Below the equator?
George: yeah.
Jerry: Nobody does. You know, nobody knows what to do. You just close your eyes 'n hope for the best. I really think they're happy if you just make an effort.
George: I..I..I don't know. Last time I got the tap.
Jerry: You got the tap?
George: You know, you're going along, you think everything's alright. Then all the sudden ya, ya get the tap. You know it's like,  '(he whistles) Alright that's enough. You're through.'
Jerry: The tap is tough.
George: It's like the manager coming out and asking you for the ball.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, maybe she just wanted to move on to other business.
George: Nah, no this wasn't moving on. I got the hook. I wish I could get a lesson in that.
Jerry: It's a very complicated area.
George: You could go crazy trying to figure that place out.
Jerry: It's a hazy mystery.
George: Anyway, I think everything else is okay. Unless of course she's fakin'.

(Elaine comes in and sits down)
Elaine: Who's fakin'?
George: Nothing.
Elaine: Fakin' what?
George: Nobody's faking.
Elaine: Ahhh! orgasm?
George: She's not faking.
Elaine: How do you know?
George: I know, I can tell. It's one of my powers. Why? Did you ever fake?
Elaine: Of course.
Jerry: Really?!
George: You faked?
Elaine: On occasion.
Jerry: And the guy never knows?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: How could he not know that?
Elaine: 'Cause I was gooood.
Jerry: I guess after that many beers he's probably a little groggy anyway.
(Jerry and George laugh)

Elaine: You didn't know.
Jerry: What?
Elaine: You didn't know.
Jerry: Are you saying...with me?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: You faked with me?
Elaine: Yeah
Jerry: You faked with me?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: No.
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: You faked it?
Elaine: I faked it.
Jerry: That thing, that whole production? It was all an act?
Elaine: Not bad, huh?
Jerry: What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?
Elaine: fake. fake. fake. fake.
Jerry: I'm stunned. I'm shocked.

(Elaine shruggs her shoulders)
Jerry: How many times did you do this?
Elaine: Uuumm.....All the time.
Jerry: All the time! I thought I was so good.
George: I'm sure you were.
Elaine: Listen Jerry. it's not you. I just didn't have them back then.
Jerry: She faked...maybe they've all been faked.
Elaine: I'm sure they're not.
George: Maybe Karen is faking

Scene #2 - Jerry Goes Home And Talks To Kramer About It
Jerry tells Kramer he doesn't understand why she would lie. He says it's like sexual pejury.

Jerry: How'd she do it? She's like Meryl Streep this women. And I know how to work the equipment! I'm not unskilled. I'm in the union! How did she do it? I mean if she could have at least told me I could have done something about it.
Kramer: Yeah - I could have helped you out.
Jerry: What could you have done?
Kramer: Well, I could have given you some pointers. I know how to press those buttons, buddy.
Jerry: Well I'm feeling very inadequate about the whole thing.

Then Elaine calls because they are supposed to see a movie later. He's all upset and says he doesn't want to do anything with her, but then he does anyway.

Scene #3 Elaine's Office After The Phone Call To Jerry
Elaine: Renee, can you come here a second. Let me ask you something. Ummmm...have you ever, you know, faked it?
Renee: Yeah sometimes.
Elaine: Really, like when?
Renee: Like if we went to Broadway show, if we had really good seats. Well, and you know, if it's enough already and I just want to get some sleep.

Scene #4 George And Karen On A Date
They are eating dinner. After she finishes her risotto, she kinda ooo's an ahh's and moans all orgasmy-ish and lights up a cigarette. George is freaked out and tries to cryptically ask if she orgasms with him by asking if she feels the same way about the risotto as she does about him. He never gets any kind of answer and is just more freaked out.

Scene #5 Jerry And Elaine At Dinner - He Asks For a 2nd Chance
Jerry can't stop talking about the faking thing and Elaine keeps trying to tell him to stop worrying, but then Jerry blurts out:

Jerry: Give me another shot.
Elaine: What?!
Jerry: Another shot. I want another shot.
Elaine: You mean? No - I don't think so.
Jerry: Come on. One more shot. I can do it. I know I can do it.
Elaine: Jerry, we're friends. We can't do that. We're friends. It would ruin our friendship.
Jerry: Oh friendship sminship.
Elaine: No - that's important to me.
Jerry: Oh - we won't ruin the friendship.
Elaine: Yes we will.
Jerry: Elaine!
Elaine: It is out of the question. No Jerry. You know what sex does to a friendship. It kills it.
Jerry: A half hour. Give me a half hour.
Elaine: No.
Jerry: Okay, 15 minute. I guarantee you 15 minutes, and I can make it happen.
Elaine: No!
Jerry: You're worried I'll be able to do it, aren't you?
Elaine: What? No. It doesn't matter. Jerry, I don't caaare.
Jerry: That's it. That's it. You like having this on me. You don't want me to do it.
Elaine: That is so ridiculous
Jerry: Come on Elaine!.
Elaine: No!
Jerry: Elaine!
Elaine: No!

Scene #6 George And Karen In Bed After George Couldn't Get It Up 
They are laying face up next to each other looking up forward. He looks animated and neurotic, going over stuff in his head, and she looks unsatisfied. He tells her it was Jerry's fault, and she replies:




Karen: Oh I don't care. George, really it's alright.
George: So you feel okay?
Karen: Well, it's not like after the risotto.

Scene #7 Jerry, George, Kramer, and the Introduction of the Mango
They are all 3 at Jerry's apartment. George is basically telling them that he couldn't get it up with Karen, and he's thinking it'll never work again. Jerry had been calling ex girlfriends asking about if they had orgasms when they were together. He gets ahold of one and she says yes, and then he immediately calls Elaine to tell her other girls have come with him.
Then George eats some mango that is really good and starts to feel a tingling in his man junk, so he leaves triumphantly.

Scene #8 George In Aftermath Of Sex With Karen
They are both sweaty, and Karen is giving little aftermath moans like it was good. George starts talking in a little bit of an arrogant way.



George: Thanks. It's not necessary.
Karen: What's not necessary?
George: The little extra moan you threw in there. Laying it on extra thick aren't we?
Karen: What are you talking about?
George:What am I talking about? Come on. You really think I bought all that?
Karen: What?
George: You're very good. You're very good with the moaning and the gyrations and all of that. You really had me going there for a minute
Karen: You think I was faking?
George: Come one. Oh George! Oh George! Come on. Not that I don't appreciate the effort that was put into it.

Then she kicks him out.

Scene #9 - Jerry's Other Shot
Elaine comes by to give Jerry some of his stuff from her apartment since Jerry can't get over it and the friendship can't go on. But, just before she leaves, she gives in and says she'll give him another shot. He's giddy, and they go into the bedroom.



It cuts back to them and they are next to each other in his bed. Elaine's on her side reading a magazine. Jerry's freaking out because he clearly couldn't get it up, and he's lost his 'other shot'. He says it's all George's fault. Then Elaine says, "You know, I'm a little hungry. You wouldn't happen to have any of that mango left?"
And there my friends is the punch line - Jerry's eye's widen at the thought of some mango giving him a boner again just like it did for George.


THE REVIEW
I'll try to keep this quick, so let me bullet point the things I want to say:

  • Jerry, I'm not sure if you're an idiot or an asshole. You wanna make Elaine come so bad? You wanna prove you can do it? EAT. HER. OUT. News flash: you don't need an erect penis to do that. You don't need a penis at all really. No mango required.
  • The fact that there was not even a nod to the fact that he could have used something other than his dick to make her come is quite telling. I would be blamey towards him for not knowing that most women (and probably even more than we currently acknowledge) don't orgasm during intercourse, but it's actually not surprising and ya almost can't blame someone for that. With the media and sex ed and every other part of our sexual culture insinuating that ladies come from penises moving in vaginas, one probably never hears the cold hard fact that there is absolutely no physical record of an orgasm caused by stimulation inside the vagina in all of science. Clits need to be stimulated, people. Clits.
  • I'm not trying to harp on this, but...listen, they spoke at the beginning of the show about going down on the ladies, so I know they know it exists, and I also know they can find ways to speak about it in the show and still get by censors. So, you tell me why there was no discussion or attempt by Jerry to orally get at Elaine's clit. You. tell. me!
  • I'm gonna side with George on one thing. She probably was faking...because the situation was about him being able to get it up....which means he was able to fuck her hole with his pole, which means he probably did nothing but stimulate her vagina...which means she probably didn't come.
  • Jerry's comment about women simply being happy that a man would make an effort at eating her out: Man, fuck you. Yeah, Jerry, we don't want to come. We just like to be aroused and then NOT come - kinda like the blue balls situation you dudes like so well. We are just happy you gave us an opportunity to help you come. Yeah, I know this is a joke line, and it fits the notoriously thoughtless style of Seinfeld characters, but this type of sentiment from men is too real to just be a joke. It acts equally as a reinforcement and normalization of that viewpoint, and sadly it isn't much different now, 20 years later. See this lady who gave up BJ's due to men all too often giving about as much fucks or less than Jerry did in that statement.
  • George's wishes that he could get some lessons on the ol' oral were nice, cause at least he's thinking about it, but it just reminded me how very much porn teaches us ladies about dick sucking and how little it teaches about clit sucking. Seriously, porn cunnilingus is showy, often painful looking (at least to me - those dudes do some rough shit sometimes), and rarely takes the lady to orgasm. I actually do feel more sorry for guys in that department. Ladies, if you can't figure out how to suck some come out of a man from watching porn, then you aren't great at learning. That said...it's still not that hard to do the ol' cunnilingus. If a dude puts in the time, he'll figure it out just fine. Lots of men have done it. It's not rocket science.
  • Why they gotta be straight up saying that the female orgasm is a mystery? It ain't. I'm not surprised it was said. That's an incredibly common sentiment, but it's BS. Female orgasm is a mystery in the way making a PB&J without the peanut butter is a mystery. You need the P for a PB&J and you need the clit for the female orgasm. Banging a woman usually doesn't include the clit. Women don't walk around tickling guys balls and being surprised at the mysterious nature of the male orgasm - we know that won't work, so men shouldn't walk around stimulating our vaginas and being surprised at the mysterious nature of the female orgasm - they should know that doesn't work, The lady-gasm isn't mysterious. You just stupid.
  • I call bullshit on Elaine telling Jerry it wasn't a big deal that she didn't orgasm with him. She says she just didn't have them back then. Let me tell you a story; Jerry never ate her out or touched her clit. That's why she didn't have orgasms with him. It's not like at 30, her body just evolved like an x-rated Pokemon, suddenly going from no orgasm to orgasm power even though she was doing the same shit she'd been doing before. That's ridiculous. Okay, to be fair maybe she didn't have orgasms back then, but it was probably because she has since started advocating for her orgasm. She dates dudes that go down and she makes sure her clit gets rubbed when she's fucking. So, just 'cause she didn't come back then doesn't mean it's fine and Jerry is a fine lover. He's still probably a selfish, clueless, penis centered lover. It's just that now Elaine either avoids, educates, or rubs her own junk despite those types of lovers.
  • All the stuff about women faking is unfortunate, but true. And it's true partly because of everything we talk about above. Lady-gasms are not prioritized, depicted correctly, and not a natural part of the 'normal' flow of a sexual encounter (ie. some, but not enough, foreplay to the clit and penis, then intercourse until the male orgasms). We women do the best we can to navigate a sexual culture that is very much not conducive to female orgasm and very much unwilling to admit it is not conducive. Sometime our best option is to fake. If people don't want women faking, people need to create a sexual culture where it doesn't make much sense to. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
  • Notice how the problem was framed as poor George and poor Jerry feeling like they weren't able to bring any woman they wanted to orgasm. It wasn't that poor Elaine had a bunch of sex with Jerry and probably other men without any orgasm at all. Take a minute and think about how much that sucks and how much a guy would think that sucks if that was his experience. It's a perfect reflection of how very little the female orgasm is valued as part of a sexual encounter and how not problematic it seems for a woman to go through all the work and grossness of sex without that lovely final orgasm that makes it all worth it.
  • Yes, I know these are pretend characters on a TV show 20 years ago. I'll talk at them like they are real anyway. The thing is though, pretend people that we hang out with over a period of years pull strong influence on us with what they do, how they dress, and what they say, so I think critique, even nit-picky critiques, are important.

THE VULVA RATING
So, this whole episode is a reflection of some of the worst aspects of our sexual culture when it comes to lady-gasms.
There is a reinforcement and normalization through humor of:

  1. The female orgasm and female genitals being confusing and mysterious
  2. The idea that to get a woman to orgasm, one needs an erect penis to put in and out of her vagina
  3. The sense that women don't need orgasms and that it's no big deal if she doesn't get to have orgasms when she has sex
  4. Male sexual pride, not the pleasure of the female is the most important loss when a woman doesn't come or fakes coming during sex
  5. Completely ignoring the clit and stimulation of the clit when it comes to sexual encounters and to making a woman orgasm

All of that adds up to a backwards step for Orgasm Equality and a ZERO VULVA RATING.






8.03.2016

Vintage SSL - The Alternative Universe Orgasm



I decided to do something I haven't done on this blog before - put up an old post like it's new. It sounds nicer if I call it vintage, so that's what I'm calling it. This post was originally written on January 11th 2011, so it's had 5 years to ripen. I did make a couple small fixes to read better, but that's it. It's one of my faves. Enjoy.

From Sophia Wallace's 'Cliteracy, 101 Natural Laws' She's awesome. Check her out.

The Alternative Universe
Okay....Imagine, if you will, an alternate universe....Mostly things are the same except people extract eggs and sperm to make babies and thus think about sex a bit differently. Of all the sexual possibilities, what our current universe calls 'sex' is intercourse. In this new and exciting alternate universe, when people say 'sex', they mean that the woman's clitoris is grinded on the base of the penis (where it connects to the balls) - until orgasm. This is the general definition of sex in this alternate universe. But, grinding the clit onto the lower pelvis where it meets the penis or on the inner thigh close to where it meets the penis would also be considered sex - just different positions. Oral sex, manual stimulation, and intercourse all also exist, but are not the common type of "real sex" that is depicted and discussed so commonly in movies, TV, books, porn, and songs.

Alternative Universe Sex Culture
Okay, so in this universe a few things are common knowledge:
  • Women average 3 to 7 minutes to reach orgasm. Men average about 25 minutes.
  • Only about 20 - 30% of men on surveys claim to orgasm from sex alone. 10% of men have never experienced an orgasm.
  • Men on average watch porn less often, masturbate less, have fewer sexual fantasies, are less interested in one night stands, and generally have a lower sex drive
  • Men tend to need more romance and emotional connections to feel aroused and satisfied during a sexual encounter
In the porn of this culture, often times the males don't have erect penises during "sex" but they still "orgasm" and very enthusiastically at that. People generally don't strictly associate an erect penis with a male orgasm.  Sex advice books for women are largely focused on how to please a man and advice books for men are largely focused on how to up his sex drive, find pleasure during sex, and how to orgasm. It is taken for granted that women need their clitoris stimulated to orgasm. It's as if you don't even have to say that. For men, the advice books always really emphasize the importance of the penis. In foreplay it should be manually or orally stimulated, and these could even be considered full sexual acts.

However, these books also go on about the different positions that could make sex more pleasurable for him. For instance, if he's on top and she's rubbing against the base of his penis where it meets his leg, and at a particular angle, the penis is in a position to get more stimulation against her navel. Yay for him! Oh and by the way, what's great about that position is that it not only gives him some penile stimulation, but he can also put pressure on the inner base of the penis. Most people believe that the inner base of the penis  (the part that extends inside the body a bit) is the "K-spot." The idea is that the K-spot allows a deeper caressing of the penis that accounts for a deeper, more full bodied orgasm than the penile orgasm does. It is, of course, not an orgasm that all men seem to be able to achieve, although there's not much research on the subject. Most advice books will tell you that the majority of men need penile stimulation in order to orgasm, even as they sing the praises of k-spot stimulating sex positions.

Alternative Universe Scientific Sex Knowledge
Strangely though, if you really look into the research of this culture you would find that when men masturbate they can orgasm as fast, easily, and reliably as women, and the way men masturbate doesn't look a lot like how they have sex. Also, there has been no scientifically and physically verified cases of a male orgasm through "k-spot" stimulation, even though it seems like there are plenty of men - in porn and movies and stuff like that - that have them all the time.

Flippin' That Script
If you think this alternate universe seems kinda blind and clueless, well.....we should probably look in the mirror. 'Cause we be treatin' the clit like the this alternative universe treats the penis. It's some BS. #Cliteracy #IMadeAWholeMovieAboutThis #SexSoMale