Someone posted a link to this article called 12 Reasons Why There's Orgasm Inequality (And No, It's Not That Women Are 'Harder To Please'), and I said Hallelujah, Sister Suzannah Weiss! Speak that truth, speak that damn truth! The female orgasm is not a mystery.
So, if you read my blog, you know that I believe deep, deep in my soul that there is a New Sexual Revolution on its way, and you know I think it has to be based in Orgasm Equality. You also know I've been collecting articles and people and things out there that seem to reflect the stirrings of this revolution. I call it the Orgasm Equality Allies List, and Suzannah Weiss and her on-point article were immediately added to that, because she laid it the hell down, and I love it.
Honestly, her message as a whole was simple. Women are orgasming less than men not because females are biologically less capable of orgasm, but because our sexual culture is toxic to the female orgasm. She goes on to point out some of the ways our culture inhibits lady-gasms, but that's the basics. The thing is, it is actually a quite simple concept, but that toxic sexual culture is so deeply ingrained in us as people it's hard to see it clearly, and it makes the discussion incredibly complicated. In fact it's so complicated and so ingrained that it's kinda hard to speak about because you first need to convince people that a problem even exists to begin with. She does a fantastic job, though, and tackles some of the really important sticking points of this topic quite well.
It's a fantastic, poignant, brave article, and I highly recommend you check it out. Here's a quick couple of my fave things about it.
1 She has none of the orgasm-isn't-the only-important-part-of-sex talking point that often get brought up in these conversations and ends up dumping a big cold bucket of water on any interesting discussion about women's right for orgasmic sex with a simple, to the point line.
"Orgasm doesn’t have to be the focus of sex, but if a woman wants one, she should have as much of a right to request it as anyone else does."2 She points out the many-faced issues that pop up with 1-1 interactions that keep orgasm inequality strong.
The lack of interest from (some although not all) men in trying to get a woman to orgasm, the pressure women feel to make sure men orgasm, the privilege men feel about their right to orgasm, and the ingrained insecurities women feel about their own capability for and right to orgasm. It's a hot mix of trouble, I tell ya, and she touches on all of it.
3 She also acknowledges how incredibly tricky and persistent this whole thing:
"Orgasm inequity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When men believe women’s bodies are an impossible puzzle, they don’t try to solve it. Neither do women who are taught their own pleasure is inaccessible."
Seriously, when I read great stuff like this, it excites the hell out of me, and I feel like I'm seeing more and more stuff like this. One, it tells me that I'm not that crazy - because although I know this really is an issue and an important one, sometimes it gets to feeling like it's too big and too few people are willing to see it. So, it feels awesome to be reminded that there are women all over who are feeling this inequity and are able to verbalize what they are feeling. Two - I just love that there is one more thing out there in the world that is realistic and thoughtful on this topic to counteract the silly, inaccurate bullshit that makes up the vast majority of writing on female sexuality.
Keep grinding away, Suzannah Weiss - You're doing the good work!