8.31.2013

Sophia Wallace - Your Cliteracy Campaign Is So On Point, My Mind Is Blown



A friend sent me a link to this Huffington Post article called "Cliteracy 101: Artist Sophia Wallace Wants You To Know The Truth About The Clitoris" I was like, cool - I'll check that out. I was really, really glad I did, but it took me a minute to fall madly in love.

I was beginning to be kinda disappointed as I read the first few paragraphs. It kinda seemed like it was all about the fact that the clit is bigger than just the glans we see on the outside. I mean that's all well and good, but knowing that the clit is bigger and resides deep into our pelvis doesn't really address the ignorance about the clit being the organ and not an organ of sexual pleasure (like the penis is the organ of male sexual pleasure) - which is what I really care about. Honestly, I often feel like when the inner part of the clit comes up in conversation about female orgasm - it's always kinda twisted around and used as the chic new reason behind "vaginal orgasms" - even though the inner legs of the clit are not nervy at all - and even though this "vaginal orgasm" people speak of, where stimulation of the inside of the vagina causes an orgasm, has never actually been observed. There simply is no scientific evidence of "vaginal orgasms" except that some women say they have them and sexperts continue to speak about them like they exist.

Anyway, I thought this article and this artist were going in that direction, but they weren't. It was much better than I could have imagined. Sophia Wallace just wants people to know about the clit - to make it part of common sexual knowledge - to up it's place in our sexual culture. She does want you to know that it is bigger than just the insanely nervy glans that we can see at the apex of the vulva, but she also wants us to know things like the following, which are part of her Cliteracy, 100 Natural Laws:

 "A man would never be expected to get off through sex acts that ignored his primary sexual organ" 
For realz, Ms. Wallace. So, why are we ladies expected pop off from a little banging in our vag? Could someone explain that?


 "4 minutes: the average time it takes women to orgasm through masturbation"
True story. So let's think about why it takes so long for women to come during partner sex...hmmm...could it be that when we masturbate we stimulate our clit, and when we're having sex with someone else, our vagina seems to be the one getting most of the attention?

 "Freedom in Society can be measured by the distribution of orgasms." 
 I'm just gonna say 'right on - let's start a revolution' to that one.

I mean, are you kidding me right now? I love this. She's right the hell on point. She calls it Cliteracy. I call it Orgasm Equality Movement, but it's all about trying to overthrow these absolutely absurd yet ubiquitous misconceptions our culture has about what makes women orgasm...it's the clit...in case you didn't get the gist yet.

Thanks you, thank you, thank you, Ms. Sophia Wallace. You are an Orgasm Equality Movement superstar, at professor in Cliteracy. You are a revolutionary artist. Keep on keepin' on.

Please share her Cliteracy with your friends and go check out her work if it ever comes to a city near you. Also, go check out all of the bad ass posters from her Cliteracy, 100 Natural Laws. Here's a few to tide you over.








8.28.2013

Vibrators: Treat Yo Self



I don't make any money from this blog by recommending products or anything like that (this is more like a time/money sucking hobby than a money maker), but I am going to recommend a product today.

Get yourself a vibrator.

I guess the password is "vibrator." This is real - you can read more HERE
They are female orgasm makers. I mean if I'm going to promote increased ladygasms in the sack, it just follows that I should be promoting vibrator use also. As I've said numerous times, finding our way around the web of confusion that is female sexuality in this culture is just plain complicated. Even the simple act of having an orgasm regularly in sexual situations with another person is beyond the grasp of many if not most of us (even though there is nothing particularly tricky about having an orgasm - at least not more tricky than it is for men). We ladies got dealt a raw deal when it comes to living in a world that caters to our orgasms. Our sexual journey is more of an uphill one, but man, at least we have vibrators. So, here's my humble advice and thoughts on these little jewels of femaledom.

1. Buy a good one, for god sake. The more sturdy and industrial it looks, the better. If you can plug it in or set it proudly on a charger by your nightstand, excellent. Those cute novelty ones will let you down. The batteries will have to be changed too often. They'll start to slow down after a few uses, or they'll just fall apart and die. You want robust vibe-ing when your clit calls, not some sad death pulses of a 10 year old broke-ass vibe.

2. If you're a woman on the go who likes a good quickie on the sly, then invest in a little, discreet, quiet battery operated one that can disguise itself somewhere in your purse or backpack. Still - buy a good one - that's an important part of being prepared - which, by the way, is a really important Girl Scout rule. You want to be able to make the most of your opportunities. There will be nothing more disappointing than your jank lipstick-vibe dying during your bathroom rendezvous with the hot Brazilian Olympic swimmer you happened upon. 

3. If you only really get off with a vibrator, don't fret. If the gods wanted you to use your fingers, they wouldn't have invented vibrators, am I right? Bottom line is you're getting off, and that's a very good thing. You best be stocking up on some good ones though, like I said before, you want them quality and you want them available when the time comes.

4. If you're more of a hands on person and you're afraid of the intensity of the vibe, I understand. Sticking a full blast vibe right on the clit first thing can be enough to make you jump out of your skin. A vibrator is a lovely thing though, and I recommend all ladies at least give it a whirl - for shits and giggles. You just gotta take it slow. Only touch the areas around the clit - anywhere on the vulva is pretty sensitive, so it's gonna feel good, and it'll get you pretty close. Be light in your touch. Use a low setting. Don't put the vibe on the clit till right before you're ready to blow. It might take a couple times to get the timing and pressure right, so keep at it. I guarantee it'll be worth it. (I don't actually guarantee it, but you know, I feel pretty strongly that most people would probably like it.)

5. If your partner doesn't like the idea of using a vibrator during your sexy couple time, talk with them and let them know that you're interested in trying it out. Maybe they're old fashioned, so you can give them a day or two to think on it and talk it out, but honestly, if they aren't into you adding more orgasmic pleasure into your sexual escapades, then fuck them. You should probably think heavily about dropping that zero - you can get a hero to replace if you want, but actually solo might be more fun.

Anyway, that's all I have in me at the moment. Go Treat Yo Self!


8.25.2013

Faked Orgams Memes for your Sunday Enjoyment



Since I've had some posts here recently about ladies faking orgasms, I figured I'd stick with the theme. I accumulated a couple of meme-y type things about it, and here they are to brighten up your Sunday.

It's a possibility to consider, I guess.


If only this grand scheme would just start working already.



I guess I can't argue with that logic, anti-joke chicken.


True that.

8.20.2013

The Media is a Liar: Props to Melissa Fabello at Everyday Feminism



So, I attend this Free Thinking Feminist discussion group here in Indy. A topic is decided on and people throw up some links to light reading on the topic, and then we get some beer and talk and get off topic, and it's just plain good fun. Thanks to ab fab, scientist/actress/feminist Alicia for turning me on to it.

The media - about female sexual response, of course. Porn, particularly.


Well, this upcoming topic is - you guessed it - sex. Mac, one of the awesome free thinking feminist, put up a few links for us all to look at, and one caught my attention. It's called "Your First Time: A Sexual Guide for Girls," at Everyday Feminism. It's a good read. I suggest you check out the whole thing.  It's a brief but practical discussion of what young people should be exposed to when it comes to sex education. It's largely standard fare for a liberal, thoughtful take on teaching young folk about sex (masturbate, communicate, etc.), but it had one particular section that I thought was particularly noteworthy:

2. Question Your Media Consumption

Growing up, I had a really good understanding of my body. I started masturbating at an early age, and by the time I hit puberty, I knew that this totally-awesome-wow feeling was associated with sex. I felt wise beyond my years. And excited for what was to come.
And then I noticed something.
Pretty much everything that mainstream media – from television and movies to the clips I’d sneak from the Playboy channel, back when ‘A’ and ‘B’ channels existed – told me was that I was doing it wrong.
That my body didn’t belong to me.
That the way that I derived pleasure wasn’t normal.
That I, apparently, needed to make some really contorted facial expressions and loud noises in order to communicate to my partner that I was enjoying myself.
And suddenly, I was kind of freaked out.
Sex, I thought, was nothing like how I imagined it. And I had a whole new script to learn – fast! – before I even attempted to be sexual with another person.
Because, as far as I could tell, that other person would be far less interested in what worked for me and instead would just be waiting for me to act out the expectations that they, too, had received from the media.
Well, shit.
And it wasn’t until I was older, until I’d already had one (two, three, four, five) sexual partners that I realized that I had been right all along, and that those expectations didn’t have to apply to me or my partners.
I realized eventually that I should be looking for partners who were more concerned with my pleasure and enjoyment than with my ability to fuck like a porn star.
Because as it turns out: The media is a liar.
Penetration isn’t where women tend to derive the most pleasure. Semen doesn’t have to be splattered all over my face. I can expect my partners to perform oral sex on me for more than three minutes.
Holy wow.
So check yourself. And understand that just because you saw it on TV (or heard it in a song) doesn’t mean that it’s true.

I like that she highlights the weirdly confusing, dichotomous situation of being a sexual female in this world. I can absolutely relate almost exactly to her experience, and I imagine a lot of other women can relate too - even if just in part. She was a girl that understood her own body and her own orgasm, but ended up ignoring her well-earned knowledge to kinda fit in with what she believed was expected of her. What kind of toxic sexual culture are we ladies brewed in that allows us to willfully ignore what our bodies know; forgoing pleasure and orgasm for years and sometimes lifetimes - and just just accepting it as the way things are.

Let's stop facilitating an environment where it's easy to just accept it, and let's start speaking up. Get with the Orgasm Equality Movement, baby! Maybe, with some honesty and some work, each new generation of girls will benefit from an increasingly sensible, realistic sexual culture, and I give the writer of this article, Melissa A. Fabello big props for her steps in that direction.

8.17.2013

Is Your Woman Faking Orgasms????



So is your woman faking it? That's the question posed at AskMen.com. I like to check out what pops up at the top of searches for things about woman and orgasms and stuff, so I searched "fake female orgasms" and went to the second listed article. Feel free to check out Is Your Woman Faking Orgasm? by Vanessa Burton, the AskMen.com women's sexuality correspondent.



Her answer is, "It's quite possible that your woman has been faking her way through lovemaking this entire time." Because, well, "70% of women (and hey, 25% of men) admit to faking the feeling."

I mean it's no surprise to anyone whose seen any survey's about this (or any woman or anyone whose spoken in a real way about it with women) that a lot of women have faked and that some fake a whole helluva lot. Hey, I faked intercourse orgasms for years without really consciously thinking of it as faking for most of the time. We ladies have a weird-ass relationship with our partnered orgasms, so it makes a lot of sense to me that there would be a lot of faking out there.

Here's what I learned from Ms. Burton.

1 All women are different; most need clitoral but some like g-spot/vaginal orgasms, and some like both, so normal sex might not work. Then she says,  "But keep in mind that some women do not have difficulty orgasming whatsoever. If you have one of those women, more power to you."

Because as always, these types of women-orgasm advice articles always acknowledge that most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and that most women don't orgasm from normal old sex, but downplay it, continuing to talk about sex almost exclusively in terms of intercourse and keeping up the Samantha-from-Sex-In-The-City style myth of the woman that comes from just a few strokes of throbbing manhood in her quivering loins.

Sure, there's not a lot of these lucky, amazing women, but don't fret. Your lady, dear reader, is probably one of them. I mean, she orgasms so easily while you're banging her, right? Yeah, she's probably not faking. She's just in a minority group of women that somehow orgasm explosively from friction in the vagina - even though this ability remains elusive to scientific investigation.

Oh, she also says this to help you understand about most women:
So when you're penetrating her, unless you're manually rubbing her clitoris with your fingers or are in the rear-entry position whence your testicles are tapping against it periodically, chances are she won't have a clitoral orgasm.
I get the whole rubbing her clit thing. That makes sense, but orgasm through periodic ball slapping is not really a thing - I think. First of all - those things tighten up as he gets more aroused, so they may not be swinging a whole lot for most of the time. Secondly, sure, a little ball tapping can be hot. I get it completely. But come on... ya gotta have steady stimulation with a nice amount of pressure...malegasms need it, ladygasms need it...gentle slaps here and there do not orgasms make. Am I wrong?

2 If her noises don't make sense with what's happening or if you can't feel her vag tighten up around your penis, she's probably faking.

Yeah, if she sounds like a weird porn star or she orgasm moans continuously during the whole act, I would find it suspicious and maybe start a convo based on that observation.  However, I'd like to point out here that I find the whole a-man-should-be-able-to-feel-your-orgasm-through-his-penis-thing that always seems to pop up when speaking about fake orgasms to be really stupid. A finger gently inserted may be able to feel the pelvic muscles tighten around the vagina during an orgasms, but I highly doubt there's many men whose penis picked up the subtle tense and release happening inside his woman's lady junk.

3 She doesn't fake because she's mean. It's usually because she doesn't want to hurt her partner, or she's never had one ("they think to themselves, oh, this must be it ; they therefore proceed to put on a performance like the ones they see in movies,") or because she gets sore fast and wants to speed up the whole thing, or her dude is making it too big of a deal that she orgasm every time.

Agreed. I'd also add; because she's bored/annoyed/not even close to coming and wants to get it over with, and also because this whole orgasmsing with a partner thing is much more confusing for women than you'd think.

4 What can be done? Well, talk about it, buy her a vibrator, encourage her to explore her body, get more sensual together, and experiment more with sex. "Many women are least likely to reach orgasm through penetration alone, so you'll have to get a little creative with your sexual attitude (and so will she)."

I wholeheartedly agree. It's not bad advice. However, I don't think her idea of "feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries" is really that sensual unless you two are characters in a sexy romance novel about a chocolatier having a lurid affair with the lonely antique dealer down the road.

She never specifically said masturbation either - just "exploring herself." We all know that some straight up clit diddling of one's self needs to take place, right? Sensually rubbing your own arm and belly skin in front of a mirror and some candles isn't going to cut it in the end. Although, do that too if you want.

Also, I don't think, as she suggested under "experiment with sex," that trying positions from the Kama Sutra or doing it in different locations will help much, unless by locations she means moving the rubbing from the vagina to the clit/vulva area.

Vanessa Burton, I know you want to add more realism and fire into these. I can tell by the way you tease your way around words like masturbation and vibrator (the "constant vibration" of an "enhancer" - it's like you are touching everywhere but "there" you dirty minx). Next time let your lips flap and just say what all you advice columnists really want to say:

Ladies need clitoral stimulation to come. Vagina rubbing doesn't make it happen, even though for some ungodly reason that's most of what happens during our sexual encounters. Men and women think the vag rubbing should work cause that's what we see working in media and learned was supposed to work growing up, but it doesn't.

8.13.2013

I Put My Own Definition Of The Word Binner Into Urban Dictionary



I enjoy reading Urban Dictionary from time to time. It can be hilarious or terrible or disturbing or insane, and I just enjoy the ride. So, I got to thinking maybe I should add something to the ol' Urban Dictionary...something like  binner (the inner boner). I looked up what it currently has for binner, and it's all stupid crap. Check it out for yourself. You can down votes some if you want. My definition is still under review by the editors, but when it's up, I'm gonna ask you all to go upvote my binner definition, cause I'm not gonna lie - I'd be pretty stoked to have a top definition in Urban Dictionary, people. I'd pretty much be a highlight for me.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about it. Also you should look up your name. Here's the top Urban Dictionary definition of my name:
Medium height, big butt, brown hair, brown eyes, nice, giggly person, eyesight usually bad, can be absolutely crazy, very attractable mainly to men, likes to dress up, wierd dancer, good girl. 
That's pretty much exactly correct. I hope yours is super sweet like mine is. Also here's the binner video. Also go put your own definitions in there. It's fun!



8.11.2013

I'm so Excited - The SSL Review



I saw I'm So Excited! while I was in Denver at a lovely theater called the Mayan. This movie turned out to be barely eligible for SSL Review, so here we are. I say barely because I think there is some room for interpretation in the scenes I would say are depicting female sexual release, but I think it's worth a review either way.



It's a Pedro Almodovar movie. He's a Spanish director I was introduced to in one of my favorite college classes - unsurprisingly called Spanish Cinema. I think of him as having 2 distinct groups of movies that he does. There's the kinda dark, quirky, passionate ones. Those are the reason I love Almodovar and why I went to check out this one. Then there's the brightly colored, silly, boisterous, drama-filled ones. They're alright - a fun movie experience I'd say, and that's what I'm So Excited! was. If you want to see a Soap-Opera style drama with flamboyant characters and a shit-ton of sex that takes place on a plane, this is a movie you want to see, my friend. Also, all his movies have sex and often strangely rapey sex ribboned throughout, and this was no exception.

I won't get into the details (because honestly it gets a little complicated), but both the SSL eligible scenes involve a woman bouncing up and down on a dudes lap (the intercourse is inferred of course - we aren't seeing insertion) while he sits in an airplane seat. Both have the woman facing away - kind of like reverse cowgirl in seated position. Both women are enthusiastically vocalizing and moving in ecstasy much like any porn scene you'd see. There are clearly no hands - either from the male or the female - touching the lady's vulva/clitoral area, and she's facing away from the man, so there is clearly no body contact on the clitoral/vulva area. So any orgasm that might be happening must be assumed to come from the penis moving  in and out of the vagina. (By the way, I know the insertion is happening in the vagina and not the anus because the question of which hole it was happening in was specifically asked in the movie - just so you know.)

Now, I couldn't point out a particular  moment when the viewer was supposed to understand she actually comes, so one could take these scenes as simply depicting women making vocalizations of pleasure and not necessarily "orgasming" continually like a porn star for the entire act of intercourse. I'll accept that understanding, and if that's what was happening, then I can't really be too judgy. I mean, pleasure comes in lots of different forms, and the feeling of intercourse could certainly be one way to experience pleasure. One might even choose to express that pleasure by screaming and moaning like a porn star. The problem is pleasure is not "orgasm" and we too often depict women's experience of intercourse (the hands-free penis moving in vagina thing) as eliciting orgasm when it realistically does not. Images, like the ones seen in this movie, of a woman, hands free, bouncing up and down on a dude while screaming and moaning, is a ubiquitous image in porn and in mainstream media (the genre just depends on how explicitly the insertions is depicted really) and whether there is a particular moment of orgasm or not, it heavily insinuates that having sex in that way is orgasmic for women. Some people may be able to see through that kind of ridiculous imagery, but for many, this is just another link in the chain of miseducation about how women's bodies react to sex. It's all too common, and I think it needs to be called out more.

Also, did I mention that neither situations were really consensual. One involved a woman using a male stranger on sleeping pills with a nocturnal erection, and the other involved a man with his brand new wife. He kept feeding her sleeping pills and she had "sleep-walk" sex with him. Like I said, there's often a strangely rapey situation in Almodovar movies, and don't judge me, but sometimes it's a pretty good element, but not in this one.

Anyway, this gets a bad SSL Review - ZERO vulvas. That's right zero vulvas...but I'll type one in just so you can enjoy it. It's not for the movie though... (!)

8.07.2013

Random Male Hite Report #2



It's time for another edition of random Hite Report: Male Edition. As you know, this is where I flip to a random page in the 1981 Hite Report on Male Sexuality by Shere Hite and simply copy that one page and that one page only into this blog. There are more of these randoms from both the male and female reports HERE.


p. 77 The Hite Report on Male Sexuality by Shere Hite
Alfred A. Knoff. NY. 1981


On the question: Are definitions of masculinity changing according to age or socioeconomic status? (appearing together with the persons own biographical information.)


...the time we were nine or ten. We are WASP. I believe that because of the work ethic we are all very independent. Now two of my four children have divorced. I worry that I did not give them adequate foundation for judging, or that I have misguided them in some way.
    "I am succesful-I did not achieve what I thought I would, but I am better off as I am. For instance, I always thought I would wind up as a V.P. of the company I worked for for twenty-five years. However, I was bypassed, so I became a consultant and am now much happier than I would have been had I been made President.
    "I believe masculinity has to do with presence, confidence, strength (not necessarily physical), and voice. It's hard to define. I'm happy to be masculine. Macho in the sense being used today means too much of having to prove yourself-to be a daredevil."

    "Sixty-one, iron worker, Protestant. Male means not being wishy-washy. Macho means appearing virile, sexy to others."

"Sixty-three, Jewish, retired (social security), high school graduate. I am very disgusted and unhappy. I don't understand about being a man.

    "I am sixty-nine. I was in business at the executive level in accounting, finance, and top management. My upbringing was relaxed and happy, middle class. I have deep religious feelings, but no ties to organized religion.
   "Masculinity means you have a solid grasp of reality and the capacity to handle it with good judgement. A strong sense of responsibility. Decisiveness. Open-mindedness. A sense of fair play. A lively sense of humor and an ability to laugh at oneself. 'Macho' is an aberration of masculinity, which, happily, I've avoided."

    "Age seventy-one. Degrees in mechanical engineering and management. Presbyterian. I still look good. My biggest problem: the U.S. Government is 1. Robbing me of my life savings and earnings by causing prices to increase (inflation), and 2. Not maintaining a strong military defence force.
    "A man should earn a good income and be a good provider and protector of women and his children. I am proud of what masculinity I have."

    "Seventy-three, professional, doctorate from a leading  eastern university, reared in an upper-middle-class home with all the comforts, Jewish, not religious, yet with a strong ethnic loyalty.
    " I consider myself masculine in appearance, temperament, and manner. I am outgoing, independent, scholarly, intelligent, outspoken. I am not a 'macho' type, being too slight in build, obviously intellectual in appearance, and too interested in books, art, and music. I am highly verbal, and rather sensitive to others, even intuitive (when not personally involved), and not physically as brave as I'd like to be.
    "The qualities I admire most in men are physical and moral courage, originality, initiative, a fair amount of aggressiveness, leadership, a sense of humor,...

8.03.2013

Porn Sex Vs. Real Sex Explained With Food - An SSL Approved Short



Mr. Dan Garland, a lovely and humorous man from my MVHS past and Facebook present has turned me on to a video. It describes, with numbers and food, how very different porn sex is from real sex. You will enjoy this, and it makes some excellent SSL approved points.



I was fascinated by who produced this and why, so I searched back a little and found that KB Creative Labs, a NY based production company, is responsible for this. Apparently, each month they let an employee come up with a video that takes one day of shooting and one day of editing. It didn't say which employee had this ingenious idea, but I'd like to find out...and talk with him/her.