I just bought a new car. It's the fanciest car I have ever owned. I don't have to use a screw driver in the process of starting it, so I feel really good about the purchase. The point of all this is to say that the car came with 6 months of free Sirius XM Radio. So, there's all kinds of shit on Sirius, but I noticed that there was a Playboy station on my channel card, and I thought this might be a fantastic chance to get some SSL review material on my long ass drive to and from work. I turned to it, and indeed there was talking a lot about sex. I soon realized it was actually Vivid Radio not Playboy Radio. I guess the card's wrong about the channels. Anyway, it seems like it's mostly hour long talk shows with Vivid porn star ladies (Vivid is like one of the most famous high quality porn production companies out there in case you didn't know).
So, I was listening to a show called, Dirtiest Girl in the World: Annie Cruz. It's just Annie Cruz (a porn star) telling stories and taking calls. Turns out, she tells a whole story about her weekend of screwing that includes some orgasm talk, and I figure I can SSL review it real quick.
I guess she has a boyfriend that on radio she calls Captain America, and she tells stories about him from time to time. Apparently, this past weekend she flew down to the city ol' Capt'n lives in, and they did it a lot. She tells the story of all their sex adventures and asks people to count how many times they have sex so they can call in with the answer and win a prize.
The number was 15 by the way. Basically, he bangs the shit out of her constantly, pretty much in every position. She almost always mentions his orgasm for each sexual encounter - usually in the form of where he put his load...vag, ass, or mouth. Her first encounter begins with Capt'n lifting her in the air against a wall and putting his mouth against her pantied crotch. From her story, it seems like he messes mouth to crotch for a while but there was no insinuation of an orgasm, and he quickly manhandled her onto the bed and began banging her vag mish (I learned that pornstars call missionary position mish while listening to this station, and I kinda like it). At this point she says something like, "after like 3 or 4 orgasms" and goes on talking. So the assumption is that his ramming into her caused orgasm after orgasm. It's, unsurprisingly, the same way female orgasm would be portrayed in a porn or in a romance novel. He does a tiny bit of oral and then rainbows fly out of her vag in orgasmic waves while some p in v happens. It's completely unrealistic, but not unexpected.
She doesn't ever speak about her orgasm again - or ever say anything about the clitoris until like day 3 of the weekend, when he goes down on her, and she's really raving about this one. She mentions that very few dudes ever are able to get her off with just their tongue, which makes me start to wonder if she's talking about jamming tongues into her vagina since she's really only spoken about her vagina. However, to my great surprise, she says something like, "his tongue was just dancing around my clit." So I loved that. That was a clearly feasible story...clit, tongue, orgasm - yes, that is realistic.
So, I'd say this would get a better SSL review than your average porno, but it still strongly gave the whole I-need-a dick-inside-me-to-come-and-the-harder-faster-the-better vibe, and that's not realistic and not helpful, so I'm only giving this show 2 vulvas. I mean can't we ever hear about a gal rubbing her clit off while she's getting banged...I mean at least 1 out of the 15 times, right?
I like living in Central Indiana. There's lot's of fun, talented, interesting people around. There's stuff to do and good things to eat. Around my house there's probably too many sweet cats that want to be friends, but that's okay. I'm saying this because Indianapolis, Indiana, and the whole Midwest really get a lot of shit. From people in other places, but also from people who live here. The going wisdom is that the Midwest is boring, but honestly everywhere is boring in its own way, and I've always been of the opinion that if you are bored, it's because you are, in fact, a boring person - but that's not what I wanted to discuss.
I just wanted to point out that the Midwest (and Indiana in particular) is a little more avant garde than it gets credit for. Most of the big sexual thought bombs were dropped in these parts, folks. The Kinsey Reports came out of Indiana University where the world renowned Kinsey Institute still resides. The revolutionary physiology of orgasm research from Masters and Johnson was straight out of St. Louis. The recent groundbreaking book (The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution) about the evolution of female orgasm by Elisabeth Lloyd, is also out of Indiana University.
I'd like to think that making Science, Sex and the Ladies is in this grand tradition, and as such has classically Midwestern content. What can we say? Shakin' up the sexual status quo - that's what we do around here.
I have about 15 blog posts rolling around in my mind that I would like to write. However, I can't seem to find the time to do any of those right now (sorry about the almost week between this and last post by the way...). The day job and some other things are taking priority right now. So, I am posting something here, but it is actually something I recently wrote for our online press kit for the movie. We have a section in there called Q&A, where we answer some commonly asked questions about the movie.
Let me just say that the responses we have been getting from this movie have all been positive, I know that sounds ridiculous, but let me explain further. Some responses are super positive through and through, but others are mostly positive but with some concerns. The concerns always come from the most controversial part of the movie, so I get it. There is a lot of content in this movie and most are things that are hard not to get behind. It's that whole part about us saying that the stimulation of the vaginal walls has never been shown to cause orgasm that gets some people. However, it's the part I think is most important. We as a culture have ignored this issue for far too long, and I think that's part of the reason we're in the situation we are in now.
So, I figured we needed to talk more about this part of the movie in the press kit, because I know it really does strike nerves - sometimes hurtfully and sometimes refreshingly, and I think responses to it can be guttural and emotional, so I think it's important to clearly reiterate what exactly the movie is saying and to keep it in perspective. So here's that little section of our Press Kit Q&A.
|still from Sciences, Sex and the Ladies|
Do you really think that vaginal orgasms don’t exist?We knew that discussing the vaginal orgasm in the way we do would be controversial. However, this discussion is a fundamental elements of SSL’s argument, and we believe it opens up important conversations that our culture must engage in if there is to be any real change.
What the movie actually states is that an orgasm caused by stimulation of the vaginal walls has never been documented. Given the media omnipresence and the cultural importance of women attaining orgasm merely through the penile/vaginal penetration, and given that there are women who clearly say that they do orgasm this way, this statement could seem overly bold and even harsh. Yet, it’s a true statement, at least as true as we can tell. Of course, one never knows what may pop up in the literature, but we do keep up pretty well on the research.
There are some popularly cited studies used often to give credit to the idea of this vaginally activated orgasms (VAOs); studies involving the close proximity of the inner clitoral legs to the vagina, brain scans of women claiming (although not physically verified) to have experienced VAOs, instances in which arousal is recorded or pleasure is reported due to g-spot/vaginal/cervical stimulation. However, we have yet to find a study where there is a causal link between vaginal/ g-spot/cervical stimulation and a verified instance of orgasm (orgasm being the universally accepted description documented by Masters and Johnson). In fact the only physical sexual release related to vaginal stimulation that has been recorded is ejaculation, which is physically quite different from an orgasm. It may seem like VAOs should exist, but if they do, the scientific community has yet to document them.
13. So, are you calling women who say they have vaginal orgasms liars? The movie speculates that most women who claim to orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone – actually may not be orgasming in this way. Shaming women by calling them liars is certainly not our intention, and we hope the movie reflects this. Name calling and blaming is of no use to such a nuanced and important topic, but clarity and honest discussion most certainly is.
It is uncontroversial to say that the vast majority of women do not orgasm through vaginal stimulation. Most surveys would put that number at 70-85% of women. However, to speculate about the accuracy of the vaginal orgasm claims of the remaining 15-30% is quite controversial. Yet, the fact remains that there is a discrepancy. There has never been a recorded instance of orgasm caused by vaginal stimulation, yet some women claim these happen. Something has to give, and we argue that of those 15-30% of women, some may actually be ejaculating and calling that an orgasm, or having some kind of spiritual/emotional climax and calling that an orgasm, or attaining a high level of physical arousal and calling that an orgasm, or simply claiming on a survey that they orgasm this way when they do not.
We understand that women have traditionally had explanations of their own experiences ignored far too often, and we know that second guessing a person’s answers may strike some as condescending. We get that, but we don’t think it does women or the scientific understanding or orgasm any good to blindly slide past this hard issue.
We would argue that given the saturation of vaginally stimulated orgasm in our media, given the cultural importance placed upon orgasm through penile vaginal stimulation, given that our society often leaves women and girls ignorant about their orgasm functioning and genital structure in ways it does not for men, and given that even sexual advisers and researchers, when speaking about women, are known to use the word “orgasm” in relation to things other than the established definition of orgasm (such as ejaculation, emotional/spiritual climax, and high levels of arousal) - given all of that, we don’t see why it would be such a leap to wonder whether the last 15 to 30% of women might not actually be experiencing orgasm.
As opposed to seeing this inquiry as a means to call women liars and creating a harsh hierarchy of female orgasm, we see this as a means for giving women the accurate information they are craving and for creating a clear vocabulary for which women can speak about their sexual experiences. We believe women are fully capable of moving forward in this way without judging each other or themselves for the way all women have had to rather blindly negotiate their way around this confusing sexual landscape thus far.
If you’d like to read further about these ideas, check out the following posts on the SSL blog.
Hello! Today you get more RANDOM HITE REPORT! As you may or may not know, this is where I take one random page and one page only out of this super important book from the 70's, and transcribe it for you here on the blog. It's women answering detailed questions about their sex and love lives, and it's incredibly interesting and insightful. Here ya go..
The following is from the section "Orgasm" in the chapter called "Women Who Never Orgasm." These answers are from questions that ask for detailed description of how the women masturbate, including things like the position of their legs.
There were some woman who never orgasmsed but did masturbate, though not to orgasm.
"I enjoy masturbation while I'm doing it, but afterward I feel bad about it. I can't get over the things my parents taught me about masturbation being bad. I used to do it once or twice a month, but I've only done it once since I got married. I've come closest to having an orgasm when I was masturbating, but I've never had one. It's more intense when I'm alone because I'd be too embarrassed to do it with anyone else around, including my husband. I've seen my husband masturbating, but he doesn't know it."
"I get started by playing with my breasts. When I've gotten myself started, I begin playing with my clitoris, but I keep playing with my breasts too. I stick my finger into my vagina and move it back and forth like a penis would go. At the same time I use my thumb to press and rub around my clitoris. I have to press or rub real hard to get much of a feeling in my clitoris. My legs are apart, and I don't move much. I lie there quietly and enjoy it, even though I never have orgasmed yet."
"I have rubbed my clitoral area with my forefinger, starting slow then faster. I usually quit before orgasm from loneliness, slight discomfort, some fatigue and boredom. My legs apart and sitting."
"When I am undressed, I enjoy just feeling my body. On rare occasions I become aroused enough by feeling my body that I masturbate. When I masturbate, I continue to feel my body in general, but I concentrate on my breasts. I feel them, stroke them, massage them, etc. When I get more aroused, I concentrate on my nipples, and I tickle them with the tips of my fingers. I continue to feel my body in general too, but I do not concentrate on doing that the way I do to my breasts. It never leads to orgasm, of course, since I never have, nor ever expect to have, orgasms."
"I don't enjoy masturbating, and never have reached orgasm when doing it. Every six months to a year or so, I will rather idly try it, but usually abandon the effort after a few minutes."
It's a lovely day here in ol' Indianapolis. I just thought I'd say that cause it's mostly not been lovely days for the past 4 months, so it's a refreshing change and worth saying. Another nice thing that has happened is that a post I did for BlogHer got featured, and a lot of people seem to be reading and sharing it, which I'm pretty much into, ya know? It is about none other than Orgasm Equality (what the hell else would I write about?), and it's got a little perspective switch for you to chew on.
I'll have some more actual posts up soon. I have a lot of SSL reviewing to do. I have Blue is the Warmest Color, Nymphomaniac Vol 1 and 2, House of Cards season 2, Game of Thrones Season 1, 2 and 3. Plus, I have like 50 more in my mind that I need to watch again because I watched them before I was doing SSL Reviews, but I clearly remember a depiction or discussion of female sexual release or masturbation (A Dirty Shame, Monster's Ball - if you have any other's I haven't done yet, let me know). I also need to start watching Girls and reviewing that, I think... Anyway, point is - watch for those post coming up, but for now, travel over and read what I had to say to the BlogHer readership! Check it HERE
Oh- and I Googled images for "Indianapolis" to get a pic for the blog (since I said it was a beautiful day here. Oh, and I tried Googling "beautiful day in Indianapolis" and it was really just wedding pictures), and I liked this one of the Children's Museum. We got ourselves a pretty kickass Children's Museum, BTW.
Hello out there. It's no secret that I love revolutionary, orgasm equality, fuck-the-status-quo people. I love their hope and enthusiasm and bravery. I love that shit, and I'm excited about our future when I see it. I see it in random posts from random bad-ass bloggers, in the artist behind Cliteracy, in various authors from the 70's thru today who speak realistically and thoughtfully on the subject, in my amazing readers, in many friends and acquaintances when we speak on the subject. I've written about a lot of them here, and I feel very optimistic. I think The Orgasm Equality Movement is growing - even if it's not always called by the same name and even if the people who are in it don't realize they are in a movement. I think its time has come.
I thought about this because I just read a fantastic post on the DodsonRoss website by Betty Dodson, a woman who has worked her whole life for Orgasm Equality. She's as fiery and hopeful and awesome as ever, and I thought I'd put up the final paragraphs of her post as a tribute to her leadership.
So for all the teens, twenties, thirties on up through every decade to ninety, for all of those marvelous girls and women who reach out to me wanting to know how to have orgasm in our sexually repressed society, I’ll never give up! Sex is like any other skill; first it must be learned and then practiced. Once we experience orgasm, we can then go about our lives knowing we are not "broken" or "frigid" or sexually deficient in any way. The Orgasmic Sisterhood will have decision making roles in government to bring Americans back to good health and fulfill the promise of a democracy that will also include equal sexual pleasures for all.
Before this happens, we must acknowledge masturbation as the foundation for all of human sexuality. Once masturbation enters the lexicon of human sexuality, orgasms will be taught along with all the other skills in this big beautiful world of ours on planet Earth.
More SSL Reviews of House of Cards, you say? Fine. Will do. So here goes.
Season 1 Episode 7 - Well, let's just say this is a who's your daddy situation happening here. I'm trying not to be a spoiler, but what's happening is an older man is going down on a much younger woman while she is on the phone with her father. It's a who's your daddy situation because after she comes, he basically implies that he's the daddy. Honestly it's not as creepy as I'm making it. It's not all incest fantasy or anything - just a bit of a power trip.
Anyway, she lays back on the bed. He pulls her pants off, and then he proceeds to put his mouth on her general clitoral/vulva area. There is no sense that he is trying to mess with or put anything in her vaginal whole, and he's just kinda moving his head around a bit. It looks convincing enough, and the stimulation is clearly on a part of her body where orgasm could occur, so her orgasm is not completely unrealistic.
I will say, however, that she begins to orgasm almost immediately once he puts his mouth on her. It seemed a little silly and slightly pornish. In the end, I think the scene was more about showing the power he has over her than about any realistic expression of female sexual release. I'll let it slide though. It was a depiction of dude on lady oral, which I think we need more of, so that's good in my book, and the basic details of what stimulated what was realistic - which is surprisingly not so a lot of the time. So, I'll give this depiction 4 out of 5 vulvas.
Season 1 Episode 9 - This was not actually a depiction of female sexual release, this time a discussion of female sexual release made it eligible for SSL Review. We have the same coupling, but this time they are not have had a disagreement of sorts, and it cuts to him banging her hard and rough from behind and against a wall. They don't even take off their pants (any more than is needed of course.). He goes until he seems to finish/orgasm. Both are sort of grunting in rhythm to the thrusts. The audience could easily assume that her grunts are part of her orgasm noises (simultaneous with his). I think they are often used this way in movies and porn. I tend to see these kind of grunts/sharp exhales, particularly in porn when there is really banging happening, as just straight up guttural reactions to getting hard, quick pounding on your body. Let's be honest, ladies, getting banged hard can knock the breath out of you.
What makes it seem like he orgasmed and she didn't was that he seemed sort of satisfied, and went to rest on the bed immediately after. She seems annoyed and immediately impatient for something that he owes her. I think the scene was trying to make it clear that she was not orgasming in this situation, which I'll say is pretty realistic, given that a stand-up doggie bang with no reach around does not a ladygasm make. Clitoral, not vaginal, stimulation causes orgasm, so I'm glad this (unlike too many other tv depictions) didn't go that route. Okay, so let's go onto the discussion soon after they finish.
Gal - "So tell me. Why do you need this? You don't seem to get any pleasure out of it. I know I certainly don't.Well, yes it does say a lot. I like that the show points out the clearly true situation that women fake orgasms and that often men don't know or don't care. I don't know if the writers intended to use this orgasm faking talk as a simply a way for the gal to try and hurt the guy - and it's not really true...or that it is true and she's just bringing it up now cause she's annoyed by him? It's so hard to know intention from writers about female orgasm and faking because people have such confused and varied ideas about how it all works.
Guy - "I seem to always leave you satisfied."
Gal - "How do you know I'm not faking it?"
Guy - "Are you?"
Gal - "Doesn't it say a lot that you can't tell?"
So, I'll just say that I liked seeing a woman get banged w/o any clit stimulation and for her to point out that it wasn't orgasmic. At least that's realistic. Another 4 out of 5 vulvas.