Hello, friends. It's time for more Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.
Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online. Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog.
The Hite Report on Male Sexuality Knopf, 1981 pg 826.
This is from the chapter Love, Relationships, and Monogamy Between Men. Under the question "Describe the time you fell most deeply in love. How did it feel? What happened?"
"....for either of us we each supported the other strongly. When we began after 2 years to do fewer things together, i knew that my commitment was dying. So, I decided not to move with him when he got a job offer in another city. He was surprised and hurt but made a fast recovery. I was upset, too. I still deeply love they guy. We visit each other at holidays, and have sex. But it is more out of a tribute to the past, I guess."
And many gay men expressed their desire for long-term relationships in very sincere and warm terms when asked, "what are your deepest longings for a relationship with another person?"
"My deepest longings are to find someone to form a lifelong loving, give-take relationship based on love, trust, companionship, and understanding. It would be a physically and emotionally fulfilling relationship."
"My deepest longings are to find the person who fulfills me. Who I fulfill. With whom I find and can share the beauty I have seen. Someone I can cherish. Someone who builds me up when I am down."
"I want a permanent relationship with someone who is 'always there.' The hardest thing in my life is ultimately being alone at night. I can have great days and good times at work and in a variety of traditional ways, but it always ends in going home alone. I wish there was someone there to go to bed with me for the night; someone who cares for me and who was not there necessarily for the sex."
"To find a male sexual partner - a man I can share my life with and to whom I can express all my emotions, sexual passions, and drives - and most of all a man I can love."
"My hope is that I find someone who is attractive, a good person, happy, that likes or loves only me, faults and all. That I can be relaxed and giving with. Sex together would be very satisfying. That we both have satisfying careers and are comfortable financially. That I think of him a lot when he is away. Our relationship gets better and deeper as time passes. That we are monogamous. And share hobbies and common interests together. That we stay together until we are very old. That we both share a family of friends and contribute to the community. That we truly and deeply love each other. That he is also my best friend and lover. That my real family loves and accepts him as a son also."
"Is gay 'promiscuity' a myth or a reality? Do you prefer emotional closeness or casual sex or both?" "Are you in love? In a steady relationship? How many men have you had a sexual relationship with? Do you like monogamy?"
Many men said that "promiscuity" is a word with many negative connotations, which they preferred not to use. One man replied, " 'Promiscuity' is a ridiculous word!" Another pointed out that just as it is inappropriate to identify someone by sexual preference, it is also inappropriate to link the terms "gay" and promiscuous": ...